Archive of Our Own

“Listen,” Seokjin says. He’s leaning off the edge of his bed, his head inches away from the ground. All the blood in his entire body (Okay an exaggeration.) is rushing to his face. He's starting to feel dizzy from it, but he doesn’t want to move. The position is oddly comfortable. It’s almost like he’s in a coming of age movie from the 90s. At least that is what it feels like, as he whines into his phone. The only thing that’s missing is a long phone cord that Seokjin would use to wind his fingers around. 

“I’m listening,” the voice on the other end of the line says, exasperated. It’s Yoonji– Seokjin’s bestest, longest college friend and more recently, his ex-girlfriend. They had lived on the same floor in the dorms their first year of college. At their university, everyone was forced to have roommates that wouldn’t even bother to text their other roommate when they were using the room for sex. Even if it was at two in the morning and all the other roommate wanted to do was fall asleep in a room that wasn’t smelling of sex. 

Yoonji and Seokjin spent a lot of time together while they waited for their respective roommates to get off. It’s an experience that Seokjin would never want repeated, but he’s glad he found a great friend from the entire ordeal. They even went through their sophomore slumps together, smoking way too much weed and drowning themselves in studies to ignore the fact they were lonely as shit. Junior year was as great as college was hyped up to be, and it only made sense that at the end of the school year they were in love. It was the perfect college summer romance, complete with sipping boxed wine from the balcony on Seokjin’s subleased apartment after their internships were over and messy, sweaty sex at every chance they got in Seokjin’s room with a half-working air conditioner. It was perfect in all the ways that Seokjin thought falling in love with your best friend was supposed to be. 

Then they broke up a short four months after getting together. 

It wasn’t a messy break up, at least not in the emotional way. It was messy in basically every other way, though, because back in their sophomore year, in the little burst of serotonin and motivation that they got, they started a band with two first years. And the band was good . They started small, just jamming in the parking lot that every musician on campus used as their practice room (The actual practice rooms on campus were booked out months in advance and were tiny. Everyone basically just used the unused parking lot on the edge of campus as the real practice area. There was even an unofficial time sheet that was updated every week or so.) and then they graduated to making their own songs and then performing at house parties and then getting paid to perform at house parties. They even had an EP out on Soundcloud that, while not being the best sound quality, Seokjin was pretty damn proud of. 

Yoonji, as the lead singer of the band, was probably the most dedicated person in the entire group. So when they broke up, everyone was surprised when Yoonji said that she was leaving the band. 

“I think you should reconsider your departure,” Seokjin says. This is probably the tenth time that they’ve had this conversation and every time Seokjin thinks he’s this much closer into getting Yoonji back into the band. They’re nothing without a lead singer and it’s their senior year. This is the last year to make it before post-grad life takes them in completely different directions. This is Seokjin’s last year to prove to his family that music is worth it. 

Okay, so maybe his reasons for wanting Yoonji back in the band are completely selfish. He recognizes that. But she’s also his best friend and he misses her. “Seriously. What type of Paramore inspired dream team are we supposed to be without you.” 

Yoonji sighs into the phone. “You don’t even like Paramore.” 

“I love Paramore.” 

“Name five of their songs then.” 

Seokjin blanks. “Misery Business. Still Into You.” Okay so maybe Seokjin doesn’t actually like Paramore as much as he says he does. “Okay you got me. I don’t know any other songs. But Yoonji, come on. Everyone misses you. I miss you. You know no one can sing like you do.” 

Yoonji sighs again into the phone. Then she hangs up the call. 

Seokjin stares at his phone, eyes wide and head confused. Did she just hang up on him? Oh my god, she really did just hang up on him. 

Then the phone rings a second later, Yoonji’s caller ID flashing on the screen. He stares at Yoonji’s contact picture. Seokjin took it back in their first year, the one time that Yoonji was so tired of not being able to sleep in her own room that she broke into her own room and kicked her roommate’s hookup out. It was three in the morning. On a Tuesday. The picture is right before everything went down, and Yoonji’s staring at the camera, glazed-over fish eyed lined with dark eyeliner and even darker eyebags. She flipped off the camera and Seokjin remembers laughing so hard at the entire thing that he almost peed himself. 

Seokjin answers the call. 

“Sorry that was rude,” Yoonji says, not waiting for Seokjin’s greeting. 

“That was,” Seokjin agrees. He doesn’t dwell on it, though. “Okay, so there’s the big showcase at the end of the semester. And there’s always music producers and labels looking to sign some fresh new talent. I think we could really make it big. I think this could be our break.” 

Yoonji is silent for a second. “I’m not rejoining the band, Seokjin.” 

She hangs up the phone and now Seokjin is the one to sigh into his phone and lament the fact that his music career is practically over before it even fully began. 

~

Seokjin breaks the news to the rest of the band gently. Meaning, he pulls up to Namjoon and Hoseok’s duplex with a case of cheap beer in one hand and the other hand leaning against the doorbell so it’s one continuous din of doorbell music instead of letting the doorbell chime finish. 

Namjoon opens the door, shoulders stiff and face stone cold with annoyance. Hoseok’s behind him, sporting a similar look. 

“So Yoonji told me to go fuck myself,” Seokjin says, sashaying into their place. Seokjin walks himself to the kitchen, opens the designated ‘random’ drawer that has everything from a half empty box of condoms to a burnt wooden spatula and most importantly, a bottle opener. He takes one beer out of the case, puts the rest in the fridge, and then opens the bottle and takes a small sip. 

Hoseok and Namjoon watch Seokjin do all of this in an irritated haze and Seokjin gets it. He would be irritated if he had told his friend to not get in a relationship with their lead singer because dating within the band is always a bad idea, but then said friend did it anyway, and now they’re down the woman that was both their frontman and their lead singer. Seokjin gets it, he does. 

“I’m asking for some sympathy here,” Seokjin says, looking at Hoseok and Namjoon dead in the eye as he takes another sip of his beer. “Just a little sympathy.” 

They stare at each other, and it’s almost like an impromptu staring contest. But just one where blinking is allowed, encouraged even. Seokjin takes another sip. 

Hoseok breaks first. “So she’s not coming back? At all? Seokjin, come on. You promised this relationship wouldn’t come between the band. What are we going to do now?” 

“Literally the only thing we told you not to do is ruin the band,” Namjoon chimes in. “That’s literally the only thing that we told you to do.” 

Seokjin pouts. “Well it’s not my fault that we both realized we’re gay while we were dating. How was I supposed to anticipate both of us having a sexuality crisis?”

Seokjin fully, whole-heartedly believed that he was in love with Yoonji. And maybe he was, in a way. But he couldn’t shake off some feeling that their relationship was missing something. Seokjin always had to psyche himself up whenever they did something that was overtly couple-y. Almost like he had to convince himself that their interactions were going to be romantic. 

He really should have seen it before. But he didn’t, and it didn’t click until Yoonji had sat him down two weeks ago at a coffee shop. They both had iced oat milk lattes in front of them, but neither of them had drunken any of it. Seokjin knew that he was going to be broken up with. He just didn’t expect Yoonji to break up with him and then tell him that she was a lesbian. 

But it made sense and all of the cogs that were whirling in his mind finally clicked into place and Seokjin had stared at her and went, “Oh, me too.” 

Yoonji glared at him, dark lips in a pout. “Don’t make fun of me.” 

Seokjin shook his head. “No, no, no. I’m just– I’m gay too. Like gay gay. I just now figured it out.” It made so much sense. It was like taking your glasses off and washing them with a bit of soap and water before putting them back off. All of a sudden Seokjin was seeing in 2040p and he didn’t even realize that everything was low resolution before. 

They laughed about it together. The air between the two of them was good, way more amiable than Seokjin thought it would be post-break up. But then their iced oat milk lattes were finished and they were saying goodbye with hugs instead of kisses and then Yoonji surprised him again by telling him that she was leaving the band. 

That shock was harder to get over than everything that had happened before. In fact, he was over Yoonji, his now ex-girlfriend. He’s not over Yoonji, his now ex-bandmate. 

None of them are over Yoonji, their now ex-bandmate. 

Namjoon huffs and Seokjin is thrown back into the present where Seokjin is drinking cheap beer at Hoseok and Namjoon’s duplex and pretending that he has his shit together when he really, obviously doesn’t. “I didn’t ruin the band. There’s still three of us right here.” 

 “You know we have a gig on Friday. That’s in six days.” 

Seokjin cringes. He forgot about that. “So she didn’t tell me to actually go fuck myself,” he clarifies because for some reason, he feels like he needs to clarify that. “She wasn’t actually rude, really. She just really is not going to come back.” 

“Friday,” Namjoon repeats. 

“We need a new singer by Friday,” Hoseok says, marching over to the fridge and yanking out a beer for himself. It’s such cheap beer that even for a lightweight like Hoseok, one bottle will probably only make him vaguely tipsy. “Where are we going to get a new singer? Craigslist?” 

Seokjin hums. “That’s actually not a bad idea.” 

“We’re not getting a singer off Craigslist.” Namjoon nips that idea right in the bud. 

“I can be the singer,” Seokjin replies. “I can sing.” 

Namjoon puts his hand to his temple, closes his eyes, and lets out a long, loud sigh that makes it seem like he’s a father of four rambunctious toddlers and not a twenty-one year old that is the makeshift manager of their college band. “I’m not cancelling the gig. So you better sing, Seokjin.” 

“I’ll sing better than a canary,” Seokjin promises. “People won’t even know that we had a different lead singer one month ago.” 

Hoseok takes a pull from his beer. “This is going to be interesting, isn’t it?” 

“I’m a great singer,” Seokjin replies. “Friday will go smoothly.” 

~

Friday comes way too soon for Seokjin’s liking. It’s the first week of classes, so all of his classes are in the easy get your syllabus and get out kind of mode, which Seokjin appreciates because he has other things to occupy his time with. 

Like staring at his posting on Craigslist and waiting for someone to respond to it. No one does, so when Friday morning hits them, Seokjin starts going through his vocal exercises. The gig is at one of those secret society frats, which really isn’t much of a secret at all. It’s just a bunch of artsy pretentious kids that preach inclusivity while also being part of an extremely exclusive group. 

It goes as well as it could have gone. Seokjin’s vocals aren’t bad– he went through a little bit of vocal training when he was a kid and brought back a report card good enough for his parents to agree to a few month’s worth of vocal lessons. But Seokjin isn’t a rock band singer. And even if the songs that they choose for this performance are songs that better suit Seokjin’s range, it just isn’t the same. 

“That wasn’t half bad,” Seokjin says, fishing for compliments. “Right?” 

“Could have been worse,” Hoseok replies. They two of them are sitting in the back of the makeshift lounge, having found themselves open seats after the performance. Namjoon is in the bathroom, which probably means he’s in line for the bathroom, waiting for whoever is in there to finish their quickie. Just fun, college, fratty things. You know? 

Seokjin shakes his head and wishes that there was a small table in front of them so he could put both of his arms on the table and bury his head in them and pretend to not exist. But there’s no table, so Seokjin just slumps his shoulders down and wonders when is it going to be a socially acceptable time to leave. 

“We’ll find someone,” Hoseok reassures. “There are a million and a half singers out there. We’ll find someone. Or hey–” Hoseok smirks, “–maybe I can just get better at vocals.” 

Seokjin rolls his eyes. “We should all get better at vocals. And maybe I should just ask Yoonji again.” Seokjin debates it in his head for a quick second. His phone is just in his pocket. It would take only four taps to call her. Just one more tap to text her. It would be so easy. 

But he can’t– he knows this. Hoseok knows this. Namjoon knows this. Yoonji knows this. So he doesn’t. 

“Man you really fucked us over with that,” Hoseok replies. 

Seokjin groans. “Don’t remind me.” 

“Remind you of what?” Namjoon says, sliding into the seat next to Seokjin. Hoseok leans over and hands Namjoon his drink that he had asked Hoseok to hold while he went to the bathroom. 

“Remind me of my mistakes,” Seokjin says, glaring at everything and nothing at the same time. The lights dim and the talking cloud quiets down as the next act gets ready to come on. 

“Oh,” Namjoon whispers. “Are we talking about Yoonji again?” 

Seokjin elbows Namjoon sharply in the stomach. “It’s rude to talk during a performance.” 

