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“Congrats, rookie.” Zayn knuckled Harry on the shoulder, his accent thick despite all the time he spent in the US. Zayn was an old friend of Harry’s, who had been winning Grammy’s and awards for his music since Harry had met him. Harry, on the other hand, was just starting in the music industry. If Harry won this award, it would be his first. He doubted it though; not only had Zayn been nominated for it, but Niall Horan as well – who, by far, could win anyone over (By Harry’s opinion).
“Can we get out of here? I want to get a breath before the after party.” Harry stood up, shaking hands with the remaining artists. He let out a sigh of relief when everyone was gone except the two, and few janitors. Zayn laughed, standing up as well and brushing off his suit pants. “Sure. We can meet Liam and his date. I’ll just text them.” Zayn reached for his phone, but Harry had his already out.
“I’ll do it.” After sending the text, Harry stared at it for a few seconds. “Uh, Zayn, would you mind being my date? I kind’ve –.” “Put it off till the last second? Yeah, alright. I was waiting for you to ask.”
They laughed as they made their way out of the building toward Harry’s SUV.
“I’m surprised how well you’re taking all the paparazzi.” Zayn noted after they had been ambushed at the ice cream parlor. “You don’t at all take in the rumors?”
“Being gay isn’t the hard part – I’ve always dealt with that openly. It’s probably all the rumors about all my friends which annoy me most. Like, you and me, let’s say. It’s easy for someone to easily twist such a close friendship into something more.” Harry laughed, “and when, or if, you decide to come out, it’ll be just more fun to me, because I can screw you over like –“he snapped his fingers –“that.”
“But you won’t.” Zayn smiled.
“Of course not. You feeling a little daft today?” He replied, turning into the VIP parking lot for the after party. It was being held at some prestigious, Victorian era building with the classic 3 columns. “This is more your style, isn’t it, Zayn?” Harry nodded to the house as they got out of the car.
“Aw, stop it. Just because I like looking classy doesn’t mean I’m old.” He melodramatically explained, making Harry laugh even harder. “No, you just like putting pounds of gel in your hair not because it’ll fall out if you don’t.”
“My hair’s falling out?!” He clutched his hair, and Harry shook his head. “No mate, just joking around.” He couldn’t help from cracking a smile though.
Once they were inside, Harry noticed the entry way was far lusher than it looked from the inside, but honestly: he could care less. All he wanted was to follow the sound of the music, which meant they were late. (“Fashionably late, of course.”) The rest of the building was decorated accordingly to Christmas with a classic gold touch.
“I’ll see you later, on the floor, alright?” Zayn asked who wanted to meet up some people on the floor. Harry nodded, and headed toward the bar, where he saw a friend. Louis and Liam, he noted, already looked tipsy.
“Your head looks brighter than usual.” Harry said without turning to look at his friend, settling in a bar stool.
“It’s the lighting.” Ed replied, not looking at Harry either. Through their entire conversation, the pair didn’t look at each other directly. Harry knew someone always snuck a photographer here, and he didn’t need more tablets finding out about his scandalous past with Ed Sheeran. Emphasis on past.
“Who you here with?” Harry tried to ask nonchalantly, with his hands playing with his drink.
“No one who could out shine you, if that’s what you want to hear. What do you want, anyways?” Ed’s voice rose, and he left Harry without waiting for an answer. Harry asked for a stronger drink…Before anyone knew it, Harry was far past tipsy. He could only hear the bass of the music now. So, he made his way with a dulled heavy heart to the dance floor, where he could vaguely see his friends.
It was no secret that Harry Styles got around (he was already a celebrity because of the connections he had). But it wasn’t like he got around often. It was lots of long term relationships, each lasted around half a year and he swore this: he tried to end them nicely. Relationships that didn’t? Yes, well, that’s where people like Ed came into the picture. Harry Styles was a pretty complicated fellow.
“How much have you had to drink, Harry?” Zayn asked, steadying him against his shoulder but still swaying with the music.
