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All Thalia wanted to do was sit on her couch and have one too many beers while watching some horrible horror movies and eating takeout. But of course, her friends were having non of that, and she hated them for it.
"It's halloween, Thals," Annabeth had exclaimed from the bathroom, the door wide open as she leaned over the sink to get a closer look in the mirror as she applied some eyeliner. "You don't wanna sit around this apartment and sulk on halloween."
That was exactly what Thalia wanted to do. It was the perfect plan. It was a safe plan. Nothing could go wrong with that plan.
"Besides, it's Jason's party. He'd be pretty pissed if you didn't show up," Percy added as he walked into the living room from Annabeth's bedroom, dressed in his pirate outfit, eyepatch and all.
Thalia groaned, stuffing her face in the pillow nearest to her. He was right, of course. She couldn't disappoint her younger brother, not when he had always been her greatest support system.
Annabeth stepped out while she ran her fingers through her blonde hair, letting it cascade down her shoulders. She was dressed like a very pretty siren, matching Percy's theme. She would definitely be the kind to lure men and destroy them. Thalia would have laughed at the thought if it weren't for her mood.
"Look, you can show up for just an hour or so, and if you're not having fun, then you can do whatever you want," Annabeth told her as she pushed some floppy earrings in place.
"I know I'm not gonna have fun," Thalia grumbled. If there was one thing she hated more than parties with horrible music blasting, it was dress-up parties. Horny and drunk people everywhere in slutty costumes... it was horrible.
"There's probably going to be some really hot girls around," Percy pointed out, raising an eyebrow and grinning in Thalia's direction.
"How would you know that?" She smirked at him as he looked sheepishly at his girlfriend, rubbing the back of his neck.
"I don't— it's just— it's a party. There's always— never mind!"
Thalia sniggered as Annabeth rolled her eyes, though she had the hint of an amused smile on. Of course she wasn't worried about anything, if there was one thing about Percy that Thalia truly respected, it was his loyalty.
"He's got a point though," Annabeth sighed, putting on the other earring. "The place is probably going to be packed with women looking to get drunk and laid."
Thalia finally let out a heavy sigh, burying her face in her hands. "Okay! Fine, I'll come. But I'm not wearing a ridiculous costume."
"Your usual outfits are ridiculous costumes on their own," Percy commented and Thalia didn't even give him time to wipe his smug smirk off before she hurled the pillow resting in her lap in his direction, hitting him straight in the face.
"Yeah, you deserved that," Annabeth laughed, walking over to the coat rack to grab her jacket.
With defeated sigh, Thalia got up to her feet and walked over to the front door, slipping into her worn out vans. She really hadn't been in the mood to lace up her boots these past few weeks. She grabbed her leather jacket from the rack and shrugged it on over the plain black, v-neck sweater she was already wearing.
"Let's go," she muttered, opening the door and walking over to the elevator to call it up.
Annabeth locked the door behind them and her and Percy followed Thalia into the lift as the doors opened. They all filed into Thalia's car (she insisted on driving, in case she wanted to leave early), and she started driving down the familiar road to her childhood home which happened to be the giant mansion from her nightmares. Unfortunately, it was the only place big enough to hold a party like the one Jason was throwing.
She could hear the horrible, ear-piercing music all the way down the street as the car rolled up the hill. They reached the mansion only seconds later, the music growing incredibly louder. Thalia was already regretting her decision to come.
There were cars parked all along the driveway but Thalia knew the code to the house's garage. Sometimes, she didn't mind the privilege. She parked her old jeep next to her dad's vintage corvette and closed the garage door after her.
The three of them made their way through the backdoor to the house and ended up in the kitchen. The counter was littered with empty plastic cups and various plates of food. There were some kids milling around, a few of them mixing drinks and one particular couple exchanging saliva really hard.
Man, she hated heteroes.
With a small cringe, she pushed her way past the party guests and into the hall.
"I'm gonna go raid dad's expensive alcohol collection," she yelled into Annabeth's ear so she could hear her over the loud music. Annabeth nodded in response, grabbing Percy's hand and dragging him elsewhere.
Bracing herself, Thalia made her way through the crowds of horny, barely legal, dumb assess and found herself in the den where her father kept all the real liquor. She had learned while growing up just how to sneak some drinks without leaving a trace. Though, she was pretty sure her father always had suspicions. Thankfully, he never acted on them.
She found a bottle of whiskey that was already open and pulled off the cap, the strong smell of the liqueur filling her senses. She opened the tiny freezer, pulling out the ice tray and emptied a few squares into a tumbler before pouring in the drink. She placed everything back in its place exactly as she had found it before grabbing the glass and making her way back upstairs.
Thalia found her way outside where a few kids were already sitting in a circle on the grass, passing around a blunt. She rolled her eyes as she leaned her back against one of the pillars and pulled out a packet of cigarettes from her pocket. She was glad she had been bored enough to roll her entire stash a few days ago and saved herself the trouble to do so today.
Thalia pulled one out with just her mouth and held it the cigarette butt between her lips as she shoved the pack in her pocket again and pulled out a zippo lighter instead and within just a few seconds, she was inhaling the first puff of smoke.
She stood there for a few minutes, watching strangers getting stoned as she smoked her cigarette and took the occasional sip from her drink, the music blasting loudly from the house. It was some really shitty pop song playing and Thalia wanted to rip her ears out.
The large glass doors slid open and Thalia glanced back to see who it was, only she found her brother walking hand in hand with his girlfriend Piper, a very drunk grin on both of their faces.
