Chapter Text
Amira unlocks her phone for the fifth time in the last minute. After what happened on Wednesday she’s not sure if she should text him or not. Maybe it’d be best if they break up already, since she knows this won’t work out. But, a part of her can’t help wanting to try, wanting to fight for their relationship. Finally she decides to open the chat with Dani and text him.
First, she thinks about being completely honest, telling him that she feels bad about what happened and that she wants to talk to him, but she decides it’s better to act like nothing happened, at least until they can meet and talk. Amira doesn’t want to admit it, because she’s afraid of Dani’s answer, but she knows that, once they meet, she’ll have to ask him the question, if he wants to keep the relationship, and this time, knowing what that truly means. Trying not to get ahead of the situation she sends the text.
‘Daniiii, do you want to meet this weekend?’
Dani’s answer doesn’t take long to arrive, though it’s not what Amira expected.
‘I don’t think I can, I have a lot of rugby practices. We’ll talk next week, alright?’
Amira’s first reaction is panicking, Dani is avoiding her, she’s sure of that. He’s tired of her and he doesn’t know how to tell her. Amira tries to calm down then, maybe he’s just busy, a rugby tournament is near, but it’s also true that Dani has always found time to see Amira no matter what.
Amira’s phone sounds, telling her she received another message from Dani.
‘I’m sorry ♥’
Amira smiles when she reads the second text, which gives her hope. Still, Dani and her have a pending conversation, but it looks like it’ll have to wait till next week.
“Your parents weren’t home the whole weekend and you didn’t invite us?” Viri asks Cris on Monday at school.
Amira is only half listening to the conversation, paying more attention to her phone. Dani and her haven’t talked at all since Friday. But it’s Monday already and they’re supposed to be meeting this week. Amira is trying not to text him, she thinks he’s the one that should start the conversation since she doesn’t want to overwhelm him.
“Let her be, Vir, I’m sure she’s been very busy with Joana, am I right?” Eva comments, elbowing Cris playfully.
“I mean, we had to catch up after all this time…we had to talk and all that…” Cris says putting on an innocent face.
“Yeah, sure, talk…” Nora teases her.
“Okay fine, we’ve done more than talking…” Cris says winking “but I gotta say, we couldn’t do much since Dani’s been at home the hole weekend.”
Cris’ brother’s name catches Amira’s attention instantly. She looks at her friend frowning, something about what she said doesn’t make sense.
“Dani’s been at home the whole weekend?” Amira asks
“Uhm…yes, he didn’t have practice and he’s spent the whole weekend in his bedroom. Well, except on Saturday afternoon that I guessed he was meeting you, right?” Cris doesn’t understand the purpose of Amira’s question and why it’s relevant that Dani’s been at home during the weekend but when she notices Amira’s face she knows something is up.
“I have to go to the bathroom” Amira mumbles. She needs to leave to try to process what she just heard.
Dani told her he’d be busy the whole weekend but according to Cris he’s been at home, except on Saturday when he met someone but who? And if he was free, why didn’t he call her? All those questions keep coming to Amira’s mind, all of them unanswered. She’s deep in her thoughts that she doesn’t realize Cris is following her until she stops her.
“Amira, what’s wrong? Why did you leave?” Cris asks worried.
Amira tries to avoid looking at her, holding back the tears that are threatening to come out. She doesn’t even know why she wants to cry, frustration maybe, confusion perhaps, or worse, because of what Cris’ words just confirmed.
“Amira, what’s wrong?” Cris insists.
“You were right, Cris. I ended up overwhelming your brother and we fucked up. Congratulations, you were right”
Without giving Cris a chance to answer, Amira turns around and enters the building, silently thanking the bell for ringing right then.
Amira hasn’t waited for her when school ended. It’s not like Cris can blame her, they haven’t walked home together since last week, but today Cris really wanted to talk to Amira, ask her about what happened in the morning. Still, she has another person she can ask what’s going on to.
The first thing she does when she arrives home is checking that her mom is not home. Then she enters her brother’s bedroom.
