Chapter Text
Captain’s personal log Stardate: 4226.5
In spite of my protests, and I’ll admit, some shameless pulling of rank, Dr. McCoy has ordered me to take a week of R&R. He claims that the physical and mental strains of dealing with the conflicts on Neural have left me exhausted and on the threshold of being unfit for command.
I would never admit it to him, but he may be right. My body is bruised and sore and although I think that I’ve managed to keep it from McCoy, I am troubled by a strange weakness.
I know that I haven’t fooled Spock, though. Somehow he always seems to be able to sense when I’m in trouble. Lately, I catch him watching me when he thinks I won’t notice. It’s unsettling, but kind of reassuring. At least if I fall over on the bridge, I know that my first officer will be there to catch me.
I keep going over our mission to Neural and wondering what I could have done differently. It isn’t like me to have second thoughts, but I can’t help questioning whether I made the right choice to arm Tyree. My sleep is troubled by nightmares. I dream of destruction and death for Tyree and his people. Maybe McCoy is right. Maybe a week on some quiet planet, away from the constant demands of the Enterprise will do me some good. I just wish that I didn’t feel so uneasy about leaving alone...
I realize that Mr. Spock must remain on the ship, in command during my absence, and I would never admit my uneasiness to McCoy. That would really give him grounds to poke around inside my head. So, I find myself off on my own to Semfon II for a little R&R.
I’ve always wanted to investigate the nature preserve on that planet. No communicators, no transporters, no technology of any kind, just nature in its purest state. I’m planning an easy week of camping and hiking to clear the cobwebs. The ship will be on a routine mapping mission in the sector for the week and will return to pick me up at the end of my leave.
“Ready when you are, Captain.”
Mr. Spock stood at the transporter controls, waiting for the signal to energize. He wanted to wish his friend a pleasant shore leave. He knew that the captain was in need of a rest. Spock had noticed the dark smudges under the captain’s eyes and the strained way he moved about the ship when he thought no one was looking. He could sense the enormous effort that the captain was expending in order to appear as if he was not troubled. It was easy to forget how much responsibility Jim Kirk carried on his sturdy shoulders until a situation like Neural occurred, and his crew was forced to watch him try to solve the insoluble.
Spock had even taken the unprecedented step of expressing his concerns to Dr. McCoy. McCoy had reassured him that Kirk had completely recovered from his ordeal with the Mugato. The captain’s difficulties were simply a result of being overstressed mentally and physically. A week of R&R on Semfon II was just what the doctor ordered. In fact, the Doctor had ordered it.
Just as Spock started to wonder at McCoy’s absence, the swish of the doors to the transporter room signaled his arrival.
“Couldn’t let you go without a send-off, Jim,” drawled the smiling McCoy. “I almost envy you your leave, but I still can’t understand why the blazes you picked this backwards dirtball for a vacation? It’s not really your style.”
“Let me remind you Bones, this R&R was your idea." Kirk smiled tiredly at his two friends. “I know that camping isn’t how either of you would spend your leave, but you know, right now I can’t think of anything I’d rather do.
Remember, I’m an Iowa farm boy at heart, even though these days I spend my most of my time wrapped in this magnificent cocoon of technology.”
The captain paused and when he continued softly, he almost seemed to be talking to himself.
“I treasure my life here, but.... The Enterprise thinks for us, she breathes for us, she protects us, she even fights for us. And even with all that technology, sometimes we still can’t fix things. I need to remember what it feels like to do some of those things for myself.”
Seeing the worried look on McCoy’s face he quickly added with a grin, “Relax Bones, after a week on Semfon II, I'll be itching to get home, probably literally. No showers, remember? Besides, how can anyone get into real trouble on a planet where you can’t even use a communicator, much less a weapon?”
“Captain” interrupted Spock, “Semfon II signals ready for your transport” “Energize, Mr. Spock, and see you both in a week. Happy mapping.”
The captain’s grin dissolved in a column of golden sparkles, leaving McCoy to think quietly to himself, “Trouble’s your middle name, Jim.”