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“The Swelling Storm”
Months had passed since the duel between Supreme Leader Snoke’s guards in the red throne room. There had been much talk and rumors in the First Order about the girl who killed Snoke and even whispers if it was Kylo Ren who killed him instead. Was he a traitor amid the First Order? He led them to believe otherwise.
Kylo looked out his viewport in his quarters. The lights had been off since he entered them hours ago. The nearby stars and the planet provided enough light. He decided that he was to attempt to sleep tonight. His sleeping patterns were not like how they used to be now that she had entered the picture, now that he killed his own father. Now he would wake up all the time to screaming and crying ringing in his ears, voices he never heard before tore him in every different direction: light to dark, dark to light. It was a never-ending battle in his mind when all his fears came alive. For this reason he dreaded the thought of sleep, for when he did, the nightmares returned.
He removed his long-sleeved tunic and placed it on a table in his quarters. The next to go was his lightsaber, which he placed near his bedside. Then off came his black sweater, which he laid over the tunic. He sighed and ran his hands over his face and into his hair as he stared down at his bed. He sat down on it, bent down, and took his boots off ever so slowly to make the moments of not falling asleep last just a little bit longer.
The room was quieter than he last noticed as he laid down onto the bed. He carefully placed one arm underneath his head and his other arm on his stomach. He could hear the ship’s humming and the distant sound of TIE fighter engines zooming through space during their daily scouting missions. They were still trying to find her.
Her.
His muscles tensed in his body.
Kylo closed his eyes and thought of the last time the Force connected them. She stared him down, waited for him to leave with her on the Falcon . She offered him a chance. He did not take it. She left and took part of him that his darker side wished would disappear. Ben Solo.
He placed those thoughts to the back of his mind and tried to focus on his breathing. He would fall asleep while he meditated.
In… out… in… out
He could hear his heartbeat thudding in his chest, calm and quiet. He could feel his body sinking deeper into the sheets as his muscles relaxed a bit more. His mind started to become the blank blackness of nothing. No thoughts, ideas, memories.
In… out… in…
OUT!
He woke to a sudden yell and cool air rushing past his body. Maybe it was just his mind, deep into meditation.
To his terror, he fell. He fell down, down, down through space. His voice would not come out of his throat. Perhaps the ship had been hit and so everyone else had the same fate? Falling to their death?
The darkened skies of space started to change colors from black to grey and the ship got smaller as he descended. He did not notice that he was going to hit water and landed with a smack that left him feeling its sting. He sank deep down into the waves. He opened his eyes and saw nothing but blackness. He panicked and rushed to swim to the surface. His lungs finally expanded with oxygen and he coughed out some water with it.
A wave rushed back over him and plunged him back down beneath the waves. He repeated his process for air again and was met, yet again, with another tumbling wave. This time he turned within it, swirling his mind around till he was dizzy and not knowing which way was up.
Kylo broke the surface again finally and was able to swim towards what looked like land. His eyes adjusted and he realized it was not land. He was shocked, knowing very well what appeared before him.
The second Death Star’s ruins.
How did he end up on Kef Bir? It wasn’t possible. The ship was never even near Kef Bir to begin wi-
A wave crashed over him so suddenly that he did not breathe before it swallowed him. This time he was plunged down even further into the depths of darkness that was this raging sea. It was angry, this sea, and so was Kylo. He tried to get back to the surface, but he was dragged down. He started to hear whispering.
“My boy, long have I waited. I will break you!”
Kylo looked around, saw no one, and looked up to swim back to the surface. His heart beat faster, while his mind started to panic again.
Fear? Was this fear?
He gulped the air as he rose to the surface and then…
Rey . He could swear he felt her presence, but where? Rey . He had to get out of this sea and off this planet. They had unfinished business.
The largest wave thus far rose on the stormy sea. Kylo swam in the other direction trying to get away, but his limbs were tired, his muscles ached. His mind cried out… for Leia. His mother. His mind became that of little Ben Solo in the dark, hearing strange voices and crying for his mother to come and take him from the dark.
