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It sucks to spend your Christmas eve and day in the hospital, but Callie did volunteer to work on these days so she could have the New Year’s eve and New Year’s day off. Unfortunately, Arizona took the opposite schedule and opted to spend her Christmas and work on New Year rather than doing what Callie planned. Well, it was too late to actually blame miscommunication between the two of them. Everything will work out on the holidays, she thought.
While Callie knew that part of Seattle Grace-Mercy West were in Meredith Grey’s home, she still opted to fish out her Blackberry and type a message for Arizona, but just when she was about to send the message, an incoming SMS from an unknown number popped on her screen.
Merry Christmas Callie. I wish you well.
She didn’t know the number and the number certainly wasn’t from Seattle because of the different number code. If it were her parents or Aria, it would’ve registered in her phonebook. What was funny was the message was sent exactly at 12:00:00am in the morning of December 25. A few seconds more came Arizona’s greeting. Whoever sent the message knew how to swoop in her old Blackberry. While she pondered on the mystery number, she proceeded to the Attendings’ locker room and opened her locker to change in her scrubs. Yet when she opened her locker, a box was neatly sitting inside.
It was a bottle of wine, her favorite wine in fact. The one Arizona never knew that she loved to drink. No one knows her locker combination apart from Arizona and Mark. She dialed Sloan’s number and took the box of wine from her locker to inspect it as she plopped down on the couch. As she turned the box around, she saw a neon pink post it, her favorite among the post it colors, was sticking on the back side of the box. It was the same time that Mark picked up his phone.
Hey Callie, you’re missing all the fun here. Bailey’s dad is here for dinner too. I can’t believe you actually traded—“Callie cut off Sloan’s rambling,
“Mark?”
“Yeah? Sorry, oh by the way everyone greets you Merry Christmas. Did you call because you can’t reach Arizona’s—“
“Mark! Can you shut up for a moment? I know it’s Christmas but you don’t actually hoard on the eggnog okay? I just want to know if you placed the Pinot Noir in my locker? Because Arizona doesn’t know that and you’re the only one who does.” There wasn't any Sloan smarmy remark that can be heard from the other line, only the voices of the Chief and Arizona singing a tune she can’t recognize.
“Mark? Hey?”
“I didn’t place anything in your locker Cal. I swear. I don’t even know you’re into wines? I thought you were all tequila?” Mark snickered on the other line, Callie sighed audibly.
“Shut up Mark, you’re not helping. Greet me Merry Christmas to everyone there. I’ll see you soon.” Callie clicked the red button on her phone and stared at the pink post it.
Merry Christmas Callie. I wish you well.
It had the same message as the unknown number texted. And the flowy handwriting struck a familiar chord that hit Callie like a ton of bricks. She shut her eyes tightly and for a while she thought her heart might blow. She stood up, grabbed her purse from her locker, and plopped back down on the sofa. She pulled her wallet from her bag and carefully took out a tissue paper neatly tucked inside one of the secret pockets the wallet had. It had the same script handwriting she had always admired.
Loved Dinner, but loved seeing you tonight the most- Erica
It was a small note after their first date; she first thought it was just haphazardly written on a tissue paper. But the handwriting said otherwise. Erica wanted to remember that night that was why she took the tissue from their table, and wrote something on it. Callie could just shut her eyes and will the memories to stop flooding her. It wasn’t right.
The wine definitely came from Erica. And so did the message. She called her network provider to help her trace where the message came from, but the whole thing required legalities so she just dropped it. She then planned a get-back on Sloan. He must know something about this. She took the wine bottle and placed it in her night-bag, carefully wrapped it with her clothes so it would get broken even before it reaches home.
A day after Christmas, she asked for the Chief to give her the week off, as she would fly in to the East Coast to celebrate the remaining days of the year with her family, but she had other plans in mind.
Earlier that day
Callie hit Mark on his arm with a loud thwack.
“Ow! Well, someone had a Merry Christmas.” Mark rubbed his arm for a while before he settled on the cafeteria table Callie was occupying.
“Just spill it out Mark. I’m serious. How did that wine got in my locker? Who gave that to you?” Callie was close to pulling her hair off in frustration about the Christmas gift that appeared in her locker. With a reluctant sigh, Mark sat closer to Callie and said,
“Alright. A brunette gave it to me last 24th, together with a pad of pink post its. She told me to place the wine in your locker before I go away on Christmas eve. And put the 25th post it on the back label of the box.” Sloan pulled a pad of neon pink post its, the one he was talking about, and waved it on Callie’s face. He continued with a dry expression on his face,
“She told me that the person who gave that to you, will scoop my heart out with a spoon and feed it to the person’s dog if I don’t do it. I already knew who it was based on the threat alone.” Mark shrugged and sighed a little after telling his confession to Callie. Callie had this small smile in her lips before she whispered, more to herself than to anyone else in particular,
“I guess her favorite line- carving your heart out with the steak knife- got old.” But Callie was pulled from her thoughts when Sloan added,
“And the brunette told me that if anything goes wrong, I can contact her on a number she scribbled on the last page of the post it. You might want to look that up.” Callie pulled the last page from the post it pad and saw the number on it, she immediately dialed the number, hoping against hope that it would match the number of the mystery person who texted her last Christmas. It didn’t, and she found out that the number was from a landline telephone.
“It’s a home number Mark. I think I have to know who that girl is.”
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“You’re leaving?” Arizona had a perplexed look on her face, she knew not asking Callie on how she’s going to spend the holidays was a bad idea.
“Uhm, yeah, didn’t I tell you? I’m spending the last days of the holiday back in the East Coast. I thought you’re going to pull double shifts with me during Christmas but you didn’t.” Callie shrugged. She didn’t want an upset Arizona before she leaves.
“Look Callie, I’m sorry, we have this—“ Callie cut her off nicely with her megawatt- smile on her face.
“Hey, go save the little Jacobson. Mark said you were the ones funding the equipment for the boy. We’ll have more time when I get back. Okay? I want all the details.” Arizona nodded and Callie kissed her forehead before she headed for the door. She sighed loudly as she got into a cab and went to the airport. If there was one thing she hated, it was lying. Well, she was going to the East Coast, but not entirely for Miami alone.
When she arrived in the airport, she sat down on one of the chairs and waited for her flight to board. She picked her phone and dialed the number from the post it again. It rang and an operator asked her if she wanted to connect to a phone outside Washington. She said yes and the operator told her to wait for a few moments as she connects her call to New York. Her haunch was right. The woman who left the wine and the phone number was from New York. The number rang a few times before an answering machine was heard on the other line,
“Hello, you’ve reached the Hahn’s residence. No one’s home right now so you know what to do after the beep. Have a nice day!”
The voice was certainly not Erica’s. she clicked her phone shut as the plane started boarding. Callie thought this had to wait until she arrives in Miami.
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When she landed in Miami and hailed a cab to their house, her phone started ringing, she thought it was Arizona so when she picked up and heard an unfamiliar voice from the other line, she almost forgot to answer,
“Hello? You’re number registered on the answering machine. May I know who’s this? Do you have a consult with Dr. Hahn or with Atty. Hahn?”
