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Helian Yi was bedridden for weeks. He could scarcely feel anything during that time, his body drifting in and out of consciousness. Sometimes he could hear the sounds of servants hurriedly entering in and out of the room, the imperial physician examining his pulse, being fed medicine, and the quiet murmured discussion.

‘Will he survive?’ That was the question on everyone’s minds. He had been in perfect health, there was no reason he should fall so ill after a heavy rain. No one, not even the imperial physician, could explain why he looked as if he was at death’s door.

Things were just as eventful outside. With the emperor indisposed, people were unsure of what to do, the court turning chaotic and each person trying to grab power for themselves. The imperial physician’s face grew more grave every day, and in their hearts, people understood. The emperor will not make it.

Helian Yi, whose only conscious thoughts were of that person and the jade rabbits, breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe now he could follow that person.

In the early autumn, the emperor closed his eyes and breathed his last.

…

Helian Yi thought the afterlife would be more peaceful.

Instead of the quiet he hoped for, things were just as loud and hectic as they were before his death. He could still hear people’s hushed chatter, as if they were afraid of him hearing them, and quick footsteps running all over the place.

He struggled to open his eyes. When he did, he saw that he was still in a lavish room, and servants immediately rushed over to him. A man who Helian Yi recognized as the late Imperial Physician checked his pulse and let out a breath. “His Highness is recovering,” he said, and everyone’s faces showed the same look of relief.

Did I not die? was the first thought on Helian Yi’s mind. A look around the room and at the Imperial Physician made him dismiss the thought. If he did not die, he would not be in this room, which he faintly remembers as being his old room, and the Imperial Physician would not be alive. He would not be called His Highness anymore, either.

Stretching out his limbs, which were much shorter than he remembered, confirmed his suspicion. He has indeed died, and he was reborn back into his own body. The thought was hard to believe at first. He had not heard of a case of someone being reborn back to their younger self, but what else could explain this? The only other alternative he could think of was that his past life was simply a long, vivid dream.

Only one thought of his past life, of that person, was needed for him to know it could not be a dream.

He ignored the stabbing pain in his heart and turned to one of the servants who was standing quietly by the side. “What day is it now? Have I been sick for long?”

The servant quickly shook his head and answered, “Your Highness has been bedridden for a day now. You passed out the day before yesterday and slept all of yesterday. Today is the fifteenth day of the seventh month.”

Helian Yi then dismissed the servant. He considered asking for more information, then promptly dismissed the idea. It wouldn’t do to show off his ignorance, or else his brothers may take this opportunity to act against him. Observing quietly was better.

He tried to leave the bed, but the Imperial Physician insisted that he must still get some rest. He didn’t argue. He did feel tired and he wasn’t sure what he would do even if he did see that person now.

When he closed his eyes, tiredness overtook him and he fell asleep at once. The next day, he felt much better and decided he could set off on his visit. First, though, he must deal with his family who had come to check on him.

Helian Zhao did not bother to come at all, and Helian Qi’s dismay at how healthy he seemed flashed on his face for a moment before he hid it and expressed his joy at his brother’s recovery. Helian Yi thanked him and spoke with polite, cold words.

It was his father’s visit that was most significant. Helian Pei’s look of relief was a sharp contrast to Helian Qi’s unhappiness. Helian Yi was not close to his father, but their relationship was not entirely cold either. Helian Pei treated him well when they spoke.

Helian Pei sat by his bedside and started questioning him on his health. “Are you feeling better now? When I heard that you had passed out, I went to see you as soon as I could. So many people dying and falling ill, it worries me.”

“What do you mean? What happened?” Helian Yi’s inquiry had a specific aim, and it was to find out what year he was in through finding out who had died recently. For his father to mention it, the person who died must be someone of importance. If only Helian Yi can recall when they died in his previous life, then he can know at what point he was reborn.

Helian Pei shook his head, looking as if he didn’t wish to talk about it, but he spoke anyway, “You must have forgotten from your illness. Mingzhe had died a week ago, today is his First Seventh. Then, Beiyuan fell ill after him. It must have been grief that made him ill. I told his servants they don’t need to trouble him and I will take care of arranging Mingzhe’s funeral in his place.”

Beiyuan was ill. These words were the first thing to hit him and they momentarily scared him, before he calmed down again. Jing Beiyuan wouldn’t die from a fever as a child. His body wasn’t so frail, and nothing of the sort happened in his first life. He got carried away.

Recollecting his thoughts, he was able to get a proper idea of the year and time. He should be around fourteen or fifteen years old. This Mingzhe his father spoke of, was the Prince of Nanning, Jing Lianyu. The father of Jing Beiyuan, who passed away when his son was still a youth, leaving him with no relations, the heir of Nanning at only ten years of age.

The death had happened in his first life too, and it surprised no one. Helian Yi remembered telling Jing Beiyuan to not be too grieved because his father must have wished to die and follow his wife to the afterlife.

Jing Beiyuan looked at him with that mysterious expression he could never understand and said, “But Your Highness, I’m not grieving.”

He couldn’t recall if Jing Beiyuan had fallen ill during that time. He didn’t think so. This might have been a change in this new lifetime, even if he couldn’t understand why it happened.

Helian Pei, seeing that Helian Yi was lost in thoughts, sighed and stood up. “I’ll have to go now to prepare Mingzhe’s funeral. The physician has said that your condition is stable and you’ll recover quickly, so just get some rest.”

With that, Helian Pei left the room and Helian Yi sat in place contemplating for a bit longer. He was reborn now. There was nothing that said this lifetime must end the same way his first did. A new lifetime, a new chance. But for what? To not wrong the person who had been wholeheartedly devoted to him in his first life?

Helian Yi pushed away these thoughts and stood up. One of the servants tried to get him to stay in bed longer, but he brushed them off. He needed to see that person now, especially after learning that he was ill.

He got into the carriage and ordered the carriage driver to go to Nanning estate. He sat quietly, waiting to make the short trip between the palace and the estate, his heart thrumming with anticipation.

Soon, someone announced their arrival, and Helian Yi got off the carriage. He rushed into the estate, startling the servants he passed by. He couldn’t think about proper decorum now, when that person was so close by.

When he entered his room, he was shocked to see how feverish and ill he looked. Helian Yi accidentally broke a vase in his rush, and he ran to his bedside and put his hands on his forehead, yelling, “Call for the physician immediately, his body is burning!”

One of the servants, Helian Yi vaguely thought he was called Ping An, nodded in fear and went to call for the physician. Helian Yi’s anger dissipated after a few moments, and he turned his gaze to look at the person lying on the bed.

Jing Beiyuan, the person he had not seen for so many years, except in his mind’s eye. The person who he loved, and who loved him back.

Helian Yi closed his eyes. And, the person whose death he had ordered himself.

He looked so young now. Helian Yi was aware that he didn’t look much older, but in his mind, he had already lived for many decades, while this Beiyuan only lived one.

Jing Beiyuan began to stir, and slowly woke up. He looked at Helian Yi with a dazed expression, as if he wasn’t entirely there. The fever must have been clouding his mind. Helian Yi asked him in a soft voice, “Are you feeling all right? Don’t worry, the physician will be coming here soon.”

His question received no reply. Jing Beiyuan continued staring at him, his gaze gaining more clarity. Something about it made Helian Yi feel strange, but he couldn’t explain what.

Perhaps he still couldn’t take the guilt of knowing what he did to that person. Helian Yi ignored that thought, and turned to inquire to the servants about whether the medicine was done brewing. One of them assured him it will be done very soon.

