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When the scenarios first started, Yoo Joonghyuk had the foolish thought that he could save the world. By becoming strong and powerful, he and his comrades could overcome any tragedy. As he kept going through a world which was disconnected from the way it used to be once upon a time, he held onto this naive thought.
He trained and fought. Killed and slaughtered. Laughed and cried. Lived and eventually died.
Like an endless loop which reset when he died to the very start of this hell, he experienced the same tragedies over and over again. He would wake up in the very same subway train. Meet the same people who fought alongside him. Yet after just a few regression turns, he lost his confidence in calling them 'companions'.
The "regressor" Yoo Joonghyuk was simply too different. As they repeated the same things alongside him, they never remembered any of his past regressions.
The time they spent together, their struggles. The love he once felt for Lee Seolhwa. The few moments he cherished that gave him assurance that there was some meaning in his suffering, a certain sense in this neverending hell.
Everything faded into nothingness when he opened his eyes. As if nothing of his past and actions mattered.
When he became a father, he thought, 'I will save the world. For my companions and loved ones.'
It was a certainty he never reached again after watching his loved ones die in front of his eyes. His child who wasn't big enough to walk slumped limply in his strong arms.
Strong?
He really was a fool back then.
Looking back after thousands more of these repeating lives, his former self felt like the silliest man he'd ever met. With time passing, he couldn't keep his youth-like ignorance. No, this simply wasn't possible with the life he led.
So after his many failures, he devoted his life to one goal: to save the world. To no longer look at the people by his side as his comrades. By losing them, again and again, he simply couldn't find the strength inside himself to let them touch his heart.
Anna Croft's betrayal in his second turn also steadied this decision. There was simply too much at risk for him than to put his trust in people who would either die or betray him.
They cleared the scenarios together, but he successfully shut off his heart from the world. At some point, he saw the people as pawns for him to use. Useless ones died way too early that he never bothered remembering who they were. The companions by his side, if they died, he simply lamented of losing a useful tool.
Since when he regressed, everything was set back to the beginning. There was no point in him to lament over people who wouldn't remember their deaths.
In the end, even with people walking by his side, the loneliness of a regressor kept gnawing on his sanity. And he doubted this kind of life would ever change for the better. He inherited his previous life's experiences, skills and memories. To do better next time. The people by his side simply couldn't keep up with such a person.
After becoming an outer god and watching the scenarios himself, he still hadn't found a place of rest. The final wall which kept him trapped didn't allow any way out. He needed a key to open it but had no idea how or where to get it from.
The next thousands of years, he kept wandering the worldlines. Time lost any meaning to him. Yoo Joonghyuk wouldn't age or die as an outer god. Yet this also meant an endless journey with no destination.
He alienated himself even further from his other half he'd lost during the 1863th turn. To a point where they appeared like two separate people.
His name Yoo Joonghyuk became like a shackle. Keeping him prisoner in this always repeating world and losing its meaning. It wasn't like there was a person left to call him by name. He was just a wandering ghost with no past or future.
So in the end, he stripped himself of that identity.
The Secretive Plotter.
King of the outer gods. Feared by Star Stream. An existence who wasn't known by anyone and who could move freely from world to world.
As he looked at his other half from the 1863th turn, he couldn't help but frown.
A fool.
This is what he called him. A man who'd lived over 1864 times and dreamt of a fairytale a random man clad in a white coat told him.
As if there is such a world , he mocked.
Despite his ridiculing thoughts, he followed his disappearing back. He chased this fool through countless worldlines. Trying to grab him.
Don't go. Come back to me.
But he just snatched the white coat that man lent to him until disappearing from his sight. It was as if even this grand universe wanted to ridicule him. The white coat in his grasp had cooled down when he became aware of his failure. It would become his coat to wear when he finally found that mysterious worldline.
He'd collected enough thoughts to ridicule this fool who ran off. To remind him that there was simply not such a regression turn where things went differently. Yoo Joonghyuk was destined to suffer and die in despair.
Nothing of his words were ever voiced out when he finally laid his eyes on this world.
This isn't the 3rd regression I remember.
He just wanted to check on his other half. To see him fail and fail again like he once did. Watch him die in vain while cursing this unjust world. Even with some unexpected variables appearing, there was simply no way that he could succeed.
