Work Text:
Friday, October 25, 1985
Sidewalk, Hill Valley California
Evelyn strode away from the teenaged couple, proud of her efforts. Sure, she hadn’t gotten much of a donation and she’d had to badger them for every last cent, but every little bit counted when it came to the chronically underfunded field of historical clock preservation. And Evelyn had never been shy about taking things into her own hands. Her daddy had taught her that, God rest his soul. He had always said that the only way to get anything out of life was to grab it by the horns, and Evelyn supposed he must have been right. After all, he hadn’t been called the toughest lawyer in Hill Valley for nothing, and he had served the county almost right up until the day he died.
In fact, he had used to work in the very building Evelyn was now trying to save. As district attorney, he used to have his office in the courthouse, with its stately pillars and large, dignified clock right at the very top, which the town was now planning to replace. Progress, according to some, but a travesty in Evelyn’s opinion. Her husband never did quite understand her love for the old clock. If he’d had to guess, he probably would have assumed it had to do with respect for her late father, and some kind of misplaced daughterly fidelity. The truth was at once simpler, and yet infinitely more complex.
Monday, Early June, 1955
Hill Valley California
It was the first day of summer, and Evelyn was already looking forward to September. Her waitressing uniform was hot and uncomfortable, and summer didn’t hold much promise for her— long shifts at the diner and her strict curfew made sure of that. As the only child of one of the wealthiest and most highly respected couples in town, she was expected to live her life in accordance with a strict set of rules. But a taste of freedom was just a year away. After she turned eighteen and finished her last year of high school, Evelyn would be enrolling at the nearest college. Her parents assumed her only intentions were to obtain the coveted M.R.S. degree, but Evelyn’s dreams went beyond snagging a wealthy husband from the ranks of the academic elite.
I’ll show them, Evelyn thought as she wrapped up a BLT in a napkin, keeping an eye on the last couple of stragglers from the daily lunchtime crowd. Carrying the sandwich with her, she made her way across the street to the courthouse. Her father had a worrying tendency to become completely wrapped up in his work, forgetting to eat until either her or her mother brought him something. For all his “tough guy” demeanor, he sure didn’t know how to take care of his basic needs without someone catering to him at all times. She rolled her eyes. What’s the point of men anyway?
As Evelyn entered the courthouse, she was greeted by the sight of a small group of uniformed construction workers, clustered around a set of plans and seemingly in the midst of a heated argument. Narrowly dodging the group, Evelyn barely resisted making a snide remark about the proper use of hallways before ducking into the relative safety of her father’s office.
“Evelyn!” he greeted her with a smile. “How’s your first day at the diner?”
“Already taking advantage of my employee discount,” she responded, holding out the carefully wrapped sandwich.
“Ahh, always looking out for me,” her father responded as he took the sandwich. “I should have stopped to eat hours ago, but I just got so caught up in work, and then some of those construction guys came by wanting to know if they could use the bathroom…”
“Why are they here, anyway?” Evelyn asked.
“Oh, they’re adding on some additional office space for some new assistant DA’s. They’ll be around all summer working on the addition,” he said, discarding the wrapping of his sandwich and taking a big bite. He paused, chewing. Evelyn waited, knowing that rushing him would only make him angry. Which wouldn’t have bothered her, really, but getting into an argument now would have just been a waste of time, and Evelyn abhorred wasting time.
“Good sandwich,” her father commented. “Anyway, it’ll be a huge inconvenience for me, all that noise and dust everywhere. At least the addition’s going on the other side of the building so I won’t have to move offices. And I can keep having my lunch delivered by my favorite girl,” he said with a wink to Evelyn.
“I can’t wait,” said Evelyn, trying to muster up some degree of sincerity as she contemplated a whole summer of being her father’s delivery girl.
They passed the next few minutes in idle conversation, before Evelyn looked at her watch and realized that her break was almost over. She said a hasty goodbye, left his office, and quickly strode down the hall, shoes clicking against the linoleum at every step. She was so focused on getting back on time that she nearly collided with the tall figure in her path.
Evelyn drew up short, rendered momentarily speechless by the sight before her. A woman, taller than she’d ever seen, dressed in a way she’d never seen a woman dressed before, in dark blue coveralls and work boots. Her dark hair was worn in a long braid down her back, and she carried a toolbox overflowing with precariously balanced tools. She had a smudge of dirt on one cheek, and for one crazy instant Evelyn had the urge to reach up and wipe it away.
Instead, she dug deep into her considerably large bank of good manners and social decency, and did what she had been trained from birth to do. She apologized.
“Sorry there, I didn’t see you!”
“It’s okay,” responded the woman. “You look like a busy lady. My name is Lou, what’s yours?”
“Evelyn,” she responded. Though she was momentarily torn between a deep-seated desire to be five minutes early to every obligation and a lifetime’s training in the art of meaningless small talk. Eventually politeness won out. “So what brings you to the courthouse?” she asked.
“Work.” replied Lou succinctly. Then, seeing Evelyn’s pointedly raised eyebrow, she continued. “I graduated from high school last spring. I’m spending the summer working for my old Uncle George’s construction company.”
“Oh, that’s so…” Evelyn trailed off, searching for a suitable adjective, her vast experience in navigating social niceties having left her strangely unprepared for describing the unfamiliar scenario of young women taking construction jobs right out of high school. “...family oriented?” she continued, weakly.
At this, Lou flashed her a dazzling smile. “Family oriented, that’s us all right. Couldn’t shake ‘em if I wanted to. You still in school?”
“Yes, I’ll start my senior year in the fall. After that I’ll go to college. But for now I’m working at the diner— that’s actually why i’m here. My father is the district attorney and I bring him his lunch every day. Now, excuse me, I haven’t been late for anything since I was ten, and I don’t intend to start now.”
