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It all starts on a warm Saturday afternoon in the middle of April, with Choi Yeonjun in a state of absolute panic.
Now, anyone who knows Choi Yeonjun well will be able to attest to the sheer absurdity of that statement, because Choi Yeonjun – legendary student, impeccable dancer, brilliant singer, and a whole lot more – never panics. No matter what may hit him, Yeonjun always emerges victorious, breezing through life with his signature confidence and charm.
Legend-status aside though, Yeonjun is only human, and even said charm and confidence has a downfall. Normally, Yeonjun wouldn't be averse to reminders of his shortcomings – the high expectations people have from him can get a lot sometimes – he isn't infallible, after all. He just wishes it could've been something reasonable, like stage-fright, or awkwardness, or even a large zit on his face, just not— a boy, and one with whom he'd barely even interacted at that.
Because the source of Yeonjun's current distress is none other than the one (1) person who has the ability to render all of Yeonjun's mental capacities simultaneously useless — Choi Soobin.
Choi Soobin — the unbelievably cute, smart, kind and shy guy who is a year junior to Yeonjun, and whom he has secretly been crushing on for the past two months. The feelings had been unexpected, to say the least, nor had he ever expected anything to come out of them: after all, the only true interaction Yeonjun had ever had with the boy was that one time their eyes had locked for about five seconds in the middle of the school hallways three weeks ago. Soobin had merely given him a passing glance, and that alone had been enough to nearly send Yeonjun into cardiac arrest.
("If he actually talks to me, I think I might just die from holding my breath too hard, Taehyung-hyung… Can you imagine it? The legendary Choi Yeonjun, brought down by gay panic of all things. It’ll be a national tragedy!” Yeonjun remembers telling his best friend later, distress in his voice.
“If your dramatic ass doesn’t shut up right now I’ll take care of that before the first conversation even happens, you lovesick idiot.” )
Still, Yeonjun had somehow caught notice of the boy, and he hasn’t been able to look away ever since. Though it was his strikingly handsome looks that had first caught his attention, the more Yeonjun observed him, the more intrigued and endeared he felt: which is what has led him here, two months into a crush the size of the moon on a boy he never even sees outside of school —
— a boy who is, actually, standing in front of him right now, in a place which is decidedly not school.
When Yeonjun left his house this afternoon, all he thought he would have to do was to take his baby brother Beomgyu to the park to meet his friends Kai and Taehyun, and kill time on his phone as he waited for them to get done.
What he didn’t expect was to see the Choi Soobin accompanying said friends of his baby brother, carefully holding both of their small hands in each of his — and hence, the panicking. Yeonjun refuses to think about how cute a picture the three of them make for the sake of his sanity. He also refuses to think about what he probably looks like right now, mouth gaping open, all traces of his usual charisma nowhere to be found.
Blissfully unaware of Yeonjun’s silent meltdown, Beomgyu immediately begins to greet Taehyun and Kai excitedly, both of whom wave back with their free hands equally cheerfully. The greetings seem to snap Soobin out of his momentary shock, and he turns to Yeonjun with surprise etched on his features.
“Yeonjun Sunbaenim?” He bows his head in greeting. “Ah, you might not know me — I’m Choi Soobin, I’m a year junior to you in school.”
Yeonjun, lovesick, is instantly hit with surprise and elation over the fact that Soobin knows his name: only to realise that of course he knows his name, Yeonjun is like, the most popular guy in their school after all. Swallowing down his haywire feelings, he responds, “No, I do know you! I-I’ve seen you around, haha,” he chuckles awkwardly — as if ‘seen you around’ even begins to cover it. Yeonjun goes out of his way to actively look for the boy whenever he has even a minute of time to spare. His face starts to heat up at the reminder, and wow, this is already going worse than he could ever have imagined — all that’s left is for him to actually pass out because of how overwhelmed he currently feels.
Before his older brother can make an ass out of himself though, Beomgyu, bless his soul, starts impatiently tugging at Yeonjun’s hand, wanting to go play with his friends already. Both Yeonjun and Soobin laugh a little, letting the three go after some quick introductions, instructing them to come back in an hour and to inform them immediately if anything goes wrong. They watch fondly as the kids race each other to the swingset, laughter on their lips and a spring in their step.
Barely a minute later though, the awkwardness starts to set in; Yeonjun sees how Soobin wrings his hands together, curling a bit into himself out of shyness. Endeared by the adorable gesture, Yeonjun gives himself a quick pep talk.
He's always thought of this as a hopeless crush, one that would end up nowhere. He's never even entertained the thought of approaching Soobin, let alone actually getting the chance to have a proper conversation with him. He's flustered and panicked, sure, but if there's anything Yeonjun is good at, it's knowing how to take an opportunity when it presents itself – and there's no way he's letting go of one as golden as this. He can do this.
