Work Text:
Sam has created a chat
Sam has added Dean, Castiel, (Y/N)
Sam: Guys
Sam: Guys guess what
(Y/N): Did you get anywhere on the research?
Dean: Yeah we're not finding anything useful
Sam: No but I found something better
Castiel: What is it, Sam?
Dean: hold on
Dean has changed 'Castiel' to 'Cas'
Dean: it was making me uncomfortable. carry on
Sam: Guys
(Y/N): What
Sam: Riddles
Dean: ...
Dean: . . .
Dean: Sam ppl r literally dying as we speak wtf
Sam: Dean ppl r dying literally whenever we speak and we have no leads just let me have this
(Y/N): are they.........are they good riddles
Sam: .........yus
(Y/N): gimme
Sam: What can you take from a man who has nothing?
Dean: *takes your laptop*
(Y/N): *takes your 2-in-1 shampoo/hair conditioner*
Sam: You already do that
Lucifer has joined the chat
Lucifer: *takes your soul*
Dean: TOO FAR
Sam: ...
Lucifer: Hiya Sammy
Lucifer: Deano
Lucifer: Cassie
Lucifer: (Y/N) 🖤 (black heart emoji)
(Y/N): 🖤 (black heart emoji)
Sam: ...
Sam: bitch
Dean: someone say jerk before the universe collapses
Cas: Why would the universe collapse unless someone says 'jerk?'
Cas: Dean?
Cas: You're such a child.
Cas: Jerk.
Dean: thank you
Lucifer: (Y/N) why does sammeh hate meeeee
(Y/N): Hmmmmmmmmidk
Sam: oH YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU DID?? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU DID!!
Lucifer has been disconnected
Sam: serves him the fuck right. thirstyass ho
Castiel: ???
Sam: The answer is his virginity
Castiel: ?!?!?!
Dean: smooth transition there
Sam: Shut up
(Y/N): Wait but like,,,,,,,how
Sam: If he has nothing, then he doesn't have sex
Cas: That is a paradox.
Sam: Stfu
Cas: What does that mean?
Dean: don't worry about it
(Y/N): Hey Sam remember that job we were working? That job that saves peoples lives? That job?
Sam: Fine
Lucifer has joined the chat
Lucifer: the wifi down here is no bueno
Sam: Leave
Sam: You are not welcome here
Dean: got'em
Cas: The lingo here is very strange. It is as if the laws of grammar and spelling do not apply. I shall document my findings.
Dean: never say lingo again
Sam: The power of Christ compels you to gtfo
Lucifer: (Y/N) Sam's being a big meanie help
Lucifer: (Y/NNNNNN)
Lucifer: halp meh pls
Lucifer: dark princess most amorous where u go
Sam: You're too late. She can't hear you now
Lucifer: wHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY LOVE
Dean: you'll never know
Cas: Sam stole (Y/N)'s phone.
Dean: CAS
Cas: She is in the process of getting it back. Sam is too tall. She cannot reach.
Lucifer: give her baaaaaaack
Lucifer: wait
Lucifer: is she jumping?
Dean: why
Lucifer: I like it when she jumps...
Cas: She is jumping.
Dean: dude that's so weird that's not even a kink stop
Lucifer: 😈 (smiley devil emoji)
(Y/N): Ha she left her phone open
(Y/N): I'm gonna scroll through her camera roll
Lucifer: sam I swear to dad you stay out of that daddamn camera roll for your own safety as much as ours
Lucifer: and give my princess back her phone
(Y/N): ha ha no
Dean: sam don't do it
Cas: This all sounds very inadvisable.
(Y/N): I'm gonna do it
Sam: bitch I will cut you
(Y/N): It's too late. I'm gonna open the app
Lucifer: princess?
Sam: Yeah. Daddy Longlegs left his phone on the table
Lucifer: dont call him that.
Dean: how did you get into it tho?
Sam: Really easily actually. His password's 327&/!;7,@@2?92$hsitvskfgh
Lucifer: PRINCESS?
Sam: Take back your tainted device you foul woman
Lucifer: yes return my bb
Dean: Sam explain
(Y/N): babe hi
Lucifer: 💖 (sparkly heart emoji)
(Y/N): 💖 (sparkly heart emoji)
Sam: you two are gross
Lucifer: 👿 (frowny devil emoji)
(Y/N): our pictures r cute what r u talking about
Dean: sem explen
Cas: Please do not explain, Sam.
Sam: I need to bleach my entire body
Lucifer: do it
Dean: Sammy pleeeeease?
Sam has sent Dean a private message
Dean has left the chat
(Y/N): oh shit he's running
Dean has joined the chat
Dean: WHAT FHE FUCK MAN RHATS UNNATURAL (Y/N) ARE YOU OKAY DOESNT THAT HURT??!?!!??
Dean has left the chat
Cas: One could even say...Supernatural.
(Y/N): Leave.
Cas has left the chat
(Y/N): no wait Cas
Lucifer: I would never hurt my princess!
Lucifer: Unless she wants me to ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Sam: pls no
(Y/N): pls yes
Cas has joined the chat
Cas: What is 'pls?'
Sam: Please
Cas: Please what?
Sam: ...
Sam: nvm
Cas: ???
Sam: Never mind.
(Y/N): give up
Cas: I am very confused.
Sam: pls = please
Cas: I see. I will remember that.
Lucifer: hey (Y/N)
(Y/N): Yes love of my life?
Lucifer: if there were a cute police they'd shoot you on sight for being so darn adorable
(Y/N): Aw babe ily
Lucifer: ily2
Cas: I do not understand.
Sam: Perhaps it's best that it stays that way
Sam: Also (Y/N) I'm worried for your safety
Lucifer: sam if there were a cute police they'd hit you with their car but not because you're cute just because they want you to not be alive
Sam: why tho
Lucifer: my bb is safe and sound
Cas: Your compliments all end in her dying. That is not healthy.
Lucifer: false
(Y/N): He has a point, babe
Lucifer: aw babe im sorry
(Y/N): it's okay apology accepted
Sam: i hate both of you so much
Lucifer: Awwww Sammy doesn't loooove uuuuuus?
(Y/N): I don't think he dooooooes
Sam: Fuck yourseeeeeelves
Cas: What a fascinating interaction.
(Y/N): Seriously tho we should really get to work. And get Dean
Cas: I will go find him. He ran off in the direction of the laundry room. I'm worried for him.
Lucifer: Destiel?????
Cas: No, my name is Castiel.
Sam: right over his head
Lucifer: i noticed
Cas: why are we talking like this?
(Y/N): Dean must be really worrying right now out in a room far away on his own. Cas, go find him.
Cas: That is a good idea. I'll go do that.
Cas has left the chat
Lucifer: that's not the only thing he's gonna go do
Lucifer: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Sam has left the chat
(Y/N): You've scared him away
Lucifer: i tend to have that affect
(Y/N): I Wonder What Could Have Inspired It
Lucifer: Havent The Foggyest
(Y/N): mhm
(Y/N): Anyway I gtg work so...
Lucifer: But I wanna seeeee youuuu
Lucifer: Take the warding downnnnn
Lucifer: pleeeeeeease?
(Y/N): ...
(Y/N): give me five minutes
(Y/N) has left the chat
Lucifer: 😈 (smiley devil emoji)
Lucifer has left the chat