Archive of Our Own

Iruma Miu never really wanted a maid in the first place. She thought of it as an intrusion of her privacy, someone who would probably root around her underwear drawer or something perverted like that. However, when her half-brother Kiibo stopped by last, he could barely stand looking at all of the filth that accumulated in her house. He almost didn’t ask her before cleaning it all himself, but she promised him that she’d take a day or so to clean everything that needed to be cleaned.

In other words, she reorganized three things on her work desk and went back to her inventions.

“This is becoming ridiculous,” Kiibo told her over video chat not even a week after that encounter. Even though he was a robot built by her father- thus making him her half-brother- he’d gotten better over the years at telling how much of a mess was too much of a mess. Apparently Iruma’s house had crossed that line a long time ago. “You need to start cleaning up after yourself. Living in that much dirt and grime is not healthy.”

“It’s fine,” she huffed out, eyes skimming lazily over newly-drawn blueprints for a new invention. “Hey, what do you think about a machine that helps you learn a new language while you sleep? That would’ve made learning English a hell of a lot easier, right?”

Kiibo paused a moment. “Sure, I suppose, but to get back on topic-”

Iruma sighed, spinning her chair around while tipping back in it. “This discussion is over. The way I live is fine, got it Kiibs? I clean when I feel like it, and this way I can work on my inventions whenever the fuck I want.”

Their conversation didn’t last much longer than that. Kiibo tried to talk her into taking more breaks to clean what needed to be cleaned- which, she would admit, was a good portion of her house- but to no avail. It wasn’t like her house was so disgusting that it needed to be cleaned by a team of people in hazmat suits, but it did make her wonder whether she should make an invention that could clean while she slept. That would certainly be helpful.

Two days later, Iruma was rudely interrupted by her ringing doorbell. She was in the refining stages of one of her more delicate inventions, so it was very much by luck that nothing was broken or destroyed by her surprise. Kiibo wasn’t in town, so she knew it couldn’t be him at her door, and her mom was off on some business trip. She quite honestly had no idea who could be at her door.

She muttered to herself about losing precious work time on her way upstairs to her door, noticing just before opening the door that she had a single text from Kiibo: you’re welcome.

Rolling her eyes, she yanked the door open, ready to tell whoever was on the other side off, but stopped by the sight of a woman around her age, taller and more poised. Iruma looked her up and down, thoroughly confused. “Um, who the fuck are you?”

The woman curtsied slightly. “My name is Tojo Kirumi. I was told by a man named Kiibo that you require my assistance.” Iruma stared at her for a long moment, dumbfounded and wondering why Kiibo would order her a hooker, before Tojo spoke more. “Ah, I must mention that I am a maid. I am very sorry for overlooking that information a moment ago.”

Iruma looked over the woman’s head at the sky. “Give me a minute,” she said, closing the door almost all the way and turning her back towards it. Whipping out her cell phone, she opened her chat with Kiibo: bro wtf?!

He responded almost immediately. I don’t trust your ability to clean, no offense. Tojo is more than capable enough to assist with that.

Iruma glanced towards the door. How the fuck did Kiibo know this chick? Whered u get her, she 1 of ur side hos?

She could almost hear Kiibo sighing in exasperation on the other end of their chat. No. She’s helped out Professor Idabashi on numerous occasions with optimal success. She is a very friendly person as well. I feel you two would get along well. And do not worry, I’ve paid her wages already.

Iruma closed her eyes for a second, debating with herself whether or not she should trust this Tojo chick. Finally, she looked around the entryway. She hadn’t spent a lot of time up here, usually working in her basement instead, so she hadn’t noticed how dusty everything had gotten. Actually, it was kind of gross.

Opening the door and meeting Tojo’s one visible eye- what an emo look, Iruma thought- she said, “I guess you can come in.” Her gloved fingers began absently playing with a lock of her curly blonde hair as the maid stepped inside, shedding her shoes and donning slippers. “Ah, you don’t have to do that. I’m fine if you keep your shoes on.”

