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Hinata is 18, shares a dorm with Kageyama, and is currently going through a crisis.
It's been going on for a while, he thinks, but he's not sure when exactly it starts. It's gradual, so gradual that it's something he's living with and thinking of as 'normal' until he realizes it isn't, ends up spending frantic nights googling things like “how to tell if I find guys attractive” and “why do I spend so much time looking at my friend's butt” and “please help me”.
And the thing is, he still likes girls. He really likes girls. Hinata thinks he'd probably die if a girl came up and asked him out, but ever since one day when he ends up sprawled on top of Kageyama on the court, chests pressed together and noses too close, Hinata keeps thinking about...other things. Things like how nice Kageyama looks with his long legs and sleek hair and the way his lashes are just a little long and—well, it's been hard.
“I don't like boys” is a mantra Hinata has repeated to himself over and over at night, in the morning when he woke up from a particularly embarrassing dream. He tells himself it's because he's closest to Kageyama that he's misunderstanding things. He hasn't been close to any girls, really, and this will pass as soon as girls start taking interest in him, which they totally will, he knows it. But then he gets close to Yachi, and it's still nothing like how he sees Kageyama, the serious expression he gets when he's focusing on something that sticks with Hinata for days (and nights) after he sees it up close.
It's hard, but he manages to curb it, finally, sometime in their second year when it stops being a big deal to touch Kageyama, to accidentally catch his eye. It's still weird sometimes, but Hinata starts to think it really was a phase. Besides, Kageyama's never shown interest in guys, or girls actually, so it's really a lost cause. Hinata falls back into a comfortable pace, practicing hard and sleeping soundly and mostly forgetting the way his heart sped up when Kageyama got too serious and too gentle.
And then they move in together.
Living with Kageyama is absolutely torture, Hinata finds out after the first week. It's not that they don't live well together; it's that they do. It's easy to live with Kageyama, despite how cranky and grouchy he is almost every hour of the day. It's weird to see him doing mundane things, like waking up with bedhead every morning, brushing his teeth with sleep in his eyes, fumbling to tie his shoes because they're both running late for class. It's like seeing him all over again for the first time, and this time, Hinata realizes that he's not going to get over it by ignoring it. Kageyama is just too...Kageyama. He's stupid and infuriating and sometimes weirdly nice, though he scowls and denies it. He curls up in blankets when he's sick, lets Hinata dote on him (oh god, oh god) without even really complaining.
It's when Kageyama falls asleep in his bed, cheek right next to Hinata's chest, that Hinata realizes he can't get over this. He texts Suga in a panic, after snapping a picture of Kageyama for possible blackmail purposes.
Suga texts back almost immediately, probably because Hinata's only word had been “HELP” and Hinata has to reassure him that he's not dying, he's not in jail, and he's not killed Kageyama by accident finally. Hinata has kept in touch with all his former teammates, but Suga is the one he always finds himself going to when he needs advice. The rest of them suck at it, to be honest.
“I've been thinking these weird things for a while lately,” he says later, on the phone in hushed voices. Kageyama's snoring away next to him. “And it's starting to really drive me nuts, really really, and I don't know what to do about it but I feel like I'm going to explode-”
“Hinata, calm down.” Suga's voice sounds amused, and Hinata can vaguely hear the noise of what seems to be a karaoke session in the background. “Maybe you should just try something new, that always helps me when I feel like I'm stuck.”
Then the phone is being yanked away, there's a hollered “hey, Hinata!” that sounds suspiciously like Nishinoya, and the call ends. Suga texts back later, “sorry, I hope my advice helps!” and Hinata spends the rest of the night mulling over it, wondering what in the world he should actually do. Something new? He could cut his hair, but he likes it (Kageyama likes it), he could pierce his nose (probably not a great idea), he could get a tattoo (just the thought of needles sends shivers down his spine). Somehow, he ends up on the internet, searching things like “trying something new in college” and “please I'm going through a crisis” at 3 in the morning.
He doesn't know how, he'sgroggy and tired and warm and Kageyama's breathing quietly next to him, but Hinata somehow ends up on a dating website.