"Thalia! You made it!" Jason exclaimed excitedly, dressed in nothing but a white bed sheet, wrapped around him like a Roman toga. She really hoped he had underwear on as he walked over to her and crushed her in a tight hug.
Thalia felt the air escape her lungs. She let out an awkward laugh, patting Jason on the back with her fist, careful not to burn him with her lit cigarette. "Kinda suffocating me, buddy," she managed to breathe out.
"Oops, sorry!" Jason laughed, pulling back sheepishly.
"You're good," she chuckled, taking another puff from her cig. "Hey, Pipes," she waved at the younger girl who was standing there awkwardly, watching the two siblings interact.
"Hi!" Piper responded enthusiastically, her voice beautifully melodic even when she was just uttering a single word.
"Leo's setting up a game of beer pong, and I need you on my team!" Jason explained, his big blue eyes pleading with her.
"I'm not really in the mood, Jase, I'm sorry," Thalia apologised, feeling a little guilty as she saw the disappointment on his face.
"Please, Thal? I'll let you dress me up in edgy outfits..."
Thalia raised an eyebrow in thought. "Smudgy eyeliner?"
"Even temporary hair dye!"
Piper crinkled her nose. "That's gonna look very weird."
She might have been right, but Thalia had always wanted to see what Jason would look like if he didn't always wear such preppy clothes. She grinned, slowly nodding in agreement.
"Okay... I guess beer pong won't hurt anyone..." she decided and Jason threw his hand up in the air excitedly.
"Awesome! We're gonna be in the dining room in like five minutes, yeah?"
Thalia nodded, holding up her cigarette. "I'll just finish this smoke and be right there," she promised him and with a final excited nod, Jason rushed back inside, followed by Piper.
Thalia brought her glass up to her lips, taking a small sip of her cool whiskey. Leaning against the pillar, she could see the driveway perfectly, every single guest walking in and out of her dad's property. Some faces weren't too easy to discern in the dark, but some were more recognisable than others. Some, she could recognise even in the absence of all light.
As she was pulling her hand up to her lips to drag another puff out of her smoke, her hand stilled in mid air when she saw her, dressed in a DIY warrior costume, various large bits of skin showing. Thalia felt guilty for staring, but it wasn't the hot costume she was focused on. It was the girl walking next to her, holding her hand, and dressed in a matching outfit.
Thalia frowned, her hand falling back down to her side. She couldn't look away though, and as the warrior reached the entrance to the house, Thalia could have sworn she had caught her gaze for a split second before disappearing into the crowded house.
Thalia finished her cigarette quickly and crushed it against the marble pillar to extinguish it before tossing it in the garbage can. She downed her drink next and pushed her way inside. She left the tumbler on the first surface she could find and made a beeline to the dining room to find Jason, trying to clear her mind.
She found Jason and his friends sitting around the large dining table, red solo cups filled with beer set up over it. His friend Leo was tossing a few ping pong balls between his hands, oddly juggling them with a lot of grace. That guys was as clumsy as they came and yet he could juggle three tiny ping pong balls perfectly.
Thalia stood next to Jason on their side of the table and he turned around to give her an worried glance. "You okay?"
"Yeah," Thalia replied quickly. "Yeah, I'm fine. Shall we kick some ass?"
Jason grinned slowly, rubbing his palms together. "Yes, we shall!"
Thalia grinned back, turning her attention to the beer cups, and yet she couldn't stop thinking about her. Reyna... with another girl.
"Rock, paper, scissors?" Leo suggested and Jason nodded.
"You guys do know that the game starts with a shoot-off, right?"
They both ignored her, glaring deeply at each other.
Thalia rolled her eyes at the two geeks, realising that she was actually related to one of them, but still watched in amusement as both boys stood with back haunched over like they were ready to start brawling, but instead they started hitting their fists in the air on the count of three and pulling out the same number of fingers — all of them.
"Dude—," Leo groaned, pulling his hand back to his side. "Rock, paper, scissors— shoot."
And again, they both threw their fists out.
"Stop copying me, man," Jason whined, pouting as he ran his fingers over his hair.
Thalia was already bored. "I'll play you," she told Leo, pushing her brother aside. Neither one of them complained. Leo was about to start the countdown when Percy stumbled in, huge, tipsy grin on his face.
"Hey, I wanna beat Grace's ass!" He announced, standing next to Leo who looked like a literal child next to Percy due to the height difference. It was almost hilarious.
"You wanna beat me...?" Thalia raised an eyebrow, a smirk making its way onto her face. "At a drinking game?"
"Oh, yes!" He exclaimed and shoved Leo to the side with his shoulder so he was standing face to face with Thalia. "Count of three?"
"Okay." Thalia readied her fist and they both chanted the words before throwing their hands out. Thalia knew Percy pretty well. He was her cousin, after all and they practically grew up together. So, he was quite predictable when it came to things like Rock, Paper, Scissors. And he was an idiot.
So, it wasn't that hard to beat him. She was pretty much expected him to throw the paper sign and she pulled out the scissors.
Percy groaned in annoyance as she smirked triumphantly at him. "Okay, two out of three?"
Thalia sighed but complied anyway. "Fine. 1, 2, 3," and she pulled out the paper this time. Percy played a rock. Of course.
"Dude... you suck at this," Leo complained as Percy's eyes narrowed in Thalia's direction.
"Oh, it's on, Grace. You're going down!"