Mustering up the remains of his courage, Yeonjun turns to Soobin, eyes brimming with hope. “Hey, um— are you going to stay here until they’re done? Because I myself am under strict instructions to stay and make sure Beomgyu doesn’t get into trouble or hurt himself…" He scratched his head, still a bit awkward, "I mean, if you’re also staying, we could maybe go sit on those benches over there? They’re right in front of the swingset too, so we won’t lose sight of the kids.”
Soobin looks a little surprised at first, but nods in agreement. Yeonjun silently screams in joy as he leads Soobin to the benches and barely restrains himself from doing a fist-pump, proud of himself for having taken the first step.
His joy, unfortunately, is short-lived — now that they’re here, sitting side by side as they watch over the three younger boys, all courage leaves Yeonjun, and his attempts to think of a conversation-starter draw nothing but a blank. Realizing that he needs to pull himself together before he loses his one actual chance with his crush, he decides to go with basic small-talk, seeing as that's all his braincells seem fit to be able to process for the moment.
“So, small world, huh? Who would’ve thought a junior from school would be related to my little brother’s best friends from primary school? Presuming you are related to Taehyun and Huening Kai, of course.”
Yeonjun tries to maintain some of his usual suave manner as he smirks at Soobin, moving to rest his arm on the back of the bench — only to have his elbow collide with the edge painfully at his first attempt. Despite the blinding pain he manages to not let the strain show on his face, though he probably does look mildly constipated for a few seconds. As with all the mortifying things that have happened to him so far today though: Yeonjun Refuses to think about it.
Thankfully, Soobin seems to not notice how much of a flustered mess the other has become, only responding with, “Ah yes, they’re my cousins! I’m not originally from Seoul actually, I moved here three years ago to study in Hanlim, since it’s among the best arts high schools in the country...” Yeonjun immediately nods in understanding; it wasn’t unheard of for students to move all the way to Seoul just to get enrolled in their school. “I’ve been staying at my aunt’s place ever since — Kai and Taehyun are her sons. To be honest, though, I’ve never really felt like they were my cousins, you know? They’re just as close as my real siblings to me.”
Soobin smiles softly as he looks towards the kids playing in the distance, who have by now moved on to taking turns on the tallest slide in the park, bickering with each other over who should have the first go. He catches himself a second later, though, looking a bit shy at having talked so candidly about himself, as if he isn’t used to sharing the details of his life with near-strangers — but Yeonjun takes in every word he says attentively, mentally noting down every little detail he lets slip about himself, trying to get one step closer to getting to know the elusive Choi Soobin a bit better.
Through two months of silent observation, Yeonjun had already acquired and started to assemble the bare pieces of the puzzle that is Choi Soobin: he already knows that Soobin studies in the vocal department, and is among their top students. He doesn’t have many friends in school, but is always kind and helpful regardless. He is popular and well-liked, and he’s always polite to anyone who approaches him, but he’s also painfully shy, preferring to avoid conversation and read in his free time. Yeonjun has found him countless times in the library, sitting in a corner with a book in front of him, glasses slipping down as he scrunches his nose at some unfavourable development in the plot. (Yeonjun quietly chooses a seat from where he can discreetly steal glances at the younger each time, and never ends up finishing the work he came to the library to do in the first place.)
As he encourages Soobin to talk more about himself though, he starts filling the empty spaces in between: Soobin tells him how a performance with his friends in middle school is what had sparked his love for singing, the rush he felt in that moment being unlike anything he’d ever experienced before. He tells him how his desire to stand on stage again had helped him overcome his crushing shyness enough to allow him to leave the comfort of his home and move to Seoul to pursue his dream. That isn’t to say he’s overcome it entirely though — he still finds it difficult to make friends or talk about himself for an extended period of time. (Neither of them mention the fact that Soobin has been talking about himself with Yeonjun for quite some time now. Yeonjun quietly takes it as a positive sign.)
“...And even though it’s been three years,” Soobin says softly, eyes downcast, “I still feel unsure as to whether or not I made the right choice. I mean… a career in singing seems to be a more suitable job for an extrovert, doesn’t it? You have to keep meeting new people, constantly interact with fans, and be confident enough to always showcase your best self to the world, right? I sometimes wonder if I’ll actually be able to handle it, you know." He stops suddenly and shoots a quick glance at Yeonjun, cheeks getting a bit pink, "To be honest, I really look up to you, Sunbaenim. I wish I could be more like you — you have the skills, the confidence, and of course, the looks to succeed in the show business industry…” Soobin smiles as he trails off, admiration clear to see in his eyes.
Yeonjun easily smiles back, his nerves finally disappearing at the praise. Now this is a reaction Yeonjun is used to. He's finally in his element.
