Chapter Text
That day came suddenly.
Just as his office was progressing unusually well, a letter from Mao Mao was delivered.
Unusual. That girl wasn't a good correspondent.
She wouldn’t respond to any letters from here unless it was about something important, an invitation to drink, or herbal medicine. Even if she did, she would be curt in her reply.
And more importantly, he rarely got a letter from Mao Mao.
But it was always a pleasure to receive a letter from someone you like, so he opened it excitedly.
"Hmm…"
This was also unusual.
"I need to talk to you, so make time for me today," was briefly written.
What kind of turn of events was this? No matter how much Mao Mao said that she doesn’t mind it, she drew a line between being the Imperial Brother and a court lady.
And yet, she wanted to come and see him of her own accord, which was something she had never done before.
"Ma Mei, take care of this."
"Yes. Certainly."
The office operated smoothly. He wrote a letter stating that things were fine.
What was the talk? Whatever it was, it was nice to be invited from that side. Let's have a good drink on hand.
And no matter how well things were going, he couldn't stand it if an irregular job came along. He gripped his brush to get it done as quickly as possible.
A few moments later, he received a reply from Mao Mao that she was going to the palace after work, and he threw himself more and more into his duties.
◇ ◇ ◇
"Jin Shi-sama, I apologize for my suddenness."
Jin Shi’s face broke into a smile as Mao Mao walked in with her hands clasped.
It wasn’t that they hadn’t met for that long, but the thought of meeting at Mao Mao’s offer made him happy by itself.
"Don’t be afraid."
"…That can’t be the case."
"It’s just Sui Ren and a bodyguard. Don't worry about it."
"…Yes."
"I got some good liquor. Let’s get you a drink."
"……Jin Shi-sama."
"What is it?"
"I need to talk to you about something important."
"Yes, that's what the letter was originally about," he remembered. He reflected on the fact that he'd been a bit buoyant.
"Ah yeah, it was in the letter. Let's have a drink first."
"No, before that."
Even though she smelled the liquor, Mao Mao's tone of voice didn't change. He tried to ask her what was wrong, but she kept her gaze downward and her face hidden by her sleeve. Normally, if she smelled alcohol, her eyes would shine brightly and she would come over to him, but this was not the case. There was something wrong with her. He finally noticed that.
It wasn't a good sign that something unusual was happening in the first place.
"Mao Mao, what’s going on?"
"……… Jin Shi-sama—"
Mao Mao took a deep breath to calm herself down and let out a long, "Pheeeew," breath.
"…I have decided to resign from my position as a medical officer-attached court lady."
"…Wha–"
The words did not come out well.
A medical officer-attached court lady, he knew that her duties were busier than the work of any other court lady.
But for Mao Mao, he felt it was her calling. She would have been happy to learn about compounding and medicine from the Imperial Court’s medical officers. She would have been glad to be able to obey the teachings of her revered Ruo Men.
"…What's up with you?"
Mao Mao wouldn't do anything half-heartedly.
She wouldn't do this without a reason.
"Nothing."
"Did something happen in the Hanamachi?"
"No."
"Is there a problem at the medical office?"
"Wrong."
"You wouldn't quit for nothing, would you?"
"………"
"Mao Mao."
"……I’ve decided to leave Kaou Province."
Mao Mao replied after a little hesitation.
"What do you mean by that?"
"My apologies."
He didn't want to hear an apology.
"Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"I understand."
"Does this mean you're not coming back?"
Quitting to leave Kaou Province could be seen as synonymous with not coming back. If she was willing to come back, she should be willing to take an extended leave of absence, and she would readily give a reason for it.
"I have no intention of coming back."
"Why are you leaving?"
"……My apologies."
His frustration with Mao Mao, who repeatedly apologized for not answering what he wanted to hear, grew.
"I…" "said I would take you as my wife."
"My—" "stomach wound, what are you doing about it?"
He swallowed the words that were one sun (3 cm) away from coming out of his throat.
He felt that if he said it, something would break.
"Mao Mao, what happened?"
"……It’s not something for Jin Shi-sama to worry about."
So that meant she didn't want to talk about it.
'Not something to worry about.’
In other words, there was 'something'.
Mao Mao wasn’t so good at lying. Because she was aware of this, she didn't talk about it. That was why she couldn't talk about it.
Once this happened, he had no choice but to use the last resort.
The truth was, he didn't want to use it. No matter what, he wasn't going to use this against Mao Mao.
But what was happening with Mao Mao? He wanted to find out the truth and do something about the trouble she was in. He had the power to do so.
He closed his eyes and took one breath, then turned his eyes firmly to Mao Mao.
"Medical Officer-attached Court Lady Mao Mao. This is an order. Tell 'me’ exactly what happened to you."
As the Imperial Brother, when he said that, Mao Mao's body jolted.
"……I can't tell you."
"…You will have to be punished."
"……By all means."
Mao Mao's pale face, which had not broken from her clasped position, still could not be observed.
Until now, she had moved with every troublesome order as if there was no helping it.
When it came to punishment, she was the kind of girl who would irreverently say something along the lines of, "Poisoning, please."
Something was definitely wrong with her. What was going on behind the scenes without his knowledge?
"You just can't tell me."
"Yes."
Could this Mao Mao, who answered nonchalantly without even a glance at him, really be Mao Mao?
Recently, by reading her expressions, he’d been able to know what she was thinking.
However, he didn't know what Mao Mao was planning or what she was thinking. He couldn't read her.
"Why—"
"My apologies."
"Why, Mao Mao."
"…… I can’t say."
"Mao Mao."
"………"
He could barely tell that she was hiding something. That was all.
"Am I really that unreliable?"
"………"
Was that the extent of it for Mao Mao?
"………"
"You’re not telling me anything."
"…My apologies."
"Pfft," self-mocking laughter escaped him.
He must have built their long-standing relationship of mutual trust by himself since she wouldn’t tell him what was hidden.
He thought he had built that much. Ridiculous pride. It was a stupid mistake.
"I guess I was just the Imperial Brother to Mao Mao, and she was just obeying me. That's the extent of it.
That's why she doesn't talk about important things like this. No, then she would follow orders. I don't get it. I don't know what's real anymore."
"……I get it."
"My apologies."
"It’s fine, don’t worry. Thanks for everything so far. Let's forgo the punishment."
"Thank you for your generosity, Prince of the Moon."
Another big line was drawn between him and Mao Mao.
"Stop, don't treat me like such a stranger."
He didn't want to be called by Mao Mao with such a tokenized nickname as "Prince of the Moon".
But he had to accept that. He had to accept the path that Mao Mao decided for herself.
"…Uhm, you’ve treated me well."
"No, I should be saying, thank you very much."
"Take care."
"You too, Prince of the Moon."
Mao Mao left.
A shiver ran down his spine as he watched her back get smaller and smaller.
"Ma–…"
The words went out unintentionally, and he kept his mouth shut.
The determination that had been put in place shouldn't be wasted.
Honestly, he wanted to hold her back. He wanted to catch her, hold her, and lock her in his room until she told him what had happened. But that wasn't going to happen. He didn't want Mao Mao to hate him to the very end.
Mao Mao heard Jin Shi's voice and reacted with a momentary twitch, but left the room without further ado.
His throat was burning and sore. Heat gathered in his eyes and his surroundings were becoming a blur.
He realized he was crying by the feel of water running down his cheeks.
Why did this happen?
Did something happen to Mao Mao?
Couldn't he help her?
His chest tightened with the questions that boiled up and overflowed and his thoughts about Mao Mao.