Namjoon huffs and Hoseok hides his laugh in his hand. For good measure, Seokjin jabs both of them in the stomach with his elbow and then settles down to watch the performance. If Seokjin’s read the vibe of the party correctly, he’ll only have to wait through this one performance before being able to leave without anyone questioning him. 

A boy walks on stage. He’s not a boy, really. Everyone at the party is college-aged, because who the fuck invites high schoolers to secret society music gigs. No one. 

But the person looks young. Young in the way that Seokjin knows that he hasn’t even begun to work on his thesis project. Seokjin envives him. He’s wearing a Blink-182 shirt and has an acoustic guitar with him. The front strands of his hair are neon purple and actually look better than Seokjin would think a hairstyle like that would look. Seokjin waits for the rest of the band to come out, but it’s just the dude. He sits on the chair, adjusts the mic, and then awkwardly takes in a deep breath that the microphone loudly picks up on. 

Seokjin feels bad for him, just a little bit, because from the way the guy’s shoulders are so stiff to the way that his eyes are too wide as he scans the crowd, looking for one familiar face that he doesn’t end up seeing, this is probably this guy’s first performance. And the first performance always sucks, no matter how well you psych yourself up for it. It’s always nerve-wracking. 

But Seokjin mostly feels bad for himself, because he’s going to have to sit through this dude fumble through his chords when all he really wants to do is go home, lay in bed, and pray to the Craigslist gods that someone sees his post. 

Then the dude starts singing. 

Seokjin almost launches himself out of his seat. He does, just a little bit, and some of his drink sloshes out of his cup and onto his lap. The boy sings incredibly well. Seokjin doesn’t even know what song he’s singing– Seokjin vaguely remembers it as PVRIS song, but you could probably hold a knife up to Seokjin’s throat and he still wouldn’t be able to name the song.

There’s nothing overtly special about the dude. He’s just sitting, strumming his guitar, eyes closed, and singing. But god, Seokjin knows that this dude has to be their new lead singer. He has to. His voice is one of the best things that Seokjin has ever heard. It’s smooth, light, but has an edge that punches Seokjin right in the gut in the best way possible. 

Seokjin is in love, but not that type of love. He’s in musical love. Seokjin can already see it, this dude as their lead singer and them wowing first the university and then the country and then world with their band. His voice would work so well with the songs that they already have and Seokjin’s mind is just brimming with ideas of the future. 

He’s getting ahead of himself, he knows he is. But he can’t help it. This dude would be perfect for their band. The dude is still singing, but Seokjin can’t keep this information to himself. He has to share it, he leans over into Namjoon’s space and whispers, “That’s our lead singer.” 

Namjoon whips his head around, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What?” 

“The dude that’s singing right now.” Seokjin looks over to the stage quickly and returns to look back at Namjoon. “He has to be our new lead singer. He’s perfect.” 

“He’s a good singer…” Namjoon says slowly. “But do you know him or something?” 

“Nope,” Seokjin says, popping the p sound. “I just have a really good feeling about him.” 

Namjoon shakes his head. “Are you going to go up to him?” 

Seokjin nods, smiling, and then turns his direction back to stage. Hoseok, on the other side of Seokjin, is looking between Namjoon and Seokjin with narrowed eyes, asking to be let into the conversation. But Seokjin just pats his thigh and waits for the dude to finish the song and leave the stage to let Hoseok in on his thoughts. 

Hoseok laughs at Seokjin’s idea. “You really can’t expect to go up to a random guy that you’ve never met and actually have him accept being the lead singer in our band. Like, what movie are you in where this works?”

“With that attitude it’s obviously not going to work,” Seokjin scoffs. “Why do you have such little faith in me? We need a lead singer and neither of you guys are actually putting any work into getting us one. What’s up with that?” 

Hoseok shrugs. “So Yoonji’s not coming back. For sure?” 

Seokjin huffs. “No, Hoseok. She’s not coming back.” 

Hoseok deflates. Seokjin feels bad, just for a second. He sort of forgot that Yoonji was all of their friends and that her departure didn’t just affect him. But he can’t afford to get sentimental right now, so he lets the idea go as quickly as it came. “Well, the dude’s no Yoonji. But I guess it’s worth a shot then.” 

“You’re on your own, though,” Namjoon chimes. “What are you going to do if he says no?” 

Seokjin gets off the seat, downs the rest of his drink in one go, hands the empty glass to Hoseok, and straightens out his clothes. “He’s not going to say no.” Seokjin lightly taps his cheeks to get the blood flowing to them. “Not to this face.” 

Namjoon and Hoseok both laugh, but wish him luck. 

Finding the dude proves to be a bit more difficult that Seokjin was anticipating. The place isn’t even that full, but it seems like the dude walked off of the stage and disappeared into a puff of smoke. Even when Seokjin asks around Hey you know the dude with the eboy dyed hair? everyone just shrugs and points him in different directions. 

It’s infuriating, but Seokjin is not going to let his frustrations get the best of him. He’s doing this for his band. They need a new lead singer and Seokjin just knows this guy is the person that they’re looking for. 

Seokjin finally finds the guy hanging out on the balcony on the second floor of the house. There are less people on the second floor. Enough people to ensure Seokjin that he’s not straying into off limits territory, but few enough people that Seokjin immediately spots the dude as he walks onto the balcony. 

Seokjin follows him. But he makes it casual. The music scene on campus is pretty big, but also friendly and social, and so Seokjin knows a good number of people at the party. He might not be the best at names, but he knows faces and it’s easy to slowly make his way over the balcony by chatting people up. 

Finally, Seokjin’s at the balcony. Only the dude is there, a puff of smoke coming out of his mouth. He nods his head in a greeting when Seokjin opens the sliding door. 

“Hey,” Seokjin says, deciding to cut it right to the chase. “You were the dude on stage, right? You were really great. First time performing here?” 

The dude smiles and puts out his joint on the metal railing. “Hey! You were in the band right before me. I’m Jungkook.” 

Seokjin smiles. Jungkook is even cuter up close. His dye job isn’t perfect, his black roots growing unevenly. But instead of looking cringy, it pulls in his whole look. He has big, wide eyes, and a smile that under different circumstances, would have Seokjin’s heart beating out of his chest. 

But Seokjin is here for business. “I’m Seokjin.” 

“Yeah, it was my first time performing here. I didn’t even know this place existed until the end of last year,” Jungkook says. “It’s pretty cool, though. I’d love to play here again.” 

Seokjin laughs. “Well they do call it a secret society for a reason. Even though it’s kind of an open secret. I mean, they have a whole frat house. You have to have paperwork for that.” 

“You were really good too! I think I’ve seen you guys perform before.” He pauses, thinking. “But isn’t there usually a girl singer?” 

Jungkook’s words surprise Seokjin, surprise him enough that he doesn’t know how to respond to that. Should he play it cool? Act like the reason they don’t have Yoonji any more is because of mutual decision? Or should he play it up, really try to convince Jungkook that he needs to be their lead singer? 

Seokjin is thinking too hard, making the silence stretch into an uncomfortable territory. They both notice it and Jungkook is quick to backtrack on his words. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize that would be a bad thing to talk about.” 

Seokjin decides to play it the cool route. “Oh, no worries. Actually, my band and I are looking for a new lead singer. What would you think of coming to practice with us? Try it out? All three of us were amazed with your voice.” 

Jungkook blushes. It’s a sudden blush too. One second his face is composed and then the next second his face is flushed so much that Seokjin is afraid that he’s going to burst. “Oh, um. Uh.” 

“Just think about it?” Seokjin asks and that seems to calm Jungkook down, just a bit. 

After a moment, Jungkook finds his words. “Sorry that just– I wasn’t expecting that. I’m really glad you guys liked my performance that much!” 

Seokjin can’t wait to hear his next words. Seokjin has him: hook, line, and sinker. 

“But I’m, like, really busy right now. Hope you can find someone else though!” Jungkook smiles as if he totally didn’t just take a sledgehammer to the glass house of Seokjin’s dreams. Jungkook leans away from the railing. “I’m going to go now, but have a nice night!” 

Jungkook leaves and Seokjin looks out of the balcony and thinks about how the hell he’s going to break it to his bandmates that Jungkook turned him down. None of this is going according to plan and it all sucks. 

~ 

Seokjin is late to practice. It’s really not that big of a deal. Seokjin’s internal clock runs a good five minutes behind everyone else’s, and so all of his friends have gotten used to Seokjin running late. He’s tried to curb his tardiness, but at the end of the day five minutes isn't that much of an inconvenience to everyone and it gives Seokjin enough wiggle room to wait in line at Starbucks for his iced coffee. 

Except this time around, the line was wild, the workers churning out drinks at lightspeed for the ever growing line. Seokjin felt bad for them, so he left a nice sized tip when he ordered. But because the line was much longer than Seokjin was anticipating, he’s almost a full fifteen minutes late to practice. 

Practice is on the furthest edge of campus, in a large parking garage that has three floors and probably only five cars in it at any given time. Seokjin doesn’t know what the architects of his university were thinking when they decided to build a parking garage nowhere near any major buildings or roads. It almost is never used, because who would park their car a 20 minute walk away from the center of campus when there were three other garages to use? 

It doesn’t really make sense in Seokjin’s mind, but that’s fine. The large, open space still gets used by almost every musician on campus. The actual music rooms are small, cramped, and always booked out at least a month in advance. The parking lot on the other hand is big, airy, and open 24/7 if you’re savvy enough. There’s even a somewhat official list of occupied times, but Seokjin and his band have been showing up at the same time each week for the past three years, so list or not, this time is theirs. 

“I’m so sorry I’m late,” Seokjin says, huffing and puffing. Running while having a guitar case on your back and trying not to spill your fresh iced coffee was harder a task than Seokjin would have thought it was. “Coffee line. Intense.” 

Namjoon and Hoseok don’t even look ready, which does wonders to Seokjin’s guilt. In fact, the band that practices before them is just now packing up, making small talk with Namjoon and Hoseok as they do so. 

“No worries,” Namjoon says. “We just got here too.” 

Seokjin, admittedly, doesn’t know much about the band that practices before them. He knows that it’s a group of four girls, who always look far too put together than they have any right to look. Seokjin can barely drag himself out of bed for their practice. He can’t imagine waking up even earlier and looking nice while doing it. Major props. 

Oh. Also, the girls’ band fucking rocks. 

“We went over,” their singer says. Seokjin thinks he remembers her name being Chaeyoung. Or was it Mina? He’s really not sure. “Never too early to practice for the showcase,” the maybe Chaeyoung finishes. 

Seokjin groans. Ah yes, the showcase at the end of the semester that they should also be preparing for. If only they had a lead singer. “Don’t remind me.” 

Their drummer, whose name Seokjin actually knows (It’s Momo. Easy to remember.) purses her lips and then says, “Oh yeah, didn’t Yoonji quit?” 

Hoseok lets out a stale cough. “Sadly.” 

Namjoon sighs. “We’re looking for a new singer.” 

Okay, so, confession time: Seokjin hasn’t actually told his bandmates Jungkook shot him down. He tried to, he really tried to, but when they asked about how it went, Seokjin flaked. Seokjin told them he wasn’t able to find him at the party. And so this is how they are now here, a week later and still ‘trying’ to make contact with Jungkook and ask him to be in the band. 

“Any chance you guys know a Jungkook?” Seokjin puts a hand to his eyebrows, showing roughly how tall Jungkook had been in comparison to him. “About this high. Big eyes. Plays guitar?” 

“Hey Chaeyoung, isn’t that the kid that’s in your bio class last semester?” another girl says and now Seokjin remembers. Chaeyoung is the singer. Mina is the guitarist. And the girl that’s talking now is Sana, who’s killer on the bass. “I remember you talking about a Jungkook or something.” 

Chaeyoung nods. “My lab partner Jungkook? He does play the guitar. I don’t really talk to him though. He hangs out with like, the visual arts kids. Usually by the plaza. He skates.” 

“Ooh, a skater boy,” Momo says, laughing. “You into skater boys now, Seokjin?” 

Seokjin laughs and hopes that it’s not too awkward of a sound. He really doesn’t need to reveal his small puppy crush on Jungkook. “I’m into skater boys if they agree to be our new singer.” 

“I mean, if you hang out around the plaza long enough I’m sure you’ll be able to find him,” Chaeyoung says. “Good luck!” 

“I don’t even know what we would do without Chaeyoung,” Sana says, looking sad. “That must really suck.” 

