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mark used to think he had everything figured out.
despite the constant twists and turns of schedules with both nct dream and 127, he had everything pretty much completely under control. he knew where he stood in life, he had an understanding of his feelings, and he was content.
he and donghyuck were a thing, back then. in late 2016, 17 and 16 year old mark and donghyuck decided it would be a cool idea to date.
things were okay in the beginning. as all awkward teenage relationships go, they were blinded by each other, no longer paying attention to what was going on around them, and instead focusing on each other. mark thinks that was the first mistake they had made.
actually, no. their first mistake was dating at all, at the ages they were, in the career they were in.
six months of fleeting kisses and hand holding passed, and then things crashed.
mark doesn't know how it started, when it started, who started the first fight, but he does remember one person’s role in it all. taeyong.
back in summer of 2017, mark was upset with taeyong. he remembers the leader sitting them down and telling them not to be careless. telling them not to slip up. telling them that they needed to think about what they were doing.
17 year old mark was not level headed. 17 year old mark got up and left without a word. present day mark thinks that was the second mistake.
the more time mark and donghyuck spent with each other, the more bored they got. they didn't talk as much, they clashed over small things, the hand holding and kisses stopped and were instead replaced by distance between them.
when donghyuck broke up with him, mark walked out. he knows that was the third mistake. he should've stayed, he should've talked to him. instead, immature 17 year old mark walked out of donghyuck’s room without a word.
they didn't tell anyone at first, but the tension between them was painfully obvious, so much so that the manager had to speak to donghyuck and mark separately to tell them to get their act together.
the fans started figuring things out, too. they had called it the markhyuck summer fight, which was probably an understatement. what had been going on between the two had begun in april, and then led to them breaking up in may.
at some point, taeyong cornered mark, asked him to tell him what happened. all mark remembers from then is him breaking down and telling taeyong everything. he had gone to bed that night with red rimmed eyes, an extra presence in his bed (taeyong had insisted on staying with him), and somewhat of a weight off his chest.
despite the talks with the managers and mark’s rant to taeyong, they did nothing about their relationship. they avoided each other as much as possible, and put on an act for the fans. after all, they were idols. putting on an act was their entire career.
mark specifically remembers one night when he walked into the 127 dorm after staying late at practice to go over some things with the choreographer. donghyuck was there, on the couch, watching some disney movie on the tv.
they had met eyes, then. mark knows he should've said something. he knows that it was the perfect opportunity for them to speak to each other. he knows that if he had stayed, they would've fixed it a lot sooner than they did.
yet, again, mark was a coward. he averted his eyes and just kept walking, right into his room (well, he thought it was his room. doyoung wasn’t really surprised to see mark in his bed).
one night in late august, there was a turning point.
as usual, mark was restless. he couldn't sleep, his thoughts seemed to be flooding through his entire body and he felt more awake than he ever did during the day.
he remembers walking to the kitchen and seeing donghyuck standing at the counter, pouring himself a glass of water. he doesn't really remember why donghyuck was on the tenth floor that night, but he was.
mark had accidentally bumped into the counter, then. donghyuck turned and met eyes with him, and he had stared for a few seconds before turning back.
after that, donghyuck had reached for the cabinet, grabbing another glass. mark was confused at that point, too much in shock to really process what was happening. however, next thing he knew, the younger had set the new glass of water in front of him. “get some rest, mark.”
mark remembers saying a small thank you, and he definitely remembers the small smile on donghyuck’s face when the younger left the kitchen.
the morning after that, when they were eating breakfast together, donghyuck and mark were sitting across from each other. mark had taken one of the eggs from his plate and placed it onto donghyuck’s, as a way of thanking him for last night. donghyuck had smiled, and mark returned it.
things started becoming better from then. they never really spoke to each other, but they did start doing small acts for each other. if donghyuck was getting tired, mark brought him some water and food. if mark stayed back late at the studio, donghyuck would wait for him on the tenth floor and then retreat to his own room.
stress was slowly melting away from their relationship, and was instead replaced by fondness.
yet again, mark thought he had everything figured out. he knew where he stood, and things were beginning to seem like how they were in the past.
however, somewhere around the time donghyuck and mark started getting closer, mark met a trainee.
well, he wasn't necessarily a trainee. he was set to debut in nct in 2018, with two others.
the boy’s name was jungwoo. he was soft spoken, shy, polite. he was small, then. even smaller than taeil. mark had called him “pretty boy” in his head back then.
(present day mark still does, just not in his head.)
soon, jungwoo was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. you'd think that since jungwoo was in the same unit as mark, he would see him more. however, that wasn't really the case.
jungwoo was nowhere in the fact that mark only saw him during practices and schedules. he was everywhere in the fact that mark couldn't get him out of his head.
time passed. jungwoo grew taller, and also gained confidence. his shyness and quiet voice stayed the same, but his presence grew louder. he started cracking more jokes, initiating skinship, hanging out with the members, even going as far as playful flirting.
despite all of these changes, jungwoo was still jungwoo. if anything, he was becoming more like
himself, opening up to those around him and letting others see him for who he was. weird, but in a good way.
mark also remembers when jungwoo went on hiatus.
it was summer of 2019. one day during practice, jungwoo wasn't acting the same. he was fidgety, he was shaky, he was brushing off everyone who tried to touch him and wasn't keeping up with the choreography.
the next day, jungwoo didn't show up to practice, and his hiatus was announced.
“health concerns” was the term the company used.
mark doesn't know what happened, and that's okay. it was jungwoo’s business, not his. sure, he was curious, but everyone wants to know things they can't know about.
all mark knows for sure is that when jungwoo came back, his hugs were stronger than ever, his smile brighter, and mark thinks that's when he started to fall.
months passed, nct gained two new members and welcomed the rest of wayv, and mark still couldn't stop thinking jungwoo, jungwoo, jungwoo.
with his superm promotions, mark doesn't have the chance to see him as much as he used to, but he had learned to accept that fact a long time ago. going into your career as an idol, there are some things you need to sacrifice.
just because mark accepts it doesn’t mean he likes it, though.
eventually, donghyuck cornered him in his room and asked him what was wrong.
that's how mark ended up where he is now, in the present, sitting on his bed while his best friend stares at him.
