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(0.5)
Youngbin stared out across the grassland and blinked with the tranquil tug of the delicate breeze. It was as though it was hesitant in its approach, able to do little more than card its weary fingers through Youngbin's tousled hair.
The honey-combed sunlight was gentle in its scorn, presenting its presence amongst the crystal blue sky with little glare across Youngbin's skin. He wondered where the source beheld itself, though his eyes were blind and fruitless in their search; the hazy clouds that spread themselves like cream obscured the dazzling inferno.
Youngbin trudged through the field. He wasn't sure where he was or where he was going, but that didn't really bother him. The grass blades greeted him with a brushing touch that seemed to linger long after he parted with them, and he tangled his fingers in their delicate stems.
Youngbin was torn from the moment by a shout. He turned toward the noise, blinking dazedly at the heat-wave-blurred figure that approached at a distance. He beckoned the stranger over with a wave, uncertain in his comfortable welcoming but pleased by the unexpected company all the same.
The stranger shouted something obscure as they approached, and Youngbin squinted through the sun's glare to identify them. But the harder he tried, the brighter the sun burned, white encroaching on his vision with vicious intent.
(1)
Youngbin did not know when he had fallen asleep.
When Youngbin awoke, he did not blink his eyes open, he did not stretch his curled torso, and he most certainly did not yawn.
Someone was petting his hair.
Had it been an ordinary day, Youngbin would have screamed bloody murder. But it was not an ordinary day because he could not remember what it was that made the day ordinary: the previous evening.
He hummed out a sigh in an attempt to clear his mind of the post-dream daze, to clear his lungs of that sticky, constricting summer air.
They had gotten back to the dorms late last night. Their debut stage of Summer Breeze had been followed up by a guest appearance on Idol League, and they had all been eager to get whatever meager night's rest they could. Inseong and Sanghyuk had followed them into the dorm, and Youngbin hadn't the energy to kick them out. But he didn't sleep on the couch that night because...because Chanhee—
Youngbin fluttered open his eyes as he curled his fingers into the material of Chanhee's pant leg, and he found himself mere centimeters from Chanhee's kneecap.
There lay the obvious question as to what was happening and why it was happening. But Youngbin couldn't seem to get past who was the one that kneeled before him.
Chanhee's fingers were delicate, if a bit hesitant, as they combed their way through the bleached fire atop Youngbin's scalp. They furled around the curls and parted with the split ends in an almost rhythmic cycle. As though Chanhee had fallen into a pattern while exploring the firestorm that lay sprawled across his pillow.
Perhaps it was because his mind was still pleasantly sleep-rumbled, maybe it was the effect of the dawn's light as it filtered through the parted curtains and cast the room in a delicate blue, but Youngbin was not bothered. Chanhee's behavior was not odd nor disturbing. The summer heat was but a slight simmer above Youngbin's skin.
Before long, Youngbin's lashes were fluttering against the weight of his own peace.
Chanhee cleared his throat, and Youngbin hurriedly pretended to be nothing more than dead weight atop Chanhee's mattress.
"You need to stop dyeing your hair..." Chanhee muttered. "It doesn't feel as soft as it used to."
Youngbin did not know when Chanhee had last touched his hair in the past four years, but he took his word for it.
"But," Chanhee continued, "it's pretty."
There was a deliberate pause. Chanhee was always slow with his actions and words, and his lips and fingers seemed to falter in the process. Like he couldn't get past a sense of uncertainty within his dazed mind.
But he seemed to overcome it because his voice was soft, hardly above a whisper, as he said, "You're pre—"
Youngbin yawned.
As he slowly blinked open his eyes and lifted his torso from the mattress, Youngbin could feel Chanhee hastily remove his hand from his hair and swiftly tug his legs closer to himself.
With a mind that had stuttered to an abrupt pause since waking and a tongue swollen from something more than the summer heat, Youngbin turned toward Chanhee with bleary vision.
"Oh," Youngbin said as his faltering vision took in the rose that blossomed across Chanhee's cheeks. "You're awake."
Chanhee's eyes were wide as they stared at him, his lips drawn in a taut line, and he seemed to be doing everything in his power to not bolt from the room. Youngbin could appreciate that.
Youngbin took a moment to stretch himself—to warm up to the acknowledgment of Chanhee playing mute in hopes of winning over ignorance.
Dawn always held a sentimental value to it, delicate in its approach as a new light crept upon their sleep-warm skin, so Chanhee's tender petting could be little more than him getting drunk on the mood. It would make sense; it was the first time they had made deliberate plans to sleep together, after all. It was special. It was romantic. Even bull-headed Chanhee could get emotional.
Youngbin rolled his neck and met Chanhee's wide-eyed gaze. Guilty-bred fear imprinted itself into those wide, wide eyes, and Youngbin smiled in the face of that fear.
"Chani-ah," he cooed as he stretched his hand out toward Chanhee's head, carding his fingers through Chanhee's sleep-rumpled hair. "Did you sleep well?"
Chanhee seemed to relax under his touch. Or maybe it was from the relief of not having to talk about his unusual display of affection. Regardless of the reason, Chanhee leaned into Youngbin's palm, his eyelashes fluttered closed as the dawn's light glared across his face, and Youngbin thought it was the prettiest thing he'd seen in his entire life. Not in a dramatic, breathtaking way—though, there lay a certain constriction within his chest that rattled against his heart—but, rather, in a simple realization. It was a soft exclamation of "ah" as he recognized the sight before him to be rare and worthy of being treasured, forever on a pedestal in the confines of his sleep-dazed mind.
Chanhee muttered something under his breath, and with the combination of his sleep-swollen tongue and Youngbin's sleep-clogged ears, Youngbin couldn't even consider it comprehensible.