“It does suck,” Namjoon says, looking at Seokjin. He smirks. “I don’t recommend dating within the band. Even with promises that it won’t break up the band, somehow we’re here.” 

“Ouch,” Seokjin says. He knows Namjoon is somewhat joking, but it still hurts. 

“Anyway,” Hoseok chimes in. “Practice time?” 

“We’ll get out of your hair,” Mina assures them. The girls quickly finish packing up their stuff, waving goodbye as they leave. Sana wishes them luck and Seokjin knows that it’s meant to be comforting but it only makes Seokjin feel bad. Do they really seem that desperate? 

Well, Jungkook’s already turned them down once, so he probably is that desperate. 

Setting up is a mindless task, so Seokjin thinks about how exactly he’s going to find Jungkook. He needs to be the one to find Jungkook. The last thing that Seokjin wants to happen is for Namjoon or Hoseok to ask Jungkook and for Jungkook to reply with something along the lines of I already said no . 

It’ll be best for everyone that Seokjin is the one to find Jungkook and ask him to join the band (again.) 

“Sooo,” Hoseok starts. “Am I the only one that thinks it’s a little awkward right now?” He grimaces. “I can’t be, right?” 

Namjoon sighs. “Seokjin, I think you should be in charge of finding Jungkook.” 

“Yeah,” Hoseok adds. “I mean you are the reason we’re in this situation.” 

Seokjin pretends to act defeated. He rolls his eyes and lets out a puff of air. “Fine, whatever. I’ll find him.” He adjusts his guitar strap. “What if he says no?” 

Hoseok shrugs. “Then I guess we find someone else.” 

Namjoon nods. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.” 

Seokjin grins. “Let’s all think positive thoughts here! No bad vibes, please.” 

Namjoon and Hoseok laugh and yeah, Seokjin really dug himself a hole with this one, didn’t he? 

~ 

Back when Seokjin was a first year, he and Yoonji had spent a copious amount of time in the plaza. In the center of the plaza is a big fountain that one graduating class years before had gifted the university. Then there’s the actual plaza, with four large pathways leading away in each direction. And there are multiple large, grassy areas with both plenty of shade and plenty of sun. It was the perfect place to pretend to be productive. 

On sunny days, the entire area would be full with students. They’d either by lounging in the grass, tossing a frisbee, showing off their new skateboard tricks, or just passing through on their way to their actual destination. It’s the busiest place on campus– the student center being a close second– and you’re bound to see someone that you know. 

Seokjin doesn’t have a chance to socialize, though, because the second he sits down with the plan to find Jungkook and ask him to join their band again, his phone rings. 

He almost doesn’t answer it, because one look at the caller ID and he knows what the conversation is going to be. It’s too nice of a day to get yelled at by your parents for being a disappointment to them. The conversation goes an entire minute before it starts. 

“Dad, I really don’t want to talk to you about this,” Seokjin says, trying his best to keep his cool. His parents have made it crystal clear how much they dislike Seokjin’s music career. They say it’s out of care, that they just want the best for him, but he knows it’s really just because his parents don’t like admitting to their friends that their son wants to be a musician. It makes them seem like failures, or something equally as horribly.

“I’m just asking when you’ll be done with that silly dream,” his dad reasons. “It’s time to get serious about the rest of your life, Seokjin. Being a musician is not going to pay the bills. Have you thought about grad school?” 

Seokjin sighs. “I have my advisor meeting next week. We’re supposed to go over grad school requirements and make sure I’m on track to graduate.” It’s not a lie, his meeting really is next week. He’s not looking forward to going to it. 

God, when Seokjin was a kid, the tips of his fingers hurting from playing the guitar, he thought 22 year olds were these huge, big adults with houses and jobs and wives and all of their shit together. Seokjin now laughs at his idea. At 22 he has a tiny ass studio apartment, no job, is very gay, and has no idea what he’s doing with his life. Sometimes Seokjin feels more like a kid now than he did when he was an actual kid. 

“And graduating early? What happened to that?” 

Ugh, Seokjin wishes he never brought up this idea to his parents. Technically, he could graduate early. But that would mean that he would have to cram all of his final requirements, a thesis, and grad school applications all into one semester. He wouldn’t have time to sleep, let alone practice with his band. “No, the thesis advisor really recommends two semesters to complete my thesis. The department really discourages people from doing it in one semester.” 

The conversation continues in the same fashion: Seokjin’s dad asking a dreaded question that Seokjin doesn’t want to answer, casually throwing in jabs about how Seokjin really needs to have a real job in mind; Seokjin trying to not let his annoyance get the best of him, lest he end up with his dad actually yelling at him. 

The call ends way later than Seokjin would have liked it to. Seokjin puts his phone away, takes one look at the readings that are in front of him, and decides to fuck it all. The conversation with his father, while never a pleasant one, truly put him in a foul mood and he doesn’t have any energy to deal with mindless readings at the moment. Seokjin shoves his work into his backpack and then leans back into the grass. 

Seokjin closes his eyes, feels the sun burning his skin, and lets out a deep breath of air as he tries to relax. Tries to push all the bad thoughts and ideas about not having a clue what he’s doing with his life leave his brain. And then he remembers he was in the plaza to find Jungkook. 

Seokjin shoots up, eyes opening and immediately starting his search for Jungkook. He doesn’t find him, but to be honest Seokjin wasn’t looking too hard. Seokjin’s really not in the mood to go up to the person that already turned his offer down and try to convince him of it again. He’s really, really not in the mood. 

So Seokjin decides to fuck it again. This must be a new record of his, twice in as many minutes. He leans back into the grass, closes his eyes, and if Namjoon and Hoseok grill him about not talking to Jungkook, Seokjin will just give them the truth. Both of them know how well Seokjin and his dad get along (Read: not at all), so he’s sure they won’t be too mad at him for it. 

Besides, the sun feels amazing and the hustle and bustle of students all around him provide the perfect white noise to zone out to. And Seokjin would really like to nap 

~

Seokjin wakes up an hour later, surprisingly not a groggy, disoriented mess. If anything, he feels refreshed. The sun has gone down quite a bit, sunset just about to hit, and the business of the plaza has slowed down into a cool, languid pace. Seokjin breathes in and lets out the rest of the tension that he had been holding in himself. 

He takes a quick look at his phone, more out of habit than out of expecting anything to be there. There is a text message from Hoseok, asking how the Jungkook-searching is going, and a text from a classmate asking about the problem set they have due next week. Seokjin replies to Hoseok with a string of sad faces and ignores his classmate’s test. 

Seokjin doesn’t really feel like going home or doing anything that requires getting out of this spot, but he doesn’t want to do absolutely nothing, so he takes out his readings. He’s glad he decided to nap instead of start these, because the concepts of the paper are outlandish to say the least. He’ll never understand Philosophy, or why he has to take a course in it to graduate. 

He gets through a solid two pages before looking up and seeing a group of skateboarders. Seokjin’s interest is immediately piqued because Jungkook is a skater, well at least according to Chaeyoung he’s a skater. And while he might not know her well, Chaeyoung is pretty knowledgeable when she cares to share her wisdom. 

There are two people that Seokjin can see clearly. Other than their bubblegum bright hair (One’s hair is a hot pink, the other’s is a vivid blue), it’s kind of funny how obviously they are skateboarders. Even if they weren’t carrying their boards, there’s something about how they’re dressed with their beanies and white printed t-shirts and baggy pants that just screams Riding a skateboard is half of my personality.  

Seokjin watches them for a minute as they ride around the center of the plaza. Skateboarding always amazes Seokjin because he can’t imagine being into a sport where you consistently fail. Just in the few minutes that Seokjin watches them, they fall a countless amount of times. He guesses it is just part of the charm that Seokjin will never understand. 

He’s about to go back to his readings when Jungkook shows up. He looks different than he did at the show, but maybe that’s just because Seokjin is seeing him in daylight and not just through the shitty lighting at a frat house. Seokjin watches the three of them skate around, laughing at each other when one of them falls. Then he decides that he should go up there and shoot his shot. 

They don’t notice him when Seokjin walks up, so he watches Jungkook take a devastating fall and then can’t help but laugh when he realizes that the crash didn’t do any harm. 

The bubblegums turn their head in unison, which is kind of freaky if Seokjin is being honest. They both narrow their eyes and then the pink one says, “Hey?” 

“Hey?” Seokjin responds. He points to Jungkook, who has just noticed him and is walking over with a smile on his face. Smile, good. “Wanted to say hi. I’m Seokjin.” 

“Seokjin!” Jungkook exclaims. “What are you doing here?” 

Seokjin shrugs. “Just passing through, thought I would say hi. I didn’t know you skateboarded.” 

Jungkook laughs. “It’s just a hobby. I’m not that good at it.” 

Blue says, “He’s a baby skater. But he’s getting better!” 

“Oh, wait,” Jungkook says looking between bubblegums and Seokjin. “Seokjin this is Taehyung.” Jungkook points to the blue-haired guy and Taehyung waves, his smile box shaped. “And Jimin!” The pink-haired gives Seokjin a small wave, but doesn’t smile. “They’re my friends. Seokjin is in a band. We met last week at the house party.” 

“Do you guys play music too?” Seokjin asks, trying to get some small talk going in the right direction so Seokjin’s offer to join his band (again) doesn’t seem to come from out of the total blue. 

“I was a killer at the oboe in middle school,” Taehyung offers, laughing. “No, I don’t play anything now, though. Not really my scene.” 

Jimin shrugs. “I dance,” he says and then doesn’t offer anything more. Which, fine, Seokjin can work with that. 

“Dancing, impressive. I could never. I don’t have the coordination,” Seokjin says. He gestures to their boards. “Even just seeing you guys skateboarding from afar was really impressive. I don’t think I could ever be able to stand on one of those without breaking an ankle or something.” 

Jungkook says, “It’s not that bad! It’s a bit of a learning curve, though. But that’s with anything.” 

“Did you want to learn?” Taehyung asks. “We could totally teach you.” Jimin elbows him in the stomach and they exchange a quick, nonverbal discussion that Seokjin does not understand in the slightest. Jungkook doesn’t seem to understand either, if his awkward side to side shuffling is any indication. “I mean Jungkook could teach you. I suck at teaching.” 

Seokjin doesn’t want to learn how to skateboard. He has no desire to, nothing pulling him towards the skill. But Jungkook smiles at Taehyung’s suggestion and Seokjin is really, really gay. “Okay, I’m down.” 

“We have to go,” Jimin says suddenly. He’s still looking at Seokjin like he is some gum stuck on the bottom of his shoe: half of his look is filled with an apprehensive grimace, the other half filled with a question of how Seokjin even got there in the first place. Seokjin doesn’t know how to process it. “Sorry, but we’ll see you later?” 

“We don’t have anywhere to go though?” Taehyung asks, looking between Jungkook and Jimin. 

Jimin rolls his eyes. “The appointment, Taehyung. We talked about this.” 

“Oh yeah,” Taehyung says, but it looks like there really hasn’t been any Oh moment. “The appointment. Right.” He waves to Jungkook and Seokjin. “Well, see you guys later!” They walk away and Seokjin feels confused. 

“Does Jimin like me?” Seokjin asks. “I mean, we just met.” 

Jungkook shrugs. “It’s a long story.” He takes his phone out of his pocket and unlocks it. “Can I get your number?” 

“My number?” 

Jungkook nods. “You said you wanted to learn how to skateboard?” 

Right. Seokjin’s mind is all over the place. He can barely remember what happened a few minutes ago. He reaches for his own pocket and then all of a sudden he remembers that he’s supposed to be asking Jungkook to join the band, not getting his number and agreeing to be taught how to skateboard all because Jungkook has a cute face. 

He has a job here to do! 

Seokjin’s mind is a burning scrambled egg of thoughts. Ask Jungkook to join the band. Don’t disappoint Namjoon and Hoseok. Wonder why Jungkook’s friends were acting so weirdly. Get Jungkook’s phone number. Pretend that he wants to learn to skateboard. It’s messy, so it’s only mildly surprising when the words that come out of Seokjin’s mouth are equally as messy. 

“Do you want to go out?” 

They both freeze in equal parts shock and embarrassment. Seokjin can feel his face start to blush, the tips of his ears burning red. Jungkook’s face turns red too, big swatches of color on the apple of his cheeks. 

“I mean, like,” Seokjin tries to backtrack but there is really no coming back from accidentally asking someone out. What is he supposed to do? Pass it off as a horrible, shitty joke? Please, Seokjin has more pride than that. “If you want to…?” 