“Meet cute guys in your area!” it advertises, and Hinata's skin prickles with embarrassment. He shouldn't be here, this is ridiculous, he's never even joined a straight dating site. Although it's true, it would be sort of nice to date someone, get out of the dorm and away from Kageyama taking up all his space and existing all over his things. He bites his lip, and then Suga's words float through his head and he does it. Hinata Shouyou signs up for a gay dating site.
He cannot believe it.
Xxx
Hinata nearly forgets about putting in his info, telling a little about himself (I love volleyball and eating!) in his late-night escapade until a week later, when he's checking his email. He doesn't realize what it is at first, thinking he's accidentally signed up for another weird newsletter, when it clicks and he starts to panic. He hadn't really been planning on actually doing anything with this. Really, Hinata tells himself he should delete it, go to that site and delete his account, delete his existence because this is the most embarrassing thing.
Instead, he opens it.
It's a message from someone, the first one he's ever gotten, and it's kind of exciting. There's a picture attached and he's good-looking, Hinata will admit, even if he's still on the fence over actually liking guys or not. He seems like he would be fun to hang out with, at least; he says he plays tennis, but would love to try volleyball, and Hinata's heart jumps. Anything involving volleyball is worth trying at least once.
So he sends a picture in return, covering half his face with his hand because taking photos is so weird. He's not really expecting another response, but somehow they end up scheduling a meeting for three days later, after Hinata's afternoon practice. Kageyama's watching him with a weird expression, because Hinata hardly emails anyone, ever, aside from Kageyama himself, but doesn't ask. Instead, he sprawls himself out on Hinata's bed (why) and flips through a sports magazine, being magnificent and beautiful and really, really irritating when he refuses to move off of Hinata's homework pages.
Who needs him, Hinata tells himself as they wrestle on the floor somehow after he manages to roll Kageyama off. Really, who needs this stupid asshole. He has a...a date later, a real date, his first date ever, and it's with a guy. At least, maybe it's a date; Hinata's not sure, it might just be hanging out, but that's basically what a date is, right? He spends the next three days thinking about this, wondering what he should do, how he should act, what he should wear, and ends up half an hour early to their designated meeting space, fidgeting nervously with his fingers.
The guy is on-time, nice, and as good-looking as he was in his photo. Hinata warms up to him immediately, because he does to everyone, really, and they spend the afternoon with Hinata showing him the ins and outs of volleyball, going out for ice cream after, and then the guy is following him home (“oh, you live there? I'm right by it”) and suddenly Hinata doesn't know what to do. He's never been on a date, let alone one where he's taking someone home right after. This guy couldn't be after sex, right? Hinata might be opening up to the idea of going on dates with other boys, but sex is an entirely different can of worms, one he isn't really prepared to open.
He doesn't need to worry. When he cracks open the door, there's Kageyama, sitting cross-legged on Hinata's bed (again?) and thumbing through a textbook. He glances up and opens his mouth, presumably to ask Hinata why he's so late, and then spots his guest.
“A friend of yours?” he asks, looking the guy up and down. Hinata wills himself to please stop blushing, Kageyama will get the wrong idea.
And then suddenly it's like the atmosphere in the room spikes to a whole new level of tense, worse even than when he and Kageyama fight over something stupid and Hinata balks. He feels like he's just brought this poor guy into the jaws of the beast, led a lamb to the slaughter, and silently begs forgiveness. He watches, nervous, as they size each other up, Kageyama unfolding his legs and rising to his full impressive height. This guy is taller than Hinata, but not nearly as tall as Kageyama.
“Uh...well, I should probably get going,” says his date, finally, shooting Hinata a smile. And then suddenly he's leaning forward and pecking Hinata on the cheek, thanking Hinata for a good time and promising to email him later. Hinata is still standing there, jaw dropped and cheeks red, when he leaves, closing the door behind him.
There's no way Kageyama is going to let that slide. Hinata had just let another man kiss him on the cheek (he had been taken by surprise, admittedly). This is weird, this is so weird, what if Kageyama hates him-
But Kageyama just looks at the door, frowning like he's smelled something rotten, before flopping back down on Hinata's bed.
“What the hell was that?” he says, and Hinata flinches because here it comes. “You could at least warn me if you're planning on bringing someone home to sleep with.”
Hinata sputters. “That's not—I wasn't! We just played volleyball! I didn't even want him to kiss me!”