Plastering his signature smirk back onto his face, Yeonjun runs his hand through his hair as he looks the other right in the eyes, saying, “Ah Soobinnie, you like what you see, huh?”
Yeonjun watches gleefully as Soobin sputters, a blush rising on his face as he tries to simultaneously deny yet agree with Yeonjun’s statement so as to not offend him. He laughs softly, waving his hand in dismissal.
“Ah it’s alright Soobinnie, when it comes to me, everyone likes what they see,” Yeonjun brags jokingly. The moment he finishes though, Soobin’s flustered movements stop, and he gives Yeonjun a deadpan look, clearly unimpressed.
Yeonjun falters at the uncharacteristic reaction from the usually sweet Soobin — he never expected the younger of all people to be sassy with him, especially not this soon. He collects himself quickly though — suddenly remembering how Soobin had basically implied that he himself wasn’t good-looking enough, Yeonjun immediately takes the opportunity to shoot his shot.
“Hey, you’re cuter than me, though.”
To drive his point even further, he finishes it off with a wink (nevermind that he just ends up blinking, instead) and focuses all his attention on Soobin’s reaction – who, in the meantime, has gone deathly quiet, eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights, blush returning with a vengeance. It only makes him look cuter, and Yeonjun squeals a bit inside his head.
Realising that Soobin looks ready to start denying what he just said all over again, Yeonjun continues, “I’m not lying, you know? You really are.”
At this point Soobin looks like his brain has literally short-circuited, his gaze becoming more and more incredulous by the second. Before either can say anything in return though, Yeonjun suddenly sees three tiny blobs running towards them from the corner of his eyes, one of them almost crashing into Soobin’s legs before he can fully stop himself.
Soobin holds out his arms to stop the boy — who Yeonjun finally realises is Huening Kai — from truly barrelling into him and accidentally hurting himself. He shakes himself out of his stupor and smiles warmly at Huening Kai, softly asking, “Done playing, little guy?”
“Mm-hmm!” Kai hums happily, “We played at the slides, Hyung, it was so much fun!”
“Soobin Hyung!” says the second blob as he approaches them – Taehyun, Yeonjun recalls, “Hyung, I beat Kai and Beomgyu! I climbed up the entire slide from the bottom while these two could only make it half the way!” Taehyun grins proudly, earning a hair-ruffle from the older as a reward.
“Oh yeah? Well I was able to swing the highest! I beat them too, Yeonjunnie hyung!” yells Yeonjun’s own little brother, panting after having raced the other two all the way across the park. “Good job, BG!” he bumps fists with Beomgyu, both exchanging gleeful smiles.
“I didn’t beat the other two in anything,” says Kai, who doesn’t look too disgruntled about that fact. “I just had fun!”
Yeonjun and Soobin laugh at that, exchanging endeared glances. A tug on his sleeve, though, makes Yeonjun break the eye-contact and turn to his little brother, who is pouting up at him.
“Yeonjunnie Hyung,” he begins, “Can we please do this again? Please?” He draws out the last word as long as possible, gaze beseeching and hopeful. The other two immediately join in, and the two elder boys suddenly find themselves caught in a chorus of three high-pitched voices who seem to have no plans of stopping until they get their desired answer.
“Alright, alright!” Soobin caves first, “I’ll talk to your mom, okay?”
The pleading immediately morphs into yells of glee, but Yeonjun interrupts, “Ah, but do you guys have to meet at the park? Why can’t you meet at home or something, that way I wouldn’t have to stay with you too.”
The younger three stop for a moment to consider the suggestion, but it doesn’t take them long to come up with an alternative: a second later, Beomgyu pipes up, “Wait, you guys should come to my house! I’ll show you my new dinosaur collection I was telling you about in school today!” He immediately turns to Yeonjun, beginning his litany of “please, please” all over again, wanting the older to talk to their parents to arrange a date.
In an unexpectedly bright moment, a light-bulb goes off in Yeonjun’s head, and he decides to once again use the opportunity he’s been presented with. Quickly assenting to his younger brother’s demands, he musters up his nerves again while the three boys celebrate, turning to Soobin as he says, “Hey, Soobin, since we’re the ones who’ll talk to the parents regarding arranging the dates… maybe you could give me your number so that we can directly coordinate with each other? It’ll be easier to plan things that way.”
Yeonjun waits as Soobin considers the proposition, and he’s starting to worry that perhaps he is coming on too strong. Before he can retract his words though, Soobin replies, “...Yeah, that makes sense. If you give me your phone I’ll save my number on it.”
A bit shocked that his idea actually worked, Yeonjun silently gives his phone to Soobin while the other hands him his. In another fit of courage, he cheekily saves his number in Soobin’s phone under the name ‘Yeonjunnie Hyung’.