"What was that?" he asked as he tugged Chanhee's fringe back with his thumb.
"I said, I slept well," Chanhee murmured.
Chanhee pulled away from Youngbin's hand, and Youngbin watched as the natural flush within Chanhee's cheeks welted his ears.
"I'm glad," Youngbin said, and he couldn't seem to bite the smile off his face.
Maybe he was too endeared by the sight of an embarrassed Chanhee, but he couldn't help himself; it was a wonderful wake-up call.
Chanhee's expression scrunched up in obvious displeasure, and Youngbin laughed in the face of his disapproval.
"Why are you so happy?" Chanhee whined as he turned away from Youngbin, tossing his legs over the bedside. "It's way too early for this."
"You're so pretty, Chani-ah," Youngbin cooed because his mental filter had ceased to exist the moment Chanhee's shy eyes gazed up at him from underneath his fluttering lashes.
Youngbin felt his smile widen as Chanhee groaned and stormed out the room.
(1.5)
Youngbin knew he was portrayed as the naïve and foolish leader of his group. He wouldn't deny those claims because looking back at any old footage of himself getting fooled by his members and staff people alike, it wasn't hard to see how he'd earned that title. But the reality was that he had at least a hint of observation within him, and that quiet awareness, hidden behind a thick layer of obtuse ignorance, was slowly burning him up.
Chanhee thought he, Youngbin, was pretty.
It hadn't processed within his mind totally and utterly the morning of Chanhee's quiet, incomplete confession, but after allowing the moment to stew and settle in his mind over the next day, he finally realized what Chanhee was trying to say. Which thrilled Youngbin because compliments were few and far between when it came to Chanhee, so he treasured each one passed off to him.
But, the longer he thought about it, the more he picked it apart and delved deeper into its meaning, the hotter his embarrassment burned upon his skin.
It wasn't a compliment of his skill or competence, as was often the praise Chanhee tossed him; Chanhee had complimented his appearance.
Attraction was a subjective and complex topic that Youngbin refused to delve into because he had far more troublesome burdens to deal with. Besides, he could just toss the topic over to Seokwoo, their go-to visual of the group, or whoever happened to look particularly dashing in his full-makeup and outfit.
Youngbin had never been called pretty by Chanhee. Not ever. Not even as a joke.
"Hyung, you look like you're about to pass out."
Youngbin had to chug an entire water bottle before managing to fight off the flush that had risen to his head. The summer heat was a dangerous foe, as it turned out.
(2)
Youngbin could finally understand why Chanhee always complained about the heat.
There lay a sense of disbelief within that statement. Of course it made sense that someone would complain about the heat. It was unpleasant not only because it oppressed and surrounded its victim like a snake strangling its prey, but it also summoned that ungodly cascade of precipitation, seeping into the very air the victim would gasp for.
But, well, that was the literal type of heat.
Youngbin had never experienced the flush of endearment, the absolute hell-fire that an admiration gone feverish could bring about.
Until now.
They were on standby for their recording, and Youngbin tried to make sure he had tabs on everyone. The waiting room wasn't big, but, lord, did his members find the strangest places to hide. His members were never above finding excuses to duck away, whether for a vague sense of privacy or to sneak in a quick snack or nap.
"Rowoon-ah," he said as he approached Seokwoo, who was in the midst of untangling his in-ears from his mic. "Have you seen Chani? Hwiyoung said he went to the bathroom, but Zuho said he didn't seem him there when he went, and now I'm starting to think we left him back at the dorm because I haven't seen him once inside the waiting room."
Seokwoo's brows rose ever higher with each breath that passed through Youngbin's lips, and Youngbin could only frown at the curl of Seokwoo's lips as he finished his worried tangent.
"What?" Youngbin asked.
Seokwoo nodded wordlessly toward the back of the waiting room, which was, admittedly, the one place Youngbin hadn't searched.
Youngbin squeezed passed the staff people with muttered apologies and turned into the slight corner hidden behind a column.
Youngbin paused and...marveled at the sight before him.
Chanhee had somehow managed to fit himself into the compact corner, legs tucked to his chest and shoulders pressed to his ears. Youngbin imagined it was every bit as uncomfortable as it looked, but Chanhee didn't seem to mind the discomfort if he could have fallen asleep like that in the first place.
Now, it was no secret that Chanhee was cute. Whether in the deep dredges of sleep or wide awake, Chanhee was lovely and adorable. That much Youngbin had learned to appreciate and appraise since it was just a fact of life.
But this Chanhee, the one that lay curled before Youngbin, was...different.
Chanhee's head had the tendency to loll to the side since the weight of being an idol was often a difficult burden to bear while asleep, but since his shoulders had dug themselves into the underside of his jaw, his head lay rigid and straight. His chin dug into the collar of his shirt as the crown of his head bowed and presented itself to Youngbin, gentle, and styled to fit the Summer Breeze concept.
Rather than Chanhee's unusual position enrapturing Youngbin, it was the way his features presented themselves more delicately and elegantly. The way his eyelashes fluttered with his gentle breathing, how they cast long, faint shadows across his rose-colored cheeks; the way his lips pursed and painted themselves with a vicious flushing, cherry-pink and appealing under the waiting room's starch lighting.
Youngbin crouched before Chanhee, bracing his elbow on his tucked thigh as he held his jaw in the palm of his hand, and danced his vision across the newly discovered appearance of Chanhee. Because when would he ever get another chance to appraise and admire Chanhee up close like this? Despite the incredibly short time-limit Youngbin had, he selfishly drank in the sleep-flushed sight before him as the seconds passed unforgivingly.
"SF9, standby!"
Youngbin startled so severely he fell forward. He hastily threw his hands out to catch his balance and managed to slam his palms against the walls surrounding Chanhee before plunging headfirst into him. He breathed a sigh of relief, and that was enough to have Chanhee's eyelashes fluttering open.
