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There’s a man on the ice.
This isn’t a rare occurence, since Faber is loved by many, but Bitty didn’t expect to see someone on the ice at 4 am in the morning. Apparently he isn’t the only idiot who wakes up early to skate at Faber.
Bitty has started skating early a few weeks ago. The first time was accidental, but he’d enjoyed the blissfully quiet atmosphere too much, so he found himself coming back.
If you’d told Eric Richard Bittle last year that he’d willingly wake up to skate at 4am, he would’ve laughed at you. But here he is. He usually doesn’t do Sundays, but he woke up early and refreshed. It is Sunday, 4 am, the sunlight is beautiful, the first birds are chirping, and there’s a man on the ice.
The man has his back towards Bitty. He’s holding a hockey stick and he’s shooting pucks towards the net. He’s just in a t-shirt and jeans, so no pads or anything. He’s just shooting pucks.
Bitty doesn’t know this guy. He’s not on the Samwell Hockey team with him. Bitty watches him play and his shots are strong and fast. This guy clearly knows how to shoot.
But Bitty didn’t wake up early to watch a guy play. He’s here to do some spins. He likes to use his early ice time to do some figure skating. Sure, he’s chosen hockey, but he doesn’t want to be come rusty.
So Bitty clears his throat very loudly and-
Nothing.
The guy is still shooting pucks.
Bitty clears his throat even louder, but still no reaction.
Now, this guy must clearly be ‘into the zone’, as Holster calls it, but Bitty would like to skate as well.
Bitty stands there and he makes several loud noises, but this guy is so invested in his game. After a while, Bitty sighs and gives up. The rink is big enough for the both of them. He will just use the other half. He wishes he could warn the guy, though, but it is how it is.
He skates towards the other half and he starts skating routines and tricks. After a while, he hears a loud noise. Bitty turns around and he sees the hockey player look at him with wide eyes. The hockey stick is lying on the ice. He must’ve dropped it in shock, and that probably caused the noise.
This is why Bitty wanted to give this guy a heads-up.
Now that Bitty sees the hockey player, he tries not to blush. This man truly is attractive. Bitty tries to bite back a grin, but this is Samwell. Bitty feels a strange form of relief when he realises that for the first time, he’s not feeling guilty while checking out a guy.
And wow, this man is handsome.
The man tilts his head in confusion and Bitty focuses.
“Oh it’s okay, sugar, I’m just skating here,” Bitty says and he makes a small twirl. The guy watches him in awe. “You like that? Oh, you’re too kind. I’ve gotten rusty, that’s why I am here at this godawful hour. No worries, we can share the ice, although you might want to tell me if you also want to skate on my half. I just didn’t expect to find another person here.”
The guy is just staring at him, his face neutral. He points towards himself. Then, he moves his index finger to his ear and then to the corner of his lips.
“What’s that, honey?”
The guy repeats the hand motions. Point. Finger at ear. Finger at corner of his lips. Bitty has no idea what he’s doing.
The guy then balls his fist and he puts it against his chest. He makes some circles and his face looks apologetic. Then it hits Bitty.
“Oh, you’re deaf!” he asks.
The man nods. He also shakes his fist.
“Well, that explains why you didn’t hear my coughi- oh lord, you don’t understand me, do you?”
The man points towards himself. Then he holds up his index finger next to his face and he shakes his head before pointing towards Bitty.
“Sorry, dear. I didn’t think about it,” Bitty says and he makes sure to face the man. Bitty’s never met a deaf person before, but he has manners, and he figures that it’d be easier for the deaf guy if Bitty faces him.
The man’s face scrunches up for a second, but then he points towards himself again and then he moves his hand to the side and it looks like he’s grabbing something. Then he waves. He picks up his hockey stick.
“You’re leaving?”
The man nods. Then he points towards Bitty before giving him a thumbs up. This guy must really likes watching Bitty skate.
Bitty blushes a little bit. “Thank you.”
A week later, on Sunday, the guy is shooting hockey pucks into the net again. When Bitty sees him, he wants to yell out a greeting, but then he remembers that this guy won’t be able to hear it anyway.
He’s once again focused on the net, so Bitty slips on the ice unnoticed and he starts skating. Like last week, the man notices him after a while. He waves and Bitty waves back.
The man holds up his index finger, which Bitty interprets as ‘one moment, please’, and he skates towards the benches. He takes out his phone out of a bright yellow hockey bag. It is simply an atrocity.
The man types something on his phone and Bitty decides to skate towards the benches as well.
Bitty touches the man’s shoulder and he almost drops his phone in surprise, but then he turns the screen towards Bitty.
> Hello, do you come here often?
Bitty’s about to open his mouth to speak, before realising that it’s futile. His own phone is in his own bag, so he motions towards the man’s phone.
The man hands Bitty his phone, so Bitty starts typing.
> Yes, hello! Just started doing Sundays recently. What are you doing here this early?
The man laughs softly when he sees Bitty’s message and he points towards the ice.
Bitty rolls his eyes. “Okay, yes, I can see what you’re doing.”
The man must’ve understood what Bitty had said thanks to his facial expression, because he laughs again. His laugh sounds nice. It’s barely audible, but it’s there. Bitty takes the phone again and he types:
> Do you like hockey?
When the man reads the message, his face scrunches up in confusion. Bitty’s almost afraid he’s said something wrong, although he doesn’t know how, but then the man nods enthusiastically. He takes the phone and he types:
> Are you a figure skater?
“Oh I was,” Bitty sighs while looking at the ice. Then he realises what he’s done and he takes the phone again. The phone keeps going back and forth and it’s a bit annoying, but it works.
> I used to be a figure skater, but I switched to hockey. My name is Eric, by the way, but everyone on the team calls me Bitty. Yes, it’s about my height.
> You’re on the team?
> It’s my frog year. Hey, you like hockey! Why haven’t I seen you before at a game or something??
The man looks at him in shock and once again, Bitty’s afraid he might have overstepped and once again, he doesn’t know how.
But then the man types something.
> I don’t like crowds.
“Ah, okay,” Bitty says. He can understand that. Samwell hockey is a big deal on campus, so the matches are always crowded.
The man types something else.
> Want to play with me?
“Yes, sure!” Bitty says and he nods enthusiastically. He does point towards his skates to show the man that he’s wearing figure skating skates, not hockey skates, but the man shrugs and the two of them skate back to center ice.
The two of them play hockey till 7 am when the first participants of a youth tournament start to arrive. They say goodbye and on his way back to his dorms, Bitty realises that he doesn’t know his name.
The next week, the man is late.
Bitty is disappointed when the sight of the handsome man doesn’t greet him. He’s spent the past week looking up some basic sign language. But then, fifteen minutes later, Bitty hears a door and some footsteps.
The man is walking towards the ice. He has his hockey bag slung across his shoulders and he’s wearing headphones, a standard Samwell varsity jacket and, to Bitty’s horror, yellow shoes that match his hockey bag. He holds his fist against his chest and he makes circles, like he did on their first meeting.
SORRY.
By now, Bitty knows that it means sorry.
Bitty points towards him and then he uses his wide open hand to make another movement. It looks like he’s pushing the air behind him, but Bitty knows it means YOU LATE.
The man stops dead in his tracks and he has an awed look on his face. YOU SIGN?
“Don’t get too excited yet, honey,” Bitty says, but he skates towards the man. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
The man’s eyes widen. YOU DON’T KNOW?
YOU FORGOT TO TELL ME, Bitty signs.
The man chuckles and he opens the pocket of his varsity jacket. He shows Bitty his student card and he uses his other hand to spell his first name in sign language. J-A-C-K.
Then he makes a J shape on his cheek. JACK.
HELLO JACK, NICE TO MEET YOU.
NICE TO MEET YOU TOO, B-I-T-T-Y.
