Work Text:
"That didn't stop you before."
"Hm?" Hitoya looks up from the documents in his hand, finding two pairs of eyes boring into him from the other side of the desk. Suddenly he remembers why he used to have his teammates wait outside for him while he works...but who is he kidding. As if a rule like that would keep the brats out of his office.
Kuko narrows his eyes, glaring at Hitoya from where he sits...incorrectly, actually, having turned the chair around so that he rests his folded arms and chin on the back of it. At least Jyushi is sitting normally, but he's got Amanda on his lap and is petting her like some kind of spy movie villain. Ah, shit. He only ever does that when he's bothered by something. Clearly Hitoya's done something to piss them off, but damned if he knows what it is.
"I said," their division leader snarls, "'That didn't stop you before.' Didn't you plan on being a doctor back in grade school? And now you're suddenly realizing smoking's bad for you?"
The lawyer rolls his eyes. "Does it matter when I realize it? Better I quit while I'm…" Wait. He can't say young around these two, or he's giving them an excuse to go on about how old he is. "...still healthy. I can already hear my voice getting raspier. Pretty sure that doesn't help in rap battles--"
"Maybe not for us it doesn't…" Jyushi mutters under his breath.
Oh, great. Kuko's got Jyushi riled up on some sort of bullshit, too. From the accusing glare on his left and the sulking pout on the right, Hitoya reaches the end of his rope pretty quickly. "Okay, listen here you two. There's two things I can't stand. First, people who are obviously mad at me but won't tell me why, and second--"
*sniff*
Oh, God. There it is.
"HITOYAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Jyushi bursts into tears at that point, one hand covering his eyes while the other clutches Amanda to his chest. Oh, great. Just what Hitoya needs. Well, at least Jyushi crying means he's going to spill why he's upset once he gets it all out… With a deep sigh, Hitoya opens his bottom desk drawer and puts the little box of tissues out for the musician to use if needed.
"The Hell has gotten into the two of you? You've never had a problem telling me smoking's bad before. Now all of a sudden it's an issue?" If he'd known sucking on a goddamn butterscotch was going to cause this much of a problem…
"Are you fucking stupid?!" Kuko snaps now, Jyushi too busy hiccuping and sobbing to say more on the matter. "That's the entire fucking problem! Your own division members, who you swore on day one was your family that you'd never abandon, isn't what got you to cut back on the cigarettes! But let me ask you, dipshit: who did? Huh? Who batted his prettyboy eyelashes at you one time and got you crawling into his lap like a lovesick puppy?!"
"Are you out of your--" It takes Hitoya a moment before he realizes just what Kuko is getting at here. "...oh my God." The lawyer sits back in his chair, pinching the bridge of his nose as he waits for Jyushi to get to a point where he can listen. "I don't know what melodramatic soap operas you brats have been watching," he says. "But you're jumping to conclusions, which is the second thing I can't stand, by the way. Jakurai didn't ask me to cut back, alright?"
"Yeah, but he's the reason you did, isn't he?! Cuz he's got you wrapped around his finger, and he's gonna tear you away from us when we need you most!!"
"You were our family first, not his!" Jyushi says, now able to speak as he's calmed down enough. "Are you going to just toss us aside? Move away to Shinjuku and write us out of the will?!"
"What did I just say about jumping to conclusions?" Hitoya is doing everything in his power to keep from raising his voice and just making this trainwreck worse than it already is. "I haven't even written a will yet."
"But when you do write it!"
It's getting harder and harder to keep his cool. "Okay. Listen closely, both of you. First of all, I am not leaving Nagoya. Do you know how difficult it would be to transfer this law firm over to Shinjuku? Just thinking about the process is giving me a goddamn migraine." A bigger one than he already has, thanks to this conversation. "Second of all, you've both met Jakurai several times since the two of us have been seeing each other, right? Do you honestly think, even for a second, that a guy like that would ever try to break us up like that?"