“No,” Kylo thought. “I cannot!”
The wave consumed his body, and the last thing he heard was the familiar sound of his father shouting his name: “Ben!”
“Fear us. Only then will you grow in hate for it.” The eerie whispering continued as he tumbled through the large wave and was pushed down underwater.
Why did he have this urge to cry? Why was he so afraid?
“Fear leads to anger. Anger led to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
He was suffering. Suffering in the cold, dark and stormy seas that held the graveyard of a dark past. Vader’s dark past. His grandfather. He had endured these trials before while growing up. He had suffered so much as a child. Tormented by voices that would never go away and demons that tore his soul and his heart in pieces that made him who he was today: Kylo Ren.
A loud, booming voice rang through the water. The voice was modulated and one that he rarely heard, but always craved.
“You don’t know the power of the dark side!”
Kylo was tired. He stopped trying to swim back to the surface. He assumed he was farther beneath the surface than he was before. His mind had already told him it was too late for him. Too late to swim back for air, too late to go back home, too late, mother… Rey…
Rey…
Kylo’s mind was clouded. He could feel the water filling up his lungs. He felt heavy. Cold. Death was cold.
He gathered all the strength he could to look back up at the surface to watch its light diminish as he fell to the darkness. Was that sunlight? He felt a sudden rush in his blood to try to swim again. He barely smiled to himself as he watched it and knew very well what he was feeling.
The pull to the light.
But the darkness always had its way. It already had its way with Kylo Ren. Perhaps, this time, Ben Solo really was dead. He was giving in again.
“At what cost? You’re a good person; don’t do this! Please, don’t go this way!” He ignored the small whispers, although he seemed to have recognized one of them.
He closed his eyes, ready to fall finally and completely. Rays of light glittered around him from above the surface. He felt another presence above. It was one that was warm and loving. The presence reached out to grab him.
Something grabbed his foot and pulled. It jolted him awake and he looked down. A black leather hand had grabbed his foot. It then revealed its master’s face. Kylo’s heart almost stopped when he saw his grandfather’s familiar distorted mask pulling him downwards.
Kylo tried fighting him by kicking the hand, but it would not budge. He reached for his lightsaber by his side, but it was not there. He heard a splash to his side. It was his lightsaber sinking down into the sea like someone had thrown it for him. He tried swimming to it, but his grandfather’s hand kept him in place. Kylo was dragged down again.
“Stop! Stop now!” A woman’s voice again. This time it was louder but still gentle. “There’s still good in him, I know.”
Kylo looked up again to see a beautiful woman in a blue dress with white flowers in her hair reaching for him. He did not know who she was, but recognized her presence as one he had not felt since he was a small child. His angel. Oh, he would recognize her anywhere, and she had come to save him once more.
His foot felt light, as if the dark and heavy presence was no longer there. He did not bother to look down this time. She was there and her smile threatened to bring tears to his eyes. She pulled him upwards closer and closer towards the light on the surface. He held onto her as she held him like a small boy and in that time, he could hear many different voices call out his name, his real name. Some he knew and some he did not, but, he always knew when she said it, like she had always done before.
Ben…
Kylo Ren awakened gasping for air and crying, tears streaming down his face. His skin felt warm against his quarters’ chill, but his throat was sore, and it stung when he swallowed. He croaked out a sob. He cradled his face in his hands and let it all out. It was a good thing that the Finalizer was used to Kylo Ren screaming and yelling. Only this time, it was Ben who cried out.
… and on the far distant side of the galaxy, she could hear his cries reverberate through the Force. It cracked her heart raw. Rey cried with him till her eyes turned red and covered her mouth so that she would not be heard aboard the Falcon . Perhaps he saw her in a dream, just like she had. Only, in Rey’s dream, she watched him drown beneath the stormy sea waves that held the Death Star’s graveyard and watched him fight for his life against the dark side of the Force.