She was almost out the door when she heard Lou’s reply.
“Well, I’m here all summer. I guess that means we’ll be seeing more of each other, doesn’t it?”
Evelyn paused for the briefest moment and glanced back at the speaker. Lou winked, and Evelyn’s heart sped up just a little. Winking was something that happened over milkshakes with over-confident football players, not in a courthouse hallway with a woman in dusty coveralls. Feeling as though her entire world had been abruptly upended, Evelyn stammered out “Sure. I guess we will.”
Friday, October 25, 1985
Sidewalk, Hill Valley California
...and she had seen more of Lou, that was for sure, Evelyn mused as she made her way towards the pair of elderly women chatting on the sidewalk. Easy pickings, she thought, gathering up her fliers and mentally preparing her speech on the importance of preserving the old clock face on the court building. The elderly are always more likely to care about history, and she could always manage to wrangle a dime or two out of the old biddies
She kept at it until nearly dark, then climbed into her car and started driving home. She turned on the radio, feeling curiously nostalgic as she turned to an oldies station. It reminded her of the old days, working in the diner.
I’m gonna rock rock rock…
Friday Afternoon, Early June, 1955
Murphy’s Diner, Hill Valley California
...around the clock, I’m gonna rock rock rock, around the clock…
Evelyn winced. It seemed like that song had been playing on repeat all afternoon, and nobody but her ever seemed to get sick of it. Her first week had passed by in a blur of jukebox tunes and ketchup bottles, and it was finally friday afternoon. Not that Friday means much to a waitress— Evelyn would be waking up bright and early on Saturday, just like usual. Still, the diner was nearly full of folks celebrating the coming weekend. Evelyn bustled around with the spirit of a woman whose life thrives on making order out of chaos,, never stopping to rest for longer than a few seconds in between taking orders, delivering food to tables, and mopping up spills when they happened. After only a week, she had already made the diner into her own little kingdom, and she ruled it in her usual efficient manner.
The song finished and Evelyn breathed a sigh of relief as a customer inserted a quarter and selected a slightly less ear-splitting tune. She turned towards the counter in search of a few extra napkins, when she noticed a familiar figure in blue coveralls, sitting at the counter and slowly sipping a coke.
Lou turned. “Evelyn!” she exclaimed, speaking loudly over the music and chatter of the busy diner. “I haven’t seen you around the courthouse lately.”
“I must have missed you,” said Evelyn. “We’ve been so busy lately that I’ve only had a few minutes to spend with my father.”
“Well, I hope I’ll run into you again soon,” said Lou. “Say, I’m new in town and don’t know much about the local attractions. Do you have any recommendations?”
“Well, there’s not too much to do in town. There’s a couple of bars on the outskirts of town, and a drive-in showing movies on Friday and Saturday nights.”
“I haven’t been to a drive-in in awhile. Could be fun,” mused Lou, looking thoughtful. “Hey, I could sure use a local guide. How about I pick you up after your shift and we go together? I’ve got my cousin’s truck, so we can drive,” she said, pointing through the window and indicating a rusty, mud-covered pickup truck parked directly in front of the diner.
“Well THAT’s certainly presumptuous. Not everyone has time to go gallivanting around the town all night! SOME people...” Evelyn’s diatribe trailed off when a young couple sitting in a booth to the side waved her down. “Excuse me for a second,” she called to Lou over her shoulder, already heading that direction. When she got there, she noted the way the couple laughed and joked with one another, playing around and clearly enjoying their summer more than her. After supplying their requested drink refill, she returned to the counter.
“Now where was I?” she asked Lou.
“Telling me exactly where I can stick my presumptions,” Lou replied.
“That is true, I was about to do exactly that... “ Evelyn trailed off, thinking, before straightening up in sudden resolution. “But you know what,” she said, hands on her hips and eyes blazing fire. “It’s summer, I’m seventeen, and I think I deserve some fun. Pick me up at seven. But you’d better clean that truck up a little before I’ll be seen riding in it.”
Lou snapped into a mock salute. “Yes ma’am!”
Friday, October 25, 1985
Evelyn’s home, Hill Valley California
Evelyn pulled the car into the driveway and parked, turning the key in the ignition with a sigh. Tommy’s car was nowhere to be found, so he must be working late. Again. She tried to work up some kind of feeling about it. Regret? Annoyance? Anger at having to eat alone yet again? Honestly, all she felt was a sense of relief. She looked forward to heating up some leftovers and eating one-handed with a cheap novel propped open in front of her. At least for one night she wouldn’t have to stare across the table at her husband over a plate of mediocre tuna casserole, desperately trying to think of something, anything to talk about
Had it always been like this? She mused, opening the cabinet in search of sustenance. She supposed their relationship must have been exciting, in the beginning. He had been a perfect gentleman, taking her out to dinner and the movies, and bringing her home at nine on the dot. But after years of marriage and two sons off to college, things had gone a little stale
Just as stale as these crackers, she thought, tossing the half-empty box of saltines into the trash. Tommy always hated wasting food, but what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. After all, he’s the one that’s late, now isn’t he? she thought, her little-seen vindictive streak rearing its head.
Disappointed by the selection in the cabinet, she turned to the fridge, resigning herself to three-day-old soup and a handful of carrot sticks for crunch. As she went to open the refrigerator door, she found a note scrawled out on a page ripped from a yellow legal pad, held to the fridge door with a magnet bearing the name of the local pizza joint.