“How will I be able to keep the floor clean if my shoes track dirt through the house?” Tojo fired back almost immediately, though her tone was still respectful. Iruma distantly wondered why this woman decided to become a maid in the first place; nobody she knew enjoyed cleaning and shit like that.

“Fair point. So anyway, the cleaning shit is over there under the sink-” Iruma pointed in towards the kitchen- “just avoid my bedroom altogether, I’ll be in the basement if you need me.” Almost as soon as she finished, she had her hand on the basement’s doorknob. “Knock yourself out, I guess.”

She didn’t close the basement door, as usual. She stepped over a couple unfinished inventions that she should really get back to on her way to her desk, arguably the cleanest part of her whole house. Although, just admitting that was kinda sad, as her desk was littered with blueprints, pencils, and the occasional machinery part. But, at least she was able to work.

Three hours into drafting a new invention, Iruma decided to get a snack. She hadn’t eaten all day, and already it was three in the afternoon. Even though she was hesitant to leave her draft without fully finishing it, she couldn’t work on an empty stomach, either. Just a piece of fruit would be fine, enough to tide her over for a while.

But when she arrived at the top of the stairs, she could barely recognize her own house. For the first time in probably weeks, she could see the entire floor. It looked almost like it was sparkling, too. The couch was bare, save for a blanket and a couple throw pillows, the complete opposite of the trash-littered mess it had been. All of the kitchen counters were cleaned and de-cluttered as well. The only indication that Iruma was even in the same house were the cartoon magnets holding up pictures of her and Kiibo on the fridge.

“Holy mother of fuck,” she muttered to herself. This was way further beyond what she’d expected from Tojo. To be fair, though, her expectations were pretty low. The work she’d done completely blew them out of the water.

“Are you satisfied?” Tojo seemed to appear magically behind Iruma, a soft and polite smile on her lips.

“That’s an understatement.” Iruma looked around the kitchen again, running a hand through her hair in awe. “I don’t think my house has been this fucking clean since I moved in.”

Tojo nodded once. “I’m glad that you’re satisfied. If you require, I could come every other Saturday at this time to ensure that your home stays clean?”

Iruma barely needed to think. No way was she going to have Kiibo on her case again. “Abso-fucking-lutely.”

Every week Tojo would come, Iruma made sure to make some effort in leaving out fruit or tea for her to have. Iruma felt like it was the least she could do, even if she had to explain it to Tojo multiple times in order to have the maid take it.

“Listen, I don’t know when you have lunch, so I figured I’d leave something out for you, okay?” she explained for the third time, gesturing in slight annoyance to the apple she’d left today. “I don’t need you passing out because you haven’t eaten in a while and you’ve been working yourself to death.”

Tojo, of course, argued with this. “I appreciate the gesture, but I am here to fulfill your requests, not to eat your food.”

Iruma rolled her eyes so hard she could’ve sworn they’d fall out of their sockets. “Just fucking eat it, alright? And-” she smirked as she got an idea- “that’s a request.”

Tojo’s smile all but faded to a neutral look. “Well-played, Iruma. Very well, if that is what you request.” She took the apple in her gloved hands and looked at Iruma. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather be working on more inventions?”

“Nah. Might as well get to know someone who’s at my house every other week.” Iruma shrugged it off, not bothering to mention that she hadn’t actually had any good ideas in recent days. That, at least, allowed her to catch up on her much needed sleep. She leaned against the counter, taking an apple for herself. “What is it with you and requests, anyway?”

“It is my duty as a maid to fulfill any request I’m given,” Tojo explained after swallowing the bite she’d taken. “There is hardly any task I cannot fulfill.”

Iruma hid a snicker behind her hand, her mind immediately jumping to certain requests Tojo could’ve been given. “So someone could request literally anything, and you’d do it? Anything?”

Tojo contemplated this for a moment. “If there is something I physically cannot do, I suppose I wouldn’t do it. For instance, I once received a request to take out an entire country. As I couldn’t do that, I denied that request.”

“Yeah, but what about the other kinds of requests? Y’know, like fucking?” Iruma took a bite of her apple, relishing in the sweet juice and crunch of it.

