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Tetsurou has always known that Kenma is it for him. He never really thought about it; it’s just always been one of those constants in his life. The world is round, the sky is blue, the house will smell of his grandmother’s favourite coffee beans in the morning and Tetsurou is in love with Kenma.
When Tetsurou’s family had moved to Tokyo, Kenma had been the first person to see him, to spend time with him, to just be there; even now, years later, Tetsurou often thinks Kenma is the only one to truly see him.
Kenma isn’t his only friend in Tokyo anymore, hasn’t been for a long time, but he’s still his first one, the most important one, maybe. He’s also the love of Tetsurou’s life.
Tetsurou knows this, as intimately as he knows his own name. If he could, he would spend the rest of his life by Kenma’s side, loving him.
The only unknown factor in this equation is Kenma.
Tetsurou’s sure that Kenma loves him as a friend; despite Kenma’s loud insistence that Tetsurou’s a nuisance, he’s absolutely sure of this fact. Kenma doesn’t need to say it to for Tetsurou to know that he loves him. He’s good at showing it.
It’s there in the way he lets Tetsurou invade his private space, in the way he will occasionally do the things Tetsurou wants instead of playing video games; it’s there in the way he’d let Tetsurou rope him into volleyball, and in the way he sometimes gives in to Tetsurou’s nagging about his eating habits. It’s in all their little day-to-day interactions, it’s in Kenma’s body language and in his eyes.
Tetsurou knows that Kenma loves him as a friend.
What he doesn’t know, however, is if Kenma loves him in the way Tetsurou loves Kenma.
He’s spent a lot of time thinking about this, lately. Tetsurou is in his second year of high school now. Kenma is in his first.
Tetsurou had presented as an alpha last year. It hadn’t really come as a shock to anyone, including Tetsurou. He’d always assumed he’d present as an alpha, probably. In the end, it doesn’t matter all that much; sure, there are more people now who show interest in him, and he has gotten more confessions since he has presented, from both girls and boys, but these things are of no interest to him anyway. He likes Kenma. He only likes Kenma.
If he were hard-pressed, he’d say he’s probably bisexual – he finds men and women equally as attractive. In the end, that’s not really important, though. Because no matter the attractiveness of everyone else around him, Tetsurou has never found anyone more attractive than Kenma, has never had interest in pursuing anyone who isn’t Kenma. It’s just the way it is, for him.
Being an alpha, therefore? Doesn’t really change much. What changes things, however, is that Kenma will probably present soon.
What Kenma presents as is inconsequential, for Tetsurou. Most people around them assume Kenma will probably present as an omega, or a beta, maybe. Tetsurou would be inclined to agree. It doesn’t matter, though. Tetsurou has loved Kenma since he was eight years old. He’ll continue to love Kenma until the day he dies. Whatever Kenma presents as, Tetsurou will just be as in love with him as he was before.
What matters is this: Kenma presenting means that Kenma will be of interest to people who aren’t Tetsurou.
So far, Kenma has avoided confessions, as far as Tetsurou knows; Kenma is very good at staying under the radar, and that extends to people who might show romantic interest in him if they were to actually notice him. Tetsurou sometimes wonders how that’s possible – how anyone could so much as look at Kenma and not fall in love with him right away – but he’s glad for it.
When Kenma presents, this will most likely change. It’s a lot harder to stay under the radar when you throw pheromones into the mix.
Tetsurou isn’t even sure what he’s hoping for. That Kenma presents as a beta and thus doesn’t attract too much attention. Or that Kenma presents as an omega and maybe, just maybe, would be inclined to consider Tetsurou as a mate.
(Tetsurou knows that dynamics don’t interest Kenma all that much. He still, on his more desperate days, wants Kenma to consider him a prospect. And if Kenma were to present as an omega, maybe he’d be more likely to consider Tetsurou.)
Tetsurou has spent the past few months obsessing over this, waiting for Kenma to present, being excited for it, being terrified of it.