“Fuck, Cris, can you knock?” Dani says from the bed, with his laptop on his lap.
“What happened with Amira, Dani?” Cris asks directly.
His relationship with Amira has been a taboo topic since Cris found out they were together, that’s why Dani is surprised when he hears the question.
“What do you mean?” Dani asks leaving the laptop on the bed and sitting down. “What did Amira tell you?”
“Well, her exact words were ‘congratulations Cris, you were right, I’ve overwhelmed your brother and we fucked up’” Cris sees her brother closing his eyes and shaking his head, that gesture makes Cris get worried. She came ready to fight her brother but she’s only know realizing that he might be feeling as bad as Amira. “Look Dani, I know I didn’t react the way I should when I found out about you two and fuck, I didn’t want to say what I said. Yes, your relationship is complicated but so is mine and I’m still happy with Joana. And…I don’t know…I don’t know what happened between you two but you can’t give up like that. You…you’re destined to be together.”
“Was it that hard to say?” Dani asks. He’s happy to hear his sister saying that but he’s also still resented because the support is coming too late.
“I’m sorry, I was surprised by the news and worried about Joana and I took it all out on you. I’m really sorry but…What happened, Dani? Because everything seemed to be going just fine and suddenly I was telling the girls that you were at home during the weekend and Amira stood up and left. I don’t understand. And, who did you meet on Saturday if it wasn’t her?” Cris stops for a second to think about what she just asked and the answer that comes to her mind makes her mad again “Tell me you’re not cheating on my best friend Dani because I swear to God I’ll kill you”
“Cris…” Dani sighs, knowing that all he can do now is telling the truth “Sit down and I’ll tell you.”
“Dani…”
“Cris, sit down, please. It’s a long story”
She’s been trying to study the whole afternoon but she can’t stop thinking about Dani. He clearly hasn’t told her the whole truth and she doesn’t know what to do about it. Should she text him or should she give him time to see if he’ll talk to her. Amira picks up her phone to check the time and her heart stops when she realizes she has a new text from Dani.
‘I’m sorry about the weekend. I just need some time, but we’ll talk this week and I’ll tell you all about it, alrigh?’
The text calms her down a bit, but it also makes her have more doubts. He needs time…to think about their relationship? And he has to tell her something but…what?
Two days later she still hasn’t talked to Dani. A part of her wants to call him or even go to her house and demand an explanation. But the other part of her stops her, Dani said he needs time and Amira wants to respect that. That doesn’t mean she’s not going crazy overthinking everything. And the worst part is she doesn’t have anyone to talk to. She thinks about talking to the girls but her relationship with Cris isn’t at its best right now and the rest of the girls would only be able to listen, like Nora did, but they can’t give her advices since they’ve never been in Amira’s situation. Deep down, Amira knows who would understand her, but she’s not sure about how her relationship with them is right now either. The thing is that staying at home won’t solve anything.
“Amira?”
She had so many doubts about coming here and now that she’s entered she knows why. Noor and Elena’s surprised faces say it all and the thing is Amira can’t blame them because she feels as uncomfortable as they look.
“Hi, I’m sorry I came unannounced but I was at home and…well…”
“You don’t have to apologize, Amira, you’re always welcomed here.” Elena tells her with a smile that makes Amira feel better.
“I’ve miss you guys, I’ve missed all of this”
“We’ve missed you too, and the kids too” Noor admits.
“I wanted…well I wanted to talk to you about something and…” Looking around the room Amira realizes someone is missing. “Isn’t Dounia here?”
“Nah, Dounia is meeting Dani agai…” Elena can’t finish the sentence because Noor elbows her to shut her up, but it’s too late, Elena realizes her mistake and widens her eyes.
“With Dani? Dounia? Again? I don’t understand, do they meet a lot or…?” Amira’s mind is going too fast trying to understand what’s going on but Noor and Elena’s silence isn’t helping “Guys, can you tell me what’s going on? Why are they meeting? Is it something related to rugby practice?”
