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Shipwalk
One of the greatest pleasures of Captain Kirk’s day came at its end. When the vast ship settled into night, when lights dimmed and voices hushed, only delta shift was left awake to perform the many tasks that kept the Enterprise hurtling through space, or orbiting some distant planet. It was then that the captain allowed himself the indulgence that he had come to call, if only to himself, his shipwalk.
On a typical day, if there was such a thing, Captain Kirk divided his time between the bridge and the office he kept in his quarters. What little off-duty time he took was spent in the mess or rec decks. Far too frequently he found himself back on the bridge or attending to paperwork at his desk. It was much too easy to fall into a routine that isolated him from large areas of his ship or crew for weeks on end.
James Kirk’s personal style and his command style chafed at that isolation. Kirk felt it was essential to know each member of his crew. He had to call upon them to give everything in the performance of their jobs, sometimes even their lives. This was not a captain who could send an anonymous crewmember to make that sacrifice. He needed to know them all and to have them all know him. And so he began his shipwalks.
Most nights, baring catastrophe, he walked his ship. He made it his business to visit every department of the Enterprise at least once a month. The captain always took these walks alone, since the presence of others might interfere with his purpose. He rarely took the same path two nights in a row, but his purpose was always the same, to touch his ship and crew, and to have them touch him. Sometimes he had to force himself, when fatigue or stress made the thought of a shipwalk seem too burdensome. But, by the end of every walk he was invariably glad that he had made the effort.
The captain’s shipwalks were an informal time, a time when a crewman could show him a new project, discuss a problem or just blow off steam with no consequences. And, many a crew member had been pleasantly surprised to see some improvement in their duty roster, or recognition of a contribution that could only have come from the captain’s attention during one of his walks.
Crewmembers who transferred from other ships were at first surprised and then delighted by their new captain’s habit. On other ships, delta shift was often a rather neglected assignment, one that was seen as a punishment or an indication of less than complete confidence from the senior officers. This was never the case on the Enterprise. In fact there was some jockeying to serve on the third watch, directly as a result of the captain’s custom. He managed to convey in the simplest possible way, the Enterprise’s attitude that all who did their jobs well were valued, no matter the job.
*****
Captain Kirk limped down the darkened corridor, determined to visit one more department before fatigue and soreness forced him to end this evening’s shipwalk. He was still feeling the effects of his encounter with the Gorn three days before. Dr. McCoy had fussed over him, trying to reduce the stiffness and bruising that had been caused when he fell under the rocks in his opponent’s trap. The captain had resisted the doctor’s full treatment and was feeling the results of that decision.
Even more than physical aches and pains, Kirk felt curiously weighed down by uncertainty. Much against his usual custom, Captain Kirk found himself questioning his actions. If the wick had not lit, if he had been unable to recognize a mineral, if the Gorn had been only a little stronger, he would have failed the Metrons’ test and condemned every soul on the Enterprise to death. Try as he might, Kirk could not shake the feeling that the next time he was tested he might not succeed, and he and all he held dear might be condemned to death through his own failings.
The captain’s tendency to take responsibility for every aspect of his ship was something he did unconsciously. It never occurred to Kirk that sometimes the obligations were not his to bear.
Others might have raged at the Metrons for setting up such a test, but not Kirk. He carried the narrowly averted destruction of his ship on his back and would not, or perhaps could not, put the burden down. The weight of those thoughts interrupted his sleep and removed the ready smile from his face. He carried on, as he always did, but with a greatly troubled mind and soul. Unable or unwilling to confide his doubts, to burden others with his uncertainty, Kirk presented a confident face, while in his mind he struggled with uncertainty. The captain found this effort to be exhausting. He resolved to make a quick stop at R&R and head to bed.
R&R officially stood for “Reclamation and Recovery” but it was more commonly referred to throughout the ship as “Regurgitate and Retch”. It was here that the Enterprise’s waste was sent to be recycled into usable materials. It was a department whose existence most crewmembers preferred to ignore, particularly when they were at the food synthesizers. It was better not to think about what the food was being synthesized from. The crew of R&R took a lot of kidding and they gave as good as they got. They were the source of some of the more gruesome rumours about the food on the ship and were known to stand in front of the food slots, muttering about crewmembers allegedly transferred off the ship turning up in the stew.
