Chapter Text
Epiphany.
Watching as Karasuno dominated the court, you held your pom-pom tightly in your right hand, a megaphone in the other. Your mouth almost hurt from how long you’d been smiling at the players, especially a certain blonde, but you ignored the sensation to show your support. Bringing the megaphone to your mouth after Hinata and Kageyama successfully used their combo, you screamed amongst the cheering crowd,”Go, go, Karasuno!”
Some of the players glanced up at the crowd, and you felt your heart quicken slightly as number 11 met your gaze for a split second before returning to the game. Feeling the heat rush to your cheeks, you were about to cheer again with the crowd, when an older man nudged your shoulder.
“That blondie seems to peek your interest, huh?”
You flailed your arms around in embarrassment as you tried to deny his observation, but the man simply chuckled at you, before pointing down at the court.
“They have some manager spots open, I’d do it if I were you. You seem interested in the sport, too.” Smiling at you, you felt your cheeks heat up as you replied,”I-I’m too shy for that. I doubt I’d be able to talk to them about it.”
Shaking his head at you, he clicked his tongue as he said,”If you don’t take opportunities, you’ll be regretful in the future. Do you want to have regrets?”
Shaking your head fast, you replied,”Of course not!” At your words, he slapped your back and howled,”Then go for it, kid!”
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Action.
Gripping the flyer tightly in your hand, you stood frozen outside the gym door, trying to muster up courage to go in. You were confident all day leading up to this moment, but the second you heard the volleyballs hitting the court and the sounds of yelling inside, you froze in your steps.
Repeating the words if encouragement from the old man in your head, you failed to hear footsteps behind you quickly approaching. You felt yourself stiffen like a board as a person tapped your shoulder. Turning slowly, you were frightened to see it was the blonde that you watched from the game. His sharp golden eyes stared at you as you failed to form words.
After a moment of you standing there stuttering, you saw he was losing his patience, so you shot your arms up to his face to shove the flyer in his eyes. He seemed slightly startled, stepping back to look at the paper.
“I-I wanna be a manager!” You exclaimed, heat rushing to your neck and ears.
He took the flyer, looking at it before looking back to you. Sighing, he walked past you and opened the gym door, and faint shouts of ‘Tsukishima!” were heard. He walked in, but he left the door open, so you took that cue to follow him.
Stumbling after him, you kept your gaze on his back as you felt eyes watching you, before you heard the sound of volleyballs resuming. Sighing, you looked down at the ground for a moment too long, bumping into the blondes back after he stopped.
Hurriedly stumbling back, he ignored you as he said to the bespectacled girl in front of him,”They want to be a manager.” The girl nodded, before looking to you. Standing straight at her gaze, she mentioned for you to follow her to fill out another form to complete the process, and as you did, you watched the guy turn around and head back to join the rest of the boys.
“Who was that, Tsukki?” You heard someone ask. “I don’t know, he was standing outside when I got here. He didn’t talk to me, he’s kind of weird.”
You felt your heart drop to your stomach at his blunt words.
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Pursuit.
Laughing slightly as Tanaka and Nishinoya snored in their seats on the bus, you looked over to see almost everyone asleep on the bus. Emphasis on ‘almost’, as you locked eyes with Tsukkishima sitting across the aisle by himself.
Giving a small smile, you asked,”Is Yamaguchi coming to the camp at all?” Tsukishima shook his head, eyes leaving yours as replied,”No, his stomach’s hurting too bad. I’m having to bring him medicine after the games.” You nodded at his words.
Yamaguchi had to sit this training camp out, as he had a sudden stomach virus. Although you felt bad for the freckled boy, you couldn’t help but silently rejoice at the fact that you had Tsukishima’s attention for once. Taking a deep breath for courage, you twiddled your thumbs as you asked Tsukishima,”Would it be okay if I went with you? J-just to check in and see if he’s alright, of course!”
You jumbled in that last sentence when you saw Tsukishima raise a brow at you. After a moment of silence, you sat back in your seat with a frown, before hearing Tsukishima mutter,”Sure.”
You just barely caught the answer before he was putting his headphones back on, and you couldn’t help but grin to yourself, the butterflies flying around in your stomach.