As he kept watching this worldline, these thoughts were soon pushed in the farthest corner of his mind. He recognized tactics he'd used in earlier regression turns. When his memory failed him, he would ask the kkomas for confirmation.
So it is like that.
Incarnation Kim Dokja.
His face was obscured so he wasn't sure what he looked like. All he knew was that he knew the future by unknown means. He cleared the scenarios with a speed and accuracy Yoo Joonghyuk couldn't reach in over a thousand turns.
The scenarios changed from what he remembered. Easy tasks turned difficult and the more challenging grew complicated. What caught his attention was the way Kim Dokja cleared them. It awfully resembled one specific turn.
His eyes fell on the kkoma with the number 999 written on his tiny shirt who watched the streams regularly with him. Even if none of them spoke it aloud, their thoughts were similar.
Kim Dokja won again and again, the most stunning thing - none of his comtrades died.
Everyone was alive and kept walking by his side. They didn't have to grieve their companion's death (if he didn't count the many times this fool sacrificed himself). But his death wasn't permanent. His companions learned of this fact too very soon. They got used to it. The thought alone irked him.
Even after dying countless times, this fool kept chasing the impossible and surprisingly, he succeeded. He wasn't this surprised for a very long time. There were days when he dealt with the outer gods, his thoughts would linger at that certain round.
Did Kim Dokja die again? How are the scenarios progressing?
Even if the kkomas kept watching and reporting to him daily, it became a lingering thought in his mind. For the first time since he could remember, he started to care again. Whenever that fool died for his comrades, he became restless. When Yoo Joonghyuk made things complicated for him, he got furious.
Watching these two arguing, fighting alongside each other while protecting their backs - the more he watched, the more he yearned.
Why?
He would send the kkomas to take over some of his tasks, just to watch the Star Stream himself. All of his attention was focussed on the white cloaked man. Who took care of his other half as if this was the most natural action in the world.
Protecting his mind, his life, his heart, his will to keep going on.
Everything he failed to take care of when it was him walking on this path. A lonely traveler who had long since forgotten about his worth. Who lost his sense of direction on which path to take in this life.
With the simplest actions, Kim Dokja protected Yoo Joonghyuk and his companions. He was an angel, demon and god in one person. People loved and admired as they hated him.
Yet this fool kept throwing away his life despite that everyone's lives were already connected to his. Whenever he died, they would lose their heads. The company broke apart so fast it felt like all the time they spent together meant nothing. For them always relying on Kim Dokja's strategy, they lost the ability to live for themselves. After watching this repeating several times, his mood gradually worsened.
They don't value him enough.
As he kept watching, his heart which became unresponsive after countless years of endless suffering, stirred. It started with a weak pull which he could easily ignore. Later, it went to an uncomfortable ache. He just frowned but didn't think about it too much. When the pain grew worse as he watched Kim Dokja die once again, he had enough.
There was no way for him to brush it off any longer. Not when he kept watching this certain turn much longer than before while neglecting his work as the king of the outer gods. It couldn't go on like that.
So he waited.
For the moment he could incarnate into the scenario. To hold onto this fool who kept slipping through his fingers. By now, his other half wasn't the only fool.
But even with his interference, he couldn't take much part in this turn. He was forced to watch them reach the end of the scenarios while he stood on the sidelines, peeking onto them like the constellations he hated so much.
If there was one word to describe himself, it was 'hypocrite'.
He failed to get Kim Dokja to stay by his side as an outer god. He failed to beat him and Yoo Joonghyuk as they joined forces to fend him off. So all that was left for him to do was ending this foolish dream.
As he struggled to protect Kim Dokja from the 999th turn's Uriel, he remembered that one question Kim Dokja asked him a long time ago.
"Yoo Joonghyuk, could you keep the things you wanted to protect?"
When the heat of Uriel's Hell Flames drew close, he could finally find the answer. One that belonged only to him. Not that fool who had long since forgotten about that meeting.
"Yes."
Since there was one person who made him remember what it means to have someone precious.