Gone fishing with the boys, the note read. Back Sunday. Don’t wait up. - T
Well, he’s certainly concise, I’ll give him that. Once again, Evelyn waited for some kind of emotional reaction. But other than a brief spurt of annoyance that he hadn’t bothered to call, she didn’t feel much of anything at the prospect of being without her husband for the next 48 hours. Truth be told, she was looking forward to a weekend of working in the garden without interruption, and vacuuming the living room without any protests that she was drowning out whatever was on the television. She might even get to hand out some fliers without any grumbling that she was wasting her time.
Yup she thought to herself as she removed her soup from the fridge and closed the door with a decisive thud. She would be perfectly happy on her own, that was for sure.
Friday Evening, Early June, 1955
Murphy’s Diner, Hill Valley California
As she neared the end of her shift, Evelyn watched the door with some trepidation. Going to the drive-in with a relative stranger seemed like a risky move, even if the stranger in question was a girl, and a curiously friendly one at that. But still, she wiped down the counters for the next worker and hung up her apron. She was waiting at the door when Lou arrived in a freshly-polished green pickup, promptly at seven. Evelyn called a goodbye to her coworkers and headed for the truck, where Lou was getting out to greet her.
“Hello there,” she called, feeling a little as though she was doing something just a little against the rules. “I see you didn’t forget about me.”
“Me? Forget you? I could never!” exclaimed Lou, clutching her heart in a theatrically shocked display as she walked around the truck, opening the passenger-side door for Evelyn to enter.
Evelyn snickered. “You ought to try out for the fall play at the high school. I hear they do well with crazy people like you.”
“You wound me!” cried Lou, rolling her eyes back in her head, bending severely at the waist, and putting on her best impression of grotesque pain, before straightening up and resuming her trademark wide grin. “But speaking of wounds, be careful getting into the truck. There’s not a sideboard, and it can be a little hard to get in without falling. Can I help you?”
She held out a hand, which Evelyn accepted gratefully. Evelyn climbed into the vehicle with as much grace as she could muster, under the circumstances. Lou closed the door behind her and climbed into the driver’s seat. She twisted, placing her right arm behind the passenger seat as she watched the back window to reverse out of the parking space into downtown traffic.
It was a strangely intimate moment, sitting in silence with Lou’s arm behind her head. She needed to break the tension, and she frantically cast her mind around for something to talk about.
“So…” she said. “I like your truck?” It came out sounding like a question, and Evelyn hated her uncertainty.
Lou removed her hand from behind the passenger seat and shifted gears. Evelyn breathed a sigh of relief, but the it came with a strange sense of loss.
“Thanks,” Lou replied. “It’s my cousin’s. He’s doing a hitch in the Army so I’m keeping it running for him till he gets back. We’re both crazy about anything on wheels.”
“That’s so nice of him to lend you his truck like that,” said Evelyn. “Are the two of you close?
“Couldn’t be closer. Right now I’m working for his dad, my Uncle George. When he comes home at the end of the summer the two of us are going to pack up the truck and hit the road.”
“Going anywhere special?” Evelyn asked.
“Nah, that’s the fun of it!” Lou exclaimed. “I’ve never been outside California. We’re going to take our pay from the last year and just drive east, sleep in the back of the truck, stop anywhere that looks interesting. We’re going to drive until we find the prettiest place in the whole country. Once we do we’ll settle down— maybe work construction till we get up enough funds to start our own company.”
“Well, I don’t even know what to say to that,” said Evelyn. “Do you really not have any plan at all??? The whole thing sounds incredibly disorganized.”
“Eh,” said Lou, eloquently. “Organization is fine, I guess, but it’s not as fun as chaos.”
“Maybe for you,” said Evelyn, “But SOME of us like to have a plan. Like me, for example. Finish high school, go to college, meet a nice man, settle down and have some kids. See? No surprises. I like to know what’s coming next.”
Lou took one hand off the gear shift to scratch the back of her head. “Well, I guess I do see your point. But I still say sometimes you have to just throw caution to the wind and try something brand new, without knowing where it’s going.”
“You mean something like this?”
“Something like what?” asked Lou, puzzled.
“Something like this,” replied Evelyn, indicating first Lou, then herself, then the truck. “Something like climbing into a truck and heading to a movie with the first friendly stranger who asks!”
Lou chuckled. “Hey, it’s definitely not a bad place to start! But just so you know, I don’t intend to be strangers for much longer.”
They rode in silence for the next few minutes, until arriving at the drive-in. Lou went for popcorn while Evelyn adjusted the speakers, and the movie started in just a few minutes. But Evelyn struggled to pay attention. Because for some reason, Lou felt the need to keep up a running commentary throughout the entire movie. She pointed out her favorite moments of dialogue, assigned characters less-than-flattering nicknames, and even perpetually ranked her favorite hats as they appeared in the movie.
Halfway through, Evelyn gave up on trying to follow the movie. She turned to Lou, throwing a piece of popcorn at her, joking “Hasn’t anyone ever taught you how to watch a movie?”
“Hey, I said I don’t want to be strangers anymore! We have to talk if we want to get to know each other.”
“Hmm, all right then,” said Evelyn. “Then let’s get to know each other. Why do they call you Lou? Is it short for something?”
Lou scowled. “It is, but I’m never telling! Why are you called Evelyn? Three whole syllables, that just seems wasteful for a woman on the go.” She maintained her mock-serious look for one more beat, and then broke down and laughed at her own teasing.
Evelyn chuckled. “Well, I guess it is a mouthful. I’ve always been called Evelyn, even when I was a toddler. My family doesn’t really go for nicknames. My father doesn’t see them as quite respectable.” She paused for a moment. “I think maybe I’d like one though, if it came from a friend.”
Lou responded with a wink. “We’ll just have to work on that.”
