Chapter Text
soojin wouldn’t call herself a romantic, that’s not her. in fact, that’s more miyeon’s or shuhua’s thing, one that they have mastered over the many years. soyeon is too actually, as behind her cold features lies a heart full of love, one that they had gradually come to realise existed - soojin and her were alike in that.
and yet there’s moments, fragmented, but still so clear in-between dance practices, recording sessions and hurried, messy schedules (that she never regrets; how could she, after all this is what she dreamed of doing for so long) when soojin looks at shuhua and yearns to show just how much she means to her, the same way the other girl does to her.
it’s not a feeling that comes often, but that doesn’t mean it’s not there, that it doesn’t cling to her insides like glue from when she was a kid in art class. and even then she had more control over where and how she used it, but with shuhua it’s a complete mess, because her insides twist and turn with seemingly no end or relief in sight.
admittedly, she’s not the best at showing things either. hot and cold, or more aptly - tsundere, is what everyone, including the staff, call her. is it true? soojin would be hard-pressed to deny it.
she’s just naturally like that, not because of her upbringing - her family love her very much and she loves them. maybe it’s more that soojin likes being in control of what she shows to the world and does it in tiny little pieces, a puzzle to be completed if you know where to look.
“jin-ah.”
her thoughts are disturbed by a sweating shuhua, who is grinning at her widely and panting, finally done with her practice. it had lasted longer than usual since shuhua wanted to practice a bit more and soojin decided to stay with her, knowing better than anyone how shuhua always appreciated the company.
soojin motions shuhua over and the girl doesn’t fail to do as she’s told, except that she takes it a step further and settles onto soojin’s lap.
“ugh, get off.” soojin pushes her, but shuhua doesn’t budge, only pouting at her and wrapping her arms further around soojin’s waist. she rolls her eyes, but a part of her is pleased and she lets the girl stay.
“thanks for waiting.” it’s quiet and soojin frowns, lifting shuhua’s chin up with a finger, trying to search her eyes for an answer.
“are you okay?”
“it’s hard not to be when you’re here.” shuhua says, somewhat dodging the question which makes soojin sigh, slightly annoyed that she’s hiding things, but lets it go. she’ll say something when she wants to, always has.
“you really shouldn’t say things like that, people might get the wrong idea.”
shuhua shrugs and leans into her, eyes closed, “let them.”
she never really knew how to react to things like that, especially when shuhua always says it so easily, like it doesn’t mean anything and soojin purses her lips, trying to ignore how her neck prickles at the thought.
instead she observes the girl on her lap - it’s hard not to stare at shuhua and in moments like these, soojin is always taken aback by just how pretty her friend is. so much so, that even after a gruelling dance practice, the sweat only seems to add to her charm.
“here.” soojin pushes a bottle of water to shuhua’s side and dabs the girl’s sweat with a towel as she drinks, taking care to afterwards fix the messy hair from dancing. for how carefree shuhua always is, she gives off the impression of not really caring about things and yet here she is at 1am, still practicing so she can do the choreography properly.
shuhua lets out a sound of appreciation after drinking half the bottle, “as always your presence never fails to refresh me.”
soojin rolls her eyes, unsurprised at the comment, “ah stop that.” but takes the bottle from her and puts it back in her bag. she wants to say something about how she admires shuhua’s work ethic and that she shouldn’t feel bad if she falls behind sometimes. after all it’s only natural and can happen to any of them, but those thoughts turn to dust when soojin thinks of letting them out and instead she stays silent.
“don’t complain, you know you love it.”
somehow their position shifts into shuhua hugging her, nuzzled to her chest and soojin with her head on shuhua’s shoulder. it’s automatic, an action borne from habit that soojin has grown to love, even though she’d never admit it.
the room is quiet and it’s just the two of them, the booming noise of music no longer in the background. it’s comfortable. it never has been awkward with them really, but there’s also something lingering in the air this time that soojin can’t place her finger on.
“what are you thinking about so loud?” there’s a rumble that reverberates throughout her chest as shuhua speaks and it takes everything in soojin not to react.
soojin shrugs, “just today.” and it’s an answer, but not really, not in the ways that matter. there’s a fear in her that maybe, she had just accidentally created a void that surrounded them and she opens her mouth to say something, but shuhua only nods and she feels her smile, lips curling.
there’s something in that, soojin thinks, how shuhua understands even without words, but it’s late, they’re both tired, and they need to go back to the dorm, so she puts it out of her mind and instead slaps shuhua’s butt which makes her jump up.
