Archive of Our Own

Shellshock

I clutched my mobile phone hard in my hand. No it couldn't be, I simply refused to believe it.

"Are you okay"? A masculine voice with an Australian accent pulled me out of my reverie. My head snapped up and I plastered on a huge smile: "Yeah totally, why wouldn't I be"?

My boyfriend of six months seemed taken aback by my raised voice and the huge smile. His eyebrows came together in a slight frown and he watched me for a second longer before looking away.

"You seemed... kind of stressed, that's all".

I toned down my smile before it became a grimace.

"Liam" he turned to face me. I reached out and fixed his tie. He could never do it right. My hand on his throat seemed to reassure him and he smiled. Done with his tie, I leaned back and said:

"I'm fine, it's just my first Hollywood party is all".

He grasped my hand tenderly, and kissed it, watching my face.

"It's no big deal Charlotte, you'll be fine".

"See, it's no big deal, I told you I was really okay".

Liam put my hand down on his knee and he looked out of the car window.

Seeing his distraction, I glanced back at my phone.

The number read :Ben

The words: "I did it just like you said. She loved it".

Those two sentences had ruined what should have been a perfect day.

My career was finally where I wanted it to be: I'd just wrapped up a play and a movie that was generating Oscar buzz . I was due to start filming another in just a week and I was on the cover of bloody Marie Claire magazine in three countries. This was the first time Liam had been on a break long enough from set to come and spend time with me. I glanced across at Liam and he was still looking out the window, this was his first time in New York in several months and he was still seemingly appreciating it.

I watched his profile half in awe and half in guilt, Liam was dazzling, over six foot tall, with broad shoulders, chestnut brown hair and eyes that could smoulder at you from across the room. He was absolutely gorgeous, not to mention possibly the best boyfriend anyone could have ( I still got daggers from a certain pixie cut , tongue wagging pop star every time Liam and I would go to an event) and yet I still felt my phone burning a hole on my lap.

The car stopped and letting go of Liam's hand, I stared at my phone for one last time. Feeling Liam's gaze on me, I reluctantly put it away and smiled. This time I put my hand in his and said : "Let's go".

I saw the cameras flash and I closed my eyes reflexively. I could never get used to this. The noise of distant cars (it was still new York) mingled in with the sound of camera flashes and catcalls from photographers flooded my senses. I somehow made it out of the car (mostly with Liam's help) and smoothed my hands down my dress and I smiled up at Liam.

"Let's do this".

Several Hours Later

I was tipsy from the sweet champagne that hadn't stopped flowing since we'd arrived hours before. I was giggling uncontrollably, dancing with Liam. The music was blaring loud and everyone around us was either talking or trying to dance without falling over any of the expensive furniture. I had almost been able to forget all my troubles, or so I thought. I had left Liam to find the toilet when I saw him.

He was standing amongst a group of Hollywood heavy weights that would probably make his career but he didn't seem to care. He was staring at me unabashedly and I was so shocked that I stopped mid step. This wasn't meant to happen, he had told me that he wasn't coming tonight. He was still on set for two more days! He was still supposed to be in that small obscure town in Atlanta, he wasn't meant to be looking all old Hollywood glamour in some skin tight tuxedo in bloody New York. My mouth was half gaping open in shock, my eyes wide with surprise for possibly ten seconds before I realised that I was acting like an idiot. I smiled and waved at him and had started to walk once again when I saw him utter a parting sentence and smile to the group and make his way towards me. My smile froze for a nanosecond.

Shit. I thought. He was coming right this way. If I kept walking he would know that something was most definitely up and would probably accost me later. Best face it now I thought. I stood still, waiting for him to get closer. I saw him grab two champagne flutes from a passing waiter and he was upon me.

"Hello, surprised to see me'? He was smiling that heart stopping half smile, the bass timbre of his voice causing my insides to clench. It had only been 48 hours since I'd heard his British accent last and I had to admit that I had missed it.

He handed me a champagne flute and I immediately took a swig, stalling for time.

"Yes"! "Why didn't you tell me you were coming"? "I thought you had more days left on set"!

"I did technically but Guy decided that what I'd shot was good enough so they let me go, I just flew in a few hours ago".

"You must be exhausted , you should be sleeping after what Guy put us through"!

While I was being honest that our director should have been shot for the numerous takes of painstaking choreography that Ben and I had had to endure, I was still glad he was here, bad news or not.