WANT TO PLAY? Bitty asks, and Jack laughs. He shakes his head, and for a second, Bitty is confused. Why wouldn’t Jack want to play hockey with him? He’d kind of hoped for it. Bitty is even wearing his hockey skates.
But then, to Bitty’s surprise, Jack takes his hands and he makes the same sign.
“Play?” Bitty asks. That’s what Google told him.
But Jack shakes his head. He extends Bitty’s pinkies and thumbs and then he makes Bitty’s hands move slighly up and down.
“Play?” Bitty asks again and this time, Jack nods.
Jack lets go of Bitty’s hands and he takes out his phone.
> The first ‘play’ refers to a performance play. This is the right sign for playing a game or sport.
“Oh.”
YES, I WANT TO PLAY, Jack signs happily. So they do.
A week later, they exchange numbers so that they can message each other.
> This is easier than handing the phone over all the damn time.
Bitty agrees, but he still can’t help but feel warm.
They don’t see each other out of Faber much. The campus is just too big for that, but they text regularly.
The others sometimes ask Bitty who’s constantly texting him.
“Oh, I met this nice guy a while ago,” Bitty answers.
“Bro, deets!” Ransom immediately yells and Ollie and Wicks fistbump each other.
Bitty rolls his eyes, but he can feel his face heat up. Damnit.
“Oh, yup, there are deets,” Holster whistles, “Look at our little frog finding himself a man.”
“Shut it, you guys,” Bitty says, but Ransom and Shitty keep yelling ‘deets!’ in the background. But in reality, Bitty feels quite happy. He’s in Samwell. He can openly talk about cute guys without worrying.
Not that he’ll tell the others right now. They’ve got enough chirping material already.
His phone beeps again. Jack has sent him a picture of a badly made pie.
> Hey. I tried?
“Wow, Bitty’s far gone,” Lardo says when she sees Bitty’s face.
I HAVE A QUESTION.
Jack looks a bit startled. Bitty doesn’t blame him. After all, they’re in the middle of shooting pucks towards each other.
YES?
Bitty sighs. He’s practised this sentence a lot in the past week. He’s watched the video many, many times. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU BECAME DEAF?
It’s a bit sloppy, but judging by the look on Jack’s face, he understood it. He slides one hand underneath the other as a response.
I DON’T UNDERSTAND, Bitty signs back. He knows quite some words in sign language by now, but he doesn’t understand that sign. It’s not a number, because Bitty would recognise it.
B-I-R-T-H, Jack spells out. He has to repeat it some times, since Bitty is still pretty slow with reading fingerspelling, but he gets it after four times.
BIRTH? he asks.
Jack nods.
ARE YOUR PARENTS DEAF?
Once again, Jack looks a bit in shock. This happens sometimes. Bitty never understands why Jack is so surprised by the things he asked.
I R-U-D-E? Bitty asks, just to be sure. Bitty knows that there are some things and questions that are considered rude towards Deaf people, but he thought this was a safe thing to ask.
NO! NO! Jack signs quickly, YOU SURPRISE ME. MY PARENTS ARE HEARING. FOLLOW ME.
Jack skates towards the benches, so Bitty understands that he wants to type. It will be a long story. By the time Bitty finds his phone, he already has a new message.
> I was born deaf, my parents are hearing. It was a bit of a shock for them. They weren’t prepared for it, but they soon realised that they needed to make life accessible for me.
Luckily, they didn’t have the mindset of some others who think that deafness needs to be cured. My mother actually knew some ASL. She had to learn for her work. That’s why ASL is my first language, despite the fact that I am Canadian. People in Montreal do sign ASL, but LSQ is very prominent as well. I know both. My family learned with me.
Also, I lived in Pittsburg as a child for my dad’s job, so I used a lot of ASL as a child. I grew up with a lot of other Deaf kids, which was nice.
But yes, since birth. I don’t mind. After all, I’m not missing much.
> Apart from your hearing?
> Apart from my hearing.
C-H-E-C-K-I-N-G, Jack spells out.
YES?
YOU ARE SCARED OF IT, Jack signs slowly. He looks concerned.
Bitty rolls his eyes. He’s quite aware of his little problem.
Jack waves to catch Bitty’s attention. WHAT IS WRONG?
NOTHING, Bitty signs, but Jack shakes his head. Then he skates back to the benches to get his phone. By now, Bitty knows the drill, so he follows him.
> I notice that when we play together, you move away from me. Instinctively. Hockey is a contact sport, Bittle.
Bitty sighs and he writes a reply.
> I don’t want to talk about it
> Okay. That is fine. But I can help you.
Bitty looks up and Jack is staring at him.
HELP ME? Bitty asks.
Jack nods and he types something.
> I used to coach a Deaf peewee hockey team. I might be able to help you get over this mental block. You’re a fast skater, you have good hands, you can clearly see the puck, but if you can’t take a check, then we’re gonna have a problem.
> What? Are these Sundays turning into a checking clinic?
> If you want to.
> Have you heard Beyoncé’s new song?!
> Bittle.
> Oh, yeah, oops. My bad.
Bitty’s first year at Samwell comes to an abrupt end. Well, okay, it’s not very abrupt, but it feels so sudden. Bitty has the feeling that he’s just started college and now he’s helping his mother carry boxes towards the Haus.
> Moving in. Mama’s gonna hang those damned curtains for me and then it’s back to Georgia.
> Have a nice summer, Bittle!
Bitty might surprise Jack. They haven’t seen each other this week, since they didn’t have time to skate early. Jack had to work on classes and preparations for summer.
Bitty knows where Jack lives. After all, he’s been there once. Ever since their texting got more frequent, they decided to also hang out more off the ice. That’s what friends do, after all. Jack helps Bitty with signing and Bitty helps Jack with baking.
After an hour of moving boxes, Bitty tells his mother that he’s going to say goodbye to a friend. Shitty hears this and he winks, but he remains silent, since Bitty’s mother might think it’s suspicious if Shitty starts demanding deets.
Bitty makes sure his mama has his back turned towards him and he flips Shitty off, which makes Shitty laugh, and then he slips out of the Haus.
On his way to Jack, Bitty practices some summer related signs, so that he can give Jack a proper farewell. After all, Johnson has given him a lot of ASL books as a dibs gift. He claimed that it was important for the “story progression of this AU”, or whatever that means, but nevertheless, Bitty is grateful.
When he arrives at Jack’s building, he stops. Jack is standing outside with a beatiful blonde curly-haired woman. The two of them are signing rapidly. Bitty’s too far away and they’re signing too fast, so Bitty can barely understand them, but he definitely understands it when Jack tells her that he loves him.
I LOVE YOU, he signs to the woman and he has a questioning look on his face. The woman just laughs in return and shakes her fist as a ‘yes’.
TRUE BIZ, she signs and laughs and Bitty turns around to run.
Of course - of fucking course - the first nice hot guy Bitty falls for has a girlfriend.
> Would you like me to come see your first game of the year?
Bitty looks up from his screen in shock. They talk a lot about their love for hockey, but when it comes to the team, Jack has always been a little bit standoff-ish. He also dislikes crowds. Bitty never expected Jack to willingly come to his game.
REALLY? Bitty asks in surprise.
HOCKEY IS FUN, Jack signs back.
YES! Bitty takes up a lot of space while signing it to show that he is very excited.
Jack holds up his phone to indicate that he’s going to write his response. He starts typing a few seconds later, Bitty’s phone beeps.
> I might take someone with me who knows sign, just to feel more comfortable, but I’d love to see you play. When I skate with you, you’re really great. I’d love to see you in action. You’ve gotten better at the checking as well, so I’d like to see it in a game.
Bitty tries not to swoon. After all, Jack has a girlfriend, but oh, this boy.