By the end of the movie, Evelyn could not have told you her favorite line, or described the plot, or even say for certain which actors had been present. But she did know Lou’s favorite color (green), her opinions on pockets (never big enough) and the story of her first haircut (her oldest brother lopped it off with scissors when her mother wasn’t looking). And she found herself opening up to Lou in ways she never had before.
She found herself telling Lou about herself, too. She started with the basics— what classes she planned to take in the fall, the names of her two dogs, her favorite foods. But slowly, she found herself starting to share more and more. How old she had been when she’d gotten her first kiss. What it was like, growing up with a strict father, and no siblings to commiserate with. How she wondered, sometimes, what it would be like to break the rules.
But before she could give too much thought to what it meant that she was more willing to talk to a relative stranger than to friends she’d known her whole life, the movie came to an end. Evelyn gave Lou directions for how to get to her house, and they kept talking all throughout the short drive. Once they arrived, Lou parked in the driveway and shut off the truck. But before Evelyn could say goodnight, Lou turned to her with a smile.
“So… Same time next week?”
Evelyn hit her shoulder, lightly. “Again with the presumption!” She said in mock protest, but then turned towards Lou. “Yes, I think I’d like that.”
Lou stuck her tongue out before softening into a warm smile. “I look forward to it. Goodnight, Evie.”
*****
Evelyn spent the whole weekend counting down the hours until next Friday, but as it turned out she didn’t have long to wait. On Monday, when Evelyn brought her father his lunch, she also wrapped up a fresh-baked slice of pound cake for Lou. She didn’t believe in letting a nice time go by without a thank-you note, and she imagined Lou would appreciate cake far more than a carefully-penned letter on fancy stationery. She made sure to arrive early, giving herself time to drop off her father’s lunch and then track Lou down.
When Evelyn found her, she was demolishing a wall with a sledgehammer and an incredible amount of gusto. Evelyn called her over, and she came, calling out a greeting as she walked. She removed a hard hat from her head, running her fingers through her hair.
Evelyn reached out, presenting her with the cake, saying “This was about to go stale, so I figured you might want it.”
Lou took it from her, exclaiming “This looks fantastic! Just what I needed. Thanks so much.”
“I’m glad to do it,” said Evelyn. Consider it a thank you for an excellent time last night. Turns out sometimes your presumptions work out for the best.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” replied Lou, “Especially if I get cake out of it! And hey, speaking of my presumptions, I could really use a chance to get away from this place for a few hours. Want to go for a drive once you get off work? I promise the truck will be clean.”
Evelyn hesitated for a moment, and then gave in. “I guess we’ll give your presumptions another opportunity. I’ll see you soon!”
***
One after-work drive became two, and then three, and then four, until it was a tradition. There was practically nothing to do in the entirety of Hill Valley, so they just drove around aimlessly,, sometimes pulling over at particularly beautiful places, just to take in the sights. Lou seemed to know a hundred and one ways to pass the time in a moving vehicle, so Evelyn found herself participating in the kind of loud, rambunctious car games she used to consider juvenile. Evelyn— practical, levelheaded Evelyn, who had spurned imaginary friends and refused to listen to fairy tales past the age of six— found herself starting to dream. She became so used to traveling with Lou that she sometimes caught herself wondering what it would be like to travel with her cross-country. When she found her mind drifting in that direction, Evelyn had to give herself a stern talking-to. College, she told herself. You need to stay focused on the goal. But her traitorous mind craved adventure, and showed her countless images of herself and Lou, staying in motels, exploring the country, talking and playing games, becoming closer.
And that closeness escalated rapidly, emotionally as well as physically. In fact, it seemed like on each ride, Evelyn scooted just half an inch closer on the bench seats of the truck, until eventually their knees brushed. And once they broached the issue of one touch, more touches followed. Evelyn found herself grabbing Lou’s shoulder for emphasis, or playfully punching her leg after a bad joke. And Lou reciprocated, taking her hand off the gearshift to briefly rub Evelyn’s fingers in her own, or throwing her arm behind Evelyn’s headrest while backing out of a parking space, and leaving it there for just a moment longer than strictly necessary.
Evelyn found herself craving that touch, and seeking it out at every opportunity. She loved the feel of Lou’s callused hand in her own, and sometimes, late at night, she found herself imagining the feeling of those strong arms wrapped around her as she drifted off to sleep. An odd thing to think about, but she imagined it was nothing more than a touch of loneliness and a healthy dose of curiosity about a life so different from her own.
Gradually, the pair started to incorporate other activities into their routine. They went for walks, swam in the lake, had picnic dinners on long summer nights. Lou was a great listener, and soon Evelyn felt seen in a way she never had before. She felt as though finally, after seventeen years, someone truly knew her.
Friday, October 25, 1985
Evelyn’s Home, Hill Valley California
What a wonderful thing, to be known, Evelyn thought, as she started to brush her teeth. Being known is a kind of intimacy stronger than sex, in her humble opinion. She supposed that’s what people meant when they talked about being “known in the Biblical sense.”
She stood in front of the mirror, reflecting for a moment. To love is easy, she thought. She loved her husband, for the most part. She loved her sons. She had loved the old three-legged dogs her boys dragged in off the streets when they were kids, and she had loved the old pear tree in the corner of the yard. To Evelyn, love was really only a statement of caring, and an intention to continue on caring in the future. A lovely sentiment, she thought, but the act of loving without knowing is a picture of affection painted solely in the abstract. A swirl of mutual feeling without the effort put in to back it up.
Evelyn spit once into the sink, kicking herself for indulging herself in the kind of self-reflective nonsense she so rarely permitted. Self-reflection is the quickest way to realize you’re unhappy, she told herself sternly. And, Evie, you’re built your whole life on forced contentment.