They may not have travelled together, but to him, Kim Dokja already felt like his companion. A man he yearned to have met much earlier. To travel by his side instead of just watching from afar. Yet in the end, it was his other half who didn't give in to despair and got this chance.
But why?
He swiftly pierced his heart and watched the little dumpling calling out to him. Even in this vulnerable form he cared for others more than his own life. He couldn't help but laugh.
It was strange to see Kim Dokja lose his composure for his well-being only with his death approaching. As the usual course of regression descended upon him, a silent thought was heard inside his heart before it stopped forever.
Why wasn't it me?
The sensation of waking up in the very same subway train after so many years stirred a side of himself he'd thought to have lost in his dissociation. Passengers he'd killed so many times stared fearfully at the dokkaebi who kept explaining the situation to them. Some people argued while others were confused.
Like a play he'd watched too often, where the same actors uttered familiar lines. Again and again. It was so sickening. The man with his bomb in the carriage was also the same one. During his third turn, he'd killed everyone by using this bomb.
The fury of Anna Croft's betrayal had followed him to this life. Maybe he wanted to just go forward to the next scenario. To become stronger and not repeat the same mistake in trusting others. Or express his endless fury in this manslaughter since the person his rage was directed to was long since out of his reach.
It was a similar situation now. Only that he wouldn't rely on the bomb. He grabbed for his sword. Watching how some people close to him eyed him curiously. None of them had adapted to this new world yet and were stuck inside their confusion. They wouldn't even realize their death.
Another cursing life where he was the puppet of the most ancient dream.
Another life of loneliness and deep regret.
The grip around his sword handle tightened. Just like during his last moments before his regression, raging emotions clutched his heart. Tearing and gnawing at his sanity. Pulling him out of his numbness.
There is no way out of this hell.
He didn't realize that he'd moved as blood splattered around him. Like red fountains it kept pouring down on him as people screamed.
Only a wall at the end I cannot overcome.
Some ran into the furthest part of the compartment. Hiding in corners with fingers folded in prayer.
A smile stretched over his face as he moved again.
What do you pray for in this godless world?
Another life was lost as he pulled his blade out, shaking the blood off without looking back. His gaze fell on a woman who was cowering in a corner with a younger boy she hugged close to her chest. Her eyes were filled with tears as she stared him down.
He killed her often enough to know that the boy in her arms was her brother. She would always try to protect him but in the end both would die in front of his blade. As he raised his sword, he saw himself hugging his dead sister.
It made him halt for a moment.
The woman caught onto his hesitation as she put her brother behind her back before she grabbed for his sword. She tried to take it from his grasp in a desperate attempt of survival.
However, like every turn before, she met her end with his appearance.
He cut her down, his hesitation from earlier gone. The brother followed before he even knew of his sister's passing.
The cries and pleas around him died down. He put his sword back in its sheath. In the corner of his eyes, the dokkaebi Bihyung was watching him with a wide grin.
"Isn't here a funny guy, dear constellations?"
He truly had become an actor on this cursed stage once again. There was no point in him trying clearing the scenarios if he couldn't overcome the final wall. If only he had-
A shudder ran through his body as he remembered.
Kim Dokja.
There was one variable that happened in this deranged turn. If he appeared in the 1864th turn-
He snapped his head towards compartment 3708.
Could it be?
It was the compartment where he picked up his companions. Lee Hyunsung and Kim Naewon. They followed him through all of his lifetimes. Only in that one regression turn where Kim Dokja appeared, a change happened. Kim Naewon never made it past the first scenario while Lee Hyunsung followed Kim Dokja. Everything changed and with it the Plotter as he watched them.
If there is a possibility-
The door blocking him from this very question wasn't a big hindrance. With transmission he easily restored his previous strength and tore down the door as soon as the scenario ended. He wouldn't wait until they escaped from this compartment and risk missing this chance.
His breath hitched in his throat as he looked at the survivors staring back at him with wide eyes. Among the five, he spotted the man and felt like time around him froze. Just like during his last moments, he tried to imprint the man's face in his head.
He was once again hidden away by the shadow obscuring his facial features which made him sure-
It is him.
He took one step closer, not missing the others flinching. With all the blood coating his body, he must look like a man who crawled out from hell.