“Brahs. I shit you not!” Shitty yells towards the others. They’re in the locker room and they’re almost ready for their game.
The game that Jack is watching from the stands.
“What is it, Shits?” Nursey, one of the newer members, asks.
“You would not believe who’s in the fucking audience,” Shitty says, “It’s the hockey Zuko.”
“Hockey Zuko?” Bitty asks, but no one hears him, since Holster raises his voice to yell back at Shitty.
“Shits, don’t fucking mess with us, man. No way he’s here. Like, what? Dude’s been roaming around Samwell for three or four years and he’s never attended a game. Why the fuck would he start now?”
Holster and Shitty continue to bicker for a while, but Bitty decides to focus on the game ahead. Hall and Murray have made him first line material and he’s gonna make Jack proud. He’s worked hard on his checking problem.
He knows that Jack cares deeply about hockey. Bitty wants this to go well.
After a small huddle, they move towards the ice and the crowd goes wild. It’s kind of overwhelming and Bitty might never get used to all this noise. It’s kind of weird to think that Jack has never heard all this cheering.
Bitty tries to find Jack. Jack had texted Bitty his seat number. Now, Bitty doesn’t really know all of Faber by heart, but he has a hunch.
Not long after, he spots Jack. He’s also clapping.
Bitty’s heart sinks when he realises who’s sitting next to him. It’s his girlfriend.
“Holy fuck, Shits was right,” Bitty hears Dex say in the background, but Bitty decides to put these feelings aside. He has a game to win.
The first semester goes on like that. Jack regularly comes to games, on Sundays they have their checking clinic, and they also hang out off the ice.
Bitty has it bad. He knows that Jack has a girlfriend, but the heart wants what it wants.
Winter arrives and Bitty catches a terrible fever. On Friday, he goes to bed and after that, he doesn’t get up for days, except for using the bathroom. The light is too strong, so Chowder took his phone away to prevent unnecessary headaches. The team gives him a lot of store-bought chicken soup, but his head is too heavy and he feels terrible.
Someone rings the Haus bell and Bitty can hear someone open the door. Probably Ransom or Holster. Bitty decides that he doesn’t care, so he turns around in his sheets and he tries to sleep.
On Tuesday, Bitty finally feels alive. He’s well enough to bake, which delights his teammates. Shitty, Lardo, Ranson and Holster are sitting in the kitchen and they’re chanting “Pie! Pie! Pie!”
“Oh shush, y’all.”
“You sure you’re not straining yourself, Bitty-brah?” Shitty asks, but Bitty rolls his eyes and waves his concern away.
“Baking first. Living second.”
Lardo snorts.
“Oh, dudes, you would not believe who was at the door yesterday!” Ransom suddenly says.
“Who?”
“The hockey Zuko himself. Jack Zimmermann was standing in front of me, holding out a note, saying that he’s looking for Bitty.”
“What?” Shitty yells out.
“Bro, you’re telling us now?” Holster yells towards his friend.
Ransom shrugs. “Look, he needed Bits, so I decided to wait to tell him first.”
“I’m sorry, but can we go back to the fact that Jack motherfucking Zimmermann was at our fucking door?” Shitty roars out, “Or why he knows Itty Bitty?”
Bitty is confused. The teammates all know Jack?
That reminds Bitty. Chowder has returned his phone, but Bitty was so focused on wanting to bake, that he’d forgotten to look at it.
Oh lord, Jack must’ve been worried. Bitty’s been radio silent since Thursday evening.
Bitty ignores his teammates’ questions and he unlocks his phone. There are a lot of missing messages from the past few days.
> Haha. Yes, I saw an ASL cover of her song on YouTube.
Did you fall asleep or are you listening to Beyoncé again?
Good night, Bittle.
Good morning. Samwell is beautiful in winter.
Does yellow match with blue?
I went with a more navy shade of blue. No worries, I ditched the yellow shoes.
I saw a squirrel today.
Bittle?
Good night.
Good morning. I took some photos of the Pond. I heard that you have practice on the Pond in wintertime, right?
You’ve been awfully silent. Are you finally working on that paper ;-)?
Or are you busy on your Tweeter. Maybe I should make an account.
Although, then you’d be on your phone. Hmm.
[this message was deleted]
I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at Faber.
Early morning! See you very soon.
You’re late.
Bittle.
I went home. Text me back when you can, okay?
Bittle.
Eric?
If I don’t hear from you by tomorrow morning, I’m going to the Haus.
[this message was deleted]
Good morning. Please answer me.
[this message was deleted]
I’m coming to the Haus right now!
Your teammate told me you’ve been ill since Friday and that someone took your phone. That explains why you haven’t been responding to my messages. Get well soon!
“Oh lord!” Bitty gasps. Jack must’ve been terribly worried.
“Bits, have you been texting Jack fucking Zimmermann all this time?” Ransom asks in awe.
It’s no use to lie. “Yes. Do y’all know who he is?”
“Do you know who he is?” Ransom says indignantly.
“Uhm. Jack?”
“Bitty, that’s Bad Bob Zimmermann’s son!” Lardo says, “Like, dude, I’m not big on hockey compared to these nerds-” “Hey!” “- but even I know Bad Bob Zimmermann. Shit, maybe you know his mom, Hollywood actress Alicia Zimmermann?”
Alicia Zimmermann’s name rings a bell, but Bitty shakes his head. “Am I, like, talking to someone famous?”
“Super famous in the hockey world, Bitty,” Holster nods and Ransom hums in agreement.
“What? Why, what did he do?” Bitty asks and he clutches his phone in shock. Maybe this is why Jack is always so vague about his family.
The others exchange some looks.
“It’s more about what he didn’t do,” Ransom says, “He didn’t go pro.”
Shitty nods. “Look, brah, idk if we should tell you everything cause this shit is super deep and personal, and I can also imagine that the dude appreciates you not talking about it, but like, we can give you a basic rundown?”
The others nod.
“So basically, his mom is fucking famous. His dad is one of the best hockey players ever,” Ransom starts.
Holster nods. “Basically, poor Jack has had the spotlight shining on him since birth, especially since he was born deaf and people had ‘opinions’, cause you know, people think it is totally okay to have an opinion on someone’s right to exist.”
“Some wanted him to just get one of those hearing thingies in your brain, talk, and follow his mother’s footsteps and what not,” Ransom adds.
“But brah, dude is wickedly good at hockey. Like, holy fucking shitballs. He’s a fucking hockey legend himself,” Shitty says.
Lardo sighs. “He was the poster boy of inclusive hockey. Everyone expected him to go pro, like his dad. After all, he was basically better than his dad.”
“But the day before the draft, he got rushed to the hospital,” Ransom says, “No one kinda knows what the fuck happened to him. Like, obvs rumours spiraled and it was one big yikes.”
Holster is counting on his fingers. “Cocaine overdose, gang fight, fall out with his dad, ‘sodomy’ cause homophobes are gross, DUI, knive attack...”
Bitty is horrified when Holster continues listing rumours.
“Some even claim that he died,” Ransom says.
“Well, the guy clearly lives and he yeeted the fuck outta here,” Shitty exclaims, “Totally fucking goner, you know? Hockey world was pissed, cause everyone had such high expectations for him and like, suddenly he dashed all of them in one evening.”
“Tbh? Kinda gross how people treated him before and after the disappearance,” Holster grimaces.
“So, Jack Zimmermann fucks off, never to be heard of again. You must’ve imagined the look on my face when I saw him roaming around campus in my frog year,” Shitty says.
“Oh my lord,” Bitty says quietely. Everything falls into place. Jack’s vagueness about his family, his distant behaviour towards the hockey team, his lack of interest in social media, his anxious reactions.
He opens his messager app.
> I am coming over right now!
The girlfriend opens the door.
