Work Text:
He always found himself on the observation deck. Somehow, some way, he always found himself back here. Staring out at the stars while the rest of the castle slept on. It was funny really, he used to look at these stars from earth, stared longingly at them when his younger self couldn’t sleep. Now here he was, living among them, staring on.
It was a comfort really, and at the same time not at all. He could get lost in his thoughts, but be reminded of how far from home and how alone he felt out here. It really was a double edged sword. But he kept coming back.
Unable to tear his eyes from the glass, he watched as light filled in from the hallway, someone walking into the room. He knew exactly who. Even if he didn’t hear the characteristically quiet footsteps, or see the red jacket in the reflection.
Keith.
He’d always find him here, missing from the bed they now shared in the middle of the night. Whether it be insomnia or a nightmare, Keith could always count on finding his boyfriend (but not really boyfriend, they really hadn’t put a label on it yet) gazing at the stars.
“Lan-”
“You’re leaving again, aren’t you?” Lance cut him off. Keith took a sharp inhale at his words, but Lance couldn’t bring himself to care. Ever since Shiro had come back, the real Shiro, and Keith had gotten more and more busy with the Blade, Lance knew. Knew he’d leave, knew he’d find one reason or another to go back to “his people,” and it hurt.
His chest hurt, because Keith wasn’t just leaving the team.
He was choosing to leave him.
“I-I haven’t decided yet, but Kolivan-”
“Cut the shit Keith,” Lance knew his tone came out a bit too harsh, he was angry and hurt, but he didn’t want to hurt Keith. He’d never want to do that. “We both know that the second they find a mission for you, you’ll jump on the opportunity.”
“Lance, where is this coming from?” Keith hadn’t moved from his spot a few feet behind Lance.
Where was this coming from? Why did this plague Lance’s every waking moment, every thought. Imagining waking up to an empty bed again, the training room being scarcely used except by Shiro and for team training. Keith’s seat at the dining table empty, and that stupid bickering they do no longer filling the halls.
He knew what Keith leaving looked like, what it felt like. And he hated it.
“You’ve been pulling away from the team again, from me again...rivals aren’t rivals if one of them is gone, you know.”
Keith didn’t answer. It had been a while since Lance had brought up that stupid one sided rivalry, he still didn’t even know where it came from, but he could tell that something was wrong. Lance was really hurting.
But he couldn’t lie to him. Kolivan had mentioned that there were quite a few missions waiting for him when he was to return, and now that things in the castle with Shiro and everything was settled, it seemed as good of a time as ever to go back.
He just couldn’t wrap his head around why Lance was so bothered by it.
“You were the one who told me to go in the first place.”
He didn’t miss the way lance sniffled before he scoffed, had he been crying?
“You wanted to find your mom, Keith, who am I to keep you from that?”
“...I have a universe to save.”
“WE have a universe to save,” Lance emphasized, turning around. Oh yeah, if his watery eyes were anything to go by, Lance had definitely been crying. It made Keith’s heart shatter. He had done this, he was the reason Lance was up at 3 in the morning, crying by himself. “We may not be some awesome super secret ninja group, but Keith, we’re still the defenders of the universe, or whatever Allura has been on about since we got sucked into this god forsaken war.”
Keith didn’t respond for a while, his eyes unable to gaze upon the tear stained cheeks of the boy that he loved more than anything in this universe. If he did, he’d never leave again. He’d do anything to stop those tears, he thought he would be the person to stop those tears, but he was the reason for them.
If he'd just have left, what would have happened? If Lance felt this deeply about him leaving, then what must it have been like while he was gone? He didn’t want to think about that.
But he couldn’t not think about that, he owed it to Lance didn’t he?
There was only one truth that rang true in his mind, however. No matter how much he wanted to stay, to hold Lance close and never let him go. To promise that he would never leave again.
“They need me.”