Tetsurou would be fine just being Kenma’s friend for the rest of his life, probably. Sure, he wants Kenma. Sure, there are enough days where Kenma is all he thinks about for him to classify it as a regular occurrence. But he’s been fine so far, and he could probably continue to be fine.
Kenma likes to cuddle, sometimes. He’ll sit on Tetsurou’s lap and let Tetsurou snake his arms around him while he plays on his PSP, or lay down with his head in Tetsurou’s lap, letting him pet his head. He actually likes it when Tetsurou plays with his hair, sometimes downright demands it.
When Tetsurou stays over, which he does on most Fridays and Saturdays, they usually sleep in the same bed, and Kenma likes to sleep snuggled up close to him – which works very well for Tetsurou, because he sleeps best with Kenma in his arms.
Kenma will usually deny that he enjoys Tetsurou’s proximity, but they both know he does.
Tetsurou loves him so much he aches with it.
This is why he thinks he’d be fine with just being friends with Kenma for the rest of his life, as long as he gets to have this, gets what they have now.
What he knows for a fact, however, is that he’d go insane if someone would dare to touch Kenma as intimately as Tetsurou does. Kenma allowing anyone else this much into his personal bubble is a thought that downright destroys him, and the mere idea of someone having Kenma not only as a close friend, but as a boyfriend, as a mate, makes Tetsurou want to claw his hair out and wail in agony.
Which is exactly why he’s terrified of Kenma presenting.
Tetsurou has made contingency plans for someone else showing interest in Kenma – most of them include him getting way over-protective, in a way that will definitely make Yaku call him a jealous bastard – but he hasn’t made contingency plans for Kenma showing interest in someone else. He’s not sure he could. Moving out of the country and starting a new life somewhere else sounds like a hot contestant, but the idea of not spending the rest of his life by Kenma’s side is unbearable, which is why he’d probably just end up staying by Kenma’s side and pining for him until he dies.
He doesn’t like to think about it.
Having to wait for Kenma to present is pure agony. He doesn’t know what will happen, so all that’s left to do for him is wait. And if he’s gotten exceptionally clingy in the last few months, well, nobody has to know why.
--
It’s a Monday when Tetsurou knocks on the Kozume family door to pick up Kenma and walk to school with him like every morning, just to be met with the shaking head of Kenma’s mother.
“Kenma won’t be coming to school today. He’ll probably not come to school for the next three or four days,” she informs him. Tetsurou immediately goes into panicked mother-hen mode, the way he’s wont to do whenever Kenma is sick.
“Is he sick? But he looked fine yesterday! What has he? Can I come over this afternoon and bring him soup?”
Kenma’s mother smiles at him warmly. She’s used to Tetsurou’s fretting when it comes to Kenma being sick. She never reprimands him or reminds him that Kenma’s already taken care of, the way Tetsurou’s father does every time without fail. Tetsurou likes that about Kenma’s mother, likes that she understands that he needs to fret and hover in order to feel comfortable, that he feels like clawing out of his skin whenever Kenma is unwell and Tetsurou’s incapable of doing anything about it. (They also both know that Kenma is more relaxed when Tetsurou’s around, which makes him sleep more and get better sooner, even though he’ll deny it.)
“He’s not exactly sick,” she just says, though. “And you probably shouldn’t come over. He’s presenting. I already called his teachers, but it’d be nice if you could let your coach know he’ll be absent for the majority of this week.”
Tetsurou just stares at her for a moment. “S-sure,” he manages to get out. He tries to offer her a smile and then more or less flees. He feels like the bottom has dropped out of his stomach.
Kenma is presenting. Kenma is presenting.
He’s spent so much time trying to prepare himself for this, but now that it’s actually happening, he doesn’t know what to do.
He wants to cry, maybe, curl up into a ball and claw his own nails into his skin in order to keep the upcoming panic at bay. Kenma is presenting, and he may come out of this not liking the way Tetsurou smells, cementing his status as just a best friend and nothing more, or, even worse, decide he really likes the way someone who isn’t Tetsurou smells.
Tetsurou feels like taking a day off himself, maybe the entire week. He just wants to hide under his blanket and never come out again.
