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"Is it perhaps...that you're feeling lonely?"
Jun wanted to laugh. That was so damn absurd, what the girl had said before introducing him to the beast survival project offer.
Jun wasn't lonely. And certainly not because the damn ohii-san was gone.
Or at least that's what he wanted to say. Truthfully, perhaps in a wretched way, she had been right, if the fact that he'd been thinking about that question for the last week was any indication at all.
Was he really lonely? He thinks he wouldn't really be able to tell anyway. His entire life had been one of being alone, so he wasn't sure if that was just normal or if he really was lonely. Maybe he was and maybe playing the 24/7 servant of that shitty brat truly was the only thing that lit up this lonesome life of his.
Which sounded absolutely fucking ridiculous. That bastard always got on his nerves, made him do way too many annoying things and could never catch a goddamn hint. He didn't even treat Jun like a friend or a partner or even a human.
Though maybe that was the thing. Being treated like an object to fulfill whatever someone else wished for had been everything he knew growing up. If he thought about the way his father had treated him nowadays, he felt disgusted. That man was a pathetic excuse for a human being and never gave him any love, so why should he feel any in return?
And yet...yet it was all that he knew, all that he was good at, being walked all over like this for the sake of someone else. It was almost like he searched comfort in the familiarity of the way he's being treated, which sounded even more ridiculous than the prospect of being lonely without that damn Ohii-san.
But then he wondered....why was it so much different with Hiyori? Why could he erase that loneliness that Jun's father had edged into him if those two treated him the same? He didn't really know.
He only knew that, fuck, she had been right. He had grown so used to Hiyori that he had almost forgotten what it felt like to be alone, and now that he rarely saw the other male anymore outside of business-related matters, he was thrown right back into that pit of nothingness. It made him entirely miserable.
Jun let out a sigh and turned around on his bed. It was almost dark outside, yet he still hadn't bothered to change into more comfortable clothes or anything of the like. He should probably get up, but part of him felt more like staying right where he was just to sulk. Which he could completely indulge in as his roommate was gone for a few days and he had the room all to himself. Pathetic.
Eventually, he took his phone from the nightstand and unlocked it. Might as well kill time scrolling through social media, he figured. Somehow he ended up on Hiyori's contact info though, thumb hovering over the call button.
Then he pressed the button to turn off his phone.
No way in hell he was going to give in and call his partner now. What was he even supposed to say? "Sorry for callin' ya so randomly in the evening, but I'm real damn lonely without ya and bloody mary and I fuckin' hate it"? He'd rather die, thank you very much.
So, more sulking it was. Goddamn, he really didn't know what to do. He needed to get his shit together and just get used to it. He wasn't gonna get anywhere like this. But that was easier said than done.
Again he considered ringing Hiyori up, but then again, would the other even care? Frankly, he doubted it. Hiyori didn't care about Jun as more than someone to push his work onto and use to his benefit. There was no reason for him to engage in something as trivial as a phone call if it had nothing to do with Eve or Eden.
The only person Hiyori seemed to respect and perhaps genuinely like was Nagisa, which made sense considering their history. He wasn't jealous, or at least he didn't think he was, but somehow he desperately wished for someone to treat him with respect and affection. Unfortunately for him, Hiyori was pretty much his only chance in that regard. He didn't have any family he was close with and friends were something he didn't really indulge in either.
Sure, he worked with Adam a lot and they got along alright but he wouldn't call Nagisa or Ibara friends. It was all just business matters. And either way, neither of those two were the friendship type, anyway.
He's somewhat befriended that Makoto guy from Trickstar, though mostly because Makoto had claimed there was a lot he wanted to learn from Jun so that he could improve more. He didn't really get it but figured he might as well help the boy out. (Doing things for someone else's gain was what he was best at, anyway. Like a tool.)
The blonde kid didn't know much about him and Jun intended to keep it that way.
Similar things happened with that kid from Alkaloid that he'd pretty much just met a few days ago. He seemed to almost idolize Jun. Which wasn't necessarily uncommon but certainly interesting, especially considering that 1. that guy was an idol himself and 2. the spotlight of Eve or Eden was usually on anyone but him, so he didn't think he'd end up with two kids wanting to learn from him. Oh well.
He didn't think he deserved Hiyori's respect or affection, anyway. He wasn't that great. If anything, sometimes he thought he wasn't good enough at all. Not for Eve, certainly not for Eden. He had asked himself before if he shouldn't just tell Hiyori to disband Eve as Jun left Eden as a whole. They'd probably be better off without him. Neither of them truly needed him, Hiyori would find himself someone else to torment and Eden was just as good without him, if not even better.
He never actually told Hiyori this, though.
In the end, Jun was selfish too. Despite not deeming himself good enough for Eden, he didn't want to leave. Eden, Eve, it was all he had. If he left, shame would fall upon him as an idol and he would lose everything. No way that was going to happen. He wasn't going to end up like his father, that was the one thing he had promised himself when he started high-school. Plus, leaving Eden would just make that loneliness worse than it already was. If there was no one with him, no one to live for, then what was there to live for at all?