She rinsed her mouth and looked into the mirror once more, unable to stop the thoughts in her head. To be loved is great, she thought. But to be known, oh… to be known. That takes work. And the work never ends, because human beings are not static characters on a page, who you can get to know once and then return to the page over and over again, confident that you will always find the same person you left behind when you last closed the book. No, the work of knowing is the work of constantly re-familiarizing oneself with a thousand different tiny shifts on a thousand different days, and it is learning to love each one. It is the work of building an unfailing trust, not in the love of some idealized version of the self, but a trust in the unfailing love of whatever self may be yet created.
Evelyn put her toothbrush down with a harsh and decisive clatter. Too much time alone always got her feeling overly philosophical. Really, if Lou had been around she would have nailed her between the shoulderblades with a wadded-up tissue and told her to quit being pretentious. But, really, she thought, if you can’t allow yourself a little pretension when you’re alone in your bathroom staring at your reflection in the mirror and wondering what good a new anti-wrinkle cream would do, when can you?
Friday, Early July, 1955
Drive-in Movie, Hill Valley California
One particular Friday would forever remain seared into Evelyn’s brain. After her shift at the diner, Lou had picked her up and they had gone to the drive-in. They arrived late, pulling into one of the last available spots in the very back, just before the movie began. This week it was something Evelyn hadn’t heard of— a romance between a tall, dashing gentleman and a plucky young lady. It was the kind of thing that would have captivated her attention just a few short weeks ago, but now she found her attention constantly drifting all throughout the first half of the movie. From the looks of it, Lou wasn’t faring much better. She was fidgeting, fiddling with the buttons on her shirt, playing with the catch of the glove compartment, and sneaking little glances at her companion when she thought Evelyn wasn’t looking.
Evelyn tried to refocus her attention to the screen, which was currently occupied by a larger-than-life projection of an absurdly long and dramatic kiss. The fictional couple was outdoors, on a busy street, but they seemed to only have eyes for each other. What would it be like, to kiss out there in front of God and all Creation? Evelyn thought to herself.
Giving up on even pretending to follow the plot of the movie, she turned to Lou instead. “Have you ever done that?” she asked, indicating the screen in front of them.
Lou started, not expecting the sudden question, but she tried to act cool. “What, kiss someone?” she responded. “Sure.”
“What was it like?” asked Evelyn.
Lou paused to think for a moment. “Well, it’s not always as great as it looks in the movies. Sometimes it’s sloppy, and awkward. But if it’s with someone you really care about, it can be the nicest feeling in the whole world. Even if your noses bump.”
Evelyn sighed. “That all sounds wonderful. But I’ve never gotten close enough to a boy to try it out.”
At this, Lou appeared strangely uncomfortable. She turned back towards the screen, sitting stiffly, as though holding herself up from sheer force of will. Evelyn assumed it was just one of her many quirks, and resigned herself to letting the unspoken question hang between them, unanswered.
But after several minutes had gone by, Lou spoke up again. Eyes rigidly forward, refusing to meet Evelyn’s gaze, she replied. “Kissing doesn’t always have to be with a boy.”
“Now hold on just a second,” Evelyn’s sharp mind worked overtime. “Lou, I’ll kill you if this is another one of your ridiculous riddles; I TOLD you I don’t see the point of making a game out of inefficient communication.”
But then, with a sudden burst of realization, Evelyn exclaimed “OH!!! You mean like The Well of Loneliness? The one about that Englishwoman, what was her name… Stephen, I think? Strange name for a lady, I always thought. My brother has that book stashed under his mattress, and he made me swear not to tell. But I got him back— I swiped it and read the whole thing while he was on a camping trip with the Scouts. It was the first time I’d ever heard about women who want to be... close… to other women.” Evelyn paused, absurdly proud of herself for deciphering the code.
Keeping her eyes trained on the screen, Lou nodded, once, with a quick up-and-down motion so sharp and neat it would only truly belong to the military, or perhaps to the expression of a woman deeply afraid and trying not to show it.
Evelyn’s thoughts raced. The events of the last few weeks flashed before her eyes as though something fundamental were about to die, and God only knew what would be born in its place. All at once, she saw Lou, opening the truck door for her, ready to take her on some new adventure. Lou, placing a careful arm around her shoulders. Lou, listening to every word she had to say, and understanding the words she couldn’t yet speak. And suddenly, Evelyn knew.
She spoke up, hesitantly, not quite ready to have her knowledge confirmed but even more afraid of what would happen if she kept it inside. “Do you think you might be… Like them? Like Stephen and Mary, I mean? From the book?”
For a moment, it seemed as though Lou hadn’t heard. But Evelyn saw the way her shoulders tightened, and saw her face take on a look halfway between rapture and heartbreak. Finally she turned, facing Evelyn for the first time in the whole conversation, and uttered a single word.
“Yes.”
Evelyn nodded once, then twice, briskly, businesslike, as though she was confirming her order at the butcher-shop. “Well then,” she said, “That makes things much easier. Because I think I am too.”
Lou studied her incredulously. “What… really? You? Are you sure?”
Evelyn nodded again, hiding her nervousness under a no-nonsense attitude. “Yes. I am. But you know, I do believe in the value of a thorough scientific process. So maybe you ought to kiss me, just to make sure.”
Lou looked like a woman not quite certain if she’s being made fun of or not. But she turned all the way towards Evelyn, who scooted down the bench seat of the truck until their knees were touching. Lou leaned in, hesitantly, as though at any moment Evelyn might back away and start screaming. Evelyn took a deep breath. It looked as though she was going to have to take things into her own hands.
So she did. She reached up, placing one hand behind Lou’s head and the other at her waist. She pulled Lou closer, using her hand to tilt Lou’s face down towards her. She leaned in, closing her eyes at the last moment before their lips met.