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Friendship
You hugged a pillow to your chest as you sat beside Tsukishima against the wall in the room where the club would be sleeping in. It was 8 o’clock and none of the boys were tired, so everyone sat around trying to pass the time. Tanaka and Nishinoya were wrestling with the other second years cheering them on, Hinata and Kageyama had gone to steal snacks from the kitchen, and Daichi, Sugawara, and Asahi conversed about school.
You sat quietly beside Tsukishima, who had his headphones on and was scrolling through his phone bored. Staring at him, Tsukishima caught you off guard by turning to meet your stare.
Squeezing the pillow tighter, you mumbled a,”Sorry,” before turning to look at anything else but him. You heard a sigh, before glancing back to see him removing his headphones.
“Staring’s rude, you know.”
You nodded in embarrassment, feeling your ears heating up. You mumbled,”I was just wondering what your listening to.” After hearing no response, your ears were suddenly engulfed by rock music, the sound of a guitar solo flooding your ears.
Looking back at Tsukishima, he was just pulling his hands away before you smiled widely, grinning ear to ear. You said,”This sounds cool!” You saw Tsukishima cringe, and you looked over to see half of the room staring at you.
Removing the headphones slowly and carefully, you handed them back as you muttered,”Thanks, I like your music. It sounds so cool!” Tsukishima nodded in agreement, but before he could put them back on, you asked,”Do you know how to play any instruments?”
He thought for a moment before silently shaking his head. You grinned, replying,”I know how to play the bass, you should come over and I can teach you some stuff! T-that is, if you want!” You caught yourself in your excitement, and the heat in your ears was returning when Tsukishima nodded in reply.
Grinning, you started to have a conversation with him about music, mainly you talking and him replying in short answers or just silent nods.
It looked pitiful from an outsiders perspective, but you took what you could and appreciated his responses, knowing you’re getting through his shell slowly but surely.
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Confidence
“I like girls with black hair, like Kiyoko!” Nishinoya exclaimed, bouncing a volleyball up and down. Tanaka was quick to hit the ball out of his hands, retorting,”The only girl with hair I’ll ever like is Kiyoko!” Everyone sighed at Tanaka’s idiotic comment, but you couldn’t help but laugh.
Nudging Kiyoko beside you, you jokingly asked,”What’s your type Kiyoko? Buzzcuts?” Tanaka looked at her with hope, before being crushed by Kiyoko’s response,”I prefer hair.” Chuckling at her response, you went to write on your clipboard, when Yachi tapped you,”W-what’s your type, (Y/N)?”
For a moment you met eyes with Tsukishima, before he quickly turned away. Smiling, you looked to her and said somewhat loudly,”I quite like blondes.” You glanced over to see Tsukishima look back to you, locking eyes. You stared with a type of confidence, before turning back to Yachi.
You didn’t know why, but her cheeks were tinted red as she averted her gaze.
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Confession
Sitting on your bed, you laughed as Tsukishima stubbornly denied your help as he tried to thrum some of the strings in a melodic way. His hands clumsily ran over the strings, despite you telling him his big hands were good for playing.
Scoffing as he played the cords wrong for the umpteenth time, he sighed, passing the bass back to you before snatching his phone. Taking the bass, you smiled softly, saying,”You’ll get better, just keep trying, it took me forever to learn it.”
Tsukishima kept his eyes on his phone as he asked,”How long have you been playing?”
Strumming the cords, you let out a whimsical sigh as you replied,”I’ve been playing since before I could remember. It just hooked me in, kinda like love at first sight, ya know?” You felt your cheeks heat up as you said those last words, almost regretting it. Yet Tsukishima said nothing, letting the silence envelope you both.
A minute passed before you asked softly, almost like you were hoping he wouldn’t answer,”Do you like anyone?” He looked up from his tapping, thumb halted mid-swipe as he stared at you. A moment passed before he answered,”I don’t know.” Nodding at his answer, you felt your cheeks heat up as he had yet to move his eyes away from yours.
After a moment, you felt your confidence raise slightly as you scooted beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder. You felt him tense slightly, but you didn’t back down, remembering the old man’s words from that day.
‘Don’t live your life with regrets...’ you thought to yourself.
“Can I do something?” You asked. When he said nothing but kept looking at you, you let a shuddery breath out, before closing the distance.
His lips were chapped, yet warm. And for a moment, it felt like he had kissed back.