Bitty feels an absolute pit in his stomach when he sees her, but he takes a deep breath. He’s here for Jack.
He puts the pie down on the floor, so that he can sign. He’s not great at single hand signing.
HI. I AM E-R-I-C. WHERE IS JACK?
The woman’s eyes widen. “Oh, so you are Eric! Come on in, Jack is doing a small errand, but he’ll be back.”
Bitty crouches down to pick up the pie. “You’re hearing?”
“Yes, do come in. I’m Camilla. Again, Jack will be back soon and I’m about to head out. You two can talk and do other things.”
Camilla grins.
Bitty doesn’t understand what she’s talking about.
“You’re hearing and you’re fluent in ASL?” Bitty asks her as he puts the pie down on the small kitchen counter.
“Oh, yes, I’m a CODA. I met Jack in our frog year during the hearing/Deaf pairing programme. We got paired up, so that I could help him with navigating campus and interpreting.”
“I didn’t know Samwell had such a programme,” Bitty admits.
Camilla claps her hand in delight. “It’s wonderful. Thanks to the programme, I met some of the most important people in my life, namely my best friend and my girlfriend.”
Wait.
Rewind.
Girlfriend?
“Girlfriend?” Bitty asks in shock.
“Yeah, Shruti is heard of hearing and she is currently captaining rugby,” Camilla answers, unaware of Bitty’s pure and utter shock.
“You aren’t dating Jack?”
Camilla laughs. “Oh God, no. We’re best friends, but we wouldn’t work like that. Trust me, we tried. What makes you think that we’re dating?”
“I saw him signing I LOVE YOU to you at the end of last year,” Bitty admits.
Camilla squints her eyes for a second. “Oh... oh! Oh, that.” Then she laughs. “Oh Eric, oh my God, no! You’re completely misreading the situation.”
Bitty doesn’t really understand how he can misread that, but if Camilla’s saying so, it must be. He tells her that he doesn’t understand.
“Let’s just say that Jack has some problems with expressing how he feels and he decided to, well, practise it with me.”
Bitty wants to ask more about that, but right at that moment, they hear the front door opening and Jack is holding some chocolate bars.
I HAVE CHOCOLATE... he trails off when he sees Bitty.
HI, I AM NOT SICK ANYMORE, Bitty signs happily.
“Well, I am leaving!” Camilla says loudly. She also signs for Jack. Bitty wishes to be so skilled one day, since speaking and signing is difficult.
BUT I BOUGHT CHOCOLATE, Jack signs and he then points towards the chocolate bars in his hand.
“Change of plan, Jack,” Camilla says and she raises one eyebrow.
Whatever she’s talking about, it dawns upon Jack.
He nods and he walks Camilla towards the door. Camilla signs something, but Bitty can’t see it, since Jack quickly covers her hands. He looks embarrassed and Camilla laughs loudly.
Jack slams the door shut and Bitty can still hear Camilla’s laugh from the hallway.
SHE IS NICE, Bitty signs when Jack turns back to Bitty.
YES, Jack signs and he looks a bit flustered.
Bitty takes his phone out of his pocket. Jack sees it and he follows suit. Bitty’s messager app shows that Jack has now seen the message that Bitty had sent from the Haus.
> I heard that you came to the Haus. I bet you already know this by now, but I had a huge fever. I hadn’t been on my phone since Friday and in my fever hazed mind, I forgot to let you know.
> Bittle, you had a huge fever, I totally understand. No need to apologise. I’m just glad I knew where to find information and your teammate was happy to help.
> Oh well, Ransom was quite surprised to see you! He’s a great friend, so of course he’d be happy to help.
Jack frowns. Bitty can see his thumbs hovering over the screen, but Jack isn’t typing.
Another strange reaction from Jack, but now Bitty finally understands why he’s acting like this. Bitty’s just told Jack that his hockey playing friend was surprised to see Jack at the door of the hockey frat house.
Does Jack even know that Bitty knows what’s happened? How can he, since Bitty found out less than thirty minutes ago? Did Jack always assume that Bitty knew about his past? But then again, Bitty has made it pretty clear that he was unaware of the identities of Jack’s parents.
Jack looks up from his phone and sighs.
YOU KNOW? he asks. His face is quite neutral, which worries Bitty. Since Jack’s Deaf, he uses facial expressions a lot. Facial expressions are grammar in ASL.
There’s no use in lying.
YES.
Jack signs something quickly and Bitty can’t follow it.
I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND.
Jack types something on his phone.
> It was bound to happen.
> I just found out, I swear! The boys told me a little bit. Not that they were gossiping or something, oh lord! They just kinda noticed that I had no idea that you were a hockey legend, so they told me that you’re amazing at it and that you didn’t go pro.
Truly, these boys don’t have bad intentions. I swear my life on that.
> And the rumours?
Bitty grimaces.
> Yes, they told me about the rumours.
Jack rolls his eyes.
> You want to know my favourites regarding my disappearance? The first one is my ‘alleged murder by the hands of the maffia’, the second one is ‘Ibiza’.
Jack laughs at his own joke and Bitty looks up from his phone in shock. He did not expect this change of atmosphere. Jack went from passive to joking.
Bitty asks, just to be sure.
> Does it bother you that I know?
Jack shrugs.
> A little bit, but I knew it was going to happen one day, especially now that I have started attending your games.
Besides, I trust you. Nothing will change. We’re still friends.
Although I do want to tell you about it, if you want to know more. I know that there are a lot of nasty rumours floating around the internet. I know you won’t believe them, but I’d rather have you hear it from me than from some gossip blog online.
> You don’t have to! You don’t owe me any explanation.
Jack looks up and smiles sadly. I WANT TO.
OKAY, Bitty signs, but then nods towards the kitchen counter, PIE AND COFFEE? TODAY WILL BE LONG.
PIE! Jack signs happily and he waves his hands as a cheer.
They move to the kitchen and Bitty decides to cut the pie. While Bitty’s preparing the pie, Jack’s typing on his phone. It’s going to be a long story, after all. To give Jack more time, Bitty also makes the coffee. He’s been here often enough.
Bitty’s phone beeps several times.
Jack is typing rapidly.
A few minutes later, the coffee is piping hot, the pie is served, and Jack puts his phone down.
YOU CAN READ, he signs with one hand. The other one reaches for the pie.
Bitty picks up his phone and he starts reading.
> So, okay. If you want to know more about my past and my parents, you can go to Wikipedia.
Yes, I have my own Wikipedia page.
It is kind of weird. I never Google myself, but Camilla checks it once in a few months. She last checked it two months ago, and all information is still accurate.
I mean, unless some nuthead has added lies.
My ‘disappearance’ isn’t widely covered on my Wikipedia page, since I have always hidden the truth. As a result, rumours spiral, but that’s life. I assume that your teammates told you that everyone expected me to go pro, but the day before the draft, I was admitted to the hospital and that is my last public appearance.
So dramatic, right? No wonder people thought I’d died.
Okay.
Time for the itty bitty gritty part.
That was not an intentional pun, by the way!
Enough distractions.
It is not widely known, but when I was a teen, I was diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder. I take medication to control it, but the day before the draft, I overdosed.
Bitty looks up in shock. Jack’s drinking his coffee and he’s purposely looking away.
> The pressure of not only living up to my father’s footsteps, but also adhering to hearing norms and culture was just too much for me. I had a drug and alcohol addiction and it nearly killed me.
I’m fine now, obviously, but I assume your team has told you that I completely disappeared. I went to rehab, took a gap year, and decided to leave hockey behind me, apart from coaching that peewee team. Now, I’m here at Samwell, studying history and hanging out with you, Mills and Shruti. I chose this school because it is my mother’s alma matter and she’s always told me that it has a relaxed atmosphere. It is also Deaf friendly and it tries to be as inclusive and accessible as possible.
