Chapter Text
[idk how to put i in the notes, so, here's the Spotify link! <3]
RHODES - Wishes
The door slams behind Harry as he follows Louis out to the front yard towards the dogwood tree. Its flowers falling delicately over the tire swing, swaying in the wind.
“Don’t just- Louis!”
The hairs on Louis’s neck stand, electricity shooting through his body as Harry calls out for him. As if on muscle memory alone, Louis spins around to face Harry. His brain reverts back to a time where the mere thought of Harry whispering his name made him smile in ways he never thought possible.
Harry’s eyes glance down at Louis’ hand clutching his opposite elbow, the closed off posture isn’t new, he knows this, and that’s what makes him keep going. His eyes follow the arm’s length up to the nape of Louis’ neck and up to his hair swaying against the wind as the crisp air brushes his cheeks making them turn mahogany red.
Louis’s eyes lift from the freshly cut grass, damp from this morning’s rain, and land on the most intoxicating eyes he’s ever seen. So calm, so comforting, so overwhelmingly inviting as the crystal green swims next to speaks of gold. The times he’s spent lost within them, he wouldn’t be able to count. Not even with all of the stars in the galaxy.
On contraire to Harry’s eyes, sparkling in the moonlight, spilling out pleading look after look, Louis’ eyes grow distant and tired (although he might give the tiredness to how much time he’s spent traveling).
The soft yellow dim of the street lamp washes over his face melting his skin into honey. A honey so luxuriously heavy, Harry wishes he could drown in it. Just one touch, one innocent touch like so many of them were years before, and he’d be gone. He’d slip under in a matter of seconds and would never wish to come back out.
A breath escapes Harry’s lips as he lets go of the idea.
“Louis…”
Louis shakes his head, the tip of his tongue pressing against the corner of his open lips, his mind far too heavy for anything he says to come off not-pissed. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Louis, it’s not-”
“Did I not deserve to know?” He tries his best to maintain his voice at a level tone, his emotions getting the better of him as his thoughts push against his heart.
“That’s-” Harry sighs out heavily, a hand waving through his short locks. “Will you just listen to me!?”
It’s been far too long since they’ve spent this much time fighting and frankly the last time… Well let’s just say that the last time they argued over something like this, was the last time they argued. Or spoke at all for that matter.
“After everything- why didn’t you just tell me?”
Harry’s about to speak again, give off a quick explanation as to why the information arrived to him, his (ex)best friend, long after it should’ve, but instead he takes a pause to look at the boy- the man in front of him.
Last time, they were just boys. Boys who didn’t know better. Boys who were too terrified to admit what they knew. Boys. But now, standing here, Harry needs a moment. A moment to get his, however suppressed, feelings to now. To present Louis. Not to boy Louis, but to man Louis. A Louis he hasn’t yet gotten to know how he knew the old Louis.
“Because,” His eyes move behind Louis towards the tree. Squirrels running along one of its branches as he studies their movements, one running after the other all around the tree. Ironic, he thinks.
“Well?”
“Because I didn’t want to confuse things between us.”
“Us? What us, Harry? There was never an “us” to begin with.”
Harry shakes his head as an ironic laugh escapes him. Inhaling sharply, he steps closer with every word Louis throws at him. Because, really, that’s what he’s doing, just throwing words against the wind, hoping one will stick.
“How do you expect or want there to be an “us” when I can’t even trust you?” Harry switches his gaze from eye to eye as they exchange a fleeting flicker.
His heart drums in his ears as he drops his head in question. “You don’t trust me?”
Louis feels the cold blade of a rusty knife run against his skin, as Harry’s lips pull into a small frown, you don’t trust me? It glides its tip along his chest with constant pressure as an empty weight drops in his stomach.
There’s a pained tone in Harry’s voice Louis has always detested. He promised himself he’d never hear it again, never cause it again. He promised himself to never be the one in charge of wrapping around Harry’s heart and squeezing until it gave out. He did everything in his power to make sure that that hurt octave would never reach his ears again. But suddenly, it feels like it was just yesterday when he was running from Harry with that promise in mind, twisting the knife one last time so that he’d never do it again. Or, so he thought.
Now hangs the same heavy silence Louis used to let linger as Harry waited for answers. History repeats itself time and time again, as Louis lets the silence between them linger. Linger like it did whenever Harry waited for answers, waited for any sign from Louis, waited and waited, never ceasing to make Louis feel the same delicate cut bleed open as if fresh.
His eyes hurt at the frown upon Harry’s lips as he rushes out whatever’s at the tip of his tongue in an apologetic tone.
