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She couldn't. Joel wouldn't have wanted this, she was sure of it. She'd let Abby go, that filthy murderer. But...she didn't want to lose her humanity, or else the circle of revenge would never end. She had that little boy with her, which reminded her too much of her relationship with her adoptive father. So they could just leave. Killing her will never bring Joel back. Both women, and Lev, were seriously injured. With luck, the two ex-slaves would manage to join the firefly group. And with luck, the young woman would survive and return to Jackson.
With thoughts running through her head, Ellie was on her way to Jackson. The late afternoon sun gently warmed her bare arms and her face marked by the events of the past few years. Was Dina still waiting for her? And what would Tommy say? She was so afraid of disappointing them. What was she going to tell them? She didn't know yet. But the thought of it made her feel nervous. The worst thing about going back to Jackson must have been the memories she had there. Every scenery reminded her of moments she'd had with Joel. With Tommy, Dina and Jesse...those happy memories were twisting her stomach. She shook her head, no time for that. She had arrived. She looked up at the big gate that opened onto the fortified city. The emotion brought tears to the corner of her eyes, she hadn't been back here for months.
She got off her horse and after a moment's hesitation, she knocked three times against the big wooden gate. She felt tiny and vulnerable. She wondered if they thought she was dead. Yes, it had taken her a long time to come back after she had left. She first had to find Abby. And she had been badly injured after the fight. She had had to find medicine and surgery. Her hip wound had taken a long time to heal and so had both of her fingers. She was now healed and had made the trip here without any problems.
She heard noises coming from the other side of the gate, her heart quickened and after a moment that seemed endless, the big door opened and blinded the girl with the sunset light. A female shape stood in front of her, and Ellie placed a hand in front of her face to hide from the sun's rays and see who that person was.
That was Dina. Her eyes were filled with tears and with a hesitant step, she walked towards Ellie. She raised a shaky hand and put it on her girlfriend's cheek. She had tried to forget her, but the woman of her life had always been in the corner of her head. Every time the gate opened, she prayed it would be Ellie. She had started to lose hope, but it was really her, alive. Ellie burst into tears, she was back home.
"Oh, Ellie... "Dina gasped as she hugged her, she couldn't stop her tears either. Ellie had been so afraid to be alone again, but Dina was there in her arms. She loved her so much. Several people from Jackson arrived and seemed surprised to see her again. The girl also noticed Maria, who was helping Tommy walk up to her.
"Ellie...Goddamn it..." Tommy took her in his arms in turn, followed by Maria. Oh, Tommy felt so bad about ordering her to find Abby. Dina had been so mad at him, and Maria too. He had been so afraid that she would die because of him. That wasn't what he wanted. But there she was, safe and sound. There was a long silence, everyone was thinking the same thing. And Ellie gave them the answer.
"I couldn't...I let her go. " She confessed, almost in a whisper. She expected reproaches, insults, but she saw only relief on the faces of her loved ones. Ellie had chosen the light, and it had been the right thing to do. Dina put her hands on Ellie's cheeks and caressed them to calm her down. She seemed really scared.
"Ellie...You did the right thing. You'd better not leave like that again, though, or I'm going to kill you. "She replied with a smile, before putting her lips on hers. Ellie let out a sob before replying to her girlfriend's kiss. She then let herself be cuddled by her little family, it was so nice. She hadn't been hugged in months. She felt as if she had been soothed. But there was still something painful inside her.
2 months later
The young brunette was strolling peacefully in her bed with her baby, caressing his chubby little cheeks. It was well past 10 o'clock, but it didn't matter. Tommy had told them he didn't need them this morning. Dina thought Ellie was still asleep, but she wasn't. She had her back turned, but she could see her shaking. So she came towards her. After a tender kiss on the neck, she hugged her from behind.
"You had a nightmare, didn't you? "she asked. Ellie gently nodded her head and ran the back of her hand in front of her eyes. Her nightmares were often overwhelming. She turned, to face Dina, and buried her head in her neck. She felt her girlfriend's hand caressing her back to reassure her, it felt good. "I know what you need. "She added, Ellie looked up at her.
"What's on your mind...?
- Go back to the farm one last time. I left your guitar there." she suggested. It was obvious that Ellie had never mourned Joel's death and that this denial was hurting her. She lacked appetite, she slept poorly... Instead of denying it, she had to say goodbye to him, one last time. She had to break the bond she had with Joel. That bond, was music.
The young woman had the guitar in place, on her thighs and was looking off into the distance. She could never play it again. Joel loved music so much, and he had shared that with her, as he had promised. She remembered their last conversation. He was playing it too. But it was over, the bond was broken. She had to let Joel go, and leave that guitar behind. She got up and put her guitar next to the window.
"I forgive you, Joel. "She whispered to herself. She would continue her journey without him, but she would keep those memories in her heart. Forever. He had shown her what family was all about. And in turn, she would take good care of hers. One day, she would teach JJ to play guitar.