I needed to figure out who I am without all that baggage and I think I am doing quite well.
Thank you for reading.
Bitty sits there for a minute, letting it all sink in. The pressure of hockey and the hearing culture... it really makes sense that Jack doesn’t want to be part of the Samwell team. Sure, Bitty has enough arguments to convince Jack that his team would never treat him like that, but Jack had no idea of knowing.
Bitty waves his hands to catch Jack’s attention.
FINISH? Jack asks and Bitty nods.
Bitty puts his phone down and he moves over to Jack, so that he can hug him. At first, Jack freezes up, but then he pulls Bitty closer.
THANK YOU, Bitty signs. He hopes that Jack means that Bitty’s thankful for the fact that Jack’s shared all of that with him.
Jack nods.
Bitty thought it wasn’t possible to get any closer to a person, but Jack has proven him wrong. After Jack basically bared his soul, they hang out every day. Sometimes, Camilla and her girlfriend Shruti join them and they’re lovely people.
Bitty still doesn’t really understand what Camilla meant by the whole “we’re just practising” thing, but it is clear that Camilla and Jack are not in love. In fact, Camilla’s love for Shruti is apparent.
“Next academic year, we wanna move in together and get housing somewhere off-campus, since Camilla wants to find a job close to Samwell,” Shruti says and signs. She vocalises for Bitty’s comfort. She is fine with using her voice.
NEXT YEAR, I’LL BE GONE TOO, Jack signs and he looks a bit melancholy.
“Senior year!” Camilla says and signs and then she waves her hands in celebration.
“Oh wow, do you know what you’re gonna do next year?” Bitty asks and Camilla interprets for him. Bitty’s signing is decent enough, but he still has a lot to learn. It’s easier to learn from watching Camilla signing his words.
Jack shrugs.
M-S-C? he signs.
“Really? At Samwell?” Bitty asks. Jack hasn’t really talked about his future yet and since Bitty can relate to pretending that it doesn’t exist, he’s never really pushed. Now he’s curious.
I DON’T KNOW, Jack signs and Bitty frowns. The idea of having Jack around for one or two more years sounds appealing and now that it’s presented to him, Bitty kind of wants it to happen.
It is Jack’s future, of course.
Jack asks Camilla to intepret the next part. He signs and Camilla says: “I am not sure. You know that everyone expected me to go pro, but I didn’t. I saw Samwell as time to figure out what to do now that hockey isn’t my future anymore, but I’m in my senior year and I have no idea. Maybe I can use a master to get more time and I can do it here, or I can get a change of scenery.”
“Where would you go?” Shruti asks and signs.
Jack shrugs again.
He signs more and Camilla says: “A Deaf friendly school, obviously. I might even go to Gallaudet. I have applied for some undergrads there, but also at Samwell and at McGill.”
“Back to Canada?” Bitty asks. He really feels uneasy. The thought of Jack leaving makes him feel uneasy.
MY PARENTS MISS ME, Jack signs and Shruti nods.
“I understand,” she says and signs, “Mine do too.
“We don’t know what will happen,” Camilla says and signs, “But if you leave, we will miss you and we will definitely Skype you every day. But if you stay, we’re gonna party, baby!”
Jack signs something and Bitty frowns. Camilla didn’t interpret it, but Bitty is pretty sure he understood something. Bitty saw the signs STAY, REASON, NOTHING. Did Jack just sign ‘nothing to keep me here”?
Camilla looks a bit saddened. “You never know,” she signs and says.
Jack and Camilla share a look and Bitty is aware that he’s witnessing something personal. Even Shruti has looked away and she’s suddenly very interested in the menu of Annie’s. Bitty follows her lead, so that Jack and Camilla sign in peace, if needed.
After a while, Jack waves to get Bitty’s and Shruti’s attention. Whatever moment just happened has passed and they continue to hang out as if nothing’s happened, but Bitty feels more uneasy than before.
Nothing to keep him here? But what about Camilla? Is that why Camilla is so saddened to find out that Jack wants to leave?
What else could it be?
“Bits, brah, there is a visitor.”
Bitty puts the bagel bites into the oven and he looks up. He’s glad that the bagel bites are gone, otherwise he would’ve dropped the tray. Jack is standing next to Shitty. His headphones are hanging around his neck and the music is loud that it fills up the entire room. Jack doesn’t care, obviously.
Luckily, Shitty is in his underwear. He was butt-naked before.
Dex and Ransom are sitting in the kitchen and they’re also looking at Jack with a surprised look on their faces. Jack looks down and he fiddles uncomfortably with his hoodie, so Bitty decides to help him out of his misery.
He waves to get Jack’s attention and when Jack stops fiddling with his hoodie, he signs: HI. SURPRISED TO SEE YOU HERE.
OH. I AM and then he snaps his fingers on both hands while pulling his hands towards his body.
Bitty mirrors the sign with a questioning look on his face, so that Jack knows that Bitty didn’t understand.
S-P-O-N-T-A-N-E-O-U-S, Jack spells out.
Bitty nods towards the oven and signs: ALMOST FINISHED.
Jack still looks awkward, as if he’s regretting his spontaneous decision to come over. Sure, he’s come to games, but he still avoids the team outside of those games. Bitty knows that groups of hearing people make him nervous when Camilla isn’t around, and this group is a group of hockey players.
MY BEDROOM? Bitty signs before turning red. He just asked Jack if he wants to come up to his room.
Jack has a weird look on his face and Bitty is about to suggest some other place, but then Jack nods.
“Alright, Dex, keep an eye on the oven for me,” Bitty says as he takes off his apron.
Dex looks confused. “Why should I do that?”
“Because you’re the best baker when I’m not around,” Bitty sighs, “Isn’t that obvious?”
Dex is speechless because of the compliment, but then he nods.
FOLLOW ME, Bitty signs and he leads Jack upstairs. On the second floor, they run into Holster, who’s absolutely gobsmacked to see Jack.
“Jack, Holster,” Bitty says and he spells out Holster’s name, “Holtzy, this is Jack Zimmermann.”
NICE TO MEET YOU, Jack signs and he extends his hand. Holster is still star struck, and Jack looks slightly uncomfortable again, but Holster gladly shakes his hand.
“It is an absolute pleasure, bro,” Holster says and he shakes Jack’s hand so roughly that Bitty’s afraid that Holster’s gonna break it, “And can I just say that you were fucking great in Juniors and that I have always looked up to you as a player, but also as a person who fights for inclusivity in sports and like, I know you turned your back to it - totally cool, man - but you still did a lot when you were around.”
Jack gives Holster a confused smile and he looks at Bitty.
HE THINKS YOU’RE GREAT, is all Bitty can say, but he’ll text Jack the full scoop later.
THANK YOU, Jack signs to Holster.
Bitty leads Jack to his room and he hears Holster yell: “Woah, Bits, deets later!”
Bitty rolls his eyes and he closes the door behind them.
HE IS NICE, Jack signs.
YES.
AND LOUD, I ASSUME, Jack looks smug.
YES, Bitty signs very slowly to put more emphasis on it. He then takes out his phone and he texts Jack the full compliment. Jack smiles when he reads it.
> Nice to know that I left a legacy.
> Do you miss hockey?
Jack shrugs. A LITTLE BIT.
Then he turns back to his phone.
> I love to play. I will always love to play. The ice is my home and I feel best when I am in skates, but I don’t regret my decision. The culture - the sports one and the hearing one - was not good for me, so I had to go. And besides, I can still play.
I think I would’ve been devastated if I could never play again. But now I can and I can play without the additional stress.
Sometimes, I do wish I had some people to play with. It is boring to constantly lose to your speed.
Bitty laughs loudly. Jack might be a hockey prodigy, but Bitty is still the fastest skater in this school.