Jungkook fumbles with his phone, pressing it into Seokjin’s hands. “Phone number first.” 

It sounds like a rejection, which doesn’t even phase Seokjin. “Phone number, right.” Seokjin creates a new contact for himself on Jungkook’s phone and then texts himself so they both have each other’s numbers. He gives the phone back to Jungkook and makes himself not run away in embarrassment the moment the phone is secured in Jungkook’s hand. 

“So I’ll text you?” Jungkook asks. He’s still flushed, but trying very hard to maintain a calm composure. It helps Seokjin act a little calmer as well. 

“Sounds good.” Seokjin is trying to act nonchalant, but he is not sure how well of a performance he is giving. It’s hard when everything about the situation is awkward 

Jungkook takes a step back. “Well, see you?” He doesn’t wait for Seokjin to respond before getting on his skateboard and rolling away. He does wave at Seokjin though, and Seokjin gives him a small wave back. 

When Jungkook is fully out of view, Seokjin lets out the biggest sigh known to man and immediately calls Namjoon. Namjoon won’t like that Seokjin didn’t even ask Jungkook to join their band, but Namjoon will know what to do next. At least that is what Seokjin is hoping for, because he’s seriously lost. 

~ 

Seokjin easily loses track of time. It’s not a skill that he’s proud of, but it just happens. Sometimes it’s in the small things, like arriving just on time to class, or always being five minutes late to practice. But sometimes an entire month flies by and Seokjin doesn’t even realize it. 

School makes it too easy to lose time. From the time Seokjin wakes up to the time that he goes to sleep, it feels like he is always doing something. The only time that he gets a break is when he’s in the restroom, and even then it’s not really a break. Senior year makes it that much harder to be on top of things as well, because not only does he have his classes and his band and his thesis and the two student groups that he’s on the executive board for, he always has to think about his future. And the future is telling him that he needs to get his shit in order, and quickly at that. 

So it’s a month before Seokjin thinks about Jungkook again. It happens at practice, when all three of them are lamenting over the fact that they still don’t have a lead singer. Seokjin’s voice is good, passable, but he doesn’t want to be the lead singer. 

“What ever happened to that Jungkook kid?” Hoseok asks, leaning back in his stool behind Namjoon’s drum set. If he leans any further back, Seokjin wouldn’t be surprised if he fell off. But Hoseok has been leaning in that stool for years, he probably knows exactly how far he can tilt before it ends in disaster. 

“You mean the dude that Seokjin accidentally asked out on a date?” Namjoon quips. Right after the second failed attempt (Namjoon and Hoseok still think it was the first), Namjoon had told Seokjin to get his shit together and just ask him to join their band, or Namjoon himself was going to do it. Seokjin kept pushing it off, until he totally forgot about it. 

“Seokjin did what?” Hoseok asks. He slams the stool down, pointing his drumstick at Seokjin. “You never told me that.” 

“It was an accident,” Seokjin clarifies. “I was trying to get him to practice with us and I got all tongue tied.” 

“So are you going to call him now?” Hoseok asks. “To practice with us.” 

Seokjin forgot he could do that. “Yes, actually.” He takes his phone out of his pocket, ignores all the email notifications from assignments being graded and posted and finds his conversation with Jungkook. 

Jungkook had texted him twice beyond the first text that Seokjin had sent to himself. Just a small Hey and then a week later a Still want to skate? Seokjin hadn’t even noticed them and he feels bad, but not bad enough to stop him from sending a text. 

Sorry, I’ve been really busy. Do you still want to hang out? I’m free this weekend.  

“She’s sent,” Seokjin announces. He turns his phone’s ringtone up so everyone will know when Jungkook texts back. He puts his phone back in his jean’s pocket and gets ready to finish up this practice session. 

Then Seokjin’s phone goes off and it’s Jungkook, texting back a simple Sure, Saturday night? 

“So you’re going to do it this time?” Namjoon asks. “Ask him to practice with us?” 

Seokjin stares at the message and nods. “Of course.” 

“I hope it works out,” Hoseok says. “We really need a lead singer. No offense, Seokjin.” 

“None taken.” Seokjin types back a smiley face and that’s that. If things finally go to plan, they’ll have a new lead singer by Saturday. 

~

Seokjin realizes midday through cooking dinner that this is probably a date, at least in Jungkook’s eyes. What else would it be, if the dude that asked you out a month ago is again asking if you’re free? And is making dinner for the two of you? 

It’s a date and Seokjin is well underdressed. Luckily, Seokjin has made the pasta that he’s making now so many times before that it’s mostly muscle memory at this point. He can let his brain wander while his hands are doing all the work. He’s sure that he has the nice brown shirt in the back of his closet, and the jeans he’s wearing just need a quick lint roller to them and they’ll be fine.

He barely finishes getting ready when the doorbell rings. Seokjin psyches himself up in the hallway mirror for a quick second. 

“This is about The band,” Seokjin says to his reflection. “The band. The band. The band.” 

Jungkook smiles when Seokjin opens the door. He holds a grocery bag up. “I wasn’t sure what to bring, so I just bought some beer. Is that okay?” 

Seokjin smiles. “More than okay! Pasta and beer is a perfect combination.” 

They walk down the hallway towards the kitchen and it feels awkward, at least to Seokjin. He hasn’t been on a date in a long time, and he is not even sure if this is an actual date or not. “So how have you been? Performing any more?” 

Jungkook shrugs. They get to the kitchen and Seokjin takes the beers and puts them in the fridge. “Yes, actually! I played at the bar that’s on Tree street. And I’ll be playing at the next secret society party. They have one every month, did you know that?” 

Seokjin does, in fact, know that. He’s been playing at almost every single one of those parties since his sophomore year. But he decides to be a good host and humor Jungkook. “That’s cool! My band will be playing there again too.” 

“I didn’t think I would like playing in front of crowds so much,” Jungkook says. “I thought it was always going to be really awkward. But I kind of like it now.” 

“Doing things for the first time is always a little weird,” Seokjin replies. Like having a maybe date with a cute boy that he’s supposed to ask to join their band. It’s his first time in this situation and he feels a little awkward, a little unsure on how to tread forward. “It gets better though.” 

“Did you still want to skate? I still could teach you if you want.” 

“Oh. Well, not really. I mean– I would love to.” That’s a lie. “But I have my band and senior year things and I’m a bit busier than I would like to be, to be honest.” 

Jungkook nods in understanding. “Well, I’m glad that you made time for me.” 

Seokjin opens his mouth to reply, but no words come out. He closes his mouth and then opens it again when he’s certain that there are words at the tip of his tongue. “Of course. Dinner?” 

Dinner is a simple pesto recipe with pasta and a salad. It’s nothing fancy, but it’s nice having home-cooked meals when most of your food intake is from the shitty sandwiches at the school’s student store between classes. They make small talk through the meal, Seokjin trying to plug his band in at every second he gets. 

“Oh yeah my band,” Seokjin says when they are each talking about the classes they’re taking this semester. “So my band,” he says when they’re talking about their friend groups. “My band does this thing,” he says when they talk about what Seokjin wants to do when he graduates. 

“My band is just three of us right now, though,” Seokjin says after they’ve finished eating. They’re in the kitchen, Jungkook washing the dishes and Seokjin putting them away. Seokjin was totally fine with just leaving the dishes there until Jungkook left, but Jungkook instituted that he helped clean up. “We still need a singer.” 

“Oh yeah, you mentioned that before.” Jungkook runs a plate through the hot, bubbly water. “You know, I would be down to come practice with you guys.” He looks up, eyes wide as if was unaware of the words that were coming out of his mouth until they were already hanging out in the air in front of them. “If that’s what you guys need?” 

Seokjin has to restrain himself from jumping up and down in joy, grabbing his phone, and yelling an excited voice message to Hoseok and Namjoon. Instead, he grips the towel he’s trying with hard in his hand and smiles. “You know, that would be perfect. Are you sure?” 

Jungkook nods. “Yes, I’m sure. I’d love to sing for you guys.” 

“Amazing,” Seokjin replies. “Thank you so much.” 

Finally, things are going to plan. Now just to figure out if Jungkook thinks this is a date or not. 

~ 

They have practice three days later. It’s starting to get cold out, and the garage that they practice in is warmer than the outside, but not by much. They’re all wearing sweats and jackets to keep themselves as warm as possible. 

Jungkook picks up on the band’s rhythm almost immediately. It’s amazing and Seokjin feels so relieved. Jungkook’s voice brings a different, new quality to their original songs. Not that the way Yoonji sang them was bad, of course not, but Jungkook is different. They almost feel like a new band, like a car that gets the works done and emerges out of the car wash sparkling. 

But not everything is smooth going. While Jungkook is very adaptable, the rest of the band has gotten used to the certain way that they performed before. There are little habits that each of them have that they’ve all adapted to over the years of playing. And Jungkook doesn’t know any of them, so while they smooth out each bump, it gets tiring going over every bump. 

“Okay okay okay,” Seokjin says when they beat goes haywire. Hoseok had added a little rift to his part, which he usually does because he claims he gets bored, which had confused Jungkook and made him trip up on his part. And then Seokjin had lost his concentration wondering what was wrong with Jungkook. The only person that had remained on beat was Namjoon, but because everyone else was all over the place it didn’t really matter. It was frustrating because this was the third time it had happened this practice alone. “I think we need to call it for a day.” 

Jungkook looks defeated by Seokjin’s words. Hoseok and Namjoon look relieved. 

“Not because we’re doing a bad job,” Seokjin continues. “I think we’re all just tired.” Seokjin takes his guitar strap from off of him and walks to where all their cases are. “We’ll be fine. We have plenty of time before the end of the semester showcase.” 

“We’re going to perform it that?” Jungkook asks, looking at Namjoon, Hoseok, and Seokjin widely. Seokjin forgot that Jungkook is a rookie to the whole performing thing. The showcase will probably be the biggest crowd that Jungkook has ever played to. 

“If you stay in the band,” Namjoon says. “Yeah, we plan on playing.” 

“So am I like…” Jungkook says. He gestures to the air in front of him. “Part of the band now?” 

“If you want to be!” Hoseok replies. He walks over to Jungkook and swings an arm around him, careful to make sure their instruments don’t hit each other. “You’re a great singer. And I think once we all get used to each other, we’ll be the best thing at the showcase.” 

Jungkook grins sheepishly, slouching because of the sudden weight of Hoseok on his shoulders. “This is cool. I never thought I would be in a band.” 

Hoseok laughs. “You’re in The Band.” 

Jungkook laughs, but it’s clear that he’s confused. 

“No, he’s serious,” Namjoon adds. “That’s our name: The Band. It’s… dumb but it’s what we decided two years ago and it just stuck.” 

It had been Yoonji and Namjoon’s idea. They had both called Seokjin in the middle of the night, voices giggly yet still they insisted that they weren’t that high . They told him that they had a revelation, that their band name had to be The Band . Later, when Seokjin told Hosoek about it, Hoseok thought it was so funny that they had to keep it. And they’ve never changed it since. 

“I’ll enter us later today,” Seokjin says, looking at his band. Hoseok still has his arm draped around Jungkook, and it’s obvious how he’s putting all of his pressure onto Jungkook just to get Jungkook to say something about it. They’re both laughing. Namjoon isn’t laughing, but he has a pleasantly amused look on his face. 

The band wasn’t sad before, but they definitely weren’t happy. They weren’t complete, and they all knew it. But now, even though this isn’t the band that they started with, they’re complete in a different way. And for the first time in a while, Seokjin’s hopeful about their collective future again. 

~ 

Midterms suck. Thoroughly, fully, amazingly suck. Seokjin is just glad that most of his classes are humanities based, so he’s stuck writing essays after essays instead of memorizing chemical reactions or something of the like. 

Jungkook on the other hand is suffering through the science requirement and Seokjin doesn’t envy him at all. They’re both in the stacks, which isn’t the best place to be but it is a good place to get some serious studying done. 

But Seokjin has been working on this essay for so long that he feels like his brain is more essay than brain. It’s four in the morning, so the part of his brain that isn't an essay is mush. He needs to go home and sleep for many, many hours. He really should have finished this essay a week ago, but here he is. 

“How’s studying going?” Seokjin asks, pushing his laptop away from him. There’s no one around them, which makes sense because everyone else was probably smarter than them and did their studying beforehand so they weren’t cramming out every word hours before their essays were due. 

