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The first night was a week after the battle at Gronder Field.
After he lost another person dear to him, Dimitri expected Rodrigue’s voice to join the other’s that haunted him. Rodrigue would join his father, stepmother and his own son Glenn along with many others. Even Dedue’s voice was among them and it wasn’t until he saw Dedue in the flesh that it started to quiet before it vanished. But he saw Rodrigue die before him, watched him take his last breath, watched as the dirt was piled over his lifeless body. He knew for certain that he would not return. Dimitri waited for Rodrigue’s voice to begin mocking him like they did, for his eyes to watch his every move and judge his every decision, and yet after that first week he did not hear his voice nor did he feel another cold stare. His parents and Glenn, they all appeared to him soon after their deaths with bodies beyond recognition and voices lacking the warmth he remembered. Their voices were the first he heard when he returned to Fhirdiad just a couple days after the Tragedy of Duscur.
It was because of him that Rodrigue died, if he had been more attentive he would have noticed that girl’s attack. An attack so small compared to larger ones he’d endured over the years. It was truly pathetic that he didn’t act quicker, that he couldn’t smell that rat when he first allowed her to do what she wished in their army, or perhaps he did see it but chose to ignore it. The girl’s eyes maddeningly seeking revenge burned in his mind. The look in her eyes mirroring the way his own had been or rather, still might be. Whatever the case, knowing he couldn’t save anyone felt like just another weight on his chest. Was this why he fought for the dead? Because he couldn’t keep them among the living?
When he was younger he thought it up to him not being strong enough but now, he was known as the one-eyed demon to Imperial soldiers and still he couldn’t save the ones closest to him. A sad excuse of a prince.
Along with an added voice, Dimitri also expected another night filled with nightmares, nightmares so horrifying he couldn’t stay asleep for more than a couple hours. It was why he had stayed in the cathedral, to calm the voices of the dead or drown them out with the winds that howled through the damaged walls. Going to the cathedral also helped in calming himself but try as he might to return there that night, his professor, Gilbert, everyone he came across, urged him to return to his quarters and rest. Whenever this would happen, all he’d be able to do was suffer quietly as the voices grew louder around him.
Tonight was one of those rare nights he was truly exhausted however, after sleepless nights and countless battles, his body finally succumbed to sleep.
His dream started in a field with Rodrigue in sight but instead of a disfigured body, he was whole and smiling. Instead of the pouring rain that fell that day, the sun shone brightly it was almost blinding.
“Your life is your own.” The man told him, giving him a final smile before turning his back to the prince. A thick fog suddenly surrounding them both, hiding the man from his sight.
“Rodrigue?” Dimitri asked, but when he couldn’t hear his own voice, he rushed towards the man. Vainly he ran towards him with his arm outstretched hoping to make contact, wishing to clearly see the man he thought of as a father. To know he was truly there.
“Live for what you believe in.”
The voice was completely different, the fog starting to lift just as quickly as it appeared and when he finally reached the silhouette, it was his professor that he found instead of Rodrigue.
She offered her hand just like she had that day. Her face expressionless as always and yet he could see the small pleading look in her eyes, a hopeful look. He took her hand all the same, a sudden warmth filling his body.
Dimitri’s eye opened immediately, the sensation causing him to wake. This time however he wasn’t soaked in sweat nor was he gasping for air, his heartbeat was even and the room silent for the first time in weeks.
The warm feeling lingered and he felt the corners of his lips tugging lightly as he glanced at the moonlit ceiling from his room in the monastery.
His professor, what a strange feeling she had given him.
Guilt suddenly overtook him, she had been trying so hard to help him these last few months only for him to dismiss her completely. The sadness in her eyes when she spoke to him then fresh in his mind. He’d spout such terrible things at her and to everyone else. He knew he was getting better, though he doubted he would ever recover completely; yet still he distanced himself from everyone, wishing to keep everyone comfortable in his presence. Even now he kindly declined her invitations to tea, meals and other activities thinking he didn’t deserve her time at all after what he had said and done.
With each night came morning, another day to start anew and he will begin to right his wrongs. He would speak with everyone, ask for their forgiveness and if his professor was willing, he would want nothing more than to amend for his actions. He could only hope she would accept his invitation for tea or even to train.
Closing his eye once again, he was able to sleep through the night.
It then happened again the month after when they had recaptured Fhirdiad. Their troops stayed in the capital for the first week of the Garland Moon, there was work to be done from removing Cornelia’s underlings and disposing of her remaining Imperial factions to other much less thrilling work. Meetings with lords, both who turned their back on Faerghus and who through all the chaos remained loyal. Talks of starting reconstructions in Faerghus also began along with discussions of moving Kingdom knights taken by the Dukedom into their army as well as the occasional battle plan against barbarians and brigands causing trouble in the city’s outskirts after the hard battle against the Dukedom.
