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“You did it, it’s your fault,” Harry Wells said, his blue eyes and words both sharp as the razor blade.
“Why did you do it?” the same voice spoke, but with a different accent this time, german probably, and it belonged to Herr Wells who was standing not far away from Harry.
“I had everything, and you just decided to take it all away, why?” Lothario Wells suddenly appeared, but his face or voice had no trace of usual flirting, no, there was only rage and judgment, identical to Harry and Herr Wells’.
No, no, no, it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t want to do it, it wasn’t his fault, they have to believe him… Nash desperately tried to run away, but another man with a familiar face stopped him.
“I just found her, why not let us live our lives together? Pourquoi?” Sherloque asked him, and this time he tried to answer, to say something to defend himself, but the voices became louder and louder…
They started surrounding him, asking him the same questions, why he killed them, why he took everything from them, it was like the whole multiverse of Harrison Wells that he killed came back to make him pay.
“I watched my daughter die in front of me, you killed us, Nash.” Harry was directly in front of him now.
Nash sat in the corner of the room, hugged his knees close to his chest, and kept repeating like a mantra that it wasn’t his fault, hoping that they will understand it, but also, maybe he was trying to convince himself the same thing…
“I didn’t want to…” his voice trembled before he snapped his eyes open and realized that was a dream.
His heartbeat was like he just ran miles and miles and he could feel his hair, forehead, and actually, whole body covered in sweat. It happened again, he had the same dream again, but it was getting worse because it didn’t stop there.
“You got everything, didn’t you?” there he was again, the toughest one,“Second chance with your daughter’s doppelganger, friends, team.. her.” he almost unnoticeable glanced to the other side of the bed, and Nash did the same for the first time since he woke up.
The moonlight that came through the window was falling over her peacefully sleeping face, making her even more gorgeous. White hair was almost shining under the silver light, and one of her hands was resting on his bare shoulder.
Turning to say something to his doppelganger, Nash saw that he was gone again. Sighing heavily, he carefully moved Frost’s hand to not disturb her before he sat up in the bed, trying to compose himself.
Having nightmares was one thing, after everything that happened, he expected he’ll have traumas like that, but actually seeing him, them while he was awake… that scared him. Did he start losing his mind? What’s gonna happen to him next?
He was deep in his thoughts, that he didn’t notice that the woman that was sleeping next to him was awake too now.
She was quiet for a few seconds, just observing him. Something was wrong, she could tell despite lack of light or her sleepiness, he was just sitting there, staring in the dark and it was obvious that he was also slightly shaking.
Placing her hand on his shoulder blade without saying anything, and just as she expected, she felt dampness from the sweat, but he was cold, even for her. Another nightmare, she thought.
“Nash?” she tried carefully to not startle him, but he still winced, like he didn’t even felt her hand on him before she spoke his name. Turning his head just halfway so he can look at her, she gently rubbed her fingers over his skin “Are you okay?”
Everything in his head was screaming at him to tell her the truth, that he is far from okay, that he is scared and on the verge of breaking, but another part of him fought with that. She doesn’t deserve that, she is absolutely amazing and she accepted him when everyone else didn’t even want to look at him. He was still sometimes thinking, how in a world a woman like that could return feelings to someone like him, and yet, she did, she choose him despite everything, so the last thing he wanted was to ask more from her. These are his demons, it’s the nightmare he created and he will fight it alone.
“Yeah, all good,” he tried his best to fake a smile when he turned completely to look at her, but Frost knew better than that, so she asked him if he was sure, hoping that he will actually tell her.
“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it,” Nash said as he moved the covers away and stood up, and then smiled again before he leaned down to kiss her forehead “sleep, I’m just gonna go grab a glass of water, I’ll be back quickly.” And with that, he turned away and headed towards the door without turning the lights on.
You don’t have to be a genius to see that something is wrong, Frost thought when he left the bedroom. He had trouble sleeping for a while already, but he never said anything about it.
At first, she was finding him in the living room, working on some of his many gadgets in the middle of the night, and he would tell her that he’s just not sleepy and the idea came to him so he was working, but she was smart enough to know that wasn’t the case when it repeated three days in a row. Yet, neither of them said anything.
But then it became worse. He wasn’t doing that anymore, but it seemed that his nightmares were only worse and worse with each passing day.
