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It was almost Christmas time in Beacon Hills, and Derek was developing a migraine from overexposure to Jingle Bell Rock. Stiles’s book shop had been playing Christmas music for weeks, but that was because Stiles was a twisted, twisted person who for some perverse reason thought Christmas music ought to begin the day after Halloween. Derek complained about it every time he visited his boyfriend at work - which was fairly often.
Stiles put in more hours than anyone expected at his minimum-wage bookkeeping job. He always laughed when Derek mentioned it, and he’d say that it was Derek’s own fault he liked researching so much. Oftentimes Stiles would not show up for dinner or a date, and Derek would know to check the bookstore before worrying the rest of the pack. Ten times out of ten, Stiles would be there, curled up with a new mythology book or an ancient grimoire that he’d gotten lost in. He’d be sad, upset that he’d forgotten an outing with Derek, but Derek honestly didn’t mind too much. It was better for Stiles to be reading, because now and then he’d be out, practicing magic unsupervised.
Like he was today. Derek had hunted through the woods for a solid ten minutes after checking the bookstore and finding it empty. He finally caught Stiles’s scent just off one of the hiking trails in the Preserve, and loped after it, anger bubbling under his skin when he smelled the distinctive ozone that always accompanied Stiles’s magic.
“Stiles,” Derek snapped, stepping into a small clear space between trees where Stiles was standing, looking sheepish.
“Heeeey, Derek, what’s up?” Stiles said, hands behind his back as if it would hide the magic.
Derek frowned. “Not much, just trying to track down my boyfriend, have you seen him? Tall, skinny, likes to experiment with magic when he promised to only do it with supervision?” Derek snarked.
Stiles rolled his eyes. “God, Derek, you make it sound like I’m a six year old,” Stiles complained, putting his hands in front of him and revealing a grimoire in one hand.
“That’s because you’re acting like one!” Derek replied. “Stiles, you know what happens when you experiment with this stuff, is it so hard to wait until Deaton can teach you?” Stiles seemed to ignore him in favor of leafing through the grimoire a bit more. Derek growled low in his throat, and Stiles glanced up.
“Don’t even start that with me,” Stiles said lowly. “You get to shift and release all your wolfiness, I get to do this, deal with it.”
“I have to shift, Stiles, it’s not something I get to choose, it’s part of me,” Derek shouted.
Stiles bristled. “And I don’t have to do this? It isn’t part of me? Fuck you, Derek, you don’t know a damn thing about this,” Stiles hissed back.
“I know that it’s dangerous! That when you finish you’re so exhausted you can barely move for hours, that you push and push like you’ll die if you don’t learn everything right now, and you end up hurt, you always end up hurt!” Derek could feel the urge to shift prickling under his skin, belying his true feelings. If he was just angry, the shift wouldn’t have been tugging at him, but the anger was fueled by fear, and fear brought out the wolf.
“And being a werewolf is so safe and injury free, right? Derek, this is part of me just like the wolf is part of you, and you need to deal with it. If you can’t…” Stiles trailed off. He shook his head in disappointment while Derek tried to find something to say, something that would keep the wolf under control and calm Stiles, but his words failed, and Stiles walked away towards the trail, smelling of anger and and sadness.
It wasn’t until Stiles was gone that Derek finally found words. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. But Stiles was already gone.
*
Derek snuck into Stiles’s new house, a huge building on the opposite side of the Preserve from where the old Hale house once stood, through the upstairs window. Stiles had purchased it immediately after college, using the money from the trust Derek had set up for each pack member to finance it. He’d insisted that the whole pack have access to the house, and since they’d started dating, Derek had been around more and more often until the whole house smelled more like Stiles-and-Derek than Stiles and Derek. So really, he didn’t feel too bad about breaking in. It felt like he belonged. Maybe if he waited around Stiles’s bedroom for a bit, Stiles would come up and Derek could apologize.
He could hear Stiles downstairs, pacing around the living room while he talked on the phone. At first he tuned it out, but when he heard his name, he couldn’t help but listen in.
“He just makes me furious, Scotty. He doesn’t understand how important this is. I get that it’s dangerous, but he does stupid shit like this all the time and he expects me to just stand by helpless?” Stiles sighed.
“I dunno, man, maybe he’s just trying to keep you safe,” Scott said from the other end of the line. Derek made a mental note to thank the Alpha later for trying to calm Stiles’s anger. Even though it probably wouldn’t do any good. Stiles’s anger would burn out quickly, but not if Scott tried to soothe it. He had to take it out on Derek, then the anger would fizzle out and they would be okay again.
“But this is how I keep him safe,” Stiles said, “And he won’t let me do that. Hell, last week, with the kelpie, he straight up told me to stay home. That it was too dangerous. Like we haven’t faced down worse.”
Derek did feel a little guilty about that, but he’d honestly just thought it was too dangerous for Stiles to come along. He hadn’t wanted Allison or Lydia there either. It was a human thing, even trained ones could still get hurt.
He heard Scott scoff. “Yeah, but you ignored him, and what happened? You both got hurt, like idiots.”
“Exactly, but do you know how bad he could’ve been hurt if I wasn’t there? Scotty, I can’t let someone I love that much put himself in danger all the time without me next to him, and I need to be strong to do that,” Stiles confessed, and Derek’s world froze.
Distantly he knew Scott was still talking to Stiles, and that now and then Stiles would respond, but his world had shrunk down to three words, repeating over and over in his head.
Someone I love, someone I love, someone I love, someone I love.
Derek had to get out. He didn’t care that he’d originally come there to apologize, he just needed to leave. He left the same way he’d come in, and ran straight through the Preserve until the smell of ash caught his nose. His instincts drew him to the remains of the old Hale house, and he sat down on the ruined front porch to think.
Stiles was already getting hurt because of their relationship. He was pushing himself to try more and more magic faster than he was ready to to try and make himself stronger. And now, with that word, Derek knew what he had to do. Stiles had become… too attached. Derek needed to leave now, before Stiles got hurt even more.
Decision made, Derek ran back to his apartment. Within half an hour, Derek had everything he’d need in his car. His rent was on automatic deposit, so he didn’t need to worry about it, but as he packed he called to cut off internet, water, and electricity to the place. Soon, everything was taken care of.
Derek got into his car, and didn’t look back.