The kiss only lasted a moment, but it tasted like recognition, like self-discovery. LIke spending your whole life in overalls three sizes too big, only to step into a perfectly-tailored pair of slacks for the first time. Like a promise, that for one bare instant, Evelyn was no longer alone in the universe.
Evelyn pulled back. “Our noses didn’t even bump!” she exclaimed.
Lou laughed, breaking the tension before leaning in for another. This kiss was longer, deeper, hungrier. This time Lou pulled back first, with an air of regret.
“it’s probably not safe to do this here.” she said.
“Oh, everyone else is so busy doing the same thing I’m sure they won’t even notice,” said Evelyn practically.
“Still, it’s dangerous,” replied Lou. “Probably more dangerous for me than for you. I’m bigger, stronger, from out of town… If we get caught, it might not look good.”
“That’s utterly ridiculous!”! exclaimed Evelyn. “I’m the one who initiated this particular activity. But I do see your point, and I certainly wouldn’t want my father to find out.” She paused, turning over the beginnings of a plan in her head. “Are you still watching the movie?”
Lou blinked, startled at the apparent non-sequitur. “Umm… no. To be honest I don’t even think I could tell you that guy’s name,” she said, jerking her thumb towards the movie screen, where the male lead was driving a car.
“Good,” said Evelyn. “Then I know just what to do.”
Ten minutes later, they were on the steps of the courthouse, and Evelyn was fiddling in her purse. “I know it’s in here… AH-HA!” she shouted in victory, brandishing a key at Lou. “Daddy forgets things at the office all the time. He gave me a key so I can go in after-hours to get them for him on my way home from work or school.”
“So we’re going to kiss… in your dad’s office?” Lou asked.
“No, of course not,” said Evelyn, as she inserted the key into the lock. “Haven’t I always told you that you shouldn’t presume?”
“That you have, agreed Lou.”
Evelyn opened the door and entered, pulling Lou behind her. She then directed Lou towards a small, previously unnoticed service door at the end of the hallway and began ascending a narrow staircase.
“Where are we going?” asked Lou.
“The clock tower,” responded Evelyn. “There’s a little room behind the clock face. It’s really only used for the maintenance people, and hardly anyone ever goes in there,” she explained as they reached the top of the stairwell. She entered the room, pulling a string to turn on a single, bare lightbulb. “What do you think?”
Lou looked around. The room was dark and dusty, the high rafters casting long shadows on the uneven wooden floor. The clock face took up a whole wall, faintly glowing and throwing the shadows of backwards numbers onto the floor. It was dirty, and spooky. But it was private, and it was theirs.
“Perfect,” Lou said, taking Evelyn into her arms. “I’m kissing a genius.”
Friday, October 25, 1985
Evelyn’s Home, Hill Valley California
Evelyn laid in bed, thinking about that first time, up in the clock tower with Lou. She hadn’t been kissed like that before or since, and a part of her still missed it. She stared at the ceiling, wondering what it would have been like if things had gone differently. If she hadn’t been so insistent on following exactly the path laid out before her.
It wasn’t as though she hadn’t known, even at seventeen, what her life would look like. No, that had always been clear. For the most part, Evelyn liked that. She liked knowing what came next, having everything laid out neatly in her calendar— everyday events in blue ink, special events in red, birthdays underlined twice. Every day she woke up, she ate breakfast, she watched the news, and she did what had to be done. Neat, clean, efficient, no room for regret.
But that night, she allowed herself to remember, just for a moment, what it had been like, at the moment where things might have been different.
Summer, 1955
Hill Valley California
The rest of the summer proceeded much like it had begun, but this time with much more kissing. Evelyn and Lou spent most of their time together whenever they both had time off work. Lou would come by the diner whenever Evelyn’s day ended, opening up the truck door and helping Evelyn inside just as she had that very first day. They went all over Hill Valley, going on picnics, swimming in the lake, and lying in the bed of the truck as the sun set, watching the first stars begin to grace the sky before it was time for Evelyn to return home.
But for Evelyn, the whole summer centered around the courthouse. Every afternoon, she came by with her father’s lunch and a snack for Lou. They would meet in secret, exchanging a few quick words and a promise of more to come. In the evenings, after everyone had gone home, they would sneak up to the clock tower for some time alone. Evelyn insisted she was too good for kissing in filth, so they spent a whole afternoon cleaning— dusting, sweeping, tackling cobwebs with a vengeance. Evelyn even found an old rug at a garage sale, beating it free of dust and bringing it in to make the clock tower feel a little less bare, a little more welcoming. A little more like home.
Saturday, October 26, 1985
Evelyn’s Home, Hill Valley California
Evelyn spent most of Saturday working in the garden, relishing the chance to enjoy the crisp fall air undisturbed. She had a hearty lunch, and then tackled the indoors, cleaning briskly and setting everything to order. But later that evening, when the last side table was dusted and the last floor mopped, she found herself thinking back to Lou once more. And so, against her better judgement, she dug through the bottom of her closet, for a small package concealed inside an empty box of sanitary napkins: the one place she knew her husband would never dare to look.
The package hid postcards; stacks and stacks of them, all addressed the same way. The postcards’ bright pictures and cheery messages told a story. A story of a long, rambling journey, full of side-trips and unplanned adventures. A winding road that occasionally crossed, paused, or even backtracked, but a road that progressed haphazardly east until it finally came to a stop in North Carolina. Evelyn pulled out that particular note now.
Dear Evie, it read. Only one person had ever addressed Evelyn that way, and she missed it immensely. I hope you are well. Remember how I told you we’d stop when we reached the prettiest place in the country? Well, I think we found it— the Blue Ridge Mountains! Daniel and I found a crew in sore need of a couple strong backs, so I think we’ll pitch camp here for awhile. I’ve included a mailing address and phone number where you can reach me below— don’t be a stranger!