Noor and Elena look at each other, not knowing what to say, which only makes Amira more nervous.
“Guys, please, what’s going on?”
“Amira, we don’t want to lie to you…” Elena starts saying
“But we can’t tell you what’s going on either, we promised we wouldn’t tell. I’m sorry” Noor finishes.
“But tell us what you wanted to talk about, it seemed important” Elena says trying to change the subject.
“No, it’s alright, forget it. I should go.”
Amira turns around and leaves, with more doubts than she arrived with.
The next day at school Amira sits alone on a bench trying to avoid the girls, she just can’t pay attention to any conversation right now. She takes out her phone and opens her conversation with Dani, but she closes it again, like she’s been doing since yesterday. She wants to text Dani and ask him what’s going on with Dounia, why is he meeting her, what is he hiding. But she doesn’t know if she’s ready to hear the answers. Her rational part tells her that there’s no way there’s something between Dani and Dounia, especially while Dani is Amira’s boyfriend. But the thing is, is Dani still Amira’s boyfriend? They haven’t seen each other in a week and Amira doesn’t even know what to think anymore.
“Hey, why are you here alone?”
Amira looks up and sees Cris standing in front of her.
“Nothing…I wanted to…think”
“I see, and what do you have to think about that’s making you look all sad?” Cris’ smile fades when she sees Amira’s worried expression and she instantly understands what’s going on. “I see…it’s about my brother right?”
Amira nods, Cris is probably the last person she should be having this conversation with but she needs to talk to someone and Cris is here.
“Noor and Elena told me yesterday that he’s been meeting with Dounia.”
Amira notices that Cris is trying not to look at her while she bites her lip.
“And judging by your face I’m guessing you already knew that.” Amira waits for Cris to say something but when she doesn’t she keeps talking “Cris, what’s going on? Because I really don’t want to think the worst of the situation but…I don’t get it.”
“Ami…I just…”
“I know” Amira interrupts her. “You can’t tell me anything, he has to be the one that tells me. But he’s not speaking to me Cris, we haven’t seen each other in over a week.
Cris promised her brother that she wouldn’t say anything to Amira, that she’d let him be the one to tell her the truth but it just hurts her so much seeing Amira like this.
“You and I are going out today”
“Cris I have to study and I just don’t feel like…”
“You and I are going to day” Cris states again.
If Cris is good at something it is getting what she wants and that’s why even though Amira tried to resist, in the end she’s accepted going out with Cris in the afternoon. However, even though she’s been asking Cris where they’re going for the past 10 minutes, Cris is not saying anything, just that she’ll find out soon enough. Five minutes later she stops abruptly.
“We’re here” Cris says pointing at the building behind Amira.
Amira turns around and frowns when she realizes where they are.
“Cris, what are we doing her?” Amira tries to find a reason to why Cris would bring her to the Mosque’s door but all she manages to do is getting more confused.
“He should be about to come out…” Cris says in a low voice
“What? Who? What’s going…?” Amira stops mid sentence when she sees him appear.
Clearly he wasn’t expecting to see them here because the moment he sees Amira he freezes.
“Go talk to him” Amira hears Cris saying.
Still in shock she turns to look at her friend, not knowing what to do.
“Go talk to him” Cris insists. “And Ami, I wasn’t right, I wasn’t right about anything I said to you. Now go talk to my brother.”
Cris pushes her gently to make her walk towards Dani who’s still trying to process what he’s seeing. Cris can’t help but smiling when she sees them getting closer and knows that her work here is done. With the smile still on her lips she decides to leave so they can be alone.
“What are you doing here?” Dani asks Amira when she reaches him.
“I think I should ask you the same question”
“Ami I wanted to tell you but I was waiting to have all the info and be sure and I swear I had decided to talk to you today and…”
“Dani, I don’t understand anything, what did you want to tell me? What were you doing at the Mosque?”