“Oh! Uh—I ah…no, I don’t have any consults..with them. Uhm, this may sound weird but uh, I just want to know if you’re the one who went to Seattle to uhm, give Dr. Mark Sloan a box of red wine? I—I’m the one who got it, I’m Dr. Callie Torres.” These was a moment of silence on the other line but when Callie thought the woman had dropped the phone, she heard a sigh of relief,
“Well, I guess you got it! Yes, I’m the one who went to Seattle a few days before to give the wine to you. Did you like it? Eri said it’s the only wine she can drink with you.” Amusement laced the other woman’s voice as she told Callie what Erica said to her. Callie’s throat constricted, with an emotion she’s not familiar with but she did manage to croak out,
“Yeah, I got it. Uhm, can I have your name? I am kind of planning to drop by New York so uhm, I can..uhm…”
“Oh no. Crap. I’m dead. Christ I shouldn’t be talking to you.” The woman on the other line started to panic. Callie knew why, the woman wasn’t supposed to blow to her where her location was.
“Hey, hey, calm down. Calm down. It’s okay, I kinda’ knew where Erica lives, so uuh, no, you didn’t tell me her location if that’s what you’re dead for. I just want to see her.” Another sigh of relief rebounded on Callie’s ear,
“Okay. I’m Clarisse Hahn. Just, just call me or text me when you’re coming so I know if Eri will be here or not. Okay? I’ll text you my number. I have to go. bye.” Callie wasn’t able to say her goodbye to Clarisse when she cut the phone line, but her stomach was curling in itself from what she had heard.
Clarisse Hahn. The woman had Erica’s last name. that stung Callie in her chest, which was again, not right in her situation. Maybe she was just her…cousin?
She got back in their Miami mansion and her family was so delighted to see her. But during dinner, she already told everyone that she wouldn’t be spending New Year’s eve with them, she was going to New York on the 31st.
And boy did the 31st come by so quickly. She was now in New York, standing in front of a door situated on one of the lavish penthouses a condominium has in one of the busy streets of the Big Apple. Callie called Clarisse from the number she texted and told her that it was okay to come by during New Year’s eve, she even gave her the address of their condo unit. It was a surprise for Callie because she knows that Erica rarely skips work during the holidays, but here she was, standing in front of a door, pressing the doorbell slightly harder than intended, if it was because of the nervousness or the fact that she finally found Erica’s whereabouts after two years, she didn’t exactly know.
The door opened and if she wasn’t involved or wasn’t thinking about a certain blonde apart from Arizona, she would’ve swooned.
The woman was as tall as she was, had long, brown, shiny, silky, straight hair, had amazing green eyes and had a figure that would shame a coke bottle. She was wearing a tight- fitting long- sleeved dark blue blouse and black slacks with matching black pumps. Typical office girl you might say, but she had something that was a bit special than the other office girls.
“Hi! You must be Dr. Torres? Come in. I’m still not needed in the office for at least 30 more minutes so would you mind if you hang out with me for a while? Erica’s still asleep.” she recognized the perkiness in Clarisse’s voice, one that can rival Arizona’s if you’d compare it with her. Callie walked in and saw that the penthouse unit was certainly roomy. When her eyes fell on the maroon couch, she saw a head of blonde hair on one side. It was her. It was Erica. She was about to go to the couch when Clarisse called out to her,
“Yeah, she’s still snoozing. She just got out of the hospital a few hours ago. She said she wanted to read a book but then again, I saw her splayed on the couch, book and breakfast forgotten. She’s working double shifts, she works like she’s back to being a resident. It kinda’ sucks.” Clarisse came from the kitchen with a steaming mug of coffee. She handed it to Callie and sat down on the stools on their kitchen counter.
Callie checked the wall clock, it was barely 9am. Erica had always been an early riser, even after an all- nighter at the hospital. She sat down opposite Clarisse and looked into her eyes. She sighed, she wanted to get the hurt she was feeling out of her chest.
“How…how long have you been with…her?”
Silence. Clarisse scrunched her brows together and Callie straightened up, her defenses high on alert,
“I—I didn’t mean it…ah, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. Sorry…that’s embarrassing…” but her rambling was cut short with Clarisse laughing at her.
“She’s been living with us, Dr. Torres. I’m not her girlfriend, I think Dr. Sloan thought that I was too. But no, I’m a Hahn because I’m married to her older brother, Eric Hahn. She’s my sister-in-law and she’s been living with us for a year now.” It was Callie’s turn to get confused, why would Erica live with her brother if she can afford the same condominium unit, even an apartment, of her own?
“Oh. Oh! God, I’m sorry. I assumed…you know. Haha, two years has been…has been a long time. It was the last time we talked.” Clarisse gave her a small smile. She then glanced at her sister-in-law’s direction.
“She wanted to live nearer the hospital, that’s why she asked Eric if she can crash our unit since it’s just a block away from there. And…she never had a girlfriend for two years now. She said she left the only person she loved in Seattle.”
Callie’s heart skipped a beat. She turned to face Clarisse who’s gaze was transfixed on her sister-in-law. Clarisse continued what she was saying.
“She told me that the only woman she loved was afraid of her. Afraid of what was happening with them. She was too, but she thought she got strength from her. She got courage from her. The woman didn’t. Oh, she said these to me when she was in her drunken spells. She’d been battling alcohol for quite some time now. Eric even threw all her Scotch bottles outside on the patio, I had to clean the shards of glass because she kept walking on them. She had this nasty cut on her foot for days.”
While she tried digesting all Clarisse was rambling, two things entered her already confused mind. One, Clarisse can’t keep secrets, and two, she doesn’t realize that the woman she’s been talking about was right in front of her. But her thoughts were blocked out when Clarisse looked at her intently and whispered,
“She doesn’t make friends easily, she doesn’t tell anyone anything. I’m sure that what I’m telling is supposed to be a secret, but I know you’re a good friend. To look for her even after two years and still manage to stay here with the nerves and your pulse racing? I know you’re a friend of hers, a very good friend of hers. That’s why I’m telling you this. it’s a shorthand way of telling you what she was doing in the past two years. It’s the least I could do. She has been miserable ever since, you know.” when Callie was about to answer Clarisse, a shrill ring cut through the silent penthouse.
“I’ll get that.” Clarisse walked a few short steps to the phone and answered it. She glanced back to Erica’s sleeping figure. She looked uncomfortable being squashed on the couch. She sighed and stood up, but Clarisse called her from the desk,
“Hey, Dr. Torres—“ Callie turned around a bit and said,
“Please, it’s Callie.” Clarisse smiled at her.
“Okay, Callie, uhm, Eric wants me to meet him now. Are you going to be okay here? She won’t be awake until around 11am.” Callie walked down to where Erica was and, much to Clarisse’s surprise, carried Erica on her arms. Callie herself was a bit shocked when she lifted Ericabecause she was so light. Like she lost a substantial amount of weight and her white skin was almost ghostly.