Jing Beiyuan then started to move, trying to sit straight and said, “Your Highness…”

Helian Yi pressed him back to lie down on the bed, saying, “No need to bother with courtesy, just get some rest.”

Jing Beiyuan nodded and didn’t move anymore. Helian Yi also didn’t move or speak. Neither of them had anything to say, only looking at the other as if they haven’t seen them in decades rather than days. They both seemed so young and naive to the other.

He was only ten, and already alone in the world, Helian Yi thought.

Helian Yi stroked Jing Beiyuan’s hair. “Your parents passed away too soon, it’s normal to feel upset by the loss. But we’ll always have a place for you in the palace. If you want, I’m sure father would be happy to allow you to move in.”

Jing Beiyuan took a while to reply again. He expected this to happen, but he didn’t expect Helian Yi to be so direct about it. “Thanks to Your Highness for your offer, but I’ll be fine. I think being at home will be best for me during this time.”

“If you say so,” Helian Yi said, sighing. He worried for Jing Beiyuan being alone, but he didn’t want to push this matter either. Maybe he can see if he’ll change his mind after several days. If not, he can always visit and keep an eye on him.

It took Helian Yi a while to leave. He didn’t feel comfortable leaving until the medicine was done and the physician arrived.

“I’ll come check on you again soon,” Helian Yi said.

Jing Beiyuan nodded, a slight smile on his face. When the door closed behind Helian Yi, he stopped smiling and his expression changed into one of deep exhaustion.

He did not want to live through this life again, and he did not want to be betrayed by Helian Yi again.

But fate, Jing Beiyuan knew, cared very little for what he thought.

…

Jing Beiyuan didn’t change his mind, nor did he even visit the palace. He had told Helian Yi that, as he had already inherited his father’s title, he can no longer be his study companion either. In fact, he seldom left the house, and spent most of his day asleep. Helian Yi would try and catch him awake without much success. It made him concerned. This tired, almost lifeless Jing Beiyuan was not like the one he remembered.

That was why, after a while of this happening with no improvement, Helian Yi decided to stay the night in the Nanning estate. He neglected to tell anyone, and justified it easily. He was concerned for Jing Beiyuan, who had just lost both his parents. At most, his father would lightly scold him for this.

At this time, he was only a child, and so was Jing Beiyuan. He could put his duties as the crown prince aside for a moment to make sure he’s fine.

Helian Yi came early in the day, when Jing Beiyuan was still sleeping. He stayed anyway, and Ping An found him a place to stay and brought him some tea to drink.

“This is enough,” Helian Yi said when he noticed Ping An didn’t leave, and kept glancing at him furtively. “If Beiyuan wakes up, then inform me. Otherwise, I don’t need anything else for the time being.”

Ping An nodded and left the room. Helian Yi was now the only one left there, quietly passing the time, waiting for Jing Beiyuan.

A few hours passed, and Ping An came in again to tell him that Jing Beiyuan finally woke up. Helian Yi left to go see him in his room, his demeanor calm and poised. Looking at him, Ping An thought the crown prince was so young, yet he still had the air of a future emperor, more so than Ping An remembered in the past. It was a complete mismatch with Jing Beiyuan, who had become more frivolous and careless.

When Helian Yi entered the room, Jing Beiyuan was sitting on the bed, the traces of sleepiness had not left completely. Instead of looking well rested after all the sleep he had, he looked as if he’d need yet another day of rest.

“You slept all day, and you still look as if you want to sleep more. Did your fever still not go away?” Helian Yi asked.

Jing Beiyuan shook his head. “No, my fever is gone. It’s only that I find myself completely exhausted all the time. I fall asleep as soon as I lay down, and when I attempt to do anything, I feel too tired to do it. Perhaps I have been afflicted with a rare disease.”

“Stop that kind of talk.” Helian Yi walked up to Jing Beiyuan’s side and measured his temperature. It was as he said, there were no more signs of the fever. “The problem is that you spend all day locked up in your manor, laying around in bed. If you live your life like that, of course you’ll always feel tired.”

“So Your Highness’s prescription is for me to go out more?” Jing Beiyuan’s tone was light and teasing. “Ah, but I really don’t want to. Lately, I’ve been starting to feel that this is all very meaningless. Even if I pass all my time sleeping, what difference does it make?”

Jing Beiyuan expected Helian Yi to continue to scold him, saying he was being irresponsible and not caring enough for his station. Unexpectedly, Helian Yi did not say any of that. Instead, he frowned in concern.

Helian Yi did not talk, as if he was pondering what to say next. Then, he sighed and said, “Beiyuan, are you still grieving for your father’s passing?”

Jing Beiyuan was surprised by the question, and before he could reply, Helian Yi continued talking, “I understand it must be very difficult for you. When I lost my mother, I too… What I mean to say is it can feel difficult to go on, but you’re still young. You have a long future ahead of you.”

I need you by my side, he considered saying in the end. He didn’t. Considering what he did in his previous life, he didn’t believe he had the right to say that, even if it was true.

Jing Beiyuan didn’t know what to think in response to Helian Yi’s words. His first thought was, ‘Since when did he start talking like that?’

His second thought was that he already lived a long life, much longer than the little Helian Yi in front of him. He was no longer interested in any ‘bright futures filled with potential’.

But he didn’t say any of that. He just smiled, and said, “Thank you for your words. I’ll keep them in mind.”

Both of them knew he wouldn’t, and he’ll likely forget these words as soon as Helian Yi left the room.

He does not take anyone’s concern to heart. Helian Yi found this trait of his to be endlessly frustrating. A part of him wished he could force the other one to no longer be so careless like that.

With some struggle, Helian Yi added, “Good. I worry about you.”

“There’s no reason to worry.”

Jing Beiyuan was still smiling. Helian Yi thought it looked a little sad, but that must be his imagination. He knew the past, but that did not mean Jing Beiyuan did. He was overthinking this.

Soon, Jing Beiyuan fell asleep again. Helian Yi had left the room for a second, and that was enough time for him to fall into deep sleep. Instead of leaving back to the palace, Helian Yi stayed in the room with Jing Beiyuan. He grabbed a book and sat there, waiting for him to wake up.

Helian Yi wasn’t sure what happened after that. He must have accidentally fallen asleep. He was planning on staying in Nanning estate, not falling asleep in a chair next to Jing Beiyuan’s bed.

Jing Beiyuan, who had woken up, was surprised to see Helian Yi sleeping like that. His posture lacked the usual poise, making him look less like the crown prince and more like a normal child.

Once, Jing Beiyuan would have given everything he had for him. This time, Jing Beiyuan wanted to stay away, the lingering traces of fear from six lifetimes of pain impossible to erase. Even knowing Helian Yi was still a child at this point, and the affection he held for Jing Beiyuan was pure and not yet tainted, he couldn’t let go of the fear.

But looking at Helian Yi like this and thinking over his behavior today, Jing Beiyuan’s heart, reluctantly, against his will, still softened. Six lifetimes worth of pain cannot be erased, but neither can six lifetimes worth of affection.

Jing Beiyuan remembered his first life clearly. To say that Helian Yi had never shown him affection or kindness would be a lie. They shared a good relationship that was only poisoned years later. But Jing Beiyuan cannot think of a time when Helian Yi had reached out to him like this, when he stuck by his side day after day out of concern, and even fell asleep by the side of his bed waiting for him to wake up.