" Yes well, I thought I can sleep anytime and I wanted to talk about last night in detail".

My smile froze again and I took a swig of champagne, finishing it. Oh why now?

"Of course, how did it go"?

He winked at me.

"Just like you said it would, I put the ring on a chain in her jewellery box last weekend while I was visiting and Sophie found it last night, she called me absolutely ecstatic , yelling yes in my ear over and over again" He grimaced good naturedly.

I gritted my teeth and laughed probably the fakest and most forced laugh/ wheeze in the history of all laughs.

"Yes, I told you it was a genius idea, all women love things like that, of course she said yes. No woman in her right mind would say no" and quickly before my nerve failed me I patted him on the shoulder and said "I believe congratulations are in order".

He beamed down at me.

"None of this would have happened if not for you, no, I also just came to thank you".

I put on (once again) that fake smile I seemed unable to take off and muttered under my breath, "rub it in will you".

He leaned in close.

"Huh, did you say something'?

Shit. What was wrong with me today? I recovered.

"N-I mean yes, I just wanted to say that it was all you, I just...pointed you in the right direction is all".

"Nonsense" he took my hand in his and looked down at me with his blue eyes, so unlike Liam's but even more thrilling to me and continued "don't ever imagine that you haven't been a great friend to me Charlotte, you made those days on set bearable and I won't forget this. Ever".

I watched his lips move, that full upper lip that I had bitten so many times in the past few weeks in our love scenes. I felt heat shoot through my body and I shook my head to clear it.

"I -yeah , that means a lot Benedict, we'll keep in touch of course".

He nodded. "I mean it".

I nodded and he frowned down at me with an inscrutable emotion on his face.

"Is that all"?

"Um no" I giggled stupidly " I uh, actually have to find the loo".

He leaned back, he seemed somehow disappointed.

"It's that way" He nodded to his left and he held his hand out to take my empty flute.

I almost laughed again, it was so like him to remain the gentleman.

"I'll see you in a bit then, yeah"?

He nodded and before I could walk past him, he stopped me again.

"Make sure you find me before you leave, I wanted to congratulate Liam on his movie. I hear it's doing well".

Oh yes, Liam, my boyfriend. I'd almost forgotten. I nodded and kept walking. I felt his eyes on me as I found my way to the toilets, I held it all in before I collapsed in the empty spotless marble bathroom.

I clutched my sides, I started breathing loudly. I felt my head spin, I was going to be sick.

A few minutes later, I sat on the lid of the toilet. I was fanning myself with my hand.

"What are you thinking, you stupid girl"? I muttered.

I wanted to slap myself for almost having a panic attack over a man who was happily engaged! Hell he'd asked me for advice and trusted my word with one of the most important events of his life. Hell I had a boyfriend who was probably better suited to me than a man several years older and who had been taken almost the entire time I'd known him.

I was no Angelina, I couldn't take a man from a woman as kind as Sophie was. They were the perfect couple and yet? I was still glad Sophie wasn't here, that would have been too much to bear, I most certainly would have imploded.

I stood up and took a few breaths. I needed to go, Liam was probably worried about me. I was an actor, so why was it so hard to pretend for a few more hours that I really was happy for Benedict?

I had almost everything I'd wanted-at least I'd gotten to work with him. When I'd still been in acting school, I'd idolised him in Atonement, Small Island, Sherlock and Parade's End. I'd gotten to watch him work in close proximity for months on end, hell, he'd even complimented me more than once on my acting. Who else got to be complimented by their idol? Who else was personally tutored by their greatest champion?

I kept chanting this in my head as a mantra while I walked back to Liam. He had that crease in between his eyebrows that let me know that he was becoming impatient. He relaxed and got up to meet me.

"What took you so long? I was starting to worry".

He pulled me to his chest without waiting for an answer and kissed the top of my head.

"Nothing, I was just talking to...some people on the way". He pulled away and looked at me at arm's length. "Really? Who"?

Shit. He was definitely a little on edge.

"Uh Ben..edict, he was here".

I stopped one second short of calling him by the nickname that I knew irked Liam deep down but he would never say because he knew that Benedict was my idol.

"I thought you said he was still on set today"?

I smiled. "Yeah so did I but the directors let him go early".

"Huh". He seemed to mull over my words before continuing.

"You know it's getting kind of late and I just wanted to tell you that I have to go".