“Yeah, I’m going to be okay here, I’ll just wait for her to wake up. Can you tell me where her room is? She doesn’t like sleeping on couches as much as I do.” Callie smiled at Clarisse and Clarisse smiled a gentle smile. She took her purse and weaved her way to the door before saying,
“Last door down the corridor. Eric and I won’t be back until later tonight, or worse, we’ll spend New Year’s eve outside.”
“Don’t worry, I’m planning to stay here with Erica. We have a lot to talk about.” Replied Callie as she adjusted Erica, her left arm tucked underneath Erica’s knees and her right gently supporting Erica’s neck and head, she held her like a baby.
“Okay then Callie. Have a nice day you two.”
Callie carried Erica from the living room to the room at the end of the corridor. When she opened the door, there was a queen- sized bed with a mattress as high as her thighs, which made placing Erica down easier. Her hands tingled at the smoothness of Erica’s skin on hers as she placed her down gently. She stared at her for a couple of moments before pulling the midnight blue comforter on Erica’s body. Erica turned on her side, facing Callie, who decided to kneel down on the floor. Callie smiled as wisps of blonde hair fell from Erica’s side down to her face. Callie took those hair strands and hooked it on her ear, all while tears silently cascaded from her eyes.
“You still look like a sleeping angel.” Callie took Erica’s hand and kissed her knuckles. Erica was still soundly asleep. Callie placed her hand down gently, careful not to wake Erica from her deep slumber. She looked out on the window facing a small desk in the farthest side of the room. She walked towards the windows and soaked up the cool December morning sun. She sighed audibly, letting memories wash her again,
“It’s snowing. Erica it’s snowing.” Callie flashed Erica her 10,000- megawatt smile as they lounged on their bench outside the hospital. Erica looked up and saw the flakes falling from the skies.
“It is, isn’t it? I never knew that you like snow? I thought you’re all sunny and bright back in Miami?” Erica gave Callie her own version of Callie’s grin, the one that rarely appeared on the Cardio Goddess’ face. Callie was about to answer when they heard a squeal of delight not far from where they were sitting. It was little Tuck sitting on his mother’s lap, trying to reach for the flakes in midair, and feeling them melt on his hands as they fall on them. Callie placed her head on Erica’s shoulder and breathed in slowly, relaxing on Erica’s scent, the one that never fails to calm her, even after Erica just finished a 12-hour surgery. Erica started talking out of nowhere,
“It’s been a decade since I last celebrated my birthday. I’ve been working nonstop for the past 15 years, I sometimes forget that it’s the holidays already.” Callie lifted her head up from Erica’s shoulder and faced her with a confused look on her face.
“Erica that’s unbelievable! Who forgets their own birthday?” Erica chuckled, this time it was her head that rested on Callie’s strong shoulder.
“I don’t forget my birthday Cal, I just don’t celebrate it. People are noisy, frantic and high whenever it’s my birthday. They celebrate it more than I do.” Callie’s thoughts got more mixed up with what Erica said.
“What? How come people celebrate your birthday if you don’t?” Tuck waved hello to the two of them when a snowflake fell on Tuck’s side that faced them. Miranda gave them a small smile, as the two of them waved back to shy little Tuck.
“Cal, my birthday falls on January first. I don’t celebrate because people with clogged arteries or heart attacks because of too much drinks are the ones who are with me in the ER. It’s no big deal for me, it’s just a number.” Erica puffed her breath, which made her vision blurry for a while.
“Then why are you telling me that you’ve never celebrated your day after 10 years?” Erica lifted her head and smiled at Callie.
“You don’t take hints very well, do you Cal?”
Callie let more tears escape her eyes. In a matter of hours, Erica will be celebrating her birthday, and New Year, alone—again. It was a good thing she came, it was a good thing that she traced where the wine came from, where the message came from. She wiped her tears quietly and looked down on Erica’s neat desk, when a photograph, a tad faded from its original shine, took her attention.
It was a picture of them, Callie enveloped in a tight hug from Erica. They were both asleep. Callie smiled at the memory. It was taken when Mark was looking for them after the hectic and panic- inducing shootout near Grace, both were needed in three emergency surgeries, because of multiple rib fractures and lung lacerations and bullet through bodies and all a person’s nightmare of getting caught between a requiem of gunshots. Physically exhausted and drained, both of them agreed to sleep in the on-call room on the fifth floor. Sloan decided to follow them after a few hours, wanting some girl-on-girl action, but instead he saw them sleeping soundly, albeit uncomfortable on the bunk bed, they were safe in each other’s arms. Mark took a picture and sent it on their Blackberry phones. Erica was blushing, both from anger and embarrassment, while Callie was beaming with pride. Callie never knew that Erica had that picture printed.
More tears flowed down her eyes. She wanted to once again wrap herself around Erica, to relinquish the feeling of being alone, of being miserable, to make her feel she’s loved. But it wasn’t her place anymore. It wasn’t right to be there in the first place but her heart tells her otherwise.
She took off her boots and kneeled back on the floor as she faced Erica. she took hold of her knuckles and kissed them, unknowingly dropping her tears on Erica’s hand. Callie placed a gentle kiss on Erica’s hair, she inhaled the scent of her sweet vanilla shampoo. She whispered, her tears making her voice raspy and low,
“I’m sorry Erica…I’m so sorry I pushed you away…” she let her forehead rest on Erica’s, still washed over by her emotions. Then she felt a squeeze on her hand that was clasped on Erica’s. A sleep- filled and tired voice made Callie retract a bit from Erica’s forehead,
“Callie…” Callie squeezed back and kissed her forehead again, her voice cracked as she said,
“Erica, I’m here…” eyes fluttered opened and was thrown into a gaze of big, blurry chocolate pools. She closed them again, she whispered softly,
“I’m still dreaming…” Callie let out an amused sigh and kissed Erica’s eyes, as if coaxing her to wake up,
“No, you’re not dreaming, I’m here, I found you. Finally.” Erica opened her eyes and stared into Callie’s. Callie suddenly felt that she was shrinking, though Erica’s stare wasn’t the dreaded Hahn Glare, she still felt guilty and stupid for letting her go and letting her walk out of her life that awful night. Erica slowly backed away from Callie. Callie was prepared for an onslaught of berating words or rejection, but when she felt Erica’s hand still tugging her hand, she looked up from the floor and saw that Erica made room for Callie to slip on her bed.
She wasn’t angry anymore? Wasn’t she supposed to lecture Callie on whatever was left unsaid when Erica took off, never to be seen again?
“I’m still tired and sleepy and cranky. I still want to sleep.” Erica said in between yawns as Callie took off her jacket and laid on the space Erica gave her. Once she was settled, Erica placed her head on Callie’s chest and as if on cue, they both wrapped their arms around each other.
“Please let this be just a dream…” Erica said,
“…let this be a dream so it’ll be alright not to wake up anymore.” Callie called Erica but the heart surgeon shushed her,
“Let’s sleep. We’ll talk later.” Erica pulled the covers on the both of them and silently wept herself to sleep. Callie kissed her hair and whispered soothing words to her as they both tried giving in to slumber.