“I do trust you, H, of course I do.” There’s no one I trust or will ever trust more. Harry’s brows furrow as Louis steps back in explanation. And as always, Harry’s steps follow Louis, the never ending chase. “I trust you enough to let go of everything and get myself in a world of pain.” Years parted not knowing if they’d ever return to each other dance in front of them as Harry’s eyes blink at the words. I’ve avoided that pain for me but most importantly, I’ve avoided it for you.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” His breath catches in his throat as he feels Harry’s eyes peer into him. Peer into every crevice they can reach, which as far as he can tell, is all of them. “Do you resent me that much?”
Harry stops right in front of him as Louis stops in his tracks, his fingers aching to reach out and touch Louis’ as they hide beneath his sweater. How he wishes one trace of his fingers would make it all go away. One brush of the lips to make the noise die down. A single breath to bring him home.
“I don’t resent you. Louis-”
“Harry, you’re engaged!”
All of this time and he didn’t even have the decency to tell me to my face. No one did! “Oh, Louis, welcome home. By the way, your best friend is engaged and he didn’t even bother to tell you! He’s someone else’s now! Isn’t that just spit on your neck, kick you in the crotch fantastic?” Seriously, a text would’ve been fine. I’ve been back for two days, for how much longer was he not going to tell me?
Harry immediately takes a defensive stance as his eyes grow sharp and fiery.
“I’m not engaged!”
Louis blinks back at the statement, Harry’s words getting lost within his own thoughts.
As he sees it. An engagement is a big deal. Big enough to tell your best friend. Yeah, okay, so maybe it’s been a while since they’ve been best friends. Or just fiends. Or had an actual conversation- but he still deserved to know.
Harry smoothens his hands down Louis’ shoulders all the way down to his wrists. “Listen to me, okay?” He tugs slightly, getting Louis’ eyes to focus on his own, his voice back to its husky calm. “I am not engaged. Daniel did propose to me a while back. I said no.”
Both standing there in silence, Harry’s mind pleads over and over again.
Listen to me. “I am not engaged.” Don’t shut me out. Not ever again “I told him that I was done.” He smiles as he tucks a hair behind Louis’ ear. “I told him that he deserved someone who truly loves him.” Listen to me.
Louis’ eyes run over every detail of Harry’s face, every freckle, every mark, every perfect imperfection. “If you didn’t love him, then why were you with him?”
It’s a valid question. Harry and Dean have- had been dating for a while. Harry’s words make no sense compared to how close Louis has seen them be over the years. All smiles and cuddles on the couch as Louis glanced at them, his blood rising, but not that he would ever admit it.
Harry smiles again, taking a step back to look up at the night sky. There’s something about the way that the stars sparkle that has always reminded him of Louis. Whenever he misses him, he looks up and even though it’s not much comfort, the stars smile back at him and the pain grows a tiny bit lighter if only for a second.
It’s ridiculous, he thinks now. There’s no comparison beautiful enough for Louis Tomlinson. Not even the stars themselves.
The moon beaming with hope, stars twinkling in doubt, a sky vibrantly open with possibility, his smile widens as he looks back down at Louis. Louis whom he’s missed far too much.
You’re really going to make me spell it out for you? He sighs mid grin. “You’re not listening to me. God, this going to sound awful- He was sort of my consolation prize.” Louis arches an eyebrow making Harry sniffle a laugh. “You know, the prize a kid gets when he loses a game at the fair, the one they give him when he can’t get the prize he really wanted.”
Not the best analogy he, an English professor, could’ve come up with but it’s the one he’s apparently using.
The brisk night air blows through their hair, eyes locked as moonlight overflows their eyes, their hearts beating in sync. “It sounds awful I know. Being with someone just out of sheer fear of being alone… I did love him, but not the way he wanted or needed me to...” I wasn’t in love with him. “Does that make sense?”
Harry looks down at Louis’ lips as he parts them to break the silence. There they are, he thinks. The lips he’s gazed upon so many times. For years and years, he’s admired those lips, studied them, ached for them, envied them for always being so close to Louis. The same lips that broke his heart. The same lips that moved away and took him with them. The pair of lips he adores more than the sun adores heat. The same lips that stand before him now on the cusp of words as the front door slowly swings open.
“Louis,” A beautiful blond girl pokes her head out of the door. She walks over towards them handing Louis the phone. “…mum.”
“Oh. Right.”
He looks towards Harry who nods slightly as Louis takes the phone and walks back inside the house, looking over his shoulder twice, every time directly into Harry’s eyes.
The girl raises an eyebrow at Harry as he watches Louis go, yet again. “Everything okay between you two?” She sways on the heels of her feet.
“He just- you know…” He smiles, more to himself than to the her, but nevertheless the smile is bright. “We’ll be fine, Lotts.”
“Yeah, I know you will. You guys…fit? You make sense.” Harry smirks at that.
“So, you know?”
“He hasn’t said anything directly but I had a feeling, and you, my friend, just confirmed said feeling.” She throws him a wink. “You know him as much as I do. Hell, you know him a lot better than I do. He’s my brother and I love him, but you and I both know that he’s slightly, very stubborn.” Harry nods along to that. “Just… don’t let him get away.”