“Just a few, I think.” Harry whispered, resisting Zayn’s grip, moving his hips slowly. Zayn laughed. “Fine. One very platonic dance. And only because you have no other friends.” Harry shook his head. “Oh quit it, you teasing bastard.” Harry swatted him away, and left the room. His head was really starting to pound, and he really needed to pee after the drinks. He squinted his eyes as he walked through the dark lit hallways. “Why are the Christmas lights moving…?” He mumbled to himself, hoping to find a guard or someone.
Several minutes passed by, and Harry wasn’t even sure he had to pee anymore, so really he was just wandering drunkly around. He walked past a much decorated room, but reversed to just see it. It looked like a bedroom, or a dressing room, or something like that. Harry didn’t really care. There were such pretty paintings, and the Christmas decorations looked actually coordinated so he knew someone with, let’s say: an eye for pretty and not for showing off, did it. Of course, Harry was drunk, so it was useless to him.
He walked into the room, touching the paintings on the wall till he came upon a closet door. He tilted his head upwards and smiled genuinely. The closet door opened, and the boy on the other side gasped. “You? What’re you…” But the blonde boy by the name Niall Horan looked up. He held his breath, but finally said something. “Bloody hell, Louis.” Niall whispered to himself. Harry finally looked back at Niall.
His mind didn’t register that in front of him was the boy who broke his heart, and vice versa. His mind didn’t register than years ago, they both promised to stay out of touch.
“Don’t you dare –“Niall started, but Harry beat him to it.
“Festivity rules, right?” And Harry almost kissed him, he was so close, but his consciousness stopped him. “Can I kiss you?” They could feel each other’s breaths.
“Don’t you have someone else?” Niall pulled, feeling very embarrassed of himself. His cheeks were very pink.
“You know it’s always been you. I’ve tried moving on, but… it never works out.” Harry rubbed his neck. He had been dancing and walking for so long, he could feel the alcohol slowly wear off. “Do you want me to go? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”
Niall shook his head. “We never really talked, did we? We didn’t listen to each other or anything like that. I knew what I wanted and you knew what you wanted and they weren’t even similar. We were both so selfish. I didn’t really know what love was.” Niall went back into the closet, and sat on the floor. Harry hesitantly followed him.
Niall continued: “We were so young! It didn’t seem like it then. Isn’t that so weird?” He laughed.
Harry joined in awkwardly. “You excited for another Grammy?” Niall looked at him weirdly, but shrugged it off. “I haven’t even won it, and I don’t have a good chance either. You damn new kids, honestly. Me? I’m old news – like real old. That’s why it sucks to have such a great career starting out young.”
“You can run uphill, but you’re exhausted by the time you get to the top.” Harry provided.
“Exactly!... Is anyone here with you that you should get back to? I don’t want to keep you.”
Harry nodded. “Yeah, Zayn Malik. Just a friend, and he won’t be looking for me so I’ll stay here a while. Do you have some water?”
“Yeah, gimme a second.” Niall left the closet, and appeared again with FIJI in his hands. “This is nice.”
“It is, isn’t it? Why aren’t you out there, can I ask?” Harry said, opening his bottle. The cold water felt so nice, and almost immediately, he felt an air rush through him. He could breathe again.
“Well, I was wandering out for a bathroom. I didn’t find one, but I did find this room. It kind’ve just… caught my eye.”
“That happened to me exactly, too! Maybe we’re more similar than we thought.” Harry smiled.
“Or maybe it’s just real life character development.” Niall laughed. “Can I have your number? Talking to you is relaxing. How’s the stress on you? You just came out, right?”
Harry nodded, leaning his head against the wall. “Everything’s been okay, I guess. I haven’t really checked my social accounts, so that’s helping really well with ignoring everything. Everyone else thinks I’m just handling the hate well.” He chuckled because of his situation.
“Then why are you telling me this? What if I’m some undercover paparazzi What if I'm recording you?” Niall teased, but he meant the question.
“I feel like I’m talking to such an important person in my life when I’m talking to you. This is dashing, because I haven’t talked to you like this in a couple of years. You may not think I didn’t listen to you when we used to… you know. But I did know the most important things; the things that made me fall in love with you in the first place. I know you’re trustful, and no matter what, you wouldn’t betray someone that badly. Not even someone you dislike. You’re just above it. And you’re really stable in life too. You’re priorities are right. I think our bad ending was my fault, honestly.”