Really...Hiyori was the only person that had gotten through to him a little more, which was almost inevitable since he held no consideration for personal space and bugged Jun constantly. Regrettably, Jun had let a few more private things slip in front of Hiyori, too. Mostly on particularly bad days where he just needed the whole world - and especially Hiyori - to shut the fuck up. To his surprise Hiyori had been almost considerate then, acting somewhat less annoying and even offering support of sorts. Though Jun wasn't sure if Hiyori had been very genuine about it.
Thinking about moments like those comforted him ever so slightly and almost even gave him the confidence boost he needed to just say fuck it and call Ohii-san. Only almost though.
After all, Hiyori was the sun.
Any fool would know that a mortal being will never be able to reach the sun. If he tried, he'd burn down to his bones until only his ashes remained, a cruel death that he would prefer to avoid.
And so, rather than this pathetic fate, Jun decided to keep his distance and admire the sun from afar.
Hold up. Admire?! No. Absolutely not. Ridiculous. Stupid. Completely and utterly inaccurate. He did not admire that brat one bit, what was he thinking? Goddamn, he was such an idiot. He needed to busy himself somehow before he overthought things harder. God fucking damnit.
He sat up, looked around the room, tried to figure out something, anything, to get his mind off things but to no avail. Eventually, he decided to just get up and leave the dorm. Going for a walk might help clear his mind, even if he was still exhausted from the earlier workout.
He didn't know for how long he was out, but it had to have been a while because he'd been walking in the dark for quite some time now, but really, he didn't care much. He looked up at the sky, the stars were visible and he would almost call tonight beautiful if not for his miserable mood that had lead him here in the first place.
All of a sudden, he caught glimpse of a shooting star.
It was pointless, he knew, but he still wished for there to be a miracle to ease the loneliness that was eating him up before he cast his eyes downwards again and continued.
He didn't have to wait long for his miracle to happen.
"Aha, Jun-kun! Heya, Jun-kun!" a voice yelled unnervingly loud and he knew who it belonged to immediately.
So he turned around and, truly, there was none other than Hiyori Tomoe himself. Which was odd.
"Ohii-san....", he started as the other male practically bounced towards him. "what're ya doing here?"
Hiyori gave him an almost offended look, then pointed down at the familiar dog. "Well, as you can hopefully tell, I'm taking bloody mary for a walk! Don't look at me like I'm doing something weird! If anything, you're the weirdo, wandering around like some creep! So, what are you up to?"
God Hiyori really didn't stop talking once he started.
"Taking a walk, idiot. But my question is, why are you here? Surely you can walk the dog at your dorms too."
"Ahaha, I'm here because I felt like it! Isn't that obvious? Maybe you're the idiot here! At least I'm actually here with a purpose that is taking care of my pet. You've got the look of a lost puppy on your face, perhaps I should make you my pet as well?"
Jun rolled his eyes, he was just as much of a pain in the ass as usual.
They fell into step next to each other before Jun replied, "Right back at you, Ohii-san. Keepin' you on a leash so you won't be as annoying to take care of sounds real nice, y'know?"
After that, there was silence, which was insanely unlike Hiyori and made Jun wonder if something was wrong with the other. Finally, he looked at the idol, only to see that he was staring at him intently.
"What? I got somethin' on my face or why are ya starin' at me like that?"
Hiyori only pouted at that and looked down at the dog. "Yeah, you have that awful look on your face. Like it's bad weather. Real bad...what's wrong?" he replied in the most serious voice he'd heard from him in quite a while. He sounded so genuinely concerned, it made him Jun stop in his tracks. Now he was the one staring, which only deepened the frown on the princess' face.
"Come on now, Jun! Spit it out already, something's obviously up with you lately and if this goes on, you won't be able to perform at your best! We're friends, partners, aren't we? I demand you tell me!"
For the first time in days, Jun had to smile.
Friends, huh? He wasn't sure Hiyori had ever truly referred to them as such.
"...'s fine now. I guess it's just a shame that I don't get to make fun of ya as much nowadays," was what Jun decided to say after a pause. He wasn't going to tell Hiyori that he missed his presence, but he thought this would do for now.
"Awww, you miss me! That's so cute, Jun-kun!", Hiyori exclaimed and practically jumped onto his friend.
"Ow- jeez, be careful you bastard!"
Jun didn't deny Hiyori's statement.
Hiyori just laughed. It was bright, much like the sun, as if he was competing with the moon and all the stars in the sky.
"Well, I guess I just have to pay you these late-night visits more often, huh? Or maybe you should just visit me, making me do all the work is not how this is supposed to go after all!"
Jun turned his head away from where it was dangerously close to Hiyori's face, mostly so that he won't see his face. "Yeah. I'd...I'd like that, actually."
Hiyori listened to him without teasing him that night, and the loneliness that had crept over Jun would be carefully removed again over the following weeks after that.