If only it were that easy.
“I’ll do my best.” He looks down at his watch and then back up giving her a weak smile. “Now, you go back inside and behave.” The street light spills through and dances with the lights from the house as he looks through the window leading into the living room. Louis’ back towards Harry, one hand holding the phone up to his ear while the other plays with something in front of him. “I’ll come by to pick you up at five.”
Lottie looks at Louis and then back at Harry, her eyes unsure. “Are you sure we should go? I mean, shouldn’t you talk first or whatever?”
“Are you kidding me? No. We’re good. And dad will have a meltdown if anyone else is absent.” She laughs knowing he’d probably cancel the whole thing if she and Louis were missing. “I’ll be by at five and if you aren’t out by five o two I’m leaving you both here, capiche?”
“Capito.”
Harry glances back into the living room one last time before giving Lottie a tight lipped smile and turning on his heels towards his car.
Feeling the engine roar to life, Louis looks out the window to see Lottie waving a last goodbye at Harry, who’s already driving away into the night. Each second getting farther and farther away from him as the street lights wrap around the car.
The door closes with the turn of a key as the porch light turns off, leaving the front yard empty.
“Five.”
“What?”
“He’ll be by to pick us up at five. And-”
“Let me guess… And if we’re not out by five o two he’ll leave us here.”
Lottie shakes her head and scoffs. “You two really are something, you know?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing…” He lays on the couch next to her. “What did they say?”
“Flight connection’s delayed so they won’t get there until tomorrow night at the earliest.”
“So, the usual…” She brushes a hand through his hair.
“I guess.”
“Except-”
“Except what?”
“You’re here now. You’re home.”
“I’m home.” He nods.
“For how long?”
“For good?”
It’s a clear statement in his mid. He’s home. He isn’t going anywhere. But, for some reason, part of him feels out of place.
“I like having you home.”
He lays his head on Lottie’s lap as she continues to stroke his hair. “Oh come on, I was here all the time.”
“No, you weren’t.” Her hand stops moving as he sits up to face her. “You went away to uni and -you’ve got an amazing career and I’m super proud of you- but you left us. Then you moved in with Philip… You were never really around.
“You called, sure, but you only came for the big things. I’m sorry, it’s selfish I know, but we’ve missed you... I’ve missed you.” Her hand falls into Louis’. “I know that you had a life in New York and that you were happy or whatever- But you also had a life here.” Happy maybe isn’t the best term, but she doesn’t need to know that.
“I know, Lotts. I’ve missed you too.” A knot forms in the back of his throat as the last years flash through him, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. “I’m sorry… I’m back now… I’m home…” The warmth of his body mixes with hers as he presses his lips to her warm forehead and holds her tight.
He gazes out the window. Streetlamps casting a shadow on every surface, the moon bright in the dark night sky as leaves rustle in the wind. The wind, he thinks back. The selfish wind blowing Harry’s scent away from him. The selfish wind dancing on his lips, his eyelashes, the crook of his neck, his fingertips. The selfish wind touching things it doesn’t deserve.
“I’m home.”
And in a sense he’s always been home, because home is where the heart is. Even if the rest of you is thousands of miles away.
~
Rays of sun break through the kitchen curtain as Louis yawns and pours two cups of coffee, a sweet cinnamon scent filling every inch of the kitchen.
“Morning, sleepyhead.”
Lottie walks in and accepts a mug from him, hair tangled, eyes droopy. “Morning.”
She stares at the food set before her, the scent of it all hitting her nostrils as she breathes in deeper. A stack of golden pancakes, two glasses of orange juice, perfectly crisped bacon, creamy scrambled eggs, silky syrup and the most beautiful chocolate chip muffins she’s ever seen. There’s also a bowl of fruit in the middle of the table but she doesn’t give it any attention.
“You- You made breakfast? Jesus, Louis, did you get up at the crack of dawn? Why’d you do this? When mom’s out of town I just have cereal for breakfast. This is amazing! You make these from scratch?” She picks up one of the muffins and starts to bite into it.
“Hey! That’s dessert.” She sets it down. “And yes, I did.”
He looks at her while she gets plates from the cupboard and brings them over to the table where he’s now sitting. She sits across from him fixing him a plate.
“When I was a kid you used to bake when you had something on your mind, everything alright?”
“You’re still a kid.” He teases.
“You know what I mean.” He takes the plate she hands him in one hand and reaches out for her with the other.
“Everything’s fine.”
“You sure? You can tell me. I’ve been told I’m pretty smart for a nineteen-year-old.”
She fixes herself a plate.
“I’m fine, really.” He bites his lip, last night’s words still churning in his head. “It’s just that I haven’t told anyone that I’m back, back.”