"Shit, yeah you have an early table read tomorrow, I forgot".

I nodded in agreement.

"Yeah you should go".

He took my hand and tilted his head to the left. He wanted us to be alone. He started walking and I trailed behind him.

When we reached a mostly deserted area, he pulled me close, tucking my head under his chin. He trailed his fingers down the buttons on the back of my dress. I shivered involuntarily. I looked up at him and his eyes stared smokily down at me. He leaned down and brushed his lips on mine.

"You know you could always come back to the hotel with me, leave your hotel room empty for a night". His voice was husky and his hand was trailing lower and lower. Any other night I might have said yes just to avoid my twisted feelings about Ben but not today. I thought of an excuse.

"Liam, you have to be up early. I don't want to distract you".

"It's never stopped you before".

He leaned down and kissed me fully. I closed my eyes and went with it. When we parted he half smiled that devastating smile of his.

"Have it your way, we'll talk tomorrow".

I almost sighed in relief.

"Yes, you have to let me know how it goes, yeah"?

He nodded, I knew he wouldn't push it but his expression seemed wary.

I had to act more like the caring girlfriend so I got onto my toes and kissed his cheek.

"You take my car, I'll get another one okay"?

"Thanks, are you sure you'll be right to get back to your hotel"?

"Yeah I'll get them to call me another, I'm sure reception won't mind".

"Okay then, good night".

"Goodnight and good luck on tomorrow".

He nodded and turned to leave. I watched him leave a little troubled. God I'd never deserve him.

As soon as I couldn't see him anymore, I did exactly what I said I would and called for another car. I couldn't risk bumping into Ben and letting him see how unhappy I was about his engagement, I was too tired.

Fifteen minutes later

I was sitting in the darkened hire car watching all the other cars around us move while we were absolutely still. This was the curse of calling a car this late at an event like this, I had really been a good girlfriend when I let Liam take my car or he would have been waiting all night to just get out of the parking lot. The slight buzz I'd had from the champagne was quickly fizzling out, leaving me to feel the full extent of the pain in my heart and the discomfort of my stilettos.

My phone buzzed-Ben was calling me. He was probably wondering where I was, he was probably about to leave and was ringing me to remind me. Ever the gentleman. I let it ring out, I couldn't pretend anymore. I'd had enough of Sophie for one night.

My phone stopped ringing and I felt guilty. I was being a terrible friend but I couldn't help it.

I opened up the text messages on my phone, looking for the one that had ruined everything.

"I did it just like you said. She loved it".

I hardened my heart. Ben would be fine, I'm sure he would remember Sophie's elation and forget all about me.

I heard the driver get a call on his hands free car phone.

"Uh sir I do have a client, I am currently chauffeuring her off the premises".

I heard the driver repeatedly say yes sir and no sir before ringing off.

I had just been about to tune out when the drivers voice addressed me.

"Um Miss"?

I leaned forward. What now, we'd been stuck here for almost twenty minutes now.

"Yes"?

"Apparently there's been a mistake, your car is the one behind this one".

"Are you serious"?

"I'm sorry Miss".

I'd had enough of this night and so too tired to argue, I opened the door of the car and got out.

I closed the door and walked back to the car directly behind the one I'd just gotten out of. The driver nodded at me and so I opened the back door of the car and got in without thinking.

Without realising that Benedict was in the car.

He smiled at me.

This night couldn't get any worse.

"Hello Charlotte". He was smiling pleasantly but I could see some annoyance in his eyes.

"Hi Ben, I'm surprised to see you here".

"Yeah I figured since you'd been avoiding me all night I'd have to be more creative in the way I got to see you".

My head snapped up at that. How much did he know? I laughed that same phoney laugh again.

"I'm not avoiding you, why would I"?

He shrugged at me and instead of answering, he leaned forward and pressed the button to close the partition between the driver and us.

Shit was going to hit the fan.

"Charlotte, cut the act-I don't think you're even buying what you've been trying to sell me all night".

I remained silent, too scared to say anything.

"You know, you had no intention of saying goodbye tonight, did you"? I could hear the annoyance coming out in his voice now.

I dared a glance at him but he wasn't looking at me. He was looking out of the window.

I dared to speak.

"Ben, why am I here"?

He looked back at me, his face serious.

"You're here so we can... straighten things out".

I was tempted to go back to fake Charlotte but I resisted, knowing that the game was up.

