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"Chu2-sama, I'd like to go for a walk."
Pareo had never felt comfortable in her own skin. For her, life was easier when she could slide unnoticed under the radar. She did all she could to avoid standing out and drawing attention, to the point that she hardly spoke to anyone. Things worsened as time went on. She became unable to even look at her own reflection. She neglected her health and hygiene. Her grades were all that mattered.
She wasn’t living, she was just going through the motions. Sure, it was isolating, but being alone still felt better than having to put on some disingenuous performance all the time. This wasn’t the life she wanted, but what could she do about it? She didn’t know who she wanted to be, but literally anyone but herself felt ideal.
Deep down, she dreamed of being an idol. She imagined a life where she could be honest about herself, where she could be admired.
Where she could be cute.
But that kind of life wasn’t possible for someone like her. It was foolish to think she could pursue that life. Even if it would make her happy, it just couldn’t happen. Besides, she did well enough in school that teachers encouraged her to pursue a career in medicine. They didn’t know the real Pareo, but they probably knew what would be best for her, right? Life had her trapped in a cage, taunting her with the view of another reality. She couldn’t break out of it even if she tried, so was there even a point to trying? She just wasn’t meant for the kind of life she dreamed of.
But everything changed when she found Pastel Palettes.
Pareo only found comfort in idol groups. In truth, they were the only thing keeping her going through all this doubt and misery. Despite that, she’d never felt very invested in any particular group until she found Pastel Palettes. At first sight, they were everything Pareo wished she could be. The bright colors and frilly dresses finally gave Pareo a vision of her ideal self. But it didn’t stop there.
Maya Yamato from Pastel Palettes was trans. Just like Pareo.
Suddenly, Pareo’s dreams felt attainable for the first time. She’d finally seen someone face the same struggles and doubts as herself and break through them. Maybe there was a chance she could do the same.
Pastel Palettes became everything to her. Even though she still couldn’t bring herself to be her true self around others, she at least looked happier. For the first time in years, she felt motivated and inspired. She dusted off her keyboard and started playing again. While trying to teach herself to play Hanamaru Andante, she found a video of someone playing it on their keyboard.
She realized this could be her way to share her love of Pastel Palettes with the world.
She started recording videos of herself playing Pastel Palettes songs on her keyboard. She kept the camera below her face, hoping people might be able to see her as a girl while she played. Even though her videos never received lots of attention, it was okay. She did this for herself. Besides, it would probably be overwhelming if she got thousands, or even millions, of views.
But the first comment she received would change her life.
Someone named Chu2 commented on her cover of Mou Ichido Luminous, saying “Unstoppable! I’m looking for a keyboard player, come audition!”
Pareo was taken aback. Someone was so enthusiastic about her playing that they wanted her to audition? Why would they choose her over someone with a much larger following? She was confused and hesitant to accept, but this was clearly a serious offer. However, this could be her opportunity to finally break out of this life. But she was anxious to meet this Chu2, and even more anxious to have to hide her true self from them.
So she didn’t. Chu2 was the first person she came out to. If this was going to be what put her on the path to living the life she dreamed of, she would have to face it from the start.
Chu2’s response was positive and assuring. They said they would be fully respectful of Pareo and that her identity doesn’t change her worth as a musician. Pareo was massively relieved.
This was her first chance to be herself around someone else.
The day came. She arrived at the address Chu2 gave her and was stunned. The building was massive. Her heart pounded as she rode the elevator to the top.
Pareo was surprised to learn Chu2 was a small girl about the same age as her. Chu2 had radiated confidence in their conversations leading up to the audition. She’d even written the song she asked Pareo to perform for it. All of this, combined with the building she lived in, was wildly impressive to Pareo. She’d only known Chu2 for a short time, but she found the producer truly amazing.
Pareo performed the audition song. Being in the company of someone who saw her as her genuine self inspired her to perform more intensely, more emotionally, than ever before. She wanted so much to impress Chu2.
She succeeded. Chu2 said Pareo’s performance was an incredible display of skill and passion. However, something was missing. She asked Pareo to follow her to another room. When Chu2 opened the door and turned on the lights, Pareo looked in awe.
From wall to wall, the room was filled with cute clothes and colorful wigs.
Chu2 said they were all things her mother had sent her and had no need for. She wanted to give them to someone who needed them more than she did, and Pareo was just the person.
Pareo was moved to tears. Everything in the room was so colorful, so vibrant, so cute, and now it was all hers. She hugged Chu2 and thanked her. Chu2 told her she should look through everything and encouraged her to try some things on. Once she was dressed, they would go through the audition once again.
It was hard for Pareo to decide what to wear; everything was so cute, so perfect. She finally decided on a purple shirt with a keyboard on it, a white cardigan, a pink and blue frilly skirt, blue stockings, and a pink and blue wig with long pigtails. After she was dressed, Chu2 said she looked cute and encouraged her to look in the full body mirror. Pareo nervously approached the mirror and opened her eyes.
For the first time in her life, Pareo saw herself in the mirror.
Now, two weeks later, Pareo stood in front of the same mirror, wearing the same outfit.
Smiling at her reflection, she said “Chu2-sama, I’d like to go for a walk” and beamed at the shorter girl.