Thalia only grinned as she took her place in front of the table. "You're dreaming, Jackson!"
Jason cheered excitedly, his hands resting on Thalia's shoulders and patting them encouragingly.
It was Thalia, Jason, their younger cousin Nico, and Piper against Percy, and Jason's friends Leo, Frank, and Hazel. They were going to take rounds with Jason and Piper playing against Leo and Frank, and Thalia and Nico against Percy and Hazel. Piece of cake.
Jason went first and Thalia watched from the side as he and Piper practically annihilated the their friends. By the time Piper shot the winning ball, they still had six cups while Leo was already very drunk. Frank downed the last beer and threw the cup away, holding his belly uncomfortably.
"Yeah... I'm gonna go lay down, now," he waved his hand in the air and walked toward the couch in the back, flopping down with his legs hanging from the arm of the chair.
Thalia chuckled as she took her place next to Nico as Percy started filling new cups with beer.
"We're gonna tie," he decided but Thalia grinned at him, shaking her head softly.
"We're not gonna tie."
"We're gonna tie!" He repeated through gritted teeth as he set down the last cup at the top of the pyramid-shaped set-up.
"You're so not gonna tie," Annabeth exclaimed as she came up behind Percy, standing next to their friend Rachel.
"No offence, Jackson, but you're definitely losing against death boy and sparky," Rachel placed a sympathetic hand over his shoulder.
"We could tie..." Nico stated, pushing his long, shaggy hair out of his face. Thalia turned to him with a raised eyebrow.
"Dude, who's side are you on?"
"I'm just saying! Have you seen Hazel playing? She's ruthless!"
Thalia turned to look at Hazel, her youngest and most innocent cousin, a huge contrast to her brother Nico. And yet, somehow, she didn't doubt it.
"Isn't it funny how this turned out to be a family game?" Percy entertained as he twirled one of the ping pong balls between his fingers.
"Yeah, and I'm still going to murder you."
Percy's glare was kind of scary, but Thalia mustered one that was just as cold and angry and the game started.
As the previous winners, Thalia and Nico went first. Nico threw the first shot, getting the ball into one of the middle cups. Thalia grabbed the second ball, staring right into Percy's eyes as she tossed it, hearing a satisfying splash as it fell into one of the cups.
Percy and Hazel swallowed back their drinks before grabbing the balls and taking turns to throw them.
It was an intense game, and Thalia realised that they were great competitors. They always had the same amount of cups. Thalia had to step up her game. She had great aim, but so did Percy and Hazel.
There were only two cups left on both their sides, and Nico had just missed his shot. It was up to Thalia to tip the game to their favour.
She tossed the ball from one hand to the other, bending her knees just a little and narrowing her eyes at the cup she was aiming for. She was so focused on the cup that it should have been impossible for her to see anything else going on around her. But then again, she had ADHD which made her very easily distracted. And her senses were wired to go crazy around her. It was kind of an innate reflex at this point.
And of course, Reyna decided to walk in right as Thalia was about to throw the ball, except she wasn't alone. The other girl was walking right next to her, drink in one hand, Reyna's hand in the other. They were talking in hushed tones, the other girl's lips right next yo Reyna's ear, and Thalia felt her stomach churn.
The ball slipped from her fingers. It bounced on the other side of the table, right next to the cup, but there was no splash. It jumped up, bouncing off Percy's chest, and he caught it in his hand triumphantly.
"SUCK IT, GRACE!" He yelled out, his words stumbling as he was tipsier than ever.
Her own thoughts were beginning to jumble with the amount of beer she had just had.
Unfortunately, Percy's voice was way too loud, despite the booming music, and a few faces turned to glance at him, including Reyna. Even from across the room, Thalia could still see the look that glazed over Reyna's dark eyes for a split second as she met Thalia's gaze. She wasn't sure if it was more angry or surprised, but either way, Thalia's heart still hammered with a pang of hurt and guilt. All of her repressed emotions were suddenly resurfacing and she tried her best to push them down. Maybe if she downed more alcohol. She was starting to hope that Percy would get his next shot.
"Oh! Is that ReyRey?" Jason exclaimed excitedly behind Thalia.
"Where?" Nico replied with just as much joy, his head turning to glance in Reyna's direction really fast.
Right, of course. Reyna was one of Jason and Nico's best friends growing up. As far as she was concerned, they were still best friends. She knew for a fact that she also hung out with Percy and Annabeth on some occasions, but they were nice enough never to tell her.
Jason started running over toward Reyna and the person she had brought along, pushing past other guests until her standing right in front of her. Reyna's gaze finally broke from Thalia's and she turned to look at Jason with a smile on her face, though it never quite reached her eyes. Thalia remembered how Reyna wasn't much of a smiler, but whenever she did, it always lit up the room even with the sun shining so brightly.
Thalia was brought back to reality when Percy cheered excitedly to himself, giving Hazel a high five as he got the ball in one of the cups.
She saw Jason practically dragging Reyna and her friend over to their spot. Shit. She didn't wait for Hazel to throw her ball before she grabbed the plastic solo cup and swallowed back its contents in one chug.
As Thalia was setting down her cup, her eyes met Reyna's across the table once again. She cleared her throat, turning around to glance at Annabeth, pretending to hold a conversation with her.
"What are you doing?" Annabeth mumbled, raising a questioning eyebrow. Thalia shrugged her shoulders, pretending to be oblivious.