“Don’t say that. You have good traits, I have bad traits, and vice versa. Relationships are a duet kind of thing. You know that, Haz. You have to listen to your partner, the thing we didn’t do, but you also have to listen to yourself. Balancing things can be tough, but it’s the most crucial of all.”
“You, Niall, also knew just what to say.” Harry appreciated.
“Maybe we were in love. We just fell out of it too quick, huh?”
“Yeah.” Both solemn, they stood up.
“I should go, but I want to keep in touch. This was fun.” Harry extended a hand.
“Yeah, definitely. Just plug in your number. Maybe we can meet up for Christmas?” Niall unlocked his phone and handed it to Harry. Harry pressed his numbers in and handed it back.
“That would be fun. I’ll see if I can. Which way are you walking?” Harry asked, now they were back in the hallway.
“I think I’m going to go home. The back exit is that way.”
Harry tried to hide is sigh. “Alright, then, I guess I’ll see you?”
“Yeah. Goodbye, Harry.”
“Bye, Ni.”
-
Zayn was waiting by Harry’s car in front of the building, tapping away on his phone. His face was oddly lit by the light.
“Hey Zayn.” Harry mumbled, surprising Zayn.
“Where you been bud? You don’t look like you did anything.” Zayn was concerned for Harry, who had disappeared the entire party – which hadn’t ended, but the two wanted to get some sleep.
“Just with someone; an old friend, catching up.”
Harry dropped Zayn off at his hotel, and then spent more than half an hour driving back to his flat. When finally home, he checked his phone the last time, and gasped when there was a message he hadn’t seen before.
UNKNOWN: regret not having a drink before now. Maybe I would have been ballsy enough to kiss you.
Harry flexed his fingers. He could tell Niall was drunk. He didn’t want to ruin anything.
REPLY: text me when you’re sober xx
He shut his phone off before he could change his mind. He dreamed of peaceful nothing that night, and was glad for it in the morning. Maybe Niall would ignore him all together. He was scared and anxious.
When Harry did wake up, his head hurt madly, and his sheer curtains didn’t help. He stood up, and then fell back down. He was dizzy and felt like throwing up. Harry realized, he did have to throw up. He disregarded the feeling in his head and sped to his bathroom. Cursing, Harry flushed it away. Only when Harry had brushed his teeth extremely and taken a shower did he turn his phone back on. Before he checked the message (that he kept sneaking at) he added Niall as a contact.
Niall: sorry about that text. Just. Ignore it, yeah?
REPLY: yeah.
In all honesty, Harry didn’t know what to do. It had been fine when he was drinking last night, but now everything seemed off and shifty. He couldn’t help smiling from what he remembered, still. So, Harry went on with his day off, eating normal breakfast, clearing up any leftover work, and did some writing. He took a walk in the afternoon, when it was cold enough outside to wear a hoodie, but bright enough to wear sunglasses. In that same day…
Niall paced around in his bedroom. He had just received Harry’s ominous “yeah” and didn’t really know what to do about it. Should he call Harry and formally apologize over the phone – did he really want to apologize? Did he actually feel that way or was he just remembering how they used to be?
“Fuck.” Niall’s head was spinning, partially from all the harsh questions and partially from walking in circles. More the latter, most likely. He plopped down on his bed sheets, effectively sending his kitten, Dove, wild around the room. Niall didn’t even bother.
As he walked to the kitchen, Dove played with his toes till he gave him some munch. Finally, he sat down at the island for his own food. He couldn’t decide between calling Harry and calling someone else who knew of the ordeal. Like his family or a close friend. He almost pushed his phone off the marble when it started vibrating.
Fumbling, he answered without checking the ID.
“Hi, this is Niall,” he answered, fixing his phone between his ear and neck.
“So, what lucky lad noticed the mistletoe and what lucky lad got a kiss?” Louis replies nonchalantly.
“I’m going to kill you, but before I do, answer this question: I shouldn’t call him, right?” Niall pushed around Dove with his toes, anxious for the answer.