Kageyama is looking at him searchingly, like he's trying to decide something, and then he nods, goes back to his homework, and the room falls awkwardly silent. It doesn't stay that way for long when a petulant Hinata tries to kick Kageyama off his bed and ends up claiming Kageyama's as his own in retaliation when the taller boy refuses to be moved.
Kageyama doesn't mention the guy again, and neither does Hinata.
Xxx
Hinata keeps in contact with that boy, gets a few messages from some others. He's starting to relax, to realize it doesn't have to be a big deal, and it's fun to go hang out with guys his own age, or just have some pals to email. He makes friends easily, as he always has. There are a few he keeps in frequent contact with, three of whom have sent pictures, two of whom have not.
Of those five, there's one he really enjoys talking to.
Two of them are interested in volleyball, but the one he talks to the most often seems pretty good at it, detailing how he's played in high school (“me too!”) and that he likes cats, snow, and eating is pretty okay, he guesses. Hinata finds himself looking forward to his emails a little more than the others, who mostly seem to ask about his personal life a little too much. Hinata thinks they could maybe become pretty good friends, but he's never been the one to ask to meet first, and he's nervous to do so. And he's still never seen his picture, so he could possibly be some weirdo in his 40s looking for a poor young boy to corrupt. Hinata shudders. He's not ready for that yet.
Hinata goes on a few more “dates”, and they're pretty fun. Basically, they're like spending time with friends, except a little more handsy on the part of the guys he is hanging out with. Hinata doesn't really like being touched yet, still isn't sure where he stands on the whole gay sex thing. There are some he likes going out with more than others, some he doesn't like at all, and some who just want to be friends, are lonely and looking for people with similar interests, which he is more than okay with.
It goes on like this for a while, and Hinata doesn't bring anyone home after the third try, because Kageyama always scares them off with his face and his height and his attitude and his everything. “I don't know how you can stand living with that guy,” one of them says, “He seems like a total asshole,” and Hinata does not keep in touch. Kageyama is part of him, they are a package deal, and he can't even think about maybe dating someone who hates Kageyama.
And then, one night, there's the fourth time he brings someone home.
To be precise, he is brought home, a little tipsy from a college party they had gone to. It was loud and distressing and boring and Hinata asks to go home when he gets a little dizzy from alcohol he is not used to drinking. The guy he's with kindly offers to escort him, and he accepts, grinning and punching him in the shoulder in friendly thanks.
This is the first time this guy has been to his place, doesn't yet know about Kageyama, and it honestly slips Hinata's mind when they climb the stairs to his room. He's going to unlock the door, fumbling with the key, when a hand presses over the top of his, closing around it and helping him turn it. Hinata turns to thank the person he's with when he's suddenly being pressed up against the door, chest on the cold hard surface and someone nuzzling the back of his neck.
He freezes up completely. Hinata doesn't know what's going on other than the fact that he doesn't like it, barely knows this person and all the other boys he's been with have been kind enough to ask before even grabbing his hand, and this is so much more than grabbing hands. In fact, there seems to be some butt grabbing here, a hand on his ass and Hinata yelps and twists the doorknob and they both go tumbling into the room.
Hinata ends up on his back, some strange guy on top of him, and Kageyama staring down at them both.
“Excuse me?” he says, voice rough and annoyed, and Hinata looks up at him and feels tears pricking in the corners of his eyes because he doesn't want Kageyama to be mad at him, not now, not when he hadn't been involved in any of this. He opens his mouth but all that comes out is a dry sobbing noise, and suddenly the weight on top of him is gone.
“Did you seriously let him get drunk?” Kageyama's voice is too loud in the small room and there's another voice denying it, telling Kageyama to chill, that Hinata's an adult and can handle himself and doesn't need some weird asshole mothering him. That's all Hinata gets before the guy is being roughly shoved out of the room and the door is slammed in his face, Kageyama yelling a “fuck right off” behind him before turning the lock.
Hinata struggles to sit up, breathing too fast on the floor, and suddenly there's Kageyama in front of him helping him up.
“You absolute fucking dumbass,” he says, but his words are only a tiny bit irritated. “You know you suck at holding alcohol.” It's true, the one time they'd tried it, in their third year in Kageyama's room by themselves, Hinata had ended up puking all over the floor.