“there's nothing wrong, hyuck.”
donghyuck snorts, an eyebrow raising. he doesn't respond to mark’s claim.
mark sighs, grabbing a random pillow and tossing it at the younger. “dude, seriously. nothing’s wrong.”
donghyuck dodges the pillow, and it lands slightly behind him on the bed. “sure, hyung. so why does it look like someone stole your puppy?” donghyuck asks, leaning back and propping himself up on his elbows.
“i don't have a puppy.” mark mumbles, letting himself fall back against his pillows.
donghyuck grins. “you do. it’s jungwoo hyung.”
mark involuntarily frowns at the mention of the older, and donghyuck takes note. “it's a jungwoo thing, isn't it?” the maknae asks.
“you say that as if i've had a jungwoo thing before.” mark says, making eye contact with his best friend.
donghyuck’s smile just grows. “it's totally a jungwoo thing. you miss him, don't you?”
mark stops looking at donghyuck and instead focuses on the ceiling. “of course i do. i miss all of the hyungs, though-”
“but you don't have crushes on all of the hyungs.”
mark’s ears burn. he keeps his gaze on the ceiling, and he takes in a deep breath. “i don't have a crush on jungwoo hyung.” mark says quietly.
donghyuck sits up, patting mark’s leg. “i know you, hyung. you said it yourself that you miss jungwoo the most when you're away.”
“just because i said that doesn't mean i have a crush on him,” mark argues, “besides, aren't we too old for crushes?”
the younger hums, repositioning himself so he's laying next to mark. he attaches himself to the older, arms and legs wrapping around him like a koala. “okay, well, you have feelings for jungwoo.”
“i don't.”
“mark.”
“it's mark hyung.”
donghyuck playfully hits mark in the chest. “okay mark hyung, who do you have feelings for then?” donghyuck teases.
“let's sleep, donghyuck.”
“you're avoiding the question.”
mark glares at donghyuck. “i really don't want to talk about it, hyuck. can we drop it?” mark asks.
donghyuck’s smile drops and his eyes show concern. “yeah, shit, sorry. i got too carried away with the teasing. i won't bring it up anymore.” donghyuck says, tracing a circle on mark’s arm.
donghyuck falls asleep immediately after. mark sits and thinks for three hours before falling into a restless sleep.
-
true to his word, donghyuck doesn't bring it up. however, he never misses an opportunity to tease mark.
“you look like shit, hyung.”
mark glares at donghyuck, and taeil lightly hits donghyuck’s arm. “don't cuss and don't be mean.” taeil chastises, and donghyuck sticks his tongue out at the older.
when mark doesn't give a response, donghyuck kicks him under the table. mark jolts in his seat, swearing quietly.
“you okay, mark-ah?”
mark really does not want to turn to his left right now, because if he did, he would end up face to face with the same person who’s been haunting every single one of his thoughts.
“uh- yeah. bit my tongue.” mark lies, refusing to face the older.
jungwoo hums. “want me to kiss it better?”
mark sees his entire life flash before his eyes, and then he chokes on the water he was just drinking. donghyuck starts laughing uncontrollably, jaehyun nearly tips over his glass and yuta drops his fork.
taeil sighs, practically stabbing his pancakes with his fork. “one breakfast. i want one peaceful breakfast.”
mark swears he just saw god, and he quickly mumbles a prayer under his breath.
then, mark makes the mistake of looking at jungwoo, and he is immediately met with the older’s soft smile, soft eyes, soft cheeks, soft everything, and he can practically feel his ears melting off.
donghyuck is still laughing, taeil trying to keep him quiet but with no luck.
for the rest of breakfast, mark keeps his head down, only staring at his food and refusing to look at jungwoo again. he doesn't miss jungwoo putting some cut up pieces of pancake on his plate for him, though.
-
when donghyuck heads back to the fifth floor, mark doesn't really know what to do. he's been jittery all day, jungwoo’s previous comment from breakfast not helping him at all. he finds himself in the living room, strumming his guitar without any purpose.
mark doesn't know how he feels about jungwoo. all he knows is that when jungwoo is around, mark loses all sense of how to act, his chest feeling fuzzy.
maybe donghyuck was right. donghyuck knows him best out of everyone, and a lot of the times he knows things even before mark does. there was one time when donghyuck had told mark, “you're getting sick. rest.” mark hadn't even felt sick, he felt perfectly healthy. two days later he was stuck in bed with a fever.
donghyuck knows how to read people. mark does not. mark really wishes he knew, because jungwoo just walked into the room and mark doesn't know his intentions.
mark stops strumming the guitar, scooting over a bit to make room for jungwoo. the older drapes his arm around mark’s shoulders, leaning his head on mark. “mark-ah.”
“jungwoo hyung.”
jungwoo smiles, his beautiful smile that mark only ever sees directed at himself. he wonders why. he's also kind of wondering why he can tell apart jungwoo’s smiles.
the older sighs, grabbing mark’s hand with both of his and playing with the younger’s fingers. “you okay? you were kinda off during breakfast after the comment i made. did i make you uncomfortable? if i did, i'm sorry.” jungwoo says, his voice softer than ever.
mark wants to cry in that moment. jungwoo ever so softly playing with his hands, talking to him in that sweet voice of his, genuinely asking how mark is feeling. his heart feels like it's buzzing.
“i'm okay, hyung, and no, i wasn't uncomfortable. i was just… surprised.” mark explains.
jungwoo’s hair tickles against his cheek. “are you crying? what's wrong?”
mark sniffs. “i just, you know, feelings, they're hard.”
jungwoo hums, seeming to agree. “yeah. what are you feeling?” jungwoo asks quietly.
“i don't really know.”
“it's okay not to know.”
mark bites his lip, not responding.
jungwoo sits up, but keeps one hand on mark’s. “let's get ramyeon together.”
mark blinks a few times, staring at their hands. “uh… we just ate.” mark responds.
jungwoo laughs softly, pushing mark’s shoulder playfully. “not right now, silly. for dinner.”
mark blushes. “yeah. yeah, let's do that.” mark says, and jungwoo smiles, squeezing mark’s hand tightly before letting go, heading off to his room.
mark practically runs out of the dorm and to the fifth floor after that.
-
“he asked you on a date.”
“he asked me to get food with him tonight. you go with renjun to dinner all the time, too.”
donghyuck grins. “exactly.”
mark stares at donghyuck for a few seconds. “what is that supposed to mean?” mark asks.