“Well, you just quite literally moved back like two days ago. You don’t have to do everything at once. Take it one step at a time. Today maybe tell the people that are here and tomorrow worry about everyone back in New York. Today… just- Just promise me that you’ll forget about everything and just have some fun. That’s what the day is for anyways.”
Louis smiles, filling her with comfort. The same comfort he gave her when she was three and thought there were monsters under her bed. He checked over a dozen times to make sure that her room was completely monster free. Night after night, the monster catcher did his job. Not a single monster caught thank you very much.
It’s the same comforting smile that fills you up with glee, the one that makes you feel like you could fly, the one that makes you believe in every possibility out there. It’s a smile that hides a lot.
She puts up her pinky. “Promise?”
“See, you are still a kid!” He laughs.
“Louis, I’m serious.”
“Fine. Fine. I pinky promise.” They lock pinkies. “Now, finish your breakfast.”
~
“Everyone knows why we’re here,”
A man, mid-fifties, great hair (starting to grey but it’s still great) wearing a grey polo sweater over a white button up shirt, not too classy not to casual, makes a speech in front of ten, maybe fifteen people. They all listen intently as the fair echoes in the background.
Louis stands with his arms wrapped around Lottie in a hug as Harry stands next to them looking at his father make his annual speech. A speech they’ve all got memorized and wish he’d stop boring them with.
“We’ve been coming here every year since we were twenty-year-old kids with nothing better to do. Every year, no matter what, on November third, we meet here at the carnival and spend the day together. Forgetting our problems, forgetting work, forgetting everything.” His voice booms over the crowd as a seagull squawks in the distance. “We come here to enjoy life. Now, this year’s a bit different, isn’t it, Lottie?
“Um… Yeah? Mum and dad aren’t here. They’re visiting our grandfather in London. They might not be back for a while actually…”
Alex smiles fondly at the her. “No, that’s not it. Louis?”
He clears his throat as everyone’s attention turns to him. “I’m back. For good.” He looks at Harry, his lips pursed towards the ground. “Is that it?”
“Indeed it is.”
Louis has been gone for a long time. He always tried to make it to the important moments, but as a surgical resident he couldn’t just drop everything at a moment’s notice. Countless apologies were made year after year to everyone as he missed event after event. But none of that anymore. He’s home.
He nods along, everyone chiming in, saying how glad they are that he’s staying, voices overlapping, words getting lost every which way as Harry smiles at him. Louis bites back the smile forming on his own lips but Harry knows him too well to not know it’s there.
Hug after hug it seems like the entire family was deprived of Louis. Guess absence really does make the heart grow fonder. He tries to ignore Harry and keep interacting with the rest of the family, but damn, who can avoid those eyes?
Louis breaks free from the last hug, Liam pressing a loud kiss to his temple, as he breaks eye contact with Harry. Haz. Damn him and his emerald city eyes. Louis looks back at Alex as he clasps his hands in the air.
“Alright, family, who’s ready to have some fun!?” They all cheer in excitement and walk into the fair. Smaller groups breaking off as they drift to different attractions.
Family. That’s what they are. They met in a foreign exchange program their first year of college. Bonding instantly and never wanting to say goodbye for good. A little backstory on this big, loud, nosey, unconventional, loving family for your reading pleasure:
Sam and Will met in a bookstore one hot summer afternoon. They dated off and on all throughout uni and got married the summer before graduation. Nothing too fancy, a few friends and family in the town church. They eventually moved into Will’s childhood home when his parents passed away, Louis and Lottie coming along some time after (with an eight-year difference). Louis moved to New York a few years back to go to Columbia. Along the way he met Philip, another kind hearted surgical resident and they moved in together after a few months, happy as can be. That is, until a few days ago when he subtlety called saying he was moving back. Lottie, being the youngest of the two, still lives with her loving parents, as a way to save money, and goes to the local university on her way to becoming the next best environmental lawyer.
Alex and Elissa met in freshman year of college and got they married a year after she graduated, Alex being a year older decided it was best to get settled once he’d secured a good job. They have two kids as well, Harry and Gemma. Harry, their youngest, moved out years ago to go to UCLA, graduated with high honors and came back to Seattle. He now lives in his own little apartment in town. It’s right across from a little French bistro which is great when Harry’s up at all hours of the night grading papers or mapping out his lesson plan. Gemma, just two years older than Harry, is now engaged to Chris, a lovely photographer she met at a concert. They live a little outside the city in a big rural house with the cuddliest labradoodle ever known, Roxie.
After having been together for the better part of 20 years and adopting two children, Zayn and Liam, together, Blake and Meredith finally decided to get married. They went down to the courthouse one afternoon and “got it over with” as they’d later defend their actions with when their friends felt “betrayed” and “left out”. Those exact terms were yelled out when the news of the nuptials dropped. They’d met in middle school and at first they hated each other, practically couldn’t be in the same room, but as it turns out they were just madly in love with one another. Very cliché if you ask me.
