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Kaoru looks over his shoulder, pulled from his thoughts by the sound of the door opening. Ambient party noise and Rei’s slim form pour onto the balcony.
He winks, waves hi . Rei nods in return, muting the commotion again as he slides the door shut. He steadies himself against the glass door-- the party was loud and bright, but Kaoru is particularly hard on his weak constitution.
His partner is dazzling under the city lights. He has such a versatile way of being that just makes him seem to belong , whether it’s on a sunny beach, neon stage, or this intimate balcony. Draped invitingly across the railing and so casually collected, Rei wonders how he’s stopped himself from coughing his heart up into Kaoru's palms. Kaoru looks at him with a warm, tired smile that pulls on Rei's instinct to provide a shoulder to lean on.
It feels like he’s being sized up by Rei’s gaze for a moment, before he joins Kaoru in leaning against the banister, facing him instead of the cityscape. “Well, well, so this is where Kaoru-kun has been hiding. I was left to fight for myself in a pit of writhing beasts~”
Kaoru knows what he means when Rei calls himself a creature of the night - the fluorescent billboards and street lights, diffused light from their abandoned afterparty, and even the moon all cast Rei in a technicolor glow. Inky wisps of hair move in the wind with a mind of their own. He's unbuttoned his shirt some since Kaoru last saw him, and now Reis delicate collar bone is cruelly making Kaoru's heart skip a few beats.
He swallows that desire, hard. Following it will lead him nowhere. Here he was hoping for a distraction from his own thoughts when the person who draws him into them appears.
“Ahaha, you were looking for me? Sorry Rei-Kun, I only wanted a break from the people for a sec. Plus, I saw the balcony and just had to catch the view~” He didn’t mean to thoughtlessly leave Rei to do his work for him. His mood was dipping and a text from his dad that he’s not thinking about right now urged him to be alone.
It’s such a cute balcony, though -- whoever’s apartment this is, they definitely have a green thumb. Various sized potted plants make the space feel cozy despite the windchill. When he came onto the balcony, he ignored the chair pushed between a lush pothos and a swiss cheese plant to appreciate the gorgeous view on the other side of the railing.
A warm smile that doesn’t reach his eyes flits across Rei’s face. “If that’s the case, I’ll head back into the crowd — I wanted to make sure you were alright. My apologies for intruding-“
Kaoru darts out and grabs Rei's hand as he turns back towards the door. He shivers, unaware of how cold he was until he feels Rei’s body heat. “Rei-Kun, Rei-Kun, it’s okay... I mean, it doesn’t bother me if you’re out here, you know~?”
Anchored by Kaoru’s grip, Rei smirks dryly back at him. “Ah, I see. It appears I do not count as a ‘person’ to Kaoru-Kun. What a pity...”
Kaoru rolls his eyes. “You’re so overdramatic, you know that’s not what I meannnn~ Come here, come here~ listen to the city with me, it’s so relaxing.”
He tugs Rei over to the railing because really the handholding was getting to be a bit much, and teasingly bumps their shoulders together. He watches Rei’s nostrils flare as he sighs deeply and observes the avenue below them. For a quiet minute, they soak in the night air and city bustle together. The chill from before is subdued by Rei’s shoulder, pressed warm and bony to his.
Cathartic night air fills Reis lungs in a way nothing else does, and he quickly gets over Kaoru leaving the party without him. “Hmm... I can't blame Kaoru-Kun, either, of course he’d be drawn to a quiet place like this~ Your nature isn’t something to fight. It’s lovely to watch strangers from afar like this, isn’t it?”
Kaoru hums in agreement. “What an atmosphere~ It’s like we’re in our own world and we still get front row seats to the nightlife! All we need is-“
Rei produces a joint with a mischievous flourish that Kaoru has to laugh at, even as his throat tightens. Usually, he can at least pretend he doesn’t want more than this. Or convince himself he only admires Rei. And even if he really does like Rei like that, following him into the idol business and working alongside him as a partner is more than he should ever ask for in the first place.
But moments like this with Rei — when he doesn’t have to finish his line of thought, or doesn’t have to talk at all— crush him in a way he can’t deny.
Rei hums as he graciously hands the joint over and fishes in his pocket for a lighter. “You don’t mind sharing such a... romantic moment with someone such as myself? Surely there are plenty of beautiful people inside who are better suited to be graced with Kaoru-Kuns company right now.”