They were very close.
Youngbin could count the individual lashes of Chanhee's eyes if he wanted and even observe his own mortified expression reflected within Chanhee's dazed, unblinking irises.
Youngbin held his breath as a rapid swelling of shameful heat gathered and sweated above his brow, and he watched with dawning horror as Chanhee's lucidity gathered within his rapidly blinking eyes.
There was a grunt—like it was an exclamation caught within his throat—that escaped Chanhee, and Youngbin flinched, but he didn't back away. Maybe it was the humiliation locking his joints together, but Youngbin couldn't compel himself to pull away. There was something within Chanhee's gaze that was distinctly...not unwelcoming.
"Hyung," Chanhee whispered, breath hot and hesitant against Youngbin's face. "What...are you doing?"
That was new. That wasn't the response Youngbin had been expecting. It lacked the distinct feeling of disdain and discomfort that Chanhee expressed when put near anyone's face—anyone's lips.
"Uh," Youngbin, ever the wordsmith, said.
He felt his tongue dart out to wet his rapidly drying lips, and his breath constricted when he caught Chanhee watching the movement.
"Just admiring your beauty," he said weakly.
Chanhee made a sound in the back of his throat, and Youngbin was starting to think he was losing his mind. With the combination of hell-fire beneath his skin and Chanhee's wandering gaze, Youngbin couldn't help but believe the heat had made him delirious.
"You're not usually so close," Chanhee muttered, and, no, Youngbin did not imagine the molten look Chanhee's wandering eyes held.
"I fell for your charm," Youngbin whispered.
Chanhee blinked slowly at him, and even as his stare persisted, it was hooded and dark. Calculating.
Youngbin didn't like whatever idea Chanhee had brewing in his head, so he hastily pulled away and stood from the floor.
"They called us for standby," Youngbin said, and he was just glad his voice didn't waver, didn't surrender to the trembling, rattling beat of his heart. "You should get ready."
Youngbin hastily made his exit from the waiting room, and not even the staff's urgent directions could pierce through his dawning sense of awareness.
(2.5)
Youngbin was nervous, which wasn't really an oddity, but it was a different kind of nervous. A nervous he hadn't experienced since middle school. Something innocent and fragile, something that could escalate and derail within moments.
Jaeyoon noticed first. Maybe it was because he had gone through something similar, or perhaps it was because Youngbin was an open book with his feelings. Either way, Youngbin felt relief when Jaeyoon approached him with concern in his eyes and a quiet, "You okay?"
They finally had their room to themselves—and in hindsight, Jaeyoon probably did that on purpose—and Youngbin could finally wipe away the sweat that had gathered on his palms, release the shaky breath that had been clogged in his throat.
"Just thinking," Youngbin muttered.
It was the truth, but not the whole truth. Because Youngbin wasn't sure what he was thinking about. Maybe it was about Chanhee, perhaps it was about himself. There lay uncertainty within his own mind, and it was hard to count that confusion as "thinking".
Jaeyoon hummed something sympathetic, and Youngbin thought that was all he had to say on the matter, but he was surprised when Jaeyoon continued with, "There's nothing wrong with it, you know?"
Youngbin blinked and turned toward him. Jaeyoon met his slightly bewildered gaze with a gentle smile.
"Just thought I should remind you," Jaeyoon said as he patted Youngbin on the back before crawling into his bed. "Goodnight, hyung."
"Goodnight," Youngbin whispered, falling onto his mattress and tucking himself underneath his blanket despite the raging summer heat.
After all, it was best to fight fire with fire.
(3)
"See that house up on the hill? They're up there. Go, go!"
Youngbin was startled by the carefree directing, but he didn't hesitate to be the one to lead their group into the shooting site. The others followed behind him at their own pace, but not even the stragglers' languid pacing deterred him from running and shouting into the scene. The hosts welcomed him warmly, and he gazed upon the appetizer with an exclamation of joy.
"Do we just start eating?" Seokwoo asked, equal parts puzzled and amused.
The hosts passed around plastic gloves, and they didn't waste any time digging in.
They made light conversation and complimented the food before the hosts prepared to officially start the show.
"You get five more seconds."
The members hastily grabbed whatever leftovers were in the bin before being forced to move on. As they moved from the patio to the yard, Youngbin swallowed his last mouthful of fruit salad and managed to catch Chanhee's lingering gaze.
"Huh?" Youngbin said as Chanhee approached him. "What, what?"
Youngbin stood stock-still as Chanhee's hand reached toward his mouth, thumb swiping along the corner of his lips and getting rid of the sauce that stained his skin.
"Ah," Youngbin exclaimed, a bit dazed. "Thanks—"
Youngbin's mouth clamped closed as he watched Chanhee inspect his thumb before placing it into his mouth. Chanhee's eyes maintained their focus on Youngbin's as he pursed his lips around the digit, and Youngbin couldn't seem to break that gaze.
The cicadas screamed around them, the sun's ruthless gaze beat down upon them, their members and the hosts conversed pleasantly as the staff people rearranged the cameras, and all Youngbin could focus on was the perfect pink of Chanhee's lips.
"Youngbin-ssi! Chani-ssi!"
Youngbin was the first to react, subsequently breaking their stare-down as he turned toward the staff people. They beckoned them over to join the rest of the group, and Youngbin could only offer Chanhee a side-long glance to make sure he was following.
Once they got their initial greetings and entertainment out of the way, they were all eager to chow down on the show's famously sized meals.
"Fifty servings..." Youngbin exclaimed, voice soft and a breath short of being star-struck.
Fifty servings of beef ribs went fast when served to nine full-grown men, and even quicker when served with noodles.