"Nothing, what are you doing?" She shot back, making Annabeth narrow her eyes suspiciously.
"Is it—,"
"No, it's not." Thalia snapped, reaching across the table to grab the last cup of beer that was still full.
"Hey— hey, wait, did you just forfeit?"
Well, shit. Thalia grimaced as she turned back around to face Percy who was grinning excitedly like a five year old on Christmas morning. She wasn't going to heard the end of this.
"No," she tried, but it was too late. He was already jumping around excitedly while Nico groaned in disappointment at their loss.
"Told you we were gonna tie!"
"Yeah, whatever," Thalia grumbled, holding the cup up to her mouth.
She stood behind Annabeth and Rachel, glancing down at her feet as the rest of the group started greeting Reyna.
Percy threw an arm around her shoulders which definitely made her uncomfortable though she didn't push him away.
"Rey! You have to start replying to the memes I send you. You can't just leave me on read!" Percy complained, and this time Reyna pushed his arm off.
"Don't call me, Rey," she told him in a rather threatening yet playful tone. "And they're never funny."
"Exactly! Thank you!" Nico agreed with her and Percy pouted at them, folding his arms over his chest defensively.
"No, you two just don't have a sense of humour!" Percy insisted.
"Anyway!" Jason interjected, trying to change the subject. Thalia watched her brother as he turned to his friend and sent her a wide grin. "Guys, have you met Leila? She's awesome!"
"Hi!" The blond smiled brightly, waving awkwardly at the group. Of course, she was nice and bright and bubbly.
"I've literally only ever heard your name once, so it is great to finally meet you!" Nico blurted out, suddenly becoming much more talkative with a lot of alcohol in his system. Man, for a guy his size, he shouldn't be able to drink so much. He was a lanky, sleep deprived twenty year old who always looked like he had a knife stabbing him in the side and he was losing blood fast.
Everyone started spewing questions and a whole conversation started, with every single person talking over the other, and Thalia faded into the background, flicking her lighter between her fingers.
She leaned back against one of the marble pillars in the large dining room, staring everywhere but at her friends. The painting of the Greek Muses that was hanging on the wall was pretty interesting. As an artist herself, she could always at least appreciate the very expensive art pieces that her dad buys.
"How about Never Have I Ever?"
Thalia turned around to see Percy looking between everyone else's faces as he waited for an answer.
"Yeah, that sounds good," Annabeth agreed, and everyone else nodded. "Thal, you coming?"
Thalia glanced at Annabeth who was now standing right next to Reyna, and it was really hard not to move her gaze just a few inches to the left, especially when she could feel Reyna's eyes watching her intently. She cleared her throat and straightened her back.
"Nah, I think I'm gonna go for a smoke," and before Annabeth could lecture her about the horrible side effects of smoking, she turned around, heading outside to the patio.
Not many people enjoyed sitting outside in the cold, so thankfully the backyard was almost empty except for that one couple sitting on one of the pool chaises making out. She rolled her eyes, walking toward the pool and kicking off her shoes. She pulled her socks off, rolled her jeans up to the middle of her calves and dipped her feet in the water. It was a heated pool, so the water was just the right temperature.
She pulled out her cigarette box and placed one between her teeth as she took out her lighter and flicked it on. She held the flame up to the cigarette until it lit up and she closed the lighter's lid to kill the flame. Thalia let out a long puff before leaning all the way back until she was lying down against the grass, her feet still splashing in the water.
The music wasn't so loud out here and she appreciated the serenity of it all. Even that one couple was being quiet enough. She could stare up at the crescent moon all she wanted, the faint, yellow glow in the sky helping her muscles relax the longer she looked at it. She could recognise some of the constellations, including the Huntress, which was one of her personal favourites.
Thalia didn't know how much time had passed, but it was hard to keep her thoughts at bay and eventually, they circled back to Reyna as they always did, and her heart tightened as it always did.
God, she was such an idiot. It was all her fault and she knew it. Hell, she had beaten herself up over it every single day for the past couple of months. Thalia had pushed away so many people in her past, but none of them ever hurt. None of them ever hurt like this.
She took another puff from her cigarette and exhaled the smoke in a shaky breath.
She heard the grass rustle as a pair of feet shuffled over it toward her, but she didn't bother turning around to see who it was. It was probably Annabeth coming to scold her for smoking so much.
The pair of legs stopped a few feet away from her. "Can I sit down?"
Thalia's head turned so fast she gave herself a whiplash. It wasn't Annabeth. It was Reyna, in her warrior's outfit, her legs bare and shining in the moonlight. She was twirling the plastic sword in her hands, watching Thalia intently with an unreadable expression on her face. She could see the brown of her eyes clearly, the same ones that Reyna never really cared for but Thalia had always insisted that they were the most beautiful pair of eyes in the world. And they were, with the way they lit up whenever she had a bright idea, and she had many bright ideas, or the way they danced whenever she was happy. But they weren't bright and glimmering right now.
Thalia realised she was staring for too long and that she hadn't yet given her an answer. She coughed out some smoke and nodded her head in the awkward and uncomfortable position she was sitting in to glance up at Reyna. "Yeah," she breathed out, "yeah, of course."
Reyna sent her a small smile and sat down next to her cross-legged. Thalia sat up herself, hearing a satisfying crack coming from her back. Reyna squirmed next to her, turning to look at her with a grimace on her face. She always hated the popping sound of joints.
"Sorry," she mumbled, moving to hold her cigarette in the other hand to save Reyna from inhaling the smoke second-hand.
