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It started innocently enough. Byeol sat next to Bam in the training room, sitting the same way with the same posture. They both had their eyes closed and were breathing steadily. Bam was focusing on his shinsu control, and Byeol, well, for all he knew she was taking a small nap. He wasn’t sure how much of “meditating” she knew how to do, or if she knew how to apply it well. He was thinking about teaching her a little about refining her shinsu technique. He knew that if Aguero was right and she was destined to climb up the tower, then he was going to have to do whatever he could to give her an advantage. He walked in blind and naive. Bam should have died before Aguero even got to him. He was grateful, eternally grateful that wasn’t the case. The same couldn’t be said for Byeol.
The second floor could very well mean her death.
He was about to open his mouth to ask her if she wanted to learn when she spoke up. “I read a book that said women get pregnant.”
Or they were going to have the sex talk instead, okay. Bam closed his mouth and opened his eyes slightly to see that hers were still closed. Had she been mulling over that the entire time she sat with him? “Yes, that’s true.” He cleared his throat, preparing himself for the onslaught of questions. He didn’t see the harm in teaching her now so long as she asked. He could imagine how red Aguero would turn though. He’d probably just shove her on to him, or even just give her more books to read and hope that it’ll just...go away. Or that she’d ask Endorsi or another woman.
“But you and Papa wished for me.”
Maybe it wasn’t the sex talk. Bam tried to figure out what path she was going down. “Yeah, we did.” He said carefully.
Byeol nodded solemnly. “Okay.”
Okay? Bam tried to figure out where on earth she went down on, what conclusion she possibly came up with, and how badly he fucked up if Byeol was already looking like she was about to head to war. The grim determination that was a little too mature for her round face looked out of place on her. “Okay?”
“Okay.” Byeol agreed simply, and Bam was left in the dark as she settled back into position and closed her eyes again.
Bam also settled back, more insecure than before as he tried to think of what disaster Aguero was going to have to clean up when Byeol got a hold of him.
X
Aguero was used to Byeol sitting next to him while he worked. When she was smaller and much more portable, she’d sleep on his lap resting on his chest with her ear pressed to his heartbeat. He wasn’t sure how he never woke her up with how often he had to move around trying to get this and that, but Byeol had been comfortable, and it gave Bam a break from her crying during the night. Aguero presumed that Bam was just too energetic, even when he was relaxing and Byeol could feel that when she was younger. Bam, on the other hand, had been insistent that Byeol simply was just attached to Aguero.
Now though she was much older, and she wouldn’t fit on his lap so comfortably. That didn’t mean that she didn’t like sitting by his desk, watching him work. It used to bother him, but now it was just simply Byeol was just watching and maybe learning. Aguero didn’t try to ask her what she was trying to figure out. What he did know, though was that she was aware of the conversations around her, and he knew well that she listened and listened well .
The last time one of Eduan’s Brides tried to talk him into a deal got Byeol upset about fifty different negotiations that she heard about prior and how that Bride was making things worse, not better.
Aguero hadn’t been aware that he had a small secretary but if it got the Bride to look sour well...he wouldn’t take that away.
“I read a book that said women get pregnant.”
Oh for fucks sake. Aguero pinched his nose. “Not now, little wish.” He groaned. She was too young. Where was Bam? He could do this. He didn’t want to have this conversation in a workplace where anyone could hear .
“Oh. Okay.” Byeol deflated a little and Aguero looked up at the ceiling for a good moment. “I was just going to ask if you and Daddy wished for me.”
“You know we did,” Aguero prayed and prayed hard that the next line out of her mouth wasn’t going to send him reeling into the ground. Whether out of sheer embarrassment or the need to just not be around a kid for a while.
“Okay.” Byeol murmured and she had a stern look on her face. One that Bam would wear when faced with an incredibly annoying enemy. One that would say a bit too much or do just the right thing that would get him to punch them as hard as he could.
Aguero sighed loudly, “Ok, ask your questions.”
“Huh?”
“You have a bunch of questions going through that mind of yours. You might as well ask them.” He might as well get this over with. It was just ripping the band-aid off, how bad could this be?
“...But I don’t? Those were all the things I wanted to know.” Byeol frowned.
That was it? Aguero stared at her for a long moment, trying to see if she was lying. Had she gotten uncomfortable because of the way he reacted and decided to retreat? Bam was going to be upset if that was the case. The last thing they wanted was for her to shut down and away from either one of them. They agreed to raise her, that meant that they needed her to be comfortable with them.
There may come a day where Byeol would learn that they weren’t comfortable people to be around.
“I am sorry, little wish.” Aguero felt his shoulders slumped. “Those kinds of questions aren’t...they’re private questions. Questions you don’t ask in public.”
“But we’re in your office.”
“My office is technically public. It’s only private because I only allow certain people to bother me.”
“But those questions are bad?” Byeol frowned deeply.
“They’re not bad. They’re private questions.” Aguero repeated. “Just because a question needs to be asked when two people are alone and undisturbed doesn’t make it a bad question. Some questions that are like that can be, but most of the time, it’s just a question that needs to be spoken confidentially.”