"There's nothing to straighten out, I just forgot to say goodbye is all".

He leaned closer.

"Surely Charlotte if there was nothing to straighten out, you wouldn't have been avoiding me, Liam wouldn't have left alone and I wouldn't have been insanely jealous watching you two together tonight".

I gasped shocked at his words and the thrill they had evoked in me. It was like I'd been doused in ice cold water.

"Ben, you can't say things like that"!

"It's the truth though, but you are right, we'll talk back at my hotel room".

My mouth still gaping open from his words, I leaned back into my seat in a shocked silence.

So that was where we were going.

"Are you sure that's a good idea"? I croaked.

"Come Charlotte, you know it's a terrible idea but what choice do we have"?

I'd clearly forgotten how Ben's observation skills are what made him an excellent actor and turned on to full capacity tonight, they had been my undoing. I had underestimated him and how well he knew me.

This night was going to be really interesting.

We sat there in silence, the hushed words of before hanging in the air -leaving behind a spark of electricity.

Not speaking when the car started moving, when it left the crowded parking lot and not even during the twenty minute drive back to his hotel. The silence continued on when we walked into the fancy lobby of the hotel he was staying in, my heels clacking on the marble floor (much nicer than the one I was staying in I must say) and even at worst in the elevator when a woman in her forties had exclaimed at what a wonderful couple we made. I had just smiled at her, relieved that Ben had been looking away.

We got to Ben's room, he opened the door for me and as he stayed behind to close it I stepped forward into the room, definitely much nicer than my dated hotel room, you could see all of New York from here. I put my purse and phone down on a table haphazardly as I walked towards the huge glass window.

"This is a really nice room, you can see all of New York from here".

My voice filled the awkwardness in the hotel-far higher than normal. I was babbling like a maniac.

I felt Ben moving around behind me, probably putting up his coat like he always did.

I looked out at the skyline, afraid of the night that was to come.

"You know, red really is your colour".

I jumped. He'd been so quiet for so long I had been a little lost in my thoughts.

I could feel him standing right behind me, his breath on my neck.

I had to suppress the urge to shiver.

He wasn't touching me but I could feel the heat coming off his body.

I felt my skin break out in goose bumps.

"Thank you" I looked down at my hands. I was embarrassed.

"It's true, the red satin hugs you in all the ways I wanted to tonight".

I felt heat crawl its way into my stomach, my heart was racing and my palms were sweating.

"Stop Benedict, please" I whispered. I couldn't hear anymore.

"Do you want me to stop"? "I guess that's why I knew I had to talk to you tonight, I had to make sure I was making the right decision".

"Please, we don't have to do this" I pleaded once more, as quiet as a mouse.

"Don't we"? "I guess that's why when I saw you in Liam's arms tonight, I became desperate, I was consumed by jealousy. I wanted to make you laugh that way, I wanted to dance with you, I wanted to touch you the way he does, I even wanted to kiss you that way".

I'd heard enough. I turned to face him.

"You saw that"?!

He smiled down at me.

"It's funny how temptation seems to follow you everywhere if you try to run away from it".

"Benedict, you're engaged now, this doesn't matter. You love Sophie, you proposed"! I was almost yelling at this point. He reached out to trail his hand down my bare arm till he found my hand. He brought it up to the side of his face.

"Don't you love Liam"?

"It's not the same, you and Sophie were serious when we met, I've only been dating him a few months".

I was begging him for a way out of a situation I didn't want to confront.

"You know, it was never my idea to get married. It was hers, my family, her family - they were all pushing and I thought I loved Sophie".

I couldn't breathe and yet I couldn't force my eyes away from his.

"You thought" I gasped out.

"Yes until I met you, everything changed that second day of filming. Remember, Guy insisted on shooting our love scenes early on"?

I nodded. How could I forget, I'd been terrified to kiss, let alone pretend to make love to my screen idol as every novice actor would be. Ben had been wonderful though, giving me pointers and making me as comfortable as possible, making me laugh in between takes,urging me to forget my embarrassment.

"I would leave set, and every night I wouldn't be able to sleep, I would be tossing and turning, unable to forget one of the crazy conversations we'd had at four am or your lips on mine".

I pulled away. I felt tears fill my eyes.

"Why did you propose then"?

He seemed dismayed that I'd put a distance between us once more.