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Callie was the first to wake up. When she looked at the clock, it was already 11 in the morning. She hadn’t been sleeping for long. She carefully extracted herself from Erica’s embrace and placed her pillow underneath her arms. She went to the bathroom to wash her eyes and face when she noticed that the medicine cabinet was wide open, bottles upon bottles of pills lined the cabinet, but most, if not all, were not even opened. She took one and saw that it was supplements for the blood. Callie thought that Erica might be anemic. She washed her face and went out of the room as quietly as possible. They needed something to eat, Clarisse mentioned that Erica hadn’t eaten anything yet for breakfast and it was nearly lunch hour.
Erica woke up and got confused by a warm pillow she was hugging. She knew she knocked herself out to sleep on the couch, so how did she end up in her bed? When she opened her eyes, the pillow was strategically placed under her embrace, as the smells of brewing coffee and raspberries filled her room. She glanced at her wall clock, 11:30am. It was early noon and she was still in her bed. But then it hit her. She remembered seeing Callie in one of her sleepy trances. But was it just a dream? Was Callie really there in her brother’s apartment, in New York?
Erica stood up and went outside her room, as she approached the kitchen, she heard humming- a song she had recently heard on the radio,
“…at last you appear on my doorstep…the mistletoe’s been waiting all day…all that I want for Christmas…is to give my love away…”
So it wasn’t a dream, Erica thought. Callie was really there, in her brother’s kitchen, cooking and singing. Part of her wanted to lash out on Callie, to tell her that she got nerves of steel to show up in her face and still manage to cook for the two of them, like nothing happened, like she didn’t sleep with Mark Sloan or sided with Izzie Stevens when the Duquette fiasco resurfaced. Part of her wanted to just throw Callie out of the door and let both of them be miserable, like what she was experiencing for the past two year.
But part of her wanted to hug Callie, in a never- ending embrace, like what she did back in her room. Part of her wanted to cry and lean on Callie, to tell her sorry that she left her, because she couldn’t handle the hurt in her anymore, that she couldn’t think of what Callie might do next in an unconscious attempt of hurting her. She wanted to keep her in her embrace, but it wasn’t her place anymore. She knew that she’s involved with another Attending back in Seattle.
She sighed deeply as she sat down on the stools in front of the counter. Callie jumped a little when she realized that Erica was already there. Erica opted to smile at her and stare at her with all the hurt and the pain gone. Seeing Callie there, the forgiveness that she had given Callie and herself just a few months ago came rushing into Erica’s soul. She knew that she had forgiven Callie a long time ago.
“Hey.” Callie fished out the rest of the pancakes off from the pan and placed it on the plates before she answered a nervous “Hey.” herself. Callie took out some low- fat butter from the counter and placed it side by side with the pancakes. Her hands trembled when she brought the coffee mugs on the table, all while Erica was smiling at her.
“I—I hope you’re hungry. I—I’m sorry if I snooped around your brother’s kitchen…Clarisse said you forgot eating when you fell asleep.” Erica grinned more and took the fork from Callie’s hand.
“You still ramble even after you’ve become an orthopedic Attending.” Erica cut a piece of pancake from her plate and ate it, not leaving Callie’s eyes. After several more bites, Erica raised her eyebrows and asked,
“Aren’t you going to join me? It’s a rarity that anyone can make me eat pancakes a few minutes before lunchtime.” She wanted to make Callie feel that it’s alright, that she had placed her aches behind her now, that today wasn’t yesterday. Callie smiled, sat down on the chair and began eating. It was like old times, when both of them had free weekends and they’d eat breakfast together.
“How did you find out that I lived here?” the inevitable question had to be asked, and answered,
“The wine. The wine told me where you are.” Callie smiled at her pancakes before turning her gaze back to Erica, who was smiling as well.
“Mark said your sister-in-law dropped by to give him the wine, so he could sneak it up in my locker. How did you know I’m working during Christmas?” Callie asked Erica back. Erica sipped from her mug and replied,
“I don’t. I just wanted to give you a gift. You didn’t answer my question though. How did you find me?”
“Well, Clarisse left your home number on the post it. I called here, half hoping you’d answer the phone—“
“How did you know that it was me who gave you the gift?” Callie was beaming now, a curious Erica is a cute Erica.
“I kept the tissue you wrote on during our first date, I compared your handwriting on the post it and on the tissue. They’re identical. And you’re the only one who knows my taste in wines. Plus Mark said you’d take his heart out with a spoon and feed it to your dog. New threats for interns Dr. Hahn?” Callie said playfully. Erica shook her head amusingly, her curls bounced pleasantly on her face.
“I knew I shouldn’t have said that to Clar. I just wanted you to know that I still remember…and I have never forgotten you.” Erica looked away from Callie as soon as her words left her mouth. Callie covered Erica’s hand with her own.
“I never forgot about you too, Erica.” having heard what Callie said, Erica couldn’t help but be bitter, even if she had placed her aches behind everything else. She still had a little bitterness left in her,
“Is that why you have a girlfriend who’s blonde and blue-eyed too?” Callie took her hand away from Erica’s and bit her lower lip. She knew bitterness and hurt had to come in their conversation. Erica stood up from where she was sitting, channeling Dr. Hahn as fast as she could.
“I’ll go back to my room. Thanks for the food.” Callie stood up too and was able to catch Erica arm before she took a step back into the living room. But as the raven grabbed her arm, Erica felt that feeling again. She abruptly tried to pull away from Callie’s hand, but Callie tightened her hold on Erica. She winced, which made Callie take her hand off Erica.
“I—I’m sorry.” Callie tried reaching for the heart surgeon’s hand but Erica started walking. She felt nauseous and instead of walking back to her room, she just crossed the fewer steps going to the couch that faced the floor to ceiling windows. With her head on her hand, she leaned on the couch and took deep breaths, she willed her stomach to stop running wildly in circles.
Callie sat on the other side of the sofa, feeling a bit foolish for manhandling Erica. The blonde however, was still immobile on the other side. After a good five minutes of silence, Callie stood up and proceeded to look for her jacket,
“I’m…going to get my jacket and then I’ll go.” silence wouldn’t get them anywhere, so it would just be better if Callie left. So, much for trying to get forgiveness. A muffled sound emanated from Erica,
“No. Don’t go.” Callie stopped and turned back to Erica. She was clutching her mouth tightly.
“Stay. Please. Let me just go to the bathroom.” Erica ran to the bathroom and left Callie in dazed confusion. Callie sat down on the sofa and thought,
“I should just tell her everything.”
Her thoughts were cut off when Erica emerged from the bathroom, paler than she was earlier. Callie got up and went to her,
“Are you okay? What happened?” Erica just shook her head and hugged Callie.
“I’m sorry I left you.” Those five words were enough to break Callie’s threshold. Her tears erupted from her eyes. How can the woman she broke tell her she’s sorry for walking away? If it were her, she would’ve walked away from herself too, and it was true. Callie had been a panicking freak when all her best friend wanted was her, her best friend.
Suddenly, it became clear to her now. The real reason why she took the flight going to New York. She wanted her best friend back. She wanted to ask for forgiveness, to start her friendship with Erica again, to salvage her heart, their hearts, from the misery that was left untouched for two years. She wanted her back in her life, it may not be like before, but it was more than enough. She wanted Erica and her heart and mind couldn’t agree more.
