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It was just another regular day in the dorms of Ateez where Seonghwa was being bullied as usual and Mingi was busy annoying Yunho. San was messing with Jongho, and Hongjoong, well, was just being Hongjoong and was trying to separate the best friend duo because they had to shoot for a Mnet event today, and the two clearly seemed to have forgot the concept of time and space. They were sitting in the corner of their practice room while Wooyoung seemed to be animatedly explaining something to Yeosang while Yeosang was just looking at him with a bright smile.
It wasn’t a secret from anyone that Wooyoung and Yeosang were the closest pair in the group. Of course Mingi and Yunho were really close too and so were all the members to each other, but there was something about them which was more intimate. It seemed like when they would just look at each other and the other would exactly know what the other wanted to say. It was the way they looked at each other or smiled at each other which just seemed so much more different from the way it was with anyone else except when it was just both of them.
Sometimes it felt like whenever they were at each other’s presence, they couldn’t do anything but bicker with one another. But at the same time, everyone knew that it was just their way in expressing their love for each other.
Even the silence between them was comfortable, it was never awkward. They would just sit beside each other and maybe not even exchange any words with each other but they knew they were at ease; they would still feel at ‘home.’
They say that home is just not a place but maybe just a feeling or maybe even a person at that. Yeosang knew that whoever this ‘they’ was absolutely right because yes he feels at home with Wooyoung, Wooyoung had always felt like a home to him.
A place where we could just be himself and not fear being judged, where he could cry at nights because he’s frustrated or just sad and someone would still tell him that even when he’s crying he’s beautiful too. Someone with whom he could share his darkest secrets without any fear and well, someone with whom he could just be Yeosang.
Today for the Mnet shoot they had to write one of the members a letter and what they felt about them. they picked chits and Mingi had to write a letter for San, and San would have to write one to Yunho. Yunho on the other hand, had to write it to Seonghwa and Seonghwa to Hongjoong. The maknae got a letter from Hongjoong, and Wooyoung and Yeosang had to write a letter to each other.
The letters they wrote to each other made them cringe, smile but most importantly cherish each other even more than they ever did. While a lot of TMI was spilled, as San would say, there were also a lot of things left unsaid.
Those very unsaid feelings kept bothering Wooyoung the whole day that he thought of doing something he had never done before.
It felt unreal and he was mostly nervous but once he started to pen those emotions down he knew that it was one of his best decisions.
“Dear Yeosang,
I don’t know why I’m suddenly writing this letter to you, but I do know you think that nobody saw you sneaking into the kitchen and having the left over fried chicken from yesterday—but guess what ? I did.
I noticed it like I always notice every small detail about you— be it the way you hide your face when you’re shy or the way you scrunch your nose when you smile.
I had always thought we knew each other like the back of our hands but sometimes I wonder, do we really? Do you have any idea about how I feel about you? How I’ve felt about you since the very beginning?
Do you know how my heart starts beating a little faster every time you hold my hand or how I just never want to let you go every time we hug each other? or maybe just cuddle. How you’re someone I want to spend my forever with and every time I think of my always, it’s always been you.
When I had seen you for the first time I just knew you’re the most beautiful person I’d ever seen. To be honest, I still believe the same but now my reasons are so much more different than what they were then.
At that point, I had just seen your outer beauty and felt that way, but Kang Yeosang, you’re so much more beautiful from the inside. In my opinion, you’re the most forgiving person to have ever stepped on this planet. You have the most purest soul and no matter how much I thank you I know I can never appreciate you know enough through words that how thankful I’m to you for being you. I’m so so proud of you.
I know it’s not always easy for you but I’ve seen you try the hardest. I’ve seen you skipping meals and forgetting about the concept of time just because you couldn’t perfect a step and you were determined to do it nonetheless. I’ve seen you work hard Yeosang and I’ve seen you cry too. I’ve seen you going through all those tough time with a smile and you never sharing about what you really felt just because you didn’t want to be a bother to me or us. But when are you gonna truly believe me when I say “ you’re never a bother to me my Sangie” or when I say “ you did so well baby.”
I often wonder when are you gonna notice those pet names which for me are only reserved for you. When are you gonna see that I smile a little more when you do too, that I’m a lot more happier when I’m around you and no one can make me feel shy like you do.