“What does that word mean?”
“You’ll have to look up,” Aguero replied simply and Byeol grumbled. “Yes, women can get pregnant. But not all women can. It depends on so many different factors, and tribes, and other variables. Some men can get pregnant as well, but again not all men. It once more depends on so many other variables as well.”
Byeol frowned deeply. “But you and Daddy wished for me.”
“Yes…I did not get pregnant with you. Neither did Daddy. I can guarantee you that.” Did that end the line of questioning?
“I didn’t think you did. Daddy would say something.”
Of course, Bam would say something. Aguero just sighed, “Little wish, where are you going with this?”
“I was just wondering.”
For some reason, that sounded a lot more ominous than it should. “Was that all you wanted to ask?” He finally relented.
“Yep!” Byeol looked away, still looking as though she was about to knock someone’s teeth out.
He mentally prepared himself for whoever’s kid got her upset about her origin story.
X
This was the first time in a long time Byeol decided to go to sleep without a bedtime story. She had hugged both Bam and Aguero tightly and ran to her room before they could stop her. Bam felt a little lost, a little confused. Is this how parents felt when all of a sudden, a routine no longer was routine anymore? When was it merely just forgotten at the drop of a hat? It was so weird not to pick her up and carry her to bed, play wrestling with her.
Bam decided to make sure that she was alright. Aguero could tease him all he wanted about being a worry-wart. He knew some kids could be mean to each other, and when Byeol went out, they never knew what adventures she was having. She chatted about the rivers, the trekking through the forests, but never about the people she was with.
“-feel bad about ignoring you for a long time.” Byeol’s voice softly reached his ears when he reached the door.
Bam frowned deeply. Did Byeol sneak someone into their home to apologise? Had what happened been such a big deal that they didn’t know about it? He thought back to the day’s events. The questions she asked.
“I asked my Daddy and Papa, and they told me. I guess I kinda already knew.” Byeol sounded sheepish. “So I’m going to pay attention now. I think I know a way on how I can hear you. Daddy has this thing, right? It’s called meditation. I was looking things up about it, and apparently, you can use it to talk to others too! Like a prayer.”
Bam hesitated as he hovered his hand over the door. He could feel Aguero approach, and he quickly brought his finger up to his lips and pointed at the door. Aguero gave him a curious expression as he walked closer to him, listening.
“So um...hmmm….” Byeol hummed thoughtfully. “Where to begin with this, huh? It’s easier if I knew what you were asking me, or telling me.” There was a loud gasp. “Wait a minute! I think I know how! Okay so besides meditation there’s something called shinsu right? That’s the holy water. That’s something you give us, right?” She sounded excited. “I wonder if I could...hear you if I managed to do something with it.”
“Who is she talking to?” Aguero whispered against Bam’s ear. Bam could only shake his head mutely.
“Don’t worry.” Byeol continued, completely oblivious. “We’ll be able to talk to each other. It’s just going to take a bit of practice! Papa says practice makes perfect and I believe him. Oh, I wonder if Daddy can hear you he’s a wave controller. He must be able to.”
I don’t even know who you’re talking to, Byeol.
Bam winced. Aguero reached and gently knocked on the door. “Little wish, are you okay?”
“Yes! I’m sorry I’m going to bed now!”
“That’s…” Aguero hesitated. They both looked at each other. “Good night.” He decided to say lamely.
“Good night!!!”
Bam let Aguero gently drag him away from Byeol’s door, both of them trying to come to grips with what they heard.
They were definitely out of their depth here.
X
“Can you show me how to do the shinsu thing?” Byeol asked, sitting down across from Bam instead of next to him like usual. The early morning sun was barely peeking through the training room windows, and Bam noticed that this was the first time in a long time she came down to meditate with him fully dressed instead of in her pyjamas. He thought about last night and the conversation with whoever she had been talking to, and he swallowed. “I want to try.” She continued.
“Why?” He hoped that his voice was steady. He hoped that he wasn’t raising her suspicions that he was on to her.
Byeol merely shrugged, “I want to hear her.”
“Whose her?”
Byeol gave him a weirded-out look, as though Bam was the one that should be the one to know. It was a look Aguero was famous for giving him when he thought Bam was stupid. It was so familiar, Bam nearly laughed. “The Tower.” She said slowly. “I want to hear her.”
“I…” Bam closed his mouth carefully. What did he say to this? What could he even do with this? There was nothing wrong with teaching her how to use shinsu. “You might be disappointed.” He said, picking his words carefully. “The Tower doesn’t...talk.”
“I know. I just got to meet her halfway somehow.” Byeol shrugged, as though Bam merely told her that the Tower spoke another language. “So I thought I would double on meditation and then learn how to do shinsu. I got to get one of these things right.”
“What if it’s neither of those?”
“Then it’s something else entirely.” Byeol got herself comfortable and once more, set her face into the same stoic determination that she wore when they first had this conversation. “I’m ready.”