Kenma is presenting, and it feels like Tetsurou’s life is falling to shambles around him.
He knows that it’s probably dramatic, but he can’t help it. Tetsurou has always known that Kenma is it for him, and the possibility of finding out for sure that his feelings are unrequited burns like hot coals in his stomach.
--
By the time Tetsurou gets to practice, he’s somewhat got himself under control again. Not terribly well, but he probably won’t start crying as soon as someone asks him about Kenma, which he considers a plus, really. He would like to keep up his streak of not crying in front of his team.
He knows that they all know he’s not the cool, suave guy he makes himself out to be, but having them know that he’s actually a huge nerd who tends to lose his braincells in Bokuto’s vicinity is one thing – them knowing that he’s a fucking sap who’s entire wellbeing kind of depends on Kenma’s opinion on him is entirely another thing.
(They’ll probably find that out at some point anyway, but Tetsurou likes to keep his ego intact and having a nervous breakdown because Kenma is presenting is something that will decidedly not help with that.)
Yaku seems to sniff it out right away anyway. Tetsurou would be fine with that, probably, if it weren’t for the fact that Yaku is also a huge asshole who lives his life only to see Tetsurou suffer. Tetsurou likes Yaku, he does, but not when he’s this vulnerable.
“Why are you not hanging off Kenma like a clingy puppy?” is the first thing Yaku says to him and Tetsurou feels himself crumble a little.
“Kenma is at home,” Tetsurou says, and he can hear the frustration and desperation soaking through his words. Great.
“Kenma’s sick? What kind of soup are you cooking him today?” Yaku teases, because the asshole knows him, and Tetsurou wants to turn back around, go home and sulk.
“He’s not sick, he’s presenting,” he hisses instead.
“Oh,” Yaku says, raises his eyebrows, and then, “You sound like you’re about to have a breakdown.”
“That’s because I am,” Tetsurou hisses before he can stop himself.
“Why? It’s nothing spectacular. We all go through it sooner or later,” Yaku says, his eyebrows still raised. He’ll probably have wrinkles before he’s even thirty if he keeps this up. If Tetsurou were feeling a little less unhinged, he would tease Yaku about it. As it is, he barely possesses enough room in his thoughts to notice it.
“Because he’s presenting,” Tetsurou answers instead, a little desperately.
“Your point, Kuroo,” Yaku says and rolls his eyes.
“What if it’s going to change things, Yakkun. What if it’s not going to change things,” Tetsurou says, frantically. He feels like he’s about to start crying any second now.
Yaku stills. Looks at him with narrowed eyes. And then heaves a very heavy sigh.
“Oh God, you’re being a lovesick idiot again,” he says. “I’m not dealing with this here. Get changed. Keep it together. We’re talking when practice is over.” He flicks Tetsurou in the forehead and then stomps off.
Tetsurou takes a deep breath and a small sob escapes him. It’s going to be a long day.
--
Yaku and Tetsurou do, in fact, talk about it after practice. Or rather, Yaku sighs a lot of long-suffering sighs, kicks Tetsurou in the shins a total number of three times, and tells him with absolute certainty in his voice that everything is going to be fine and he’s just being an idiot.
He also tells Tetsurou to talk to Kenma. It sounds like a frighteningly expectant command.
Tetsurou will most definitely not talk to Kenma about this.
How could he? Kenma is everything, everything to Tetsurou, and he could never risk what they have. Kenma would not stop being friends with him, of that Tetsurou is sure, but Kenma might put distance between them and stop cuddling with him. The thought of never holding Kenma again is frightening enough to make Tetsurou shake all over.
He will not tell Kenma. What he will do is act as if nothing happened, and maybe nothing will change at all, and he will be fine.
He will be fine, he tells himself firmly, and spends the next three days trying not to think about Kenma at all.
--
He gets a text from Kenma on Thursday afternoon. It simply says ugh finally done. i deserve apple pie for my troubles and Tetsurou is so relieved to read it he nearly cries.
Then he starts panicking. Because Kenma’s intention is clear here. Kenma isn’t usually the type to text first, and he could have just not said anything and simply shown up at school the next morning, but he texted.