“come on let’s start heading back.” soojin says with a grin and runs to the door with a sudden burst of energy, hearing the hurried footsteps behind her.
“unnie you can’t just do that!”
they’re at a music show, getting ready to perform dumdi dumdi when it happens.
soyeon and yuqi are both sitting next to each other when yuqi twists soyeon’s makeup chair, surprising the girl and making her yelp.
“hey stop that!” soyeon holds on for dear life to her chair, dizzy from the spinning and once yuqi stops, immediately jumps on her, trying to get revenge.
“i’m going to kill you!”
“no forgive me, forgive me i yield!”
yuqi laughs and squirms in her chair as soyeon tickles her.
on the other side minnie and miyeon sit calmly in their chairs, a big difference in atmosphere as they quietly talk to each other whilst the staff do their hair for the performance.
shuhua is in the corner, frantically looking for something, but is coming up empty and shows her panic by questioning every staff member. the only thing she gets are negative shakes of the head however and lets out her annoyance loudly in a yell that is easily covered up by yuqi’s laughter.
“unnies have you seen my charger?” she ends up pestering minnie and miyeon who think, but also shake their heads.
“no clue sorry, maybe you left it at home?”
shuhua groans, “no i swear i packed it, i remember seeing it.”
soojin is lost in her phone at the back of the room, but still manages to catch what was said and pipes up, “it’s in my bag, i told you i’d pack it for you when you were eating.”
shuhua gasps and runs up to her with a hug, “jinjin you’re the best! i love you.”
soojin rolls her eyes and purses her lips, but returns the hug with a pat on the back, “yeah yeah, you should’ve asked me immediately instead of panicking.”
“i didn’t think about it.” shuhua giggles and tries to kiss her, but soojin only leans out of the way with a glare, “please, kiss.” the english is said cutely and with a pout it hits like a well-aimed missile, however soojin remains steadfast and shakes her head, used to her antics.
groaning, shuhua spreads out across soojin’s lap and pokes at her cheeks, “meanie.” before rummaging through soojin’s bag and putting her phone on charge. it’s a dramatic sight as she does all this while trying not to move too much so as not to fall off, but she succeeds and starts playing with her phone, settling in comfortably.
she looks up and catches minnie staring at them with a grin, having finished talking with miyeon and soojin rolls her eyes again. someday she will go cross-eyed from doing that too much, but there really is no better reaction she thinks.
“unnie how do you manage to look so beautiful even from this angle?” shuhua asks and soojin glances down to see her staring, a soft look in her eyes and soojin blushes at the compliment.
“stop being so greasy.” she mutters, ignoring the way her stomach swoops and how shuhua looks at her.
“i’m not, i’m just stating the truth. ” shuhua says and frowns, “only look at me jin-ah okay, just like how i only look at you.”
“what are you talking about.” soojin tsks and goes back to watching the youtube video playing on screen, missing how shuhua sighs forlorn and does the same, taking some time to themselves before they have to be on stage.
the weight on her lap is comfortable and soojin plays with shuhua’s hair as she watches a video, ignorant of how all the girls except them share a look amongst each other.
later that night she’s watching TV with minnie, since a drama that soojin had gotten invested in (against her will mind you, shuhua watches way too many of these that it’s impossible not to eventually join in) is playing. there’s a scene of the main lead covering his love interest with a coat to shield against the rain. typical.
soojin snorts, breaking the silence “god this is so cliche.”
“says the one who has done similar things.” minnie says with a laugh.
“huh…” soojin replies, genuinely confused, “i don’t remember ever doing anything like that before.”
there’s a few moments that pass and soojin thinks she’s not going to get a reply when, “do you really not see it?” minnie asks, staring at her completely dumbfounded.
“see what?” soojin furrows her eyebrows, confused at the sudden question. she’s sure she hasn’t missed anything on screen, at least not that she noticed.
“the fact that you do these same cliche things for shuhua and nobody else.” minnie states simply. maybe too simply for such a thing that turns soojin’s world completely upside down.