“That’s not even a question. Tell me about it when I’m at your place.” On the other line, Louis was climbing a set of stairs, so his breathing was kind of short.
“When’re you coming, then?” Niall asked suspiciously; Louis had a tendency to surprise him.
“Right about now.”
Niall checked his phone screen. Louis had hung up. Almost a second later, three rapid knocks came to the door. Niall hesitated. There was a jiggle of the door handle, then nothing. Niall had to admit he was a bit fearful of what would happen next. Next, he could hear the series of clicks, and the door swung open. “Spare key.” Niall huffed, impressed. Louis was wearing torn light blue jeans, a graphic tank, and a dark cardigan over.
“Why you so dressed up, aye?” Niall wondered as Louis took a seat on another stool.
“I’m not. Stop stalling and spill.”
“Isn’t this funny? We gossip like teenagers about all the drama and I’m starting to realize how much I’m going to regret this but, okay, here I go.” He continued, ten times the tempo, “Do you remember Harry Styles? Tall with curly brown hair and the eyes the color of fucking emeralds? Yes, well that Harry showed up under the mistletoe, drunk as hell, and almost kissed me. But I backed up, because, well, you know. And I think he’s just gotten cuter?! But, anyways, I got shit pissed when I got home and texted him how I wanted to kiss him and now I don’t know if I should call him to formally apologize? I’ve already texted a short ‘ignore that’ so?”
A scheme was already forming in Louis’ head. “I know that lad. It probably is best if you tried something more direct. Isn’t he having a Christmas party? Wait for that. It’ll make both of your days. Till then, get your mind of things. It won’t help being all worried about it. You already texted him sorry.”
“Are you sure?” Niall asked, worried, and if he admitted to himself: he really did just want to talk to Harry.
“Definitely. It’ll work out, trust me Ni.” Louis put his arm around Niall’s shoulder affectionately, and so the rest of the days till Christmas Eve, both Harry and Niall’s head were somewhere else. Though, Harry did check his phone more often, and once, Zayn caught notice of it.
“Someone’s supposed to call you, mate?” Zayn laid his cell on the café table between them and leaned forward to listen.
“Well, not really, I guess. I’m just waiting till Christmas, since he invited me for a party –.“
“He who? If you don’t mind saying, of course.” Zayn interrupted, but immediately apologized.
“Ah, Niall Horan. You know him?” Harry blushed, fiddling with his rings.
Zayn grew a smug smile, and he fixed his keffiyeh knowingly. “Cute,” was all he had to say though. “I’m going to have to get going, bro. I have a dinner with my family later, and I want to surprise them. Call me if something else comes up, though, okay?”
Harry nodded, and felt a bit awkward alone after Zayn left. He realized: he always felt like that alone nowadays.
More days passed by, and finally, it was Christmas Eve. Unfortunately, the day was starting to feel like any other to Harry. Niall had not sent a formal invite, much less talked at all with Harry, and in result, Harry was having second thoughts. Maybe Niall was just joking about the party thing and everything was really starting to make his head hurt.
Harry was really starting to feel disregarded and overall sad. Harry couldn’t even call Zayn, not wanting to bother him. He did the only thing he knew how to do best – nap. It was a well hour or two before his eyes finally shut, and it was only after repeatedly checking all and ever social website. Before he knew it, Harry was slowly becoming too depending on other people for his happiness…
Harry fumbled out of bed, shocked by the constant ringing of his phone right by his ear. Finally, he was situated enough to put the phone on speaker, breathing just a little hard because he had seen the ID. Niall.
“Is this Harry?” Niall was flittering with his hands.
“Hi Niall, how are you?”
“Fine. You can come over to my place around 10, or earlier, or later I guess. Whatever’s fine.”
“Can we talk then?” Harry was beyond nervous, but he had to get it out. “Just chill and talk, like before?”
“I’d love to. See you then.”
“See you.”
Ah, alright, he had called. Everything was fine, Niall wasn’t playing a joke or being shady, and Harry was fine. Also, Harry had to tell Zayn they were going to the party, but he was feeling so blissful. Hours went by.
