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Shaun felt heavy as he settled onto the bed in his motel room. The three of them- Rebecca, William, and himself- had been on the road for a few hours now, finally stopping at this place. The front desk clerk was an old acquaintance of William's, and let them have rooms for cheap.
The entire ride had been in complete silence save for the sounds of the van rolling down the highway. Shaun remembered feeling numb the whole drive, staring at his feet as they got further and further away. Away from the cave.
Away from Desmond.
He felt a pang in his chest. He had refused to let himself really think about it, like if he didn't process it, it wasn't real. But now, here in this room, alone with himself, he couldn't ignore it. Desmond was gone. And they'd just left him behind.
Not that it really mattered he supposed. It wasn't like Desmond could hold it against him. Forgetting the fact that he died, he did tell them to just go. Not that it made it any easier. Desmond was…. So special. Shaun knew he’d never find another man like him. He had hated him so much when he first met him, wondering why everyone thought he was so special. Especially when he never really seemed like he wanted to be there. That none of this mattered to him.
Now he knew that wasn't true. Desmond had been closed off and didn't truly know the gravity of what they were facing. After the way Abstergo had treated him of course he wasn't super keen on being trapped in a warehouse with them. But once he realized this was serious, the fate of the world rested on them, he had really stepped up. Shaun was amazed to find out how truly brave and selfless he could be. It's why he'd fallen in love with him. Desmond had given them hope, showed them that no matter what, they had to keep fighting. That so long as you never gave up, you never truly lost.
And he'd had faith in them. When Minerva had insisted they let the world ending catastrophe they were facing happen, that otherwise Juno would be released, he had insisted the assassin's were strong enough to take her.
Shaun never had anyone inspire him the way Desmond had, and he would be forever grateful. Still, he found himself feeling bitter about it nonetheless. He thought of the countless nights they sat awake, unable to sleep, in the vault beneath the Monteriggioni villa. Desmond told him about his life before Abstergo kidnapped him. In turn Shaun had told him a little about his own backstory, although it wasn't as exciting as Desmond's. Even still his friend had listened to him as if it was the most interesting story he'd ever heard.
By the time he fully realized his feelings, Desmond was already in a coma, the animus the only thing keeping him alive. He'd been worried sick the entire time. When he had finally woken up Shaun was elated. He remembered hugging him, Desmond laughing a little. "I never thought you'd be so exicted to see me." He had said. He winced as the sound of Desmond's voice replayed in his head.
When he told him that night, Desmond had reached out. Shaun flinched, worried he was going to hit him, but instead he gently cupped his cheek. "I never thought you'd say anything."
Shaun spluttered, his face tuning bright red. "I- what!"
Desmond smiled and kissed him then. Shaun could still remember the way his lips felt against his own. After that Desmond was almost always by his side, barring the time he spent in the animus. Even at night Desmond insisted on sleeping next to him.
They talked about what they wanted to do once they stopped the world from ending. Making a bunch of wishes that were useless now. He had been so stupid thinking they'd get a happy ending. Wars were never that simple.
-He remembered Desmond's last words. "I love you. I'm sorry it has to end like this."
Shaun frowned, pulling him into a hug. "Don't apologize to me, idiot." He scolded, his voice wavering. "This is the Templar's fault. Not yours."
Desmond chuckled, giving him one last kiss before gently pushing him away."Now go, get out of here before it's too late."-
Shaun didn't realize he was crying until he felt the hot tears land on the back of his hands. His shoulders heaved as he finally felt the pain hit him like a punch to the gut. Desmond was gone and one problem quickly replaced by another. He started to wonder if all of this was even worth it. Which made him feel worse. Desmond sacrificed himself and all Shaun wanted to do was give up.
He laid down then, carelessly tossing his glasses on the bedside table. He had to keep going, he knew that, but for right now, all he wished was that Desmond was still here.