Lexi and Marcus met at some big company mixer as interns and hit it off right away. It was love at first sight. Again, what a cliché. They never get tired of telling the story of seeing each other across the room and feeling that instant connection, they tell it every chance they get. “Then I saw her.”, “And I saw him.” Louis is pretty sure everyone knows the speech by heart. Once both of their careers had taken off and they felt settled, they had Niall. A little brunette blob with the most magical laugh.
All in all, one big, happy, unconventional family.
“So, you decided to come back and not tell your favorite person in this entire family? I’m not complaining, it just seems a little rude.”
“Horan,” Louis practically jumps on him as he pulls Niall in for a hug and lets go once he spots his wife. “Lisa! I- I didn’t know you were coming! You’re- You’re so big!”
“Thanks for the compliment, Lou.”
“You know what I mean.”
“No, Louis. Whatever do you mean?”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? How long are you staying? How’s my nephew doing in there? Are you hungry? Are you cold? Lisa-”
“Stop! I’m fine. I feel great. Baby’s doing great. We’re staying a couple days, up until the wedding. I’m not hungry, but I will be wanting cotton candy later on, thank you very much.” She pauses for a beat looking intently at Louis, her chocolate brown eyes far too worried for Louis’ comfort. “How are you… with everything? When you told us about Philip- How’re you doing?”
Lisa became part of the group as soon as she and Niall started dating. There was a month back in the 90s where they’d broken up, it was awful. No one knew how to properly act, what to do, what to say. It was a bloody mess. After a few long nights of endless weeping, Louis finally got Niall to call her and they talked things through. Now married and expecting their first child together, they live in LA where she’s a journalist and Niall is the manager for one of the biggest music labels today. Syco records had contacted him a while back, he respectfully declined their offer and thank god he did. The company got heavily sued and went bankrupt a few months later.
Lisa’s strawberry blonde hair falls perfectly on her freckled cheeks as bells and whistles go off in the distance and Louis’ eyes start to wonder.
He looks over his shoulder to where Harry’s shooting hoops with Lottie. His eyes lighting up against the carnival lights. Even from far away Louis can see the purple and pink lights swimming next to the juniper speaks in his eyes and he can’t help but stare in awe.
Harry’s smile beams wide and hopeful as if he knew nothing of this world, as if he were merely a child at a carnival happy as can be. Dimples perfectly imprinted on his smile, his pearly white teeth grinning from ear to ear, he laughs as a siren goes off in their game, indicating that he’s lost. Lottie, now hugging a fairly large stuffed elephant in her arms, high-fives him as Louis laughs to himself and turns his attention back to the couple in front of him.
“I’m fine, Lisa. I feel much better now. That relationship was doomed from the start.”
Oh and how he wishes he could go back. Not just to avoid speaking to Philip and accepting his dinner invitation, no, far, far before that. To a night up in a treehouse, now lost in a hazy memory of tears and guilt.
“I’ve got… other things on my mind. Like being home again.”
Niall and Lisa exchange a look, worry and a tinge of sadness gleaming in the corner of their eyes.
Louis rolls his eyes “I just- I’m fine, really. I already called for job interviews this morning and I’m getting some friends to help me move my things as we speak. So stop with the pity eyes. Seriously.” Their eyes soften making him more and more impatient. I’m fine really. I’m over it. What’s done is done. Let it go.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m fine! I’m moving on.” His voice rises as his arms flail above his head. “Let me move on. Just because he cheated on me doesn’t mean I’m having a quarter life crisis or anything!”
Niall clears his throat, his eyes moving beyond Louis.
“He what?” Harry spits out.
Louis whips his head in his direction, dark green eyes blinking back at him as their gold speaks morph into a crackling campfire. Harry could really use a High Striker right about now. Or a Whack-A-Mole. Or a punching bag. Or Philip as a punching bag.
“I- I just- Um. Well.” He looks back towards Niall and Lisa. Shit. Louis turns back entirely towards Harry with a “Hi…”
“Lottie!” She quickly walks towards Niall as he waves her over. “Why- um… Why don’t we go and, and um, play some games with the guys?”
They swiftly walk towards the bumper cars where Liam and Zayn are standing in line, leaving Harry and Louis behind.
“He what?” His voice is sharp, like the tip of an iceberg and Louis can feel all of its freezing edges press against him.
Standing in the middle of the fair as metal clicks and clanks and lights of all different colors flash, the smell of funnel cake and processed sugar lingers in the air, the breeze blowing through and engulfing everything in it, Harry’s eyes go wide as he waits for some sort of explanation from Louis.
“I- I just- He- Well…” He takes a step away from Harry and starts to walk in the opposite direction, his head down towards his feet. “Can we not talk about it?”
He freezes instantly as Harry reaches out and grabs his arm, the soft touch of his fingers holding Louis in place. He absentmindedly goes to rub Harry’s hand resting on his forearm just as his conscience kicks in and holds him in down.
