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I.
Mina stared at the ceiling, her contemplative gaze lost in a stupor as she battled her own desire to be selfish and selfless. Her intuition told her that something wasn’t quite right, that something was amiss – and somehow it felt like they had been given a brief moment of happiness because something was boiling on its way to them.
“Ugh, this is stupid,” she murmured, turning and burrowing her face on the pillow. She had been tossing over and over in her bed for quite a while now, her own thoughts sending her in disarray as it wandered on what was to come. There were many things at stake here, as well as lives, and yet she couldn’t help but shake the feeling that there was more to lose than to gain.
‘I really should just get some sleep,’ she thought.
She had been trying for a while now, lounging in the comfort of her bed since an hour ago. Everything was quiet, save for the sound of her own breathing – and their home, silent.
No matter how many times she told herself to let her feeling go, her intuition told her otherwise, which only made her annoying restlessness worse. It felt like the shadow of death loomed before her, enriching her with a heavy feeling of unease that shrouded her thoughts, its cold breath was near her ear as it whispered unnerving doubts and qualms.
She sighed, surrendering to the fact that she wouldn’t be able to rest at all, especially with all the worry that ate her. “I need to get up.”
With quiet but determined steps, Mina wandered aimlessly around the house, inhaling the cool fruity air that surrounded its thick midst.
She found herself walking towards Jeongyeon’s office, as the latter was preoccupied with reports. There was great insecurity that welled inside her when she thought about what they could be facing from here onward. She really wanted to tell her wife of her qualms, but all Mina could do was mask her own fears, she couldn't help but drown herself in nightmarish imaginings of what could happen as strong nausea swelled in her stomach. There were many unfathomable mages that had crossed her mind during these vulnerable moments. But she would never back out of her decision.
“Mina?”
Her body tensed as she whirled around, eyes widening when she realized Jeongyeon was staring right at her, confused and somewhat worried. She watched her stare at the distance, her heart clenching at the sight of her worried face. Her wife always knew when she tried to put on a façade. No one but her saw how Mina’s eyes shone with doubts and anxiety as she tried her best to smile. She was always trying.
“Ack, don’t surprise me like that,” she huffed, stepping back when she saw Jeongyeon standing in front of her. She tried to calm down her own racing heart at the sight of her wife – concerned and confused, but she smiled warmly, taking Mina’s hand into hers.
“You looked so worried,” she stated as she examined her strained expression, leading her to sit on the spare bed. “Would you tell me what’s bothering you?”
She sat with her, hugging her feet as she leaned on the wall. Her head rested on her knees, mulling over her question. She hated the feeling when she felt like there was a distance separating both of them. She hated it because she created it all, hated that she didn’t want to burden her, and yet still continued to do so. She debated whether to talk to her or not about it – but in the end, the silence became too much for her. Steeling herself, she muttered the first thought that crossed her mind.
“I’m just worried,” she mumbled. She hated that she sounded so selfish, and yet she couldn’t even say anything but her own honest thoughts. It was embarrassing but also Jeongyeon knew anyway. She always knew the why.
Jeongyeon’s eyes widened at her candid answer, but nonetheless smiled as she stared at the floor. “I know. I worry about you too. A lot actually.”
At her response, she finally lifted her head to look at Jeongyeon’s melancholic face. She waited for her to speak further, but all she did was beam at her as she took her hand to squeeze it in reassurance. “But I know you already made your decision, so I can only hope that it will go well.”
Mina didn’t know if she was speaking to her or trying to reassure herself, yet it warmed her heart to know that she trusted her. She looked at her eyes inquiringly, seeing nothing but the tenderness of the truth in her chocolate orbs. Jeongyeon was the kind of person who always worried, but she was also the kind who trusted her when she made her decisions even if she didn’t like it. Mina realized that she couldn’t seem to make things right when it came to her, yet she would always try anyway. It was unnerving, and yet she knew that this bubble they built together – the small, hopeful light they clung into was enough to reassure her that Jeongyeon had found it in her heart to come to terms with it.
She reached out to her and kissed her forehead gently, holding Jeongyeon firmly to her body. Warmth, that’s what she wanted to give her, as she realized how cold she was against her arms. She sighed slightly, nuzzling her tired face into her shoulder with her breathing slow and steady.