They couldn’t stay much longer however, Claude had sent them a message asking for aid right as they recaptured Fhirdiad and although marching from the capital to Derdriu would be a quicker route, it also meant traversing through the Valley of Torment once again.
Their time before and during that dreadful battle had lowered their group’s morale tremendously and even after the battle in Aillel; it was a memory better left behind. The Valley of Torment was also highly unstable. If their men didn’t fall from the heat, the land itself was sure to take them. He wouldn’t make such an unwise decision as to march them through there again. He would do all he can to keep his numbers strong, to keep the people of his army safe.
Meetings upon meetings had drained Dimitri that day. He had little to no time for himself or his friends and although he saw his professor for most of the day during said meetings, she felt too far from him to reach.
After last month they began to see one another for tea or to train, he didn’t think he’d miss such simple activities as much as he did; anything to help them unwind from the tiring days always helped calm him.
That day they were unable to speak to each other clearly, the two of them pulled together and then apart by the people around them. By the time he was allowed to breathe, it was nearing midnight and she would surely be asleep.
He returned to his room in the castle, it was his old room before the war but now every trace of him ever being there was gone. The dressers and wardrobes empty, the room looking like any other in the castle. Cornelia most likely disposing anything that belonged to him, it was a wonder paintings of past Blaiddyds and heirlooms still decorated the halls of the castle.
Dimitri wondered how everyone else fared in their rooms. Dedue took the one closest to his, just as when they were younger. Felix, Sylvain and Ingrid, having been in the castle before, easily made themselves at home.
Home, was the castle his home? He knew it was, it’d been his home for years but now it felt empty. Like a husk left behind.
If-once the war was over and everyone left to their territories, he would truly be alone in the castle. But he missed Faerghus while he was on the run, and Faerghus wasn’t the same during those five years. Even if the castle stayed empty, he would do what he can for his people for they are the heart of their country, he owed them that much and more.
As he readied for bed, the voices of the dead began to hiss horrid things. He’d heard such words before and because of it, was able to ignore it all. They didn’t grow louder nor did he feel their presence outside of their voices, they were being oddly tame tonight.
After he closed his eye, he was in the balcony once again. A thunderous cheer coming from the people outside the castle. Their faces with smiles and their hands clapping in applause.
“Don’t cry, Dimitri. This a happy time.”
That voice, turning to the side he found his professor standing behind him, a tinge of worry in her otherwise unexpressive gaze.
Sure enough he felt the warm tears that ran down his face, the tears beginning to blur his vision.
Her presence alone brought him great comfort, the applause of the citizens silencing to nothingness and the two became the only ones on the balcony. His professor the only one in sight.
“These are happy tears my friend.”
Dimitri didn’t anticipate her next move, this time she moved closer to him until she stood right in front of him. She raised her hand towards him and slowed when she watched Dimitri’s body tense and lean back, she continued cautiously until she softly cupped the side of his face, her thumb gently wiping the tears away.
He couldn’t feel her hand exactly, he only felt a light pressure, the drying tears and a yearning to be able to feel her touch.
And then she smiled, small but beautiful. The smile similar to the one he’d seen on her when they rescued Flayn, when they won the Battle of the Eagle and Lion and their feast right after when they returned to the Monastery.
He had told her after that battle, and it still rang true five years later, he loved seeing her like this. With such a mesmerizing smile.
“Welcome home.”
Dimitri awoke once again with a warmth in his chest. Running a hand over his wounded eye, he felt a streak of dried tears. Tears, just like in his dreams and when he moved it towards the other, it was bereft of any, as if someone had wiped the tears away.
“Thank you for guiding me back to the light.” He breathed out.
His thoughts ran rampant and the clear subject on his mind was his Professor. The way she, without hesitation, rushed into battle to help them just as they met. How calm she was as she spoke to all of the Blue Lions when she first arrived at the monastery and when she announced her decision to teach their house.
They shifted to when they were given those missions, he knew how hard it was for Ashe and later on how conflicting it was for Sylvain, and yet their professor was always their to support them in any way she was able too. The way she helped their class during hard battles like the battle at the mausoleum, or when they rescued Flayn and even during the battle at Garreg Mach, knowing their strengths and weaknesses and how to work with them, something she still does in this war, was inspiring. She was a true leader, one he could only hope to emulate.
Sighing, he turned to his side trying to return to sleep but not only were his thoughts keeping him awake, his wounds were now becoming painful.