“The hell we won’t. After all that grieve you gave me yesterday about not telling you something-” Louis looks back at him, Harry’s eyes no longer sparkling, no longer filled with joy or hope. Now, dark and cloudy, somehow hurt. Again. “Why can’t you just talk me?” He stands closer, pulling Louis towards him. Don’t push me away.
“That. It’s that- That look in your eyes.” He pulls away from Harry and starts walking again.
“What- Louis!” He steps in front of him blocking his way. “What look?”
“The same one you’ve had forever, H.” The look that makes me shatter. “The one where you’re looking for something in me and you hate everything you see.” The same look from that night. “Like every time I look into your eyes- Like I drain you of everything good.”
Harry tries to move, tries to throw himself around Louis, make all of his words disappear, make him see that none of that is true. He needs to hold him, he needs to make him feel safe, still his body is frozen in time. His limbs like Greek statues. Not a thing he can do to comfort the one person he cares about the most. Not a thing he can do to show him that he’s wrong. Not a thing he can do to reassure him… to make him see.
At a distance, music booms through a speaker filling the loud silence between them.
Harry swallows as he starts to feel his body become his again. “You know that’s not true.” He runs a hand through his hair as the words burn in his mouth. “You could never- You could never drain me of- Of anything. Never.” He steps closer. “Just talk to me. I know I fucked up with the whole-” Louis lifts his eyes to meet Harry’s, a shiny gloss covering them. “-with the whole situation. And I don’t know how I can make you see how fucking sorry I am. I should’ve said something sooner, I’m sorry.” Don’t shut me out. Not again. “Just talk to me.” Let me back in.
“It’s not about yesterday. I know you’re sorry, and I’m sorry too-”
“No, you don’t have to apologize. I-”
“I do. I had no right to act like that. I’m sorry.”
Harry looks around them, his eyes narrowed floating from children’s laughter to blinding lights to bells ringing happily to music vibrating off of every surface as the scent of food swimming in his lungs.
His eyes soften as he turns back to look at Louis, his cheeks pink, eyes so blue you’d believe they were fake.
“Let’s go.”
“Go? Go where?” He reaches for Louis’ wrist and pulls him through the crowd. “Harry-” He calls out as he grips Harry’s hand tighter, cold fingertips against warm welcoming skin. “We can’t just leave everyone.” He can feel Harry smile at the tightened grip.
“We’re not leaving them. We’ll be back.”
“Have you ever seen a movie? That’s what they all say.”
They climb down the steps of the pier in laughter, salty breeze blowing through their hair. After walking a little further onto the beach, Harry sits once he’s deemed the spot perfect.
“Here? What? Why?”
Jaymes Young - Moondust (Stripped)
“I needed some air.” He motions for Louis to sit next to him, he does so without hesitation. “I couldn’t think in the middle of all that.”
Louis smiles down at his hand resting inches away from Harry’s. You remember the beach.
As the sun starts setting, their bodies lying in the sand, their eyes cast over the waves, Louis moves closer to him and puts his head on Harry’s shoulder. He in turn puts his head on the top of Louis’ as he breathes him in.
“Six months…” Louis breaths out. “He’d been sleeping with some woman from the hospital, radiologist I think, for six months. I think her name was Natalie or something.” He snuggles deeper into Harry’s side as he retails the affair. “I came home one day and there she was… in my bed…on my pillow… tangled in my sheets…” Harry wraps an arm around him.
“Lou…”
“No, it’s fine. I’m okay. Really. I should’ve seen it coming sooner anyways. He was always working late. I think I just didn’t want to believe it at first...” Louis lifts his head off Harry’s shoulder to look at him. “You can say it.”
“Say what?”
“I told you so.”
“Why would I say that?”
“Because a long time ago you said that I always chase people that don’t want me. You said that I don’t know what I’m doing. You said I was going to get hurt. You were right, and I know how much you like to be right so, say it.”
“I’m not going to say it because it’s not true.” I was angry. I didn’t mean it. I was hurt. I didn’t mean any of it. “This guy’s a complete idiot. Letting you go?” His grip around Louis’ shoulder tightens. “Biggest mistake of his life. Bastard didn’t know what he had. Sucks for him. But, you? You’re not to blame here, Lou. Never say that again. Never.”
“I’m not to blame? Then why is this not the first time it’s happened, Harry?”
“Is that why you didn’t tell me? Shame?”
“Is that why you didn’t tell me about Daniel?”
“No, I didn’t tell you because it happened before you came back. I didn’t think it was really necessary to tell you about a proposal I turned down. How did you find out about that anyways?”
“Lottie.”
“Ah. And what did she say exactly?”
“First words out of her mouth once I unfinished packing were ‘hey, did you hear Daniel proposed?’ Literally the first thing she said.”
Harry laughs knowing Lottie’s gossiping too well. “And you automatically thought that I was engaged.”