-
Harry showed up in his car in front of Zayn’s place, and that was when he remembered he hadn’t given Zayn a heads up. At all. “Oh well, at least I’ll look better than him for once.” Harry laughed to himself, and then honked rapidly. He then proceeded to curse to himself when Zayn walked out. Zayn was wearing an off white button up that was folded to his elbows, dark jeans that hid in his boots, a dark blue scarf that matched his jeans, and like, 7 rings. What was Harry wearing? The usual weird shit.
“What’s all this for?” Zayn leaned into Harry’s window.
“We’re going to Niall’s party. What’s all,” he motioned to his outfit, “this for?”
“I’ve learned to be ready for anything you forget to tell me about. Let me just run inside and grab some things and we’ll go.” Zayn turned around, and walked to his house.
“Hurry up then! Niall said it starts around now. I don’t want to be late.” Harry called after him.
“Stuff it, Styles!”
Harry was impatient, and almost called Zayn again to get him in the car already, but he showed up at the next second. Harry sweared Zayn was jaywalking on purpose, and in response Harry started honking loudly as possible. He was still putting all his weight on the steering wheel when Zayn climbed in the passenger seat. “Quit it.” Zayn said bluntly, and Harry smiled teasingly.
Where Niall was having his party was so overly elegant, both of them stood in awe looking at the ceilings. A waiter came up to them with a tray of masks similarly nice. They picked matching masks to their clothes.
“How’d he forget to tell you that this was a masquerade party? I was expecting some small, cheap vodka, Walmart decorations. Not ceilings painted by da Vinci. I don’t remember Niall had this much taste.” Zayn teased, whispering as they got glasses from yet another waiter.
“Neither do I. This is so astonishingly beautiful. I wonder where he is.” Harry whispered back, but the last part mostly to himself.
“I reckon he did it for you.” Zayn mumbled, and Harry blushed madly. “I wouldn’t be so naïve, Z. Now shh, everyone’s looking at the front. Let’s get up there.”
They navigated their way in the crowd with overly flowy chiffon and silk black suits. Together, they looked so out of place. Imagine if they hadn’t gotten masks.
Once by the front, they saw someone in light blue dressy shirt, with brown roots growing into the edges of blonde.
“That’s Niall.” Harry whispered to Zayn who nodded, then looked back to the front. Niall was wearing a dark black mask with accents of light blue. His eyes only looked icier.
“I’d like to welcome everyone who came. I hope this night goes well with everyone, and I really should be going to find someone now, but I just wanted to tell you thanks and that you can keep the masks. I’ll be singing later tonight, so stay till then everyone! And we’ll also be counting down to Christmas – like a pre- New Years!” Niall laughed. “Anyways, have a good night everyone again.”
A live band started playing from somewhere, and Niall walked towards them.
“I’m glad you showed up. I want you to meet some people.” Niall took Zayn in for a hug, and kissed Harry on the cheek (Harry, did in fact, hold his breath).
“Actually, I’ve got to go say hi to some people on my own. See you later, Harry.” Zayn bid farewell, gave Niall a wink, and vanished. Niall only smiled brighter as he steered Harry and himself toward a crowd.
“My friend says he’s wanted to see you.” Niall’s smirk made Harry a bit confused, but when the small group of people spread out for them, he understood.
“You know Louis?” Harry shouted, laughing. Louis Tomlinson was an extremely old friend from back when they went to high school together. He never knew that somehow Louis would get himself integrated with the music industry. Harry was also particularly surprised how he had never met Louis while, too. “Louis; how’s it been?” Harry grasped Louis’ hand and pulled him in for a short hug. His day had been made, just now.
“Fine, mate. I’m a real big fan; couldn’t believe when I heard your name called out with Niall’s here at the nominations. Tis kind of obvious you’ll beat him out, ain’t it?” Louis laughed when Niall pushed him lightly.
“These are just some other close friends: some of them you might know from the billboards.” Niall introduced the rest of people following and Harry responded respectively. They all took off their masks for a moment, then replaced them when Niall and Harry walked away.
As Harry walked, he accidently harshly bumped into someone wearing a dark beige suit.
“Liam!” Harry exclaimed, grasping him in a hug.