"We're gonna be dancing off all the weight we just gained," Taeyang sighed as he leaned away from the simmering lid.
"Better than keeping it all on," Youngbin laughed.
"How am I supposed to dance with a stomach so full?" Youngkyun joined, a wide smile on his face. "Think they'll wait for us to digest it first?"
"As opposed to letting us vomit all over the fields?" Sanghyuk said as he walked toward them. "Uh, yeah, I sure hope so."
"You could stand to gain a little weight, Youngbin-hyung," Chanhee said as he followed after Sanghyuk, settling comfortably underneath the shade of the umbrella. "You're the only one without the muscle mass, you know."
Youngbin looked toward Chanhee warily. He didn't know what to expect from Chanhee anymore—not since that fateful morning that started it all—and he wasn't willing to find out if Chanhee would be as bold in front of the other members compared to when they were alone.
"Then he should just gain the weight in muscle," Sanghyuk argued, and Youngbin released a sigh of relief that he didn't have to be the one to respond to Chanhee. "What good is it to gain fat when you're just gonna burn it off with a job like ours?"
"Well, it is a good source of energy," said Taeyang.
"Not to mention it would be nice to have a soft figure," said Youngkyun. "We're either skin and bone or all muscle; it's nice to mix things up a bit, Dawon-hyung."
Sanghyuk sighed and shook his head disapprovingly.
"You kids are missing the point: How's Youngbin-hyung gonna gain any weight if he doesn't exercise to develop muscle?"
"He could carry me around and do squats like Rowoon-hyung does," Chanhee said.
His voice was casual, and the intent was innocent, but when Youngbin met his eyes, there lay something unnervingly devious within his molten gaze.
"You would volunteer for that?" Youngkyun asked.
Chanhee shrugged and looked away from Youngbin to meet Youngkyun's incredulous stare.
"Not in this heat, obviously."
"I didn't hear a no," Taeyang teased.
Sanghyuk leaned in close to Youngbin as the other three began to squabble, and Youngbin raised a brow at his grin.
"You've got him wrapped around your little pinky, huh?" Sanghyuk said, his grin growing wider upon the choked sound Youngbin made.
"God, no," Youngbin said, but there lay neither heat nor truth in his words.
Youngbin wasn't sure what was going on with Chanhee, but he most certainly did not have any sort of control over him. Chanhee was doing something completely alien—something so utterly foreign to his typical behavior that Youngbin could not, for the life of him, define it.
One thing was for certain: Youngbin was at his mercy.
When it came time for them to dance, Youngbin knew he was going to die. The sun took a fancy to him and his pitch clothing and decided to give him and a few other members—the other victims to unfortunate styling—a little extra attention.
They only danced once—a take that was for the viewers' merit and nobody else's—and Youngbin knew he was in Hell.
Chanhee took off his jacket. Youngbin hated him.
Hand-fan grasped between precipitating fingers and a clammy palm, Youngbin watched Chanhee go about his own cool-down process: he downed a bottle of water first, held a fan to his neck, and gazed out across the fields with a distinctly distant gaze. Perfectly in character. Something completely and utterly predictable.
Youngbin almost deluded himself and fell for it because the heat was terribly distracting and often made him lose focus. But as the shoot continued, the hosts offering eager compliments and comedically incorrect title guesses, Youngbin noticed that Chanhee was watching him. As he danced, as he leaned against Sanghyuk for moral and physical support—his eyes never strayed. Even as they bid their abrupt farewells and made their quick escape from the sun's blistering gaze, Youngbin could still feel the heat of an impassioned stare set upon him.
Youngbin lolled his head against the car window and feigned sleep if only to escape Chanhee's lingering gaze in the mirror.
(3.5)
"Has Chani been, like, possessed?"
Youngbin blinked open his eyes, which had unwittingly closed on him as he focused on the refreshing feeling of a cold water bottle being pressed against his neck, and turned toward Inseong.
Upon realizing that Inseong was, in fact, serious about his question, Youngbin parted his lips to answer with a hesitant, "No?" Because a spirit may not have gotten hold of him, but Chanhee was certainly driven by something within him.
Inseong made a thoughtful noise as he nodded his head, eyes sharp and focused in the open refrigerator's light.
"You think it's a phase?" Inseong asked as Youngbin bumped the fridge's door close with his hip. "Like, a really, really late teenaged phase?"
"I would be concerned if it was," Youngbin said as he cracked open the bottle's lid. "Since, you know, you went through the exact same phase while in your mid-twenties."
"Hey, hey. I wasn't as bad as he is."
"The only difference between you two is that you never had an excuse to sneak into Jaeyoon's bed."
Inseong made a grand gesture with his hands.
"The other dorm has a free room, if you hadn't noticed."
Youngbin felt his lips curl into a frown. Not in a disapproving or sneering way, but rather thoughtfully. Why hadn't Chanhee gone to the other dorm? He had complained about Youngbin's company initially, but he eventually fell lax and surrendered to a crowded night's rest; Youngbin always thought that Chanhee had been too exhausted to fight against him any longer, but that didn't account for the many instances following that. Chanhee had complete freedom to go to the other dorm and raid Inseong and Sanghyuk's room for the night, so why hadn't he done it?
Youngbin must have kept his silence for too long because Inseong's grin was becoming ever-wider in the pale moonlight.
"Oh? Finally realizing something, Binnie-ah?"
Youngbin shook his head—to dissuade Inseong's questioning or to rid himself of unwanted thoughts, he wasn't sure—and took a swing from his bottle. The summer evening may have been tame, but Youngbin felt baked under the heat of his own awareness.
(4)
"'Pass Chani around bridal style, and while carrying him, confess your love to him, and he will respond cutely'."
Youngbin could only laugh.