“No Erica…I’m sorry…I’m sorry for hurting you so much…Forgive me Erica…please forgive me…” Callie managed to whisper in between loud sobs. Her embrace tightened around Erica’s waist and Erica buried her face on Callie’s shoulder.
“I’ve forgiven you long before you asked for it.” Callie lifted Erica’s head gently and looked into her sapphire pools,
“Even if I don’t deserve it? I know how it hurt when George cheated on me, and yet I did the same to you. I know how it felt when everyone sided against me and yet I didn’t take your side.” Shame filled Callie’s voice. Her own transgressions marking her conscience for life. But that thought was erased when Erica pressed her lips on Callie’s forehead,
“Yes Callie. I forgive you, even if you think I cannot. I can never be mad at you, even if you break me continuously. I guess I am in love. Had always been in love.” Erica’s thumb wiped Callie’s tears from her cheeks.
“I love you too.” But Erica stiffened from what she heard,
“And you love Arizona too? Callie…it’s…different. What you are now, what you have now, is not the same as what I am now.” Callie ran her hands down on Erica’s arms. She made sure the blonde looked into her eyes before she spoke,
“I never fell out of love with you Erica. Arizona…loves me, and I do too…I guess…but there’s something that makes me go back towards you. Within those two years, I never stopped thinking about you, about all of the what ifs…about all the hurt, the pain…” Callie was about to go on and put her feeling s out in the open, like what she should’ve done years ago when Erica walked out on her, when the heart surgeon cut her off,
“I’m releasing you from the guilt Callie. It’s my decision to be alone, to be by myself, because…I can’t Cal. I don’t want to love anyone else but you. But you can, you can love Arizona, that’s why I’m freeing you from the guilt. I forgive you Callie.” Erica took a step backwards and went back to the couch. She sat down, though her sobs were still visible because her whole body was shaking. Callie went to Erica and kneeled in front of her,
“I went here to ask for forgiveness, but not to free me from guilt Erica. I came here because I want to start over, I want to be your best friend again. If my situation couldn’t give us more than that, I’m willing to do that. I’m willing to be your best friend, where panicking and freaking out had no place. All I want to know is if you’re willing to do that as well. Arizona’s a good woman, I feel like I’m moving forward with her, but I can’t see us in the future. I still see you. Erica…I still see you. You and me.” Callie took Erica’s hand and showered it with kisses. She continued,
“I still see us Erica. Let us start again. Please…” when Callie lifted her head from kissing Erica’s hand, Erica cupped both of her cheeks and kissed Callie gently on her lips. It was a slow, sweet kiss. A kiss Callie had waited so long to feel again. When they parted, Erica had a small smile on her lips, it almost looked like a defeated smile,
“Best friends don’t kiss like that.” Callie grinned amidst the tears and embraced Erica again.
She was a woman who doesn’t believe in destiny or soulmates, but if she ever had one, Callie knew who it was, her heart knew who her soulmate was, that in the end, in the next life or whatever people call it, she’d still go back to Erica. Her heart will always belong to Erica. Her best friend, her soulmate.
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The two spent the entire afternoon and later, the evening, talking and preparing their own mini- New Year’s eve feast. It was fun and easy, just like the old times. Callie had never felt so light in her life. She missed this. They were spontaneous, and Erica’s laughter was balm to her quickly recovering spirit. She hoped against hope that she was doing the same thing to her.
She did, however, notice the pauses that Erica took whenever they were talking or they were tickling each other on the couch while they waited for the shepherd’s pie baking in the oven. But Callie focused on Erica’s aura, the warm aura that no one hardly sees or notices, because it was being blocked by her Dr. Hahn persona. She suddenly remembered what they were really celebrating that night. She waited for Erica to come out of her bathroom before she launched on to her and they both fell down on the couch.
“You don’t do that to all the people that come out of the bathroom, do you Cal?” Erica mocked a stern tone but her laughter gave her away. Callie chuckled and straightened up,
“I don’t. But I do when a certain blonde heart surgeon forgets, yet again, that her birthday is just…” she glanced at the clock, it was 9:05pm,
“…three short hours away.” Callie grinned and Erica shook her head, amused and baffled that Callie still remembered her birthday.
“Stand up little daisy, I guess you still remember my birthday, huh?” both of them sat down on the couch and their bodies, as if on automatic, gravitated towards each other’s warmth. Erica rested her head on Callie’s shoulder and Callie pulled her closer. Callie felt Erica’s skin cool to touch. Colder than the room itself. A surge of fear suddenly went through her.
“Erica?”
“Hmm? You hungry? Can we just wait until the clock strikes twelve? Clarisse told me they always saw the fireworks in Madison Square Garden here in the living room.” Erica’s voice was small but was suddenly full of exhaustion.
“Erica, you’re cold. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just a bit tired. I haven’t been tickling and laughing and pouncing on people for quite some time now Cal.” Erica let out an amused sigh but Callie’s gut feeling told her otherwise.
“Do you want a blanket? I’ll get your blankets in the room—“ Erica reached for Callie’s hand and held on it firmly.
“Callie?”
“Erica…”
“You know I can’t lie to you right?” Callie’s let out a breath she’s been holding. Erica patted the couch, wordlessly asking Callie to sit down. Callie shook her head, intended to make every remaining minute of that year, and her borrowed time with Erica, as fulfilling and as fun as it can be. Callie went to Erica’s room and pulled the blanket off the bed. She placed the blanket near the sofa and went to the kitchen. She prepared two mugs of hot chocolates and the chiffon cake she baked earlier that afternoon. When she emerged from the kitchen, she saw Erica walking out from the bathroom again, her hand covering her mouth lightly. She then saw a big bruise on her arm. Callie placed the mugs and plate down the table and looked at Erica as she made her little steps towards the couches, but she stopped and leaned her head on the wall of the corridor. Callie ran to her side immediately.
“Erica, what’s going on?” She saw Erica turn impossibly paler and she carried her again back to her room. She ran to the kitchen and filled a glass with water. She went back to the room, hot chocolate and blanket forgotten.
Callie rummaged for a new blanket in Erica’s room and covered Erica’s body with it. She helped Erica sit down so she can drink the water. After drinking, Callie placed more pillows behind Erica’s head. Erica was fighting hard not to fall asleep because of fatigue.
“Erica, it’s alright, you can sleep.”
“No, I want to…celebrate my birthday…I want to wait for my birthday…I want to see the fireworks…” Erica sat up, but Callie stopped her.
“Erica…”
“I can’t lie to you Callie.”