"I thought that because you kept encouraging me to go for it that I was imagining all my feelings for you. I thought that I could forget you, but it seems I can't". He laughed dryly without any humour.

I shook my head, the tears spilling over my eyelids. Dammit I thought, why did I have to cry now? I needed to be strong, resolute like him. I tried again.

"But it makes no difference, you're with her and I'm with Liam".

My voice was thick from the tears.

"Oh no no Charlotte, don't cry". He grabbed hold of my shoulders and pulled me to his chest. I tried to fight it but I gave in and sobbed into his shirt. His familiar smell enveloped my senses, sharp and smoky, wonderfully masculine and totally Benedict.

"Don't you see, you can't do this to Sophie, I would be a horrible person to even suggest it."

"That's why you're not suggesting it, I am".

His voice sounded so reasonable, so deep, so calm, so reassuring but I just couldn't let go of what was bothering me.

"I can't do that to Liam, he's been so good to me".

He pulled me away from his chest and looked at me, his eyes seemed to glow in the semi darkness. His face was resolute.

"Charlotte, do you love me"?

I glanced away. I couldn't do this.

"I" I stammered hesitantly.

"Look at me".

I knew I was being immature but I shook my head. I couldn't look at him.

He put his hand under my chin, forcing my eyes up.

"Do. You.Love. Me?

I swallowed nervously, stalling for time.

I sniffled and took a deep breath. I wasn't going to lie to him or myself anymore.

"Yes, I do love you Benedict".

My insides seemed to melt when those words escaped my mouth.

He pulled me close to his chest once again.

We stood there in silence for a moment.

"Look at me Charlotte".

This time I obeyed. There was no going back now.

"I love you Charlotte, as much as I think you're too young for me, as much as I don't want to hurt Sophie, as much as my parents will be disappointed, I love you and I that won't change". He nodded his head as if to steady himself. He bent his head till our faces were a fraction from touching.

"God damn it all" he leaned in and kissed me.

For the first time that day, I let go and kissed him back. Forgetting all our problems, forgetting the high heels that were pinching my toes - forgetting it all. I felt heat flood my whole body, I couldn't stop kissing him. His hand slipped down to the small of my back as he pulled me closer. I gasped into his mouth, he groaned. I'd kissed Ben a million times on set but it had never been this heated, I had never lost myself before. His lips so soft before now seemed to press on mine with an urgency I'd never felt on set. I felt his tongue sweep across my bottom lip tentatively; I opened my mouth, and kissed him harder than before. Our tongues met in a frenzy, he pulled me even closer. I was dizzy from our kisses yet I didn't want to stop. It was Ben who drew back, pecking me on the lips. I kept my eyes closed; I felt his forehead touch mine.

Both our breathing was laboured, our chests heaving. I opened my eyes, and pulled away to look at him.

His face was flushed and his eyes were twinkling.

My face split into a grin and for the first time that day, I could say that it was genuine.

Extended Ending

I pulled off my dress and crawled into Benedict's bed in my underwear. I was totally exhausted. Ben and I had stayed up talking about anything and everything; we'd even watched the sun rise over the Hudson River together. It was only right, after the last few months all-nighters were our thing. He'd left only fifteen minutes before, he'd booked a flight back to London to "make things right" with Sophie as he'd put it and he was on the way to the airport right now.

He would be back as soon as possible but said that the room was paid up for the next week and I was free to go get my things from my hotel and stay here. Those words still made me feel ashamed (as happy as I was in Benedict's bed), I was sure I had ruined Sophie's life and in a few hours I would have to wreak more havoc in another's. I had texted Liam letting him know that I would stop by his hotel room around five. I somehow managed to sleep through the guilt and woke up around three refreshed. It was the best sleep I'd had in months.

I stretched and padded into the bathroom. I had a shower and called room service before realizing that I had absolutely nothing to wear but the dress I'd been leant the for the night before. I looked at it dismally. I had no desire to put it on again and besides, it would be a sure fire way to let Liam know that there was something wrong when I saw him in two hours.

I walked into Ben's closet and found it was well stocked with all sorts of expensive and ridiculously masculine stuff. It was like walking into the men's section of some upmarket department store and it was just his hotel room! I dreaded seeing what his actual closet looked like. Designer aftershave, correctly pressed dress pants, properly folded sweaters and shirts and an abundance of shoes so shiny I could see my reflection in them. As much as I appreciated nice clothing, my closet looked like a pigsty compared to this.