“what?” soojin laughs loudly, finding that hilarious and definitely false, she’d have noticed if that was the case, “no i don’t.” she says defensively, not even sure of why she’s reacting this way, especially since it’s not like minnie is saying something awful.
minnie raises an eyebrow, pursing her lips, before, “yes. yes you do.”
and minnie has always been an insightful person, so there must be some tidbit of truth to the conversation, but soojin rebels against it and laughs again, trying to calm down the queasy feeling inside of her, “i have no idea what you’re talking about.”
minnie only looks at her, pity in her eyes and shakes her head as if wanting to say something, before patting soojin’s hand, “never mind.”
“wait wait, no we’re not done here.” soojin says hurriedly, wanting to get to the bottom of this, but the girls suddenly burst into the room with takeaway and the conversation is long forgotten in the midst of food that has everyone salivating.
the conversation doesn’t get brought up again, although that’s kind of soojin’s fault as for some reason, she really didn’t want to find out what minnie had meant. that doesn’t mean it doesn’t replay in her head constantly as she tries to figure it out herself.
it doesn’t take her long to understand and it goes like this:
they’re at a radio station getting ready to go in, when shuhua picks at her lips before running her tongue over them and groans, “ugh my lips are so chapped it’s annoying.”
soojin doesn’t even think as she reaches into her bag, pulls out a lip balm and gives it to shuhua who takes it gleefully with an air kiss and a squeal.
she only clocks it later that she had already been prepared for something like that for quite a while now and had done it before, but just never realised. it leaves a weird sensation in her stomach, but she shrugs it off. friends take care of other friends, that’s all it is.
another time they’re home alone and cooking food. well, more like soojin is. shuhua is doing what shuhua does and is distracting her with dancing, trying to get her to move around as well, but soojin ignores the youngest and continues to stir the pot.
“come on jin-ah, let’s have some fun!” shuhua yells and pokes her side. no response. another poke. poke. poke. pokepokepoke.
“stop.” after the sixth or so poke, soojin finally speaks up and pushes shuhua out of the way with her hips.
there’s no giving up in shuhua’s dictionary though and instead she wraps her arms around soojin, squeezing every few seconds, “not until you join me to dance a little.”
“gosh what’s your obsession with dancing whenever i’m cooking.” soojin groans, before adding a pinch more salt for shuhua into the soup.
she feels shuhua shrug, “i like making you smile.” it’s said softly and soojin huffs in laughter at the answer, somehow not expecting it. she’d known shuhua for years and yet she still managed to say things that surprised her.
“you’re really one of a kind huh?”
“of course!” shuhua nods and puts her head on soojin’s shoulder, “i’m like this only with you though.”
soojin feels her cheeks heat up, not really knowing how to react and stays quiet. out of the corner of her eye she sees shuhua grin and before she can dodge, there’s a peck courtesy of shuhua on her cheek.
“hey!” soojin yells, immediately wiping at it so that the lingering feeling of shuhua’s lips go away. before soojin can hit her, shuhua skips away giggling and she barely withholds a smile at the sight. if there was one thing that shuhua was a master at - it was making soojin feel at peace.
it doesn’t take long for shuhua to come back and back-hug her again, squeezing her every so often, enough that soojin can’t concentrate fully. soojin can’t even stop the smile from gracing her lips this time and instead sighs, “you’re not going to stop squeezing until i dance are you?”
“nope!”
she breathes in deeply, already knowing she’ll regret it “fine.”
“yes!” shuhua cheers, wiggling a little and it’s so her that soojin can’t even be mad.
“but only one dance!”
she doesn’t end up regretting it. in fact, it’s a fond memory that she knows she’s going to look back on and even now when she thinks about it, soojin’s stomach twists and her heart starts to pound.
she thinks there’s something special in the way her hands naturally fell to shuhua’s waist and how easy it felt to let loose with her. or maybe it was in the way she couldn’t stop smiling whenever she saw how bright and happy shuhua looked, because she had succeeded in not just one dance, but several (nevermind that the soup overcooked a little, it was still the best meal she had eaten, especially after shuhua complimented it, which made soojin get embarrassed).
the first few days of promotions are always tiring as their bodies have to readjust all over again and this time is no different. they all get home with only the thought of going to sleep immediately on their minds.
soojin is so over it that by the time she’s in her room, all she wants to do is wrap herself in the covers and go to dream-land for the little time there is left before having to wake up again. she’s barely changed into pyjamas when shuhua ambles into her room.