A hint of red tinted Tojo’s pale cheeks. “I have never once received a request like that, but I suppose I would have to decline,” she managed to say after a moment of surprise passed. “I’ve never given any thought to requests of those kinds.”

Iruma frowned a bit. “Aw, c’mon, why would you pass up an opportunity like that? I mean-”

“For my integrity, for one,” Tojo interrupted, a slightly sterner expression settling on her features. She cast her gaze down a second later. “And for another I am not interested in men.”

“Oh, so you swing that way, huh?” Iruma nodded a bit. “I don’t really mind either way myself.” She spread out her hands, half-eaten apple still in one. “So now that I know that about you, you can ask anything you want to know about me! Fair trade, wouldn’t you say?”

Expression unreadable, Tojo made a small sound in the back of her throat. “If that is what you want, I don’t mind.” She was silent for a moment as she took another bite of her apple, deep in thought. “How are you and Kiibo-kun related?”

Iruma grinned, swallowing her bite. “Oh, Kiibs? My dad made him when I was thirteen, so I guess you could say I’m his hot older sister.”

“I was told that Kiibo-kun was created by Professor Idabashi, correct? If you are related to him, wouldn’t you be Idabashi Miu?” Tojo seemed very perplexed by this revelation, a hand to her chin in thought.

Iruma shrugged, tossing her apple core into the trash. “Ah, that. See, my mom and dad got divorced when I was twelve, and since Mom got primary custody of me except for holidays, I took her name. No biggie.”

But, it actually had been a big deal at the time. She’d never felt so betrayed as when her parents told her they were getting a divorce. She’d always been under the impression that they were each other’s soulmates. How stupid she’d been back then.

Their conversation lulled for a couple tense moments. Iruma hadn’t meant to make this awkward. She started fiddling with the ends of her hair, her gaze wavering a bit and eventually sliding to the ground. “L-look, we can talk about something else now if ya want.”

Without so much as blinking, Tojo said, “If that is what you request.”

“Ugh, why do you have to be so goddamn submissive!” Iruma shouted, not even looking at Tojo. Her hands grasped onto her elbows, a bit like she was hugging herself. She felt herself shrink back a bit against the counter. “Why can’t you just talk like a normal fucking person?”

“I apologize,” Tojo said, seemingly taken aback. She had no reason not to be; Iruma was aware that her temper had taken a very quick one-eighty. “I was not aware that I was making you uncomfortable.”

Iruma closed her eyes for a moment and took a breath. “Just be more assertive, would you? Being such a doormat is so obnoxious.” A beat passed with no sound, only sealing Iruma’s thoughts. “I think I’m going to go back to my inventions now,” she said forcefully, as though ordering herself to do so. “See ya.”

Her heeled boots echoed loudly on her wood floors and stairs, the echoing becoming much louder once she hit the basement’s concrete. What the fuck was she thinking, going off like that? Without even realizing it, her thoughts wandered to when she was eleven, and her guidance counselor told her that having outbursts of self-esteem issues and being submissive all the time was why she didn’t have any friends.

She groaned, burying her face in her hands, relishing in the leather running over her cheeks. She didn’t want to go back to being the loser kid with no friends, or the loser kid with no friends except a robot. If she got her temper under control every once in a while, she might be able to not drive people away so easily. If they got to know the persona she put up, they might like her better.

But she just had to go off on Tojo and mess that up, didn’t she? Such a fucking failure.

The next few weeks Tojo came, Iruma started to be in the basement more and more. After what happened with trying to converse, she figured that this was the best course of action for Tojo to not hate her- if she wasn’t there to fuck things up, then everything would remain unfucked, right?

But even she got bored with the basement after a while, and she couldn’t exactly avoid Tojo forever, not when she might tell Kiibo, who would drag Iruma up from the basement if he had to. So, for the first time in a day or two, she went upstairs, and did a double-take when she noticed the blank white outside her window.