“those are dates, hyung.” donghyuck answers.
mark waits for donghyuck to elaborate, but he doesn't, and mark huffs, pushing the maknae’s leg. “yah. you can't just say that and then not explain.”
“what's there to explain?” donghyuck asks, leaning back against his bed.
mark directs his gaze towards johnny’s side of the room. “i don't know. just… are you guys boyfriends? or something?”
donghyuck shakes his head, grabbing a pillow and tucking it behind his head. “not yet. we just go on dates and kiss sometimes. it's… new.” donghyuck says, and mark hums, nodding.
they stay silent for a bit, but then donghyuck sits up quickly. “you distracted me! we never got to talk about you and jungwoo!” donghyuck whines.
mark groans, covering his face with a pillow. “there's nothing to talk about.” it comes out muffled.
“then why did you come here?”
mark stays silent, searching his brain for any sort of excuse. he comes up with nothing, and he kicks donghyuck’s shin, frustrated.
“what are you wearing for your date, hyung?” donghyuck asks, grabbing the pillow from mark’s face and throwing it to johnny’s bed.
“it's not a date.”
“okay, then what are you wearing for your dinner, hyung?”
mark looks down at his current clothes, furrowing his eyebrows. he's currently in sweatpants and a white tshirt, not having gotten ready for the day yet. “um.”
donghyuck rolls his eyes. “you're hopeless. i’ll be upstairs at five to raid your closet and help you. why did i ever date you? you can't even dress yourself.”
mark hits donghyuck’s arm. “yah. you're the one who asked me out.” mark complains.
“you still said yes.”
“you held my hand first.”
“you kissed me first.”
“you-”
the door opens, and johnny walks in, glaring at them. “you two are loud. stop arguing about who did what first.”
donghyuck glares at him and mark just sighs, leaning back against the bed frame. “johnny hyung, hyuck thinks i have a crush on jungwoo hyung.” mark complains.
johnny blinks, looking at mark for a second. “you don't?” he asks, sounding genuinely confused.
mark’s mouth drops open. “does everyone think i have a crush on jungwoo?” he yells.
“yes!” two muffled voices come from the other room.
doyoung and taeyong.
mark groans, burying his face in donghyuck’s blanket.
-
true to his word, donghyuck shows up at five on the dot. after fussing over mark’s outfit for ten minutes, he finally steps back and smiles. “you look great.”
mark stares at himself in the mirror for a few seconds. donghyuck put him in a tan colored turtleneck with a matching black and tan jacket, unzipped, paired with black skinny jeans. he feels attractive, and the outfit is better than what he himself would have done.
“shit. you did a good job.” mark says, running his hands through his hair.
donghyuck beams. “of course i did, it’s for your first date.”
mark glares at him. “it's not a date.”
donghyuck pats mark on the shoulder, then adjusts his jacket a bit. “then why are you letting me do this? normally you'd be more defensive.”
mark’s mind blanks, and he looks away from the mirror. “nobody ever said it was a date.”
“it's implied.”
mark glances at his phone, seeing a new message from jungwoo from two minutes ago.
내 반쪽 제우스: ready for our ramyeon date? im just getting ready so i’ll be there at 5:30 〔´∇｀〕
donghyuck catches sight of the text and a grin spreads across his face. “he just said it's a date.”
mark covers his phone screen with his hand. “a friend date.” mark argues.
“you're so pathetic, hyung.”
mark doesn't answer, instead typing up a response to jungwoo’s text.
나: I’m ready whenever, hyung. 5:30 works!
mark’s phone dings immediately.
내 반쪽 제우스: alright~~ see you!
mark pockets his phone, looking at donghyuck. “he’ll be here in 10 minutes.”
“guess i'll be taking my leave,” donghyuck says, heading towards the door. “if you need me, text me. i'll be in my room playing games with jaehyun hyung and johnny hyung.”
mark nods. “thank you. for helping, i mean.”
donghyuck smiles. “it's no problem, hyung.”
-
jungwoo knocks on mark’s door at 5:30.
as soon as mark opens the door, jungwoo smiles, and mark’s heart stutters. jungwoo looks good. really good. great, even. he's wearing a black and white striped shirt with a denim jacket, paired with blue pants.
“your shoes are mismatched,” is the first thing that comes out of mark’s mouth.
jungwoo laughs, looking down at his green and blue shoes. “i know.”
jungwoo looks back up, staring at mark for a few seconds and smiling. “you look good,” jungwoo comments.
mark breaks eye contact. “donghyuck picked out my outfit, so-”
“i didn't mean the outfit.”
mark feels his face heat up, and he distracts himself by reaching for his wallet that's on the table. jungwoo stops him, grabbing mark’s wrist. “i'll pay.” jungwoo says.
“but jungwoo hyung-”
“i’m the one taking you to dinner. it's fine, mark-ah, let me treat you.” jungwoo insists, and mark blushes even harder.
mark sighs. “fine. let's go.”
-
“mark-ah.”
“hm?”
mark looks up from his empty ramen bowl, putting his chopsticks down. jungwoo is smiling, mark doesn't think the smile has left jungwoo’s face at all.
“how have you been recently? with superm, and stuff. i know you've been pretty busy.” jungwoo says.
mark sits up straighter, fiddling with the napkin next to him and looking at his chopsticks. “oh. it's been good. we've been signing a lot of stuff, preparing for shows, all that stuff. the fans have been reacting well.” mark says. once he starts talking, he doesn't stop. “i really like the album, actually, and the title track. you know, the concept of mixing two songs to make one hybrid of a song. i think it's really cool. all the hyungs did really well, and all of the videos we filmed were really fun to do. and- shit, sorry hyung, i'm rambling.”
mark looks back up at jungwoo and sees the older looking at him with an unreadable expression. mark bites his lip, looking back down. “again, sorry-”
“you look cute when you ramble like that,” jungwoo says, “your eyes sparkle a bit. you must've had a lot of fun.”
mark blushes, and he feels his ears burn a bit. “yeah. it was really fun. it's been a bit tiring, though. as much as i love doing all of the schedules, it gets a little stressful.” mark says.
jungwoo hums, nodding and taking a sip of his drink. “do you sleep well? i know some tricks for that, if you're having any issues.”
mark looks back down. “i really… don't sleep very well, actually. however, i don't want you to feel like you have to help me, you have your own things to do and-”
“i want to help you, though.” jungwoo interrupts.
mark’s eyes dart around the table, landing on a ridge in the wood. he runs his finger over it to distract himself. “okay.”
mark feels jungwoo grab his hand, squeezing it lightly. “when do you normally go to bed?” jungwoo asks.