He had been caught off guard. There was a sense of relief within him mere moments ago because he had foolishly, ignorantly believed the missions were over. But now the producers were expecting them to break their backs passing around a full-grown adult and offer a modest confession of their unwitting admiration and affection for the beloved youngest of their group.
Well, all in the name of variety, right?
Youngbin was the last to do the challenge, so he looked on with a growing sense of adoration as the members began their struggle. It wasn't necessarily an endearing scene: Sanghyuk, teeth grit together as he sent Chanhee a light-hearted "I love you," and Chanhee, smiling in the face of Sanghyuk's struggle and cooing out an obnoxious "me, too, hyung," but it managed to bring a smile to Youngbin's face anyway. Maybe it was the absurdity of the situation finally catching up to him, though.
Youngbin watched on as the other members grunted out their grievances against Chanhee's developing weight, and, rather abruptly, Seokwoo was turning toward him with an armful of Chanhee, briskly and without breaking a sweat. He rushed to accept Chanhee's pliant body and nearly fell out of his own at the unexpected weight; that extra muscle weight was starting to make a world of difference.
Youngbin shouted if only to make his strife known to not only his members but also to the staff people who had inflicted this pain upon them all with glee.
"Chani-ah," he grunted. "You gained a lot of weight."
"Me, too," Chanhee cooed.
Youngbin could hear the members laughing over the roar his own blood, and while, yes, Chanhee's obvious disassociation with the whole ordeal was endearing and hilarious, Youngbin could only struggle to catch his breath.
"I love you," he eventually managed.
"I love you, too," Chanhee said, and Youngbin didn't have to look to know he was grinning from ear to ear.
Youngbin released a sigh of relief as he placed Chanhee back onto the ground. He watched as Chanhee trudged over to the center and, mercilessly, without even allowing Youngbin a moment to gather his bearings, cued the music.
There was always a slight buffer between cuts. Youngbin instinctively moved along to the song, but his limbs were lost as to what motions they were supposed to be doing. Eager to show and please, yet blind and foolish with his enthusiasm. How typical of him.
As was often to be the case, when the music cut abruptly, it left Youngbin gazing toward the monitor with a sense of unease.
"'Chani, bring in the delivery'," Youngbin read aloud. "'Open up the wrapping and eat the food with chopsticks within thirty seconds'.
"What is this?" he immediately questioned.
He watched as Chanhee walked toward the producers and grabbed the metal box, peeking into its contents as he walked back.
The members, ever the pessimists, made their round of complaints and disbeliefs. Youngbin was inclined to fall for their indignation because "fifty layers of plastic wrapping," as Seokwoo so pleasantly informed him, sounded a bit cruel.
"Come here, Youngbin box!" Youngbin called out because his curiosity got the better of him. That and he didn't have much choice.
Youngbin could see Chanhee phase into his fake pleasantry, a lackluster transformation for someone who'd been an actor since he was a child, but Youngbin appreciated the effort.
"Your delivery has arrived!" Chanhee said as he approached Youngbin.
Youngbin crouched to the floor as Chanhee placed the box down and watched as he took the wrapped-up contents out.
"Enjoy your meal," Chanhee said breezily, taking the box and leaving.
Youngbin laughed at the sudden departure and soon found himself laughing at the inanely absurd task set before him.
"I'll try it... Thirty seconds..." Youngbin said, already imprinting his nails into the first of many, many layers. "Start!"
And despite doing his damnedest, it all proved futile as the seconds passed him by without any hesitation.
He was slightly dejected, obviously. He had cost his group from receiving a special ending in their upcoming performance. But he didn't linger on his disappointment for too long; there were gummy worms to eat and other missions to complete.
But, after all the dancing and the missions were said and done and they filmed their separate ending shots for the show, Youngbin still felt bummed out about costing the team their moment to shine. It wasn't often that music shows ended with the whole group having individual shots, after all.
Youngbin, while taking off his mic belt, startled with a shout when he felt someone jab him in the side. Youngbin turned toward his attacker with a look he was sure incredulous, but he stopped short when he realized it had been Chanhee.
"Huh?" Youngbin said. "What was that for? The cameras are off, you know."
Chanhee was every bit as mischievous and bratty as the other members, but he had the tendency to unleash that side of him and let it flourish when there's a camera recording. They all did, honestly, since being a natural-born entertainer was frequently a full-time job.
So, with Chanhee looking at him with his wide doe eyes that shimmered and sparkled under the studio lights, Youngbin couldn't help but feel like they were caught in the middle of filming. Like what Taeyang and Youngkyun did with their recreation of famous drama scenes, brilliant lighting effects and partial zoom-ins to glorify the ten seconds of silent staring. Because words could never convey the feelings of the two main love interests.
Except this wasn't a drama. It was real life, and Chanhee began to sport a far too tender smile to be teasing.
"You worry too much," Chanhee said simply, leaving Youngbin to return his mic belt to a nearby staff person.
Youngbin blinked at the afterimage of Chanhee, the galaxies within his eyes and the rose blooming across his lips imprinted into Youngbin's vision.
(4.5)
Chanhee had been the first one to shower and sleep that night, so when Youngbin entered his room because Inseong and Sanghyuk were menaces, Youngbin's eyes instantly fell upon Chanhee's curled up and sleeping figure. The covers were tangled around his legs, and a lone arm lay stretched across the mattress, fingers hanging off the edge and dancing with the shifting moonlight.
"Ah," Youngbin exclaimed softly, averting his eyes to the open window. "He forgot to close the curtains again."
Youngbin trudged over to the window and pulled the curtains shut, gently, slowly, so that he didn't wake Chanhee with the obnoxiousness of it all. Evenings were to be quiet and peaceful, and Youngbin doubted the sound of metal hoops being dragged across a plastic pole counted as such.