He was tired, and his love had been used up, yet here was Helian Yi, clinging to him so closely as if he didn’t wish for them to ever be separated.

Jing Beiyuan’s throat was dry, he swallowed with difficulty. “Why do you have to make this hard for me?”

His question, of course, received no answer.

He was a child of ten, but at that moment, he looked like someone much older.

…

Months passed, and Helian Yi didn’t become any less clingy. He maintained some level of distance and formality as befitting of the crown prince, but he took every opportunity that he could to visit Jing Beiyuan.

Jing Beiyuan was at a loss. Helian Yi was never like this in his first life, the change took some adjusting to. It was understandable, though. With Jing Beiyuan’s attempts to disentangle himself from their relationship, Helian Yi was left with no one to talk to or confide in. It must have frustrated him.

Once, Jing Beiyuan had asked him directly, “Why do you come here all the time? All I do is sleep, I can barely keep you company.”

Helian Yi looked up at Jing Beiyuan and said after a moment, “I just like being here.”

These words felt like they carried more meaning than Jing Beiyuan could fully understand. He didn’t bother to push Helian Yi to explain.

On Jing Beiyuan’s birthday, Jing Beiyuan declined to host any kind of party. He was still sent gifts, of course, and Helian Yi came to gift him a jade carving.

It’s been a year since he has been reborn, Jing Beiyuan reflected, and he was still unsure of the direction his life would go this time.

He was in a melancholic mood throughout the day. He tried his best to not let it show and acted as he usually did. It wouldn’t do to ruin the day by being overly gloomy.

Helian Yi caught a glimpse of it in Jing Beiyuan’s face and thought, this is his first birthday after his family has died. It must be very lonely.

He wasn’t one to be overly concerned with birthdays, only thinking up appropriate gifts to send to people. Since his mother has died, the only one who actually cared much about when his birthday passed was Jing Beiyuan. The least Helian Yi could do was to extend that back to him.

“You’re so undemanding today,” Helian Yi said. “It’s your birthday, and yet you’re uninterested in all the gifts you received. If you had a wish, I’m sure father would be happy to grant it.”

Jing Beiyuan laughed a little at that. What is there to wish for?

“If I said I wanted to live away from everyone and spend all my days idle, do you think he would grant that?”

Helian Yi replied immediately, “You ask if he can grant it, as if that’s not already what you do? You don’t need anyone’s permission for that. Even if he didn’t permit it, you would simply ignore him.”

“Well then, there’s nothing he can do for me. That is really all I wish for,” Jing Beiyuan said.

“That… that’s not a bad wish,” Helian Yi said after some deliberation.

Jing Beiyuan only wished for that now because he was a child who didn’t understand the world. All the tedium and work of court seemed boring and unnecessary to him. At this stage in his life, he would want to rest and play.

But as someone who’s lived for several decades, he understood that a quiet life with someone you love was a rare gift that many could not obtain. It was something he knew he could never get for himself.

As one grows up, they start becoming confused and clouded by life, losing touch with what really matters. It’s only when it’s too late that they can look back and realize they have thrown away what’s important for the sake of something trivial.

Jing Beiyuan, whose face never left his memory, for Su Qingluan, who he could not recall at all. All he could see of her was a side profile, and when she turned around, it was Jing Beiyuan instead.

His heart ached. In this life, he would give anything for the other one to be happy.

“In a few years, you’ll grow up and have to enter court,” Helian Yi said in a quiet voice. “That’s not possible to avoid, but if you want, I’ll make sure you don’t have to participate much in these affairs.”

Jing Beiyuan’s face showed a trace of surprise and contemplativeness, then it passed in the blink of an eye, and Jing Beiyuan had his mischievous smile on again. “I won’t have to go to court for a few more years, and you’re already talking about that? I can feel myself becoming more tired just thinking about it.”

“All right, all right, no more talk of that then,” Helian Yi said, quickly giving in to Jing Beiyuan. He still wanted to discuss the topic of Jing Beiyuan coming to court, but it was true that he’s still young and wouldn’t go for several years. They could always discuss it later, and for the time being, Jing Beiyuan can continue enjoying himself however he pleases.

They spent the rest of their day together, and Helian Yi stayed over once again. He didn’t want Jing Beiyuan to feel lonely, and he didn’t want to leave either.

Jing Beiyuan didn’t object, and when Helian Yi fell asleep, he looked over him briefly, deep in thought, before going to sleep too.

He was starting to remember why he fell in love.

…

More months passed, Nanjiang lost the war, and now they’ve brought the Young Sorcerer from their tribe as a political prisoner. Helian Yi was surprised by this; it wasn’t something he remembered happening in his first life. As much as he went through his memories, there was no sign of that Young Sorcerer anywhere in them.

He would have to keep an eye on him then, in case anything happened in the future. For now, there wasn’t much to worry about. The Young Sorcerer, Wu Xi, was even younger than Jing Beiyuan. Helian Pei has also talked about his hopes that he and Jing Beiyuan could befriend Wu Xi.

On the surface, his comment was because they were close in age, and he was worried Jing Beiyuan may still be grieving his family’s loss. Helian Yi knew better than to dismiss it as simply that. In truth, it was a rare sign of his father’s genuine concern for him.

Helian Yi was the crown prince, but the path ahead of him was riddled with danger and difficulty. His two elder brothers wanted the throne for themself, and they had their own allies and backing. Helian Yi was young, still establishing himself in court. His father must be worried that one day, Helian Yi would no longer be safe in the capital. In that case, if he managed to form a friendship with this Young Sorcerer from Nanjiang, he could have a place to seek shelter if he was in danger.

It moved Helian Yi’s heart, his affection for his father appearing once again. In his first life, he believed what everyone has said: his father cared more for his newest pet than he did for his youngest son. Now, he could see it was not true.

“Have you met this Young Sorcerer yet?” Helian Yi asked Jing Beiyuan.

Jing Beiyuan, who was forcibly awakened by Helian Yi, yawned and shook his head. “I have had the opportunity to speak to him briefly when he arrived in the capital, but I have not seen him or spoken to him since.”

“It is the same for me. The Young Sorcerer is very reclusive and does not like to entertain guests,” Helian Yi said.

That day in court, Helian Yi felt a strong sense of frustration overcome him as he watched the court lose itself over the Young Sorcerer’s brazen antics. He had been Emperor for so long, he forgot how it felt like to be the powerless crown prince who was the court’s laughingstock. He had even more control now than he did when he was a child, but the sense of helplessness was keener than before.

It is harder to lose something than to never have it in the first place.

He was able to conceal his emotions and stayed for the rest of the meeting, and after he briefly talked to Wu Xi. Jing Beiyuan must have approached him after that.

“Are you going to suggest we should drop by and pay a visit to the Young Sorcerer?” Jing Beiyuan asked.

Helian Yi smiled at him. “If you have already guessed, then what are we waiting for? Let’s get ready and leave now. I’ve already told my servants to prepare gifts for the both of us, so you don’t need to worry about that.”

In his first life, Helian Yi would have probably not bothered visiting Wu Xi if he was present there too. He was much more cautious, and rarely liked to appear or speak in front of others. In this life, he still maintained some of that cautiousness; he understood his position, after all, and he was no longer emperor. However, knowing he would become emperor if everything went as it did in his first life eased his worries, so he focused on making sure things went the same.

So of course, he had to keep an eye on this new variable to make sure he did not cause trouble for him. Getting Wu Xi on his side would be an added bonus, and if he could not do that, having him stay neutral would be fine too.