In the end I decided that since he had so many coats, it would work well doubled as a dress so I put it on straight over my underwear and put my heels (reluctantly) back on. I scraped my wet hair back into a bun, it would have to do till I got back to my hotel room. As much as I wanted to stay in the comfort of Ben's bed, I had to face the consequences of last night. I steeled myself and left the hotel room, my dress folded in a plastic bag under my arm.

I walked out of the fancy hotel lobby, full of people and noise unlike when we'd come back the night before.

The outside of the hotel was full of cabs and I managed to secure one fairly quickly and easily ( thank god because it was freezing). In no time I was back in my room, still in the chaotic mess of yesterday when everything had been so different. I took off the coat and searched for something of my own. I chose something plain-nothing too nice that would torture Liam-I settled on a white t-shirt, jeans and some ankle boots. I then packed up all my things back into my suitcase, and re made the bed.

I had just finished clearing the room up when I saw the time. I only had forty five minutes until I had to meet Liam. Shit I muttered. I still had to go back to Ben's before I saw him. I gave the now clean room one last sweep before going down to the lobby and checking out.

It was time to say goodbye to the old Charlotte.

I dropped off everything at Ben's only keeping my handbag and his extra warm coat, I didn't have anything as warm as it and besides his smell was the only thing that kept me (dread and all) going.

I all but ran back to the cab outside and directed it to Liam's hotel.

When I got there, he was waiting for me outside. His face split into a huge grin when he saw me. He looked so heartbreakingly handsome, his eyes were a calm sky blue, his cheeks pink from the cold.

I groaned inwardly, how was I going to do this?

He hugged me, kissing the top of my head like he loved to do.

"Hey".

I pulled away quickly; I couldn't act like everything was fine.

I smiled up at him.

"Hi, how was the read"?

"It was great actually"...

I tuned out watching him talk about how great everything had gone and how he was sure this was the real break he'd been waiting for. He talked all the way to his room, with me nodding and smiling at various intervals. I really was happy for him, he deserved everything he got.

Everything was going fine until we sat on the couch. He started stroking the back of my neck, whispering into my ear about how much he'd hated being unable to be with me last night. He pulled off my coat and pulled me into his arms. I knew what he wanted and as much as I didn't want to hurt him, I couldn't pretend anymore. I refused to sit on his lap so I pulled away and sat across from him on the couch. I saw him wince and I saw a flash of hurt in his eyes, it was gone in an instant.

"Okay Charlotte, I've tried to be patient with you and just let you tell me what's going on so I'm just going to ask" he paused "what's wrong"?

I looked at him; he looked hurt and I was just about to hurt him some more.

I took a deep breath. It was now or never.

"Liam, I think we would be better seeing other people or just as friends".

"WHAT?!" He stood up over me, face flushed in shock and hurt.

It was as if I'd poured gasoline on an open fire.

"What, I don't understand, what did I do wrong?" He was speaking quickly, fumbling to get the words out.

I leaned forward, it hurt my heart to hear him blame himself.

"Liam it isn't your fault, I just don't think we're working, I haven't felt right about us in a long time, I mean -"

He cut me off.

"No, you ask me to come here to see you and when I finally can, you say we're not working"?

I saw his eyes were wet with unshed tears and anger.

"I know Liam; I should have told you befo-"

He cut me off again.

"No I'm not buying it Charlotte, everything was fine with us until you did that damn movie, it's as if you're a totally different person-you don't talk to me anymore, you're distant, and I feel like you're constantly lying to me!" He was towering over me, all six feet of frustration and vengeance. He had felt this way for a long time and I'd been too stupid to see, he was going to make me pay for all the times I 'd tortured him.

"Liam you said it yourself, we've grown apart" I reached out and clutched at his arm "Can you please sit down"?

He flinched away from my touch. I winced inwardly, this was not working.

"Liam please listen-"

"No! I don't want to hear any of your lies anymore". He started pacing around the room.

I felt control of the situation slipping away.

"Liam I'm not trying to lie to you, I just want to talk to you"!

He looked at me, his face was flushed, I'd never seen him this angry before. His eyes were cold and hostile as ice. His hair was spiked up in all directions, I felt like I could almost see the hurt coming off him in waves. He looked like a cornered animal, he looked dangerous.