“Well shit, Harry, of course I did. I figured sooner rather than later some very lucky guy would take you off the market.”
“Very lucky, huh?”
Louis pushes him sideways onto the sand.
“I just- I don’t know.”
“Listen to me. This has nothing to do with you. You are not to blame here.”
“Harry, come on-”
“Shh. Let me finish. You, my dear,” He says as he dusts the sand from his elbows, “Are extraordinary.” His eyes shine again as he pulls Louis’ chin up. “These guys were shit. You deserve better. You deserve someone who worships the ground you walk on. You deserve someone who reminds you of how incredible you are and of how much they love you every day.”
Louis laughs as Harry lets go of his chin. “When did you become so sappy?”
“You know; I broke his nose once.”
“What!? Whose?”
“Adam’s.”
“What? When? Why? How? What are you talking about?”
Harry throws an arm around Louis’ neck, pulling him close into a whisper, his lips brushing against Louis’ ear as a shiver runs down his spine.
“We were sitting up in the treehouse and you’d just told me that you saw him kissing that Bianca chick. You seemed okay- You said you were, but I was still furious, so- Remember when I told you I’d go buy you ice cream?” Louis nods against Harry’s cheek. “Well, on my way to the store I saw him with a couple of his buddies. I went up to him and punched him right in the face.”
“And you broke his nose?”
“And I broke his nose.”
“You… for me?”
“Of course for you, you oblivious princess. I’ve done a lot for you over the years.”
“I know.” There’s a brief pause as Harry unwraps himself from Louis. “I’m sorry.”
“No need to be sorry. Ever.”
Louis turns his attention back to the sea. Waves crashing angrily against the shore as his thoughts swerve into each other in the same manor.
“There must be something wrong with me. Some broken piece no one wants.”
“Don’t say that.”
“What? That I’m broken?”
“Yeah.”
“I am-”
“You aren’t broken. People don’t just break. That’s not how it works. You’re not made of glass, Louis.”
Louis looks back at the lights beaming from the fair.
“We should head back…”
“I’m going to kill him”
“H-”
“No. I am going to physically injure the kid.” He stands up so fast it takes Louis a second to fully understand what’s happening. “I’m not going to let him, or anyone else for that matter, make you feel like you’re broken. You aren’t broken. You’re- You’re perfect.”
“I’m far from perfect, Harry. You know that.”
“To me you are. Therefore, I’m going to kill the son of a bitch.”
“You will do no such thing.”
“Louis…”
“Harry...”
“Can’t I just punch him a little?”
“Harry…”
“With a knife.”
“I think that’s called stabbing.”
“Precisely.”
“Harold!”
“Fine, fine, I won’t do anything. Even though he deserves it.”
“I’m fine. Really. I’m not looking for revenge or for payback. I just want to move on.”
“What? Are you insane? He-”
“Things always happen for a reason, don’t they?”
“Yeah, I guess… But still, he can’t just walk away from this scratch free.”
“Back home…” His mouth seems to have moved without permission as he realizes he’s said it out loud.
“What?”
“It brought me back home.”
“That it did… And I’m glad, really glad you’re home…” His nose scrunches up at Louis’ smile. “Do me a favor?” Louis arches his eyebrow in question.
A favor could mean anything from “Hey, pass me that napkin.” To “Hey, help me burry this body.” but then again Louis would do anything for Harry. Going to jail for a murder he did not commit included.
“Just don’t walk away from me.”
Louis’ heart pounds at the request.
“All right. Jeez, seriously when did you get so-”
“I just don’t like seeing you walk away.”
So simple, so delicately phrased, it makes Louis feel something he had long forced himself to let go of. And as always, he deflects his feelings with a joke.
“You don’t like seeing me walk away? I thought I looked good in these jeans… Guess I was wrong.”
“I’m being serious, Louis.”
“And I’m not?!”
“Louis.”
“Yeah, yeah. Alright.”
Louis rolls his eyes as a low buzz starts filling the air.
“Who’s calling you at this hour?”
“With that ringtone? My dad,”
He answers the call with a happy “Hey there Mr. Father,”
Louis runs the heel of his Vans across the sand as he listens in. “We- I’m- What? No, no. We- We didn’t leave! We’re at the beach. We were coming back right now.” He takes a pause as he thinks for a second, eyes intently on Louis. “Well, actually, Louis got a little drunk and I thought it’d be best if he took a walk and felt the ocean breeze on his face to sober him up.” Harry grins as Louis slaps at his arm.
“Harold!”
“Fine, fine, we’ll be right there.” He hangs up and they climb the stairs back up to the fair.
“Did he actually buy that I’m drunk?”
“What? No, of course not. You? No one would believe that of you, you perfect little Mr. goodie two shoes…”
Louis bites the inside of his lip. “Oh… you have no idea what you’re talking about, Styles. You’ve never seen me in action.”
