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Neil really was getting old.
It had started when he'd found a little boy on his doorstep and had led him to this point, turning thirty four with a husband of over a decade and a teenage son in the midst of a sexuality crisis. One thing he'd learned since becoming a father, though, was that crises made teenagers get overdramatic.
"... and what if I'm into guys? Would you both still love me then?" Harry Minyard-Josten had been pacing the length of the living room for about twenty minutes now, King draped over his shoulder and mewing lazily with the movements. "What if I wanted to date a guy? Aren't you gonna tell me I can't do that?"
"Um, Harry," said Neil, watching Harry closely to see if this was a regular crisis or if there was something more to it. "I really don't think we're the people to go to if you wanna be told you can't date a guy."
Harry threw his hands up in the air in frustration. "Well I can't ask Dad, he's dating a guy!"
"So am I!"
Harry send him a sideways look as he sat down next to him, and Neil felt thoroughly degraded. He supposed that Harry had spent the past ten years learning how to pull an effective bitch face from Andrew.
"So what you're saying is that you're not homophobic?"
Neil frowned. He'd read somewhere that teenagers were supposed to be confusing, but this seemed to be way more than that. "Do you... want me to be homophobic?"
"I just want you to tell me that I can't date a guy," huffed Harry, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration. "Why is that so difficult to understand?"
"Do you want it in alphabetical order or chronological?"
Harry rolled his eyes, slumping down in his seat. Neil cleared his throat.
"Okay, Harry. You... can't date a guy?"
"Fuck you, I do what I want!"
Neil sighed. The look on Harry's face was a mixture of smugness and, to Neil's surprise, wonder. He shuffled in his seat for a moment, then leaned towards Neil slightly.
"I think I'm in love with my friend," he said after a moment.
"Okay."
"My male friend."
"Okay." Neil tilted his head slightly. "And you needed me to tell you that you couldn't date him because that would tell you if you really want to?"
"Yeah."
"Okay."
Silence fell over both of them.
"I really like him," said Harry after a moment. "I mean... I didn't think you'd be against it given that you and Dad are, you know... you and Dad. It's just scary."
Neil hummed softly. "What do you like about him?"
He watched as Harry lifted his hands to his shoulders, peeling King away gently and laying him in his lap, running his hands through fur that was beginning to thin with age. "He smells nice," he said after a moment. "And his hands are bigger than mine just a little bit, so it would be really nice to just... hold it. And he smiles like the world is made of sunshine even when we both know it's not."
"Oh. Oh wow." Neil wondered when he'd gotten so old, when Harry had gotten old enough to have a genuine crush on somebody, as opposed to when he was seven and came home saying that he was going to marry his teacher, Mr Cooper. "Oh, you really like him. And you didn't realise?"
"I thought maybe I just really wanted him to be my friend," shrugged Harry.
Neil laughed. "Have you told him?"
"Did you not hear the part when I said that I thought I really wanted him to be my friend?"
"Honestly, Harry, if you're looking for advice about asking somebody out, I really think you should've gone to your Dad." Neil held his hand out as the newest addition to the family, a rescue kitten fondly named Lord Mittens III, stalked in, followed moments after by his beautiful husband. "Ah, speak of the devil."
"I don't think I'm quite that bad," Andrew frowned. "Why are you hens gossiping about me? Got nothing better to do?"
"I could talk about you for hours," sighed Neil and Harry grimaced.
"Gross." He lifted King up and settled him back against his shoulder. "Dad, how do I ask out my friend that I'm super into?"
Andrew raised a singular eyebrow. Neil wondered if it was weird to be attracted to an eyebrow. In the hopes of avoiding that line of thinking, he reached down and gently scooped Lord up into his arms, stroking her softly as Andrew responded. "Is he into you?"
"I don't know."
"You should probably figure that out first." He tilted his head to one side. "Not fair to assume he's gay just because you are."
Harry spluttered. "I'm not gay."
"You once claimed you were going to marry your male teacher." Andrew settled a blank look in his direction. "And your first celebrity crush was Nick Parker from The Parent Trap. You spent the entire film ranting about Meredith because you thought he deserved better. You also didn't like Elizabeth James. I don't understand why you didn't catch on sooner."
Harry blushed. "I mean... I'm not not attracted to girls."
"Find out if he's gay, Harry," said Andrew, ruffling his hair as he passed by on his way to Neil's side. "Then have your gay panic about what to wear on your date."
Harry's face fell. "What do I wear on my date?"