Despite his best efforts to be delicate and careful, Youngbin startled when he heard Chanhee release a soft groan. He turned toward the bed, now a shadowed figure within the milky midnight of the room, and blinked at the minute movements of Chanhee's fingers.
"...ere..." Chanhee muttered.
Youngbin glided his feet along the floor as he approached the bedside, leaning over Chanhee as he braced his knees against the bedframe.
"Chanhee-ah?" Youngbin hummed.
He brought a hand up to brush away the fringe from Chanhee's closed eyes, the scorching image of those same eyes dazzling him underneath starch overhead lights popping into his mind.
"C'mere," Chanhee groaned.
Youngbin grunted when he felt Chanhee's hand grasp his shirt, tugging him down and on top of him.
There was a lot of shifting, a lot of moaning and complaining, but Youngbin eventually found himself pressed against the wall with Chanhee embracing him from behind.
"G'night, hyung," Chanhee murmured, lips faint and gentle as they pressed themselves against the pulse of Youngbin's neck.
Youngbin wasn't sure how he could sleep with the summer heat rearing its ugly head and embracing his entire body, but he managed to calm his simmering heart and earned a delicate night's rest.
(5)
"This can't be the first time we've danced barefoot, right?"
Youngbin looked up from his belt, which he had been fumbling with the nonexistent knot of for the past ten minutes, and looked toward Juho.
"When would we have?" he asked, genuinely curious.
"You've never danced in the shower?" Sanghyuk joined.
"I thought you stopped doing that after I had to catch you after you slipped," Jaeyoon said, tone accusing and eyebrows raised high.
"I thought you stopped doing that after I watched you slip and fall," Inseong added.
"Thanks for answering my question, guys," Juho deadpanned.
Youngbin ignored the rising tension between his members, energy high and elated from their first win of the comeback, and focused his attention back on trying to tie the knot of his belt. It was surprisingly difficult to do with stiff yet malleable material, bending to his every whim and curious prod.
"Hyung."
Youngbin startled and looked toward Chanhee, whose sudden appearance stunned him into silence. He watched on as Chanhee's hands moved toward his belt. His fingers were gentle as they twisted the belt, tying a sturdy and neat knot within seconds.
Youngbin's lips parted to offer up some words of gratitude. He stopped short when Chanhee's hands continued to wander the material of his uniform: he fiddled with the loose ends of the belt, straightening them out and pressing them to Youngbin's thighs so they didn't stick out; his fingers trailed up to the white uniform shirt, tracing the slight crinkles and prodding into the grooves of the starch material to be met with the resistance of Youngbin's fluttering stomach; his nails sketched out the sewn Korean flag and pressed it to the skin of Youngbin's chest, his heart thundering against the gentle imprints of Chanhee's touch.
"It looks good on you," Chanhee muttered, eyes shy and fire high in his cheeks, but his smile was genuine if a bit cheeky in the way he typically was when he knew something the other members didn't.
Chanhee pulled away upon the director's call for the members, and they may not have started recording yet, but Youngbin found it difficult to catch his breath.
Since it wasn't their practice room and the uniforms weren't theirs, they had to be careful and responsible for the day's shooting. Because they may have been overjoyed to receive a win and wanted to celebrate the victory with their fans as quickly as possible, there was still the looming acknowledgment that anything less than vigilant from them would bring about criticism and a lecture from their company.
Youngbin worked with the director to find and mark their positions. Working in a studio with a backdrop as grand and noble as K-Tigers' was thrilling since it wasn't often they got to perform in front of something that wasn't just a wall of mirrors, so they worked hard to bring about a performance as powerful as their environment. Plus, it was nice to bust a move in full, formal taekwondo wear.
Though it was difficult because dancing never came without its exhaustions, they eventually finished the dance video's takes. Youngbin gathered up his sprawled and fatigued members to bid the staff members their final farewells and gratitude.
"Wake me up when Rowoon's healed," Juho proclaimed before promptly collapsing back onto the floor.
"Our sweaty feet are literally still touching the floor; are you sure you should be laying on it?" Youngkyun chided.
"Leave him be," Youngbin sighed as he crouched down to the floor. "We've got a while before our next schedule, so just let him rest."
"I dunno about you guys," Taeyang spoke up, "but I'd rather be doing that after I've showered and changed."
"Manager-nim is still out to get us lunch, so you'll have to make do with whatever this place has to offer."
His members groaned and, one by one, slowly began to exit the training room in search of a bathroom. Youngbin collapsed onto his back as the door closed for the last time, Juho finally fed up with his own sweat, and he reveled in having a moment to himself.
It didn't last long.
"Hyung."
Youngbin shouted, of course, and jolted away from the hand that jabbed him in the side.
"Chani, you're gonna give me a heart-attack one of these days," Youngbin sighed.
He attempted to sit up from the floor, but he was met with the resistance of Chanhee's palm pressing against his chest. He looked up at Chanhee with a furrowed brow as Chanhee continued to push him back against the floor until, inevitably, he found himself flat on his back once again.
"What...are you doing?" Youngbin asked.
His curiosity had won over his anxiety, and he inevitably blurted out the question with his heart palpitating in his chest and choking him of his breath.
It was still weird, being anxious around Chanhee. Someone who once brought about nothing but easy endearment and adoration now gazed down at him with eyes as molten as the blood within Youngbin's veins. Flames licked at the palms of his hands and stained the skin of his face with its welting brand, and it must have looked ridiculous because Chanhee's lips were curling into a smile.
"Fixing your hair," Chanhee said breezily as he reached a carefree hand to Youngbin's fringe. "It's all messed up because you were rolling around on the floor."
Youngbin swallowed back that underlying sense of fear—of Chanhee, of the unknown swelling of emotion within his weak, rattling heart—and grinned at the many fly-aways that crowned Chanhee's head.