He obviously expects Tetsurou to go and bring him apple pie, which, in all fairness, Tetsurou would usually just go ahead and do without a second thought. He’s weak for Kenma and kind of incapable of not indulging him when he really wants something, and they both know it.
Actually, the entire volleyball team, both their families and probably every person Tetsurou has ever talked to for more than five minutes know it.
Because he’s also kind of incapable of not talking about Kenma.
In his defence, Kenma is as close to perfection as a human is capable of being and Tetsurou has spent the last eight years of his life loving him with all his heart.
This time it’s different, though. If he shows up at Kenma’s now, he will know. He’s not sure if he’s ready for that.
If he doesn’t show up, however, Kenma is going to be confused (this is clearly an invitation and Tetsurou has never declined Kenma inviting him over – it happens rarely enough that it’s a gift he intends to cherish every time) and maybe even frustrated. He won’t understand. That thought alone is what decides it, in the end. He would never willingly leave Kenma frustrated.
He texts back, admit it, u missed me ;) and chucks on his jacket and shoes. The nearest bakery is about seven minutes by foot. Ten if he walks slowly, which he will, because he can definitely use every extra minute to prepare himself that he can get.
--
He’s worked himself into a nervous frenzy by the time he shows up at Kenma’s door. He doesn’t know what to expect. He’s absolutely terrified.
Tetsurou has spent the last year subtly scent-marking Kenma (“You couldn’t be more obvious if you pissed all over him,” Yaku had told him once, but he chooses to ignore that). Ever since he presented as an alpha, he’s had this urge to mark Kenma as his, to let everyone know who Kenma belongs to.
So far, Kenma has let it happen without complaining – probably because there isn’t that much intention to read into it without Kenma even having presented himself. Kenma probably thinks it’s just something Tetsurou does because they’re good friends and he feels at ease around Kenma.
If he keeps this up now, though, he’s scared Kenma will question it. Or, even worse, that Kenma will hate Tetsurou’s scent, now that he can actually smell it properly, and won’t want it anywhere near him.
Tetsurou is currently so out of his depth, so terrified and unhappy; his instincts are screaming at him, telling him to do something to put them at ease. He’s not entirely sure how he’s supposed to keep calm when his insides feel like they’ve never been further from calm. But he does know that he needs to. That he needs to control himself, act normal, act as if nothing has changed at all.
He tries to remind himself that this is not only Kenma, the love of Tetsurou’s life, this is also Kenma, Tetsurou’s best friend since he was eight years old.
He can do this.
He takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell.
Kenma’s mother opens – it’s usually her or her husband, since Kenma doesn’t like the effort required to go downstairs. If Kenma’s parents aren’t home, Tetsurou knows where they’ve hidden the spare key anyway, so there isn’t really any reason for Kenma to leave his room and let him in.
“Kenma’s upstairs,” Kenma’s mother just says, shooting him and the box from the bakery in his hands a fond grin. Tetsurou nods.
He takes off his shoes in the genkan and feels like he’s losing it.
He’s glad for the pie box in his hands on the way to Kenma’s room; if he didn’t have it, he’d probably be wringing his hands nervously right about now.
He stops in front of Kenma’s door and takes a second to take another deep breath and securely put his most obnoxious grin into place. Then, he barges through the door, hollering “Your loyal servant is here and has brought his majesty the requested pie!”
And then he stops right in his tracks. The door falls shut behind him. Tetsurou stares, his nostrils flaring.
The entire room is filled with the most delicious scent he’s ever smelled in his entire life.
Kenma. This is how Kenma smells, now that he has presented.
There is no doubt that he has presented as an omega, and Tetsurou thought it wouldn’t matter – and he’s sure it wouldn’t have, if Kenma had presented as anything else – but right now it’s not just Tetsurou himself going crazy, it’s all of his alpha instincts going crazy too, and he wants – he wants –
With three big steps he crosses the room, lets the pie box fall carelessly onto the bed – which earns him a small protest from Kenma, who’s looked up from his PSP – and falls onto his knees in front of Kenma.