“Sorry,” he says, sheepish and miserable. He's starting to feel sick, and he keeps feeling someone breathing against his neck and he hates it.
“I'm going to make you pay me back later.” Kageyama's pulling him up, guiding him over to his bed and pushing him down on it. Hinata looks up and watches as his shoes are untied, slipped off and tossed to the floor. “Get in bed and sleep.”
Hinata crawls under the covers, watches Kageyama watch him.
“Don't see that guy again. He's a piece of shit. If you do I'll probably kill him.” Kageyama sounds mad again, but it's not his 'I'm angry at Hinata' voice. Hinata nods, cheeks flushing when Kageyama smacks him on the head, softly, and turns away.
“Thanks,” he says, quiet, feeling sober. He watches Kageyama stiffen, watches his shoulders rise a little before he says a gruff “yeah” in reply, and then the room is silent.
Hinata does not see that guy again.
Xxx
Throughout all this, Kageyama hasn't gotten a girlfriend, hasn't gotten any outside friends, spends his time in their dorm or out with Hinata. He's always there when Hinata leaves on his dates, always there when he gets back. It fills Hinata's chest with tight warmth when he sees Kageyama at home, watching a game on their tiny TV or struggling through homework. Still, Hinata feels kind of bad that Kageyama's not getting out and finding someone for himself, too.
Not that Hinata has really found anyone. There are only three he really keeps in touch with now, the first guy he'd met, one who has become a pretty good friend, and then the one person he hasn't met up with.
Even though they haven't met, Hinata really, really likes talking to him. He's blunt and funny, even if he's not trying to be, and he listens to Hinata when he's feeling down about something. He really, really sort of wants to meet him. They probably won't hit it off, he tells himself, he might be a weirdo, he might try to kidnap me, but then he remembers Kageyama's there and will chase him off if he tries anything funny.
He sits on it for a week, trying to decide whether or not he should ask. “Hey, could we meet up?” Would that sound too weird? Would it sound like he's trying to get laid? He's really not, Hinata doesn't feel close enough to any of these people to even consider what it would be like. He thinks he'd only felt those things about Kageyama because of how close they were, and now that he's spending time with other people, it's not as bad. He still has the occasional dream, still gets flustered when Kageyama decides to change right in front of him, but he's sufficiently distracted most of the time.
The thing that finally pushes Hinata to ask is on a Friday, when he's emailing his new friend. He asks what he's doing on Saturday, expecting him to say something like he's going to a party or out with friends or something other people seem to do a lot of (Hinata stays home and gets takeout with Kageyama). He's met with a sullen “nothing”, and suddenly there's a pang in his chest. This guy never really does anything, always replies with “nothing” when Hinata asks about his plans. This is his chance, he could ask him to hang out. They've been emailing each other for a good month now.
It takes Hinata another two hours to send the email, fidgeting and pacing until Kageyama snaps at him to sit the fuck down already. He's so startled by the sudden outburst that he presses send, and it's done, he can't take it back. He waits nervously for another hour before he gets a notification.
“Yeah, okay,” is the reply, and Hinata feels like he could explode he's so excited. He's finally going to meet this guy, and maybe he'll be amazing, maybe he will be super hot and handsome and cool and fun to be around and just perfect, maybe Hinata will find someone he really likes and it won't be Kageyama.
He can barely sit still through the rest of the night, the rest of his classes the next day. He goes home with Kageyama after practice, glances at his watch to see he still has three more hours until they meet up.
“Do you want to play a game?” he asks Kageyama finally, when he's out of the shower and Hinata can't stand waiting anymore. He pointedly looks away as Kageyama gets dressed, pretending to be very interested in his nails.
Hinata fully expects Kageyama to answer sure, or tell him games are for stupid assholes since Hinata had won last time, so he's surprised when Kageyama replies. “No,” he says, slipping his shirt over his head. “I have stuff to do today.”
For a brief moment Hinata can only blink, because Kageyama never has “stuff to do”.
“How long will you be out?” he asks, uncertain. As long as Kageyama's there when he gets home...
But Kageyama shrugs. “I don't know. I'll be back tonight, probably.”