“I just…I’ll start from the beginning alright?” Dani tries to put his thoughts in order, he thought he’d had more time to prepare his explanation “When you told me all the things that you wanted in our relationship I accepted them because it meant being with you and I only wanted that. But…I never stopped to think about why, why you needed that, why you chose that. And I think that was my main mistake. When you told me on Wednesday that what happened on Saturday was a mistake I…I got mad because I didn’t understand why. And I didn’t understand because I never stopped to try to understand. That’s why I needed time.”
“I don’t think I’m following…” Amira admits, he understand what Dani is saying but she still doesn’t know what that has to do with him being at the Mosque.
“I mean…I didn’t meet you on the weekend because I stayed home…doing research, learning…I don’t know just getting info”
“But doing research about what?” Amira asks confused.
“About Islam, about how things work and why things are that way. I wanted to understand you better, understand your reasons to know if I can share them. Because for this relationship to work, Ami, we both need to be at the same starting point and for that I had to understand. That’s why I stayed at home, and that’s why I didn’t want to talk to you, because it was something I had to do on my own and because I didn’t want to get your hopes up or promise you something I didn’t know if it’ll work”
“You’ve spent the whole weekend doing research about Islam to try to understand me better? That’s it?” Amira needs to ask it out loud to confirm she’s actually following him
“Yes.”
“And what about Dounia? Because I know you’ve met her, several times”
“I ran into Dounia at the Mosque on Saturday”
“You came here on Saturday? Why?”
“Because when I was doing the research I kept reading people that said that when you have doubts it’s good to go talk to your Imam so…I came on Saturday to talk to him and tell him about my doubts.” Dani makes a pause so Amira can process everything. When he sees that Amira is not saying anything he understands she wants him to tell her everything. “So yeah, I ran into Dounia and of course she was surprised to see me here. I told her why I was here and she said that I could ask her if I needed help, to give my her point of view. And that’s why we’ve been meeting to…well to talk about this. She’s helped me a lot, actually.”
“And I thought…I don’t know that you were changing me for her or something”
“What? Of course not” Dani says shocked.
“I don’t know Dani. You weren’t talking to me, you lied to me about where you were and suddenly everyone knows you’re meeting with Dounia, everyone except me.” Amira tries to explain.
“I know..I’m sorry, for real, Ami.”
“And why are you here today? You had more doubts?”
“No…” Dani says shaking his head. “I came here today because…well I don’t know exactly why, I just know that every time I come here I feel…peaceful, I don’t know how to explain it but it feels good, I like talking to the Imam, it makes me feel…well, good. It’s like I needed to come. I’ve been coming here every day this week, I guess that’s why Cris knew where to find me. I had to tell her everything on Monday after she confronted me about hurting you. I never meant to hurt you, Ami.”
“I know…” Amira says, and she really knows. “And why didn’t you ask me directly? I could’ve told you what you needed to know”
“I know, I’m sorry. I just…I wanted to do this for myself, you know? I didn’t want to depend on you, or doing it for you but for me. You said that in Islam things are done because we want to do them, because it comes natural to us, right? Well, I wanted to do this for me.”
“Then, what does this mean exactly?”
“It means that I still want to kiss you and I don’t think that’s going to change” Dani admits but when he sees Amira’s worried face he quickly explains. “But I understand now the reasons behind your decision Ami, and I respect them…I even share them. I’m not saying it’s not going to be hard, I still have a lot to learn but…if you want to, I want to fight for this relationship…with everything from your list.”
Amira can’t help but smile at Dani’s words, still, she needs to be sure.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. And Ami, I want to apologize about my shitty behavior on Wednesday, I was frustrated and I took it all out on you, I shouldn’t have done that. I promise you it won’t happen again. And of course we're a normal couple”
“It’s alright, I get it. And Dani…” slowly Amira takes Dani’s hand for a couple of seconds to get his attention, after a gentle touch she lets go, a smile on her face. “I wanted to kiss you on Saturday too, I don’t want you to think I didn’t. It’s just that…”
“I know, and I understand, Ami, I truly do, now I do.” Dani says smiling back at her. “Then, everything is good between us?”
“Yes, it is.”