Work Text:
Dazai huffs in annoyance at the sight before him. Chuuya is sitting on the couch, his phone on hand, again. He has been on his phone since last night, talking to someone through text. Dazai asked who it was, but Chuuya just told him that it was no one important and it was work related. He tolerated his boyfriend doing work even on a Friday night, but for him to be still doing work on Saturday, his rest day?
“Ehhhh? Chuuya, you’re always on your phone!” Dazai complains immaturely, trying to fit himself in Chuuya’s arms and steal his phone.
“Let go, shitty mackerel! This is work related, you idiot. What I earn here is what I spend to buy you your favorite crab,” Chuuya scolds, pushing the taller man away from him.
“Impossible! Even on a weekend Mori still gives Chuuya work? Or is it Ane-san?” Dazai complains, glaring at the phone, stomping his foot like a spoiled brat. At a speed he stands near the glass window. "Maybe this was Mori's way of taking revenge on me for leaving the Mafia so I won't have sexy weekends with Chuuya," Dazai mumbles to himself, rubbing his chin in thought.
Chuuya hears the mumble very clearly and tsks silently. He stands up and walks toward his boyfriend, giving him a peck on the lips. "Stop overthinking, idiot. I'll get this done before noon I swear," he explains, heading to his personal office and leaving a pouty Dazai at the living room.
Of course, instead of listening to Chuuya like what an average person would do, Dazai decides to waste his time watching couple conflicts on YouTube, thinking of away on how he could get back at Mori. While munching on his crab chips, the crying lady on the reality TV suddenly catches his attention:
"He was always on his phone! He always says that it's his coworker. Then, I would find out, it was his mistress?" the lady cries in distress, wiping her excessive tears streaming down her face.
Dazai's eyes widen in horror, the lady's situation is accurately similar with his. "Chibi is cheating on me?!" he shrieked.
Dazai walks silently to their bedroom and slowly opens the door. Chuuya has his back on the headboard, still on his phone.
Is chibi really cheating on me?
Not letting his paranoia eat him alive, instead of assuming things, he decides to talk to Chuuya first. Carefully, he makes his way toward the busy man and sits beside him, letting his head fall on his shoulder. "Chuuya?"
"What do you want Dazai?" Chuuya asks monotonously, turning his phone off before Dazai could even glance at who Chuuya is talking to.
"Are you cheating on me?"
Growing tired because of work and because of Dazai's constant actions to bother him, Chuuya silently explodes right at his very spot. "What did you just ask, bastard?" he asks silently, like the quiet before the crazy.
"Is Chuuya such a chibi that he couldn't hear properly anymore?" Dazai asks innocently, glancing at Chuuya through his eyelashes.
Chuuya groans in annoyance and pushes Dazai far away from him, he's so tired of dealing with his subordinates even on a weekend and he just wants to get things done with. "What are you even saying, shitty Dazai huh?! Do you think I'm that kind of boyfriend? Who did you even hear that from?" Chuuya tsked, getting back to his phone to talk to a 'subordinate' about work.
Dazai pouts and huffs at the small attention given to him, then proceeds with the dumb plan that has been on his head since reading a very helpful article about tips on how to find out if your boyfriend or girlfriend is loyal to you 101.
He walks out off the room and grabs his phone to slouch on the couch.
1. Create a Snapchat account.
Dazai bites his nails thinking of a username that would catch Chuuya's attention. Chuuya likes hats and is deeply addicted to Dazai's neck kisses... Hmm... Dazai smirks to himself thinking of HotHatwillKissUrNeck as an effective username, but it would be too suspicious for Chuuya to even reply.
"Well... Chuuya likes wine so... Sexy Wine it is," Dazai mumbles to himself, feeling a bit excited and scared for what Chuuya's reply would be.
2. Add your BF/GF on the account.
3. Think of an interesting message that would make them reply to you.
SexyWine19: Hi sexy?
Chuuya types a quick reply to Higuchi before slumping on the bed in exhaustion, his eyes feel heavy because of phone radiation. He's about to stand up and find Dazai when he receives a message on... Snapchat? He raises his brow in confusion because he rarely uses the app. It was Gin and Higuchi who pushed him to download it anyway. As soon as he sees the name of who messaged him, he already knew. It's definitely Dazai and no one else. He slapped his forehead in embarrassment as he remembered that one time that he was so drunk he called Dazai his 'sexy wine', of course he wouldn't let it go that he would even name himself sexy wine.
TaintedChu: what do you want?