The “probably” hangs in the air, makes Hinata's stomach clench with anxiety. Maybe Kageyama won't come home tonight. Maybe he's finally found a girlfriend, maybe he's going to slip his shirt off at her place, the one he's putting on right now, and—Hinata shakes his head. It's none of his business. He's fine without Kageyama.
He waves as Kageyama heads out the door and then he's left by himself for two more hours to wallow in misery and self-doubt. He ends up playing cards by himself, although it's hard when you're both the players. He misses Kageyama, then feels stupid for missing Kageyama since he's only been gone for a little bit and he's always there, anyway.
It seems like it takes forever, but Hinata's finally out the door, butterflies taking over the anxiety in his stomach. He wonders what this person will be like as he walks, wonders what his hair will look like, if he'll be nice, what his voice will sound like, how tall he is. They've agreed to meet up at a cafe close to Hinata's dorm, and as it gets closer, he finds his fingers fidgeting with the hems of his sleeves. Maybe this was a terrible idea. Maybe he should turn around and go home (to an empty room), but he can't back out now, he's within sight.
Hinata looks around, trying to spot someone his age (hopefully) who looks like the person he talks to in his emails, or how he imagines him to look. There are a few girls, and then over there in the corner-
“Kageyama?”
Kageyama looks up from his phone, blinks, and then scowls.
“Did you follow me?” he huffs, eyes narrowed, and Hinata bristles.
“Like I would!” he yells, then lowers his voice when the girls look over at him. The person he's meeting doesn't seem to be there yet, so he stalks over and sits down across from Kageyama.
“You were sulking when I left, so I wouldn't really put it past you. You looked like a dog who's been left alone.” Kageyama snorts and rests his cheek on his hand. “Anyway, I'm waiting for someone, so get out when he gets here.”
“I'M waiting for someone.” Hinata slams his palms on the table. “Don't steal my idea!”
“Who the fuck are you waiting for? I didn't steal your idea, dumbass, I got here first.” And yeah, he has a point, but Hinata's feeling silly because the person he's supposed to meet still isn't here and what if he's been stood up? He feels totally stupid. Maybe he's running late. Hinata checks his phone, but there's nothing. He sighs.
Kageyama's still looking at him, frowning, then goes back to scowling at his phone. He taps something out.
Hinata's phone buzzes and he perks up, relieved.
“Where the hell are you? I've been waiting for an hour.” The messages has Hinata looking around again, trying to see if he's missed someone, but there's no one else. Is it one of those girls? He supposes that wouldn't be too bad.
“I'm here! Where are you?” and he hits send.
Kageyama's phone buzzes.
Their eyes are suddenly locked onto each other, and Hinata has a sinking feeling he knows exactly what is going on here. He prays to whatever god is out there that he's wrong, that Kageyama's not opening his mouth to say-
“You?” Kageyama's voice sounds tight and incredulous, like he can't believe what's going on. Hinata feels the same, feels his heart thump too hard in his chest because no, no, no, this isn't happening, this isn't supposed to be how it goes, fuck Kageyama for doing this to him.
Hinata jumps up so fast that the chair falls backwards and he doesn't care if those girls are looking at him because he has to get out of here before Kageyama opens his mouth again. He runs, runs, runs, his feet pounding on the pavement, until he's breathing heavily right outside his dorm room door. He lets himself in, stumbles and flops onto his bed, face down.
He hates himself, this is so stupid, he'd been trying to forget about Kageyama and here he is on a gay dating website and meeting Hinata at a cafe and Hinata hates him he hates him so much-
The door opens.
There's heavy breathing, breathing Hinata knows all too well from all the times they'd raced, played volleyball and pushed themselves a little too hard. He wants to disappear. Kageyama is probably here to kill him.
“Hinata.” Kageyama's still panting, and Hinata refuses to look up to see his expression. He buries his face further into his blankets.
“Go away,” he mumbles, voice soft through the fabric.
“I live here, stupid.” Suddenly the mattress dips as Kageyama collapses next to him.
They're silent. Kageyama is catching his breath and Hinata is trying to evaporate.
Finally, after ten minutes too long, Hinata turns his head to peer up at Kageyama. “You're making fun of me, aren't you. You set this whole thing up, you purposely tried to get me to meet you so you could make me feel dumb.”