Jungkook is almost asleep, and he’s cute as he tries to act awake. He rubs his eyes and all of a sudden Seokjin wants to kiss him. He’s not sure where the urge is coming from, and he pushes down the feeling almost as immediately as it felt it. Seokjin’s allowed to admit that Jungkook is cute. But he’s not allowed to screw his band over again and complicate everything with feelings. 

So no kissing. Nope, nope, no. 

“I think I need to go home,” Jungkook admits. “There’s no more biology I can fit into my brain. I don’t give a shit about photosynthesis anymore.” 

“Home sounds amazing.” Seokjin closes his laptop and shoves all of his notes and his computer into his backpack. His essay is almost done and if he wakes up at noon, that gives him a solid two hours to finish it up before the deadline. He’s finished up an essay in less time before. 

Jungkook quickly packs up his things as well. He’s falling asleep even as they walk towards the elevator. Seokjin takes his hand– not because he thinks Jungkook is cute, of course not– because if someone doesn’t lead Jungkook out of the library, he’s going to trip over himself. 

By the time that they’re outside, Jungkook is more awake. The cold night air is the finishing touch to wake him up and so Seokjin lets go of his hand. 

“Good luck on your test,” Seokjin says. Neither of them are moving. They’re just standing in front of the library, waiting for the other person to move. 

“Fuck biology,” Jungkook says, pouting. God, Seokjin really wants to kiss him. He thought he really wanted to kiss him before in the stacks, but outside in the moonlight and a quiet campus, Seokjin really wants to kiss him. 

He can’t do that, though. But he’s afraid if he doesn’t leave right now, he’s going to do something that he regrets. “Fuck biology,” he agrees. Seokjin takes a step back, towards the direction of his apartment. “I’m gonna go. Text me when you’re home?” 

Jungkook nods. “You too.” 

“Goodnight, Jungkook,” Seokjin says, taking another step backwards. He waves and then turns and then walks away before he thinks twice about his decision. By the time he gets to his apartment, he’s calmed down. The urge to kiss Jungkook is gone, but it’s been replaced with the need to hold his hand and hang out with him again. 

Seokjin’s fucked. 

~

Hoseok and Namjoon do not approve of Seokjin’s crush. Seokjin didn’t think that they would, so he’s not too sure why he told them about it. It had just slipped out of his mouth when the three of them were getting snacks in the student center. 

“You’re going to fuck up the band again,” Hoseok says, not even bothering with niceties. When it comes down to it, Hoseok is the most serious out of all of them. But usually he tries to soften up his words to not make them too harsh. But he’s not pulling any punches here and Seokjin can’t fault him for that. 

“Seriously, Seokjin,” Namjoon adds. “This isn’t a good idea. Besides, you’re going to graduate soon and then what? Jungkook still is here for two more years.” 

Seokjin knows all of this, trust him. He hasn’t stopped thinking about Jungkook, for better or for worse. The thought of Jungkook is stuck in Seokjin’s head and no matter how hard Seokjin tries to pull the thought out, it buries itself deeper. It’s not a good idea for Seokjin to act on his crush, so he’s not going to. But that doesn’t stop him from thinking about it.  

“I’m not going to do anything,” Seokjin scoffs, taking a big slurp of his drink and then choking on the liquid. He tries to act like he isn’t choking though, to make himself sound more serious, but it’s kind of hard to pretend that you aren’t choking when you’re actually choking. 

Hoseok whacks him on the back three times. It hurts, but it stops Seokjin from choking any more. 

“I was saying,” Seokjin continues, voice raspy. He coughs to get his voice back to normal. “Anyway, I was trying to say that I’m not going to do anything about it. I know, trust me.” Seokjin clenches his fists together. “I know that there’s a lot at stake and I won’t do anything to fuck it up again. I just couldn’t not talk about this with anyone. I felt like I was going to burst.” 

Seokjin normally doesn’t get emotional. He tends to bottle things in, keep them close to his heart, until he overflows. But even then, he tended to keep his breakdowns to himself and his pillow. Seokjin knows that he has friends that care about him, but your pillow never judges you. And friends, even well-meaning ones, will judge you– even if just slightly.

(He used to be open with Yoonji. He could tell Yoonji everything, which is maybe why he’s taking the Jungkook thing so harshly. It’s just a crush, but he doesn’t have anyone to share it with. He wants to text Yoonji all about it, let himself gush and fawn to his best friend. But he hasn’t talked to Yoonji in a while. And he’s starting to think that they’ll never talk again.) 

Hoseok pats Seokjin’s shoulder. “We were friends with Yoonji, too Seokjin. We haven’t talked to her since she left.”

“We just don’t want to lose another friend,” Namjoon continues. “I mean, hopefully we can be friends with Yoonji again in the future. But still.” 

Seokjin understands, he really does. He wonders if Yoonji feels the same way, just waiting for Seokjin to reach out to her while Seokjin waits for some unknown sign to pop into his life and tell him it’s okay to be friends with Yoonji again. God, why are all types of relationships complicated as fuck?  

Hoseok says, “Well we don’t want you to burst. What are we supposed to do with a burst Seokjin?” 

Namjoon nods. “We just care about you, Seokjin. And we don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.” 

“I won’t,” Seokjin promises and they both believe him. But Seokjin is not too sure if he believes himself. So instead of dwelling on it, he throws himself into practice. The more he works– whether that be on school work or work with the band– the less time that Seokjin has to think. 

Seokjin starts showing up to practice early, which doesn’t physically do much because the girls that are there before them never cut short their practice times. But it does help Seokjin get into the practice mode sooner and he’s able to dedicate his entire self to playing the best music he’s able to play. 

For the showcase, each group is allotted ten minutes for their performance. Other than the time, there aren’t any limits on what they can and can’t do. After a lot of heated debate (They all have opinions on what songs are the best for showing their full potential) the group decides on playing three songs: two older songs and a newer song that Jungkook had written the lyrics for. 

Seokjin didn’t even know Jungkook could write lyrics until Jungkook had shown up to practice one day looking distracted. Namjoon had asked him if anything was wrong, but it wasn’t until the end of the practice when they were all walking out of the garage together when Jungkook finally spilled that he had lyrics and a melody that he thought the band would really like. 

Namjoon was impressed– and it takes a lot to impress Namjoon. The song took some time to shape, but they decided that it would be the perfect closing song. 

The showcase is still a month away, but in school time Seokjin knows that it isn’t actually that far away. They play through their setlist and Seokjin is giddy in excitement. It’s really good, probably the best thing that Seokjin has ever heard. 

They’re good to go and Seokjin can't wait to give their best performance possible. 

~

Seokjin feels dead as he walks to practice. He had forgotten that he agreed to get coffee with Jungkook before practice and so when Jungkook had called him to let him know that he was outside, Seokjin jolted out from his bed and rushed to put on clothes. He didn’t even have time to fully wake himself up and the coffee is weirdly making him energized but is not actually doing anything to stop him from being drowsy. It’s like he’s a fire that keeps wildly sparking without ever turning into a full flame. 

Jungkook hasn’t seemed to notice Seokjin’s drowsiness. He’s talking an hour a minute from the moment Seokjin leaves his apartment to the time they get to the garage. If Seokjin was given a quiz on what Jungkook had been talking about in the last fifteen minutes, Seokjin would fail it. 

But the sleepiness vanishes the second that Seokjin sees who is at practice. Yoonji’s sitting on the floor, laughing at something that Hoseok had said. Seokjin looks quickly around. The girls are chatting and packing up their stuff. Both Hoseok and Namjoon are relaxed, at ease as they talk to Yoonji. That’s good. That’s really good, actually, because that probably means that Yoonji will react nicely to seeing Seokjin too. 

But why is she here? 

Seokjin hasn’t seen Yoonji in months. He hasn’t even texted her or looked at her social media or anything. And so Seokjin freezes when he sees Yoonji, smiling and talking and acting like this is normal. 

It makes Seokjin ache for a second. It’s almost like their band is how it used to be. This scene has played out plenty of times before, almost exactly actually. Then Yoonji turns her head to look at Seokjin and she also freezes and then Seokjin is reminded that it is not a scene that has happened before. 

Everyone goes quiet as they look at each other. The tension in the room swells until Seokjin is practically drowning in it. He doesn’t know what to say, or how to say it. He wants Yoonji to make the first move. And Seokjin is sure that Yoonji is waiting for him. 

Jungkook chooses that moment to take a huge slurp of his iced coffee, and then tension shatters. Everyone begins busying themself with something, creating an illusion of privacy between the two of them that Seokjin appreciates. 

“Hey,” Yoonji says. She has her hair down, the tips dyed green. The last time he saw her, she was just talking about dying her hair, but she hadn’t actually done it yet. It’s a sharp reminder that both of their lives have continued on, regardless if they were friends or not. She gives him a gentle wave of her hand and then stands up. 

Seokjin forgot how short she was. The top of Yoonji’s head is just to Seokjin’s collarbone. “Long time no see,” he says and it’s probably the most corny shit he could have said, but he wasn’t really prepared to see Yoonji today. He wants to glare at Namjoon and Hoseok for not giving him a heads-up, but then he realizes that he left his phone charging on his nightstand so even if they did text him, he wouldn’t have gotten it. 

Yoonji smiles. She looks him up and down and it reminds Seokjin of when they first met each other and Yoonji was disgusted with what he was wearing. It wasn’t entirely Seokjin’s fault though; the water fountain in the hallway had burst open right before their hall meeting. Seokjin had shown up late to the meeting, soaking wet, and informed their RA of the mishap. The meeting ended up having to get rescheduled. God, Seokjin misses hanging out with her. 

“You look tired,” she says. 

Seokjin lets his eyes slip shut. Now that the shock of seeing her again has worn off, he’s getting sleepy again. “Didn’t sleep well.” 

“It happens.” Yoongi nods and presses her lips together like she’s trying really hard to figure out what to say next. Seokjin understands. He has a million and a half things that he wants to talk to her about, but no idea how to talk to her. It’s so weird being so close to someone and then going to complete strangers. 

Chaeyoung slides up to Yoonji. “We’re all packed up. Ready?” 

Seokjin watches the tension seep out of Yoonji’s posture. She leans into Chaeyoung, bumping their hips together. “Yeah, let’s go.” She laces her hands with Chaeyoung’s and Seokjin really, really should have seen that coming. “We should talk some time,” Yoonji says to Seokjin. “Get some coffee or something.” 

Seokjin can feel his heart in his ears. Yoonji wants to hang out with him. Yoonji maybe wants to be friends again. Seokjin is so grateful (and sleep deprived) that he has to blink rapidly to stop the tears from coming. “Yeah,” he manages to say. “That sounds great. I’ll text you.” 

Yoonji smirks. “Do that.” 

The girls leave and Seokjin gets his stuff ready in a haze. Did that really just happen? Part of Seokjin feels like he’s in a dream, but when he pinches himself nothing happens except for a red mark appearing on his arm. 

“So,” Jungkook says, dragging out the word. “What was that?” Seokjin had totally forgotten that Jungkook didn’t know what happened for Yoonji to leave. To be fair, none of them had told him the details and he really has no connections to Yoonji. There was no way for him to put together the pieces on his own. 

“That was Yoonji,” Seokjin says, hoping that that is enough of an answer for Jungkook.

 It isn’t, if his still confused face is anything to go by. “Your old singer?”

“The one and only,” Hoseok says. 

“She’s also Seokjin’s ex,” Namjoon puts in. “They broke up and so Yoonji left the band.” 

“It’s more complicated than that,” Seokjin replies, but doesn’t follow up with an explanation. Luckily, no one presses him about it. 

“That actually wasn’t as awkward as I thought it was going to be,” Hoseok says. “I was expecting the first time for Yoonji and Seokjin to see each other would end in, like, fire or something. But it went pretty well.” Hoseok sighs. “I miss hanging out with her.” 

“She was just here to see Chaeyoung,” Seokjin says. It makes sense that Yoonji would be here to watch her girlfriend and her band play. The fact that Seokjin showed up was just an accident. Yoonji knows that Seokjin is always late, so it was probably a surprise to her when he was on time for once. 

Namjoon laughs. “Please, Yoonji knew exactly what she was doing, Seokjin. She wanted to see you.” 

“I mean I don’t know her that well,” Jungkook chimes in, “but it did seem like she was happy to see you.” 