He would shake and twitch in his sleep, and often he was mumbling something in a desperate way. She wanted to help him, but she had no idea how.
Just having someone in her bed instead of sleeping alone was new for Frost as she just started really living her life, not to mention being able to help with something serious like Nash’s current problem.
But one more thing she noticed is that right after his nightmare ends (she was just assuming since he would calm down) he was always pulling her closer to him, burying his face in her neck or hair, hugging her protectively.. Like he was both trying to protect her from what he was afraid of, but also, clinging to her as his savior since he was always spending the rest of the night peacefully after that.
The second thought is the main reason why she was gathering all her strength to finally do her best, show what she learned about life, and helps the man she cares about. But tonight seemed different because instead of trying to fall asleep again, he was just sitting there in the dark, looking completely lost.
Frost took a deep breath before she turned on the lamp on her side of the bed, picked his discarded dark grey t-shirt that almost fitted her as a very short dress, and followed him to the kitchen.
At first, she was just standing by the door and observing him, and once again that night, he was so distracted that he didn’t even notice her.
He was leaning on the counter with his back turned to her, next to him a half-empty glass of icy water, and while thinking about the best way to approach him, one strange thought wandered into Frost’s mind.
She rewinds the previous day in her head quickly- they came to her place after another tough day at work, they ordered some food, eat while watching tv, laughed and teased each other and soon they went to bed since both of them were really tired.
Everything between them happened so quickly, one day he was just another Harrison Wells they met and if anyone asked her then, she wasn’t really interested in him. But faster than she realized, that changed. They started talking more, about other things too, not just team flash related problems, and it felt surprisingly good.
Frost had a feeling like that’s when she actually met him, real him for the first time, and not all those months ago when he was searching for the Anti Monitor. STAR labs lounge, Jitters, Big belly burger, they were spending more and more time in each other’s company, at work, and during their free time as well.
He told her about the guilt he felt for releasing the anti monitor, and she told him about her fear of actually living a life, and they understood each other. And more importantly, they managed to make the other actually feel better.
And one night, she did something without too much thinking. It was maybe reckless and too fast, but she’s not Caity to always measure everything perfectly before she acts. She is reckless and unpredictable and she just cut him off in the middle of his sentence by kissing him.
At first, he was stunned, but then he kissed her back with the same urgency she felt for him. A few minutes later he kicked the apartment door shut before she lead him to her bedroom.
The warm and happy feeling she had when she woke up next to him the next morning was unlike anything she experienced, and without any official agreeing or too much overthinking, their relationship started. And it was blooming ever since. He was spending almost every night at her place, they were still going for coffee and lunch together, but they decided to keep it from the others for now.
Except for Caitlin of course, who was nothing but supportive and genuinely happy for Frost.
And now, he looked so natural standing there in her kitchen, clad only in his boxer briefs, and she could definitely get used to that sight. She wanted him to be part of her life tomorrow and day after that. And all the days after that, as long as he will have her. She wanted to sleep in the same bed with him, eat with him and laugh with him and cry with him. She wanted to wander on him in the kitchen at 3 am while he is only in his boxers and he sneaks out to eat or to just get refreshment, and not because he had nightmares.
She wants him in her life, and she will be damn if she doesn’t give her best to fix this.
She bit her lip and twisted the edge of his t-shirt with her fingers as she watched him take another sip of water, keeps the glass in his right hand, and rubs his eyes with the left.
Carefully, on her tiptoes, she approached him without a sound and gently wrapped her hands around his waist. But she didn’t startle him, in fact, all he could feel the moment her hands touched his stomach was that he will break soon.
“Nash, you know you can tell me everything, right?” she asked softly and placed a kiss on his shoulder blade before she turned her head to rest her cheek there since they were barefoot and the height difference was bigger than usually.
She felt his warm hand covering hers on his stomach and she tightened her hold on him, assuring him that she’s indeed there.
“Let me help you.”
“And what if you can’t?” he spoke for the first time after a while, and she flinched slightly at his words.
She had an enormous feeling that there’s something serious bothering him, but it still hits harder now when he actually admitted. But no, she won’t stop now, not when he finally said something that wasn’t “I’m fine.”
Frost didn’t say anything but he continued “What if there’s no salvation for me?” she was just about to ask him something again because he really started scaring her when he slowly turned around to face her.
