Chapter Text
Take a deep breath. Let it out. Take another one. Stand rooted to the floor.
He’d reached his limit a few months prior, when he’d had to perform an autopsy on Fornell and Gibbs’ ex wife and semi-familiar face around the agency, Diane. He’d known her, had talked to her. But this was different. He knew things about Ned that few others did, had had a real friendship with him. And now he had to unzip a black body bag, remove bits of shrapnel from his body, comb his hair and clean his wounds. And he couldn’t move.
“Mr Palmer? Would you like me to perform the autopsy?” Ducky softly questioned.
“No Doctor, I just.. I’ve performed autopsies on colleagues before but Ned... he was far more than a work acquaintance. I can do it, just.. can you maybe unzip the bag? Please?” Jimmy replied.
Ducky nodded gently and reached over to grab the zip. Jimmy suddenly faced the wall, and once Ducky had finished opening it up, turned around. He knew he had to be professional, but he’d been so happy to be working in the same vicinity as Dorney these past few days rather than just grabbing a coffee on campus together every other week. He’d barely been able to see him before he left for Egypt, just catching the same elevator as he rambled about how excited he was to be repping the agency internationally, Gilroy Libbs would be in full command, and that he’d always wanted to go to Cairo. Jimmy had expressed his delight and wished him luck, saying Dorney would have to tell him all about it when he got back. A quick pat on the back, and that was the last he’d seen of his friend - until now.
Pale, bruised, wounded, expressionless. He felt so helpless, wanting to do something to make this make sense, but he couldn't think at all. Jimmy gazed at his face, and as his hands started to shake, did the only thing he could: began to work.
He was unable to talk almost the whole time. Ducky respected and upheld the silence. Gibbs came down at one point to get an update and Jimmy barely looked up from the table. It wasn’t til they were nearly done, and Jimmy suddenly stopped, and gasped, “Oh my god, Andrew. Oh god, no. No. Oh..”
“What’s wrong, Mr Palmer? Who.. is Andrew?” Ducky probed, and it was at this point Jimmy’s eyes welled up with tears that he could not stop.
“Doctor, I.. probably shouldn’t be disclosing this to you. I don’t want to dishonour his memory. This is said in confidence.” Jimmy replied, to Ducky’s agreement.
“Of course, dear boy. Was Andrew a.. friend?”
Jimmy sighed as he looked at Dorneget, lying there on the table, and said “Ned is - was - gay. I overheard him and Tim discussing it years ago, and being uh.. I am uh, bisexual, Doctor, but anyway - I overheard and we started talking, about the agency and all that.. and we became friends and had found we had lots in common, we became good friends. And at some point, about a year ago, he met a guy named Andrew and eventually introduced him to me, we’d had double dates with Breena, and they both were genuinely happy, it was a really good, healthy relationship, and they had gotten quite serious in their year together. But because Ned wasn’t out to the agency, or really to his mother, I don't think anyone knows they needed to contact him. It’s been a couple days now and I just can’t imagine... I have to go talk to him. Ned....”
“I can finish up here, if you would like to go speak to this young man, and send my condolences. I have nothing, by the way, against gay - or bisexual as it were - people Mr Palmer, and I know - and I hope you do too, and am saddened Edward was perhaps unaware - that Jethro and Director Vance and the agency stands with and behind people of all sexualities. Please, never fear I would judge you for something like that. Go. I’ll put him away.” Ducky said, tenderly and affirmatively, to which Jimmy smiled thankfully, but without his usual cheer.
“Thank you Doctor Mallard, I’d like to finish the job, and then tonight I'll go to his place. I believe Dorney wasn’t expected back from Cairo for another few days, so I’m not sure what Andrew’s aware of. We’re almost done here.” Jimmy replied, and with the utmost care, finished off the last parts of the procedure in resumed silence and finally, pushed the body into the freezer and closed the door, with all the heaviness he held pulsating through the metal handle. He sighed once more, removed his scrubs, thanked Doctor Mallard and left.