Seokjin hums under his breath.  “Okay, so even if she was here to see me, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Seokjin doesn’t think he’s going to be able to stop thinking about Yoonji. Not for the next couple days, at least. He looks over to Jungkook and immediately feels bad. His crush on Jungkook has done nothing but grow the more time that they spend with each other, but he doesn’t want a repeat of the Yoonji situation. (Though Seokjin highly doubts that even if Jungkook and Seokjin were to get into a relationship, it would end with both of them realizing they’re gay. For starters, Seokjin is already confident that he is gay.) 

But Jungkook is so cute and incredibly smart and maybe Seokjin just has a thing for lead singers. 

“Can we just get to practice?” Seokjin asks. “Please?” 

Hoseok strums his bass. “Practice time it is.” 

Practice now. Think about feelings later. Sounds like a great plan if you ask Seokjin. 

~ 

Seokjin does a really good job at not thinking about his emotions. Later, later he can think about them. But with the semester ending, and final papers and projects and applications piling up, Seokjin has plenty of other things to think about. 

Mainly, what is Seokjin going to do after he graduates? He wants to continue making music, to continue working with his band. But he has no idea where he’s going to grad school. He’s applied to some in the area, but what if he doesn’t get into any of the programs? And does Seokjin even want to go to grad school? Why can’t he just find a nice paying job with his bachelors degree and devote the majority of his time to music? 

That’s the dream, really. But it’s just a dream and it’s completely unattainable. His parents call him every other week, checking up on his grades and his application statuses and making it very clear that Seokjin’s only option is to go to grad school, lest bear the weight of their disappointment.

Seokjin remembers thinking about graduating from college when he was back in high school. Then, it seemed like college graduation was a looming goal in front of him, one that was going to take a while to reach. But, boy, does life come at you fast. It feels like Seokjin blinked and then it’s the end of the fall semester of his senior year. 

Sometimes Seokjin just wants to stop time and give himself some time to breathe. But he knows that life doesn’t work like that, and so the most that he can do is be appreciative of the moments that he has. 

They played at another house party today, and they’re all riding off the waves of adrenaline the stage brings them. All of them are squished on a couch together, the party still happening around them. The topic of their conversation eventually makes the way to the showcase, as it always does nowadays. It’s only two weeks away and it’s been on everyone’s minds. Not only is it the biggest event on campus, but it’s also the last (good) chance that they have on getting signed. 

It’s a literal now or never situation. 

“I’m just saying,” Hoseok says, accuntating every word with a wave of his hand, “that Jihoon’s band got signed three years ago and what now? Where’s their tour? Their album? Their promotion. Getting signed means shitall.” 

“But it would help,” Namjoon argues. “You can’t argue that it wouldn’t help us.” 

“So it’s not the end of the world if we don’t get signed?” Jungkook asks, trying to follow the conversation. He’s doing much better than Seokjin is, who decided to zone out the second they started talking about the showcase. 

“We’re getting signed,” Seokjin insists. “Come on guys, think positive. We’re getting signed.” Seokjin squeezes himself out of the couch. “I’m going to go get another beer.”  

Seokjin does not, in fact, go to get a beer. He doesn’t even try to act like he’s making his way towards the kitchen. No, instead he goes straight for the back door and into the backyard. There aren’t many people out here, but there are chairs for sitting on and the cool night air to keep him company. He makes a beeline for a chair, wanting peace and quiet and to not think about band things right now. 

He gets to the chair and realizes that someone is already sitting in the chair. Someone he knows very, very well. 

“Wanna smoke?” Yoonji asks, holding out her pen. This wasn’t what Seokjin had in mind when he wanted peace and quiet and to not think about the band. There’s peace, sure. Quiet, maybe. And he definitely won’t be thinking about the band while he’s sitting next to Yoonji. 

“Sure,” Seokjin replies. There’s a chair next to Yoonji that he sits in and he takes two hits before passing it back to Yoonji. Pens hit way harder, especially when Seokjin doesn’t smoke that often anymore. The high hits him after a few seconds, making him slump back into the chair and relish in the air coming in and out of his nose. It makes him more relaxed, and he didn’t realize how exactly wound up he was until the tension seeps its way out of his body. 

“You were really good,” Yoonji says, twirling her pen around in her hand. She continues twirling it until it falls out of her grasp. She catches it, though, and puts it in her jacket pocket. “The Band was really good. New songs?” 

Seokjin breathes out, the air sharp in his lungs. “Just one new one. Still prepping for the showcase, you know?” 

Yoonji laughs. “How can I forget? It seems like everyone I talk to won’t shut up about it. Chaeyoung is so nervous.” She pauses, but she’s clearly not done with what she has to say, if the way she keeps putting her head up to look at Seokjin and then quickly putting her head back down, is any tell. Seokjin waits for her. He didn’t want to talk about the band, but talking about the band with Yoonji is a different thing. There is still an awkward type of air between them, one that Seokjin knows will only be mended with time. He hopes that Yoonji will give him enough time to make it better. 

“You know, I’m really glad you and the band are still together,” she finally says. “I mean, I never thought that me leaving would break you guys up. But now thinking back, it was still a pretty shitty thing to do.” 

“What do you mean?” Yes, it was sad that Yoonji left but it wasn’t all that unexpected. They had broken up after all, and it’s always been Seokjin’s band. Sure, Yoonji was the first person to join but it wasn’t because she had the idea and the drive to be in the band, it was because Seokjin was in it. And they established early on in their friendship that wherever Seokjin went, Yoonji followed. “We broke up. It made sense that you didn’t want to be in the band anymore.” 

Yoonji huffs. “Like, I get that. I really do. But it still doesn’t stop me from feeling shitty about it, all right? Accept my damn apology.” 

Seokjin can’t help but laugh. Yoonji has always been forceful in every way of the word. It doesn’t surprise Seokjin that Yoonji would even force Seokjin to accept an apology that is not really needed. “Apology accepted.” 

Yoonji sticks her tongue out at him. “Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome?” 

Yoongi relaxes back into her seat, so Seokjin and her are in the same position. They would look insanely weird to anyone walking by, two college seniors all but melted into their chairs, so he’s glad that they’re mostly alone in the backyard. “I’m glad you guys are doing well. You’ll kill it at the showcase.” 

Seokjin didn’t realize how much he needed Yoonji to acknowledge that the band will do well until she says it. It makes sense, Yoonji has always been both Seokjin’s and the band’s biggest motivator. She was always the one to tell them to Suck it up and perform, goddamnit. We got this. 

“You all sound amazing. I mean, Jungkook’s vocals don’t hold a candle up to my own, but you guys are great. Anyone that is at the showcase would have to be deaf to not see how good you guys are.” 

“Your singing is one of a kind,” Seokjin replies. “You still singing?” 

Yoonji stiffens and Seokjin only barely manages to catch it. “Not really. I don’t think I really, uh, want to do the music thing anymore. Not really my scene.” 

“I see,” Seokjin says, even though he totally does not. Yoonji loves singing, at least loved it when they were still talking to each other. So what gives? 

“Don’t get me wrong, I love singing,” Yoonji says as if she can read Seokjin’s mind. “But I don’t think it’s really for me. I don’t really see music as being the rest of my life.” Yoonji reaches over and grabs Seokjin’s hand. “I have a confession.” 

“Shoot.” 

“I only used the breakup as an excuse to get out of the band,” Yoonji says. “Well, like, partly. I still didn’t want to see you because I felt so bad after we broke up. But I also felt terrible that I didn’t want to be a part of the band anymore. So I thought it would just be better that everyone thought that the reason I left the band was because we broke up. I’m sorry.” 

Seokjin takes a second to process what Yoonji is saying. He’s not mad, not at all. Even though their split was mutual and because of reasons beyond either of their control, he really didn’t want to see Yoonji for the few weeks after their breakup anyway. But one part of her words really sticks in his head. “Wait, so you’re saying that I didn’t break up the band?” 

Yoonji’s eyes widen. “Um, no?” 

“Oh my god,” Seokjin exclaims. “Do you know how much Hoseok and Namjoon have been holding that over my head? It’s not like they are mean about it, but they’re always like Oh Seokjin, don’t get another crush you’ll break up the band again . It’s infuriating.” 

“So who is this new crush?” Yoonji asks, laughing. “Is it on the new singer boy?” She squeezes Seokjin’s hand and then lets it go. “Wow, didn’t really think of you as the guy with a thing for singers.” 

“It’s not a crush ,” Seokjin defends before realizing it’s Yoonji that he’s talking to. He has nothing to hide from her. “Okay, it’s a crush. But it’s not like I’m going to do anything about it.” 

“Why not? I haven’t seen much of the two of you, but he looks at you like you hung the moon, Seokjin. I think you have a chance.” 

“Well,” Seokjin replies. “To start, I don’t know what my future is going to look like. We’re graduating soon, Yoonji. And my parents are still making me apply to grad school and I have no idea where I’ll be in a year’s time. I don’t know what I’m doing about music, let alone a relationship.” 

“Woah, woah, woah,” Yoonji replies. She leans forward in her seat so her face is closer to Seokjin’s. Seokjin can feel her serious stare boring into him. “I forgot how much you get stuck in your own head. Okay, so what if you move someplace else for grad school? Why can’t you do music there too? It’s not like you can’t record whatever new album you are working on in different studios.” 

“Okay, but–” 

“Listen for a second, ‘kay? You don’t have to pick one thing to do and that’s it. You can be a kick ass professional in whatever you want to do and be in a band, you know? And on the relationship thing, why do you never let yourself try things? Like, okay you ask Jungkook out and it doesn’t work that’s okay. And if it does work out and you leave that’s okay too! You’re thinking way too far ahead for things that you don’t even know are going to happen yet, Seokjin.” 

Every one of Yoonji’s sentence is like a needle that’s popping all the worries in Seokjin’s mind. Just because they’re popped doesn’t totally mean that they’re gone, but it’s nice to have a break from constantly being anxious about them. Seokjin knows that Yoonji is right, too. There’s no need to worry so much about the future when he’s not even sure what the future will look like. 

“Live in the moment, dude,” Yoonji finishes. 

Seokjin takes in a deep breath. He needed this, needed a talk from his best friend to set back on track. He feels way better, even if their conversation was barely ten minutes. “I miss you.” 

Yoonji draws away and settles into the back of the chair again. “I missed you too, Seokjin.” Her phone goes off, the ringtone obnoxiously loud. She changed it, but Yoonji constantly changes her ringtone so it’s not that big of a surprise. She reads the message and then gets up from the chair. “I have to go,” she explains. “But let’s talk again soon? Okay. I have lots to tell you.” 

“Is this going to include talking to me about you and Chaeyoung?” 

Yoonji laughs, throwing her head back and rolling her eyes with it. “Duh.” She gets serious. “But– let’s be friends again, please?” 

Seokjin nods. “Let’s be friends again.” 

Yoonji holds out her fist and Seokjin immediately gets it. They have a secret handshake, nothing too complex but it’s something that they always do. It’s three fist bumps, then they link pinkies, and then end it with a high-five. It’s simple, but going through the actions makes Seokjin feel warm. 

Yoonji starts walking towards the house. “Catch you on the flip side.” 

Seokjin waves goodbye to her, watching until she disappears into the house. He sits with his thoughts for a while, allowing himself to replay Yoonji’s words in his head. Seokjin needs to think about his band now, make sure that they’re all ready to give a killer performance at the showcase. Then when that’s over, he can worry about applications and thesis and all that. One thing at a time, that’s all he can do. 

He’s not alone for that long, because barely five minutes after Yoonji leaves, Jungkook is standing next to him. Seokjin doesn’t notice him at first, too busy in his own head, but then Jungkook coughs and the noise immediately grabs Seokjin’s attention. 

“Oh,” Seokjin says. “Didn’t see you there. Wanna sit?” 

Jungkook nods and then sits down next to him. “I was wondering where you went.” He points around them. “This doesn’t really look like grabbing a beer.” Jungkook’s drunk, but just slightly. The only way that Seokjin can tell is because he’s talking a bit slower than usual, as if he has to concentrate very hard on every word that is coming out of his mouth. 

Seokjin laughs and shakes his head. “I just needed some air. Got a bit too worked up.” 