His face was tired and without any spark of joy, and his eyes..the gorgeous blues were dark and haunted now, like she has never seen before.
Her fears and doubts if she is good enough to do this disappeared instantly when she saw Nash almost defeated. All that mattered is helping him, and that’s exactly what she did.
“Oh honey,” that was the first time she didn’t call him by his name, and usually it would feel weird for her, but not now, now it seemed fitting.
She was caressing his cheek for a few seconds before she cupped his face with both hands and made him look her straight in the eyes “everything will be okay, I’ll make sure of it, all you need to do is talk to me.” Every word she spoke was so strong and determined like she had the power to solve everything in her sleeve, but she really meant it, and most importantly, he believed her.
And then, like he predicted, he broke. Weeks of suppressing all those horrifying dreams and fears, weeks of pretending that he is all right, and he finally broke, in front of her.
“They are everywhere, they want me to pay, but it wasn’t my fault and they just don’t want to listen to me.” She tried to calm him down, but he continued talking fast and with more panic “Why they won’t listen to me? Because it’s my fault, it is my fault but I didn’t want to do that, I didn’t mean…”
“Nash!” and he was silent again, focused on her like his only source of light, which she indeed is “Just listen to my voice, breathe, slowly in, and out” and so he did. “That’s right, just calm down, you are fine, I’m here.”
Her hands were holding his now, and he felt calmer than he was for weeks, or precisely since the crisis. It was her. Her concern and love for him, that he suddenly wondered why he ever tried to do this alone.
Still, the fear wasn’t gone with the panic attack, it was still present and the problem wasn’t solved yet.
She was proud of how she handled his panic attack, especially since she’s been through the same not so long ago. But she figured that everything she did was trying to spare him the pain and protect him, and that was exactly what he needed – someone to be there for him, and she was more than willing and ready to be that person.
A few minutes later, they were sitting on the couch, with her hand still not letting go of him, and she was waiting for his breath to come back to normal before she asked him again what happened, and this time, he really told her.
“After the crisis, I started having nightmares. About the Anti Monitor, me being Pariah, and everything that happened then, but I thought that’s normal, PTSD, and everything that comes with it. After all, I always dealt with things like that by myself…” he paused, remembering the last time he experienced it briefly before continuing.
“But, instead of ceasing with time, they became stronger.”
“Nightmares?” she asked carefully and he nodded.
“First I had one with only one of them, and he blamed me for, for his death. It always feels so real, because after all, I am responsible for that. And then, another Wells came, and another and another… and before I realized what’s happening, the whole multiverse of Harrison Wells asks me why I killed them. And I want to answer them, to tell them that I’m sorry, that it should be me who died and not them, but they won’t let me, they never let me.”
“I have a feeling there is more?” Frost asked him slowly, already preparing herself for what he will say.
“It doesn’t end in dreams anymore.” And just when she started asking him if it’s what she thinks, he looked straight at her.
“Exactly that, I see dead people and I’m not even kidding. And, they are everywhere and it’s even worse than in my dreams because there’s no waking up. There’s no escape.”
A thousand questions were ringing in her head..if it’s a physical or psychological problem, is it a side effect of being Pariah and using an enormous amount of power, or it was only a feeling of guilt eating him... It could be anything, but time for that will come later, for now, they need to face the problem together and try to understand it completely, that’s the only way to truly help him.
“Did it happened tonight, before I woke up?” was all she asked, and she could swear that she saw the relief on his face that she didn’t actually call him crazy.
“Yes. It was the one with glasses, black jacket, ruffled hair…” he didn’t need to describe him further, because Frost already knew who it was, Harry.
“He said how I got everything. Second chance, his job, his friends..” he stopped for a second and then almost inaudible said the last word “..you.”
From everything Frost was expecting him to say, this wasn’t it. Why would Harry ever be angry about Nash being with her, and then, she felt something unfamiliar. In the very far corner of her mind, she could feel Caitlin react oddly emotional to hearing this, and then she understood everything.
Her eyes filled with tears, and suddenly, Nash wasn’t the only one with the feeling of guilt. Guilt that she ripped away the chance for happiness from Caitlin, even tho she was absolutely powerless when it comes to Harry’s fate.
Seeing her reaction made Nash feel like somebody just stabbed him in the stomach. He knew there was a reason he didn’t want to put this burden on her, but he was too weak and now he managed to hurt her too. Not sure what to say, he finally let the tears fall, as voices came back to haunt him once again.