Jing Beiyuan reluctantly went to get ready, making a few complaints, “Do we have to go now? If the Young Sorcerer is so reclusive, he may not want to see people without prior notice. We could go another day.”

“If he doesn’t wish to have guests, then we can always leave and come back later. We won’t impose ourselves on him.”

If this was said about any other person, it would obviously be some meaningless polite words. Helian Yi could say they ‘won’t impose themselves’ on someone, but when the crown prince and Nanning prince came to visit someone, refusing their visit without good reason would be a big offense. No one sensible would reject them.

Wu Xi, however, might be an exception. He was from Nanjiang and unfamiliar with the customs of Da Qing, and more importantly, he was honest to a fault. From their short conversation, and what he heard from others, Helian Yi had come to the conclusion that Wu Xi was not the type to ever lie or conceal his feelings. If he disliked someone or didn’t want to do something, he would say it straightforwardly.

So this time, when Helian Yi said they would leave if Wu Xi did not want them, he meant it. He didn’t want to cause trouble with him, even if he did not necessarily have a favorable impression either.

Helian Yi and Jing Beiyuan entered a carriage, which took them to the guest post where Wu Xi was staying. One of their servants went to announce their arrival, and the person who seemed to be the housekeeper of the guest post went in to inform Wu Xi.

Soon, Wu Xi stepped out from the guest post, with two men following him. From their appearance, it was clear they were also Nanjiang people. Helian Yi and Jing Beiyuan left the carriage to meet them.

After exchanging greetings, Helian Yi said, “I hope we haven’t bothered you with our unexpected visit. Beiyuan and myself wanted to check on you and see how you were doing.”

Wu Xi looked like he was unsure of what to say, then slowly answered back, “It is no problem.” After a pause, he added, “Do you want to come inside?”

Jing Beiyuan smiled and agreed, so they went inside to sit and ordered drinks. Wu Xi continued to be rigid, it was easy to tell he felt uncomfortable and out of place. Helian Yi didn’t talk much either, focusing on observing Wu Xi. This left Jing Beiyuan to do most of the talking and ease the tension. If someone didn’t know Jing Beiyuan, they would think he was completely unaware of the tension.

“How are you liking it in the capital so far? You still have to live in the guest post for the time being, but don’t worry, I’m sure your manor will be finished soon. It will be close to mine so I’ll make sure to visit you often.”

Wu Xi seemed a little overwhelmed by Jing Beiyuan’s talkativeness. He answered the first question, “The capital is fine. It is different from Nanjiang, so I am not used to it.”

“Oh? Different in what sense? Tell me more about Nanjiang,” Jing Beiyuan asked.

“It’s a lot bigger than Nanjiang. There are more people here too. I didn’t imagine so many people could be living together like this before. Nanjiang is surrounded by dense forests, and it’s foggy all throughout the year. Very different from here.”

As Wu Xi started talking about Nanjiang, he became more comfortable too. He didn’t say it outright, but one could see that he missed his home and wished to go back.

Unfortunately for him, he will not get to go back for several more years. Helian Yi thought this Young Sorcerer was a little pitiful. He was young, away from home and people he knew, and living in a strange, hostile place.

The thought left soon after it came. The Young Sorcerer might be pitiful, but that was of no concern to Helian Yi. In this world, there were countless pitiful people. Helian Yi couldn’t concern himself with all of them, especially not a foreigner. It was enough to place the country in his eyes.

Helian Yi turned to look at Jing Beiyuan. The country and one person, he corrected himself.

After Wu Xi talked a bit about Nanjiang, Helian Yi thought he should speak too and said, “Da Qing’s capital is very far away from Nanjiang, of course it’s understandable to miss it and wish to go back. However, I hope you’ll become more comfortable here. We don’t want you to feel unwelcome.”

“Yes, and if you ever need anything, you can always come to us,” Jing Beiyuan said with a smile.

Wu Xi hesitantly thanked them, but they got the impression he was not planning on taking up their offer.

On the way back to Nanning Wang estate, Jing Beiyuan commented to Helian Yi, “I don’t think he feels very comfortable around us.”

“Wouldn’t it be stranger if he did?” Helian Yi replied. “To him, we’re the enemy. I think he might never like us even after five years, let alone now when he hasn’t been here more than a month.”

Jing Beiyuan nodded at first, looking thoughtful, then his expression turned mischievous and he said, “I think it must have been you. You seem too formal and unapproachable. If it was just me, I am sure I would have won him over.”

“You…” Helian Yi shook his head and didn’t refute that. It wasn’t really wrong either. Jing Beiyuan was good at charming people.

…

At fifteen, Jing Beiyuan reached the age where he had to start going to court and contributing to the country’s affairs. He could no longer stay idle and waste away all his time in his estate sleeping.

That idea did not excite Jing Beiyuan. It would have been easier to stay a ten year old child forever, letting other people take care of things. He wasn’t sure he had it in him to be invested in the country’s affairs anymore. Helian Pei and Helian Yi have both even hinted that if he didn’t wish to participate in court, they would not force him.

The thought sounded nice. He was tempted to accept it. But could he accept either Helian Zhao or Helian Qi taking over the throne?

The country would not fare well under either of their rules. Helian Zhao was brainless and mostly concerned about war. A future under him would have the country pulled into endless conflicts for his own glory while the people suffer. Helian Qi was cleverer, more scheming and the tougher opponent, but he was cruel and ruthless, primarily interested in his own benefit. Helian Yi could be cruel and ruthless too, but he always had the country and the people first in his heart. He knew that under his rule, the country prospered into a golden age, and he was remembered as a great ruler for many generations and dynasties to come.

And, he couldn’t help but think of the fate that boy would suffer if he loses in the fight to the throne. The boy who has recently become an adult, looking more and more like he remembered him. He struggled so much to get this far. Would Jing Beiyuan abandon him to fate?

Thinking about all this gave him a headache. How nice it would be if he was born under a different name, living a simple life, falling in love with an ordinary person.

This thought sparked another idea in his mind. Next week was the New Year, and there will be a fair in the capital. Everyone would come out to celebrate. He could join too, and he didn’t have to go alone.

He stopped by Wu Xi’s house, promising to show him the festival this year. That boy has been here a few years now, and Jing Beiyuan was sure he never took part in the celebrations before. He was always locked up in his mansion, scarcely leaving or talking to outsiders.

Jing Beiyuan couldn’t blame him either. The New Year was a time to spend with family, and he was far away from home with no one to trust. The least Jing Beiyuan could do for him was to help him feel less lonely and isolated that day.

Wu Xi agreed surprisingly quickly when Jing Beiyuan offered to show him the city. There was none of the hesitance he expected, only a simple, “Okay.”

That was one part of the plan done. The other part is probably the harder one.

“Your Highness,” Jing Beiyuan said, dragging his words a bit. “I don’t want to go to the banquet for New Year.”

Helian Yi snapped out of his daze and replied, “Then don’t go.”

Ah. That was easier than Jing Beiyuan expected.

“That’s really okay?” Jing Beiyuan asked.

“I’m worried you might feel lonely,” Helian Yi said. “After all, you… you don’t have anyone to spend the New Year with you at home now. But the palace banquet isn’t much better, I suppose.”

This was one thing Jing Beiyuan has noticed since he woke up in this life again. This Helian Yi was different from the one he remembered. He wasn’t sure what it was exactly. More mature and calm, in a way. Helian Yi always cared a sense of grace and dignity, but when he was a child, it was more put on than genuine. In this life, it seemed completely real.