He went home to Breena, told her what had happened, and she agreed he had to tell Andrew and offered to go with him. They had a quiet dinner and lit a candle for Dorneget, and at 7pm Jimmy left. He’d assured Breena he’d be fine and she had Victoria to look after, but as soon as he pulled up outside Andrew’s apartment complex, he’d never felt so daunted, and hollow, and distraught. He’d heard Doctor Mallard time and time again make the calls to victims’ next of kin, and on occasion had made the calls himself, with the Doctor’s approval and script, of course. But ringing a lady three states over about the death of her grown adult child in clinical terms is a world away from rocking up at a friend’s house to tell him his partner has been killed in a foreign country, when he shouldn;t have been in imminent danger in the first place. He was overcome with emotion and couldn’t bring himself to take the keys out of the ignition, and on a whim, rung Tim.
Tim was sitting at his computer, trying to play video games to fill the emptiness left after Dorneget’s death, but every time he saw the Skyrim logo and thought to all their discussions and tactics, all their gaming hours together and in-jokes, it just sunk that little bit deeper. His phone rang at about quarter past 7, and Delilah's voice came from the living room that Jimmy was calling. He answered with a frown, but his questions were quickly answered when he heard Jimmy’s sobs, and requests to whether Jim could pick him up and help him do something for Ned. Tim instantly agreed, and got dressed, explaining quickly to Delilah. Shortly after, Jimmy pulled up and Tim hopped in.
“So.. where are we going, Jimmy?” Tim asked.
“Did you know he was seeing someone? They’ve been together just over a year now, but because he was gay, he didn’t talk about it much.” Jimmy replied, eyes on the road.
“Oh yeah, he had mentioned that a few times, was it Andrew or something? Wait wait - does he know? No, we’re not telling him now are we?” Tim suddenly turned to Jimmy.
Jimmy pulled up at the red light and looked at Tim with a pleading look. “I can’t do this alone, Tim. I tried, and you heard where that got me. I couldn’t get out of the car.” He edged the car forward as the light turned green, “I did the autopsy today, and it hit me. There will be no one else to tell him. And I - we - need to do it now before he comes to me. Please. I don’t know who else knew he was gay. Or who else knew him like you. Andrew will appreciate it. I’ll do the talking, I just.. needed back up I guess.”
Tim let a long breath out through his nose, sufficing a simple “Ok.” and they sat in silence for the rest of the journey. It was a few minutes before 8 when they pulled up, and stepped up onto the front steps of Andrew’s building. Jimmy rang his doorbell, and they were buzzed up. Andrew welcomed them in with a bit of confusion, but nevertheless happy to see his friend, and whoever he’d brought with him.
“Hey, Andrew. How’ve you been? I hope we’re not interrupting anything?” Jimmy enquired.
“No, no, unless you count reruns of Seinfeld as anything important. Was just getting on to emailing Ned though, haven’t heard from him in a few days, but I’m guessing super secret agent work and Cairo’s wifi network don’t always make for good communication abilities.” Andrew replied with a laugh. “Would you like anything to drink? Coffee, tea? I have some mint hot choc are somewhere I could find?”
“Oh uh, tea would be fine, thanks. Let me help you make it.” Jimmy offered. “McGee? Oh, I haven’t introduced you. Andrew, this is Tim McGee, a colleague of mine and Ned’s at NCIS. Tim, this is Andrew, Ned’s partner.”
Tim reached out his hand to shake, saying “Good to meet you Andrew, I’ve heard lots about you. Trek is better than Wars, I’m glad you agree, even if Ned didn’t. I’m good on the drink though, but thank you.”
Andrew seemed not to notice the tense change from present to past, and got to work with the teas. Minutes later, the three were sat around his little coffee table in his cozy living room, and he said “So, what brings you both here? Has Ned been delayed in Cairo or something?”