“I know. So tell me, what is going on?” Erica looked at her, her tired blue eyes lost their shine,
“When I told you I was okay with you sleeping with Mark. I lied. It was my first lie, to just end the discussion, because the more you spoke that time, the more I broke. The more I lost myself in emotion. I wasn’t okay then Cal. Who becomes okay after your best friend ran away from you to sleep with someone else in their freak out?” Callie closed her eyes, willing the memory of Erica’s emotionless face away from her imagination. She sat down the bed and stared at the comforter, Erica continued,
“And me crying? That is how I freak out Callie. All I wanted that time was you hearing me out in my revelation, so I can be okay. But you ran away. I wasn’t okay. And now…” Erica paused, catching her breath. She closed her eyes, asking for courage and more time with Callie. She felt her muscles ache and her vision blur. She sat up slowly, Callie helped her out, and she tightened her hold on Callie’s arms and looked into her eyes before she continued speaking,
“Now, I’m not okay because...five months ago, after a 12- hour surgery, I fainted in the scrub room. I thought it was just from fatigue or I forgot to eat anything before the surgery. But the Chief of Surgery wanted a full body exam with all of his Attendings and it showed that…I have stage three…chronic lymphocytic leukemia.”
Callie’s heart stopped beating for a second. So that explained the bottles of unopened medicine. The pauses in between laughter, the bathroom trips, and her ghostly color. Callie fought her tears back and replied,
“Clarisse doesn’t know. Eric does. I came back from the hospital for my last chemo. I stopped taking oral administrative pills three months ago because my hair was falling…You know how I love my hair…” Erica attempted to chuckle. She let her head fall on Callie’s shoulder and the raven quickly enveloped her in a hug. Callie wanted to make it better, she wanted Erica to stand up and tell her she’s just joking. That everything will be alright. She was no oncologist but she knew the signs and symptoms, she knew enough to make her shake in fear of losing what she just found again. Of losing forever with what she found again. They were both crying, but Erica leaned more into Callie and said,
“That’s why I want to celebrate my birthday Cal. You, being here, is the best gift I have ever received. You, coming back to me…even for a short amount of time…is more than enough Cal…it’s—“
“It’s not just a short time Erica. I’ll take you to Seattle, you can’t say no to me. I’ll make sure you undergo chemo and the I.L- 2 treatment…and you’re going to go past through this. Bailey will check your spleen and liver and…you’re…going…back…to Seattle with me…” Callie’s sobs made speech difficult for her. Didn’t Erica suffer with her enough? That she had to have a type of cancer that was undetectable until it’s all too late?
“Yes Cal…” Callie lifted her head from their embrace and teary blues met teary browns.
“Yes, I’ll go with you to Seattle. I’ll go anywhere with you.” Erica smiled. From that smile alone, Callie knew it will all be alright. She hoped everything will be alright.
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The next couple of hours Callie was just cradling Erica on the bed. She was sitting on Callie’s lap, her legs across her thighs, her head leaning on her shoulder. Every now and then, Callie would kiss her hair or her cheek, or whatever part of Erica’s body where she wanted to take the pain away. It was as if time stood still for the two of them. Callie held on to her, not too tightly in fear of bruising her again, but not too loose, in fear of letting Erica slip away from her. She never felt so afraid in her life. She realized Fate had the worst sense of humor ever. Why would Fate will them to meet again if they were going to be separated from each other again?
Maybe she wasn’t her soulmate after all?
When Callie thought about that notion, her heart ached so much, her tears threatened to spill again. She held on Erica tightly, her shallow breathing placed Callie on the edge. She knew in her heart of hearts what the truth was. The truth that Erica Hahn, Cardio Goddess, intern-melting, ice queen…her best friend and sucker for tear-jerking movies, was the love of her life, was her soulmate. Is her soulmate. And she would kill anyone who would say disagree to her. Even if the one who will disagree with her is Arizona Robbins.
------------------------------
Arizona looked at the clock, she was scrubbing in and they were about to start Nicholas’ surgery in a few minutes. In the past few days, Callie had not called her or texted her. it was weird, she thought Callie would ask her how the boy was doing or how they will operate. When Derek Shepherd announced that they must bag the little Jacobson until they get him to the OR, the first thing in her mind was how would Callie react to the neurosurgeon’s saved-by-the-proverbial-bell entrance. But no returned phone calls for the past five days she has left. It was New Year’s eve and there was no sign of Callie calling her. She heaved a sigh and went into surgeon mode. They had to save this boy’s life, it’s the least they can do.
The clips were slowly being placed in the boy’s head through the instrument Shepherd, Sloan and herself funded for and created for the little boy’s operation. It was going to be a long operation, even if it only needed clipping the malformation of the blood vessels in the boy’s brain. She internally wished that Callie was there, watching in the gallery, rather than be somewhere in the East.
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Callie still contemplated on what just happened in her day. She didn’t notice Erica’s weak demeanor because she wasn’t showing any weakness at all. She was still playful; she returned her jokes at her faster than her comebacks. She gamely wrestled her and never got tired or had big dark bruises afterwards. She still didn’t understand how one afternoon Erica was Erica and when the night descended, she was not moving at all. Her breathing was labored, her muscles ached whenever she moved, she heaved and coughed blood constantly…everything was un-Erica like. She was this beautiful, strong and powerful woman, and now she was back to being a small child, vulnerable and afraid to let go of her embrace. Then the worst possible memory entered her head,
“I—I thought he was going to live longer. He was recovering nicely, his wounds healed and his angio was clear. He was as good as new Cal! I mean…he was as good as new and it never occurred to me that..he’d just…die…it’s…he’s strong and he’s got the willpower of a god…What happened Callie? What had just happened?” Erica wiped her tears angrily and ran her hands through her hair. Her patient died on her table that afternoon. The patient was recovering after three days of surgery but had a massive heart attack that day and Erica couldn’t save him anymore. Callie sat down beside her on Erica’s office and hugged her best friend. She knew that losing a patient was never easy, even if you’ve been doing surgeries almost all your life. Callie sighed loudly and said,
“I think…he survived surgery because he was waiting for his wife. He wanted to fight to see another day, spend another day with his wife. My mom said people who know that they were going to die were strong. She even told me that my abuelo was shockingly strong on the day he died. All morning he was walking in the gardens, he even made mama breakfast. He marveled on the sunset and let mama sleep on his lap like what he used to do. Then when he sat down his rocking chair and closed his eyes, he never woke up. Maybe Mr. Pratt wanted to make sure that his wife was okay, that she saw him strong and happy and alive, before he submitted to his sickness. He loved her so much that he pushed himself to his limits so he could see his wife for one more time. So his wife could see him for the last time.” When Callie finished, Erica’s breathing had evened out,
“Maybe you’re right. He loved her that much; he cheated death to make sure he made his wife feel that he loved her.”
Callie’s tears were uncontrollably spilling from her eyes. That prompted Erica to lift her head from the raven’s neck and said,
“No tears, we’re celebrating my birthday in a mo right?” Erica’s voice was cracked and small. Callie was still crying but she forced a smile. She glanced on the wall clock and saw it was only minutes before the clock strikes twelve. Erica looked at it too and smiled,
“I want to see the fireworks Cal. I want to see the living room light up because of the fireworks. I want to see the whole world celebrate my birthday.” Callie saw a five year-old Erica on her lap, asking for fireworks and cake on her birthday. No one can say no to that. When Callie was about to carry Erica from the room to the sofa, Erica hugged her tightly before she stood up slowly. She held out her hand to Callie and smiled at her. Callie stood up and took hold of Erica’s hand. They went out of the room and into the living room. Erica sat down in the middle of the seat and Callie went to the kitchen to fetch the champagne sitting in the freezer and two champagne flutes. She sat down on the couch and poured the champagne in the glasses. She gave one glass to Erica and she took one for herself. They clinked their glasses and sipped from it. Erica stared into the night sky.