Pareo spent the last two weeks practicing at Chu2’s apartment every day. Although she had this wide array of cute clothes to wear, she hadn’t yet worn them outside of the apartment. She couldn’t even wear them at home since she worried what her family might think. Besides, she couldn’t fit them all in her closet anyway. But Chu2’s apartment had been her safe place, where she could look however she wanted and experiment with her appearance. Chu2 was always wonderful and encouraging, complimenting Pareo every time she got dressed. Pareo felt so much happier having this one safe place to be herself.
But she couldn’t stop there, and that’s why she asked Chu2 to go for a walk with her.
“I want to be myself in public. I’d like to get myself used to being seen by others as the real me. Could we please go to the mall? There’s a store there that’s supposed to have Pastel Palettes merch.”
Chu2 was surprised, but proud that Pareo wanted to take this step. “Sure, but just be sure this is what you wanna do. A lot of people will be there, and you might run into someone you know or someone who won’t like you.”
“I-I’m ready. I’ve hidden myself for so long, it’s time for me to face the world, even if it’s not ready for me. Also, I’m not worried about seeing people I know. I don’t think anyone would recognize me.”
Chu2 smiled. “Then let’s go, Pareo!”
“Coming Chu2-sama!”
As they left the building, Chu2 wanted to double check something with Pareo.
“You sure you wanna wear those shoes? You’re already sorta tall as it is.” She pointed at the purple platform shoes Pareo was wearing.
“Yes! People say tall girls can’t be cute, so I’m going to prove them wrong!” Pareo stood extra straight to maximize her height.
Chu2 blushed, realizing just how short she would look next to Pareo, and turned around to start walking to the mall. It wasn’t far, about a 20 minute walk from Chu2’s place. The pair walked side by side, although Chu2 had to walk quite a bit faster to keep up with Pareo considering how much shorter her legs were.
Although Pareo’s bright appearance was sure to stand out, no one acknowledged her on the way to the mall. It was a bit relieving, since a part of her was worried someone would try saying something rude to her. She had started feeling a bit tired from walking around in those platform shoes, but she knew she’d need to get used to it to fully commit to cuteness.
When they arrived at the mall, they quickly realized they had no idea where this store was. Chu2 suggested they ask for directions, so Pareo approached the first person she saw.
“Excuse me,” Pareo said, “we need directions to a store, could you please help us?”
“Fueeeee…” the blue haired girl cried as she turned around. “Um, I’m sorry. I’m actually lost too.”
“Kanon-san!” a voice called. A person with shoulder-length brown hair approached the group. “Kanon-san, there you are! I was worried!”
“Misaki-chan! Thank you so much for coming! I thought I could get to the cafe on my own but… I got lost again.”
“It’s no problem but we should probably get going. Who’s this?” Misaki pointed at Pareo.
“Hi! I’m Pareo! I was just asking for directions.”
“Oh, well, Kanon-san’s probably the last person you’d wanna ask about that.” Misaki laughed. Kanon pouted. “Anyway, what are you looking for? I might be able to help.”
“There’s a store here that’s supposed to have Pastel Palettes merch. Do you know where it is?”
“Oh, I actually passed by that yesterday. It’s up on the second floor between a couple clothing stores.”
“Thank you so much!” Pareo bowed.
“By the way, you look like you would really fit in with Pastel Palettes.” Kanon smiled.
Pareo’s eyes opened wide. “It’s my dream to be like Pastel Palettes! They inspired me to look this way, and Chu2-sama made it possible!” Pareo pulled Chu2 towards her and clutched her tightly. “Thank you so very much! It means everything to me!”
“You’re welcome! You look just as cute as they do!”
Pareo fought back tears as hard as she could. She always felt cute when she dressed in the clothes Chu2 had given her, but being compared to Pastel Palettes was absolutely euphoric. She jumped forward and hugged Kanon before heading upstairs, thanking her again for the compliments.
They arrived at the store and found several Pastel Palettes posters and albums on display. However, Pareo’s face sunk. “Um, Chu2-sama. I just realized I left my money with my other clothes. I… I came all this way for nothing.”
Pareo looked as though she was about to start crying. Chu2 wasn’t ready to let that happen, though. “Pareo, I’ve got money. Get whatever you’d like and don’t worry about paying me back, okay? I’m not letting you come all this way to not get what you came here for.”
Pareo’s face immediately lit up as she hugged Chu2 and thanked her. She grabbed a copy of every Pastel Palettes album and a few posters and carried them to the register. When the cashier read the total, Chu2’s eyes bulged a bit, but she handed over the money. It’s making Pareo happy, so that’s more than worth it, she thought.
They exited the store and spent some more time looking around the mall before leaving. Pareo found some bracelets and necklaces she liked in a clothing shop and decided to get some. The cashier told her they’d look cute on her.
When they arrived back at Chu2’s apartment, it was almost dark. They’d spent more time than planned at the mall, but Pareo enjoyed every moment of it. People had been nothing but kind to her and the compliments she’d received kept her smiling all evening.
Pareo told Chu2 she was going to get changed. “You sure?” Chu2 asked. “You had a great day and people were very nice, do you think your family would be different?”
“I don’t know,” Pareo replied. “I don’t think I’m ready for my family to know the real me. I think I should try to figure out how they would handle it before coming out to them. But I will one day. Until then, I have you. Thank you, Chu2-sama. You pulled me from the darkness and allowed me to start being myself.” She leaned down and kissed Chu2’s cheek. “I love you, Chu2-sama.”
Chu2 smiled and blushed. “I love you too, Pareo.” They kissed one more time.