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They’re making their way back to the bunker.
Right now, they are driving through Wyoming, the headlights of the Impala lighting up the otherwise dark stretch of highway between towns. Looking at the road ahead, Dean tries to wrap his head around everything that has happened today; they confronted Chuck, they won and – miraculously – all of them are still alive to tell the tale.
Dean turns slightly to take a look at Jack, curled up in the back seat, head resting against the window, and fast asleep. Dean can’t help but feel his heart swell with pride at the sight of him. Only a few hours ago the kid proved to be the key to defeating Chuck by stripping him of his power and taking it all into himself. And Dean knows there was the temptation to use all that power to reshape the world, make it better than what Chuck had created, to bring about paradise. He saw it flickering behind Jack’s golden eyes for a moment.
But then instead Jack let go of the endless cosmic power and channelled it all back into the world itself. Because Chuck was right; his essence has to always be there to balance out the shadows of evil but as it turned out it doesn’t have to be concentrated in just one single all-powerful being. Jack imbued the world and everyone in it with their own spark of divinity. He gave them all the ultimate gift; free will.
Now as Dean turns back around he looks at the road beyond the wind shield again. The new world is stretching out in front of them and Dean wonders what he will do with all this freedom, all this possibility.
Next to him Sam is typing on his phone with a fond smile on his face. He’s been at it for the past hour at least. First he texted all their closest friends to let them know that they had done it and that the world would not be ending soon, but by now, Dean’s sure, it’s just Eileen who Sam is writing back and forth with. Dean wouldn’t be surprised if Eileen came back to the bunker soon to see where she and Sam stand now that Chuck isn’t around to manipulate their feelings for his own amusement. Dean already has a pretty solid idea of how that will go and he’s happy for Sam even if it means that there will probably be more hunts in the future that Sam will go on with Eileen instead of him.
But that’s okay, Dean will have Jack to look after. He might still technically be a half-angel but after having given away all his power, he’s also as human as it’s possible for someone like him to get. There will have to be weapons and combat training in the near future should Jack decide to stick with hunting. Maybe Dean can take him on a few hunts, make some kind of trip of it. Maybe Cas will come along. Yes, Dean thinks, that would be pretty awesome. Just the three of them hunting the everyday monsters and ghosts while saving some people’s lives together, the family business; them being a family.
And then Dean catches Cas‘ eyes in the rear-view mirror and he realises what has to happen next, where his path leads, where it has always led. Not because Chuck put him on it but because he and Cas set out on it together years ago. If anything, he and Cas stayed on course despite Chuck trying to break them apart over and over again, when every time they defied the rules set for them and made their way back to each other.
Still Dean’s heart clenches and starts beating faster as the weight of what he has to do now catches up with him. It’s positively terrifying. Dean knows that telling Cas how he feels should not be scarier than facing the creator of the universe, but somehow it is. Dean‘s always been better at fighting than he is with words.
By now nobody in the car has said a word in quite a while. There’s just the hum of the engine and the music coming from the tape deck turned low as not to wake Jack. Like that, Dean finds himself alone with his thoughts, picturing what he will say and how he will say it and how that might go for him. He should just do it and he should do it soon or else he will lose his nerves again like he did so many times before. He tells himself they’ll stop for the night and then he and Cas will talk. Dean will just drive till Thermopolis and then they’ll go look for a motel.
In Thermopolis Dean decides to keep going till Shoshoni.
In Shoshoni Dean figures they can probably make it to Casper tonight.
Dean knows he’s stalling and eventually Sam puts his phone down and suggests settling down for the night. Dean grips the steering wheel a bit tighter but a few miles later he steers the Impala onto some dirt-packed road off the highway. By now they are in the middle of no-where but it’s not like it’s the first time they’ve just stopped and slept in the Impala while on a hunt; Dean doesn’t think it will be the last time either. And it feels right tonight, after the ordeal of the day he prefers the emotional comfort the Impala provides to the seedy bedsheets of another small town motel.