“I’ll go wherever you go Cal. I’ll go wherever you take me.” She looked into Callie’s puffy eyes and kissed them gently. She placed her glass down on the table and rested her head on Callie’s shoulder and Callie immediately cuddled her closer. With a contented sigh, Erica mumbled,
“I’m okay now.”
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“Ladies and gentlemen, we’re done here.” Derek Shepherd announced in his OR that the surgery has successfully finished. Sounds of relief flooded the OR when,
“Hang on…” Derek glanced at the wall clock of the OR and noticed that it was,
“seven…six…” seconds before the new year. The whole OR joined his countdown.
“five..four…three..two…”
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“…one. Happy new year Cal.” Erica kissed Callie’s cheek and rested her head back to her shoulders. Callie lifted her head gently and placed a chaste kiss on Erica’s cold lips. The fireworks lit up the living room and Erica’s eyes widened with a delight of a five-year-old.
“Happy birthday Erica.” her thumb brushed Erica’s cheek ever so gently, Erica leaned on her touch and sighed happily.
“Best birthday gift. Ever.” Erica rested her forehead on Callie’s and the raven could not help but smile. Maybe everything will be alright after all.
“Callie?”
“Yeah? Hey look it’s snowing again! Snow and fireworks!”
“Yeah it is.” Erica sighed with much amusement. She rested her head on Callie’s chest as the raven embraced her. The feeling of her heart beating in time with hers soothed her tired body and soul.
“I’m okay now Cal. And I love you.” Callie smiled.
“I love you too, Erica.” But her smile faded when the heartbeat faded.
She didn’t say anything anymore after that.
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Arizona was now close to tearing her hair with frustration. No happy new year call or greeting from Cal during the new year’s eve and day. No call, message, or email, at all. For a week. It was worrying her a tad too much. Bailey, who was dressed in black, was putting her last chart for the day back in the nurses’ station. She saw Arizona pacing at the lobby of the hospital.
“If you don’t stop pacing around like a rabbit on met drip then you’d tear up the floor.” Bailey’s voice startled Arizona from her frustrated daze and looked at her and said,
“Callie hasn’t called me yet. Ever since she went away to Miami, she hasn’t called me yet and it’s been a week. I don’t know what to think anymore!” Miranda raised her eyebrows in shock but recovered quickly before Arizona saw her.
“I’m sure she’s okay. She's a big girl, she can take care of herself. Talk to her when she gets back. I’m quite sure she can explain things to you.” Miranda nodded and was about to go when Arizona asked her,
“Why are you leaving early? And all dressed up in black?”
“Oh, my lawyer’s sister passed away. It’s the least I could do to pay my respect to his sister.” Miranda nodded again and left. Arizona looked skyward and turned back towards the hall when she accidentally bumped Sloan, closely followed by Shepherd, both wearing black.
“Oh I’m sorry. Did Callie call you? I haven’t—“
“Nope. She didn’t call me—“
“Or me.” Derek cut in, Mark continued,
“I’ll tell you when she does, but we can’t stay and chat, we have a plane to catch.” Arizona scrunched her eyebrows at them,
“Where to?”
“Direct flight to New York. Attending a funeral of a friend.” Mark looked at Derek and Derek looked back at Arizona.
“We’ll see you tomorrow.” Derek hurriedly said and they walked out of the hospital. Arizona just shook her head and went back to her rounds.
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“I don’t want this. Eric, please tell the lawyers that—“
“It’s what Erica wants. Do them. Please.” Callie finished reading Erica’s handwritten last will.
I haven’t spent a lot in my days, and all the work I’ve done for the past decades, well, they just accumulated in my bank account. I never knew I had this amount of money and property. I invested but I never got to actually spend on luxury, except my Gallardo and my Lexus convertible, but I used them anyway. This substantial amount of money, can help a lot of people and I do mean a lot. So, let’s start…
I hereby…oh cut the crap.
I want to give my nieces, Clara and Emily an addition of 3 million dollars to their trust fund. I know Eric, that you have enough, but they’re my nieces after all. Let me spoil them.
5 million dollars to your law firm dear brother. A million in Clarisse’s business. And another million for the property you’ve always wanted to buy.
Two million dollars each for Seattle Presbyterian, New York Presbyterian and 5 million for Seattle Grace- Mercy West. All must go to their Cardiothoracic research facility. And another 5 million for the Orthopedics and Pediatrics section of the last mentioned hospital. The remaining 3 million of half of the money I have, please give it to UNOS and my favorite charitable institution.
The rest half of my savings and my house in Seattle, together with the Gallardo and Lexus, (they’re still in the garage by the way), I give to Callie Torres. I know she hates money, but I also know that even if she and her father had made up, her trust fund is still cut.
Callie, please use the money and enjoy your life. I wasn’t able to enjoy mine until you came along and pushed me out of my professional shell. Spend it on your research, buy all the Pinot Noirs and El Presidentes you can hoard, spend it on your wedding with…her. Enjoy your life Callie. And take care of my cars! I know you still want to use them. This time you don’t have to fish out the keys from my purse, they’re now all yours.
Please cremate my body and put it in a blue marble urn. I want to go back to Seattle too. I’m pretty sure my funeral service will be swift because not many people will attend the Ice Queen’s funeral. Kidding aside…
I have lived my life in a straight line. Only a few deviations happened in that line, and the most beautiful thing that happened to me, was when a certain Raven-haired Orthopedic resident pulled me out of that line. I’m just sorry that I couldn’t stay with her longer. When she came into my life, I just knew that she’s the last person I’ll ever love and want to be with. I hope she felt that with the time I had spent with her.
When people read this, I hope they all grant my last wishes. I rarely wish for anything, but I hope these will be fulfilled.
Signed,
Erica Louise Hahn
“She also told me that when this time comes, I have to tell you that she left something in the side table drawer of her bedroom back in Seattle. She said it’s for you and she wants you to get it. It belonged to you and she wanted to make sure that you get it. So I hope the first thing you’d do is go to her house and take whatever that is. She said it’s important. You might want to look for that when you get back to Seattle.” Eric took Callie’s trembling hands and looked in her eyes, the blue eyes that reminded her of someone she loved,
“After the funeral today, please take Erica home. Take Erica home with you. She will go anywhere with you. Take her back to Seattle, I’m sure that is where she wants to be.” Callie closed her eyes, tears flowed down harshly from her eyes.
“I’ll go wherever you go Cal. I’ll go wherever you take me.”
Erica’s words rang in her head. Eric was right. Erica will want to be with her, wherever she was. Her sleeping angel was finally her guardian angel now.
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Miranda Bailey sat side by side with Derek Shepherd and Mark Sloan. Callie stared in front of the coffin. The body in it, she was just holding in her arms two days ago. She was weeping, but she was silent. Only the sound of the minister leading the funeral could be heard. The funeral was simple, and much to her surprise, the three attending from Seattle Grace attended.