Wounds long since healed began to buzz with a burning sensation preventing him from relaxing. Dimitri decided it was best to use this time training if his body was now fully awake. The moon outside indicated the time to be a couple hours past midnight but not yet close to sunrise, not terribly late and their next battle wouldn’t be for another few weeks. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d have little sleep at night.
Not bothering to put on his armor and taking only his cape, he left the spacious room, guards standing at attention whenever he passed. He was thankful to find the training grounds empty.
Taking a training lance, he began to thrust and swipe around him, hitting nearby dummies and targets. The only sound being his breathing and whir of his lance.
He didn’t know how long he’d been outside when, “What are you doing?”
Turning, he found his professor just a few steps behind him.
“Sleep evades me, so I thought I’d get in some extra training. I was just about to finish.” He says as he returns the lance to its place.
Noticing the worried look in her eyes, Dimitri began to tell her about his stinging wounds and after seeing her confusion he continued further, telling his professor of how he received them. The girl that attacked him, the incident at the monastery and who he believed the culprits were. The same children who’d begged him to teach them to fight when he was a student, children he saw himself in and who used their skills against him.
He didn’t fault them, he only thought it natural that someone would retaliate after all he had done.
“Because I hated, because I stole, and... because I killed. But with those children, it’s different... We drew our blades with the best of intentions, only to hurt them in the end. I suppose this is yet another thing we will just have to live with.”
“I feel the same way.” She added, her head downcast in thought.
“Yes... As one who chose to fight, it is my responsibility to confront this anguish and the true nature of war... Until the day my life comes to an end.” He ended softly, his hands clenching at his sides.
When Dimitri felt a hand on his covered shoulder he let out a gasp, “We can confront it together.” She told him firmly.
“Thank you. You know, professor... There is something that I only recently realized. I never knew it could be so... comforting to have someone standing by my side.”
Dimitri couldn’t have known what saying those words to his professor would do to him.
These... dreams, they became frequent. Even more so after the battle in Derdriu, it went from once every moon to twice, then once a week until now which was one every other night. Each different and all filling him with something he thought long gone, hope.
It had gone on for many nights that despite these dreams disrupting his sleep, Dimitri was happy to have them. He felt calm and rested for the first times in years even if it was in the midst of a war.
Such lovely scenes his mind would now conjure up through the moons. Each brighter than the last as they emerged victorious from their battles, they didn’t have to be elaborate, some were as simple as seeing his friends happy, all of them eating together in a garden or in the dinning hall making jokes and laughing.
In others, he was in the Kingdom and his people’s expressions were free of fear and defeat he had seen in them before, children running around happily and carefree after years of being unable to do so.
And more often than not, his dreams focused on his professor.
In one, they enjoyed tea with one another, watching the sun set from the star terrace. In another they were alone in the training grounds, their breaths growing ragged and the two with grins on their faces. There bodies growing close despite the blunt steel between them until his eye opened once more and again he was in his room at the monastery. All these dreams keeping him awake longer than he’d like to admit. But just like the others he enjoyed these dreams, they were even his favorite. It made him feel human again.
But those dreams have yet to make his heart skip like the one he had recently dreamt, he’d walk through the kingdom capital in a parade of sorts. Everyone there behind him as he led the march, all except one.
His professor always stood by his side smiling and when they paused she turned to him, a bright smile on her face as her hands found his own and her body leaned towards him, her features growing closer and those mesmerizing light green eyes slowly closing. And then he’d wake.
The dream left his own face heated and his heart pounding. It was only when he dreamt of her that he felt this way and he began to notice it too while he was awake. Whenever the two were together, his heart would soar and when they had to go their separate ways, he only wished to follow her and not leave her side.
Even now as she listened of his plans to speak to Edelgard once they reached the Imperial capital did she stand by him. The evening sun draping a warm glow throughout the cathedral.
“As to whether or not she will agree to my request. Well, that rests solely on Edelgard.”
“I’m certain she will agree.” She told him with a tone of optimism in her voice that would most likely pass unnoticed to others.
It caused him to smile, knowing he knew her well enough now that he could notice these small changes in his dear professor.
“I would like to believe that as well. You know, Professor... When we fought in Fhirdiad, Cornelia mocked me and called me pitiful. But even if it is true that my stepmother never loved me, I am not one to be pitied. After all, I have allies and dear friends who care for me. And now, I also have you by my side.”
Dimitri swore he saw a light flush on her cheeks and the way her brows twitched slightly upwards at his words.
She opened her mouth as if say something but was called away by a knight who informed her of Seteth wishing to speak with her.