Jimmy froze, and couldn’t bring himself to deliver the damning words. McGee nudged him, but when he saw Jimmy tongue-tied, prompted with “Andrew, I’m aware you and Ned have been seeing each other for over a year, and you’re his boyfriend - his partner? Well, this.. this is a little more than a social call.”
Andrew’s face slowly dropped its smile and he looked between the other two men.
“Wait what? Oh god, has something happened? Is he okay? Can I go see him? Is he safe? Is-“
“Ned died, Andrew.” Jimmy cut him off, dropping the bombshell which was met with a deafening silence. “I’m so sorry. I- I’m so, so sorry. Tim was there.”
Andrew was still in absolute shocked disbelief, so Tim elaborated gently.
“We were on a mission to represent NCIS internationally, to officials, not engage in any dangerous territory. All our intel pointed towards DC but they found him at the hotel we were staying at, and they.. they planted a bomb. A number of bombs, in fact, designed to kill many people in horrid ways. We figured it out, and I called him, to warn him, and he got almost everyone out of harm’s way. He saved numerous, countless lives. He spent his last conscious moments helping people, guiding them, reassuring them. He was not only an incredible agent, but the best kind of person there was. But with so many people running around, someone accidentally set off the detonator. And he was caught in the crossfire. He was rushed to the hospital in Cairo, and they did everything they could, but he was too far gone, and we lost him around midday DC time. He was brought home today, and will be having a military funeral with full honours soon. You’re absolutely invited, you were so important to him. I’m sorry to have to have told you this. So sorry for your loss, for all of our loss. He was a great man and a wonderful friend.”
As he finished his spiel, Andrew dissolved into wracking sobs, and Jimmy moved to comfort him. Tim grabbed a box of tissues from the kitchen counter and filled a glass of water.
They sat with Andrew for another two hours, discussing and reminiscing Ned’s life and legacy, who he was as a person, a partner, a gaming friend, an agent. How he and Andrew had met, how he’d come out to Tim and Jim and Jim had to him in return, what it was like to have someone who understood. The funny moments they’d each shared, the pranks, his favourite things. Jim’s bachelor party that wasn’t, and how he made sure that Jimmy hadn’t felt let down by it afterwards, giving him a gift and treating him to a dinner a few weeks later. How funny and awkward he was at first, but how much he had grown and earned the respect of everyone in his three years at NCIS, including Gibbs. How Andrew's love and support and their relationship of the past year had really helped bring Ned into a new confidence and maturity, and just everything good about him.
Around 10:30, Jimmy and Tim decided they should best head off as they had work in the morning, and Andrew thanked them for thinking of him and letting him know. They promised to let him know and save him a seat as soon as the details about the small funeral came out, and then they hopped in Jimmy’s car and drove home. Tim had him take a detour to get a late night side of chips, as they were both emotionally exhausted. They sat in the car, overlooking a local lake rippling softly under the moonlight.
“He won’t be forgotten. He may not have been Kate, or Director Shepard, or even Ziva - Oh, I guess Ziva wouldn’t know either - but we won’t forget who he was, and everything he’d worked to be, and who he’d become. And what he died doing. We can’t. He was a good man.” Jimmy exhaled, about the last words on the subject he was able to get out for the night. “And thank you, Tim, for coming with me. I would never have been able to face Andrew myself. And I think it helped that you could explain what happened. It comforted me, at the very least.”
Tim smiled sadly at Jimmy, and thanked him for going through with that, and that it was no problem, it had helped him too. They both felt that they had helped commemorate Ned in the best of very fews ways possible, and Jimmy particularly felt he'd achieved what he'd needed to do.
With that, Jimmy dropped Tim off and waved to Delilah through the window, and headed home to find Breena waiting up for him.
He fell into her arms and they embraced for a good ten minutes, before conceding sleep was the best option, and shuffled off to bed. They left a candle burning low for Ned, for the memory of not just a heroic agent but a fully fledged person and friend, whose hopes and dreams and achievements and growth, and the impact he'd had on all he met throughout his tenure with NCIS could never be downplayed.