Rei’s voice is as smooth as it’s been all night, and if Kaoru wasn’t intimately familiar with heartsick resignation he would miss the subtle tone of it in the comment.
He knows Rei likes him — Kaoru isn’t dumb, and Rei isn’t particularly subtle about it. There are a thousand reasons they shouldn’t get involved. Looking at the practiced way Rei hides his longing makes Kaoru think he’s just coming up with more selfish excuses to protect himself — it can’t be as simple as liking a boy who likes him back, but is it worth pretending?
Waves of possibilities he wouldn’t usually chase crash over Kaoru in seconds. He mulls them over as he leans in for Rei to light the joint before coming up with a response. The flame casts a new angle on Rei’s face. A ribbon of Rei’s hair brushes his face, and he tucks it behind Rei’s pierced ear to save it from the lighter. They both act like Rei is standing so close to shield the lighter from the wind.
Inhaling, smoke burns down his throat. He exhales as he passes the joint to Rei, smoke disappearing in the air. Rei’s lips close over the joint and Kaoru can’t help thinking about how his own were just there —
“Rei-Kun,” shit, Kaoru’s throat is too dry, he sounds raspy and uncool, “I like spending time with you like this~ Your company is way better than any of those strangers. You’re a lot hotter than any of them, too.”
Rei’s eyebrow quirks, but he remains silent as he takes a hit. His gaze doesn’t leave Kaoru until he turns to exhale slowly, smoke spinning into thin air, and melding with the traffic below them. It’s an almost-declaration. the closest thing to one Kaoru can bring himself to say, and one Rei could probably pick up on in his sleep.
But also, man, sometimes Rei totally misreads people.
Looking out at the city again, Rei sighs and makes a joke about how attractive and distant Kaoru is, heart aching along with the rest of his body to understand the sweet boy next to him. He wants so much more than the sensation of rolling paper warm and wet with Kaoru’s spit.
He snorts at Rei’s joke, and his obliviousness. Rei doesn’t make anything easy for himself.
So, Kaoru takes a pull from the joint. There's an eruption of laughter from inside the party, and it briefly reminds them both of childhoods spent at family gatherings, hiding in empty rooms adjacent to the commotion. Listening, but never part of it.
Kaoru’s has been lonely his whole life — Rei, too. If he can do something about that, he should, right? It’s a burden they could carry together.
It only takes two fingers on Rei’s jaw to turn him towards Kaoru — it feels like one of the easiest things he’s ever done. Rei’s eyes are wide, lips already slightly parted, and Kaoru closes the distance. He exhales smoke into Rei’s mouth. The littlest points of contact, lips barely touching and noses brushing together, are white hot. Rei’s lips are chapped.
“Kaoru-kun-“ Rei’s breath hitches desperately, then he’s wheezing and coughing into his elbow. Kaoru laughs at him, but sympathetically puts a hand on his bicep.
“Sorry, sorry~ You totally weren’t expecting that, haha. Catch your breath, okay~ I don’t wanna call an ambulance tonight. You’ll be alright, right~?”
Rei can feel his face turning red and pretends it’s from hacking up a lung instead of Kaoru’s smooth maneuvers. “Kaoru-Kun, you really gave me a shock- I just don’t know what to do with you sometimes.”
“Once you stop wheezing, you could kiss me again~” Kaoru laughs, it’s one of his light and nervous lilts that knocks the wind out of him again. Rei is beginning to fear he’ll never get to kiss Kaoru, and it’s all Kaoru’s fault .
Rei has an epiphany about how overrated breathing is. Teeth first, he’s on Kaoru. Kaoru jumps a little, surprised laugh spilling into Rei’s mouth for a moment before cupping his face and getting serious. Reis free hand molds easily to the curve of Kaoru’s waist.
Fanning his fingers down Reis neck — sliding past the collar to rest on Reis bare shoulder is a simple task. When Rei hums in approval, he can feel it in his chest where something wound tight loosens a little.
Kaoru pulls back, just to see Rei better, and laughs self deprecatingly. “Man, Rei-Kun was being kind of desperate just now~ But...I’ve wanted to do that for a while~ I just- I just didn’t even let myself think about it.”