Yours,
Lou
And Evelyn had written often over the next few years, sharing hopes and dreams and fears. She wrote when she finished high school, and again when she finished college. Lou asked several times for her to come out and visit, or whether Lou herself could come to California to visit for a week or so. But it was always no. First it was school, and then college. And then Tommy came along, and their letters slowed to a trickle. Eventually the kids came, and Lou stopped asking. There was always an easy no between them, until finally Evelyn had to admit in to herself: she was afraid. Afraid of what Lou made her feel, but even more afraid of what Lou made her want. Because when you live a life built on settling for whatever you’re handed, wanting is a dangerous game.
August, 1955
Hill Valley California
Everything changed when Daniel came back to town.
It was the last week of summer, when all of Evelyn’s friends were shopping for new clothes and sharpening fresh pencils for the school year. Construction work at the courthouse was quickly coming to an end, and the crew were busy completing the final touches. It was a bittersweet time, when the days were long and hot and Evelyn was busy praying they would never end. She wished with all her heart that these days could be just for her and Lou to share, but it seemed that their partnership had abruptly gained a third member.
Lou was so excited to see her cousin again after so long, and spent hours showing him around Hill Valley. She was so happy that Evelyn couldn’t begrudge her the time, but she did insist on getting Lou all to herself on their last full day together. Evelyn took the full day off work, and they revisited all their favorite old haunts, bringing a picnic to the swimming hole, rambling around in the truck, and going for ice cream one last time. Evelyn sternly reminded herself not to cry.
By the late afternoon, they found themselves once more in the clock tower, lying on their backs listening to the clock mechanisms turn and watching dust motes dance in the fading sun. They alternated between talking and kissing, each trying to store up a well of affection for the future and pointedly trying to ignore the looming reality of Lou’s departure.
Eventually Evelyn broke their unspoken agreement. “I’ll miss you,” she said simply.
“I’ll miss you too,” replied Lou.
“I wish… I hope…” Evelyn stopped there, not able to put anything into words.
They let the silence hang between them for a moment.
Lou propped herself up on one elbow, gazing at Evelyn. “You know, I’ve put a whole lot of blood, sweat, and tears into this courthouse over the past few months.”
Evelyn nodded. “I know.”
Lou continued. It’s almost like this courthouse, this clock tower, they’re a part of me. Of us. So in the next few weeks, when you miss me, just listen for the clock. Every time it rings, just imagine that’s me, telling you how much I love you.”
***
The next day they packed up the truck. Evelyn came by with a picnic basket of snacks for the road. She helped the cousins pack up their last few essentials, and then Daniel climbed into the driver’s seat.
Lou and Evelyn faced each other, silently. Lou stabbed at the gravel with her toe. “Evie…”
“Don’t,” said Evelyn, holding up a hand. “I don’t like it any more than you do. I wish I could go with you.”
“Wait, hold on then,” Lou said, a strange new light in her eye. Her voice rose in excitement. “Come with us!”
Evelyn reeled. “What are you talking about, Lou? I have to finish school! I have to paint the sets for the fall play! I have to get married!”
“Evelyn, there are schools and plays in every state in the nation, even Wyoming! And not everyone has to get married, you know. We've got room for one more in the truck. We’ll shuffle some things around, run by your house and let you grab a bag, then we’ll be off!”
Lou opened the passenger door of the truck, holding out a hand as though to help Evelyn in. She stood as she had a hundred times before, waiting.
For just one moment, Evelyn allowed herself to want. She imagined what it would be like to climb in that truck. To sit squeezed between the cousins, unfolding the map with one hand and touching Lou’s knee with the other. To wave goodbye to her parents, and college, and her future husband. To see the world beyond Hill Valley, and explore the world within Lou’s eyes. That truck door had been opened for her a hundred different times that summer, and not once had she refused.
***
There’s a first time for everything, Evelyn thought to herself, as she climbed into bed that evening and desperately tried to silence her sobs.
Sunday Morning, October 27, 1985
Hill Valley Church, Hill Valley California
Sunday morning found Evelyn sliding into a pew like usual, with her second-best skirt and hair done up to perfection. The pastor liked to claim church was all about universal acceptance, but she knew for a fact that the gossips would love nothing more than to rip her apart over coffee hour if she dared look anything but her best. She didn’t pay much attention to the prelude, announcements, or the opening prayers, but when the liturgist stood up to read the first scripture lesson, something caught her attention.
“This reading is from the book of Ruth,” said the liturgist, pausing to shuffle her feet and readjust the microphone correctly. “Chapter one, verse sixteen through seventeen. These are the words of Ruth to Naomi, as she promised to journey with Naomi back to her people. Hear the word of the Lord.”
“Do not press me to leave you
or to turn back from following you!
Where you go, I will go;
where you lodge, I will lodge;
your people shall be my people,
and your God my God.
Where you die, I will die—
there will I be buried.
May the Lord do thus and so to me,
and more as well,
if even death parts me from you!”
Evelyn saw the scene so clearly in her mind. Two women, devoted to one another, about to embark on a risky journey. Two different worlds, two different realities, traveling together as one. How it could have been, how it should have been. An open door, a hand outstretched. A possibility.
To her great embarrassment, Evelyn started to feel tears well up. Before full-on waterworks could develop, she slipped out of the pew and out the door, taking refuge in the bathroom. She idly wondered how many other crying women had sheltered in that very room, drying their tears with toilet paper and touching up mascara in the mirror before returning.
