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It just… had to happen.
That’s what they all tell me. But sincerely, how would they know? How could they understand how I feel? No one has ever felt like we did. Always on the run, in a way, yet never really running. We weren’t runners. Maybe that’s why they got him in the end. How the hell should I know?
For all I know, I could’ve taken his place. If I had not gone out to get some food… Funny how burgers save your life, no? I’m sure you’d love it, wouldn’t you? Man I wish you were still alive, too. I mean, you that was hard, but him? First I lose a part of my heart, and now it’s a part of myself. It’s laughable, really. I’m sure they’re all laughing down there, behind their closed doors. Well, as closed as they can be, really.
I just… I just wish. I can get that you guys wouldn’t want me to do that… I remember too well getting each of you out a few times, every time almost getting killed. But I don’t care. I was empty before, but now? Nowhere to go but everywhere, nowhere to stand but on my own feet, no future but a wall… how am I supposed to keep going with this prospect in mind?
I wonder… I wonder how it’d have gone if I had had the choice. If I could have just… exchanged our places. For sure you wouldn’t have done that, Cas, would you? Nah, you’re too… angelic. But Sam… The damned Winchesters, eh? Ain’t that awesome… I don’t mind. I’d rather go back down there than know you are. Leaving my brother downstairs… that’s just not possible.
***
He looked at his picture one last time before closing the box. He put the little casket down then covered it up, looking at all the roads leaving the crossing. Not long after, a voice sounded behind him, accented and drawling, dripping with sarcasm:
“Winchester.”
He turned around, facing the demon.
“Crowley. I thought I’d recognized your venom.”