Maybe that’s the air of one born to be emperor, Jing Beiyuan thought.

The stranger difference, though, was his attitudes towards Jing Beiyuan. He was attached to Jing Beiyuan, following and chasing him constantly, and he was never as scolding as he used to be. He would still tell off Jing Beiyuan if he’s been sleeping too much, or neglecting his health and studies, but when it came to other things, there was a sense of indulgence, as if he was happy to grant Jing Beiyuan what he wished.

That indulgence and affection in his eyes both excited and scared Jing Beiyuan. Even after six lifetimes, he was still a fool.

“There will be a festival. I want to go there,” Jing Beiyuan said. “You join me.”

Helian Yi paused when he heard this. “I’ll have to attend the banquet,” he told Jing Beiyuan. “I won’t be able to come for the beginning of the festivities. But if you’re willing to wait, we can meet.”

“Let’s meet by the river.”

With that, Helian Yi and Jing Beiyuan have sealed their agreement to meet for the New Year and celebrate the festival together. Jing Beiyuan passed his days idly, and when the day of the banquet came, he sent his servants to inform the emperor that he was sick and could not come. Helian Pei was disappointed, but did not press the issue.

That was the first step. The second was to wait until dark, change to plain clothes, and then go to the Young Sorcerer’s manor to take Wu Xi away with him. When he arrived and called for Wu Xi to come, Wu Xi was surprised by this.

So he only agreed so easily because he did not think I was serious, Jing Beiyuan thought to himself.

It didn’t matter. Wu Xi came with him anyway, and he wasn’t wearing his veil today either. This was the first time Jing Beiyuan had seen him without that veil. It turned out that he did not wear it all the time as Jing Beiyuan originally thought.

When they arrived, Jing Beiyuan started showing Wu Xi the place while Wu Xi followed him quietly, his gaze following wherever Jing Beiyuan pointed. The festival was truly different from what Wu Xi was used to. It was both novel and overwhelming.

Jing Beiyuan tugged at Wu Xi. “Come, we need to go to the river.”

Wu Xi didn’t question him and followed obediently. He wasn’t sure why they were heading there, but he was trusting Jing Beiyuan for the night. He was more knowledgeable about this than Wu Xi was.

“We’re going to meet someone by the river,” Jing Beiyuan explained.

That answer was enough for Wu Xi. He was curious about who the person was, but judging by the smile on Jing Beiyuan’s face, he wasn’t going to reveal their identity. He will have to wait to see who it is.

Suddenly, as they were waiting by the river, the whistling of a flute sounded, quieting the chattering people on the streets. Soon, the streets went from being lively and full of noise to quiet with only sounds of whispers and people walking. The crowds of people also started gathering around the river.

Wu Xi became confused, and voiced his thought, “Why are there people gathering by the river?”

Jing Beiyuan furrowed his brows and did not reply. He thought it over for a while then said, “I don’t know. I remember there’s a big event towards this time, but I can’t remember it.”

Wu Xi nodded, focusing his attention on the river now to see what everyone is watching. It must be something worthy of notice if everyone is coming to watch it.

Then, a quiet voice came from near them, “Beiyuan.”

Jing Beiyuan and Wu Xi turned around quickly. Jing Beiyuan relaxed when he saw that it was Helian Yi and smiled. Wu Xi, on the other hand, still felt a bit on edge. He did not recognize this person, and he wasn’t sure it was good for Jing Beiyuan to have someone who recognized him while he sneaked out to join this festival.

“Your Highness!” Jing Beiyuan’s voice was also quiet, not wishing to bring any attention to them.

Helian Yi smiled at Jing Beiyuan, then he looked at the person standing by his side. He felt this person looked vaguely familiar, but he could not remember where he saw him before.

Jing Beiyuan looked between Helian Yi and Wu Xi. “You two have met before, but it doesn’t seem like you recognize each other now? It doesn’t matter, I’ll introduce you. Wu Xi, this is His Royal Highness the Crown Prince. He agreed to come meet me for this festival. Your Highness, this is Wu Xi, the Young Sorcerer from Nanjiang.”

Helian Yi and Wu Xi paid their respect to each other, their manner distant and appraising. They had indeed met before, a few years ago. They grew up since then and their appearance changed, making it hard for them to recognize the other now. Helian Yi has grown into a more graceful, adultlike look, while Wu Xi retained a trace of childishness which made him look younger than he actually was. He looked younger than Jing Beiyuan even though they were close in age.

When Wu Xi first arrived, Helian Yi was apprehensive and kept a close eye on him. Soon, he saw that Wu Xi was unconcerned with Da Qing’s politics, and Jing Beiyuan told him not to worry about it, so he let his guard down. Meeting the Young Sorcerer again at such an occasion, it was a surprise.

After the introductions were done, Jing Beiyuan asked Helian Yi, “What are all these people gathering here for? I completely forgot this event.”

At this, Helian Yi’s expression unexpectedly turned sour. He grabbed a hold of Jing Beiyuan’s sleeve and pushed him away from the river. “Let’s not bother with that. There are more entertaining things to do now.”

Jing Beiyuan became more determined to find out after receiving this answer. “We don’t have to see, but it can’t hurt you to tell me? You know this is new for me, I’m unfamiliar with the celebrations here and I want to learn more.”

Looking at Jing Beiyuan’s face, Helian Yi could not help giving in. He explained, “The Lady of the Moon is going to appear soon. She is the top beauty of the capital, and everyone wants to catch a glimpse of her face.”

“Oh! If that’s the case, then we can’t miss it, can we? I’m sure Wu Xi will be excited to see her too.”

Wu Xi, who was not excited to see her, did not say anything in response. In his heart, he felt that these two were very close and familiar, one could see at a glance that they have known each other for years and hold a deep relationship. He was an outsider who did not belong here. His earlier joy started dissipating and he did not know what to do.

Helian Yi hesitated once again, then acquiesced. “If that’s what you want, then I’ll find us a boat at a good spot.” He turned and looked at a man standing behind him, who had gone by unnoticed earlier. “Zishu, please find us a good boat.”

The man nodded and slipped into the crowds, disappearing like he was never there. He had the sort of presence that was difficult to notice even if he was in front of you, and even harder to remember when he left.

Hearing the man’s name had started Jing Beiyuan for a moment. His eyes widened and he gave him a sharp look. Then, as if nothing had happened, he smoothed his features back to normal, a slight smile on his face.

Helian Yi noticed this, and felt a pang of discomfort in his chest.

In the past life, it was Zhou Zishu who had gathered the list of crimes which Jing Beiyuan was charged with.

Jing Beiyuan had no way of knowing this, so his reaction could not be related to it. It was more likely that Jing Beiyuan was surprised he didn’t even notice Zhou Zishu. Knowing all of this, however, did not stop the worry in his heart.

His eyes bore into Jing Beiyuan’s placidly smiling face, as if wanting to dig deep into his head and see what’s inside. Do you remember? He silently asked.

He didn’t receive a reply.

In any case, he shouldn’t bring over the troubles of the past life to this one. Jing Beiyuan and Zhou Zishu enjoyed a close friendship, and he was the one responsible for what happened. It would be good if they could have a good relationship now too.

It didn’t take long for Zhou Zishu to come back. “I have secured a small boat with a good view. I’m afraid I missed out on the one with the best view, but this one is good too.”