"You're one to talk," he said.
He reached a hand toward Chanhee's head and got to work on shuffling about and flattening the stray hairs that littered the nest of mocha.
They fell into a peaceful silence, concentrated on their self-assigned tasks with little complaints and communication. It was nice. It took off the edge that Youngbin had been enforcing onto himself, shook off the nerves that had been simmering beneath his skin. A refreshing moment alone together.
Youngbin finished his styling first, and he admired his work for a few seconds before his traitorous eyes lowered themselves to Chanhee's face. He instantly met Chanhee's intent gaze, and he jolted with a start when he realized that Chanhee must have been looking at him the entire time he'd been styling his hair. Which only ignited the summer heat within him once again.
"Wh—what?" he stammered, off-put by the intensity of Chanhee's gaze.
Chanhee leaned forward, and Youngbin forced himself to not move even an inch from his current position as Chanhee braced his palms beside his head and swooped down to meet him nose-to-nose.
"Hyung," Chanhee whispered, his breath fanning across Youngbin's face.
Youngbin made a noise in the back of his throat. He didn't dare to part his lips.
"Can I..."
Chanhee's eyes darted downward—just a quick movement, probably absentminded—before meeting Youngbin's again.
"Can I?" he repeated, voice as soft and delicate as the summer evening.
Youngbin forced his gaze away from Chanhee's, his lashes fluttering against the gravity of the situation as he looked up at the bright overhead lights above. Because if he dared to gaze into that brilliant galaxy any longer, he would have surely burned up and imploded like the stars Chanhee held captive within his gaze.
But maybe...it wasn't so bad to be imprisoned by—to be at the absolute mercy of Chanhee.
Youngbin lowered his gaze to meet Chanhee's, and his eyes were still pitifully bashful—they still held the milky midnight sky.
"Chani—"
The door opened.
Chanhee scrambled away, Youngbin bolted from the floor, and they both hustled toward the manager as he ushered them to get ready for their next schedule.
(5.5)
"Jaeyoon, please, for the love of all that's holy, let me sleep here tonight."
Inseong looked at Youngbin with something that was caught between incredulous and offended, spit-slick lips dragged into a half-frown, half-snarl. Sanghyuk jerked up from Youngbin's mattress, covers hooked around his shoulders, as he muttered a delirious, "I'm awake."
Youngbin ignored the expected guests and focused his gaze solely on Jaeyoon, who sat atop his bed with his swollen lips parted in slight disbelief.
"Please," Youngbin insisted, voice weary and defeated.
Jaeyoon jolted to attention, turning toward Inseong and Sanghyuk and whispering something Youngbin couldn't be bothered to decipher. Not with his heart still pounding in his head, not with his mind boiling over from the mother of all pot roasts.
Youngbin stepped out of the way as Inseong and Sanghyuk trudged out the room, making faint farewells and snarky commentary that echoed down the hallway as they made their way to the exit of the dorm.
"Hyung—"
Youngbin ignored Jaeyoon's attempt at conversation, walked past his bed, and face-planted into his own.
"That bad, huh?" Jaeyoon sighed, and the mattress shifted with his added weight.
"It's not," Youngbin said, voice muffled as he spoke into his pillow. "I'm just—I dunno. Scared?"
Jaeyoon hummed as he rubbed Youngbin's back.
"Was it this hard for you?" Youngbin continued.
Jaeyoon laughed, and Youngbin peered out from his pillow as he watched Jaeyoon climb back into his bed.
"I had double the trouble, Binnie-hyung."
(+0.5)
Youngbin was not a coward. He may have startled easily (far too easily), but he never cowered in the face of a daunting task, nor did he try to run from it.
That being said, Youngbin was most certainly acting like one.
He didn't run from Chanhee, obviously. In fact, that was virtually impossible since not only did they work together, but they also lived in the very same dorm together; one measly hallway and two time-worn doors were all that stood between the two of them. But Chanhee never took advantage of that fact, so Youngbin rested as easily as he could with the simple knowledge that Chanhee could take advantage of that simple fact.
Now, cowering in front of Chanhee was not an option. But there had been eye-witness reports from his members that Youngbin tended to get...quiet around Chanhee. Not purposefully, obviously, because he didn't want to cause alarm for his members and whatever surrounding staff members there were. But sometimes—sometimes—he let his guard down. He would freeze up, tongue fat and swollen in his mouth as a drought like no other befell his mouth and thought-process, and, suddenly, he was incapable of speech.
Maybe he was being overdramatic. Maybe his frenzied mind had deluded him into associating the mere image of Chanhee with an unbridled sense of panic and fear.
But even if it was unintentional—even if it was a silent slip of the tongue—seeing the stars within Chanhee's eyes slowly burn out, one by one, weighed far heavier on Youngbin's mind than anything ever would.
(+1)
"Oh, Chani!"
Youngbin felt his face split into a grin as he gazed up at their broadcasted stage, Chanhee's face filling the screen as he got the final shot. He offered a wink and a shy smile to the camera, soon lowering his head as shame overcame him.
Youngbin accepted the water bottle passed his way, cracked it open, and took a swing from it as he watched as his members verbally dogpiled Chanhee.
"You should've stayed confident until the end!" Inseong immediately scolded.
"Yeah, you had the perfect opportunity to end this comeback on a strong note," Juho chided.
"Well, excuse me for having a sense of shame," Chanhee said, sarcasm thick on his tongue.
"Says the guy who's been sulking since Youngbin-hyung stopped sleeping with him," Youngkyun snorted.
Youngbin choked on his water, Chanhee screamed, and Jaeyoon smacked him upside the head.
"What? It's true!"
"Yeah, but you can't say it like that," Jaeyoon sighed.