When he puts the car in park Jack stirs and slowly opens his eyes.
“Are we there?”
Jack’s question almost gets lost in a sleepy yawn.
Dean assumes he is talking about the bunker.
“No. Keep resting, kid. You earned it.”
Jack smiles, sleepy but proud and makes to settle down again.
“Wait,” says Cas beside Jack, “I’ll make room for you. You can lie down.”
And with that Cas opens his door and gets out of the car.
Dean watches him as he walks a few feet, taking in their surroundings.
“You can take the front seat.” Dean tells Sam without taking his eyes off of Cas.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, go ahead. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight.”
“Okay.” Sam says in a voice that lets Dean know that Sam suspects something is up and they are gonna talk about it tomorrow; which is fine because tomorrow everything will be different anyway, one way or the other.
Dean gets out of the car and starts walking around towards the trunk, stretching a bit to work out the stiffness of his muscles from the long drive and telling himself that’s also the reason why his legs feel like they are about to turn to jelly and not the nervous anticipation of things to come.
He pops the trunk and fishes out two beers before walking back around to the hood and letting himself drop onto it.
A few moments later Cas settles down beside him and Dean wordlessly holds one of the bottles out for him to take. Dean has always liked these moments when he and Cas managed to communicate without words, just falling into place next to each other.
When Cas reaches for the bottle their fingers brush. It’s over a second later and nothing that hasn’t happened a dozen times before on nights out on the road drinking beer together; and yet… tonight everything feels heightened and charged with an energy Dean’s afraid will culminate in a stroke of lightning sooner or later. He tries to concentrate on his own beer instead, taking a big swig to calm his nerves.
They sit like this for a while; long enough that behind them Sam and Jack are already fast asleep when Dean glances over his shoulder to check on them. Maybe, Dean thinks, he doesn’t have to get himself worked up over this whole thing just now. So much happened today already, it really should be enough. He could just sit here and enjoy their victory. He could tell Cas tomorrow, once they are back at the bunker. Or maybe he should give them a few days to settle back in. He could tell Cas then. Maybe in a week or two, or next month; or another 10 years down the line…
If he doesn’t tell Cas tonight, he never will.
Dean looks at the stretch of road where the highway leads into the unknown darkness beyond. The night is calm and the stars are bright overhead. A deep silence lies across the land that Dean would find peaceful on any other occasion but that sets him on edge right now.
Dean breaks the silence with the first thing he can think of.
“It’s been quite a day.”
Next to him he hears Cas chuckle in that deep rumbling tone of his.
“I’d say, it’s been quite a few years actually.”
“Yeah.” Dean agrees and concentrates on his own fingers, absent-mindedly pulling on the label of his beer bottle. “So what’s next? For you, I mean.”
He glances over to find Cas with his neck craned back to stare at the starry sky.
„I just want to go back home.“
Panic closes like a fist around Dean’s heart, because what if Cas means that he wants to take off and go back to heaven? Cas had an eon-long life before Dean came and mucked it up, he couldn’t blame Cas now for wanting to return to it and help his last brothers and sisters to help redefine heaven. If that’s the case, could Dean even convince him to stay?
But then, without taking his gaze off the glowing starts so far away, Cas continues:
„I‘m really looking forward to go through all the books in the library. Maybe Sam and I can work on a new index. And of course playing games with Jack.” A playful smirk plays around Castiel’s lips. “Even watching one of your ridiculous cowboy films with you sounds good right about now.“
„There‘re called Western, Cas.“ The comment comes as a knee-jerk reaction but Dean’s voice is shaky. Because when Cas talked about home, he apparently meant the bunker. But Dean has to be sure. “That meaning you gonna stick around with us?”
Cas tears his eyes from the sky and looks at Dean, a weird sort of confusion on his face.
“Of course. Where else would I go?”
Dean shrugs uncommitted but Cas doesn’t seem to want to let it slide so easily.
“Dean, you and Jack, and Sam, you are my family. I love you; all of you.”