“maybe two in the morning? depends on what schedules we had.”
jungwoo frowns, rubbing his thumb over the top of mark’s hand. “you should sleep earlier. we don't have any schedules today, and our first schedule tomorrow is at one in the afternoon. you should sleep at eleven.”
mark stares at their hands. “i have trouble settling down to sleep.”
“i can make you some tea,” jungwoo suggests, “also it is scientifically proven that cuddling can help you sleep better. do you want to cuddle tonight?”
mark’s face burns at jungwoo’s bluntness. “i mean, if it doesn't bother you.” mark says quietly.
jungwoo laughs, squeezing mark’s hand again. “if it bothered me i wouldn't have asked. do you have soft sleep clothes?” jungwoo asks.
mark pictures his closet in his mind, trying to think. “i don't think so? i only really have sweatpants and tshirts. nothing too soft. why?”
the older grins. “i have a set of pajamas you could wear. they're like, really soft. all cotton. it has long sleeves though, do you mind sleeping in long sleeves? you'd look really cute.” jungwoo says, practically bouncing in his chair.
“i- i don't mind, no.” mark stutters.
jungwoo’s eyes are shining, and mark thinks he'd agree to anything jungwoo says if it means seeing him like this.
-
jungwoo holds his hand the entire way home.
they end up staying out later than expected, getting caught up in talking long after their dinner was finished. as they entered jungwoo and jaehyun’s room, donghyuck had even texted mark.
곰돌이 해찬: you alive??
mark rolls his eyes, and jungwoo peeks over his shoulder. “who texted you?”
“hyuck. he's asking if i’m alive.” mark says, and jungwoo laughs softly.
나: Yes, idiot.
곰돌이 해찬: just making sure. should i sleep over again?
나: No. I’m sleeping in Jungwoo hyung’s room.
곰돌이 해찬: oh? ;)
나: Bye.
mark puts his phone on the table, shutting it off. “where's jaehyun hyung?” mark questions.
“i texted him earlier and told him you were gonna sleep here, so he's spending the night in hyuck and johnny hyung’s room.” jungwoo explains, placing his phone next to mark’s.
mark glances at jungwoo’s bed. it’s freshly made, the pillows arranged at the bed frame and the blankets tucked up nicely. there's a couple snoopy plushies on the bed.
at that point, mark comes to a realization.
“you- you had this planned all along, didn't you?”
jungwoo smiles, eyes taking on the same shine they had earlier. “maybe i did.”
mark takes a deep breath, moving to sit on jungwoo’s bed. he clears his throat. “um- you said you, had, uh.. pajamas? for me?” mark curses at himself for not being able to form sentences properly.
jungwoo hums. “i do. they're on the nightstand.”
sure enough, mark glances over and sees a pile of neatly folded pajamas. it's a white sweater with a snoopy print, paired with soft black pants.
“you can change in the bathroom. i'll change in here.”
mark just nods, taking the clothes and heading to the bathroom, face still red and heart pounding.
-
mark watches jungwoo walk around the room, seeming to be looking for something. the tea jungwoo made for him warms his chest in multiple ways. the pillows beneath him are soft, jungwoo’s clothes even softer. he feels comfortable, here, surrounded by everything jungwoo.
“are you looking for something specific, hyung?” mark asks, having watched the older pace around for the last two minutes.
jungwoo huffs, a pout forming on his face. “yeah, actually. i can't find my polaroid camera. i wanted to take a picture.” jungwoo says, digging through one of his drawers.
mark frowns. “picture of what?”
“us.”
mark blushes. “what for?”
jungwoo closes the drawer, opening the one below it. “because i want to- ah! i found it!” jungwoo exclaims excitedly, practically skipping towards the bed.
he sits next to mark, pointing the camera lens towards them. “smile.” jungwoo says, and mark does it without thinking.
when the camera clicks, jungwoo makes a happy noise, waiting for the slip of film. when it comes out of the camera, jungwoo takes it, setting both the camera and the undeveloped photo on the nightstand.
“aren't you gonna wait for it to develop?” mark asks, and jungwoo shakes his head.
“i'll see it tomorrow morning.” jungwoo says, watching mark take another sip of his tea. “how is it?”
mark stares at his now empty cup. “it's good. thank you, hyung. i really appreciate it.” mark says, and jungwoo takes the empty cup, setting it next to the camera.
mark glances at the time. “its eleven already.”
jungwoo shuffles a bit closer to mark, pushing his shoulder down a bit as a way to get mark to lay down. mark does exactly that, getting comfortable under jungwoo’s blankets.
“you're okay with me cuddling with you, right?” jungwoo asks.
mark’s heart swells. “yes.”
with that, jungwoo drapes one arm across mark’s chest, pulling the younger closer. he nuzzles his nose in the crook of mark's neck, humming softly. “you're comfy. let's cuddle more often.” jungwoo mumbles, his voice already taking on a sleepy tone.
“yeah,” mark responds, “let's.”
-
mark doesn't remember falling asleep. however, when he wakes up, he's met with a pressure on his chest and soft hair tickling his chin. he glances down, and is immediately met with the sight of jungwoo, draped on top of him. his head is tilted to the right, and mark doesn't think he's ever seen jungwoo’s features this close before.
the older’s eyelashes rest prettily against his cheek, his face a bit puffy from sleep. his lips are parted slightly, and mark thinks he might want to kiss him.
holy shit, mark wants to kiss him.
mark pushes that thought aside, instead glancing away and staring at the digital clock on jungwoo’s dresser. the time reads 9 in the morning. ten hours of sleep, mark thinks. the curtains are open slightly, basking the room in sort of a golden tone.
jungwoo shifts, and mark looks back down, only to be met with jungwoo’s shining eyes staring right back at him. “good morning, cutie.” jungwoo says softly, his voice a bit deeper from sleep.
mark averts his eyes. “good morning, hyung.”
jungwoo tightens his arms around mark’s waist, hugging him. “you're a nice bed.”
