Work Text:
Ezra was hungry. Very hungry. Very very hungry. So hungry he could eat a horse. Maybe a man. Maybe both. He doesn't know which one he'd prefer. Does horse taste good?
Mildmay however, was definitely not feeling anything of a sort. Due to certain reasons the author will not disclose (mostly because of the fact that they had been half asleep while writing this), he was no longer a human, but a cupcake. Or was it a muffin? I don't know.
Anyway he was a cupcake/muffin, a very plain one at that, filled with raisins. He was filled with the most raisin-y raisins to ever raisin. They were so raisin you could hear oatmeal cookies screech in agony. He was nothing but a mediocre cupcake filled to the brim with raisins, which perfectly captured his entire personality. Great going mildmay.
Ezra burst into his study, trying to figure out if he could bring the hunt to life and consume it. You see, when men get desperate, they are forced to do many things that they wouldn't normally like to do. Ask mildmay here, who had locked his non existent raisin eyes with ezras and hoooooooooooooo boy did it suddenly get hot in here. He saw ezra walking toward him, and he could feel the flour raise to his cheeks. He looked up to him with his stupid little raisins which apparently work as eyes? Idk. Ezra however, didnt notice and/or didnt care. He was just hungry. He couldn't be bothered with foodstuff going all goo-goo eyes at him. So without warning, he just stuffed that horrible excuse of a pastry into his mouth, only to spit it out after finding out that no they weren't chocolate chips eweweweeewwwwwwww. Ezra rubbed his tongue with sandpaper, poured oil onto whatever the fuck that was and burned the entire building because anything that has come into contact with that abomination from the depths of hell is forever tainted and must be burnt to the ground.
Meanwhile mildmay shrieked in pain, his entire being set aflame, and also because the one person he truly loved spat him out like cheap chewing gum. Silly mildmay, didnt you know? No one loves raisins. Especially not the ones that impose as chocolate. How dare you. How dare you taint the name of chocc with your evil wrinkled grape skin. What a loser, honestly. Thinking ezra could ever love him.
And there went Mildmay, soon reduced to nothing but ash, drowning in flames and his own tears. Like he should be.