Evelyn stayed in the bathroom for a long time, weeping silently. So long that she considered leaving church entirely. But she mustered up the strength to return to the sanctuary, slipping inside just as the last strains of a hymn faded.
She took her seat during the first few words of the prayers of the people, focusing on keeping it together instead of paying attention to the minister’s words. Until he mentioned a familiar name.
“George Fredrickson has passed away after a long battle with liver cancer. He was well known for his construction business, and he was doing repairs on this very church until he was well into his eighties. We offer prayers for him and his family. The service will be this Monday at three. In lieu of flowers…”
For the second time in a single church service, Evelyn felt as though she could no longer breathe. Lou’s Uncle George, dead? The whole family would have to be there for the funeral. Could that mean....
No, Evelyn told herself firmly. She hasn’t been back to this town in thirty years, she certainly won’t be back now.
***
Evelyn didn’t go to the memorial service. She hadn’t known Old George well, and she didn’t know the family either. Not anymore. Besides, if she had gone, she would have spent the whole time looking, and been desperately disappointed when she didn’t find what she was looking for.
Instead, she poured all of her energy back into her clock preservation work. On Monday, she drew up new, more eye-catching fliers. And on Tuesday, she went downtown right at four in the afternoon, when people were starting to trickle out of work. She stayed for two hours, until the last of the stragglers were leaving their offices.
Evelyn was about to pack up and head home for the day when a sudden gust of wind blew her stack of flyers to the ground, scattering them in all directions. She cursed under her breath, diving to recover as much of the stack as she could before they were lost. Printing is more expensive than you’d think, and Evelyn hated to waste money. But just as she knelt to the sidewalk, a hand tapped her on the shoulder. She glanced backward, taking barely a second to absorb the sight of a tall, middle-aged woman clad in dark jeans, a brown leather jacket, and a baseball cap pulled low, before she turned back to her task, distracted by her rapidly-dispersing flyers. The stranger knelt to help, remarking “I heard you’re the lady to talk to about saving the old clock tower.”
Evelyn froze. She knew that voice. She turned, rising to her feet, hardly daring to believe the sight before her. It wasn’t exactly the same as she remembered, that was for sure. Once-black hair had gone mostly gray, and wrinkles had formed around the eyes that hadn’t been there before. But as Evelyn watched the leather-clad woman rise to her feet, the implausibly massive height became strangely familiar. Even more familiar was the crooked grin, and those eyes.... well, some things were exactly as Evelyn remembered. Overcome with a sudden surge of emotion, the likes of which she had scarcely felt in the last thirty years, Evelyn threw her arms into the air, scattering fliers to the wind like some kind of haphazard, clock-themed confetti, for once entirely forgetting to give a damn about historical preservation. After all, what good is a dusty old clock when you’re with someone who makes time stand still?
“LOU!!!” She cried, as soon as her brain managed to connect to her vocal cords. “YOU CAME BACK!!!” Feeling more like a child reunited with a favorite playmate than a respectable PTA president and clock-preservation advocate, Evelyn promptly abandoned a lifetime of propriety for a moment of unadulterated joy. She tackled the unsuspecting Lou in a massive hug, almost managing to send herself careening to the ground before Lou caught her, wrapping her in arms every bit as strong as Evelyn remembered. Almost unconsciously, Evelyn found herself back in her old familiar spot, head tucked under Lou’s chin and arms twining around her waist. After all these years, we still fit, she mused, with a feeling halfway between contentment and glee.
But a lifetime of respectability and good sense doesn’t just vanish in an instant. And really, what would the neighbors say? Tackling people and yelling in the streets, at her age? After a long moment, Evelyn pulled back, stammering apologies. Seeming remarkably pleased by the interaction, Lou tucked her thumbs into her belt loops, leaning back on her heels and dismissing Evelyn’s apologies with a wave of her hand.
“Hey there, Evie.” she said. “Good to see you remember me.”
“Remember you?” Evelyn responded, with a distinct note of incredulity. “A day hasn’t gone by without me thinking of you. Why, when I heard your poor old Uncle George had passed on, I just started getting my hopes up that it might mean you’d be headed this way. I’ve been wanting to see you for so long.”
Lou smiled. She took her hat off and rifled her fingers through her hair, a sight which had Evelyn curiously weak at the knees.
“Well then,” Lou said, looking, just for the moment, a little shy. “Well then. I’m back, and I’ve seen Old Georgie honored and buried. While I’m here, it sounds like we have some catching up to do. Will let me buy you a cup of coffee? For old time’s sake?”
Evelyn stood, staring up at Lou, who was now holding out a hand in wordless invitation, looking for all the world like she had that one hot August day, the last time they said goodbye. Barely a hand’s span away, and yet, between them a lifetime of almosts and maybes. The world came to a stop as Evelyn thought back on the last thirty years of her life. Thirty years of doing the expected thing, of denying her own desires in favor of everyone’s wishes but her own. But when she saw Lou, when she looked into those gentle blue eyes and watched the faint glimmer of hope contained there, she gave in. She allowed herself, finally, to want.
And oh, how did she want. She could barely breathe for wanting. She wanted adventure, and fun, and big sweeping romance. She wanted milkshakes and drive-in movies and nights under the stars. She wanted a warm home with a porch swing and someone she loved at the door and she wanted to burn every pair of heels she owned and she wanted she wanted she wanted until she found herself overcome. After a lifetime of repression, she found herself awash with the limitless possibilities of desire, and it was exhilarating. But she found, as she reached out, placing her hand in Lou’s, that at that one particular moment in time, there was nothing in the world she wanted more than a good cup of coffee with someone she loved.
And so, finding herself abruptly out of the business of self-denial, she squared her shoulders. She squeezed Lou’s hand. And she answered the question.
Yes.