"Really"!? "Then tell me, what did that text say yesterday"?

I felt my mouth drop open. He had caught me.

"Uh huh"! "You thought I didn't notice how odd you started acting yesterday, how you kept disappearing"!?

"This is about us Liam, not about any text message-" I croaked out.

He cut me off for the third time.

"I saw that it was from your beloved Ben, so, if it was nothing then why won't you tell me what it said"?

Shit. I'd been totally careless yesterday, I'd been too upset to take care, I hadn't realized Liam had seen anything. He had cornered me and he knew it. I stayed silent.

"Oh nothing to say now?" He came closer and I got up to walk away but he grabbed my arm in a vice like grip.

"What was it that he said that threw you off so much that you couldn't pretend, what threw you off so much that you forgot to act like you don't stare at him with longing every time you see him".

He brought his face close to mine.

"I've ignored a lot, I've lied to myself a lot but it was last night when I saw the way he looked at you that I knew he was more than a mentor to you"!

He pulled me even closer, close enough to kiss.

"So tell me, how long have you been sleeping with him huh"? "Every time you told me you were working late, were you really in his bed"!? "How long has he been smiling at me, offering me advice while he knew he was stealing you away from me"?!

I flinched and pulled my arm away. It was enough to accuse me but never Ben. "Ben would never do that "! "Leave him out of this!" He let go of me and went back to pacing, the hotel room seeming too small to contain his anger and his tall frame.

"Oh precious Ben is it now, you stand up for him but not yourself, can't you hear yourself -you're practically in love with him"! He spat out before turning his back on me.

"I told you, this is about us and OUR problems, not Ben"!

He turned back around; I saw something new on his face. Conviction. There was no way he was going to drop this, he was convinced there was something going on.

"Oh I see, he came to see you yesterday to convince you to leave me. That's what this is all about!" He nodded . I just kept quiet; there was no way to salvage the situation. I would just have to wait while he raged at me.

"There's no way he came, straight off set the way he did just to say hi and I let you walk straight into his arms last night, that's the real reason you wouldn't leave with me"! He seemed to be almost talking to himself. He suddenly turned back around and walked past me to the couch. I thought he was looking for my phone but he picked up my jacket and looked at it in detail, he looked at the tag and he lifted it to his face.

I winced inside, how could I have been so stupid.

"This isn't your coat-it's several sizes too big, not to mention it's from a men's line and it doesn't smell like you, if this isn't your coat and it's not mine, then why do you have it"?

He came closer to me, brandishing the coat like a weapon.

"Answer me Charlotte, why do you have this coat"? "This coat costs over a thousand dollars and I know you haven't been paid yet so you possibly couldn't have bought a coat this expensive yet, why do you have it"?

I shook my head unable to answer.

He turned and threw it on the ground. I winced.

We stood there in silence, him breathing heavily and me shocked and on the verge of tears.

When he finally looked up at me, he had a tear running down his face.

I put out a hand and he stepped back as if I'd slapped him. His voice was quiet, calm again.

"Get out Charlotte; I never want to see you again. Tell him he can have you".

I moved silently around the hotel room, picking up the coat and my handbag. I went to the door and with my hand on the doorknob I said: "I'm sorry Liam, and as hard as it is for you to believe, I never cheated on you".

He didn't answer. I opened the door and walked out without looking back.

I got back to Ben's room and collapsed on the bed in a fit of tears.

I don't remember falling asleep but woke up in the early hours of the next morning when my phone rang.

The sound cleaved into my skull, I opened my eyes and I wished I hadn't. I looked at my phone, it was Ben. I panicked for a moment, what if he decided that he wanted to marry Sophie after all? What if he had called to tell me it had all been a terrible mistake? Had he realised what a shitty person I was? I sat up and answered the phone.

"Hello"?

"Hi it's Ben, I'm sorry to wake you so early Charlotte".

I coughed out a laugh.

"It's so like you to remember what time it is here, ever the gentleman".

He laughed a rich and throaty laugh that made me forget about my headache, about Sophie and mostly about Liam. Mostly, my heart still twitched guiltily at the thought of his name.

"I'm just calling to let you know that my flight is in an hour and" he paused.

"And"? I responded.

"It's done".

I heard the sadness in his voice and I knew exactly what he meant.

"Are you okay"?

I heard him take a deep breath.

"I'm....fine".

"Well I'm glad, Liam and I we're also done". I added hesitantly.