> I think the team wouldn’t mind you joining our shinnies.
> That is kind, but I don’t know them well enough and I cannot expect Camilla to be around to interpret all day. She’s not my interpreter, but my friend. And I don’t know what interpreter is familiar with hockey. Also, we’ll be wearing helmets and gloves and we’ll constantly move around.
Again, Bitty could tell them that his team is not shitty, but that is something Jack has to learn for himself.
> The offer stands.
> Thank you, Bittle.
> Jack, why did you visit me?
> Oh, I have to tell you something.
Bitty makes a sign to say CONTINUE. Jack starts typing again.
> I got an early acceptance to Gallaudet for Deaf History.
Bitty tries not to show his sadness. He takes a deep breath and he’s ready to fake a smile.
But when he looks up, Jack doesn’t look too excited. He looks just content.
AMAZING! Bitty still signs.
THANK YOU.
I AM HAPPY FOR YOU! Bitty signs.
Jack nods. Then his face turns serious. BITTY, I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU.
CONTINUE.
Jack looks a bit nervous when he starts to sign.
I WANT-
Jack gets interrupted by a knock on the door. Jack obviously doesn’t hear it, but he notices when Bitty instinctively looks at the door.
“Can I open the door?” Dex asks.
“Yes, come on in,” Bitty says and signs.
Dex opens the door and he lifts his hands. To Jack and Bitty’s utter shock, he starts to sign.
FOOD READY, he signs and sure, he’s used the sign for READY wrong when he should be using the sign for FINISH, but both Jack and Bitty understand it.
YOU SIGN? Jack looks absolutely stunned. Then he turns to Bitty. HE SIGNS?
I’M SURPRISED TOO! Bitty tells him.
“That is all I know for now, sorry,” Dex says and he faces Jack so that Jack can see him clearly, “But yeah, food is ready.” He signs that part as well.
FINISH, Jack signs to correct him, but Dex just looks very confused and he leaves.
Still stunned, Jack and Bitty go downstairs to the kitchen and the others have already started eating. Ransom and Holster are tearing through the many bagel bites. Shitty is looking at the one in his hand as if he’s seeing an angel and Lardo has also gotten home. Chowder has also arrived at the Haus for baked goods. Dex rolls his eyes when Holster takes a big bite.
“Bitty, brah, your bagels are a-fucking-mazing as always,” Shitty says, but to Bitty’s surprise, when he says amazing, he also signs it. He points at the bagel bites again and he signs AMAZING three times.
ALWAYS, Holster uses his empty hand to sign. The other one is pushing more food in his mouth.
Ransom points at four bagel bites and continuously signs MINE, MINE, MINE.
Chowder shakes his head and signs NO, NO, NO in Ransom’s direction, which makes the others laugh.
Jack’s looking at Bitty for an explanation, but Bitty is just as confused.
“Since when do you guys know how to sign?” Bitty asks. He tries to sign along, but the sentence is quite difficult, but then Jack nods in agreement. He also wants to know.
“Uh, since five minutes ago?” Lardo answers. She can’t sign the full sentence, but she holds up 5 fingers.
“Yeah, we got an ASL dictionary open on our phones,” Shitty says and he shows it to Jack, who realises what is going on.
YOU LEARN FOR ME? he asks and he looks so surprised and so touched. He might cry. Bitty quickly interprets it.
“It was Shitty’s idea, tbh,” Holster throws his arm around Shitty. Shitty does a thumbs up.
THANK YOU, Jack signs slowly.
Shitty motions towards Jack to sit down and Bitty quickly introduces everyone by fingerspelling their nicknames. Jack’s brows furrow in confusion when Bitty introduces Shitty.
S-H-I-T-T-Y?
DON’T ASK.
Then, Bitty starts baking the second round of bagel bites while the others talk to Jack. It is less than ideal, since no one really knows sign language and Bitty isn’t knowledgeable enough to interpret, but the boys and Lardo really make an effort.
Jack uses his phone to communicate, just like he and Bitty used to do last year. Bitty watches them and he hasn’t seen Jack so at ease among hearing people ever. Bitty knew that the team would be great. This is why he loves Samwell so much.
He just hopes that Jack won’t leave them anytime soon.
Suddenly, there’s a tap on his shoulder.
Jack looks a bit sad and he holds out his phone.
> I have to leave. Shruti texted me. Camilla has strained her wrist during tennis practise.
“Oh no,” Bitty says and he looks worried. YES, YES, GO TO YOUR FRIEND.
Jack nods and he looks really sad. Camilla straining her wrist means that she can’t sign with two hands anymore. Of course, there is single hand signing, but that is more difficult and Bitty won’t always understand it.
Jack turns back to the team and he signs slowly. I MUST GO. THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS.
Bitty interprets what Jack’s signed and the others start waving as goodbye and Jack quickly dashes out of the Haus. Bitty watches through the window and when Jack’s gone, he realises that Jack wanted to tell him something. He came to the Haus, outside his comfort zone, to tell Bitty something.
“So. Jack Zimmermann,” Ransom says.
Bitty turns around to face his team. “That was him.”
“Dece bro,” Holster says, “Appreciates your baked goods.”
“He likes sharks,” Chowder adds.
Ransom and Holster take the last bagel bites up to the attic (”Call us for the next batch, bro!”) and Lardo also goes back to her room. Dex grumbles about going to the computer lab and Chowder goes to take a nap on the terrible green couch. Only Shitty is left.
Shitty told everyone to learn sign.
Bitty must have a very grateful look on his face, because Shitty grins and says: “You’re fucking welcome, m’dude.”
“Shitty- I- Just- I don’t know what to say,” Bitty says earnestly, “I think that is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for him in a long time. I remember the look on his face when I signed for the first time. This day, the joy has been multiplied by a thousand.”
“I mean, I figured he’d come over more often and then we best make this humble abode accessible to him,” Shitty shrugs as if it’s nothing, as if he hasn’t just showed kindness on an extreme level.
“I think he’ll definitely come back now,” Bitty sighs happily.
“Dude, flattery is cool and shit, but he’s definitely coming back for you. We’re just extras,” Shitty says, “Besides, you should’ve seen the look on his face when he first saw me. He’s lucky that I’m at least wearing underwear.”
“Still. He wouldn’t come here for silly ole me,” Bitty says, sounding a bit more strained. It is true.
Bitty checks the oven and when he turns back to Shitty, Shitty looks very confused.
“Bro. That boy is straight up into you.”
Bitty begins to sputter. This is the second time today that Shitty’s rendered him speechless.
Shitty scratches his chin. “Okay, maybe not ‘straight’ up, get it? Get it? Cause that boy ain’t straight.” Shitty laughs at his own joke and he doesn’t notice the new look on Bitty’s face.
Jack. Not straight?
“Jack ain’t straight?” Bitty asks and Shitty stops laughing.
“Well... I mean, I don’t want to be a cishet dick who assumes people’s sexualities and that shit, but the way he looked at you today? Brah, there is no heterosexual explanation for that.”
“Wait, so... you don’t know for sure?”
“Well, back in the day, shit was said.”
“What shit, Shits?”
Shitty looks more confused than ever. “I thought you knew by now? Didn’t you look him up?”
“Shitty B. Knight, just answer me already and pull me out of my misery!” Bitty yells loudly, and Chowder groans from the living room, but Bitty doesn’t care. If Jack’s not straight, then that means that Bitty’s been beating himself up for nothing. For almost a year, he felt stupid for falling for a straight boy, and now Shitty says that there’s a big possibility that that boy isn’t even straight.
Shitty sighs. “Bits, before the overdose, there were other kind of rumours. I know that even though you love hockey, you don’t know shit about NHL players, so I assume you’ve never heard of Kent Parson?”