Before they set out for their march towards the Imperial capital a few days later, he found her in front of her parent’s grave. He remembered the day Jeralt was buried there, remembered learning that his professor’s mother was also laid to rest in the same humble grave. He wished she found comfort in seeing them just as he had when he left flowers for his own.
Dimitri wished to walk down those steps that separated the two and offer a shoulder to lean on should she need it. But with Gilbert beside him and an impeding battle ahead, he wasn’t allowed time to join her.
The nights that followed were ever changing like the tides. In some, dreams kept him asleep with only a small period of wakefulness in between and in other nights, the nightmares began to plague him once more and the closer they reached the Imperial capital, the more horrific they became. Fields of red as far as the eye can see and winds howling deafeningly with cries of pain. He would writhe in pain from the phantom wounds he’d recieve in these nightmares. Dimitri could feel himself grow short tempered in the days that followed, the lack of sleep starting to effect him once again. How many training lances, quills, chairs did he break until Gilbert had told him to rest?
The voices of the dead drowning out those around him until she would arrived to save him all over again.
His professor’s soft touch to his gloved hand, his arms, shoulders, those small moments between them were able to bring him back but they weren’t enough, he felt he needed more and Dimitri was unsure why. And it wasn’t until the night before their battle in Enbarr, after his failed talk with Edelgard, when he discovered the reason.
He was in the streets of Fhirdiad, the cobblestone streets painted red, flags of the same color flying in the cold winds. Instead of light snow, it was embers and ash that fell from the sky.
He felt himself struggle to breathe, his knees on the stone below and hands grasping onto the hero relic Areadbhar.
“My dear forgotten friend, had you laid down your lance, this destruction could have been avoided.”
His eye roamed upward, Edelgard standing above him, her axe Aymr pointed towards him, dripping with blood.
“Dimitri!” A voice called out.
“We can still win this!” The voice says ardently. He turns his head, looking for it’s source. His professor appears behind him, a waiting hand outstretched towards him, eyes pleading. Silently he takes it, they hold onto each other tightly and then the world goes white.
He wakes to the morning sun, a plush bed beneath him. Confused, he looks around him. He’s in the castle and there is a calmness in the air. No guard by his door to report of incoming meetings or battle preparations when he leaves the room. He is instead greeted calmly by the guards and servants alike. Dimitri walks peacefully throughout the castle until a feeling beckons him to the gardens.
There, sitting on a blanket in the middle of a patch of grass is Byleth in a simple white and blue dress, gazing at the small pond a few feet away.
Hearing his footsteps, she lifts her head and when her eyes meets his, she smiles warmly. Without a word, she pats the space next to her. Dimitri obliges her request, sitting beside her, the two enjoying the birdsong and warmth of the morning sun.
Byleth moves closer to him, her head resting on his shoulder and when he looks at her, her eyes are closed and a small smile graces her lips, a soft sigh escaping her. She looks more at peace then he has ever seen her and it makes his heart swell.
Without realizing it, his hand finds hers and to his surprise, she chuckles softly as she gives him a gentle squeeze once she intertwines their fingers.
This is all he can hope for, peace for his Kingdom and a loved one by his side.
“Are you comfortable, my belo-”
Dimitri wakes with a gasp.
A loved one...
Once again he is in a tent, his armor and lance close by and if he listened carefully, he can hear the steps of a patrolling guard nearby. They are still at war but this war is nearly over.
And then what?
Flashes of his professor fill his mind. He’d love to see her smile the way she did in his dreams. To simply enjoy life with each other. To be together forever as he wished in the goddess tower all those years ago. A wish he quickly passed off as a joke when he saw her expressionless gaze and quickly regretted soon after when she told him she didn’t think it to be one.
Could they really make it a reality and spend the rest of their days together? Would she accept someone as broken as he? After what he’d said and done, could someone really love him?
He pulled out the dagger with a groan, the bloodied blade falling to the ground.
It was over. The Emperor of the Adrestian Empire, Edelgard von Hresvelg had fallen. Her body left by her throne as he and his professor walked away.
He didn’t wish for this to end the way it did. They were family, the only family they had left, even if not by blood he still thought of her as such. He reminisced of their time together as children, their time at the monastery and even their encounters throughout the war. Why did this have to happen?
They stop, the castle doors opening with the sun’s light shining through.
He turned back, for what he did not know, he was ready to walk back towards Edelgard until a hand firmly held his own.
His professor stopped him, her brows furrowed and eyes filled with saddness.
She turned towards the doors, her hands still on his in a silent request for him to follow, and he did.
Their army cheered and to his surprise, so did civilians that now flooded the streets.