Only Miranda knew, and Callie didn’t even tell her in the first place. Miranda had a scheduled meeting with Atty. Eric Hahn a day after new year for the proceedings of her divorce, but Eric said he would have to cancel because of her sister’s funeral. Miranda was dumbfounded on what she heard. She knew that her lawyer was the only sibling of the surgeon that saved baby Tuck’s life. She attended, because it’s her way of paying respect and offering her thanks for the woman who she had once hated.
Mark Sloan heard Miranda’s phone conversation at the parking lot while he and Derek went out to get a cup of coffee. The two decided to come and pay their own respects for the feisty heart surgeon that became part of the Boy’s Club in Seattle Grace.
It was Sloan’s last chance to ask for forgiveness on what he did years back. Derek Shepherd was inspired by her to continue the struggle for the clinical trial, because that was how a great surgeon she was. Even after Preston Burke took the Avery under her nose, she pushed on her research. He didn’t admit that to anyone, but the Cardio Goddess was one of the main reasons why there is now a so-called Shepherd method. The three of them agreed to not tell any soul in Seattle Grace.
So when the three of them saw Callie standing in front of the coffin, touching the glass that separated her fingers from the blonde’s body- to say that they were shocked was an understatement. The three of them went to Eric Hahn before Miranda and Mark went to her. She didn’t look up to them, instead she lost the feeling on her knees and collapsed. She sobbed loudly, screamed until her throat hurt, wanting to wake Erica up from her endless sleep. Just like what she did when Erica’s heart stopped beating. Mark picked her up but Callie just pounded on his shoulders. Miranda held Callie and she locked her in her embrace. Callie was still shouting and lashing out but Miranda was keeping her at bay.
Part of Callie died with Erica. That was what she felt when Erica’s heartbeat faded on her chest. It was true then, it was so true, that Erica was Callie’s soulmate.
Now that Eric and Clarisse finished their eulogies, it was Callie’s turn to take the podium. Her stomach wasn’t cooperating with her but she had to go, even if she didn’t want to say goodbye to Erica. she willed her legs to move and walk without falling on her knees towards the podium. She can’t see anything through her tears but blurred images of the people in front of her. her voice was cracked and small, but she inhaled and started,
“I went here to get my best friend back, to get my soulmate back. I went here to ask for forgiveness, to ask for another chance, for another risk. I…went here to get her back, in any way possible. I wanted to give everything she deserves to have. I…I love her and I never had the chance to make her feel it…I…died, with her. The moment I felt her heart stop, mine did too.” Callie broke down, completely and utterly defeated. She couldn’t continue anymore, her body won’t cooperate and all she wanted to do was to burn with Erica as her body was submitted to the fire.
Miranda and Eric went to her side and pulled her up gently. They made their way back to the seats as the minister said the final words. When they finished, the coffin was wheeled in the crematory. Callie stood up and ran towards the coffin as they opened it. She wanted to hug Erica for the last time but she stopped herself; she can’t touch her cold shell. She wanted to remember the warmth and the feeling of her beating heart against hers. She wanted to memorize every smile, every twinkle in her eye and every emotion Erica showed her and imprinted it delicately in her memory, in her now cold and empty heart.
As the flames engulfed her, Callie felt that she needed to go back to Seattle, with her. she now understood why Erica was willing to be with her everywhere she wanted to go. it was what her heart told her so. Eric and Clarisse said their final goodbyes to their younger sister and Callie took Erica’s ashes, now housed in a beautiful blue and white- streaked marble urn. The four Attendings of Seattle Grace – Mercy West went back to Washington after the service, Callie was silent and emotionless as they boarded the plane and went back to Seattle
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When Callie arrived in the apartment, she just left her bags in the hallway and took the wooden box with her. She was about to leave for Erica’s place when Arizona stepped out and called to her,
“Calliope! Where the hell have you been?!” still having no emotions on her face, Callie turned to her, Arizona stepped back from what she saw on Callie’s expression.
“Not now Arizona.” Callie whispered. But Arizona wasn’t taking any of it, she had waited long enough, worried like hell and she wanted answers now.
“NO! We’ll do this now! You can’t just leave for the east without calling me or sending me a message that you’re still alive! I’m worried sick over here thinking where the hell you might be or what the hell is happening to you and—“
“SHUT UP.” Callie’s voice was raspy from all the crying, her tone was forceful but it had no indications of a shouting match. Her brown eyes were empty, Arizona noticed it when she looked at her in the eye. In a defeated tone, Arizona answered,
“You leave for the east, then after 10 days I’ve lost you. What happened Callie? I just want to know what happened?” Callie turned her back from Arizona, picking up the wooden box and headed out of the apartment. Arizona slumped on the chair and sighed.
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After she paid the cab, and a wooden box on hand, she slowly walked the familiar driveway of Erica’s house in Seattle. The house she used to crash in every time they went home drunk and happy. She took the secret key from under the fifth rock in Erica’s yard and opened up the door.
The house was well kept; Erica hired a housekeeper because it was the only person she found when she went there to try to apologize 2 years ago. She looked for the keys to Erica’s priced possessions, her multi-million dollar cars. She opened up the garage door and saw that both of the cars were hidden with their respective car covers. She took them off of the cars and marveled at the both of them. Erica’s passion for luxury and sports cars were ricocheting all over her garage just by merely looking at the onyx 2007 Lamborghini Gallardo, and the pearl white 2007 SC 430 Lexus Convertible. It was all hers now. All that Erica was, is all hers now.
She went back inside the house and went upstairs for the request that Eric told her about. She was on automatic, her feelings were shed away after Erica’s body was burned away. When she reached the room, the day when she ran away from Erica rebounded to her, her tears now welled in her eyes. But she fought them hard and she went to sit down on Erica’s side of the bed. Her side table looked the same, medical journal and black-thick rimmed glasses splayed on top. Then she reached for the drawer’s handle, and she opened it slowly.
A large, square blue velvet box sat neatly inside. Her name was carved delicately on the lower right end of the box. She took it out and opened it slowly. A silver necklace with two pendants presented themselves on Callie’s eyes. The pendants were a silver leaf and a heart locket. When she opened the locket, it contained a photo of the two of them, sleeping soundly, like the same picture Callie found on Erica’s desk back in New York. Her tears almost made her not notice the inscription on the other half of the locket.
Forever in My Heart
E.H.-C.T
Callie’s tears freely flowed down her cheeks as she put on the necklace around her. She searched the box for any letters but only found another velvet box, this time it contained two platinum rings. Underneath each ring, it had the same inscription inside the locket. Callie was sobbing loudly as she fingered the two rings and slipped them on together. She went down the living room and collapsed on her knees. All the bittersweet memories finally flooded her and she couldn’t do anything but cry on what she lost and what she had and what she just got from Erica that moment.
She almost crawled on to the table where she placed the wooden box down. Taking the lid off carefully, she pulled the white and blue-streaked urn from inside it and wept. She hugged the urn and whispered,
“We’re home Erica. We’re back home. And I’ll be okay now too.”