“uh- thanks? i think?”
the older laughs, burying his face in mark's chest. “no, seriously. you literally fit in my arms so perfectly.”
mark’s heart practically stops, and then its pace quickens. jungwoo giggles, “i can feel your heart. it's so easy to tease you, mark-ah.” jungwoo says, voice muffled.
knocks sound on the door, then. “come eat breakfast! or don't.” yuta’s voice is muffled, and jungwoo laughs a bit.
“we should probably get up.” mark says.
jungwoo whines, holding mark tighter. “i don't want to.”
mark sighs, attempting to push jungwoo off of him but failing. “hyung,” mark complains, “come on.”
jungwoo huffs, releasing his grip on mark and rolling off of him. just when mark thinks he's free, jungwoo pulls him closer, giggling even more. jungwoo presses a kiss to mark’s temple, nuzzling his nose against mark’s cheek. “you're so cute.”
“hyuuung.” mark whines, but makes no attempt to escape jungwoo’s grasp.
jungwoo presses a kiss to mark’s cheek, not saying anything this time. mark takes a second to think about how he feels in this situation. the only thing he can think about is how safe and comfortable he feels.
“let's go eat breakfast now, mark-ah.” jungwoo whispers.
“but now i don't want to.”
jungwoo just laughs, releasing his grip on mark and rolling out of bed. mark follows. he thinks he would follow jungwoo anywhere.
-
after eating breakfast, mark goes to sit on the couch, and jungwoo follows him without a word. when mark sits, jungwoo sits beside him, leaning his head on mark’s shoulder. “we have a schedule at one, right?” mark says.
jungwoo hums. “yeah. photoshoot.”
“we should probably shower, hyung.”
“let's shower together, mark-ah.”
mark’s face burns. “um- yeah. sure.”
jungwoo grins, taking mark’s hand in his own and tugging him up from the couch. “you can get clothes from your room, but don't bother grabbing a hoodie or anything. i'll pick one of mine for you.” jungwoo says, and all mark can do is nod, splitting off from the older to head to his own room.
he takes his phone out of his pocket, seeing more texts from donghyuck.
곰돌이 해찬: so? howd it go? ;)
나: Nothing happened, hyuck. We just cuddled.
곰돌이 해찬: bummer :/ did he make you wear his pajamas??
나: Yeah, how'd you know?
곰돌이 해찬: he's totally courting you, dude.
나: You make it sound… odd.
곰돌이 해찬: not odd. he likes you, hyung.
나: Sure. I have to go shower now. Jungwoo is waiting.
곰돌이 해찬: oh, so you're even showering together?
나: Don’t make it weird. Bye.
mark puts his phone on his dresser, then picks out some clothes. his hands are shaking.
-
when mark enters the bathroom, jungwoo is sitting on the edge of the bathtub, still clothed, just scrolling through his phone. mark catches sight of something.
“what's in your phone case, hyung?”
jungwoo looks up at mark and smiles. he shows his phone case, and mark blinks a few times, eyes widening. it's the polaroid that jungwoo took of them last night.
“do you like it?” jungwoo questions.
mark can only nod, his cheeks burning.
“you can get in first, i'll turn around.” jungwoo says, making it a point to cover his eyes with his hands and spin towards the wall.
mark undresses then steps in the shower, turning on the water, his hands still shaking. “you can come in, hyung.”
“okay, mark-ah.”
when jungwoo steps in, mark expects it to be awkward, but it isn't. it feels normal. it honestly just feels like a normal shower, except with the presence of someone else.
with jungwoo, mark doesn't feel awkward. he feels flustered, yeah, but he feels comfortable. despite the fact that mark acts and feels shy, he feels safe. it brings a feeling to him that he hasn't felt before. it leaves him wanting to spend more and more time with jungwoo.
“want me to wash your hair?” jungwoo asks, his voice echoing a bit off the walls of the shower.
“sure. my shampoo is-”
“you can use mine.”
mark just stays silent. his mind is racing, he's wondering why jungwoo is suddenly paying so much attention to him. normally jungwoo is flirty and playful, but never this much, and he hasn't done anything like this with the other members.
he's also confused about his own feelings. he keeps thinking about the fuzzy feeling he gets in his chest, the safety that he feels around jungwoo. it's all confusing, he's never felt this way, not even when he and donghyuck were a thing back in early 2017.
when jungwoo starts washing mark’s hair, mark jolts a bit, he had zoned out slightly and almost forgotten where he was. jungwoo gently massages his hair. “stop thinking so hard. relax.” jungwoo says softly.
mark hums. “sorry, hyung.”
jungwoo’s hands are gentle. “don't apologize. what are you thinking about?”
mark bites his lip, staring at the shower wall. “it's… personal. i'm sorry.” mark says.
jungwoo drops his hands. “you apologize a lot. you don't have to feel sorry. we all need privacy with certain things, and i'll respect that. i'll always respect what you have to say, mark.” jungwoo says.
mark doesn't turn around, doesn't face jungwoo. “i respect you too, hyung. always. i feel like i don't tell you that enough.”
“hey. look at me.” jungwoo says.
the younger turns, meeting jungwoo’s eyes.
jungwoo places one hand on mark’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly. “it's okay.”
mark nods, he doesn't know exactly why, but he does.
-
the rest of the shower passes uneventfully, small comments made every once and a while but otherwise quiet. it's not a bad thing, though. mark feels comfortable in the silence.
when they get out, they get dressed and ready. jungwoo gives a hoodie to mark, again with a snoopy print. the sleeves are too long and cover part of his hands, but when he tries to roll them up, jungwoo stops him. “it looks cute. leave it.”
mark leaves it. he likes it better anyway.
upon checking the time, mark sees they have two hours left until their schedule.
“i’m going to the small store around the corner to buy some snacks, do you want anything?” jungwoo asks, grabbing his wallet.
mark shakes his head. “it's fine, hyung.”
jungwoo ruffles mark’s hair, leaning over to press a kiss to the crown of mark’s head, not giving any time for mark to process it before he leaves the house.
“are you two dating?”
mark nearly chokes on air, turning to face yuta. “no!”
yuta raises an eyebrow, gesturing towards mark’s hoodie. “you sure?”
mark remains quiet, walking past yuta and heading to his room.
