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It had been a while since you’d spent time with Sakusa, let alone since he asked you to spend time with him. You were the one to initiate things usually. You confessed first, you planned your first date, you held his hand first, and, you were the reason you two had even kissed at all. Ever since then—since you kissed him while sitting in his living room, watching a horrible romcom, Sakusa had been acting differently. He hardly even held your hand anymore.
You knew Sakusa was a germaphobe, that he had trouble with physical contact. You were trying desperately to chalk his behavior up to that, but you had to admit that he was acting strange. Even now, after he asked you out of the blue to come to his practice, he was hardly acknowledging you. When you brushed your hand against his, trying to elicit some kind of reaction, maybe even hoping that he would reach back and hold your hand in his, like he’d started doing not too long ago, he quickened his pace to the gym, leaving you trying to catch up.
When you arrived at the gym, Sakusa was already set up on the other side of the court, rooting through his bag, probably looking for sanitizer. You sighed, pulling out a little personal bottle from your purse, squirting some on your own hands (a habit you’d picked up from your boyfriend). As you rubbed your hands together, you felt a hand on your shoulder. Whipping your body around, a mop of yellow and one of orange entered your line of vision.
“Tsum-Tsum!” you squealed, wrapping your arms around him, relishing in the feeling of his arms instantly responding by enveloping you. If you were being honest, you missed this feeling. You missed touch, the warmth of another body against your own. Even just the intimacy of knowing someone else wanted to touch you, as well. You’d been holding off for Sakusa, trying to make him feel comfortable in your relationship, giving him time. But you would be lying if you said that you were always happy about how Sakusa felt about physical touch. You hated to admit it, but you were touch starved.
“Heya,” Atsumu chuckled, removing his arms from you and patting you on the head. “We’ve missed you at practice. What’ve you been up to? Where’ve you been?”
As you opened your mouth to answer him, you were interrupted by your favorite tangerine tackling you in a soul-crushing hug.
“He’s right! We’ve missed you coming to watch us practice so much! It’s not fair that Omi’s keeping you all to himself!” Hinata whined, pouting whilst still bear hugging you.
“Well, he is my boyfriend,” you smiled, starting to tell the two of them that you just hadn’t been able to come to watch them lately; that you were busy. You didn’t have the heart to tell them that something had been off with your dear Omi.
If you weren’t so focused on touching and talking to his teammates, you might’ve noticed Sakusa’s dark glare. He was staring intently at the interaction, listening to every word you said. You had lied for him, saying that you had been busy. You hadn’t been busy, he thought, he just wasn’t inviting you anymore.
Ever since you kissed Sakusa, he hadn’t known what to do. It was so overwhelming, so much. Too much. When you kissed, all these new feelings had started to bubble in his chest. He wanted to kiss you, to hold you, to touch you. He wanted to do everything with you that the people in that horrible romcom you were watching together when you first kissed did. But, something held him back. He didn’t know where to go from here. He was scared. What was he supposed to do? He didn’t know. And besides, he didn’t even like touching people. So why did he feel a pang in his chest at the sight of Hinata’s arms wrapped around your frame?
The drive back to Sakusa’s apartment was silent. The air was tense. You were surprised that Sakusa had invited you to come back to his apartment. This wasn’t unusual per se. Almost every time you watched him at practice, he’d invite you over. Sometimes you’d make dinner for the both of you while he showered, and then you’d eat together and maybe watch a movie until you needed to go home. There was something uncomfortable about the atmosphere now though. Sakusa seemed almost grumpy. His brows were furrowed, and you could tell something was on his mind.
You didn’t cook dinner today. Sakusa had told you he had leftovers from something he made the other night, so you decided to laze around his apartment while he showered. Deciding to throw on some dumb romcom (your favorite thing to do at Sakusa’s apartment), you pulled out a soft blanket and curled up on the couch. Suddenly, you felt very aware of the warmth the blanket was giving you. It reminded you of the feeling of Atsumu’s and Hinata’s arms around you. Or even just the feeling of Sakusa’s hand around your own. You missed that feeling.
Feeling a little down all of a sudden, you grabbed a pillow and held it tight to your chest, trying to simulate what it might be like to hug your boyfriend.
Sakusa emerged from the bathroom, hair still damp. You hadn’t noticed his gaze lingering over you. He sucked in a sharp breath, feeling his chest tighten. I should be there, he thought, wanting nothing more than to be curled up with you. to hell with being scared, Sakusa wanted nothing more than this, than you. He made a silent resolve and walked towards you.
Your head perked up at the sound of Sakusa’s footsteps coming towards you, surprise spreading across your face as he made a beeline straight towards you, sitting right next to you. This was definitely weird. He had never chosen to sit this close to you, and you had always tried to keep a respectful distance for his sake.
He looked huffy. Your brows knitted together. You were worried; why was your Kiyoomi acting so strange?
Sakusa let out a small huff, face dusted in light pink. Damn, why was this so hard for him?
“Sakusa, what’s wrong?” You questioned him, worry evident on your face.
He grimaced at you, hesitantly reaching out and taking the pillow that you had been holding on to so tightly.
Not so hard, he thought to himself, a little less scared. without uttering a word, he took your now empty hands in his own and placed your arms around his neck in an embrace. More confident now, Sakusa placed his hands at your waist, wrapping his arms around his body. Blush now deeper, he laid his head against your chest, mumbling something.
“What’s wrong, Sakusa?” You repeated, seriously worried by his strange behavior.
“Don’t… Don’t call me that,” he mumbled into your chest, going limp against you. Was he... was he cuddling you?
He liked this. He liked you. He didn’t know what to say or what to do, but this seemed like where he was supposed to be.
Surprised but happy, you stayed still for a while.
Working up a bit of confidence, you decide to lace one hand through his hair, running your fingers through it.
“Omi-Omi,” you say, using his pet name, seeing the corner of his lips turn up only slightly, “is this okay?”
Sakusa only responds by sighing in contentedness, tightening his hold on you. Why was he so scared before? This was perfect. It felt right. He snuggled into you further, not knowing what to say to you.
“I thought you didn’t like this kind of stuff?” You hummed, utterly enjoying the contact with your boyfriend. This is what you wanted so badly, and it was everything you dreamed of and more.
He blushed even deeper, burying his face further into your chest. Boy, was your boyfriend emotionally constipated.
You heard him mumble something, again unable to make out what he was saying.
“What was that?”
“I…” Sakusa said, just loud enough for you to hear, “I liked it when you kissed me…”
“But?” You prodded, knowing there was more to this story.
“But,” he huffed, “I didn’t know what to do after. I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do.” He sighed. “But, I like this. This is nice.” He closed his eyes, his slight smile still gracing his lips.
You smiled in return, content with this, with him. You placed a kiss on his now soft hair in response, the pleasant smell of his shampoo wafting off of it.
“Besides,” he grunted, “I was… jealous of those idiots at practice.”