Harry stops him with a hand to his chest. “Excuse me?”
“I did go to uni you know.”
“Oh, that’s just cruel. When we were kids it took Niall forever to get you to take a sip of his beer!”
“Don’t worry you’ll get to see it all. Later.”
“Later? Hey-”
Lottie walks up to them, a deep scowl set on her lips as she pulls them both by the arm and walks them towards the parking lot.
“Pizza. It’s time for pizza and you two are off God knows where doing God knows what.”
“We weren’t-”
“What are you-”
They protest in sync.
“Save it. Get in the car and let’s go. Everyone else is already gone. Let’s go. Move it. It’s pizza time. I don’t care what you were doing, just drive towards the pizza.”
“So, pizza then?”
~
“Ah, the children have arrived.”
“Children?”
Everyone else having arrived ten minutes’ prior, the agreed upon time, they have occupied the saved booths for their large party. Louis and Harry sit on the same side of the small booth that is left by the front as Lottie sits opposite to them.
Once they’ve settled in Liam sits next to Lottie, a white polo perfectly fitted onto his form.
“Did you order the pizza? I’m starving. It took me forever to find these two.” She glares as Louis pokes his tongue at her.
“Already in the oven, love. And yes, Harry, children. When you act like a child you get referred to as one.”
“And how,” Harry sits forward, both hands on the table. “are we acting like children if I may ask?”
“Like you don’t know.”
Louis reclines back against the wall, ready to enjoy the banter.
“If I knew I wouldn’t be asking, would I?”
“Would you?”
“Would I?”
“Child.”
“Me!? How am I the one acting like a child?”
“Explaining it to a child might be difficult.”
“Chicken.”
“And how old are you again?”
“Taller than you last I checked.”
“How is that even relevant here?”
“Being taller is always relevant.”
“Man child.”
“Ouch. Wise brain with a young heart, what an insult. Really, your best work.”
“You really want me to explain it?”
“If it’s not too much trouble…”
Liam sighs as he catches Zayn snickering in the corner, the rest of the party’s attention on them as well. “You’re acting like children… Sneaking off and doing your own thing… just like when we were kids. It was always you too, apart from the rest of us. Your own little secret club.”
“Huh.” Harry tilts his head right.
“What?”
“You’re jealous!”
“What?” Liam rolls his eyes dragging out the vowel.
Harry laughs. “You’re jealous that Louis chose me over you!”
“Again, you’re a child.”
“Who told you I chose you over him?” Everyone ‘oooooooh’s as Harry turns to face Louis, his bright blue eyes calm and challenging. Their knees brush against each other under the table as Harry inches closer.
“Excuse me?” He arches a brow and Louis can’t help but crack a smile
“Who told you I chose you over him?”
“No, I heard you the first time.”
Harry starts leaning into him slowly, making sure never to break eye contact.
“Did you now?”
“You want to explain yourself, handsome?”
His body heat now on Louis, Harry pushes a hand to the wall to hold himself up.
“Not really.”
“That so?”
Louis scoffs as his cheeks begin turning red. “We might spend more time together, but that doesn’t automatically mean that I choose you over Liam…”
“Ha! He’s got you there, Styles. See? He likes me better. Now get off your high horse and-”
“Oh, no,” Louis breaks eye contact with Harry to toss Liam a smile. “I do choose him, sorry. It’s just that that’s not why.”
Harry smiles as he leans closer, Louis’ eyes back on his.
“It’s not?”
“Nah.”
“Why not?”
“It’d be a boring reason; don’t you think?”
“Then what?”
He shrugs. “Who knows?”
“I thought maybe you would.”
“Do I?”
“Do you?”
“Maybe.”
“Oh just kiss already.” Liam laughs out as he rolls his eyes and gets up.
“What!?” Louis whips his head in his direction as Liam continues laughing obliviously.
Lottie’s eyes frantically shoot towards Harry now sitting back in his original spot staring straight down at his plate as if in conversation with it.
“You two really are children. Bickering like siblings.” He ticks his tongue a couple of times before moving his attention to the blonde on his right. “I’ve got to go check on the pizzas. Keep an eye on them, make sure they don’t kill each other?”
Lottie laughs it off nervously. “Will do.”
“So, um, Gemma,” Lottie, bless her, diverts everyone else’s attention. “How are you doing with the wedding planning? Big day’s coming up. Do you have your something borrowed, old, new and blue?”
“Yeah, yeah. Everything’s working out, we have to iron out the last few final details but everything will be ready by Saturday. Why do you ask?”
Lottie glances briefly between Harry and Louis, their banter no longer in place they retreat back into themselves in silence.
“Just thought I’d help out if you needed anything, that’s all.”
“Aw. That’s really sweet, Lotts but I think our wedding planner has got everything under control.”
“You know where to find me if that changes.”
Everyone except the aforementioned statues laughs, the parlor filling with joy.