“Yeah”, Dean says unable to stop a trace of bitterness leaking into his voice. “You said that before.”
“Well, I meant it back then. And I mean it now.”
Which is great, Dean figures, but the thing is he hadn’t been able to tell what exactly Cas meant back then and he’s just as clueless now. Because love, Dean has learned, comes in many different shapes and forms.
Dean takes another pull of his beer and then a refreshing gulp of night air right after. He sets his beer down on the earth packed ground next to the car in order to avoid having to look at Cas for a moment. Next to him Cas remains silent. Even as Dean comes back up, he doesn’t seem about to say anything further. Dean knows it’s up to him then.
“I love all of you, too.” Dean turns around to take a look through the wind shield at Sam’s and Jack’s sleeping forms. “I mean, from the start, it’s always been me and Sam against the world. But now Jack… he’s like a son to me.” he turns back to Cas. “And you...”
Words fail Dean, like they so often do. Instead he lets his hand glide over the glossy paint of the hood until the tips of his fingers brush the back of Castiel’s hands. It’s such a fragile, intimate moment and for a second the night seems to have gone completely still around them. Dean looks down at their hands to see Cas move his a bit until their fingers can properly intertwine.
It’s then that the gravity of it all catches up to Dean. Because as of today, all he is is himself, all he does is gonna be his own decision and everything he feels has not been planted in his heart by Chuck but has taken root there by something as simple and beautiful as circumstance and only grown under the warmth of Castiel‘s gaze over the years.
It‘s as freeing as it is terrifying.
But then he gazes back up into Castiel’s face and finds all his insecurities, his helpless longing and desperate hopes reflected back at him.
And suddenly it’s easy.
He leans in and finds Cas meeting him halfway.
There are no sparks flying as their lips finally meet, and thankfully no heavenly choir starts singing either. It’s nothing more, and nothing less than an almost unsure push and pull as they figure out this new way to fit together.
It’s the best kiss of Dean’s entire life.
Eventually he has to stop to breathe but he doesn’t pull away entirely, just rests his forehead against Cas’, his fingers curling into the fabric of Cas’ trench coat to keep him close.
As Dean eventually recaptures his lips Cas sighs into the kiss and Dean uses the opportunity to pull Cas even closer and slip his tongue between his parted lips. Dean hears the thud of Castiel’s beer hitting the ground before he feels strong arms wrap around him as Cas gets on board with the more passionate nature of this second kiss.
Dean thinks he could spend the rest of his life like this and not want for anything more.
There is a sudden knock, startling Dean and making him jerk away from Cas. But when he turns around looking for the source of the noise he only finds Sam staring back at him through the wind shield, hand a few inches away from the glass.
“What are you guys doing?”
Dean glares at his brother. “Just… figuring some stuff out.” It probably isn’t very convincing what with Dean’s hands still bunched in Cas’s coat and Cas’s arms somewhere around Dean’s middle, his fingers splayed across the small of Dean’s back right in Sam’s immediate line of sight. But right now Dean couldn’t give less of a damn about it. “Go back to sleep, bitch.”
Sam rolls his eyes but at the same time there’s a smirk playing along his lips. “Alright, jerk.”
Tomorrow Dean is gonna have some explaining to do but right now it’s much more important to turn his attention back to Cas and to see him smiling at him.
A long time ago when Dean had travelled across the country on solo hunts he sometimes looked out the wind shield at the endless miles of road ahead of him, picturing there was an end to it out there somewhere, a destination Dean would someday reach. Back then he dreamed that one day he would give up hunting, settle down, fall in love and have kids; a family of his own. And then when he eventually realised that he would never be able to leave the hunting life behind he buried his dream alongside the countless monster corpses and salted bones.
Now as he thinks about Sam and Eileen, about Jack and what the future might hold for him; now as he looks into Castiel’s eyes and pictures the road that stretches out in front of all of them, Dean doesn’t much care if there is a destination somewhere out there. He already has everything he’s ever wanted travelling right there beside him.