-
since mark has nothing better to do, he takes the time to evaluate his feelings.
the main issue: he doesn't know what his feelings even are.
he's unsure of what he feels for jungwoo. he has a general idea, but every time he tries to reach a solid conclusion, his mind jumbles and he feels like he's missing something.
at first he thought maybe it’s because jungwoo is pretty. it would make sense, mark likes guys, and jungwoo is a pretty guy. however, the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes that all of his fellow members are attractive in a way.
then he thinks maybe he's lonely, maybe the first person who gave him attention would be the person he attaches himself to, maybe he's just not used to all of this affection. that theory is quickly thrown out the window after he thinks about how donghyuck, yuta, and johnny constantly give him loads of affection.
the final theory is the one that makes the most sense, but he doesn't want to accept. the one that scares him the most.
he's in love with jungwoo.
honestly, mark doesn't know how he didn't realize it sooner. he's been feeling somewhat like this ever since jungwoo got back from hiatus, possibly even before then. it makes sense that he starts to realize it once others point it out.
another thing he thinks about is jungwoo’s actions.
he doesn't know the older’s intentions at all. he's never been the best at picking up social cues, never been the best at reading people's intentions, never been the best at drawing conclusions. he likes facts, he likes when knowledge is given to him. he hates guessing.
mark really needs to talk to donghyuck when he gets the chance.
the door opens, then, and it's jungwoo.
“i got you something. i know you told me not to, but i wanted to anyway.” jungwoo says, walking over to the bed and dropping a bag next to mark.
mark looks at the bag, then at jungwoo, then back at the bag. “what is it? was it expensive? i can pay you back-”
“just open it, mark.”
mark hesitantly takes the bag, opening it and seeing what's inside.
there's a small bracelet inside, with two charms on it. one is a tiny snoopy, and the other one is a cartoon baby lion.
“okay, so before you say anything about it, i actually lied about where i was going. i had this custom made, and if you don't like it, you don't have to keep it.” jungwoo says, and mark thinks that's the first time he's seen jungwoo genuinely nervous.
when mark doesn't say anything, jungwoo keeps talking. “i have one too. i thought it would be cute, since you mean a lot to me.”
mark watches as jungwoo rolls up his sleeve, showing a matching bracelet tied around his wrist.
“hyung, i love it.” mark whispers, holding the bracelet gently in his palm, examining the charms.
jungwoo smiles. “you do?”
“fuck, of course i do.”
mark hands the bracelet to jungwoo. “tie it on my wrist for me.” mark says, rolling his sleeve up.
jungwoo ties it perfectly, not too tight, not too loose. when he’s done, he presses a small kiss to the inside of mark’s wrist, right above the bracelet.
jungwoo looks back at mark and smiles. “i have to go, now. dongyoung hyung wanted to talk to me about something, so i'll be on the fifth floor. see you at the photo shoot, mark-ah.”
mark blinks. “s-see you, hyung.”
-
donghyuck just stares at mark for a few seconds, blinking, before a smirk settles on his face.
“so… you're telling me that you admit have feelings for jungwoo hyung.”
“yes.”
“and he's been giving you things and making you wear his clothes.”
“yes.”
“and he's been kissing you.”
“not on the lips-”
“doesn't matter.” donghyuck says, a smile on his face. “he totally likes you back.”
mark frowns. “he's kissed other members on the cheek before and stuff-”
donghyuck hushes him. “in front of cameras, hyung.”
“with the gifts, he could just be being nice.”
donghyuck glares at mark, smacking his arm. “do you even hear yourself? dude, you know that you deserve nice things, right? not everything has to end badly, you know.” donghyuck says. “i know you're scared because of what happened in 2017, but look at us now. we're closer than ever.”
mark bites his lip, staying silent. donghyuck squeezes his shoulder. “good things happen if you let them, hyung. it's hard, i know, but please, let yourself be happy.” donghyuck says.
-
at the photo shoot, mark seeks out jungwoo. luckily, it doesn't take him long, as jungwoo finds him first.
mark nearly passes out.
jungwoo looks good. extremely good.
anything mark wanted to say just gets stuck in his throat, because jungwoo is standing in front of him looking like that, and mark can't look away.
jungwoo reaches forward and grabs mark's hand. “i want to talk to you after the photo shoot, when we get home.” jungwoo says, using his free hand to fix mark’s hair slightly. “it's… important. can you meet me in my room when you're ready to?”
mark looks down at their hands, seeing their bracelets. “yeah, sure.” mark says.
jungwoo squeezes mark’s hand before letting go, walking over to where doyoung and taeyong are.
“what was that about?”
mark jolts, turning to look at donghyuck. “what? nothing. i don't know, actually.” mark says, and donghyuck pats him on the arm.
-
throughout the entire photo shoot, mark catches himself staring at jungwoo multiple times. every time, the older is staring right back.
“you two have something going on.” ten comments during one of their breaks, nudging mark’s shoulder playfully.
mark looks over at jungwoo, who's talking with renjun and jaemin. “not really.”
“you have couples bracelets. you won't stop staring at each other. doyoung sent me a picture of you wearing his hoodie, mark.” ten says.
mark looks back at ten. “okay. then you and kun hyung have something going on, too.”
ten freezes, and mark laughs, watching as ten walks away without another word.
-
back at the dorms, mark watches jungwoo enter his and jaehyun’s room.
jungwoo had said to meet him in his room when he was ready. mark doesn't know what that means, or why he would have to be ready.
he goes to his room first, washing off his makeup and slipping jungwoo's hoodie back over his head. he fiddles with his bracelet, checking his phone every once and a while with no real purpose. he doesn't know why he's nervous.
when he finally gets the courage to head to jungwoo’s room, he knocks on the door, and he's immediately met by jungwoo, makeup off and a blanket around his shoulders. “come in.”
mark sits on the bed, taking one of jungwoo’s snoopy plushies and putting it in his lap.
jungwoo sits down in front of him on the bed. “please don't run away after i tell you this.” jungwoo says.
mark furrows his eyebrows. “why would i run away?”
jungwoo wraps the blanket around himself tighter. he looks nervous.
“i like you, mark.”
mark blinks a few times, not really processing. “well, yeah, i like you too.”
jungwoo makes eye contact with mark. “that's not what i meant. i like you. i have feelings for you.” jungwoo clarifies.