Frost was just staring blankly, like unaware of what’s happening, and then, just like she felt Caitlin’s feelings, she could hear her voice too now “Frost, he needs you.” And those four words were more than enough for her to remember what was she supposed to do.
He was still sitting next to her, but he covered his ears and his eyes were shut tightly, signs of the inner fight he was battling were evident on his face.
“You can do this.” She heard Caitlin once again before her presence disappeared, and she cupped his face without thinking and shouted his name just like earlier, but when she saw there was no effect she went straight forward to kiss him.
She could feel saltiness from the tears as well that he was still shaking, but then, after a few seconds he started responding, and it was more than obvious to her that she is indeed his lifeline.
“Come back to me.” She whispered and he opened his eyes only to find her smiling at him.
“Harry, Sherloque, HR… every one of them was a good guy, a great guy actually, I think that thing is common when it comes to Harrison Wells” she kept her hands on either side of his face, and she felt like singing and dancing when he actually chuckled at her words “and there can be a million reasons why you are seeing them, but I’m sure in one thing... If that’s really them, guys we loved and considered family, they don’t want to do harm.”
“How can you be sure?”
“I just know. They will understand that you didn’t do anything on purpose, they will understand you, just like you would understand if the roles were reversed. You just need to make them listen to you.”
“But I told you they don’t want to listen to me…”
“We’ll find the way, I promise. Who knows, if we confirm they are really locked somewhere in your mind, maybe there’s even a possibility to bring them back.” She was aware that she was giving him the promise that she can’t guarantee it will be fulfilled, but she chooses to have faith for once “Caitlin and I will start working on it full time, Cisco and Barry too.”
At that moment, they both thought the same thing – how they will explain this to the team? Because in their eyes, they are just 'work friends' who like to talk over coffee... Nash was about to ask her that, but she beat him to it “We will tell them. Everything. I’m sick of hiding either way.”
“I really, really like the sound of that.” He managed a small smile but then he said something else that made Frost curse herself for not doing this earlier, for waiting all these weeks and watching him struggle..if she said something, he wouldn’t be this hurt.
“If I fail... If it goes wrong and I lose myself, or anything else happens, I just want you to know…” “You won’t fail. And if you do, I will be there to pick you up and fight alongside you. You are not alone anymore Nash, you have me.”
‘I do have you.” He smiled at the sound of that. It was so unbelievable yet true. He just knew that alone, he had no chance, but with her… that seemed like a completely different story.
Her hand fit perfectly in his as she stood up and pulled him with her, and he just had to use the chance to pause for a second and kiss her. Frost took an unexpected but far from the unpleasant step further and reached with one hand to grab his ass and squeeze it playfully
“Just wait, once we tell them, I probably won’t be able to keep my hands off of you.” She smirked through a smile, and her heart fluttered when his eyes lightened up. She couldn’t resist climbing on her tiptoes to peck his lips again before they continued their walk to the bedroom.
it made him feel alive again before he let her continue leading them back to the bedroom.
Not even a 10 minutes later, they were laying comfortably, with her head on his chest, and just when Frost thought that he started drifting away since his movements of playing with her hair almost ceased, he spoke.
And she was sure that these 3 words hit her stronger than any meta attack, but only in a powerful, not painful way.
“I love you.” He said it just like that, and she always thought it will be impossible for her to say those words to someone, but the answer was surprisingly easy.
“And I love you too.” She said as she straightened a little to look him in the eyes “more than I thought it’s possible to love someone.”
“That’s good to know.” His smile was soft as he moved all the runaway strands of hair from her face and reached up to kiss her.
Frost took her previous position and enjoyed the steady beating of his heart. They will be fine, he will be fine. She’ll make sure of it.
It was already past 10 AM and the sun was in its full power and only thin curtains were protecting the still sleeping couple in bed from it.
Frost turned off all the alarms 2 hours ago because she didn’t want anything to interrupt this heavenly situation. Since the moment they fell asleep last night, Nash was peaceful without any sign of discomfort. For the first time in 5 weeks.
And today they will tell the team about them, and she was sure that whatever it is in front of them, they will beat it as long as they are together. She smiled and snuggled closer to Nash and he immediately tightened his hold on her.
The nightmare is over, and the dream life is waiting for them.
The end.