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Tatsumi smiled at Kaname as he walked into the room, that awkward half smile people always give to those visiting them in hospital. He hadn't been awake long, the anaesthesia still wearing off, and he didn't even have the energy to be embarrassed as he leaned over and threw up once again. This was always the worst part of having surgery, his body's reaction to being put under was unpleasant to say the least.
Kaname pressed a hand to his forehead upon reaching the bed, sighing at the heat he felt and leaving promptly. He returned a moment later with a wet cloth, which he pressed to Tatsumi's forehead.
"How are you feeling?"
"He speaks!"
"Tatsumi."
"Kaname."
"Please..." Tatsumi let out a sigh.
"I'm doing alright."
"You have a fever."
"My body doesn't like anaesthesia. You worry too much." HiMERU's eyes softened, and he dropped his hand from Tatsumi's head, placing the cloth on the table next to his bed.
"I'm sorry... I just- this is my fault. The least I can do is ta-"
"Stop that." HiMERU raised an eyebrow. "Stop blaming yourself. I, of all people, should be aware of what they're capable of. I was equally careless. I won't allow you to beat yourself up over this." A pause. A nod. A sigh as HiMERU sat down beside Tatsumi's bed.
"I'll try."
"That's all I can ask."
He tried. Really, he did. But... Well, Tatsumi was always the only thing keeping him from falling apart when things went wrong, and he wasn't exactly available right now. God, he'd been so stupid. So, so foolish not to think that they would find out. Tatsumi could insist that he was the one who should have known all he wanted, but at the end of the day, Kaname was the one who worked for them. It was his responsibility and because of his shortcomings, it wasn't likely that Tatsumi would ever walk again.
He could vividly remember the moment the doctor had told them that, the way Tatsumi desperately tried to hold it together, always needing to be the strong one no matter what. The broken sob he'd let out when he finally hit his limit. Kaname had nearly cried too. All that pain, not to mention the loss of his dream.... that was on his head. He'd never wanted to see Tatsumi hurt, and now he was in the hospital because of him. Could he ever forgive himself?
Tatsumi had only seen him cry once before, when his brothers situation had built up on him too much and he simply couldn't hold it back. It had tore at his heart then, just as it did now. He knew he couldn't stop Kaname from blaming himself, although he so desperately wished he could. It wasn't his fault. Cosmic Production had used underhanded methods to control 'problematic idols' before (something Tatsumi had already experienced firsthand. His 'accident' may not have been so accidental,) and things had apparently not changed, no matter how hard Saegusa worked to change them.
He wondered, as Kaname apologised yet again for the injury he'd been dealt, whether it would work. Whether Kaname would react the way they wanted to, behave and do as he was told (and keep their relationship firmly under wraps) or act out more. There wasn't much more they could do to harm him, after all, not while he was in the hospital. As it stood, Kaname already knew he was too valuable to Cospro to lose, and Saegusa had confirmed that again only a few days after the incident. Perhaps they'd shown their hand too early. Tatsumi knew his partner was nothing if not stubborn, after all.
His hand carded through blue hair in an attempt to comfort. Words of affirmation would often fall on deaf ears when said to Kaname, who responded much better to physical affection. In the seven months they'd been together, he'd learned a lot he knew nobody else did, and he'd always been content to keep such secrets for Kaname's sake. He'd do almost anything for him, in fact. Almost beyond reason. The way he loved Kaname was stronger than anything he'd ever felt before. He often felt as if everything else he'd ever felt was meaningless- as if the only thing he truly needed was him. Tatsumi knew that he felt much the same, even if he voiced it very scarcely. He hardly needed to say it, he showed it plenty when he could. Tatsumi would always be grateful that Kaname loved him so much. He hardly felt he deserved it.
He hadn't meant to play up as much as he did. Perhaps anger had gotten the better of him, or perhaps he simply didn't care anymore, but either way... Well, Ibara had had to haul him over the hot coals for his behaviour already, and he'd just been summoned by him yet again. Big deal, he thought, they can't hurt me more than they already have. Kaname has never been more wrong.
It was 3am when the phone rang, a number he didn't recognise no matter how much he stared at it, but given the time it had to be important, right? His finger hovered over the decline button for a moment before he gave in and answered. 10 seconds later his phone was on the ground, still connected to the call, and he was out the door. He didn't even put shoes on, didn't consider that running to the hospital in his pyjamas at 3am mid November wasnt his smartest idea.
"You need to come to the hospital right away." They'd said."Kazeha-" And that was where he'd stopped listening. He didn't know what to expect as he ran into the ward, almost knocking a nurse over as the sister on duty grabbed him.
"Tojou-san... Please don't rush. Perhaps we should talk before y-"
"What happened?"
"Kazehaya-san took... a turn for the worse in the night. It would seem the doctor missed something on his initial scan."
"Missed what?" He felt his lungs closing up. What the hell did that mean???
"You might want to sit down." The nurse led Kaname to a seat. She looked so apologetic. Why did she look so apologetic? "We're not sure at the moment what was missed but... Well, it's the only explanation."
"Please just tell me what's wrong with him."
"His organs are shutting down." Kaname felt like he was going to throw up.
"Excuse me?"
"I'm so, so sorry. We don't think he has much time left and... he has a DNR order, Would you like to go in now or do you need a mi-" He didn't hear the rest of her sentence, rushing into Tatsumi's room like a bolt. He wasn't awake. Of course he wasn't awake. Who the hell could remain conscious while their organs shut down? Had it not been for his ragged breaths, he'd have looked peaceful. Kaname wondered if he was in pain. It had to hurt, right? He was No, he couldnt think that. Not yet. Oh how he wished the heart monitor would shut the hell up. Oh how he wished he didn't know how to read a heart monitor, didn't know how to tell that Tatsumi's blood oxygen level was creeping dangerously low.
"Don't even think about dying on me." Of course he'd say something like that at a time like this. Didnt he have anything better to say? "...I don't know if you can hear me. If you can I- I know didn't say it a great deal but I love you. I know it's a little late, but I wanted to make sure you knew. I couldn't lose you without saying that one last time."
The dam finally broke, loud sobs echoing throughout the room as he took Tatsumi's hand tightly in his. It was only a few moments later when the beeping of the heart monitor became a continous note.
Tatsumi's post-mortem revealed that he'd been injected with the wrong drug a few hours before his death, and the hospital was put under investigation. The incident because a scandal, and Kaname was tired of it. He knew the truth. The hospital had nothing to do with his partners death, nor with the CCTV camera outside his room failing for 10 minutes around the time of the injection. He should have known they'd be capable of this, that this ran deeper than a need to keep him in line. This had been punishment, not discipline. They wanted him to suffer. And suffer he did. He didn't think he would ever stop. Not unless something- or someone- put a stop to him, first.