The woman close to Kim Dokja unconsciously inched closer to him while Lee Hyunsung straightened his face (or tried but failed to hide his fear). Only a fool would think of Yoo Joonghyuk as a mere survivor.
Yet nothing of this mattered as he approached the frightened people.
Kim Dokja is in this worldline.
His hand stretched out towards one man who shook the hardest. He knew of Yoo Joonghyuk's life so he knew of what he was capable of. With the memories from his previous turn, he could picture the thoughts that must be running through Kim Dokja's head. Since now he was among those who didn't keep their memories.
As he wrapped his arms around the man who tried to evade him by stepping back and pressed him close against his firm chest, he swore to never let go of this person ever again.
"Finally, finally…"
His whispers reached Kim Dokja who was literally frozen as he buried his face into his neck. Inhaling his scent to confirm once again he wasn't hugging a ghost but a living and breathing person in his arms.
Kim Dokja struggled to put on his usual poker face to hide his uncertainty.
What regression turn is this?
There was no regression he was aware of where Yoo Joonghyuk acted this way. In fact, he couldn't remember where he acted this emotional with his companions right after he regressed. If there was one emotion present at that time, it would be deep bitterness.
As he tried to look at the man who hugged him like his life depended on this simple action, he wondered.
Just what happened to him to act this way?
For now, he could guess that Yoo Joonghyuk wouldn't harm him. Heck, he was ready to escape from this damn subway train before the regressor emerged by just knowing how a meeting would end. But Yoo Joonghyuk beat him to it and held him this close. As if he was some precious treasure he'd found after a long and tiring search.
His thoughts were in disarray as he felt the firm chest pressing against him. A reminder of the many lives this man led before Ways of Survival merged with his reality.
In a weak attempt of escaping this extremely painful hug, Kim Dokja awkwardly patted the man's back. He'd seen other people do this to comfort someone so he hoped it would work on this guy. Yet in contrary to his wishes, a violent shudder went through Yoo Joonghyuk's body as if the mere touch of his hands burned him. But instead of a sword in his abdomen, the man tightened his hug and made it hard for Kim Dokja to breath.
Even with the urgency of them leaving the compartment before the next scenario started, the man refused to let go of him. As despair settled in Kim Dokja's bones, he was suddenly swept off his feet and held inside Yoo Joonghyuk's strong arms. When meeting his dark eyes, Kim Dokja saw a gaze he couldn't quite decipher.
Yoo Joonghyuk looked at the other people around as if he just became aware of their existence.
"You guys, follow me."
Without expecting an answer, he swiftly kicked open the door leading outside. There was no time to waste. The others followed as they were still in the dark on what was going on in this world. Only Yoo Joonghyuk knew of their potential as they progressed through the scenarios.
He swiftly crossed the bridge while assuring that the others ran fast by the glare he sent them which worked wonders. Even the guy who looked close from collapsing suddenly turned into an athlete under Yoo Joonghyuk's hard stare.
Only Kim Dokja got the chance to revere in the luxury of being carried by him (even if he didn't show any of such happiness as he literally clinged to his shoulders in fright by his extreme speed).
Kim Dokja's eyes reflected his confusion about Yoo Joonghyuk's unusual behavior. As the dokkaebi Bihyung finally noticed their escape, the party members had already safely crossed the bridge. His eyes narrowed on Yoo Joonghyuk who stared back, still holding onto Kim Dokja.
The real challenges would start when they progressed through the scenarios. As he carried Kim Dokja towards the station where the next scenario awaited them, he saw the sun setting in the far off distance.
This life will be different.
With his and Kim Dokja's information combined, there was nothing standing in their way of clearing the scenarios. He would assure that no harm comes towards Kim Dokja. Never again would he watch how he died as a sacrifice. No, this man's life weighed way too much as if he could let that happen ever again.
Knowing Kim Dokja, they would argue about this topic in the future. However, for once, he didn't mind.
This life, Kim Dokja is with me.
He would make this the perfect regression turn. A turn where he was the one with Kim Dokja as a companion. No longer watching from afar as a mere spectator in the skies. As he looked down at the man in his arms, his lips turned upwards.
Yoo Joonghyuk would never let go of Kim Dokja ever again.