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When Blaine’s phone tings, he picks it up with shaking hands, sniffling and wiping the tears from his cheeks. He unlocks it, a tiny smile growing on his face when he sees he’s got a message from his online friend, Ellina, perhaps the only real friend he has anymore.
Ellina: Hi, B! How are you feeling?
He considers what he wants to say back. He’s not doing great, but he’s not sure he wants to be a downer. He does that often enough. But… she’s the only one speaking to him at this point, and he knows he needs someone. Sitting here in bed and crying won’t fix anything.
Blaine: Honestly, not great.
Ellina: Why? What’s going on?
Sighing, Blaine considers how to tell her without just dumping all his troubles in her lap at once.
Blaine: Uh, well, you remember that friend I told you about, the one that I’ve known for a few years now? Well, he, um, he… I think the friendship might be over now.
Ellina: I have time if you want to talk about it, B. You don’t have to, but I’ll listen if you want.
Sniffling again, Blaine smiles shakily at his phone. This is just another reason she’s a great friend, he thinks to himself. What would I do without her?
Blaine: I’ve been texting him, but he never replies. I had to bail the last few times on our plans because of my pain, but when I explained it to him, he said it was fine then. Now, he won’t text me back, and I don’t know what to do. I apologized for how hit and miss I’ve been recently, but I don’t think he cared.
Talking about the whole situation brings his tears back to the surface, and he clicks his phone off, burying his face in his hands again and crying. It’s not fair. At least, that’s what he tells himself. He’s never had a great track record with friends, but this time, with Alex, he’d thought he was cultivating a life-long relationship. He’d been friends with Alex before his fibro diagnosis, and he’d been nothing but supportive back then. Now, it appears, Alex is ghosting him, and Blaine has no idea what to do about it. Thinking about it makes the tears fall harder.
Eventually, his tears slow enough he can look at his phone again, and he sees he’s got a reply from Ellina.
Ellina: I’m sorry he’s doing this to you, B. You don’t deserve to be treated like that, and it’s NOT your job to apologize again. If you can’t go out, you can’t, and a real friend will understand that. Have you considered that it might be time for you to move on…?
Ellina: Have you talked to Kurt about the problem? What does he say?
Blaine: I’ve thought about it… It’s just a hard choice to make, you know. I mean… You know I believe in soulmates, and I believe that each person gets multiple soulmates for different roles in their life. I’ve got Kurt, I’ve got you, and I thought I had Alex, too, but now… I just don’t know if I can make that decision, E. It might kill me.
Blaine: Kurt knows. He says the same thing…
Almost as soon as he sends the messages, he sees the three little dots pop up, letting him know that Ellina is replying. He watches them, brushing at his wet cheeks and sniffling. He feels like those three dots are his lifeline. Without them, he might really lose it.
Ellina: I know. It’s a hard decision to make about any friend, but especially about someone you thought was your soulmate. But even though it’s hard, I think it might be better for you in the long run. You don’t deserve to be treated like this, B. Especially not by someone you consider to be a friend.
Blaine: You’re right. I know you’re right. And, I know it’s what will be best in the long run. I just can’t shake the feeling that I’ve wasted my time on someone who I thought was in my corner. It makes me feel used, E. It makes me feel like I’ve never really known what a friend is.
Ellina: That’s hard. I spent years of my life, like, my entire childhood being used by someone. When you realize that, it’s hard. The hurt is hard to move past, but once you do, you’ll never look back. You’ll realize you’re better for it, and you’ll learn and find new friends.
Blaine: I honestly don’t know if I want to try to find any more friends. I know I’m only 25, but I’ve been through this so many times before that it feels pointless. I think you are the first person who ever approached me about being friends, E. Everyone else has waited for me to make the first move, and look at how that’s turned out.
Ellina: No one is going to press you to look for more friends, B. You need some time to heal and learn who you are without that friend again, and that’s okay. Losing friends like this, people whom you thought were really in your life to stay requires a grieving process. Even though they’re still living, in a way, they’ve become dead to you. You need to give yourself some time to process that. And, while you’re healing, I’ll be here. So will Kurt.