Bitty shakes his head.
“Idk just know that Jack and Parse were fucking slaying the league together. They were the best of bros. They demolished every other player with their plays. Like... legendary, brah, legendary. Parse even learned sign for Jack. And there were a lot of rumours that their relationship off the ice was, well, more than friendly, if you catch my drift.”
Bitty nods. He definitely catches the drift.
“And fuck, I know they are rumours, but it was always in the back of people’s minds. You know... that they weren’t straight. Like, why the fuck do you think we keep demanding for deets? And Holster was super loud so everyone heard the fangirling and lemme tell you, when Holster thanked Jack for inclusive hockey, he was totes talking about LGBT rep as well. And sure, rumours are just rumours, but just the thought of two of the best players being queer can be inspiring enough for some people. And like, Jack fucks off and he goes to the gayest fucking college in North America and the way he just looked at you... man, that shit is love. So yeah, still based on rumours, but also based on my own observations, I don’t think he’s straight, dude.”
Bitty and Shitty look at each other in silence while Bitty processes the news. He never knew this, because he never went looking for additional information to respect Jack. He doesn’t regret that, but this is huge.
And Shitty is right: the others must’ve known. After all, Holster indeed yelled about deets when Jack went into Bitty’s room. They all must’ve agreed with Shitty’s reasoning to learn sign.
Jack maybe isn’t straight.
This can change everything.
The oven pings and Shitty jumps in shock, banging his knee against the table. “Fucking, fuck me!”
Bitty takes the bagel bites out of the oven while Shitty continues cursing.
What to do now?
“I’m going to the Pond. I need to think. Tell Rans and Holtzy that the bagel bites need to cool down,” Bitty says.
“Didn’t stop them last time,” Shitty says and Bitty rolls his eyes. Of course, his boys would risk burning their mouths for his baked goods.
Bitty puts on a jacket and he leaves the Haus. On his way to the Pond, he can’t help but think about Jack. Shitty is certain that Jack’s in love with Bitty.
Could Bitty have known? Was he too caught up in the assumption that Jack is straight?
Jack is kind, but he is kind to everyone. He’s really passionate about the things he likes. He’d probably take the bullet for Camilla, that is how loyal he is. He’s helped Bitty with his checking problem without asking for an explanation, and thanks to him, Bitty’s survived a few checks on the ice without passing out. He’s smart, he’s handsome, he’s loving.
It is clear why anyone would love Jack, but why would he love Bitty? What does Bitty have to offer?
Once Bitty arrives at the Pond, he sits down underneath a tree. The fields of grass surrounding the Pond are filled with Samwell students, since it is a lovely day for later February.
Maybe the idea that Jack isn’t straight isn’t the main problem, but the idea that Bitty thinks he’s unlovable. He’s loud. He’s rude if he wants to. He’s messy. He can’t concentrate on shit. He’s the opposite of the introverted, quiet but passionate Jack.
Bitty’s had a crush on Jack ever since they met, but he never believed it could be possible. He thought that it was only due to Jack’s assumed heterosexuality, but it’s not.
But even though Bitty is loud, brash and rude, Jack sticked around. They’re complete opposites, and yet Jack wants to hang out with him. Jack texts him daily with nerdy facts and questions about baking.
And yes, sometimes Bitty finds Jack looking at him a bit longer, but there must be an explanation that doesn’t involve love.
But what if?
Camilla has always said that Jack isn’t good with expressing his feelings. What if there is indeed something?
If that is so, then he needs to go home.
Bitty’s only been at the Pond for a few minutes, but he races back to the Haus. He’s written Camilla’s address down once, so he knows where to find Jack if necessary. His heart is beating. For the first time, he’s hopeful.
Bitty barges through the front door and he scares the living daylights out of Chowder, but he runs up the stairs. Once he’s in his room, he picks up his agenda and he tries to find the right page with the addresses.
“Bro!” Shitty yells from downstairs. Then, he runs upstairs too. When he’s standing in Bitty’s doorframe, he says: “Bro, Jack was just here.”
“Excuse me?” Bitty says.
“Yeah, right after you left for the Pond, he was on our fucking doorstep again. Said that he’d forgotten to tell you something!”
“What,” Bitty closes his agenda, “Shitty... what?”
Shitty nods frantically. “I told the dude that you’re at the Pond. You must’ve missed each other. The Pond’s pretty huge, so maybe he took a route to a different side of it or idk.”
“Bitty, get your man!” Lardo yells from across the hallway.
Ransom and Holster start stomping the floor of the attic and hooting in support.
Chowder is also cheering from downstairs.
These boys... his team... Bitty loves them.
“It’s happening, dude,” Shitty says, “I think it is finally happening.”
Bitty pushes Shitty out of the way and he runs out of the Haus, back to the Pond. By the time he arrives, he’s out of breath. He’s fast on skates, but not on his feet. He looks around and Jack isn’t there.
The Pond is big, but instead of looking for him, Bitty pulls out his phone.
> Where are you?
The reply is quick.
> Almost home. Why?
He’s gone. Jack’s already gone. Maybe he feels rejected, so Bitty has to act fast.
> I’m coming over. Wait for me outside.
With his phone in hand, Bitty starts running again. Jack’s apartment is just off-campus.
> Is everything alright, Bittle?
“Oh, it will be,” Bitty says underneath his breath.
As agreed, Jack’s waiting in front of his building. He’s leaning against the wall with his eyes closed and his headphones on.
“Jack!” Bitty yells out instinctively, before realising that he is a stupid idiot. Of course, Jack’s not gonna hear him.
When Bitty’s in front of him, Jack must’ve felt his presence, since he opens his eyes and he smiles when he sees Bitty.
HEY.
HEY. YOU’RE LOOKING FOR ME? Bitty signs sloppily. He’s too energised to focus.
Jack puts his hands on Bitty’s shoulder to steady him.
WHAT IS WRONG? he signs with one hand. The other one is still holding Bitty.
NOTHING. I RAN.
YOU RAN?
WE NEED TO TALK, Bitty signs and he takes a deep breath, BUT I DON’T KNOW THE SIGNS.
COME IN, Jack signs and he opens the front door.
Bitty follows Jack inside and they ride the elevator in silence. Now that the rush of energy is disappearing, the nerves are slowly coming back.
Oh God, what will happen next?
Bitty hasn’t even taken the bagel bites with him. He’s barging into Jack’s home empty-handed. Oh, this will be a disaster.
THIRSTY? Jack asks when they’re inside and Bitty shakes his head. He doesn’t need anything to drink. He needs to hear what Jack has to say.
YOU CAME BACK.
Jack smiles half-heartedly. TRUE-BIZ.
WHY? HOW IS CAMILLA?
Jack holds up his phone and then he starts typing. Bitty waits for the message to arrive.
> Mills is fine. Annoyed, mostly. Signing and playing tennis will be difficult and she might have to sit out her last competition with Samwell ever. But I couldn’t ask more, because the moment I entered the tennis frat house, she practically threw me out.
> What. Why?
Jack waits a while before typing the next message. He’s thinking about what to write.
> Because she knew I was going to tell you something. She demanded I’d go back to you.
But you were gone. Your friend Shitty (is his name really Shitty?) told me you were at the Pond, so I went there, but I couldn’t find you. And now you’re here.
Bitty laughs. YES HIS NAME IS S-H-I-T-T-Y. LONG STORY.
Jack laughs too. TELL ME SOME DAY.
BUT WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TELL ME?
Jack looks flustered and he raises his hands a couple of times to start signing, but every time, he hesitates.
YOU WANT TO TYPE? Bitty asks.
Jack shakes his head. He takes a deep breath and to Bitty’s surprise, he closes his eyes. Then he signs: I WANT TO KISS YOU.