"It's okay," Reyna replied softly.
She was quiet for a few moments, and Thalia couldn't help but turn around to look at her. She hadn't seen her this close in a while. Well, ever since their breakup. And yet, Reyna looked as beautiful and regal as ever.
"Nice costume," Thalia offered and Reyna smiled shyly, gripping the prop sword in her hand and holding it out in front of her like she was ready to stab someone. Still as cute as ever too.
"Thanks," Reyna responded. Thalia pulled the cigarette up to her lips. "I'd say you too, but you're not really doing the punk scene any justice."
Thalia snorted, almost choking on her saliva as she was breathing in another puff of smoke. The smoke came out of her nose and she turned around to look at Reyna in shock and a little bit of offence.
"Hey— that was uncalled for!" Thalia exclaimed and Reyna laughed softly, shrugging her shoulders unapologetically.
They sat there quietly for a while, Thalia's feet splashing in the water, and both of them staring up at the sky, deep in thought.
"Leila seems nice," Thalia started, her voice barely above a whisper. She couldn't get the image of Reyna holding the other girl's hand out of her head. She wanted to hold her hand.
"Yeah, she is," Reyna simply answered, running her fingers over the dry blades of grass.
"Won't she miss you in there?" Thalia asked a pretty obvious question, though it was packed with other questions and she was pretty sure Reyna knew her well enough to unpack them.
"No. She had to leave early. Family thing," she explained.
"Oh." Thalia nodded her head. It was awkward and she hated it and she hated herself because, again, it was all her fault. So she smoked some more. "So, you guys—,"
"We're not dating," Reyna interrupted her, her words loud and clear. She wanted Thalia to know she wasn't dating the cute girl she had brought with her to the party. It didn't make sense, because just a few moments ago they had looked pretty serious, and Leila had seemed absolutely enamoured with Reyna. But then again, who wouldn't be?
"Does she know that?" Thalia chuckled jokingly, raising a playful eyebrow at her.
Reyna rolled her eyes. "She does. We're just friends," she insisted.
"With benefits," Thalia added, but even just thinking about it made her heart hurt and her smile fall.
Reyna nodded a little, dropping her gaze to the small waves rippling over the water surface. Thalia smiled bitterly, taking the last puff of her now very small cigarette butt. She huffed out heavily, watching the smoke fly off in small ringlets. She used the sole of her shoes to put off the rest of the cigarette and shoved the butt into her half empty packet.
"Reyna Ramírez-Arellano, dating casually..." she chuckled, shaking her head a little. "Never thought I'd hear that—"
"Why did you do it?" Reyna turned to stare right at her, her brows furrowed in the middle and her lips twisted in a frown.
Thalia raised a confused eyebrow. "Do what?" She knew what she was asking about though.
"Why did you push me away?"
It became harder to maintain eye contact. Thalia licked her lips. "You broke up with me," she pointed out, and though it was true, she knew that was no excuse.
Reyna clenched her jaw. "Because you pushed me away!"
Thalia ran her fingers through her short hair, messing it up even more. She didn't know what to say. She didn't understand it herself. Not that she was surprised. Everyone always ended up leaving her. She always lost everything that was remotely good in her life. She had pretty much expected it from the beginning. It was too good to be true. In a way, she supposed, it might have been a self-fulfilled prophecy. But then, why did her heart pierce her with every beat?
"You did... everything— everything to push me away, Thalia," Reyna continued and Thalia could feel her eyes glaring wholes into the side of her face. "You just... became so closed off, all of a sudden, and so defensive about every little thing!"
Thalia turned around to look at her with a glare of her own. "Well, I'm sorry that's just who I am!" She snapped, knowing full well she wasn't being fair, but she couldn't help it.
"No, that's not you," Reyna sighed softly. "You're doing it again. You're being defensive and you're already building up that wall again."
When Thalia looked into Reyna's eyes, she was surprised to see pain in them. She'd expected Reyna to be angry and frustrated, to hate her. She looked like she did when she had told her she was leaving. But right now, she only looked tired and hurt and so vulnerable. Thalia wanted to make it better but she didn't know how. She didn't know how to be vulnerable. She never could afford it growing up.
Thalia grabbed her lighter, flicking it open, watching the flame burn for a few seconds before extinguishing it. She waited for a few seconds, fidgeting with the zippo before doing it all over again.
"Thalia, the last few weeks before, well..." she let out a shaky breath. "Everything felt so one-sided. Do you know how confusing that was? How much it hurt every time I woke up and you were sleeping on the couch, or you weren't even home. And you never talked to me about what was going on. You didn't talk to me anymore, actually, about anything."
Thalia didn't interrupt her like she had the last time they had they had this conversation with defensive and hurtful comments. While her guard was still up, at least she was in her post-atomic bomb phase. She was just simmering over the aftermath of her destruction. She was tired herself, tired of being so fucked up that she had voluntarily hurt the one person who had ever truly made her happy, made her feel happy. She had singlehandedly ruined the best thing that had ever happened to her, and there was nothing she could do about it now. Even if there was a solution, she had no idea where to start or how to fix things. She was walking barefoot on a pile of broke glass.
She let Reyna talk.
"I thought I'd— I don't know. I had no idea what was going on, and I thought it was my fault." That was when Thalia looked up to meet Reyna's eyes, their brown soft in the moonlight, and so incredibly sad. Thalia finally noticed the bags she was hiding under a little bit of make-up. Her brow creased as she frowned at Thalia. All this time, Reyna thought Thalia was pushing her away for something she had possibly done. Reyna thought it was her fault. Thalia would have physically beat herself up if it were possible. Her insides squirmed and she felt her heart fall to the pit of her stomach.