The captain always enjoyed his visits to the crew of R&R. They were some of the most interesting people on the ship. They all tended to have some pretty unique insights into how the ship was functioning, since they saw a side of the Enterprise that few others did. It had been too long since his last visit, and, in spite of his troubles, the captain was looking forward to catching up.
*****
The very effective air buffers aboard the Enterprise failed to completely remove the odors generated by R&R, so Captain Kirk was able to smell his destination well ahead of his arrival. As he entered the large facility, he was surprised to see that it was practically deserted. Only one unfamiliar ensign was busy tending to the dials that governed the many vats of materials being recycled.
The ensign looked up and seeing that it was the captain who entered, came to attention.
“As you were, Ensign…?”
“Ensign Koshari, sir.”
“Koshari, I don’t believe we’ve met. You’re newly assigned to the Enterprise?”
“I’ve only just arrived, sir.” The ensign’s gaze was unwavering and for a moment, the captain had the strangest feeling that he was being scanned.
“Welcome aboard. I hope that you’ve settled in all right, ensign. If there’s anything we can do to make you feel comfortable, just let your senior officer know.”
“Thank you sir, I feel very comfortable already.”
Somehow, Koshari made the captain feel that he would be comfortable anywhere he went, though Kirk did wonder what made him feel that way. The captain took a moment to study his new crewmember. He was short and compact, with a sturdy, muscular body and a shock of black hair, intersected with a white stripe across the front. He seemed older than one might expect an ensign to be, though again, Kirk was not sure why he thought that.
“How do you like the job, Ensign Koshari?” the captain asked.
“I like my job very much, Captain. How do you like yours, sir?”
The captain let out a chuckle of surprise. R&R was living up to its reputation for unusual characters. He thought for a moment and decided that the man standing in front of him deserved an answer.
“Some days are better than others, I suppose, Koshari. What made you ask?”
The ensign regarded the captain with that curiously penetrating gaze again. He took a moment before he answered.
“Well, sir, meaning no disrespect, but you seem to be having one of the others.”
Again Kirk was startled into a brief laugh. Perhaps his attempt at hiding his troubles was not as effective as he had thought. He turned to leave, not really wanting to pursue this line of conversation, but was stopped by the ensign’s voice.
“Captain, may I tell you a story?”
Kirk was startled by the rather odd request from the rather unusual crewman. This was definitely turning out to be one of his stranger shipwalks.
“Go ahead, Koshari, please. I’d like to hear what you have to say.”
“I know, sir and that’s why I want to say it.”
Intrigued, Kirk limped over to a ledge by one of the gurgling vats, ignoring the rather unpleasant smell percolating from above, and sat down with a sigh.
The ensign began to speak in a low, hypnotic voice.
“Once, many years ago, near the land of my ancestors, there lived a leader who was not like those he led. He was fair when all the others were dark. He was strong when the others were weak. And most important of all, he was brave when all the others were afraid. He was a good leader, bold yet fair, but because he was so different, sometimes the people expected too much from him.
A great drought visited the land and dried up the streams so that no fish swam in them. The land was seared by the sun so that nothing, not even a weed grew on it. The sky was blue and no clouds appeared to shield the people from the fierce, burning sun. First the crops died, then the animals, then the people started to die.
The people became frightened and they looked to their leader to change the way things were. Of course, he could not. No one man can change those things. The people became angry. They needed someone to blame for all the terrible things that were happening. They choose the one who led them, the one who was different from them. Someone whispered that perhaps his difference was the cause of all their calamities and soon that whisper grew into a shout.
The people came for him. Because he was very brave he did not run away. He tried to persuade the people that they must all move and find new lands where the streams ran with water and rain fell to the ground. But, the people would not move. Instead they called for their leader to be tested. They proposed to tie him to a stake and leave him in the sun until the rains came.
The leader knew that he could not change something that no one man could change, but he decided that it was his duty to accept the blame. So he did not resist. They tied him to a dead tree near the village and left him to die a slow and painful death. And Captain, after he was gone nothing changed. The drought continued and the sun still burned fiercely in the sky.
One thing had changed. The people had lost their bravest, strongest leader. They lost him because sometimes too much is asked of one man. They lost him because he refused to deny responsibility for what he could not possibly change. The people came to realize that one man could not be responsible for all the bad things that had happened. The people mourned their brave martyr, but it was too late. The one who might have led them to a new life was dead and the people were alone.
The rains never came and no one really knows what became of the people. Only their dwellings remain on the parched land. Empty and deserted, they stand as a reminder of a people who vanished into the dust, leaving behind only stones and old stories for us to learn from.”