“oh.”
mark wants to slap himself in the face. he wants to say more, but the only thing his stupid brain can say is oh and he's trying to form words but they won't come out and-
“if you, uh, feel uncomfortable, i could leave you alone? i know i've been kind of overstepping my boundaries as a friend recently, and i apologize.” jungwoo says.
mark panics. “no! no, i'm not uncomfortable.”
jungwoo looks relieved. “okay. um. yeah.”
“i like you too. in- in that way, yeah.” mark stutters, his face burning. he plays with the charms on his bracelet, his hands trembling slightly.
“wait, you do?” jungwoo asks, eyes taking on that glimmer that mark loves.
mark nods, and jungwoo makes a happy noise, practically tackling mark into a hug. “you're so cute.” jungwoo says, burying his face in mark’s shoulder.
all mark can do is hug him back, a smile taking over his face as the reality of the situation sets in. jungwoo likes him back.
jungwoo squeezes mark tighter, giggling softly. “i like you so much.” jungwoo says, and mark’s smile grows.
“i like you so much too, jungwoo hyung,” mark whispers, “i've been thinking about it a lot recently, actually.”
jungwoo hums, nuzzling his nose into mark’s neck and pressing a small kiss there. “let’s have a movie night together. we can cuddle on the couch and watch comically bad rom-coms.”
mark laughs quietly. “of course.”
“by the way, i don't really think we should be boyfriends yet,” jungwoo says, “i want us to get used to this first. rushing things is never good.”
at those words, mark actually feels better. something in him was scared, but now, he feels calm. rushing things was never something that ended well, based on past experiences. “yeah. i think the same.”
mark feels content.
-
at ten that night, jungwoo and mark end up laying on the couch together, jungwoo resting on mark’s chest.
“this movie sucks,” jungwoo says, “i love it.”
mark giggles quietly, and jungwoo grins. “you're cute.” jungwoo says, reaching up to pinch mark’s cheek.
mark dodges it, instead pinching jungwoo’s cheek in retaliation. “you say that a lot. you're the cute one, hyung.”
jungwoo raises an eyebrow. “oh? where'd this newfound confidence come from?” jungwoo teases, and mark’s face heats up slightly.
“i don't know. things just feel more… natural, like this, i guess.” mark says quietly, and jungwoo makes eye contact with him.
the older smiles fondly, that one smile reserved just for mark. “i agree. it feels like things were meant to be like this all along.”
-
mark wakes up to someone shaking him awake.
“mark, jungwoo, it's time for breakfast.”
a weight on his chest shifts, and then he remembers where he is. he's on the couch, with jungwoo laying on top of him, as they had fallen asleep there the previous night.
mark rubs the sleep from his eyes, blinking a couple times. “doyoung hyung? why are you here?” mark asks.
doyoung hums. “i’m visiting jeno and renjun at dream dorms later. taeil hyung wanted to come too so i'm here to get him.” doyoung explains.
jungwoo sits up, rubbing his eyes cutely. his cheeks are puffy like they always are when he wakes up. his hair is a bit messy, sticking up in some spots. mark wants to cry, he looks so adorable.
“we’ll be in in a second, hyung.” jungwoo mumbles, a sleepy tone to his voice.
doyoung smiles and then leaves, heading toward the other room where the others are sitting to eat.
“how'd you sleep?” jungwoo asks, stretching his arms out in front of him.
mark stands up, taking a light blanket from the couch and wrapping it around himself. “pretty good, considering you literally slept on top of me.”
jungwoo laughs softly, standing up and offering his hand to mark. mark stares for a second, his mind not thinking clearly after having just woken up.
“hold my hand, dummy.” jungwoo says, giggling.
mark blushes and takes jungwoo’s hand, their fingers intertwining naturally. mark finds that the older’s hand is soft, and fits with his perfectly.
“let's go eat.” jungwoo says, tugging mark gently towards the other room.
-
they hold hands under the table throughout the entirety of breakfast.
sure, eating with his left hand is odd, but he thinks he would do anything to keep close with jungwoo. he thinks this especially when jungwoo occasionally squeezes his hand and smiles at him.
mark ends up showering right after breakfast, not sharing with jungwoo this time because he didn't have the guts to ask.
afterwards, jungwoo showers, and then shows up in mark's room.
“you're going having dinner with the dreamies tonight, right?” jungwoo asks, holding something in his hand that mark can’t see. it looks like some sort of clothes.
mark nods, sitting up in his bed a bit. jungwoo smiles, tossing the fabric towards mark. “wear this.”
the younger furrows his eyebrows, picking up what he now knows is a hoodie. as soon as he sees the back of it his ears start to burn. it says jungwoo 98 in black letters.
jungwoo giggles, going to sit next to mark. “you don't have to wear it. i just thought your reaction would be cute.”
“shut up. i'm gonna wear it. i love it.” mark says, slipping the hoodie over his head and hugging himself.
jungwoo leans forward and squishes mark’s cheeks, cupping his face with his hands. “i know i say this a lot, but you're literally so cute.” jungwoo says, and mark blushes.
then jungwoo’s lips are on his, staying for three seconds before he pulls back. mark’s eyes are wide and all he can do is stare at the older, his brain trying to catch up with what just happened.
“y-you- you just, kissed me.” mark stutters, and jungwoo laughs.
“i did.” jungwoo responds, cocking his head to the side slightly. “was that okay?”
mark nods slowly. “yes. yeah. it was- okay. more than okay, actually. um- yeah.”
jungwoo’s eyes sparkle and he looks like he's glowing. “cutie.”
he kisses mark’s forehead, then his nose, and then pecks his lips one more time. “my cutie.”
-
as soon as mark meets up with the dreamies at their dorm, donghyuck asks him about jungwoo.
“you're wearing his hoodie.” donghyuck says, and mark blushes, hugging himself.
“i know,” mark says, “he gave it to me this morning.”
donghyuck furrows his eyebrows. “what happened when you two talked? after the photo shoot? you never told me.” donghyuck says.
mark plays with his bracelet. “he confessed.” mark says, a smile growing on his face.
donghyuck’s eyes light up, and he beams. “really? holy shit, hyung, that's so great!” donghyuck says, shaking mark’s shoulders.
“we aren't like, together, though. we’re taking things a bit slow. getting used to it.” mark says, and donghyuck hums, nodding.