"Did I do something?" Reyna finally asked, her pained voice just above a whisper.
"No, god no!" Thalia exclaimed instantly, trying to at least put her mind at ease about this. It might not have hurt any less, knowing that this was all just Thalia being a fucked up mess, but at least she could know that she never did anything wrong. Thalia doubted Reyna had ever done anything wrong her entire life.
"Then— what, Thalia? What happened?" She let out a small bitter laugh. "Help me understand. Please."
Thalia pulled a handful of dead grass blades harshly, ripping them apart in her hands one by one. Somehow, it was kind of soothing as she tried to think of a reasonable answer. Quite frankly, she had no answer that made sense.
"Because I hate myself. I live off my own emotional torment!" She muttered under her breath, watching as she let the small bits of grass fall from her hand into the pool.
"Thalia," Reyna sighed softly. She never liked Thalia was being self-deprecating. It happened a lot.
"What do you want me to say, Rey? That I just suddenly woke up one day and decided I didn't like you anymore? Or that I found the way you always wear socks to bed annoying, or that sometimes, when you cook, you start singing in Spanish under your breath, or how you get really competitive whenever we're playing a board game or something? That I found every little tiny quirk about you bothersome enough to push you away? Because I'd be lying."
"Then, what? Was it someone else?"
How could she even think that? There was never going to be anyone else for Thalia. She shook her head, no.
"Was I not enough?"
"Of course you were enough, Reyna, you were everything," Thalia replied quietly, exhaling heavily through her nostrils.
"Then, what is it? Something must have happened!" Reyna exclaimed. She was starting to lose her patience with Thalia, and her voice which had always been steady was starting to shake. Thalia couldn't remember a single time she'd heard Reyna's voice shake. "Please," she begged her softly. "If it wasn't me, or someone else, then, what—,"
"I DON'T KNOW!" Thalia cried out, pulling at the ends of her hair.
"Thali—,"
"BECAUSE I LOVED YOU!" Thalia finally blurted out, her voice loud. She swallowed back hard as she met Reyna's gaze. "I love you. Fuck."
Thalia didn't look to see what Reyna's reaction was. She buried her face in her hands and closed her eyes, taking in a few breaths to calm herself down.
To her surprise though, she heard a small chuckle coming from Reyna, a small bittersweet chuckle of disbelief. "You can't love someone else if you don't love yourself first," Reyna muttered quietly, her voice carrying a cold, sharp edge.
Thalia barked out a laugh. "Bullshit," she snapped. "I have never loved myself, that's true, but god, Rey, I loved you so much I started hating myself less." Her voice was so quiet, if Reyna hadn't been sitting right next to her she would have missed it.
When she turned around to meet Reyna's gaze, the butterflies in her stomach only started flying around faster. Reyna only looked more confused and taken aback than ever, the sadness only intensified.
"Then why didn't you want me anymore?" Her voice was so soft and fragile, it broke Thalia's heart all over again. "You didn't fight for us."
Thalia shrugged her shoulders, pulling her bottom lip in between her teeth. Reyna was still watching her, waiting for an answer that Thalia had no idea how to give her. She was still trying to figure it out herself. But Reyna's question didn't sit right with her, because she only wanted her more than ever. She wanted her so much, she couldn't deal with it.
"Reyna," Thalia breathed out her name. She still loved the way it rolled off her tongue so easily, so perfectly. She wanted to say her name as much as she wanted to hear her own name coming from her lips.
"I've seen you fight for less."
"I know! God, I know!" Thalia exclaimed, her voice breaking at the end. She was starting to break down. "I want to give you an answer, I want to tell you why I did what I did, but I don't know how. I don't know why I did it all. Just— I don't know."
"You can't just tell me you love me for the first time and expect me to believe it when you can't even give me an answer as to why you lost interest in our relationship, which by the way, I thought was going very well. We were happy. I thought you were happy."
Thalia could feel her eyes stinging with unshed tears. She was happy. She was happier than she'd ever been, so naturally, she sabotaged her own joy because it just wasn't normal. She wasn't used to it. And she was an idiot.
"I know you won't believe me, but god, you made me happier in those five months than anything else ever did. I have no idea how to deal with— with anything! Reyna, I—," she took in a shaky breath. "I fell for you, hard and fast, and I've never fallen for anyone before and," she shrugged her shoulders, staring down at her lap. "I was scared. I was so scared of what it all meant, of how it could possibly hurt me that I only ended up hurting myself, and you in the process. I could never forgive myself for hurting you like that." She let out a heavy sigh.
"I didn't know how to love you. I still don't," she admitted.
Reyna was quiet. She didn't day a word, but yet Thalia could still hear her thinking loudly.
"It's not so hard, Thal," Reyna murmured. "All you had to do was let me in."
She knew that, but she was also the biggest idiot in the world.
"Everyone in my life always ends up leaving. Eventually, I was going to do something and you were gonna end up leaving in the end anyway."
"God, you're so stupid!" Reyna suddenly snapped, and Thalia could hear more frustration and anger in her voice now.
"I know!" Thalia agreed easily.