The silence when Koshari ended his story jolted the captain as if a spark had shocked him. He looked at Koshari who was staring him with an intensity that bordered on the uncomfortable.
“There’s just a little more, sir.”
Kirk felt powerless to stop the man, even if he had wished to.
“Captain, when you were down on the planet, did you know that the Metrons transmitted your fight with the Gorn throughout the ship?”
Kirk nodded. That was one of the things that had bothered him greatly, that his crew had been forced to watch as he nearly condemned them all to death.
“Down here in R&R we didn’t watch, sir. Do you know why?”
Frowning, Kirk answered. “I guess you didn’t want to see me fail all of you.”
For the first time since they began their conversation, Ensign Koshari smiled.
“No, sir. That’s not it at all. We were too busy. We knew that when you got back to the ship, everyone would be in a partying mood and they’d be hungry. We had too much work to do to stop and watch the show.”
Kirk felt a genuine laugh bubble up from his chest for the first time since he returned to the ship. Koshari joined him, chuckling softly. Their laughter washed over Kirk until he could feel a weight lift from his heart and mind. He laughed with his new crewmember until he was breathless and the ache in his stomach forced him to stop. He pushed himself off the ledge and stood next to Koshari.
“Well, I can take a hint. I’ll let you get back to work. Thanks for the story, and the laugh. Sometimes, in this job, it’s too easy to forget that you don’t always have to carry the whole galaxy on your back. I look forward to talking with you again, Ensign Koshari.”
A solemn expression returned to the ensign’s face. Only the twinkle in his eye remained.
“I’ll be here if you need me, Captain. Good night, sir.”
Stifling a yawn, Captain Kirk turned and limped out of R&R, feeling much better than when he had entered.
Before the doors closed he called, “Good night, Koshari.”
There was no answer, so Kirk assumed that the ensign had moved too far into the facility to hear him.
*****
The next morning found the captain sitting straight in his command chair, tackling some the perpetual paperwork that was a part of his job. The swish of the bridge doors signaled the entrance of the alpha shift bridge crew. The captain turned to greet them with a genuine smile on his face for the first time in days. His first officer, seeing a marked change in his captain’s demeanor, walked down to position himself at Kirk’s elbow.
“Good morning, Captain. I trust you slept well?”
“Good morning, indeed, Spock. I slept very well. Thanks in no small part to our new Ensign Koshari.”
Spock looked puzzled. “Koshari, Captain? I know of no Koshari posted to the ship.”
Kirk looked just a little bit annoyed.
“Koshari, from R&R, Spock. I talked to him last night.”
“Sir, I will pull up the crew roster if you wish, but I can assure you that there is no one named Koshari, nor anyone resembling that name onboard the Enterprise at this time. Not in R&R, nor anywhere else on the ship.”
Kirk had already pulled up the roster and was scrolling through it with a puzzled look on his face. He was unable to find any mention of an Ensign Koshari, just as Spock had indicated. A call down to R&R reinforced this. They had not had any new personnel assigned to any shift for over three months.
Lieutenant Uhura, who had been watching this exchange with more than a little surprise, joined Mr. Spock in standing next to her captain. Softly, so that only they could hear her, she spoke. “Did you say Koshari, Captain?” At Kirk’s nod, she continued. “Captain, you may remember that I spent my last leave on Earth, visiting what was once the American Southwest. I spent a great deal of time with the Hopi people who live there. Their language and culture are old and beautiful and I was privileged to learn something about them. To the Hopi, sir, a Koshari is a clown or trickster. His job is to lighten the gloom, to take away the sadness, usually by creating some sort of mischief or prank.”
Her captain turned to look at Uhura with great affection. The depths of her knowledge never ceased to amaze him. He looked at Spock, who was clearly debating whether to drop the subject, or to call Dr. McCoy and have him committed. Kirk could not blame him. He was either the victim of an elaborate hoax, or…. No, that way led to madness. And the captain felt too good to go crazy. Besides, whatever had lifted his gloom, Kirk wasn't about to look a gift clown in the mouth.
Kirk winked at his officers.
“That’s what you get for walking the ship alone at night. I guess my mind was playing tricks on me.”
He paused for a moment, and then the captain said, with the ease of someone who felt comfortable with his place in the world, “All right people, let’s all get back to work.”
And, just for a second, Kirk was sure that he heard again that soft laughter that had healed his wounds so completely.
End