At this, Blaine smiles. Her words are making him teary again, but they’re the good kind of tears, the kind you cry when you’ve really needed someone to give you some love and then they do.
Blaine: Thank you, E. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Really…
For a moment, he considers his next words.
Blaine: I think I know what you’re going to say, but I have to ask… Is there something wrong with me? Do I force people to leave me behind? Is there something I do that makes it hard for other people to be friends with me?
It takes a few minutes for Ellina to reply, and Blaine learns why when he sees her monstrous message.
Ellina: No. Absolutely not. It’s not you. You… have a big heart, B. You give and you give and you give to people, and you don’t expect them to give you anything in return. It’s just the kind of person that you are. And, even when others start out with the best of intentions, it’s easy for them to take advantage of that. You make it simple for them to accept your help, especially because they know you’ll never say another word about it. But that doesn’t stop them from feeling guilty. That feeling of owing you something builds and builds inside of them, and it makes them panic when they realize they can’t pay you back for everything you’ve done for them. So, for some people, it’s easier to run away, to ignore the thing that’s causing them to feel uneasy. It doesn’t mean that you’ve done anything wrong, B. You’re one of the most loving, caring people I know; there are not many people like you, and sometimes, friends don’t know what to do with a person like that.
As Blaine gets to the end of that message, he sees Ellina has sent him something else.
Ellina: I don’t want to make this harder, but I want to see if you’ve considered something. Alex and I were filling the same role in your life, right? We were both your friends, but we were also both your soulmates. Maybe, even though you can have multiple soulmates, maybe they can’t fill the same role.
This gives Blaine pause, and he thinks for a few minutes before responding.
Blaine: I’ve never thought about that before… I suppose you could be right…
Blaine: Thank you for saying all of that, E. It doesn’t really make this whole situation any easier, but I know it’s going to take time for it to seem easy. Thank you for always being there for me. You honestly make me feel so much better just by sending me a few messages every day, and I don’t know if I would survive if I didn’t have you. Sometimes, I feel so alone here. Most of the time, all I’ve got is the TV and my laptop. Kurt’s at work, you have a job, and I feel like a big bother sometimes, texting you when I know you’re probably busy. But you never complain, and you always reply eventually. You never act like I’m bothering you, and you’re always willing to talk when I need to get something off of my chest. Sometimes, I’m so overwhelmed by everything that you do for me. I know it sounds cheesy, but I’ve honestly never had a friend like you before, Ellina. And, I don’t want to lose you. I love you so much.
A few minutes later, he gets his reply.
Ellina: I love you, too, Blaine. You’re not going to lose me. I promise. I’m always here whenever you need me; that’s not going to change. I promise. You’re not a bother, and I’m always happy to talk to you.
Sniffling again, Blaine wipes the fresh tears from his cheeks before replying.
Blaine: Thanks. Can we talk about something happier now?
Ellina: Absolutely! Tell me about how your latest story’s going!
***
That night, when Kurt gets home, he finds his husband on the couch, typing away on his laptop. “Hey. Whatcha doin’?” he asks, plopping down beside him and leaning gently against his husband’s shoulder.
“Just working on a story,” Blaine replies, pressing a kiss to his husband’s forehead. “How was your day?”
“Fine. Long. Tiring. Will is...so exhausting. I’m never working for that man again.”
Blaine chuckles, going back to what he was doing for a few moments before saying, “I told Ellina about Alex today.”
“Yeah? What did she say?”
“What you said. That in the long run, no matter how much it hurts, letting him go is going to help me to feel better.”
Kurt sits up a little, turning to look his husband in the eye and take his hand. “I know it’s hard, but you really don’t deserve to be treated like that, Blaine. She’s right.” He pushes himself up from the couch. “Hold on to Ellina. She’s a good friend, and she’ll help you through this. I’m glad you’ve got her.”
Blaine smiles. “Thanks. Where are you going?”
“I thought I’d heat us up some dinner; are you hungry?”
“Super! I haven’t eaten much today.”
“Well, I’ll get us some sandwiches.”
“Thanks,” Blaine answers, going back to his typing. A small thought runs through his head, though, bringing a tiny smile to his face.
I may have lost a friend, but my two soulmates are amazing.