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“To the grooms!”
Illumi stood in front of the crowd, his hand poised up in a toast. The bubbly beverage in his glass swished lightly. “From your dearest brother.” People hollered in an enthusiastic cheer, raising their own champagne glasses.
Hisoka stared intensely, already with an inkling of a guess as to what he might say next. Those eyes, gleaming brighter than all the gold in the world, painfully reminded Illumi of a night he’d rather forget.
“May you always be satisfied.”
A night he would regret for the remainder of his days.
Rewind.
There were soldiers, tripping over themselves in drunken flair. There were candles, shrouding the room in an almost dream like haze. In the center of the blur was a pair of golden eyes; Illumi met his gaze by chance, and was enchanted in an instant.
Apparently the feeling was mutual. Within minutes, the red haired beaut was up and excusing himself from his group of colleagues, passing through the finely dressed crowd and walking up to him. “Hi.” He said as he stopped short in front of Illumi.
He felt something spark in his chest, like a dying fire that’s once again ignited.
“You strike me, as someone who has never been satisfied.” Perplexed, Illumi tilted his head to the side. A few strands of his hair fall from place. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.” He chuckled. “D’you forget yourself-”
“You’re like me.” He interrupted, placing the stray pieces behind Illumi’s ear; this man’s touch was warm- his cheeks were instantly heated by him. “I’m never satisfied.”
His fingers, caressing his skin in phantom touches, descend in a soft curve. Lips, they lightly swipe Illumi’s lips and cup his chin; Illumi was forced to look up and into those damned eyes. “Is that right?” He asked, flustered.
“I’ve never been satisfied.” The man reiterated; his molten gaze locked in on Illumi’s ever-drying lips. There was barely an inch of difference in their height, but Illumi felt smaller than ever under the heat of him.
Illumi gulped. “My name is Illumi Zoldyck.”
“Hisoka Morow.” He replied, sliding his hands hurriedly down Illumi’s neck, curving further down his arm and up to raise his hand with a respectful kiss to Illumi’s knuckles. Hisoka bowed without a trace of mockery, without a hint of spite. Illumi bowed back, hand still seized.
“Where’s your family from?” Illumi asked, instantly regretting it. Hisoka dropped his hand as if enflamed and stilled, further making himself look like ice in comparison to Illumi’s flushed self.
Hisoka shook his head. “Unimportant. There’s a million things I haven’t done.” His colleagues shout behind him, beckoning his presence to come back. He glanced, and turned back to Illumi, looking sheepish. “Just you wait.” He said as if he were making Illumi a promise.
They part ways after that, but for the remainder of the night they keep locking eyes across the room. Illumi felt himself grow giddy from those chanceful intervals.
So this is what it feels like. Illumi was hesitant to let his brother’s persuasion to read a romance get the better of him, but once he had caved he felt scorned. “These never happen in real life.” He had said.
Butterflies and warmth, like a sunny summer day in an endless field. Those flowery words used to make him feel somewhat bitter in the mouth, but now they perfectly described Illumi’s daydreams.
Illumi wanted to dance, as the memories keep replaying like a broken record. Hisoka’s face, Hisoka’s eyes, Hisoka’s flirty yet polite behavior, Hisoka’s voice, Hisoka’s scent; Illumi felt drunk on him.
Sobriety, however, hit him back full punch when Chrollo approached him. His brother- ever quiet and ever a wallflower- Illumi had noticed, was socializing. He hopped from group to wealthy group, in fact. Illumi was having a drink and a laugh with one of their father’s business partners when his brother approached.
“Illumi, may I speak with you privately?” He asked, excusing him from the old, greying set of men. Illumi nodded and bid them farewell as took his brother’s proffered hand. They waltz off to the side of the ballroom. “What’s this about, Chrollo?”
“Help me.” He whispered, and blushed instantly as he rose his face to meet Illumi’s questioning eyes. “There’s this… man.”
Ah.
“What’s his name, where is he?” Illumi asked, glancing around. Hisoka was by the staircase, a few steps elevated as he talked down on his colleagues. His brightly colored hair stood out like a sore thumb in the cream, near Victorian looking hall.
Chrollo mumbled something, clear for his own ears but incoherent in Illumi’s. “Do compose yourself and kindly repeat that, brother.”