SexyWine19: aren't you gonna ask for my name first? ;)
Chuuya rolls on his stomach, confused at the question. Does Dazai think that Chuuya doesn't know it's him whom he's talking to?
TaintedChu: who r u?
SexyWine19: my name is Ren :* i saw your snap last night, u look sexy ;)
Chuuya rubs his temples in distress. "I think I already know where this is going," he mumbles to himself. This is probably one of Dazai's pranks or maybe this is still about the recent weird and sudden question from the bandaged mackerel. He checks if he had any Snapchat story posted last night and for fuck's sake there is. It was a picture of him brushing his teeth before going to bed, wearing pajamas designed with cartooned slugs, obviously bought by Dazai. Dazai also has a pair, but instead of slugs, it is printed with cartooned mackerels.
What the fuck is sexy about that? Well, this game can be played by 2.
TaintedChu: really?
SexyWine19: yes, baby. u look hot :'(
TaintedChu: thank u, i'm flattered :*
TaintedChu: wanna see more than what u saw on my story? ;)
Dazai freezes on his spot. Is he really talking to Chuuya? His boyfriend who always turns down guys or girls who approach him even when he's with Dazai? The one who just asked him minutes ago, "Do you think I'm that kind of boyfriend?" ? He bites his lips in focus, thinking of how he can catch Chuuya if he's just bluffing or he's really going to send a picture.
No, Chuuya wouldn't do that. Chibi is only attracted to me, he even says it himself.
"Unfortunately, I'm deeply attracted and in love with your shitty face," Chuuya once told him with his face buried in Dazai's chest.
SexyWine19: *-* yeah
SexyWine19: but don't u have a boyfriend?
TaintedChu: he doesn't have to know
Dazai mentally gasped at the reply.
SexyWine19: ohhh
TaintedChu: sooo...
TaintedChu: wanna see me nakey? ;)
Dazai's eyes widened at the reply. Chuuya is definitely not loyal to him. He's probably like this to every person who approaches him without Dazai's knowledge. Before Dazai can even think of a way to confront Chuuya, a picture was already sent to him. He bites his lip bracing himself of what he is about to see. He opens it and only darkness can be seen.
TaintedChu: the lights are off so you can't see me, want me to turn them on? ;)
Out of frustration and anger, Dazai stands up from the couch and heads straight to where Chuuya is. Things are definitely not going to end well. He opens the door ready to witness the scene reveal itself in front of him, but... Chuuya is on his stomach? Laughing?
"Who? Who are you talking to?" he asks in confusion. They weren't talking about something funny on Snapchat so what's so-
Chuuya's laughter dies down and he smiles cheekily at him. "I'm talking to you? Aren't I?"
"Wh-What?"
"Don't hide it anymore, Dazai. I know you're SexyWine19!" Chuuya chuckles, putting his phone on the bedside table.
Dazai's shoulders slump at that, then he throws himself on Chuuya, wrapping his arms around the latter's torso. "How did you know?"
Chuuya wraps his arms back around the Dazai and starts to play with his hair. "I still remember the 'sexy wine' incident, idiot. What was that even for? Why are you pretending to be 'sexy wine 19'?" Chuuya asks, emphasizing 'sexy wine 19'.
"I thought you were cheating on me."
"Ehhh? Why would I do that? Again, where did that idea come from?"
Dazai pouts and starts kissing Chuuya's neck. "You weren't showing me who you were talking to and you were taking so long. Then I saw a similar incident on the internet, her partner ended up cheating on him." Chuuya feels something tug at his heart, hearing a hint of insecurity on Dazai's voice.
Chuuya grabs Dazai's cheeks and squeezes in his hands, looking him in the eyes, "Osamu. I. Would. Never. Cheat. On. You."
"But-"
"I didn't want to show you who I was talking to because you work for ADA and I work for the Port Mafia, remember? Despite the truce, we're still rivals," Chuuya explains in a soft voice. He thought Dazai was just trying to get on his nerves earlier, but he was really serious. He grabs his phone from his bedside table and shows the latter his conversations despite them containing important information, he doesn't care anymore; he presses a kiss on Dazai's forehead as he did so.
"Sorry, I was being an idiot for doubting you and for even creating a fake account instead of talking it out with you," Dazai mumbles guiltily, nuzzling his face on Chuuya's neck.
Chuuya let out a sigh. "Sorry for not taking you seriously when you asked me first and sorry for pranking you instead of confronting you. You know that I love you, right?"
Dazai nods his head subtly, "Yeah, but I love you more."