Warmth was an innocent word she uttered bashfully under her breath, yet it conveyed so much with just the feel of her body against hers. It gave Mina a trail to her thoughts, to her feelings, as her embrace which accompanied the words gestured her unyielding love for her wife.
II.
Jeongyeon was sitting at the edge of the bed, fingers flipping through pages as her tired eyes focused on the words – each letter, each meaning. It was with a determination that she did this every day for the last few weeks, she even looked forward to it.
It would be her first gift.
She turned his head to check on her sleeping wife, removing a lock of hair that was plastered on her peaceful face. A small smile erupted on her lips as the sight of her nuzzling into her hand.
She had a feeling that this child would be a girl, she didn’t know why. Call it mother’s intuition, call it her being excited at the notion of having a child. Still, she only felt one thing about it – love.
The road ahead would never be easy, hell it might even be dangerous. But she had faith it would become better.
Mina looked so serene in her sleep, Jeongyeon observed, and still so beautiful.
Sometimes, she wondered if she even deserved this. It was a short time, but she had never felt happier, never felt more alive than she did now. It felt like life had given her so much to look forward to and now – she desperately wanted to meet someone.
She wanted to give something meaningful, something that symbolized all of her hope and wishes in a word. Then again, what did they wish for? What did they want?
It was the first time she felt this giddy feeling, the first time she looked forward to a future like this. She could imagine a child that looked like a miniature version of them, a child whom they would raise together – their own son or daughter.
It was the first time she wanted something so bad that she felt like her heart would burst. She couldn’t help but imagine how the child would look like – would the baby have Mina’s nose? Would he/she have her Mama’s smile or her eyes? Would her child be kind and strong like her Mama? Her heart skipped a beat at the thought of a child that would be a mix of them – a symbol of their love, of their hope. And it suddenly occurred to her how easy it was to imagine this gift, how easy it was for the butterflies in her stomach to pool at the thought of meeting her own child.
As she scanned through the pages, a small word caught her attention and she smiled. She felt like he had never really given someone something worthy before, but she hoped that this would be the first of many.
::::
She was tired, so very tired.
A piercing cry broke through the fog that surrounded her. Blearily, she opened her eyes, wanting so badly to see the child’s face. Her child.
“A girl,” a voice announced, holding up a small, crying baby wrapped in a bundle of blankets. The vision felt like a blur to her, and yet she could faintly see the familiar silhouette. She turned to look at her as she held the child in her arms, while her face showed only an air of tranquility as she beamed brightly.
Mina let a single tear slip down her cheeks at the sight. It felt like a dream, an illusion, and yet there was only light shining in her heart. Her vision swam as the figure carefully placed the baby into her open arms. Her daughter calmed down and stirred – her small, pudgy hands reaching out to her as she pinched the air.
She was so beautiful.
Her baby was flushed with a vibrant pink color and had the softest tuft of black hair that Mina ever touched. She felt like she had never seen someone as perfect and as beautiful in her life until she saw her child. Joyful tears stream down her cheeks, her eyes locked onto her face as she drowned in her every feature. She stroked her cheek softly and she let out a small smile, gripping her finger. She couldn’t help but sob, holding her closer to her, feeling her warmth and the beat of her heart.
“She's adorable.” Jeongyeon squealed and Mina smiled as she looked up to her. “She looks just like you.”
“Just like us,” Mina whispered softly as their daughter grabbed onto Jeongyeon’s finger once and squeezed tightly. She had the most exquisite, delicate features and she filled their heart with so much love, with so much hope.
Slowly, Jeongyeon began thinking of the future again, a future full of hope, a warm future filled with the sun. She hoped her wife also felt this newfound hope and faith that bubbled up inside her. For a moment, it felt that perhaps happiness wouldn't be an impossible achievement, not with their daughter resting peacefully in Mina’s arms.
Hope, it was their gift to the world.
III.
"Please," she muttered, heaving heavily as she clung on the edges of the bathroom's walls.
Life had been cruel, yet it still gifted her with an unexpected surprise. It had been twisted, but it finally gave her something more to fight for - more to live for.