“hey.” she grins at soojin who stares at her, dead on her feet.
“how do you still have energy.” she groans, “i feel like i got run over by a truck.”
“i noticed.” shuhua smiles and comes closer, brushing soojin’s hair out of the way and booping her nose, “i actually came here because i knew you’d be too tired to take your makeup off.”
soojin’s nose scrunches and she turns her head slightly, “you don’t have to, i’ll just take it off tomorrow.” shuhua’s face contorts into an expression of disgust and soojin giggles a little at it, “don’t be dramatic.”
shuhua tsks and sits the half-asleep soojin down on the bed before quickly grabbing some make-up wipes. she leans down, carefully and meticulously cleaning every inch of soojin’s face, who watches her warmly.
there’s a moment of hesitance when shuhua has just the red lipstick left to remove and her actions get even more delicate, slowly wiping away until she’s left with just her bare-face; no longer the dolled-up soojin.
finished, shuhua smiles at her brightly and hold’s soojin’s face in her hands, “there, as beautiful as always.” blushing, soojin wacks her arm and tries to ignore how soft shuhua’s hands feel as she links theirs together.
“do you want me to put on a mask for you as well?” shuhua asks quietly as they stare at each other and soojin shakes her head in the negative, the thought itself making her slump in exhaustion.
it feels comfortable being with shuhua like this, maybe even a little intimate and as soojin drags a giggling shuhua into bed with her, she thinks that if this is how she has to spend years of her life - she’ll always be at peace.
it clicks a few days later, after several other instances in which she did things for shuhua that she didn’t ever notice before, not until minnie pointed it out (how did soojin even miss the fact that she always had her blanket with her, because she knew shuhua constantly got cold and liked to cuddle with it. she didn’t even use it that often and yet it had become a habit to carry it around just in case shuhua needed it).
soojin’s sleeping when she feels the weight of another person in bed and the smell of peaches that slowly invades her senses. mind foggy from sleep, she only manages to mumble out a “what’s wrong?”
“couldn’t sleep.” she hears the whisper and soojin immediately wakes, noting the harried breaths and the way the words fall heavier than usual. it’s a subtle shift, but it doesn’t escape from her notice.
she opens her eyes, blinking a few times to adjust and waits until-
“were you crying?”
shuhua isn’t under the covers yet, so soojin holds them up and tugs at her until she’s snug up against her. with the added closeness, she sees the dried tear marks and tired expression. she cups shuhua’s cheeks, wiping the tears away and asks again, “what’s wrong?”
shuhua smiles slightly, as if trying to pretend that everything is okay, but thinks better of it and instead utters, “had a nightmare that’s all.”
sometimes soojin thinks that there’s nothing worse than not being able to protect someone from their dreams. in real life she can actively work against it, but she can’t save shuhua from nightmares and there is a sting in her chest at that thought. nightmares aren’t so easily solved and the times shuhua does get them, they always seem to hurt.
she’s not good with words and has always felt awkward when comforting other people, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t try, especially for shuhua.
“do you... want to talk about it?” she tries to ask and wraps an arm around shuhua, thumb caressing her back in the way she usually does.
“not really.” for as much as shuhua loved to speak, she never really said much about herself and this time was no different. she had always been talented at speaking without giving anything of substance away, something that aggravated soojin to no end.
instead of pointing that out and starting something, soojin hums, “do you want to sleep with me then?”
shuhua nods and gets herself as close to soojin as possible. it was warm already when she was alone and although soojin knows it will get even more uncomfortable after, she doesn’t say anything and lets the younger girl cling. it’s the least she can do.
she stays up as long as possible, even though her eyes are heavy and only nods off after shuhua’s breathing evens out, similar to how it was when she was sleeping deeply.
if later in the night shuhua shakes and whimpers, soojin doesn’t mention it and instead holds her tighter, pressing a kiss to her forehead as a reminder that she isn’t alone.
eventually it adds up. she’s in the middle of talking to the manager when she realises and stutters over the next few words, before quickly finishing the conversation and running away. it’s dumb. it’s so dumb. she’s dumb.
she really wants to hit her head against something and scream at the clouds.