Everyone nodded and followed him to the boat he had secured. As Helian Yi expected, it was not a small boat at all. The view wasn’t ideal as he said, but Helian Yi didn’t mind it. He had no desire to enjoy this view at any rate.

Zhou Zishu kept quiet from then on, fading into the background. Helian Yi also didn’t speak. His heart was too conflicted, and his mind unfocused. The only person actually talking was Jing Beiyuan, who would switch from chatting to Wu Xi and Helian Yi, and even Zhou Zishu sometimes. His observational skills could not be bad, if he could notice Zhou Zishu’s presence even when the other is trying to conceal it.

The sound of the flute broke through and mesmerized everyone. They looked in the direction of the sound, to see an old man playing the flute. Soon, a man playing the zither joined him, harmonizing into a beautiful tone. This by itself was enough to make people feel deeply moved. It was rare to be able to hear such a beautiful piece by two musical masters.

A beautiful voice came next, and a woman in white slowly emerged out, her singing once again making everyone go quiet, their hearts too filled with admiration to focus on anything other than the sounds of music and the woman singing along to the tune. It was hard for most people watching to get a good look at her, but even a faraway glance was enough for them to know this woman was a rare beauty, deserving of the title of the capital’s number one beauty.

Jing Beiyuan’s eyes were glued to her as if his eyes could never leave her. But in his heart wasn’t the same admiration that everyone else felt. Instead, it was a deep, crushing pain, like he was reliving every one of his deaths.

Helian Yi. Bai Wuchuang. Su Qingluan. Those three names were the ones responsible for his centuries of misery. Out of the three of them, Su Qingluan was the least to blame. In fact, it would be more accurate to say she was also an unfortunate person like him, her life taken away too soon. Yet, the sight of her still made him feel more pain than seeing Helian Yi and Bai Wuchuang did.

He took a deep breath and tore his eyes away. When he did so, he realized Helian Yi was not looking at Su Qingluan. He was looking down, his expression a mix of frustration and pain. Jing Beiyuan was not accustomed to seeing this type of expression on Helian Yi. He instinctively wanted to reach out, but held himself back.

He recalled Helian Yi’s reluctance to come here. And now, this look when he met Su Qingluan, who was his beloved in the past. It was as if the sight of her pained him too.

Suddenly, a thought flickered in his mind. He looked at Helian Yi, his eyes showing some of the loneliness and pain he kept hidden inside. Do you remember? Jing Beiyuan asked silently.

As if he could hear him, Helian Yi looked up to meet Jing Beiyuan’s eyes, and the frustration in his face disappeared a little. Jing Beiyuan might have been overthinking it, but he thought he saw a hint of gentle devotion in his eyes, and a look as if he was asking for forgiveness.

For what crime? Jing Beiyuan wanted to say, so he can be sure it wasn’t all in his head. But when he opened his mouth, no words came out.

Helian Yi smiled at him, and reached out to stroke his hair, parting it like he always did. “I told you there was nothing to see here,” he said, his voice carrying none of the admonishment it often did. “I’ll make it up to you later. I’ll take you somewhere nice, okay? Let’s just leave now and go home.”

Jing Beiyuan nodded, still not able to let out any words. On hearing Helian Yi’s words, Zhou Zishu helped them get back right away. First, they dropped Wu Xi back at his manor, then Helian Yi took Jing Beiyuan back to his own manor.

All this time, the Jing Beiyuan who was smiling and talking all day did not speak. He could not give voice to any of the thoughts or torrid, complicated feelings in his heart right now. All he could do was walk to the inside of his manor, listening to his heartbeat ringing in his ears, as one almost irrational thought repeated over and over in his mind.

He remembers.

…

After the realization in the festival, the relationship between Jing Beiyuan and Helian Yi became more complicated and ambiguous. It was not an entirely bad kind of ambiguity, but more like the one that preceded a big change or transformation. Depending on what happened next, their relationship could be estranged once again or maybe, they could begin mending it, regaining the true closeness and trust they once had.

Jing Beiyuan tried to imagine it, going back to the days when they were both children, living in the palace together, studying together, spending all their private moments together. When Jing Beiyuan was someone Helian Yi could confide in, and Helian Yi was someone who made Jing Beiyuan feel safe in this world they lived in.

The thought left him with a bittersweet taste in his mouth. It was a nice thought, but was reality that easy? People were fragile. If you cut and break them, they could recover, but the traces will never entirely disappear. How can one learn to love and trust again after enduring so much pain? Jing Beiyuan wasn’t sure he had enough strength in his heart for that.

That was what the smarter part of him told him. But the part of him that was still a fool, that part latched on to Helian Yi’s words that day and refused to let go.

Maybe someone as stupid as him did deserve to go through all that pain, and more.

Months passed by, and Jing Beiyuan started attending the court. Helian Yi continued to visit him regularly. The sight of the crown prince in Nanning Wang manor was ordinary by now.

They were growing older together too, except neither of them was truly a child. In hindsight, a lot of the maturity and restraint he saw in this Helian Yi, that exceeded what he remembered him having, was it because he was not a child either? A man long used to being emperor and standing above the rest, having to return to being the helpless crown prince again. It was a little pitiful.

Today they were going on a stroll near the city’s borders. It was Jing Beiyuan’s idea which he had on a whim. Helian Yi didn’t understand what he wanted to see from there, but he agreed to come with him.

“Isn’t the sight pretty?” Jing Beiyuan asked.

Helian Yi looked around, seemingly not interested in admiring the view. “It is.”

Jing Beiyuan put on a serious air and sighed. “See, Your Highness, that is exactly your problem. You are only concerned with serious matters, and occupy your head with them all day long. That can’t be good for anyone.”

Helian Yi listened to him speak then after he was done, he replied, “Yes, yes, you’re right. It is important to balance work and other things.”

He said this, but Jing Beiyuan doubted he actually took his words to heart. Helian Yi has developed a rather bad habit. When Jing Beiyuan asked for something, he would do his best to grant it, but when Jing Beiyuan was scolding him for neglecting his health or being too focused on court matters, he would only smile and say ‘yes, yes, you’re right’ just like he did now, and the change nothing.

In a way, it was reminiscent of how, when Helian Yi scolded Jing Beiyuan, he would sometimes act apologetic and promise to change, then never deliver. Did he get this bad habit from Jing Beiyuan? Couldn’t he find another habit to take?

“I mean it, you must listen to me,” Jing Beiyuan said, stressing his point.

Helian Yi did not say anything this time in reply. He only found a spot to sit, and sat there staring into nothing. Jing Beiyuan wasn’t sure what his intention was, but he went to sit next to him anyway.

“What are you doing?” Jing Beiyuan asked.

“What you told me to do. If you think I’m too occupied with serious things, I’ll take this time to relax and clear my mind of matters of the court. Does that make you happy?”

Jing Beiyuan paused a bit, then said, “Yes.”

In his head, however, was a question of his own. Would the old Helian Yi have done this? The Helian Yi he knew from his first life worked tirelessly day and night for the country. To ask him to relax and for him to agree, it was a bit hard to imagine. The only times he could think of, that the Helian Yi from then relaxed and did not focus on state affairs was… It was with Su Qingluan.

That reminder dampened his mood, and he lost the cheerfulness he had just a few minutes ago.

Jing Beiyuan couldn’t help tugging at Helian Yi’s sleeve and asking, “You can really relax just like this? There’s so much going on in court, and even if you wanted to relax, do you really want to relax here?”