If there was a God who existed, she just wanted this one wish.
Her one desire, her one miracle. "Please pass through me," she breathed, heart heavy and breathing ragged. Mina clenched her teeth hard, grinding the edges as she closed her eyes - no one would stop her, not even a god.
She would do whatever it took just to see her child bloom. "Please, live."
::::
She snapped out of her thoughts as she realized that Ryujin had dozed off from her shoulder, head lolling sideward as she tried her best to stay awake. The child was sitting on her lap while she read her daughter's favorite storybook.
Mina smiled, her heart relieved as she remembered that the nostalgia was just a thing of the past.
Ryujin's head almost fell off and she caught it with her hand, adjusting the sleeping child's position and taking her in her arms. It felt like yesterday when she feared they weren't both gonna make it – the pregnancy was complicated and sensitive, and both of them were worried if it could endanger her life.
She traced her child's face - from her long lashes to her pink cheeks, and her stomach was suddenly laden with butterflies as she brushed her locks and tucked them under her ear. Her daughter - one she fought tooth and nail for - it still felt surreal that she was here, that she could hold her like this, kiss her and cuddle her.
It felt like a dream to be able to see her for the first time, to watch her first smile and see her grow - her heart felt full remembering how Jeongyeon assisted her when she walked her first steps and she toddled to her arms, Ryujin giggled, eyes wide and bright. Being a mother was a new experience, but it brought her much joy and gave her a new meaning.
It felt like yesterday when she was so desperate to survive just to see her - how her mind was reeling from the adrenaline as she decided she would go through the pregnancy even with the possible complications and arduous process. It felt too long ago when she apologized constantly to her child, that she might not be able to experience living in this world who had been nothing but cruel to them.
Briefly, she sighed. The world continued to change now.
She had poured all her soul just to see this sight of Ryujin - sleeping soundly in her arms, probably lost in a world of dreams that she created. Mina leaned in and gave her a quick peck on her forehead, and child's brows wrinkled briefly before she gave a small smile that made her mother's heart melt.
She would watch this every day of her life, would love drinking on the sight of her child as she grew and became the woman she wanted to be.
"You were all I wanted to see, and more," she muttered lovingly, stroking Ryujin's locks.
She was her greatest treasure, the owner of her soul. Their miracle.
With a sigh, she stood up, careful not to wake her sleeping daughter that was in her arms, one hand on the back of her head to support it as her daughter slept soundly on her shoulders.
A warm, contented smile graced her lips as she swayed back and forth - remembering the times when Ryujin was smaller. She used to fall asleep like this - in her Mommy and Mama’s arms; at times she would even throw tantrums until Mina held her.
“She’s growing up way too fast,” a voice whispered. Mina looked at the direction of the sound and saw her wife silently close the door. Jeongyeon walked towards them and gave her a quick peck on the lips as she ruffled Ryujin’s hair.
“I want time to slow down so she can stay like this for a little bit more,” she murmured.
“I know,” Jeongyeon nodded, her eyes never leaving Mina as they put their daughter to bed. Jeongyeon tucked her in and put her plush bunny beside her. Together, they both watched their child sleeping contently. “It felt like yesterday when she was just a baby.”
“And now she is a rambunctious brat,” Mina added, chuckling as she nudged Jeongyeon’s ribs. The latter grinned and put one hand on Mina’s waist as she held her wife closer, with her leaning her head to Jeongyeon's shoulder.
“Just like her Mama,“ she agreed, kissing the crown of her head.
They would always do this - watch and observe her as her eyes closed. Her serene face would often smile, sometimes she would even mutter unintelligent words in her sleep that made them chuckle. Sometimes, it was Jeongyeon who would take her time watching her as she dreamt, on others, it was Mina. It felt so amazing to do so, as both of them learned how to love someone they haven’t even met, love her at first sight, and love her endlessly.
Their souls belong to their small miracle.
“Yes.” Mina’s eyes were lost deep within her mind, remembering how she used to be as a child. “Just like her Mama.”
Whatever happened going forward, she knew she would be there this time and watch over her.
The world continued to change now - and with these changes brought was a new beginning and a new chance. And along with this came their gift to the said world.