“Are you thinking about the performance? Because I’m so nervous about that. We could get signed. I think we could totally get signed, actually. We’re really good.” Jungkook smiles as he speaks and Seokjin’s heart starts doing jumps in his chest. “I think we’re going to kill it if we perform as good as we did today. Did you see the crowd? They were totally vibing with us. Man, I’m so glad that you wanted me to be in your guys’ band. I love it.” 

“You’re cute when you get into a topic,” Seokjin says, the words coming out naturally. 

Jungkook shoots his head up and looks at Seokjin. He blushes, but it’s dark enough that Seokjin can’t really see it. 

“I think we’ll do great at the showcase,” Seokjin finishes. There’s something about Jungkook’s enthusiasm that is contagious. Seokjin feels more assured. Yes, they’re going to do great at the showcase and whether or not they get signed, Seokjin knows that he wants to keep going with his band. He wants to keep making music, keep putting his creativity out in the world. He wants to do this for the rest of his life, even if he’s in grad school or gets a job or does anything else. He always wants to have this band. 

“We’re going to rock,” Jungkook says, grinning. 

Seokjin agrees. He’s so close to leaning over and kissing Jungkook, just a small and simple kiss. But he holds himself back. He probably won’t fuck up the band if he confesses his feelings to Jungkook, but it’s better to play it safe when they have something so important that’s coming up. 

Band first, then feelings. But feelings are definitely going to come up. Seokjin looks up at Jungkook and he’s still smiling, beaming even, and Seokjin is a goner. Yeah, his feelings for Jungkook can’t be pushed down much longer.

After the showcase, Seokjin is going to confess. But for now, he’s going to sit outside of a house party with Jungkook and talk and talk and talk until there is nothing left to talk about anymore. 

~ 

The food highlight of Seokjin’s undergraduate career is most definitely the pizza joint that’s a five minute walk away from campus. The pizza isn’t even that good, nothing to write home about, but there’s something about standing in a long, winding line at two in the morning with half of the student body to buy a five dollar slice that is the size of your entire torso that makes Seokjin’s heart feel fond. Maybe it’s the camaraderie, maybe it’s the grease, maybe it’s the fact that there’s no way a sober person would stand in that line. Maybe it’s all three, Seokjin’s really not questioning it that much. 

It was Hoseok who had suggested they get pizza, and now the four of them are wandering back through campus, trying their best to eat their gigantic slices of pizza while walking at the same time. Jungkook almost trips once and that sends the rest of them into a laughing fit. Namjoon, the smartest of them all, didn’t even try to eat while walking. His pizza is in a to-go container in his hands, patiently waiting to be eaten the moment they get to Seokjin’s apartment. 

They don’t make it to Seokjin’s apartment. It’s mostly Seokjin’s fault, because his apartment is so far (on the other side of campus, which is at least a twenty minute walk) and he’s hungry now. And tired of trying to coordinate his hands, mouth, and feet all at the same time. So he stops and sits down in a field of grass. 

“Come,” he says to the rest of them. “The grass isn’t even that wet.” 

They all groan as they sit down, because if there is one thing that Seokjin is good at is telling white lies. But they don’t get up, so Seokjin marks it down as a win in his book. 

“What do they put in this pizza?” Hoseok asks, mouth half full. There’s cheese running off of his pizza and onto his jeans, but it seems like he hasn’t figured that out yet. “Like, I swear, every time I go there it gets better. I don’t get it.” 

Namjoon laughs. He’s finally got his own pizza out of its box and he’s staring at it, trying to figure out the best way to approach. Seokjin’s method is to shove as much as he can into his mouth before making a clean bite with his mouth, but that’s not the best method for everyone. “It’s probably because food in the middle of the night always tastes better.” 

Jungkook grins. He has grease all over his face and Seokjin wants nothing more to clean his face with a napkin and then kiss him. “Also probably because you’re high.” 

Hoseok laughs, a loud sharp noise that rings out against the quietness of the night. “I think Jungkookie’s point is better than yours, Joonie.” Hoseok, when he’s not sober, likes to make everyone’s name ‘More fun’. That’s his own words, not Seokjin’s. At first Seokjin had found it annoying, but the more he hung out with Hoseok, the more he found it endearing. Now, he doesn’t even really notice it. 

Seokjin’s pizza is really, really good. The pizza sauce is perfectly seasoned and the cheese just melts into Seokjin’s mouth and don’t even get him started on the crust. The crust is the best thing about that place. Sometimes, when Seokjin wants to do something homemade but not that homemade, he’ll walk himself down to this pizza shop and just buy pizza dough. It’s that good. 

Seokjin doesn’t pay much attention to the conversation that’s going on around him. He just knows, basing off of the way everyone is constantly laughing, that they’re having a good time. It feels good to do fun things with his band. It reminds Seokjin that these are his closest, dearest friends and not just the people that he plays music with. And mostly important, it reminds Seokjin that whatever happens in the future– from the near future like the showcase that is only a week away, to the further future like graduation– these people, these friends, will be there with him. 

It’s a comforting feeling, but maybe that’s just the delicious pizza digesting in his stomach. Whatever it is, he’s happy about it. 

Namjoon nudges Seokjin with his foot. “Seokjin, Seokjin, Seokjin.” 

Seokjin shakes his head. The conversation probably had shifted to him without him even noticing it. “Mm?” 

“I asked what you’re going to do when you graduate. Still looking for grad schools?” 

Seokjin nods. His lips are greasy from the pizza, and he knows it’s disgusting but he wipes the grease off with the sleeve of his jacket. He has to do laundry soon anyway. “Yeah, gonna do my masters. But I still want to play with you guys, no matter where I go to school.” 

Namjoon nudges Seokjin again with his foot. “Good. If you said that you wanted the band to break up then we were going to have to fight you.” Namjoon relaxes and lays down on the grass. “And you know how much I don’t like fighting.” 

“Please,” Hoseok replies. “Namjoon you’d lose a fight against a bee. I’m sure that Seokjin could beat you up no problem.” 

Jungkook laughs, looking between the three of them. “I feel like you guys have this conversation a lot.” 

“We do,” Seokjin confirms. “One time Namjoon tried to punch a bee to get it away from him. It did not work.” 

Namjoon rubs his left fist. “It still hurts when I think about it.” 

“Oh you big baby,” Seokjin replies. “Oh, speaking of breaking up the band .” Seokjin’s voice goes low, secretive and maniacal. “You won’t believe what Yoonji told me.” Seokjin then proceeds to tell them the truth on why Yoonji left the band. Predictably, none of them believe him. Jungkook does believe him, actually, but his faith is quickly squashed down by Hoseok and Namjoon insisting that he’s lying. Their argument is all in jest, though, and the night passes with ease. 

Even though there are a lot of things going on in Seokjin’s life right now, he’s glad he’s found a tiny sliver of time to slow down and enjoy. The showcase is next week, (Next week!) and they’ve prepared all that they can. 

Jungkook lets out a big laugh at something that Hoseok had said and Seokjin thinks Oh hey. After the showcase, he has something else that he needs to do. Might as well start preparing for that as well. 

Seokjin’s confession to Jungkook is going to fucking rock. 

~

The showcase is tomorrow, and Seokjin is nervous. He doesn’t really have a good reason to be nervous. They’ve just finished up their last practice and everything went amazingly well. Their songs are polished and they as a band are a well-oiled machine. They’ve put in the time, the effort, the patience, and they have the talent to go with it as well. There is no reason that they shouldn’t kill it tomorrow night. But Seokjin is still nervous. 

“Okay, group huddle,” Namjoon says before any of them get a chance to pack away their instruments. He ushers them over to where he is standing behind the drumset. “Come, come.” 

Seokjin knows what’s coming. So far, it’s happened before every showcase. But somehow, between his nerves and his own thoughts, Seokjin had forgotten about the Namjoon pep-talk. 

Hoseok leans over into Jungkook’s space. “Jungkook, this is your first Namjoon pep-talk. Get prepared.” 

“Pep talk?” Jungkook asks. 

“Listen,” Namjoon says. “Tomorrow is it our make it or break it night. And we, as The Band, are going to make it. We have the dedication, the talent, and the great music that we need to make it. Tomorrow night, we’re going to rock it.” 

Namjoon talks seriously, like he’s giving a commencement speech at a prestigious college. But Seokjin understands it. This is serious, it’s something that they’ve been working for for a very long time. And this is their last chance at it. 

“We may have encountered some problems,” Namjoon continues. “Some speed bumps along the way that made us take a detour. But we’re here now, as a band. As The Band. And there is no one else that I would rather play with than the people that are around me right now.

“Tomorrow night, we’re going to rock it. And on the off chance that we don’t. Although I highly doubt that. But on the off chance that it doesn’t work out–,” Namjoon takes a moment to look them all in their eyes. Seokjin can feel the air between them start to thicken with tension– “we know that we all tried our best and the showcase is completely overrated anyway.” 

Namjoon laughs and then tension breaks. Again, Seokjin is reminded that the people around him are his friends first and foremost. Then they’re The Band. And although the future is still a bit hazy on what’s happening to The Band after Seokjin graduates, Seokjin knows that these people will always be his friends. And that’s the most important part. To Seokjin, at least. 

Seokjin sticks his hand in the middle of the huddle they made. “For The Band.” 

Namjoon follows. “For The Band.” 

“For The Band,” Hoseok adds. 

Jungkook is smiling as he puts his hand on top of everyone else’s. “For The Band.” 

“Let’s do this,” Seokjin says and there’s nothing more that he can do to prepare himself for tomorrow. They just have to show up, and fucking rock it. Seokjin can do that. 

(And then there’s the other thing. But one thing at a time.) 

~ 

They’re the fifth band to go, which is good because it gives Seokjin some time to camp out at the bar at the back of the theater and cash in his free drink token (All the performers who are over the legal age get one) for a cheap beer. 

The cheap beer tastes more like flavored water than an actual beer, but Seokjin’s not here for the beer. He’s not as nervous as he thought he was going to be. Maybe all the days of worrying beforehand had sucked all of the nerves out of him, leaving him to feel surprisingly peaceful the day of the showcase. 

Namjoon finds himself before the beer is half gone, and Seokjin has no qualms about trashing the rest of it and heading to get ready. There’s nothing fancy to their outfits or their hair or anything like that. Seokjin had put a bit of bb cream on his face when he was getting ready at his apartment, but beyond that, the look that they’re going for is grungy college students. And they don’t have to change anything about their normal style to fit that look. 

The announcer introduces them and Seokjin says, “Let’s go boys!” and then they’re on stage. The lights make it hard to see the crowd, but Seokjin knows that at least half of the student body is here. It’s exhilarating. Seokjin and Jungkook lock eyes and share a small smile. It feels right, it feels good to be on this stage with all of them. 

Namjoon counts them off and then they’re playing. Seokjin doesn’t even have to think about what he’s playing, he just does it. It feels natural to be on this big stage with his friends. It feels natural when he goes up to the mic and sings the melodies. The music seeps deep into Seokjin’s bones and he goes with it. 

It’s over before Seokjin even realizes it, and he’s giddy as he walks off stage. The endorphins rush his brain and he grabs all of his bandmates into a huge hug the moment they’re off stage. “That was fucking amazing,” he breathes, holding them tight. 

Seokjin feels great. The music producers and execs that are here won’t contact any of the bands until tomorrow morning at the earliest, and Seokjin knows that the performance that they just pulled off was the best thing that was going to come out of them. So if they don’t get a call back, fuck that shit. 

But Seokjin doesn’t really need to worry about that right now. They need to celebrate how amazingly they did. Seokjin’s happy with them, more than happy. He’s ecstatic and he’s practically bursting out of his seams with his emotions. 

The rest of the showcase passes by in a blur. There are some really, really good bands out there– namely Chaeyoung’s band who absolutely kills the entire audience with her one rap part– and then the showcase is over and they’re all walking over to the after party. It’s weird how something that Seokjin was looking forward to for so long is over in a blink of an eye. But that’s life for you. 

They’re halfway to the house when Hoseok stops walking. “So we killed it,” he starts. “Like absolutely. There’s no way that that wasn’t our best performance ever.” 

Namjoon laughs. “That was pretty fucking amazing. I’m pretty sure we established that.” 

Hoseok punches Namjoon in the arm. “Anyway, I’m not really feeling a party right now. So I’m going to dip. Have a good time, though.” 

Seokjin pouts. A party without Hoseok isn’t a party that Seokjin really wants to go to. “Come on, not even for a moment?” 

