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How Atsumu's shoulders started to tremble, him hiding his face against his arms, and the soft gurgle of his throat trying to breathe, were all Sakusa could focus.
For a moment, he remembered when a girl in preschool cried herself to Sakusa's shoulders, and how uncomfortable he felt. Since then, he had always evaded people's emotions, giving one advice or two, but never offering his shoulder to cry on.
All of that went right out the hotel window. Sakusa moved his body as fast as he could to Atsumu's bed. Atsumu was seated at the edge, his pajamas on, and an ice pack on his foot.
Sakusa's hands were instantly pressing Atsumu's sides gently, caressing his arms to let some of the stress out, and looked for any sign of rejection. But Atsumu held his breath tighter, to only let a soft moan escape his lips, covering his face now between his knees too.
Sakusa did not see it coming, and he felt an idiot for it. He should have noticed the way Atsumu made jokes about his injury, the big smile he sent to his fans, and how low effort he put to the insult to those complaining pricks. Pricks who cursed him for only having an injury in the middle of the game.
He thought Atsumu was going to be okay, just a small foot sprained. He should be recovered two weeks from now.
But, since it was the last set, they lost at the last minute and probably won't go to the next round thanks to that, Atsumu must feel it.
The crushing stress of failure.
Sakusa must have known, aware of how Atsumu was fixed on being perfect and the best version of himself. He's probably cursing his guts, making stupid excuses about how useless he is, as Atsumu usually does when he feels like a loser. Hating himself and some more.
But Sakusa would not have it.
'''Tsumu,'' Sakusa whispered. He made sure his voice was the softest it could be, close to his ears, and softening his touch on Atsumu's skin.
Atsumu denied with his head, and said, ''Don't get near me,'' muffled by his arms.
The distressed noise that came out of him was something Sakusa had never heard of, and the need to hold Atsumu close bloomed on his limbs.
''Sorry, I can't let you jump off the window,'' Sakusa said with fondness.
Atsumu huffed a small snort, ''Would solve yer problems, isn't it?''
''Some, yes. But I would have to pay rent by myself, and that would be a bigger problem.''
''Yer a dick.''
''I know,'' Sakusa responded. His hands traveled down Atsumu's spine, then his shoulders, and ended up in his recently washed hair. He used his fingertips to dig in and try to ease some of the tension in Atsumu's mind, ''I'm sorry.''
Atsumu let out another mixed cry-laugh and moved his head up. Sakusa saw his usually mischievous eyes excluded from any brightness. They were already puffing, his nose was runny and smile painful. He seemed to have a problem breathing, and his lips were trembling while trying to say, ''It's okay, I already know you're a dick, so— .''
Sakusa didn't let him finish and hugged him close to his chest, resting his lips on his forehead, his arms caging him, and letting Atsumu breathe in and out.
''Omi-kun, I— ''
''You did good, Atsumu.''
Atsumu took a big gasp of air and tried to free himself from Sakusa's grip, but Sakusa wouldn't fret.
''What are ya talkin' about? I was a mess out there, I could've— ''
Sakusa hugged him tighter and told him, ''It wasn't a mess, it was good, as you always do. A bad luck sprain isn't a result of your effort, it's just as it is sometimes.''
''It shouldn't have happened to me,'' Atsumu's voice was now noticeably angrier, digging his nails in Sakusa's thighs, Sakusa let him. ''Stop saying nonsense and let's just go to sleep.''
''Atsumu,'' Sakusa pulled him away from his chest, and looked at him eyed leveled, ''Let it out.''
Atsumu frowned and snarled his teeth, but Sakusa saw the threatening tears at the corners of his eyes, ''Stop it,'' Atsumu groaned.
Sakusa sighed, ''No.''
''It's none of your business.''
''You made yourself my business, don't start on this.''
''Just drop it!'' Atsumu's voice got higher, and Sakusa grabbed his sides tighter and not letting him move away, ''I— I— It was obviously my fault, now we lost the game and won't move to the next match, and I— ''
Atsumu broke in another moan, his tears running down freely, his back shivering, and his breathing wet. Sakusa moved him to his chest again, everything in himself yelling to hold Atsumu closer and closer. ''We will lose a lot of games,'' Sakusa responded.
''Yeah, but not this one! We were so close,'' Atsumu's voice was fully stifled, ''If I just would have—''
''It doesn't matter anymore.''
''It does matter to me!''
''Atsumu, it's okay. Just let it out.''
Atsumu looked up to him, biting his bottom lip, trying desperately to not cry. But Sakusa moved a hand to his cheek and rested his lips on his forehead, whispering, ''Just, let it out 'Tsumu.''
That night Atsumu grabbed himself to Sakusa's pajama shirt, crying with no restraint. Sakusa whispered encouraging words while petting his hair, hoping that tomorrow Atsumu would feel more rested and relaxed.
It was the first time Sakusa saw him cry with no restraint. It was the first time Sakusa felt like his world was ending the way he knew it, because his 'Tsumu was helplessly sad.
Luckily, Sakusa hugged him strongly enough so that Atsumu did not shatter to his fears. The night remained as one of the many times Atsumu cried, no shame and no fear to restrain him. Trusting that Sakusa was now going to lend his shoulder every time Atsumu needed to.