Bam hesitated for a moment before nodding, “Okay. Then we’re going to start with the basics. A foundation.” He cast his mind back to his wave controller class on the second floor and felt how blurred the memory as compared to all of the excitement and drama that he went through climbing the Tower. It felt like aeons ago, rather than just mere decades. “I just want you to try to gather it in your hands, like a ball. Laure-ssi taught me that it’s easier to envision it and coax the shinsu to make the same thing, rather than to try to do it without. It keeps it stable and your mind’s focused.”
“Focus,” Byeol repeated with a clenched jaw as she held her hands out in front of her. “Is it easier if I close my eyes?”
“That depends.” Bam murmured. “If you think it might be easier, you could. I found it easier to do it with my eyes closed.”
“Hmm okay.” Byeol hummed as she closed her eyes.
Bam’s mind raced. Hear the Tower. Did he know anyone that could do that? He swallowed as he thought about talking to Hwaryun about this. He wasn’t sure if the Guide could even help, but he doubted Aguero would know anything about it. Would Yuri? Endorsi? He watched as a swirl of blue started to appear in her hands, tiny wisp before disappearing. “Try again.” He murmured. “Just keep breathing. Stay focused.”
Byeol merely hummed, eyebrows pinched in frustration as she settled herself back and tried again.
They had been so worried about her reacting badly to them. Bam clenched his fists against his thigh. They had been so concerned about what she would do when she figured out what a “Slayer” was, FUG meant, Bam’s abilities and Aguero’s firefish. They were the particular kind of crazy that made it up to the Tower.
Maybe she was too.
X
The silence stretched between him and Aguero after Bam told him the encounter. Byeol had grown increasingly frustrated with her progress and Bam distracted her from getting too upset. Now though, she was in her room, with her legs crossed and grimly determined to get some more progress in. She was going to exhaust herself at this point. Aguero didn’t say anything about trying to keep the training to the training room. Aguero was firm that everyone learned from their mistakes.
“She could be a species you created, Bam.” Aguero finally relented. “Like the Red Witches, or the Silver Dwarves. I don’t know how Urek’s managed not to create something, but god I wouldn’t be surprised if he did and we were just oblivious to it.”
Bam stared at Aguero for a long moment, trying to wrap his head around what was being said. Did he create something like the Red Witches? Like the Silver Dwarves? But they were Guides. They saw pathways; they could go up and down the Tower freely. Bam felt his stomach twist. What on earth did he create her to do? Could she go up the Tower just like them? Without a worry or care of a test that would threaten her life? Had he somehow made things easier for her?
No. Bam knew better than to think that. She could go up and down the tower, if she pleased, but that would never take the target off her back.
Forget being a Khun.
Forget being a Grace.
Forget being a Slayer’s daughter.
Bam knew and knew that there were people that were going to figure out that she was something created. His heart dropped into his stomach. Byeol was no longer a target just because of them. She was a target just for merely living. Bam never felt so sick in his life.
“Bam, listen to me.” Aguero’s hands gently cupped his overheard cheeks. Bam blinked at him. His sight blurred Aguero with unshed tears. He felt his husband’s thumb gently wipe them away as they fell. “Listen to me.” He repeated, forcing Bam to look into his eyes. “This is all just theories. We don’t know.” Bam knew that he hated that word. “We don’t know what’s going to happen. For all we know…” he trailed off, “...for all we know we’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
Bam nodded slowly, cautious.
“We don’t know what the Tower’s going to do with her when she begins to climb. It’s just...now more apparent that's what’s going to happen.” Aguero looked aged. Bam had made it his mission never to see him that tired ever again. He swooped in for a hug, tightening his hold around Aguero and felt Aguero melt against him. He could feel Aguero’s fingers gently brushing against his hair, playing with the strands as he let Bam hold him. “We know now that we...created something a little bigger than ourselves.”
A little bigger than themselves. Bam let out a shaking breath as he gently pulled away from Aguero and nodded a few times.
“You should keep teaching her the wave-controller thing. I’m a little disappointed; I thought she’d be a light-bearer.” Aguero pouted a little and Bam couldn't help the soft laugh that escaped him as he gently leaned down to knock their foreheads together. Aguero gently cupped his cheek and pressed a soft kiss against the corner of his mouth. “She’s going to be fine, Bam. She’s a little piece of us and a whole lot of her. Have you seen her take down a Bride yet? Just by reminding everyone that there are rules involved?”
“Oh god not rules,” Bam teased, feeling a little light-hearted.
“I know it’s blasphemy.” Aguero groaned, “I thought for sure that the rule-breaking thing would also be something she gets. No, instead she’s so rigid, I think she’s reminded me of my place.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s a “you” thing.” Bam felt Aguero gently slap his shoulder, and he chuckled softly. “Thank you.”
“Hmm. Don’t get too caught in your head.” Aguero hummed. “She’s not climbing yet, and we still got time.”
Bam nodded, a little more firm this time. They still had time. Bam was determined to use that time too. Who knew when it would run out.