With me? was the unspoken part of the question. Now, if Helian Yi was staying with him, what did it mean? Jing Beiyuand didn’t want to hope before he was sure.

“Weren’t you the one who just told me to stop thinking about the court?” Helian Yi asked. Jing Beiyuan was going to retort, but Helian Yi continued speaking before he could, “Beiyuan, in this world… in this world, no one gives me more comfort than you do.”

Jing Beiyuan’s hand that was holding Helian Yi’s sleeve fell down.

That question opened a floodgate in Helian Yi, and he continued talking, “Do you remember when we were children? This wasn’t long after your father died. You told me that if you left the palace, you could provide a safe space for me with you. These words, I have never forgotten them.”

No matter how long will pass, Helian Yi was certain he wouldn’t forget that moment. The helplessness swelling up in his chest, and a boy sitting there in pale blue robes, holding a cup of tea, with smiling eyes. At that moment, he knew for certain, that boy was the person he treasured most in both lifetimes.

“You remember?” Jing Beiyuan asked, his heart also full at that moment. In his first life, he had memorized everything Helian Yi said to him, the other boy being his only source of joy. But he had never imagined that Helian Yi would ever hold Jing Beiyuan’s words to heart too, that he would remember them and comfort himself with them.

Jing Beiyuan leaned slightly against Helian Yi, and for a moment, he felt like they were more similar than he thought. Always close, but always missing each other.

“Everything about you, I remember,” Helian Yi replied. “When we were children, remember those jade rabbits Father gave us? Or that flute you made me yourself. It could not play music at all, and soon after, you were too embarrassed and made me a better one. I still have them all.”

He privately thought of that box he kept hidden in his room, where he put every gift Jing Beiyuan had given him. Sometimes, he took out that box and looked through it, and a gentle affection would bloom in his chest.

Jing Beiyuan was facing away from Helian Yi, so Helian Yi could not see it, but there was a small smile on his face. “That other flute I gave you back then is probably no good too. I’ll make a better one soon for you. I’m decent at making flutes now.”

Helian Yi looked a little doubtful at Jing Beiyuan’s claim, but he said, “I’m looking forward to receiving it. When I get it, I can place it side by side with the other flutes, to show the progress of little Prince Nanning.”

“What’s the point of keeping the other flutes? Get rid of them, get rid of them.”

Helian Yi laughed at this. “But I want to keep them.”

Jing Beiyuan had no way of retorting to this, and just continued to lean against Helian Yi for a while longer. It did feel rather relaxing now. He will be with me, and I will be with him, Jing Beiyuan thought.

“I have something to say, though,” Jing Beiyuan said, and Helian Yi looked at him. His eyes were looking into the distance. “Back then, I told you I will leave the palace so I can give you a safe space. Now, I realize maybe what I told you wasn’t the best option.”

Helian Yi waited for him to elaborate, and Jing Beiyuan continued, “It’s good for you to have a place away from the court, and I’ll keep trying to give you that place, but for you to truly relax, don’t you need to have the affairs of the court under control too?”

“So what is your plan?”

“I’ll do both. When you need a place away from the court, I’ll be there, but I won’t stop involving myself with the court either. If you succeed and become emperor, won’t that be good for your peace of mind, and for the country? So I will do both, I’ll help you become emperor, and I’ll give you a place to rest.”

Jing Beiyuan finished saying what he had to say, and he waited for Helian Yi’s reply.

“If that’s what you wish,” Helian Yi’s voice came, soft like a whisper, then gradually becoming clearer. “In the past, I did want you to stay out of court affairs, but if what you want is to help me build and protect our nation, then there is no one I’d rather have with me.”

Jing Beiyuan looked back at Helian Yi and he started nodding. “Yes, that’s what I want.”

Helian Yi said, “And on my part, I’ll give you the treatment and status befitting you. When I become Emperor, in the nation, you’ll stand with me above everyone else.”

Helian Yi swore this to himself, knowing they sound like empty promises. No matter what, in this life, Jing Beiyuan’s loyalty and devotion will be rewarded. He won’t hurt the person he loved the most, for loving him too much.

“You’re gonna be the Emperor in the future. You say this now, but one day, you’ll have to place the nation first, and what will happen to these words then?” Jing Beiyuan asked.

“You’re correct. As the future Emperor, the nation must come first to me. I will never neglect my duties to the nation. But my duties to the nation don’t mean neglecting my duties to you,” Helian Yi said.

He got carried away there and decided that was enough for now. Jing Beiyuan must understand his feelings.

Jing Beiyuan, unexpectedly, laughed, his eyes lively and teasing. “And what are your duties to me?”

When Helian Yi didn’t answer this question, Jing Beiyuan laughed again. “Talked too much today? You’re not usually like this. But it’s okay, I understand.”

Helian Yi inclined his head. “If you do, that’s enough.”

And like that, the ‘relaxing’ day they meant to have still turned to the direction of the palace. It was not a bad thing, though, because they both returned home feeling a little lighter. For the first time in a long time, they were on the same page again.

Back in his room, Helian Yi once again took out the box of gifts, slowly going over every one.

…

Another few years have passed, and the court grew more divided and conflicted. By this point, Helian Zhao’s faction could be said to be defeated, and Helian Qi’s faction was fighting a losing battle. The crown prince who was once a laughingstock was now respected and feared by everyone, and so were his closest supporters.

Among them, the one with the most shocking transformation was Jing Beiyuan. A few years ago, everyone would have called him a useless pretty face with no talents or ambitions. Today, he was one of Helian Yi’s most powerful supporters, and an active participant in court politics. Some say he also did more in the dark, working to get rid of all Helian Yi’s enemies to secure his path to the throne.

If Jing Beiyuan heard this, he would laugh and say he was only doing what he could to support the nation. If someone was not conspiring to hurt the nation of Da Qing and its people, why would he ever hurt them?

Some people also doubted these rumors because to their eyes, while Jing Beiyuan did indeed prove more capable than they thought, he was still often idle and spent his days doing nothing of value. The latest of his antics was apprenticing himself under a fortune teller and going around telling people’s fortunes.

This talk about Prince Nanning’s fortune telling was the reason behind Helian Yi’s visit to the Nanning estate. They both had been busy after some troubles started arising in the north, so they didn’t have much idle time. Helian Yi did not expect that Jing Beiyuan could find the time to learn a new game to amuse himself.

When Helian Yi saw Jing Beiyuan, he spoke, “People say that Prince Nanning has become a fortune teller?”

Jing Beiyuan looked up and replied, “Indeed, but business is currently closed. I cannot read fortunes now.”

“Can’t you make an exception for me? I’ll pay you double.”

Jing Beiyuan’s look became thoughtful, as if he did not already have plenty of money and no particular need for more. “Okay, give me your hand then.”

Helian Yi stretched out his hand for Jing Beiyuan to read, and then he added, “I want a love fortune.”

Jing Beiyuan hesitated when he heard this, then ignored it and began looking over his hand very carefully, his face changing before he nodded to himself. “Your fate is a complicated one, Your Highness.”

“How so?”

“I can see that you have a fated person, but your fate with them is not so straightforward. You see here, this means the person is almost lost. In fact, they may have already been lost before, and not just once. Your Highness, how could you be so careless? I fear this may be your last chance to reconcile with your fated person.”

Helian Yi froze when he heard Jing Beiyuan’s words and his head was spinning. Jing Beiyuan’s ‘fortune telling’ has hit too close to the mark, making Helian Yi wanting to hear more. “Lost more than once?”