Since Jack has his eyes closed, he can’t see the look of utter joy on Bitty’s face. Shitty was right. Jack wants to kiss him.
All the nerves from before seem to simply disappear. Bitty puts his hand on Jack’s arm.
Jack is nervous when he opens his eyes, but then he sees how happy Bitty looks. Bitty uses his other hand to sign: SAME.
REALLY? Jack looks disbelieved.
REALLY. HOW LONG?
Jack looks embarrased. LAST YEAR?
“Jack!” Bitty yells out before pulling him into a kiss. A year? They’ve both been pining for a year, since they met. Oh, they’re so stupid.
Of course, after kisses comes pie. Since Bitty arrived empty-handed, he quickly bakes one in Jack’s kitchen.
I WANT TO DATE YOU, Jack signs, looking earnest. It makes Bitty’s heart melt.
SAME.
I’M HAPPY.
Bitty stops himself from making a lattice pie top to sign: CAMILLA KNOWS?
Jack laughs and nods his head. IT IS STUPID.
NOT! Bitty signs back before returning to his pie.
Jack grabs his phone to type something and while Bitty continues his pie, his phone beeps a few times. Bitty puts the pie into Jack’s fancy oven and he unlocks his phone.
> Yeah. She’s gotten tired of my, uhm, pining.
She’s been trying to help me confess how I feel, but it didn’t go well. I just chickened out the entire time. I am not great with sharing. I just automatically assume that people know what I mean. Camilla says it can be infuriating.
At one point, last year, she even tried to practise with me how to tell I love you to someone.
Bitty looks up from his phone. It all makes sense now. Bitty saw Jack and Camilla sign to each other that they love each other, which broke Bitty’s heart. That’s why he was convinced that they were dating, until Camilla told him about Shruti.
Camilla had even said it: Jack was practising it on her.
Bitty slaps himself on the forehead and Jack furrows his brows in confusion.
YOU OKAY? he asks.
IT’S NOTHING! Bitty reassures him and Bitty continues reading. He will tell Jack the full story from his side later.
> It was my early admission to Gallaudet that pushed me over the edge. Bittle, I want to stay at Samwell, but I felt like I never had a reason to. I wanted a reason to stay. I wanted that reason to be you. Camilla knows this.
So I kind of had a meltdown.
I was afraid that you might not feel the same. You’re so cool and kind and caring. How could I ever live up to that? You’re amazing and you’re the kindest person I’ve met in a very long time.
Bitty tries not to cry. He was so sure that he was unlovable, but here Jack is. He loves him and Jack was under the impression that he was the one not good enough.
> But then I just realised that I needed to be honest with you.
I want to kiss you. I want to hold your hand. I want to be with you.
A new message from Jack appears.
> Do you want that too?
Bitty laughs and his eyes start to water. YES! YES, I WANT THAT.
YES? Jack looks disbelieved.
WE KISSED. Bitty waves his hands to cheer them on and it makes Jack laugh.
Jack looks so relieved and so happy. He dips Bitty for another kiss and Bitty can’t complain.
4 months later
“Last box!” Shruti sighs in relief.
“Guys, it’s been four months. My wrist is basically healed. I could’ve helped carrying the boxes!” Camilla says and signs. It’s true. Her wrist is doing fine and she’s signing again. It was tough without Camilla interpreting, but Bitty’s found a possible solution.
COOL. READY FOR F-L-A-S-H CARDS? Jack asks and Bitty groans. His solution unfortunately involves flash cards. He needed a language requirement, and luckily, Samwell offers ASL. Bitty’s never been the best student, so the flash cards are annoying, but hey, at least it isn’t French.
Besides, Jack and Bitty don’t want Camilla to be there all the time. She’d be the awkward third wheel. Bitty has an actual reason to learn ASL opposed to a language like French.
Well, he’s definitely gotten better in the past few months and he uses his knowledge to teach his team sign language. Jack and Shitty have become fast friends. Jack’s even gone up to Boston with the team to visit him.
READY, Bitty signs.
“No studying today!” Camilla yells out, “Jack, it is time to party! Shruti and I moved in.”
Jack playfully rolls his eyes. FINE.
Shruti has gotten a bottle of champagne from somewhere and she pops the cork. Bitty and Camilla jump at the loud pop. Jack and Shruti share an amused look.
Jack grins and signs: HEARING PEOPLE ARE FUNNY WHEN THERE’S A LOUD NOISE.
“Yup,” Shruti says and signs.
Camilla quickly gets some glasses from a box labelled kitchen’and the four of them cheer to Camilla and Shruti’s new apartment.
FUTURE, Jack signs and he raises his glass.
“To the future!” the others join in.
The four of them laugh and of course, Bitty has a pie, but after two hours, Bitty and Jack say their goodbyes. The boxes are now inside, but Camilla and Shruti still need to unpack.
Jack lives close by, but he walks Bitty home. On their way to the Haus, they discuss Jack’s new courses now that he’s enrolled at Samwell’s History master programme.
I’M GLAD I STAYED, Jack signs happily.
SAME.
At one point, they should be turning right, but Jack keeps walking straight forward.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING? Bitty asks.
Jack grins. LET’S GO TO FABER. IT’S BEEN A WHILE.
That is true. Now that Bitty’s better at checking, there have been less checking clinics. Bitty sees it as a good sign. They still skate together and Jack has even joined the team for a friendly match, but it’s been a while since they were there.
Bitty puts his hand over his heart. He loves Faber.
FABER IS BEAUTIFUL, Jack signs.
Faber is empty, but it is still unlocked. They pass a guard, who nods, and they go to the ice. Faber really is beautiful with the incoming sunbeams reflecting on the ice.
They don’t have skates on, but they still go on the ice. They steady each other.
Jack turns to Bitty and he smiles widely.
“You’re not going to propose, are you?” Bitty instinctively says that out loud.
Jack frowns when he sees the look on Bitty’s face and he signs ????.
Bitty turns red. He now has to tell Jack, since it is very rude and hurtful to act like he didn’t say anything. So with reluctance, he gets his phone and he texts:
> You’re not going to propose, are you?
Jack’s phone vibrates in his pocket, so Jack checks it to see Bitty’s message and when he does, he has an amused look on his face. Bitty wants to disappear.
> We’ve only been dating for 4 months, bud. I’m not going to propose.
A proposal at Faber center ice would be lovely though, but that is not what is happening.
4 MONTHS IS TOO SHORT, Bitty agrees.
I AGREE. MAYBE LATER.
Bitty tries not too focus too much on that last part, but his mind is reeling. Four months really is too soon to even talk about marriage, but now he can’t help but imagine a center ice proposal in his future.
He coughs. It’s time to remove that image out of his mind.
THEN, WHY ARE WE HERE? he asks.
BECAUSE I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, Jack signs and he smiles softly, I LOVE YOU.
Bitty also smiles. He isn’t surprised by this. Even though they never actually told each other, they both know that they love each other.
Therefore, Bitty signs I LOVE YOU TOO with ease.
Jack’s smile widens and they kiss. It is perfect.
Jack pulls back and signs: I WANTED TO TELL YOU HERE. THIS IS WHERE WE MET.
BEST DAY EVER, Bitty signs and he puts his hand on his heart. Jack follows suit by putting his hand on Bitty’s.
I LOVE YOU, Bitty uses his free hand to say it again. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU.
Every time he says it, his smile widens and his heartbeat fastens due to the excitement. He removes his own hand from his chest to Jack can feel it.
THAT IS HOW YOU MAKE ME FEEL, Bitty signs.
SAME, Jack signs and he takes Bitty’s hand to put it on his own chest. Bitty can feel Jack’s heartbeat.
They kiss on center ice with the beautiful sunbeams lighting up Faber. It’s all that Bitty’s ever hoped for.