“Um, what the fuck? When did it turn into the North Pole?” she wondered aloud, migrating over towards the window. Just a couple days ago, it’d been warm enough, and her basement wasn’t really cold. Even if it was cold, she wouldn’t notice, since she kept a stock of blankets downstairs in case her inventions needed to be warmed up during the winter. Most often, though, they needed to be cooled down from overheating. She hadn’t invented a blanket for that yet.

“It’s been snowing all morning, Iruma,” Tojo pointed out from behind her, placing a ceramic bowl Iruma had made in third grade back on the counter after moving it to dust.

Well, that made some sense. She thought her back had been acting up just a little because she was sleeping (read: working all night) down there, but it was probably just sore like it always did in the winter. Those blankets were in the basement for more than one reason. She arched her back as much as she could, pressing her hands against it. “Want some tea, then? I need something to warm up.” As though she weren’t in a sweatshirt and sweatpants. Damn, why didn’t she think to look more presentable?

Tojo opened her mouth like she was going to protest, but to Iruma’s surprise, she nodded. “That would be nice, thank you.”

Iruma busied herself, wishing the water would boil faster. Fuck, she should’ve noticed her back was sore earlier. It wouldn’t have gotten this bad. She swore under her breath, her eyes darting over to Tojo, hoping she didn’t hear. How embarrassing would that be?

“I, uh.” What the fuck was she doing? “I’m sorry for what I said last time.” Okay, either she was in so much pain that she was high or she was out of her fucking mind. Quite possibly both. “I was...out of line. It’s a fuckin miracle you still came.”

She didn’t look at Tojo. Chances were she still had that neutral expression, or else… Well, who knew. “An apology was not needed, but I accept it nonetheless. I apologize as well, for causing you discomfort.”

Also not needed. “Thanks. Uh, what do you take in your tea? I made peppermint.”

“I’m fine with just tea.” Iruma could feel Tojo’s eyes on her as she poured the tea out into a couple mugs- she didn’t have any proper teacups, she didn’t have tea enough to warrant having teacups. “Peppermint is one of my favorites.”

“No shit! Mine, too.” Iruma couldn’t quite place why she was happy about that. She handed one of the mugs- one with a cartoon character on it- to Tojo, leaning against the counter to stretch out her back again. “Always smells amazing.” She frowned; that one muscle that always bothered her just wouldn’t shut up about being sore, would it?

“Iruma, are you alright?” Tojo nearly set her tea down before Iruma waved her off. “Is your back hurting you?”

Yes. “It’s fine. Just sore from like- y’know, the- the weather, and work, and- fuck.” She groaned as another pang radiated from that one damn muscle. She downed some of her tea, burning her mouth and throat, but at least that distracted her a bit. The heat from the tea always helped eventually, if only short-term. Same with that one part of her shoulder, which now that she thought it wasn’t sore, was starting to bother her. Amazing. Wonderful. Fantastic. More synonyms for fucking great.

“Iruma, would you like a heating pad or pain medication?” She could feel Tojo hovering, she was probably one step off from texting Kiibo to see what was wrong with her. Could her day possibly get worse?

Iruma tried stretching again. It didn’t help. “Pain medication, please,” she said, looking at the floor with her back still arched. Maybe if she held the position long enough, it would help. She heard Tojo walk away, then return a couple seconds later. “Thank you.” The pain medication went down easily with more of her tea, less burning hot and now just pleasantly warm. She kept her eyes closed for a second, willing it to start working already even though she knew logically that was not how it worked. Then she started laughing. “How pathetic I probably look.”

“Pathetic?”

She waved one of her hands, trying to get her train of thought moving with it. “I’m not even twenty-five and I already look like I’m fucking sixty because of my back, don’t I.” Not a question; some people in high school and college joked about that all the time. She was never in on those jokes.

But Tojo shook her head. “You do not look pathetic, Iruma. But if I may ask-”

“Surgery a few years back after a pretty bad accident. Just fuckin hurts every now and then. It’s not usually this bad.” She closed her eyes again. How many times had she recounted that accident, even without details? It had been a while since the last time, at least. “Don’t like talking about it.”