Kageyama's mouth drops open and he gapes. “What? How stupid are you?”
“Why else would you be on a site like that!” Hinata pushes himself up, voice rising. “You probably got annoyed with all those people I kept seeing, you probably think it's gross and you wanted to tease me about it-”
“Do you really think I'd talk to you for like a month just to tease you? I do that all the time, every day, you dumbass.” Kageyama's glaring down at him, cheeks stained pink. “You're the one making fun of me here. You go out with all these guys, and I never even knew you were into that. If I had known I would have...I left three hours early to meet you, I can't believe I did that, I'm so fucking stupid.” He raises a hand to his face, presses it against his eyes like he has a headache. “You just bring them home and rub it in my face.”
“Rub what in your face?” Hinata's voice is quieter now, he's trying to process through this in his head, why Kageyama sounds so frustrated and why he's raking his hand through his hair like he does when he's upset about something.
“Nothing,” snaps Kageyama. “Forget it. Just forget this happened.”
When he says that, Hinata's stomach clenches. He suddenly feels bad, like maybe Kageyama wasn't making fun of him and just...genuinely wanted to meet someone, like Hinata had been wanting. He sits up on his knees on the mattress, watching Kageyama glare down at his legs.
“Kageyama...” Hinata chews at his lip, wonders if he should ask. “Do you...like guys?”
“No, I'm on a gay dating website because I hate them.” Kageyama's voice is still hard, he's still mad.
“Well I don't know! You never said anything about it!”
“You never asked, and it's not like I'm going to all of the suddenly come up to you and just be like, Hey Hinata, guess what? Sometimes I want to suck a dick,” snaps Kageyama, and then his mouth clicks shut as he realizes what he's said. Hinata watches his cheeks turn from pink to scarlet, watches him clench his hands into fists on his knees.
He thinks about the way Kageyama looks when he's gulping back water from his water bottle and his brain tries to supply other images, so he diverts it. “Did you meet up with anyone else?”
Slowly, Kageyama shakes his head, and Hinata feels another pang in his chest. He's the only one who has asked to meet with Kageyama, and when they got together, it had been him, and he'd run away. Kageyama probably feels like shit right now, he reasons, finding out the person you'd been interested in is just your best friend/roommate.
“I guess it's pretty disappointing that it's me,” he says, chewing at the inside of his cheek. “I liked talking to you, though.”
“It's not disappointing, stupid.” Kageyama's mumbling down at his hands. “I'd be lucky to meet up with you.”
The pang in Hinata's chest is turning into a full-blown ache now, and suddenly he wonders why he's been refusing to look at Kageyama.
“Kageyama,” he says, slowly, watching Kageyama closely. “If we didn't know each other, would you want to go on a date?”
Kageyama is quiet. Everything is quiet. Hinata wonders if he's not going to get an answer, if he's said the wrong thing. And then Kageyama glances up at him, back down at his hands, and opens his mouth.
“Yeah,” he says, and Hinata feels like he's being overwhelmed.
“If we did know each other, would you want to go on a date?”
It's quiet again, and then Kageyama repeats, “Yeah.”
“Do you want to go on a date now?”
Kageyama's head has lifted, enough for him to peer out from under his bangs at Hinata. “No,” he says, and Hinata feels his heart stopping, his stomach dropping through the floor.
Hinata curls his fingers in his pants, glances down at them. “So what do you want?”
Suddenly, there are warm hands on his cheeks, tipping his head up and the bed is moving and there are lips against his. This is the first time anyone on his dates has kissed him on the lips, the first time he's let anyone (even though this is unexpected, though not wholly unwanted). Kageyama is crushing their mouths together and it's hard and messy and awkward, but Hinata finds himself gripping onto Kageyama's wrists, urging him to press closer, trying to do the same.
When they part, they're both panting, cheeks flushed, lips red. They stare at each other.
“I wanted that,” says Kageyama, and then drops his hands.