“In your past lives,” Jing Beiyuan said, stressing on the last two words. “It’s natural that you don’t remember.”

Jing Beiyuan’s eyes were penetrating. Helian Yi could finally hear the question Jing Beiyuan was asking him in his mind, do you remember?

Except it felt like a statement instead of a question now. You remember.

That look answered Helian Yi’s own question that has been burning in his chest for years. Did Jing Beiyuan also remember? Or was it only him?

Now he thought Jing Beiyuan might remember even more than he did.

“It was very careless of me, you’re right,” Helian Yi said. “I wonder how I can make up to this person? Is that something you can tell me?”

“Why do you wish to make it up for them? Is it guilt?”

Helian Yi shook his head. “No, I just think, if that person was important to me and I already lost them before, I would not stand to lose them again.”

Seemingly satisfied with this answer, Jing Beiyuan began looking over Helian Yi’s hand again, but Helian Yi could tell he wasn’t focusing. He was only keeping up the pretense of palm reading. “Despite everything, this person’s feelings for you are not gone. If you can return their devotion for you in this life, then I’m sure… then I’m sure you’ll be able to reconcile with them.”

“Is it that simple?”

Jing Beiyuan smiled, but it made him look lonely. “It is.”

Helian Yi nodded. “In that case, I promise to be as devoted to them as they were to me.”

Jing Beiyuan laughed, wondering if that was even possible. In the past, he would have said no, and he didn’t need that. He only needed for Helian Yi to return a silver of his feelings, and he would’ve been satisfied. But this life keeps proving all his old ideas wrong. Maybe there is a life in which Helian Yi could love him as Jing Beiyuan loved him.

Jing Beiyuan saw Helian Yi out, and when he came back to the room they were in, he saw the ‘payment’ left on the table. There was a generous sum of money, but what caught his eye were two jade rabbits.

He took the two jade rabbits out and placed them side by side. Looking at them gave him a quiet sort of joy. He wondered if this is what it meant to be happy.

…

Helian Pei passed away, and Helian Yi was crowned Emperor.

By that point, Helian Yi’s position as successor was uncontested. His road to the throne was hectic and filled with danger, but near the end, he had gained enough support and rid himself of his rivals. His crowning was the final step, cementing his position as the most powerful man in Da Qing, who no one would fight against.

He worked hard to get to this point, but the aid of some people was also indispensable, and from those people, no one’s help was more instrumental than Jing Beiyuan and Zhou Zishu.

At night, after his ceremony, Helian Yi went to walk in one of the abandoned courtyards with Jing Beiyuan, away from where others could see them. Jing Beiyuan was worried he might be attacked like this, but Helian Yi assured him that the Tianchuang could take care of any would-be assassins or attackers.

“Congratulations, Your Majesty. I knew you would ascend the throne someday,” Jing Beiyuan said. “Da Qing will surely prosper under you.”

From other people, these words would be mere flattery. From Jing Beiyuan, they were sincere and full of faith. Helian Yi would not allow himself to disappoint that trust.

“Thank you. I would not be here without your support,” Helian Yi said, holding Jing Beiyuan’s hand.

Jing Beiyuan shook his head. “You exaggerate. With me or without me, I’m sure you would have become Emperor.”

“Let me correct myself then. Perhaps I would have still reached this position without you, but your help was invaluable and I don’t wish to be without you,” Helian Yi said.

Jing Beiyuan stopped in his place, and the hand holding his own tightened. “I’m not sure what you’re saying.”

“Before you told me, you want to help me bring the country to prosperity and give me a place to rest. Without you, I may have achieved the former, but I would have never achieved the latter. So this happiness I feel today, I owe it all to you.”

“I feel happy too,” Jing Beiyuan said quietly.

Helian Yi smiled, the kind of genuine smile that Jing Beiyuan thought he may have lost forever. “Let me make it up to you. All the pain I caused you in the past, I’ll make it up for you in this lifetime.”

Jing Beiyuan wanted to agree, but other worries plagued his mind. “What would the other court officials think? And the matter of finding a wife and heir?”

“These are all matters that can be taken care of. Court officials will always find reason to complain, but if the only complaint they can bring up is love affairs, then it will be hard to gather much support. My father’s rule was riddled with flaws, and the whole court thought him to be useless, but he stayed Emperor until he died from illness. If it’s only talk, I can bear it. You…”

“I can bear it too,” Jing Beiyuan quickly answered. “This would not be the first time the court spoke badly of me. I know I have done no wrong, and don’t need to be concerned with their words. I can bear it.”

“Then this only leaves the matter of an heir. You see I had actually arranged this earlier, with Helian Zhao. He has a son, I will take him to be my heir. This would placate my brother as well. He isn’t a threat to me, but he can be useful as a general in the future, so this move has its advantages.”

Jing Beiyuan was looking at the ground then looked back up at Helian Yi after this. There was a certain helpless desperation in his eyes. “Helian Yi, I hope you aren’t saying words you’ll take back later. Your love fortune already does not look bright, if you ruin it all now, don’t say I didn’t blame you.”

“I mean every word I’m saying now. I know I can be cruel, and I have been cruel to you in the past. If you resent me for it, then I understand. But I will not be cruel to you anymore, I will not wrong you anymore, whether you still return my affection or not. I want you to be happy, that’s enough for me.”

There was silence, until Helian Yi felt Jing Beiyuan put his hand on his face and kiss him. “You make me happy,” Jing Beiyuan said. “I want to be with you.”

“Then for this lifetime, we will be together. All the pain I caused you, I will make it up for you tenfold.”

A lifetime of happiness in exchange for six lifetimes of pain.

…

“Hey, Helian Yi, I have a story to tell you.”

“Mmm?”

“Once, there was this young man who was very devoted to his beloved. He would have done anything for them. But one day, that beloved turned on them and killed them. The young man was betrayed by the one he loved the most.”

“I think I know this story. Beiyuan…”

“You know this part, but I bet you don’t know what happened next. He and his beloved were destined to spend seven lifetimes together. The man was foolish, and didn’t want to lose his memories, so he did not drink Meng Po’s soup. In the second life, he was reincarnated as a moth who flew beneath his beloved’s lantern. He was crushed by his beloved. In the third life, he was a black dog raised by his beloved’s family. Later, he was slaughtered and eaten when they fell on hard times.”

“Beiyuan, are you crying?”

“In the fourth lifetime, he was a jasmine gifted to the man he loved by the person he loved in that life. Initially treasured, he was forgotten and left to wither after that person married someone else, breaking his beloved’s heart. In his fifth lifetime, he was an arctic fox who was caught and kept in his beloved’s residence, but then he was skinned because a concubine wanted his fur. In the sixth life, he finally drank Meng Po’s soup, in hopes he could forget, but it did not work on him. The memories he wanted so badly to forget still remained. He waited out the sixty three years of his beloved’s life sitting by that rock.”

“What happened next? In his seventh lifetime?”

“In his seventh lifetime, he woke up as a boy again in his first lifetime, as if everything that happened was just a terrible dream. And for the first time, his beloved did not hurt him, but he still cannot erase the pain.”

“Don’t cry, don’t cry Beiyuan. I’m here, I’ll never hurt you again, I’ll never let anyone else hurt you again. For all these lifetimes of pain, I’ll give you the best life I can. I can’t erase your pain, but I’ll stay by your side this time.”

“That’s all I wanted to hear.”