Tojo nodded, then brushed her bangs back. The look in that eye was distant, unfocused. “An accident as well. Almost no sight, limited depth perception. It’s easier to keep it covered than have it questioned.”

That, Iruma could understand. She had scars thanks to that surgery and the couple others the doctors had to perform, and she preferred to keep those covered. Although she always bragged about having a hot fuckin body- which she did, that wasn’t a question- it was easier to not wear clothing that revealed the scars, because then she would have to explain, then answer questions, and fend off the occasional pity. Iruma straightened, rolling her shoulders. It would still be a while until the medication kicked in. “Can you- I don’t know how often you talk to Kiibs, but can you not tell him about this? I don’t want to worry him.”

“I won’t speak a word.”

Iruma nodded to her in thanks, taking another sip of her tea. She looked out the window again; snow was still steadily falling. “Damn, how’d you even get here? That’s more snow than we’ve had in years.” She walked a little closer, inspecting. “Uh, yeah, there are definitely skid marks out there. It is not safe to go out. You don’t have any other jobs today, do you?”

Tojo blinked, dropping her hair back down. “I do not, but-”

“No arguing. It’s not fucking safe.” Iruma started thinking- what would she need to do? She had groceries, so dinner was set, the dishes were clean, given that Tojo was here and cleaned the guest room would be clean, too. “There’s plenty of room here. You of all people know that.”

Tojo considered this for what seemed to be a long time. “I suppose, if I’m not intruding…”

“Believe it or not, I like your presence. That doesn’t happen often.” She shrugged, wincing a bit when that damn shoulder muscle decided to still be sore. She really needed to start paying more attention to that while she was working. “You’re not much taller than me, you’ll probably fit into some of my clothes no problem.”

Was she being a little strong? Probably. She didn’t really care.

Okay. Iruma finally figured out why she felt so weird around Tojo, why she kept screwing up or saying personal things she never told anyone else.

She had a fucking crush.

Which was both the end of the world and not. This woman saw the inner recesses of Iruma’s house, some of which were probably disgusting, and would probably never want to hold hands or kiss ever. But also, Iruma had nothing to hide. Well, other than her feelings. That was obvious.

She was spending more time upstairs while Tojo was over, so it wasn’t like she never had the chance to say something. Kiibo had unfortunately been on the receiving end of many long calls in which Iruma talked about why she couldn’t possibly ask Tojo out despite having plenty of chances to and probably a good chance of Tojo accepting. It was so frustrating and her frustration made Kiibo frustrated and it was this big, large frustration circle unless Iruma managed to get off her ass and say something.

That wasn’t looking likely.

She lingered and she knew that Tojo found that odd, especially since she was saying jack shit. Her fingers tugged at her gloves, the seams nearly cutting into her skin by the time she was done. There were so many opportunities and she took exactly none of them. That was why she’d never been in a fucking relationship in high school and college: she was too much of a coward to say anything or ask anyone out, and it wasn’t exactly like she had people lining up to date her.

“I’ll be heading out,” Tojo said, breaking Iruma’s nearly nonexistent concentration. “I will see you in two weeks.”

Iruma opened and closed her mouth a couple of times before she closed her eyes. “Do you want to go out with me?”

Wow. She couldn’t believe she just did that.

She just asked Tojo out.

Wait, was Tojo responding?

Shit, she wasn’t, was she? She was just staring at Iruma like she grew a second head and she may as well have and-

“I would like that very much.”

-huh?

“Well- great! I thought you would!” Iruma straightened, putting on a confident smile. The smile part was the only honest part. “Um, you probably have another job to go to, I’ll text you later and we can iron out the details?”

Tojo nodded, a smile of her own adorning her lips. That was a damn gorgeous smile. “I will talk to you then.”

Iruma waited approximately thirty seconds after Tojo left to video call Kiibo. “Miu, hi-”

“Guess who has a date!” She was pretty much vibrating with excitement. Her chest felt like it was about to burst.

Kiibo sighed in what sounded like relief. He looked pretty damn relieved, too. “About time.”