Zayn explained. “Liam and Louis are friends – you met Lou right? – Well, Liam was Louis’s plus one. Crazy how connected all of us. Would you like to introduce us to your friend, Harry?”
Harry smiled gratefully. “Liam, Zayn, this is Niall Horan. He’s a quite old friend and we’ve been catching up lately. It’s been very nice, despite the fact that we are both in the same category for a Grammy.”
Niall added, “And as I’ve been reminded repeatedly, I have no chance against your friend here. Though I have to say, I don’t think I’d mind losing to him.” Everyone laughed, and took another drink when a waiter came by. It was soft drinks though; not enough to alter their thinking in any way. Everyone talked, as when Louis joined them, it got even better. The five of them grew close in a matter of an hour of joking around and dancing. A very official looking man tapped the mic from the front, and began talking.
“In a minute, we’ll be having our very own Niall Horan performing his new single.” Then the man left. The lights began dimming and Niall sighed.
“I’ll be going now then, I guess. It was nice meeting all of you; Harry, we’ll talk after, alright?” Niall gave everyone a shake of the hand, Harry a smile, and headed towards the mic.
Zayn teased Harry while Harry blushed, but the quickly went silent as Niall started singing. This was the first time Harry grew nervous for the award show. It’d be absolutely no surprise at all if Niall Horan won all the fucking awards. His voice was very… Harry didn’t know what to say. Interesting, grabbing… mesmerizing. He felt as if he was in a trance, and there was no doubt the other boys felt the same way.
As the song ended, the friendly, charismatic Niall was back. “And that,” he laughed, “is dedicated to Harry Styles. All the luck to you at the Grammy’s.”
“God knows you’ll need it.” Liam whispered as Niall came toward Harry. The others drifted off as Harry stood alone. He took off his mask slowly, and Niall followed. “That was really nice. Like, really beautiful.”
Shivers went down Niall. “Thanks.” He smiled. He proceeded to say something else, but the live band started up too quickly and loudly. Harry laughed, and Niall did too as he pulled Harry up the marble stairs, where the music didn’t really quite reach. They stood by the top of the staircase.
“I’m just saying, I’m willing to try again – if you are, I mean. I miss you, and I know we still have a lot of things to work out, but I feel like it’ll be better if I can just kiss you when I’m mad. It’ll just be easier on both of us. Of course, this is how I feel and if you don’t want to try again. Well, then it’ll just be really awkward and you can ignore me for forever.” Niall finished, smiling nervously.
“No.” Harry said, smiling wide as ever.
“No? As in, you don’t want to try again?” Niall knew there was a chance Harry might turn him down, but he didn’t think he’d be so blunt about it. And weirdly smiling.
“No as in I’m not ignore you forever. I want to try again, I do. I agree with you completely. We do have something to mull about, but we’ve grown as people, and I know we’ll get through a second time. I’ll try as hard as I can. Only one thing: can we start a bit later after the Grammy’s. It’ll be a bit awkward to the media how competitors are dating. A senior and a rookie, adding to that. They’ll think of some weird rumor to spread.”
“That’s a smart idea. We’ll be behind the doors while, then.” Niall agreed and walked to the balcony. The two looked over the party. Harry swore, in a corner, he could see some familiar flirting. Zayn would have to explain later.
“This is turned out so nicely.” Harry commented. Out of nowhere, Niall started laughing.
“Uh, Niall?” Harry turned towards him, and then laughed. Someone had hung mistletoe so precisely above their heads that they wouldn’t be able to see until someone tilted their head enough to catch it in their peripheral vision.
“Don’t want to be on Santa’s naughty list, do we?” Harry smirked, leaning just a little lower.
“Even if stay within festivity rules right now, we’ll be breaking them all tonight.” Niall countered.
“You can hope.” And then Harry put his palms on Niall’s cheeks, pulling himself in till their noses got in the way, and Harry had to just tilt a bit before their lips touched. It was slow and affectionate and cautious. Eventually, Niall got comfortable enough to put his arm around Harry’s neck entirely and kiss him so hard Harry made noises. The music in the background seemed to halt till they couldn’t breathe.