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Distance
Rolling out the volleyball cart for today’s practice, you sighed as your eye pulsed, the bruising having gone down slightly but still noticeable. You ignored the sounds of everyone shuffling in to change, but you couldn’t ignore the confused noises of Tanaka beside you. Looking over, he grabbed your face, angrily asking,”Who did this to my boy?!”
Sighing, you pulled away as you replied,”I just ran into the door. I’m fine Tanaka,” Giving him a smile, he nodded, quickly finding interest in something else. You felt a sharp gaze on your back, but you ignored it to resume pushing the cart.
Soon, the sounds of volleyballs being hit filled the gymnasium, filling your thoughts. Sitting on your heels crouched down, you frowned as Tsukishima seemed to put less effort than usual into his jumps. Sighing, you pulled your gaze away as you felt a slight nudge to your back.
Turning half heartedly, you saw Kiyoko and Yachi, Kiyoko looking as calm as usual and Yachi averting her eyes. Standing up, you gave a soft smile as you asked,”Do you need something?”
Kiyoko clasped her hands around Yachi’s shoulders, bluntly saying,”She needs to talk to you.” Yachi turned red as she waved her hands in denial, but you ignored it as you responded,”Let’s go outside, I need some air.” Yachi nodded, following your lead as you two walked outside.
After shutting the door behind her, she turned to you nervously. Scratching your neck, you asked softly,”Is something wrong?” After a moment of fumbling with her words, she quickly exclaimed,”I like you, please go out with me!”
Staring in shock, you felt your mouth open in close, your stomach sinking. As she waited for her response, you looked towards the gym door, wondering if anyone heard.
Wondering if Tsukishima heard.
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Regret.
Walking hand in hand with Yachi towards the gym where the game would be held, you stopped by the restroom, letting her go. After an initial look of confusion from the girl, you said,”Just gotta pee. It’ll take a second, so go on ahead.” Yachi smiled and nodded, quickly walking inside the gym.
After she was out of earshot, your smile dropped and you sighed as you pushed the door open. Faltering as you saw Tsukishima washing his hands, you quickly passed him to enter a stall. Quietly leaning against the door, you pressed the heels of your palms against your eyes, taking a few deep breaths before deciding to acknowledge the elephant in the room.
Walking out, Tsukishima was about to leave before you grabbed the back of his jacket. He halted, and you quickly pulled your hand back. He turned and met you with his usual tough gaze, and you averted your eyes.
After a moment of thick silence, you mumbled,”I want to apologize for that day. I shouldn’t have kissed you.” You saw him cross his arms, but you continued,”I understand if you don’t accept my apology. Just wanted to let you know I regret it.”
“Oh?” Tsukishima started. You looked up shamefully to see him grinning at you. “After you kiss me you run off and get a beard. I don’t think you’re really sorry, just embarrassed.”
Staring agape at him, your eyes burned with tears as you stuttered,”I-I’m truthfully sorry. A-and I didn’t, I like Yachi-“ “Oh, please. Everyone can see it’s a facade. A pretty bad one, too. Just spare Yachi the time and leave her, it’s obvious you don’t like her.”
“But I do!” You exclaimed.
“Tell me something you like about her.”
“She’s kind, a-and-“ “Or is it because she’s blonde? After all, you seem to like blondes I recall.”
You grimaced as he held a grin, before you angrily responded,”I did all this because I liked you. I regret it all, Tsukishima. You no good, petty bastard.” Bumping shoulders with him, you rubbed the tears threatening to escape from your eyes and quickly headed towards the exit.
Searching for Yachi, your eyes widened as you saw Tsukishima somehow already there, talking to her, Yachi having a look of anguish. They both seemed to sense your presence, turning to look at you. Yachi seemed to tear up at the sight of you, and you didn’t miss Tsukishima’s smirk. You quickly turned around and left the gym.
Running out to the parking lot, you looked around before taking out into a jog. You didn’t know where you were going, but it was better than where you were.
After running for almost 15 minutes, you stumbled to a bench, before holding your face. Letting the tears finally flow, you felt your stomach churn at everything.
Thinking back to the old man that day, you wished you had never locked eyes with Tsukishima. You wished you had never signed up to be a manager, or had met Yachi, or had met the team. You spitefully chuckled at your last thought.
You regretted everything.