Hoseok yawns. “Dude, I would just pass out on the couch that everyone puts their jackets on. I’m not looking to get smothered by someone’s Canada Goose jacket.” 

Seokjin can see the scene in his head. Hoseok, snoring, while more and more jackets get put on top of him until you can’t even see that there’s a body underneath all of that fabric. Pair that with the fact that it’s going to be hot and humid in the party space, that doesn’t sound like a good time. Seokjin will let Hoseok pass, this time. 

“I’ll walk you home,” Namjoon says. He rolls his shoulders back. “Not going to lie, not really feeling the party either. I think I just need to sleep.” 

“You guys are so lame, ” Seokjin says, but his words are in jest. It’s not like he’s about to force his friends to go to a party that they don’t want to go to. The whole fun of being at a party is being with other people who also want to be at the party. “Text me when you guys get home, okay?” 

Hoseok and Namjoon laugh and nod. They both give Jungkook and Seokjin a hug before waving goodbye and walking in the direction of their apartment. When they’re out of earshot, Seokjin huffs. “So, party?” 

Jungkook doesn’t look at him. Instead he tilts his head and laughs. Seokjin already knows that he doesn’t want to go to the party before he even says it. “About that…” 

Seokjin holds his hand up to his heart, pretending as if it aches. “Everyone betrays me. Even the ones closest to me. Is there anyone that I can trust anymore?” 

Jungkook shoves him. “Stop being dramatic. I still want to hang out with you. But like, being drunk at an afterparty is not really my mood right now.” 

Seokjin doesn’t understand. He wants nothing more than to take a few shots and let loose and dance with the nearest body, but he also doesn’t want to do that alone. “Well, I’m glad you're not sick of me yet.” 

“Please,” Jungkook scoffs. “Who would get sick of you?” 

“My ex-girlfriend.” 

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “Aren’t you guys, like, still best friends?” 

“That we are.” 

“So I’m pretty sure she’s not sick of you.” 

Seokjin nods. “You’re right. She’s just a lesbian now.” He leans over and grabs Jungkook’s hand. “Come, let’s walk.” 

“Where are we walking to?” Jungkook asks, but he lets himself be dragged. His hands are softer, way softer than Seokjin was expecting them to be. Sure, Jungkook’s hands are calloused in the way that every guitarist's hands are calloused, but they’re still soft and warm. Seokjin takes a chance and interlaces their fingers. He feels like he’s in high school again, feeling a rush just from holding another person’s hand.

“Just the grass.” 

It’s a cloudless night out, the moon nothing just a thin sliver in the sky. The air is cold, but not biting. It’s just enough that Seokjin can lean into Jungkook’s side and claim that it’s for warmth. It’s kind of perfect, really. He’s going to confess. Not right this moment, but sometime tonight. 

Maybe not going to the party was a good idea. A confession when he’s drunk and sweaty and leaning into Jungkook’s space not out of intimacy but just to be heard doesn’t sound as nice as confessing under the stars, leaning into each other’s sides because it is what is comfortable. 

Seokjin sits them down in a patch of grass. It’s wet, and Jungkook makes a noise of surprise when he sits down next to Seokjin. They’re still holding hands, and Seokjin uses this to his advantage as he leans down and pulls Jungkook down next to him. 

“Woah,” Jungkook says after a moment. “You can really see all the stars here. I never even noticed.” 

Seokjin hadn’t noticed how nice the stars were until his sophomore year, when he was wrapped up in school stress and loneliness. And then he’s never stopped noticing. The stars are just as beautiful as they are comforting. “Right? It makes sense though, there’s not really any light pollution over here.” 

“We should wish on a shooting star,” Jungkook says. “Just for, like, good luck. I don’t think we need it, but I think we should wish on a shooting star anyway.” 

Seokjin laughs. “You know wishing only works when you don’t tell anybody else your wish.” 

“I didn’t tell you my wish,” Jungkook counters. “Just because you know my wish doesn’t mean I told you it.” He squeezes Seokjin’s hand and Seokjin squeezes back. 

“Fair enough. I didn’t think about it like that.” 

“Shush,” Jungkook orders. “Look for a shooting star.” 

Seokjin shakes his head but directs his gaze to the sky. He’s never actually looked for a shooting star. He didn’t really know people actually did that; he figured it was something that people do in romcoms or coming of age movies. But here he is, looking for a shooting star and waiting for the right time to confess. 

And the right time to confess is definitely not now. Seokjin doesn’t know what the right time to confess will actually look like, but it’s not now. 

“You know I really think this is going to be our big break,” Seokjin says, eyes still trained on the sky. “Like, I don’t want to jinx it but if we don’t get an offer tomorrow morning I’m going to be very surprised. Maybe a little heartbroken, but still very surprised. We kicked ass.” 

“Taehyung and Jimin did say that we were the best band there,” Jungkook replies. “But I don’t know how much their opinion actually means. I’m pretty sure they would have said that even if we sucked.” 

“Good friends.” Yoonji had actually texted him a string of emojis, complete with a Wow you fucking rocked it at the end of it. And Yoonji isn’t one to complement just for the sake of compliments. 

“You know I’m really glad I’m part of this band,” Jungkook continues after a minute of them stargazing. Still no shooting star, but oddly enough Seokjin isn’t getting bored of it yet. He could probably spend his entire night watching the stars and not get tired of it. “I never really thought I would be in a band, but here I am.” 

“We’re all glad you're in the band with us,” Seokjin says. He squeezes Jungkook’s hand. “ I’m glad that you’re in the band with us.” 

Jungkook tilts his head to face Seokjin. Seokjin does the same, and their faces are only inches apart and Seokjin wants so badly to cover the distance and kiss him. But it’s not the right time. Not now. But soon. 

“I really like,” Jungkook starts. He swallows and his eyes go wide. “Being in the band. It means a lot to me.” 

“Me too,” Seokjin says. He watches Jungkook’s face, watches as Jungkook stares at him. Seokjin can feel his own heartbeat pulsing in his ears. He can feel his breaths coming in, slow and steady. He can feel Jungkook’s eyes on him. It’s still not the right moment, but Seokjin decides to fuck it . There’s never going to be a ‘right’ moment. There is just going to be the moment that Seokjin finally decides to do something about, which is exactly what he does. 

Seokjin leans closer to Jungkook, slowly. Jungkook leans back, closing his eyes and kissing Seokjin. Jungkook’s lips are chapped, but the kiss is soft and lovely and it makes Seokjin want to squeeze Jungkook close to him and never let him go. 

“I really like you,” Seokjin says, lips still pressed up against Jungkook’s. “Like really, really like you.” 

Jungkook kisses him again. “I really like you too. I was wondering if you were ever going to kiss me.” 

“I'll kiss you whenever you want me to,” Seokjin replies and he does just that. 

Seokjin doesn’t know how long they kiss for, but eventually he does recognize that there are better places to kiss then a public area in the early hours of the morning. That doesn’t stop Seokjin, though. No, not at all. Even when he’s straddling Jungkook, pressing hot kisses into the side of his neck and watching him moan and writhe against the grass, it doesn’t stop him at all. 

What does stop him, though, is Jungkook grabbing his chin, pulling him in for another kiss and then going, “What’s closer, yours or mine?” 

Seokjin smiles. “Mine.” 

“Let’s go.” Jungkook pushes Seokjin off of him, hurriedly getting up. Seokjin whines about being harshly ejected from a very comfortable position but they both laugh about it and Jungkook helps him up. They make their way to Seokjin’s place practically glued together by the hip. 

Seokjin feels good. He feels happy. For once, things are finally sliding into place. 

They don’t end up wishing on a star, but like Jungkook had said before, they don’t really need to. They’ll be fine without the extra luck. 

~ 

Seokjin needs at least three alarms to wake himself up. He needs one that he can turn off and then immediately fall back asleep. He needs a second to make him somewhat wake up and rub the sleep from his eyes. And he needs the third to fully drag himself out of bed and make him be a productive member of society. 

And Seokjin is pretty sure that he didn’t turn on any alarm last night, (Why would he. He was a bit busy with handfuls and mouthfuls of a very eager Jungkook) so he’s really confused why his alarm is going off right now. 

He fumbles for his phone, not even bothering to fully open his eyes. He doesn’t know the time, but his body is telling him that it is much too early for him to be up and functioning. His phone isn’t even on his bedside table and the alarm stops so he decides to roll back over, cuddle up next to Jungkook, and fall back asleep. 

That plan doesn’t work out very well, because his phone goes off again and this time Seokjin is determined to find it, turn it off, and then return to sleeping. He has to get out of bed to find his phone, which is somehow underneath the bed. 

It’s not an alarm, it’s a phone call. From Namjoon. Seokjin answers it with a bleary, “What do you even want.”

“I can’t believe you’re still asleep. Actually, I totally believe that. Anyway, read my text messages.” 

Seokjin sighs and reads the text messages. He has over 100 of them and they’re all just Namjoon and Hoseok screaming via text message because holy shit.  

“We got how many people to call us about a deal?” Seokjin says. He’s fully awake now, and he leans over to poke Jungkook awake. “Holy shit.” 

“ Three!” Namjoon responds. “Three people. They said they want to discuss contracts next week.” 

“Wait wait wait I’m putting you on speaker phone,” Seokjin says as Jungkook wakes up. If it were any other time, Seokjin would soak in the image of a sleepy Jungkook with cute bedhead and a kissable face. But Seokjin is bouncing in excitement, all of his focus on Namjoon’s voice. 

“Speaker phone?” 

“Hi, Namjoon,” Jungkook croaks. “What’s going on?” 

“We’re getting signed, like next week,” Namjoon repeats. If he’s surprised by Jungkook and Seokjin being together, he doesn’t say it. Small blessings. “You two should come over. We’re going to have contracts to look at. We have to celebrate.” 

Seokjin bounces up and down on the bed like a small child given way too much sugar for their body to handle. Holy shit, this is really happening. It’s not a dream. They’re going to be signed to a label. “We’ll be there in an hour.” 

They hang up and Seokjin throws his phone to the ground (Okay so maybe that’s how his phone ended up underneath his bed last night. He’s glad that he has a nice carpet there to cushion the fall.). He jumps onto Jungkook, who lets out an Oof of air but wraps his arms around Seokjin anyway. 

Seokjin can see it, the future. He can see himself being in a successful band with his friends, putting out albums and touring the country (maybe the world!). His parents are probably not going to be happy with him pursuing music, and he might still go to grad school until his band truly kicks off. But that’s okay. He can do that. 

And he can see himself falling in love with Jungkook, waking up with him everyday and being happy with the future. For the first time in who knows how long, Seokjin is looking forward to what the future has to bring him. 

~ 

It’s well into the afternoon before Seokjin and Jungkook leave Seokjin’s apartment. Namjoon really couldn’t have expected them to show up exactly in an hour, could he? They’re not that late either, but they had other things to finish up. Mainly, celebrating with sloppy makeouts and quick handjobs. 

“So are you ever going to learn how to skate?” Jungkook asks as they pass by the plaza. There aren’t any skaters around, but there is a decent flow of students coming from all directions. “Or did you just want to hang out with me?” 

Seokjin laughs. “I’m content with never skating in my life.” 

Jungkook rolls his eyes and leans into Seokjin’s space. Seokjin feels at ease with Jungkook by his side. It’s a type of calmness that is all-consuming, forcing him to be at ease with himself and his thoughts. 

“What, you’re very cute. And a great singer,” Seokjin defends. “I had to convince you to hang out with me someway.” 

“Well, it worked,” Jungkook replies. “But one day we’re going to teach you how to skateboard. Okay?” 

Seokjin knows that he’s never going to win this argument. “Can I at least wear, like, a helmet? Some knee pads?” 

Jungkook nods. “Whatever you want, Seokjin.” 

“Great.” Seokjin beams. Skating still sounds like a terrible idea. But skating with Jungkook and a bunch of protective gear doesn’t sound all that bad. He looks at his phone and realizes the time. Crap, yeah, this is later than Seokjin had thought it was. It’s too late for even Seokjin’s tardiness. He starts jogging, pulling Jungkook along. 

“Come on,” he says. “We have business to do.” 

Jungkook laughs as they jog all the way to Namjoon and Hoseok’s place to talk about The Band, the contracts that were offered, and what they’re going to do about them. This might not be the vision for his band that Seokjin had when he had first started out, but he’s not complaining. No, Seokjin is incredibly glad with how this all worked out. 

He has The Band, his friends, and things are looking up.