Kenma is sitting on his bed, legs dangling over the edge, and Tetsurou helplessly wraps his arms around him, gathering him close, and buries his face into Kenma’s neck, nosing along his scent glands, rubbing his entire face into them.
“Kenma,” he murmurs, sounding just as desperate as he feels.
Kenma sighs, long-sufferingly, and drops his PSP into his lap.
“I guess this had to happen,” he says, sounding disgruntled. It feels like a slap to Tetsurou’s face. It’s enough to pull him out of the headspace consisting only of Kenma and his scent that he’d been in.
He immediately reels back, letting go of Kenma, scrambling to put space between them, staring at the ground.
“I’m so sorry,” he says, “Oh God Kenma, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have –” He can’t believe he did this. He thought he had himself somewhat under control, and then he goes and just buries his fucking face into Kenma’s neck without his consent, how could he –
“It’s fine. I didn’t mean that in a negative way,” Kenma says, completely derailing Tetsurou’s train of thought. Tetsurou blinks, still staring at the ground and feeling horrible.
“Kuro, take like, one second to look at me.”
Tetsurou does as he’s told. He looks up at Kenma, slowly, and –
A groan escapes him.
He’s not sure how he didn’t notice this before, but Kenma is wearing one of his hoodies. He’s practically swimming in it, and he looks so good, and Tetsurou has to bite his lip to not let out another humiliating sound.
“I had hoped we wouldn’t have to do it right this second, and I had really hoped I wouldn’t have to be the one to start this conversation, but I like you too.” Tetsurou just stares at Kenma, who’s started to blush. His thoughts feel slow and muddled. Kenma said –
This can’t be reality.
In the end, what comes out of his mouth is: “You knew?”
Kenma looks a little uncertain, all of a sudden, and is now the one averting his gaze. “I did,” he says quietly, “you’re not exactly subtle. But I wasn’t sure you’d still feel the same after I presented. Kuro, we both know how many confessions you’ve gotten this past year, and I didn’t want to lock you into something when you couldn’t be sure yet –”
Tetsurou scrambles on his knees for a second time this day, this time to get to Kenma as fast as possible and pull him into his arms.
“Kenma. Kenma. I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life. How could you think for even a second that I could ever stop loving you, Kenma–” He stares into Kenma’s eyes wonderingly.
“I can’t believe you like me too,” he says reverently. And then, suddenly desperate to hear it again: “Kenma, can you – please say it again–”
“I like you too,” Kenma murmurs and Tetsurou feels like he could fly, his heart is soaring. This, he thinks, feeling completely and utterly overwhelmed.
Kenma is in his arms. Kenma likes him too. Kenma likes him too.
“Kenma,” he says, suddenly filled with a desperate need, feeling more serious than ever before in his life, “will you spend your next heat with me and let me claim you?”
Kenma snorts. “I’m not sure if you’re being a horny idiot or a possessive one right now,” he says.
“Why not both?” Tetsurou smirks at him.
Then, quietly, he adds: “Kenma, please.”
Please, he thinks, I need to know that you’re really mine. I need to know that I get to keep you for the rest of my life. Kenma, please. It feels like every second of his life has been leading up to this, and the need is like a fire in his veins.
Kenma softens. He brings his left hand up to slowly stroke Tetsurou’s cheek. Tetsurou melts into it. “I’d love to,” Kenma says, just as quietly.
Happiness and relief course through Tetsurou, so strong that he feels like he might collapse. Kenma, Kenma, Kenma, he thinks, feeling completely unhinged, but in the best possible way. My Kenma.
“You’re going to be completely insufferable from now on, aren’t you?” Kenma suddenly says, his eyes narrowing.
Tetsurou grins. “Admit it, you love it.”
“I do,” Kenma admits. Then, he quickly adds, “If you tell Bokuto I said that, I’ll revoke your cuddling privileges for a week.”
“You won’t,” Tetsurou says, feeling unbearably happy and incredibly loved.
“I will,” Kenma says.
They both know he’s lying.