Youngbin wheezed and coughed, pounding against his chest until his windpipe was no longer clogged. He wiped the water and spittle from his lips and looked toward Chanhee.
Chanhee avoided his gaze, obviously, but the flush that scorned his cheeks and welted the tips of his ears spoke volumes of the truth within Youngkyun's words. Youngbin hadn't noticed Chanhee's strife because he had been so busy dealing with his own, untangling and defining the swell of emotions that had breached his obtuse outlook on Chanhee.
Now that it had finally been called to his attention, Youngbin decided to take action on the matter.
"Chani-ah."
Youngbin placed his bottle on a nearby couch's armrest and approached the waiting room's door. He looked toward Chanhee and beckoned him over with a nod of his head. A silent breath of relief escaped him when, after a moment's hesitation, Chanhee followed after him.
There lay a sense of familiarity with the steps they took. Just shy of two weeks ago, Youngbin had found himself in the exact same situation: addressing an unspoken secret between him and Chanhee.
While Chanhee wasn't one to avoid confrontations, he was also young. There was the inexperience of life and the relations it could bring about, and with that ignorance laid that undiscovered realization that silence solved nothing, gained nothing, and most certainly saved nothing.
Youngbin stopped in his tracks, and he listened as Chanhee shuffled to a pause behind him. He turned toward Chanhee, and his expression felt too stiff, too unapproachable; it probably looked that way if the way Chanhee cowered beneath his gaze said anything.
"Chanhee-ah," Youngbin said as he eased his expression into something gentle, something familiar.
"First off," he continued, "I'd like to apologize for avoiding you. That was irresponsible of me, especially since I knew you were probably waiting for me to...make a move."
Chanhee's flush deepened as he grimaced.
"I know, I know. It's embarrassing, but we seriously need to clear the air."
Youngbin faltered over his words as he took in their open, public surroundings. He gazed around the lobby entrance in search of a private area, and he beckoned Chanhee to follow him when he spotted a secluded corner behind a column.
Youngbin leaned against the column as Chanhee trudged into the corner, making himself as small as possible so that he didn't have to meet Youngbin's gaze.
"Second of all," Youngbin continued, voice soft, "I've been...thinking. About my feelings toward you."
Chanhee seemed to perk up at that, eyes widening and lips parting.
"For as long as I could remember, I always thought you were adorable."
Chanhee frowned.
"But," Youngbin said, unperturbed, "lately, that's been changing. I've recently been thinking that you were pretty, which I've always thought, but not as often as now. And then pretty turned to beautiful, and beautiful turned to stunning.
"Now, I didn't really know how to process this change when it first happened. Not because it was a sudden image change or anything, but because it started happening while you were...courting me."
"Hyung—"
"No, let me finish," Youngbin interrupted, ignoring the desperation and mortification that Chanhee's expression wore. "I wasn't really sure how to react to your flirting since you just started doing it out of nowhere—"
"No, seriously, hyung—"
"But I eventually realized that I didn't hate it—"
"Hyung, please—"
"In fact, I enjoyed it—"
Youngbin was interrupted, once again, as Chanhee surged forward and pressed their lips together. Youngbin did not move—hardly breathed—and merely stared bugged-eyed at Chanhee, whose eyes had fluttered closed, lashes long and drawing pitch shadows across his rose-flushed cheeks.
Chanhee eventually pulled away, and Youngbin blinked as he processed the warm imprints that spread hot and heavy across his lips.
"I love you," Chanhee blurted, cheeks blistered over with a red that rivaled Youngbin's hair.
"Wh—huh?" Youngbin breathed out as he attempted to recover from his self-asphyxiation.
"I love you, hyung," Chanhee repeated, voice shier than before. "Honestly, and I'm not saying it for some show or fanservice: I love you, Youngbin-hyung."
Ah, Youngbin realized. That's what it was.
It had been such a simple answer, and yet he had been blind to it. Not only Chanhee's but also his own. That rattling constriction against his heart, that swelling of something grand and breathtaking within his chest—love. So modest and humble in its approach that Youngbin had entirely overlooked it.
"Oh," Youngbin said, still dazed. "Me, too."
"Hyung!" Chanhee whined. "I'm serious!"
"So am I."
Youngbin approached Chanhee, toes of their shoes a hair's breadth apart, and cupped his hands around Chanhee's flushed cheeks. He gazed into the galaxy that shyly met his eyes and realized that the stars had grown impossibly brighter, burned ever-hotter as they pulled Youngbin into their depths.
"Kang Chanhee," Youngbin whispered, "I love you."
With a tilt of his head and an exhale of breath, Youngbin kissed Chanhee. It was gentle, testing the boiling waters, and Youngbin's lashes fluttered closed when he felt Chanhee kiss back.
It wasn't anything special. It couldn't be, but it was...nice. Like a breath of fresh air clearing Youngbin's head of weeks of conflict and confusion, like the summer breeze rolling over him and cradling him into comfort.
As they pulled away, leaning their foreheads against one another as their panting breaths intermingled, all Youngbin could think about was how soft Chanhee's lips were.
"You're thinking of something cheesy," Chanhee whispered.
Youngbin gazed into Chanhee's eyes, and he delighted when the Milky Way greeted him.
"What makes you say that?" Youngbin murmured, pressing a quick peck to Chanhee's lips.
"You've got that look in your eyes."
Youngbin wasn't sure what Chanhee was talking about. He was just looking at him like he always did: Like he was something to be treasured.
Chanhee pulled away first, and Youngbin watched him slide out the corner. He offered a hand to Youngbin, and Youngbin hastily took it. He swung their hands together as they made their way back to the waiting room, and though their members were quick to tease and holler, Youngbin couldn't seem to wipe the smile off his face.