"No, you really don't! Thalia, I loved you. I don't think you could have done anything that would have made me leave, not like the way you pushed me away. Whatever it was, we would have worked on it. That's what you do when you love someone. You try. But you took the easy way out when things got serious. It's like you didn't care enough to fight for us. To fight for me."
Reyna was breathing heavily by the end of her rant. Thalia could feel her eyes stinging harder. She refused to shed the tears. She wanted to apologise, though she knew it wouldn't make a difference.
"I don't know what to say," Thalia murmured, tangling her fingers through the rough grass. "Are you still angry?"
Reyna shook her head. She pulled one of her knees up to her chest, the other one joining Thalia's legs in the pool. "I was never angry," she admitted quietly. "Just hurt." There was defeat in her voice. She was tired of fighting
Thalia didn't want to fight anymore. She wished things could get better, but these things were never so easy.
"I forgive you though. For being such an idiot."
Thalia looked up to see Reyna cracking a small smile. "Thank you, I guess," she responded softly. "And I'm sorry, for what's it's worth. I'm really sorry for ruining what we had."
"It's okay," Reyna whispered.
Thalia nodded. She ran her fingers over the water surface, watching it ripple in small waves.
So, that was it. They talked it out. They could move on. Maybe, she could finally get a good night sleep. But her heart didn't stop aching. The stinging behind her eyes never stopped. She didn't want to move on. She thought she could, two months ago when she forced Reyna to walk out. She'd moved on pretty fast from all of her previous relationships. Hell, she had gone on a date with Kenzie three days after breaking up with Drew. And yet, she had woken up from a nightmare that same morning, the same nightmare she'd had for the past two months. Reyna walking out that door. Over and over again.
But Reyna had clearly already moved on. She was seeing other people. Thalia couldn't even get herself to talk to any other girls. She had to move on herself at some point, she realised. She didn't want to. She'd already lost Reyna, but she couldn't get herself to let her go just yet.
Reyna's voice brought her out of her thoughts a few moments later.
"Did you mean it?"
Thalia turned to glance at her, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion. "Hm?"
"That you loved me."
"Oh."
"It's just, you never said it back, when we were dating."
Thalia remembered the day Reyna had told her she loved her. They were just cuddling on the couch and Thalia had gone up to make them some tea, and as she was handing Reyna her mug, she had blurted out “god, I love you.” It was quiet and under her breath, but Thalia had still heard it. It took her by surprise at first. She couldn’t believe anyone could ever love her like that. But she found herself smiling as she sat back down next to Reyna who was slightly embarrassed. Thalia couldn’t get herself to say it back, but she had kissed her softly instead.
It was around then that she had started acting like a complete ass. She had become much more reserved, pulling herself away and pushing Reyna away in the process. All because she couldn’t handle having someone loving her. Because she was thought she would hurt them both in the end and she didn’t want to deal with it when they were in too deep.
But Thalia was unaware at the time that she had already fallen deeper than she ever thought possible. She was in the deepest depths of fricken love and climbing all the way back up was simply impossible. God...
“I meant it,” she admitted in a murmur, pulling her feet out of the water and holding her knees to her chest. She wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her chin on her kneecaps, watching the water droplets slide down her shins. “I do love you.”
“You used the present tense.” Reyna sounded genuinely surprised.
Thalia sent her a shy smile. “I did.”
She noticed the music coming from the house had changed from the horrible trap remixes to some softer and slower but still way too mainstream songs. The bass and drums in the song were heavy and they seemed to echo her heart beating in her chest as she met Reyna’s eyes. In the moonlight, her skin had a faint glow to it, like a deity from another world. Thalia would not have been surprised if she was.
“I really don’t get you,” Reyna sighed, imitating Thalia by leaning her own chin against her knee.
“I don’t get myself either,” Thalia chuckled, hiding her face in her lap.
She felt Reyna’s palm rest on her back gently and though her touch made her heart rate try and win a horserace, the weight and warmth of her hand was comforting.
“Tell me it’s all going to be okay,” Thalia whispered, her voice muffled as she spoke into the denim of her jeans.
Reyna didn’t answer for a few moments, but when she did, it wasn’t the answer Thalia was looking for. “I don’t know,” she murmured.
Thalia lifted her head up and found Reyna’s face closer than it had been earlier. She didn’t know what came over her, but she found herself slowly leaning in. Reyna watched her with her brows knit, but she didn’t pull back. She didn’t lean in either. She let Thalia close the gap between them, their lips meeting in a featherlike touch. Thalia’s cold lips moved against Reyna’s soft and warm ones so delicately, you’d think she was afraid Reyna was made of porcelain. But really, she knew she was the porcelain vase that was shattered to pieces and glued back together like a puzzle using some really bad quality tape. Not Reyna.
Reyna kissed her back just as soft and hesitantly. When she finally pulled away, she rested her forehead against Thalia’s who kept her eyes closed, hoping the sweet taste of Reyna’s cherry chapstick would linger a little bit longer.
“I’m sorry,” Thalia finally whispered, feeling a lump starting to form in her throat. One that was long overdue.
“It’s okay,” Reyna reassured her. She found Thalia’s hand and gave it a small reassuring squeeze, and Thalia’s insides squeezed along with it.
“I don’t want to move on,” Thalia confessed, her voice coming out thick. She swallowed back the lump in her throat, but she was sure she wouldn’t be able to repress her emotions for much longer. “And I know that I should. And I’m glad that you have. But I don’t want to let you go.”