There's heat welling up in Hinata's chest and pricking at the corners of his eyes and it feels like a dam has broken. “You look so nice,” he says in a rush, words jumbling together, “All the time, you look nice, when you play and when you change your stupid shirt and when you get out of the shower and I tried really, really hard not to think about you like that and I'm sorry, I'm really sorry,” and he has to pause to catch his breath while Kageyama stares at him. “Suga told me to try something new to get my mind off of it, so I-”
Kageyama's lips are on his again before he can finish, and he's crashing back against soft sheets and a too-hard mattress with Kageyama on top of him, pressing him down. Their lips move together better this time, warm and a little wet and they pull back barely to breath and then keep going. Hinata feels like he's in an over, he feels hot and all he wants right now is for Kageyama to get closer, to let himself thing about the curve of Kageyama's wrists and his neck and his shoulders. Kageyama's hips fit against his, snug and warm, and Hinata tries not to think about what's under that fabric, what is right up against him right now.
It's hard. Not thinking about it, that is, as well as the thing he's trying not to think about it. He can feel Kageyama getting excited, and it makes the heat pool in his stomach and he wants to get closer, closer-he pulls Kageyama down, their hips rub together and he pulls back with a wet smacking noise.
“Shit,” Kageyama's breathing out, “Sorry, I-”
Hinata grabs Kageyama's cheeks and pulls him back down against his mouth, rocks his hips up as he starts to feel warm and tingly.
Kageyama makes a noise against him, something that slips out from deep in his throat. Hinata thinks about Kageyama wanting to suck someone's dick and suddenly he wonders why he's been so uncertain for this for so long. If it's Kageyama, he doesn't care what they do. He feels so relieved he could laugh, so he does, against Kageyama's mouth, their foreheads pressing together. And then their hips press together again and the laugh dissolves into a groan.
“I like you,” Hinata breathes against his cheek, and Kageyama rocks his hips down again. He repeats himself, “I like you, I like you.”
Kageyama kisses his cheek, the corner of his mouth and then their lips press together again, but it's hard when he just wants to keep saying the thing he's been avoiding this whole time. It feels like he can never say it enough now that he's started, until Kageyama grunts at him to shut up and shifts their hips together again.
“I like you too, dumbass,” he says, and then Hinata's hips stutter upwards and Kageyama's press down, rub again and again and Hinata's back arches up off the hard bed.
They curl up in the same bed, later, something Hinata has loved doing for as long as he can remember and now, he loves it even more, loves that he can press up against Kageyama without feeling guilty, touch the warm skin of his leg like he's wanted to for longer than he cares to admit.
“Go to sleep,” Kageyama says when Hinata's fingers start prodding at his stomach, but he has so many places he wants to touch that he hasn't even let himself think about until now.
Xxx
Hinata doesn't bring anyone home anymore except Kageyama, because of course they always go home together. They carry on like usual, except it's so much better now that Hinata can let himself watch the way Kageyama's spine curves when he stretches and think yeah, I like that. He can crawl into Kageyama's bed at night whenever he wants to, can kiss his cheeks or his nose or blow raspberries onto his stomach while he's asleep (if he wants a knee in the crotch).
It's the same, and Hinata wonders what he'd been so worried about before. Kageyama has always been there for him, has always been close and warm and whatever Hinata needed, and it's not different at all now. It feels like there was a wall between them, and now they're really, really in sync, even more than they'd been before, to the point where even their teammates comment on it and Hinata's cheeks flush while Kageyama looks smug.
Even better is when they come home and unwind under the sheets, Hinata exploring with his hands all the things he'd been trying not to think about, all the things he thinks about now, and Kageyama does the same to him and it's amazing, he likes Kageyama and he doesn't know why he'd even tried to convince himself otherwise.
A month after, he remembers to text Suga thanks, attaches a photo of Kageyama's cheek pressed against Hinata's stomach while he sleeps, and gets a wink emoji in return. Sometimes he wonders if Suga knew, but then he couldn't have, right?
Nah, of course not. Hinata traces the line of Kageyama's cheeks, his nose, brushes his fingers against his eyelashes and freezes when Kageyama starts to mumble and swat at his hand. He's still not immune from being kicked out into the cold in the middle of the night (three times before, to be exact), but he'll count his blessings, and instead Hinata squirms under the blankets, scoots closer and ruffles his fingers through Kageyama's hair.
“Go to sleep, dumbass,” he mumbles, grabbing Hinata's wrist with too-tight fingers. “Or I'll break your arm.”
Yeah, he doesn't know why he'd denied himself this super great jackass for so long.