"I suspected, you sound like shit-have you been crying"? He said it matter of fact, almost as if he was disappointed in me.

"Maybe" I responded. He knew me too well.

"We'll talk when I get back but, look after yourself Charlotte".

"You too Ben".

He hung up.

I looked at the time. It was three in the morning and I felt and looked like crap but I'd never felt so at peace.

Several Hours Later

I'd showered, eaten and was sitting on the couch trying to watch some trashy reality tv show when he walked in. I looked up. He shut the door and dropped on the couch next to me.

He looked like I did when I'd come back from Liam's.

There were bags under his eyes, and he looked pale. His clothes were the total opposite of his face though, I'd stayed in one continent but he still managed to look more put together than I did in dress pants, shiny shoes and a heavy wool pea coat.

I looked at his pale and tired face. He had never looked so handsome.

"Hello stranger".

He looked at me as if appearing to notice me for the first time.

"Charlotte, hi".

His eyes were glazed over, he was barely conscious.

Instead of answering, I pulled him to his feet and led him to the foot of the bed.

I started unbuttoning his coat and he asked "what are you doing"?

I continued until I had stripped him of his coat, I laid it aside and caught hold of his hand once more .I led him to the side of the bed, pulled back the covers and pushed him down by his shoulders .I knelt down and took off his shoes. Ignoring the rest of his protests, I pulled his legs into the bed and had the covers over him in a matter of seconds.

"But Charlotte I'm not tired, we need to talk".

"Shhhh" I bent over to kiss him on the forehead.

By the time I'd pulled away, his eyes were already closed.

Sometime later, I went out to get food for once (room service really is expensive) - take out would have to do and when I came back, he was already showered and in fresh clothes, reading a newspaper on the couch. I sighed in exasperation as I closed the hotel door.

"You know when you traverse two continents in 24 hours; one is entitled to sleep for at least twelve hours".

He laughed and put the newspaper aside.

"I don't need twelve hours of sleep".

"Well you're not human and you seemed pretty zombie like when you got back you know".

I walked past him into the kitchenette and was unpacking the food when I felt his hands on my waist.

I turned half around, shocked at his closeness, I hadn't even heard him get up.

He pulled me towards him, his chin on my shoulder.

"I've missed you Charlotte".

I laughed nervously.

"Well I'm not going anywhere so you don't have to miss me anymore".

He turned me around to face him, pulling me close fiercely.

"Oh I'm definitely not letting you out of my sight anytime soon" and before I could respond he covered my mouth with his. He tasted wonderful and I kissed him, letting his smell flood my senses like it had two nights ago. This time his hands didn't stay on my back, they trailed down my sides to my hands. He pulled away, his face serious.

"Are you sure about this"?

I nodded breathless.

"I've never been more sure in my life."

This time he led me to the bed.

He pushed me back gently and I lay back on the bed, using my feet to take off my shoes.

He followed me onto the bed, covering my body with his. I welcomed his weight on me and pulled him closer. He captured my mouth once more and we were kissing with abandon. I ran my hands through his hair, still damp from the shower and buttery soft on my hands. He kissed my neck and down my chest, his breath on my skin tickling and making me squirm. He laughed at my reaction and continued his torture, his hands going everywhere that his lips weren't. They reached the edge of my shirt and went up my sides, taking my shirt with them. My bra followed suit and then his shirt so we were skin to skin. It was as if time had stopped and it was just his lips and hands on me, I couldn't think about anything but the feel of his bare skin under my hands and the electricity that his touch evoked in me. I felt his lips, his hands everywhere, I belonged to him. It was as if we had both lost our minds, as if we wanted to lose each other within our lovemaking. When at last he entered me, it felt so right, it was as if I knew him better than I knew myself. I lost myself in all the sensations and when our lovemaking peaked, it was as if I'd seen the stars. I heard both our cries fill the air as we came back down to earth. I felt the breath leave my body and I knew I was spent. Benedict didn't let go of me, instead he kissed me hard once more. The sweetest, slowest kiss I'd ever known yet just as heated as the one we had shared that night after the party when everything had changed. When he pulled away, I opened my eyes and saw his eyes staring down at me. I smiled.

"You know, I don't think Liam knew how to do any of that".

He laughed ,I felt that delicious sound vibrate against my chest, through my whole body.

I knew then that in that moment that everything was perfect.