Soobin’s eyes widen upon seeing the contact name, and anticipating the younger's questions, the elder begins, “Call me Hyung, Soobinnie, aren’t we close enough after today to get past all those formalities? Besides, our younger brothers are best friends. It’d be a bit weird for us to keep referring to each other as Sunbae–Hoobae, wouldn’t it?”
Surprisingly, Soobin doesn’t argue further. He only nods his head in acknowledgement, a polite smile on his face. “If you say so, Hyung,” he returns, and now it’s Yeonjun’s turn to blush all the way up to his roots.
“Um, well!” he shouts, flustered at hearing the word ‘Hyung’ directed towards him in Soobin’s sweet voice, “I guess we should get going now! C’mon Gyu, say goodbye!” He nudges his little brother, who waves obediently to his friends and Soobin, content to leave for now given the promise of a future meeting.
They all say their goodbyes, and Yeonjun promises to text Soobin the details when he gets permission for the playdate from their mother. The younger three part ways equal parts sad and excited, already deciding what games they want to play and what toys they want to show the other. Soobin smiles to himself at their antics, making a pinky-promise with Beomgyu to make sure that his aunt would allow the kids to have a day out. Yeonjun’s poor heart, which has already had more stress for the day than should be healthy, jumps in his chest at the sight. Soobin and Yeonjun save their goodbyes for the last, looking at each other with twin smiles on their faces.
“See you later, Soobinnie.”
“See you later, Yeonjun Hyung.”
Both turn to go their separate ways, a warmth budding in their chests.
Perhaps this crush wouldn't be as hopeless as Yeonjun thought, after all.
“So, how was it? You had fun, right?” Yeonjun asks Beomgyu as they walk back home. Beomgyu has always been a social butterfly, making friends with everyone he meets, but in his seven years of life so far, he has never been as close to anyone as he seems to have grown to Taehyun and Huening Kai in the span of only a few months. This was the first time he had asked to go out to play with the two, and Yeonjun is glad that his little brother’s new friends are sweet and trustworthy kids (with an even sweeter cousin brother, of course).
“Yes Hyung! I had so much fun! We were on the swings and…” Yeonjun listens and nods wherever appropriate as Beomgyu launches into a long and detailed description of everything the three did in the park, but he finds himself unable to fully focus, constantly rewinding the events of the day in his head.
Not only had he had his first proper conversation with his crush, but he’d also gotten to know more about him as a person, flirted with him, and had even managed to score his number. Yeonjun still can’t believe his luck, and neither can he believe the fact that he didn’t actually pass out (or away) as expected.
As he’s congratulating himself for his success, Beomgyu suddenly changes the topic, asking, “What about you, Hyung? Did you have fun with Soobin Hyung?”
Feeling a bit surprised at the sudden question but also touched at his brother’s concern, he takes a moment to collect himself and responds, “...Yeah Beomie, I had fun.”
And as he says it, he realises that it’s actually true. Despite all the panic and nervousness, he managed to keep a conversation going with Soobin for a whole hour, and to be honest, he wasn’t absorbed in it just because of his crush, but because he actually enjoyed talking to Soobin and getting to know him better. He instantly related to his love for the stage and performing, and despite being the top student of the dance department himself, he understood very well Soobin’s anxiety about making the right choices.
He really hasn’t clicked with anyone this way in a while. He only hopes that they can make something out of this.
“Yay Hyung!” Beomgyu continues, breaking Yeonjun’s chain of thought, “We both had fun, so it was a good day!” Yeonjun ruffles his hair fondly, earning a disgruntled glare from the younger, which he only laughs at.
“Anyway, Soobin Hyung seems nice. He even pinky-promised me that he’ll talk to Taehyunnie and Hueningie’s mom! I like Soobin Hyung. Hyung, do you like Soobin Hyung? Taehyunnie and Hueningie like him a lot too, they say he’s amazing and that he always treats them to food and buys them toys…” At this point he turns to Yeonjun, teasing glint in his eyes. “Hyung, you should buy me food and toys too, or I’ll start liking Soobin Hyung more than you!”
Yeonjun mock-glares at Beomgyu in response, and starts to tickle him while the younger does his best to squirm away without letting go of the elder’s hand. They play around for a few minutes until Beomgyu finally concedes defeat (“Okay, okay! I like Yeonjunnie Hyung the most! I’m sorry!”). Yeonjun sticks his tongue out at his younger brother, sighing happily as they resume their walk once again.
It’s as the sun begins to set for the day that Yeonjun finally remembers that Beomgyu had asked him a question. The response lies right at the tip of his tongue, his world coloured a soft shade of pink as he considers it.
“...Yeah, Gyu,” he says softly, more to himself than to anyone else, “I really do like your Soobinnie Hyung.”