Rei is quiet for a long moment. He turns his head to gently kiss one of Kaorus palms. The sad smile on his face reaches his eyes this time. “I’m quite familiar with the feeling, try not to hold it against yourself.”
Not having a comeback for Rei’s sincerity, Kaoru's impulse to keep kissing him is replaced with a deflating feeling at the distant look in Rei's eye. Shyly, he curls an arm around Rei’s side and rubs his cheekbone on the knob of Rei’s shoulder. The faraway people bustling in the street must have lives just as complicated, but knowing it doesn’t feel any less isolating. Rei’s temple presses against his own after a moment, and Kaoru's voice comes out whinier than he means for it to. “I don’t know what to do, Rei-Kun... I don’t want to hurt UNDEAD, but you’re just so~oo sexy...”
Rei laughs like he was caught off guard, hearty as he turns to bite the shell of Kaoru’s ear. His lack of verbal teasing makes Kaoru think he shares the same braincell. Well, he’s more than happy to not go down that rabbit hole right now.
Especially when he has the opportunity to feel Rei’s lips start to quirk into a smile against his instead. It is an opportunity he doesn’t let himself miss.
Rei coaxes Kaoru’s tongue into his mouth, bite sharper and more painful than Kaoru expected, but not unwelcome. Still, he makes an embarrassing noise Rei has the nerve to chuckle at. The purr Kaoru gets out of Rei by raking his nails down his side doesn't feel like the retaliation he’d hoped for.
“Oh, Rei-Kun, we should totally put that out,” Kaoru gestures towards the joint between Reis fingers, canoeing from neglect. Kaoru's face scrunches up as he watches Rei flick away the hot embers. No way is his finger calloused enough to not feel the burn.
“We wasted so much of it,” Rei clicks his tongue in disappointment.
“That’s kind of my fault, sorry~”
“You don’t sound very apologetic, Kaoru-Kun.”
Kaoru laughs and winks in mock innocence. He's stroked Rei’s ego plenty already tonight and doesn’t need to tell him he’s right on top of everything else.
Kaoru sighs, looking over his shoulder at the sliding doors and silhouettes moving behind them. “We should really head back to the party before anyone realizes we’re gone... We’re supposed to be making connections here, remember~?”
“Kukuku, how responsible of you... But, we are making connections, Kaoru-Kun. If we slip out unnoticed, we could certainly go make more,” Rei pulls him closer, teeth comfortably pressed into the crook of Kaorus neck. He’s disappointed it took Rei this long to start nipping at his throat.
Kaoru lets Rei slide his icy hands up underneath his sweater, which is a testament to his tolerance because Rei's hands are really cold . They just happen to feel nice tracing the knobs of his spine.
Kaoru laughs, his breath leaving puffs of vapor to evaporate in the air like his motivation to socialize. “Rei-Kun is soooo evil~”
He doesn’t want to drag himself into the party again, and he didn’t want to go to it in the first place. Even if Rei’s suggestion was that they go chastely read a dictionary together, he’d probably take up that offer over talking to more personal stylists and videographers. A responsibility to Koga and Adonis on his own conscience keeps him from creeping out of the building and leaping into the night with Rei.
Maybe tonight he can meld into the shadows with Rei, pretending that their world is as small and uncomplicated as this balcony. As long as he makes sure his juniors don’t get dragged down by him again, first.
“Hmm~ Okay, okay, we each talk to three more people, then you can have your sick and twisted way with me~ Sound like a good deal?” Kaoru pecks Rei’s cheek as he slides his hands down Rei’s sides to squeeze the other cheeks he has.
“No, that sounds terrible— I don't want to be here another moment, but I suppose I can agree to those terms anyway...” Theatrically, Rei sighs as if the world is resting on his shoulders.
As Kaoru scoffs, Rei leans further into him, soaking up his heat and pulse and kindness for a self indulgent moment. The way Kaoru shifts against him suggests he’s indulging himself, too.
Slightly more drastic measures may be necessary to make it through the party... Rei justifies as he starts working on a masterpiece of a hickey on Kaoru’s' neck. The world is suddenly so cold when Kaoru pushes him back a step and revokes his cuddling privileges.
“You gremlin, I don’t have any concealer on me! That’s it, let’s go get this over with~” Kaoru rolls his eyes and grins at Rei. Finally, he turns away from the skyline to unmute the party and get to work.