Despite the tough battles they couldn’t linger to celebrate their victory and marched again to Garreg Mach. They didn’t know if it was safe for them to stay in the Empire just yet either and instead they left some of their army behind to keep watch.
When they reached the monastery with Lady Rhea and their banners flying high, the people knew immediately who had emerged victorious.
He and Byleth had stayed close to each other during the march to the monastery, once they arrived she excused herself and left with Seteth and Flayn to take Lady Rhea to her quarters.
That night, news got out that Rhea had made Byleth the new Archbishop.
Preparations for a celebration were well underway by those who lived in the monastery. The newly crowned king and newly appointed archbishop ended the five year war and brought peace to Fódlan, but the festivities would have to wait until the following day, it was late and the victors were all exhausted and wounded.
Dimitri also wished for time to clear his head and left to the cathedral.
Walking through the monastery, the small box he carried felt like a new weight on his shoulders, it didn’t cause him dread like the thought of leading an army into battle, but instead left him nervous and hopeful. Ever since their victory in Fhirdiad he carried it with him. A box with a beautiful ring of emerald and silver that his father had given his birth mother, a jewel Gilbert had thankfully taken and hidden away before Cornelia took control of the castle. The ring reminding him so much of his professor, it must have been fate.
All he had to do now was ask for her hand, the only issue being when and where. From what he had heard from Sylvain, this was something one must think about before asking for one’s hand. And as if the goddess herself heard his thoughts, he saw his professor make her way through the cathedral. Once he crossed the bridge to go inside the building, he watched as she entered the goddess tower and without thinking he followed.
When he reached the top, he found her staring out the arched window.
“Come now, my friend.” She turned at his words. “You must stop staying up so late. You cannot sleep can you? Neither can I.”
“May I?” He asked before getting any closer than she was comfortable with. When she nodded, he voiced his thanks before standing next to her, his eye on the shimmering sky above them.
“It is a lovely night, is it not?” He sighed. “How many years has it been since I was kept awake by hopes for the future, rather than by nightmares of the past...”
“Nightmares?” His professor asked quietly, giving him her full attention.
“I have had the same nightmare for nine long years. A nightmare in which I am constantly tormented by those who have died.” Their spiteful comments, his atrocious actions in trying to appease them only for it to be meaningless, only for their voices to grow louder, he told her this as well.
“I am certain I will be hearing them until the day I die. But I will not cover my ears. I will go on living... and their voices will serve as a warning. I wish to change this world in my own way and build a Kingdom where the people can live in peace.”
“You know,” he then added, “I see a peaceful Kingdom in my dreams. The citizens free of fear, our friends happier than ever. I want to see it become a reality.” Although Dimitri wished to thank her for all she’s done, in his dreams and while awake, he held his tongue so as to not cause her discomfort.
He sighed, “Well, Your Grace, things will be busy from now on. Our first order of business is tomorrow’s coronation. Once a professor and student... Now an Archbishop and a King. How very far we have come.”
Byleth shook her head and smiled. “Only our titles have changed.”
“That is true. To me, you will always be the one who guided me so kindly. My ally through all.” Dimitri felt his heart beat faster, “My beloved... Yes... My beloved.”
He didn’t miss how quickly her smile faded when he said those words.
“Dimitri.” She responded quietly.
“Listen...” He added quickly, hoping to voice his thoughts before it was too late. “There is something I wish to give you before the coronation. Give me your hand.”
She did as he asked and he placed the silver ring on her palm.
He waited in anticipation but still she said nothing, silently staring at the ring, “Please... I beg of you. Say something! If you do not wish to accept it, please just tell me. If so, I will face the truth and walk away.”
“That is not it at all.” She finally said with a light chuckle, she reached into her pocket and showed him a ring of her own. A silver band with intricate carvings and purple gemstones.
“What is this?” He asked, a slight fear in the back of his head that someone else had proposed to her.
“I love you, Dimitri. Marry me.”
Her smile was so bright and her tone so gentle, he was at a loss for words. She loved him! She wanted to marry him!
“Yes, I see.” He finally said. “Right. In that case, let us exchange them, shall we?”
She waited until he removed his gauntlets before returning the ring he gave her, holding her left hand out for him to take. He delicately placed the ring on her finger and waited for her to do the same to him. His smile never fading.
She said yes, he was the happiest man alive. If he deserved it or not he didn’t care, for once he was glad to be selfish, he was happy to have Byleth’s hand.
“Your hands... Now that I hold them within my own, I see how small and fragile they are. These hands that have saved me countless times... Thank you, my beloved. Your kind, warm hands... May they cling to my own forevermore...”