“Hisoka Morow.”
Illumi froze, the childlike haze of this borderline crush sentiment contracting and snapping. A shiver ran down his spine before he could stop himself. Chrollo raised an eyebrow. “You know him, brother?”
He sighed, as if disappointed. Illumi truly was, but not in the sense he made it look like. “Unfortunately.”
“Could you perhaps introduce him to me?” There was a dash of helplessness in his brother’s eyes, and Illumi wanted to cry. But he smiled instead, and patted Chrollo’s hand that was settled on his arm. “Just leave that to me, my dear.”
The crowd parted lightly as Illumi cut through the middle of it.
“Illumi!” Hisoka welcomed, his friends exclaiming at his sudden appearance. Illumi took him by the hand and pulled him down the five steps of stairs he raised himself up on. “Hey!” He yelped, but landed on his feet regardless. With his height and build, it should’ve been an easy task. People whisper as Illumi dragged him through the path he’s been granted.
“Where are you taking me?” Hisoka asked. He looked at Illumi as if they were playing a game, as if he was winning. Illumi returned the playfulness, but he knew he played the losing side. “I’m about to change your life.” He said.
Hisoka chuckled. “Then by all means, lead the way.”
Chrollo was fidgeting by the time they get to him, but he bowed and introduced himself regally like their mother’s always taught them. “Chrollo Zoldyck, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“Zoldyck?” Hisoka asked, confused. He was begging for an answer in those golden eyes of his. Illumi nodded stiffly. “My brother.” He patted Hisoka’s hand and pushed him towards Chrollo.
“Thank you for all of your service.”
“If it takes fighting a war for us to meet.” Hisoka kissed Chrollo’s hand, like how he did Illumi’s. “Then it would have been worth it.”
Hovering behind the two with a readied smile, Illumi chuckled. “I’ll leave you to it!” He left the two be, and went to one of the many balconies for some fresh air.
His brother and… the only flame that made him feel alive. How cruel. In the midst of the party, the alcohol and Chrollo’s bashful call for help, Illumi has realized a lot of things.
As the oldest Zoldyck, and soon to be head of the family, he was expected to have an heir of his own. With two men that was plain impossible, and that crossed out Hisoka instantly but not only that- Illumi sighed. Hisoka’s name was unheard of; he was living with a lifestyle that depended on his position in the war.
Hisoka was penniless, perhaps. But Illumi didn’t want him any less because of that…
There were also Hisoka’s intentions, which were unknown to anyone but the man himself. Illumi’s heard of the whispers. “The Zoldyck siblings were the envy of all.” Hisoka’s probably heard of them too. Maybe that’s why Illumi still let him in to the family, through Chrollo.
“Nice going Illumi.” He whispered, only for himself and the night air to hear. “He was right, you will never be satisfied.”
Even from this distance, he heard Chrollo’s lively laughter.
Chrollo, his beloved brother; he was nice in his own sense of the word. In another life where Illumi was selfish and kept Hisoka to himself, Chrollo would stand back and hide his pain through books and silence.
His brother would never fight him, would never even try. Chrollo was a peacemaker; in the middle of a literal war, Illumi knew their family needed that.
So in this life, Illumi let him have Hisoka.
That night, Chrollo received a letter. Illumi watched his brother, a fanatic of poetry and words, grow weak with each letter that came. Two weeks, Hisoka courted, and two weeks, Illumi had to sleep with Hisoka’s eyes staring back at him in his dreams.
Illumi would continue fantasizing about him, longing for a life where Hisoka was his and Chrollo wasn’t affected by it.
“To the grooms!” Illumi yelled. “From your brother, who’s always by your side.” Chrollo, from his place beside Hisoka, smiled at him. It was the brightest Illumi has ever seen him shine.
“To your union!”
The guests echoed. “To the revolution!”
“And the hope that you provide.” Illumi smiled back, but his eyes were on Hisoka, his pain only visible to those golden irises. “May you always be satisfied.”
Illumi knew, Chrollo might’ve been happy to be his groom but Hisoka? His eyes still showed hunger, an endless craving for something no one’s heard of.
Illumi knew, Hisoka would never be satisfied.