Most importantly, I wonder if you know that I’m so in love with you. Yes Kang Yeosang, I’m so very much in love with you.
I’m in love with your obsession over chicken and your “hehetmon,” that I’m in love with your morning voice and even in love when your voice cracks. That I’m in love with your stupid fucking smile. When will you realise that I love bickering with you but I hate our fights the most, and what I hate even more is when you act cold.
Do you have any idea how much I had cried over you the last time you did that to me? Do you even know that when you thought I was replacing you with San was the time when I constantly thought that I lost you?
I wonder if you know about my feelings and how I am ready to leave anything just to be by your side. Just to see you when I open my eyes.
If I want to succeed, it’s with you and if I have to fail then I still want to face it with you. We’ve spent our hardest time’s together and I really wish I can spend my forever with you too.
I think about so many things but what I think the most is if you feel what I feel too. That when I feel your eyes lingering on me it’s not because you’re just confused, but because you like looking at me as much as I like looking at you. I think about our nights which in which you tell me so many things about you, the things no one knows about you but only I do. I often think about your eyes which seems to hide so many unsaid emotions in it and wonder if one of them is that you’re in love with me too.
We’ve known each other for 6 years and every moment spent with you is one of the most beautiful moments in my life and I consider myself so lucky that I got to meet you in this lifetime. I’m lucky to have fallen in love with you and spend my days just being with you.
It’s been 6 years and I still don’t know what we exactly are. If we’re just best friends or if you consider me your soulmate, just as I think you’re mine. I don’t know if I’ll ever tell you that how much I love it when you wear my hoodies and clothes. I don’t know if I’ll ever tell you about how much I feel like kissing you. How much I crave those soft lips of yours against mine, that sometimes I don’t know if you’re too hot or too cute for my own good and I just wanna push you against the wall and make out with you.
But I do know I’m in love with you, and I feel like you may be a little bit in love with me too.
I had started this letter by telling you that I really don’t know what made me want to write a letter to you but if I’m being honest —I know, I do.
I wrote this letter because I’m a coward and I know I won’t ever be able to tell these to you and this letter is just my way of letting out those feelings which I have for you. This may have been a letter for you but I can’t let this get to you. And no matter how much I want to tell you about my feelings, I won’t ever tell it to you because I’m so so scared of losing our friendship; I’m so so scared of losing you.
It’s 11:11 now and I want you to know it’s you, it’s always been you and forever will be only you.
From your best friend aka the one who’s hopelessly in love with you and is too scared to confess it to you,
Wooyoung”
Once Wooyoung was done writing his letter, he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to feel. Was he supposed to be happy that he finally let his feelings out or was he supposed to feel sad knowing this letter would never be read by the one he had written it for? He could feel the tears swelling up his eyes and his heart felt full.
He had heard falling in love was a crazy feeling but no one told him he would feel so many things. That just one person could make him feel so many ways that he couldn’t imagine even himself feeling at times.
Wooyoung was just trying to get a hold of himself when he heard the door click and he quickly cleaned all his belongings.
“Are you okay Wooyoungie?” Yeosang asked softly.
“Yes? Why would you ask me that?” Wooyoung replied without looking into Yeosang’s eyes.
“You’re lying Wooyoung”
“I’m not-“
“You were crying too, oh my god c’mere“ Yeosang said, pulling him into a tight hug.
“Were you missing home ?”
Wooyoung mentally laughed at the irony of that sentence. Wooyoung indeed was missing his ‘home’
“Mhm” He answered as he hugged Yeosang a bit tighter than before.
“Aww you baby, we will talk to mom tomorrow okay?“ Yeosang said, breaking the hug and cupping Woosang’s cheeks instead.
“Yeah” Wooyoung nodded with a small smile.
“Let’s cuddle and make you feel better, yeah?” Yeosang said as he pulled Wooyoung to his chest and they both laid down on his bed.
They laid in a comfortable silence as Wooyoung hugged Yeosang with his head laying on his chest and Yeosang’s fingers playing with his hair when the older broke the silence.
“I know I don’t say this enough but you do know that I love you, right?” Yeosang asked softly, almost sounding unsure of Wooyoung’s feelings
“I love you too baby” Wooyoung replied as he kissed Yeosang’s cheeks. This was the moment he knew and he was sure that no matter what happens, he could live like this.