Jyushi shifts uncomfortably in his seat, Amanda back in his lap. Kuko, on the other hand, seems unconvinced. "'A frog won't realize it's being boiled alive if you heat the water slowly.' You think just because he's all nice and sweet now that he can't fuck with our division? This isn't the first time he's messed with us!" He points an accusatory finger at the lawyer. "How about the time you blew off training to go out with him before the second Division Battle? Huh?"
"You mean when I was already in Shinjuku for work and challenged him to a battle within half an hour? Besides, didn't you brats crash the host club over there? Do you know how much I had to donate to that place to keep you two from being charged for disturbing the peace?"
Jyushi starts sniffling again. "S-Sorry...but I can pay you back! How much was it?"
"It doesn't matter. It's in the past." Hitoya gives Kuko a pointed look. "Let's keep it that way."
"Okay, fine. But it's not the last time you blew off training for plans with him, and you know it."
"Okay, yes. Fine. I've gone out with Jakurai. So what? I still make sure I get training in, don't I? I know damn well you two have blown it off in the past, too. In fact…" A cocky smirk forms on the lawyer's face, the same he gets in court when he has something cooked up to devastate a witness. "Should we talk about all those trips to Ikebukuro the two of you have been making?"
He has to bite his inner cheeks to keep from grinning wider as the kids give him the best payoff of all time. The color immediately drains from Jyushi's face as his stuffed toy falls from his lap, and Kuko makes a minimum of four different facial expressions in the span of twenty seconds. The two of them sputter as they try and figure out just what to say to counter, but it's no good. Hitoya rests his chin in his hand, finding a bit of catharsis in just watching his teammates short-circuit.
"That's totally different!" As always, Kuko is the first one to speak. "Ichiro and I aren't even dating, dumbass! We're just…"
"You're just…?"
"Just...y'know...reconnecting! That's all! It ain't dating! We just go get lunch sometimes to like...deal with shit. It's not a date."
"Uh-huh." Hitoya looks over to Jyushi, who's dusting Amanda off and trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. "And you? Why do you need to go with him?"
"W-Well...Ichiro said his brother is a fan of my band, and, uh...they had a coupon for a pizza big enough for five people...and he wanted to show me a trick at the skatepark--"
"Wait, huh?" Kuko turns to Jyushi. "We didn't go to a skate park."
Jyushi pointedly looks away. "Um...Maybe you and Ichiro weren't with us that time…"
"What?!"
Okay, it's time to jump in before they start fighting with each other. Hitoya pipes in, voice loud enough to cut them both off and command attention. "The point I'm trying to make is this. We're all dating, seeing, reconnecting...whatever you call it, we're doing it with people in other divisions. And just because of that doesn't mean I think either of you will jump ship, and you shouldn't think that of me, either."
The teenagers exchange looks. "But then…" Jyushi asks. "Why did you only listen to Jakurai when he told you about smoking?"
Hitoya sighs. "...look. Jakurai didn't ask me to do anything, alright? I…" He rubs the back of his neck. Christ, he didn't want to get to this point, but… "...I chose to cut back." Neither of them say anything, so he continues. "Yeah, I've been getting closer to Jakurai, and that's part of it. But I've started to maybe...dislike you guys less than usual, and, well...maybe sticking around a while wouldn't be so bad."
There's another silence, and then…
"HITOYAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
"Guh--!!!" The lawyer chokes as Jyushi almost knocks the chair over in a tackle-hug. The musician sobs as his arms cling tightly to Hitoya's neck, but once Hitoya is able to breathe just fine he doesn't try to pull Jyushi off. Rather, he pats him on the back and lets him get it all out. It's when he feels a pat on his own shoulder that he realizes Kuko has come around his side of the desk, and quickly glances away after the two lock eyes. In spite of the mess of just a few moments ago, Hitoya is smiling, already planning on getting takeout for dinner tonight. A team bonding sort of thing, if you will.
The butterscotch finally comes out from the side of his mouth, and it tastes particularly sweet. Yeah. He's not going anywhere for a long time.