“You’re a few weeks too late,” Reyna responded. Thalia looked up at her, wide-eyed, and she was pretty sure the blue of her eyes was surrounded by a lot of red. “But I haven’t moved on either. I’m too hung up on you, Thalia Grace. You wormed your way in and took up permanent residence and quite frankly, you are the worst tenant in the world.”
Thalia managed to crack a smile. “I’ve heard that before a couple of times.”
Reyna laughed softly. “Yeah, I bet mrs. O’Brien really hates you.”
Thalia laughed in agreement. Her landlord really did complain a lot about her. Sadly, she was the loud neighbour.
“And as irritating as you are, I can’t seem to let you go either.” Thalia was genuinely not expecting that. “Do you know how hard it’s been not to ask Jason or Annabeth about you these past few weeks? I had to delete your number, but I have it memorised!”
Thalia felt her cheeks heat up a little. Her? Blushing? This was embarrassing. Fucking hell, she hated being in love.
“But... what about Leila?” Thalia asked in confusion, suddenly remember that Reyna was actually kind of seeing someone.
“We made out once. A few days ago,” she admitted with a sheepish laugh. “She said that I was clearly not over you. And she was right.”
Thalia ran a hand over her hair. Her mind was swarming with thoughts, all of them of Reyna, but she wasn’t sure how to proceed. As far as she was concerned, she would like for time to freeze and for them to sit here for the rest of eternity. But life wasn’t so easy.
“Hey, Rey?”
Reyna looked up with her eyebrows raised. “Hm?”
“Do you think—,” she licked her lips, trying to form a proper sentence but all her thoughts were jumbled as she looked at Reyna, her beautiful eyes, the small freckle right above her lip on the right side of her mouth, the way her nose had the smallest of bumps which she always found so endearing. She could sit and admire her face for the rest of her life.
She cleared her throat. “Do you think we could maybe— I want to try—,” she let out a frustrated sigh, but Reyna was sitting there patiently, letting her find her words. “Could we maybe start over?” She finally managed to ask. But she couldn’t stop talking. The words came rushing out of her like an avalanche. “We’ll go slow, and I promise if I’m gonna try— I mean, if I ever get— if I ever start to close off, I’ll let you know and we’ll work through it. I’ve always pushed people away and it’s always been easy because honestly, I didn’t even want them in my life. But they’re not you. I’m not used to fighting for anyone. But I’m ready to fucking throw myself on the frontline if it means I won’t have to lose you again.”
Reyna watched Thalia intently, chewing on the inside of her cheek in thought, absorbing her every word, but the longer she remained silent the more anxious Thalia got. She started tapping her fingers against her knee which was already bopping up and down at a fast pace.
Reyna tilted her head to the side. “We’ll go slow?”
Thalia nodded.
“You won’t push me away when things get hard?”
Thalia shook her head. “I know I’m gonna do something dumb at some point, but I promise, Rey, I’ll try to let you in. If I can’t be vulnerable with you...” she trailed off, shrugging her shoulders.
Reyna’s lips curved up in a small smile. “I really want us to start over again.”
Thalia was still surprised when she heard those words and her grin was wider than it had ever been. It was hard to contain her excitement, but she managed to play it cool, holding her hand out for Reyna to shook.
“What are you doing?” Reyna asked hesitantly as she clasped Thalia’s hand, shaking it with uncertainty.
“Hi! I’m Thalia.”
Reyna seemed to understand at last and she rolled her eyes at Thalia. “You’re an idiot.”
“No, silly! I’m Thalia!”
Reyna sighed, giving Thalia a reluctant grin, shaking her hand firmly in greeting. “It’s nice to meet you Thalia, I’m Reyna.”
For the first time in a long while, Thalia cracked her signature, shit-eating grin. “That’s a pretty name.”
Reyna laughed softly, shaking her head at Thalia’s antics. Reyna was probably already so done with Thalia, but she played along. “Thank you.”
Neither one of them let go of the other’s hand. They kept looking at each other, with the dumbest, most tipsy, lopsided grins on their face.
When Thalia’s was finally about to let go of Reyna’s hand though, Reyna tightened her grip and she pulled her in until their lips met, the kiss much more feverish than the one they shared just minutes ago.
Thalia was taken aback, but it was easy to fall back into familiar patterns and she found herself placing her hands on Reyna’s face to cup her cheeks and deepen their kiss. She kissed her until all the breath in her lungs had vanished and she was forced to pull away to catch her breath. Reyna nuzzled Thalia’s cheek, breathing heavily into her warm skin.
“I thought we were taking it slow,” Thalia laughed out breathlessly.
“We are,” Reyna confirmed. “You’re not seeing me naked until after our fifth date.”
“I saw you naked on our first date the first time around,” Thalia pointed out with a cocky grin.
“But now we’re taking things slow.”
Thalia nodded slowly, her grin only growing the longer she stared at Reyna. “Okay, fifth date it is,” she acquiesced. “Are you busy Monday through Friday?”
Reyna snorted, shaking her head at Thalia. “Very busy. Call me tomorrow and I’ll tell you when I’m free.”
Thalia couldn’t hide her disappointment but at least she had something to look forward to in the morning. “I’ll call you as soon as I wake up,” she promised and Reyna smiled softly at her.
“I’ll be waiting.”
Thalia watched her as she pushed herself up to her feet, dusting off the back of her warrior costume. She didn’t want her to leave just yet, but Reyna was already walking away and all she could do was watch her long legs move farther and farther away until she disappeared into the house. She wasn’t all that disappointed, in the end.