“that's still really good. i'm really happy for you, mark hyung.” donghyuck says, squeezing mark’s shoulder.
mark looks over at the other members, who are preparing the couch with blankets and pillows for a movie night. “what about you and renjun? how are you two?” mark asks.
donghyuck smiles, nudging mark’s arm. “we're official now.”
mark nudges him back, grinning. “i'm proud of you, hyuck. if he ever hurts you, tell me, i'll castrate him.”
donghyuck laughs, and mark laughs back.
-
the original plan was for mark and donghyuck to sleep over at the dorm, as well as chenle, since he doesn't live with the other dreamies.
however, during the second movie, mark had received a text.
내 반쪽 제우스: hey markie (≧◡≦) ♡
나: Hello hyung
내 반쪽 제우스: i know you're with the dreamies right now
내 반쪽 제우스: but i miss you haha (‘-’*)
내 반쪽 제우스: i probably seem clingy but i cant stop thinking about you, yknow?
나: I miss you too, hyung. Should I go back to the 127 dorm?
내 반쪽 제우스: there's no need!! i don't want to take you away from the dreamies, i know you don't see them often
나: True, but I want to see you. Feeling kind of like a seventh wheel here, honestly
내 반쪽 제우스: hm… what if i went over there? i don't want to intrude though
나: I can ask hyuck, he's the one who planned this.
내 반쪽 제우스: okay （๑・౩・๑）
“hyuck.”
donghyuck looks over at mark. “yeah?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.
“can jungwoo hyung come over?”
the younger smiles. “sure.”
mark thanks him quietly, before opening his texts again.
나: Hyuck said it's fine.
내 반쪽 제우스: yay!! i'll be over soon !!
나: See you
나: :)
-
twenty minutes later there's a knock at the door, and mark nearly jumps out of his seat. he's been unfocused since his conversation with jungwoo, waiting for the other to arrive.
when mark opens the door, jungwoo is there, looking very cute in his oversized pink sweater. “hi hyung. we're watching a movie.” mark says, gesturing towards the tv.
jungwoo just leans forward and presses a kiss to mark’s lips. it lasts longer than the first one they had, but it's still too short for mark to process what's happening before jungwoo pulls away.
donghyuck fake gags from behind him, and mark turns around, glaring at him. “yah.” mark scolds, and donghyuck just looks around innocently.
jungwoo laughs, taking mark’s hand in his and tugging him towards the couch like he belongs there.
mark thinks he does belong. jungwoo belongs everywhere that mark is, making mark feel safe and just good. he wants to express it but he can't, but jungwoo somehow just knows.
despite not being a part of the dreamies, jungwoo somehow fits perfectly with them, easily exchanging jokes and comments with the younger members and keeping the conversation flowing. mark zones out half way through, only focusing on the warmth of jungwoo’s hand in his and the softness of his voice.
at some point, jungwoo leans his head on mark’s shoulder, breaking away from the conversation. “what are you thinking about?” jungwoo asks softly, his thumb running over mark’s knuckles.
“you.” is the first thing that comes out of mark’s mouth.
jungwoo squeezes his hand, nuzzling his nose into mark’s shoulder. “what about me?” jungwoo asks.
mark closes his eyes, leaning against jungwoo. “everything. you're good with the dreamies, you're cute, you're talented, you’re attentive. you're so… lovely. just everything about you.”
“could say the same about you, mark-ah.”
mark hides his face in jungwoo’s hair, pressing a kiss to his head. jungwoo chuckles, “well that's a first.”
“what do you mean?” mark asks quietly, feeling a bit sleepy due to how comfortable he is.
jungwoo plays with mark’s fingers. “normally i kiss you first.”
mark blushes, but he doesn't really have the energy to be embarrassed or comment. jungwoo, as always, picks up on it easily. “you tired?” jungwoo asks, and mark only hums, squeezing jungwoo’s hand.
“where are we sleeping?” jungwoo asks, and mark sighs. “jeno’s room, he's staying in jaemin and jisung’s room tonight.”
jungwoo brings mark’s hand up and presses a kiss there, and mark lets the happiness wash over him.
-
two weeks pass.
in those two weeks, mark falls even more in love with jungwoo.
every day is filled with so much happiness, and mark isn't used to it. going from being confused to being happy and content is something mark didn't think was possible, yet here he is.
it comes as no surprise whenever taeyong sits the both of them down, exactly how he did back in 2017 when mark and donghyuck were a thing.
in 2017, mark had walked away.
in the present, mark stayed, listened, and thought.
taeyong had pretty much told them to be careful, to come to him if they needed anything, and to remember what their career was and what could happen. mark knew this already, and taeyong knew that they knew, but as a leader he told them anyway.
mark had thanked taeyong after, giving him a hug and telling him that he would make taeyong proud, because mark knew he would. mark knew he was doing better, knew the circumstances were different, knew what he was doing.
mark had gotten a lot more confident in their relationship. he started initiating more, getting less flustered, and even pushing some of the teasing back onto jungwoo. he felt like himself, he felt he could really open up more than he ever had.
jungwoo encouraged him, too. he made mark feel like he could share whatever was on his mind, he made mark feel like whatever he said would be listened to, and it was true. jungwoo listened to anything mark had to say, and in return, mark did the same.
the day after their talk, jungwoo and mark were sitting in mark’s room, some random documentary about sea animals playing on the tv.
jungwoo is laying on mark’s chest, mark’s fingers running through his hair softly. neither of them are really paying attention to the tv, just basking in each other’s presence.
“mark-ah.” jungwoo says, looking up at mark from his place on his chest. mark hums, brushing jungwoo’s hair away from his face.
the older smiles. “do you think… do you think we're ready? to be official? as in, boyfriends.”
mark thinks for a second.
the past few weeks have been some of the best of mark’s life. he's felt amazing every single day, he finally feels like himself. being with jungwoo, even for small amounts of time, makes mark feel like he's on top of the world.
there's no place mark would rather be, than with jungwoo.
“yes, hyung. i think we're ready.”
jungwoo smiles, leaning up to press his lips against mark’s. mark expects it this time, and just kisses him back, everything around them feeling small and irrelevant.
mark used to think he had everything figured out.
in the present, he knows that to not be the truth. he doesn't have everything figured out, but he does have someone with him to help him along the way.