“WE NEED YOU!” Keith jumped at Lance’s outburst. He watched as it seemed Lance deflated, the anger still present but reeled in. “I need you.” he spoke, so softly, if Keith hadn’t been watching his lips he wouldn’t have known he had even spoken.
“...I’m sorry Lance.”
It was stupid really, that that was the best he could come up with. But he was, he really was sorry.
“Sorry for leaving? Or sorry that you make me miss you? God, Keith do you even know what it was like while you were gone? It was hell. I thought we had finally got somewhere. That maybe we really were a good team-”
“We are a good team.”
“Then why are you leaving? So much shit happened while you were gone, to you and the team. What if something else happens? What if the next time you fly out of that hangar, you don’t come back? DId you ever think about that?”
“Of course I have Lance! Especially when I was here, piloting Voltron. This is war, some people don’t survive. We move on.”
“Move on? Or forget?”
“Lance, what are you even talking about? Come on, let's just go to bed and we can talk about this in the morning when we have clear heads.”
He made a move to reach for Lance’s hand, but Lance yanked it away. Keith stared at him with wide eyes.
New tears threatened to spill from Lance’s eyes, and he was tired of holding them back. He hadn’t let himself cry in a while, and now that it had started, it seemed like he couldn’t stop. Everything just kept piling up and he just couldn't deal with it.
Instead he looked Keith right in the eyes, sad violet ones full of guilt met watery sapphires.
“I died Keith, and you didn’t even know because you weren’t here.”
He saw rather than heard Keith’s sharp gasp, even in the dark of the observation deck.
“Lance, what do you mean you died?”
“...on a mission. We had to fix these plates so that they could produce a shield to protect this glara base from solar radiation.” Lance took a deep breath. “Allura and I were fusing a shattered plate together while Shiro and Pidge were working on getting the power back up. Pidge said she needed Shiro’s arm to power it....I don’t know all of what happened but something happened to Shiro that caused him to take his hand off of the power source. It caused the plate to short circuit and this beam of electricity came towards Allura. I didn’t even think about it I just-”
“You pushed her out of the way didn’t you?” Keith’s voice was broken, knowing all too well that no, this wasn’t a joke. Lance would sacrifice himself for his family in a heartbeat, and it made him feel a little guilty for his own self sacrificing tendencies. He’d sacrifice himself to win a battle, Lance would to save his friends.
Lance nodded at Keith’s revelation, making Keith somehow feel even worse. He seemed to shrink in on himself as the realization kicked in. Lance was right, Keith had been in the Quantum abyss when this was all going down, he knew of the mission, but no one had told him what happened to Lance. Was it possible that the rest of the team were just as in the dark as he was?
“Allura revived me, but Keith, I was dead. Like only magic could bring me back kind of dead. One second I was here and the next I just... I didn’t exist.”
“...Lance -I - I’m so sorry. I-”
“You didn’t know, but Keith that’s exactly what I’m talking about. If I hadn’t have told you, you wouldn’t have known. Because you weren’t there. You weren’t here when we needed you, and now that we need you more than ever, you’re planning on leaving again.”
The team didn’t just need him, Lance needed him. Keith knew it, had never seen it more clear. Forget the team, forget the universe, forget voltron. Lance needed him. Always had, and he had just walked away from that. Had left Lance to deal with everything on his own without a second thought. His right hand man, the man he loves. He had literally left Lance to die for a mission that cost himself years.
How could he have been so fucking stupid?
Without a second thought, Keith filled the gap between himself and his boyfriend. Wrapping his arms around the taller one, pulling him close.
It took a bit before Lance was able to reciprocate the gesture, but when he did, Keith let out a breath he hadn’t even known he had been holding.
He felt Lance sniffle against his shoulder.
“I know it's selfish of me to even think I could ask you of this.”
“Then be selfish, Lance. For once in your life. You risk everything for the universe, I think you’ve more than earned the right to be selfish.”
Lance pulled Keith closer, his tears wetting the cloth of Keith’s jacket.
“...stay.”
“For you, of course.”