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suga. world renown rapper, song writer, and performer who wanted to be at the top and stopped at nothing to get there.
his image was cool, quiet, kind of cold but known to be kind. on stage he was a monster of sorts. his cool and quiet demeanor changed for one much more confident, maybe even a little arrogant as he performed every song like it lived within him, embodying the lyrics in a way few performers could. some didn't like him for writing exactly what he thought about everything, cussing freely and talking about himself as if he were some sort of god. but he didn't care, he knew he was good, his many awards and grammys and people begging to work with him constantly proved it. that's who suga was.
but suga's image was also that of yoonie; sweet, playful, curious, and maybe a little bratty depending on the day. in mere seconds he could be reduced to the most adorable little baby anyone ever knew, with the most contagious giggle and a need for cuddles and head pets and his favorite bumblebee pacifier. it was biological, his classification was that of a little. at first he worried about it mixing with his idol life, but he found that the public loved his little side and embraced it whole heartedly. a lot of idols were neutrals or caregivers, suga was one of few littles who had achieved such stardom.
his team was great, always nice to him and considerate of his wants and needs. they let him have a lot of control over his career and particular choices within it, but they also made sure he always did what was best for himself and if they needed to step in they would; it wasn't rare for yoongi to get way ahead of himself and attempt not so great ideas.
his team also made sure he felt free to be little whenever he could; if a little suppressed their head space it could affect their health negatively. so they encouraged it strongly, even if he happened to slip in public they didn't stop him. there were things in place to protect him, people in place to protect him.
like his caregiver and head of security, jungkook.
most of yoongi's team was made of neutrals, and neutrals weren't the most fit to care for littles because they didn't have the instinctual knowledge and behaviors that classified caregivers did. so when they found jungkook early in yoongi's career, they knew he was a perfect match as a trained body guard and classified caregiver.
yoongi loved jungkook. he was the only member of yoongi's team that stayed with him absolutely at all times. he went to every fan meet, performance, photoshoot, and hotel with yoongi and any security team that was going to be hired had to go through him first. if jungkook didn't trust them, they wouldn't get hired.
his manager jin wasn't sure how yoongi would feel about that at first but now if jungkook was gone for even a second, even if yoongi was in big space, it upset the idol and nobody wanted to deal with him when he was upset. nobody but jungkook, of course.
his presence was needed regardless. yoongi had great tendency to slip, even during fan meets and once or twice at a show. he'd get this glossy look in his eyes, his words would get more incoherent and almost everything became funny.
it was happening right now, jungkook knew. they sat in a dressing room waiting for yoongi to perform on a music show and jungkook caught him staring off into space. he blinked a couple of times and then he giggled.
jungkook had been standing near the door, but immediately he was put into caregiver mode and he smiled and approached his baby. "hi, my love." he said gently.
yoongi started bouncing in his seat excitedly, making grabby hands. "dada."
jungkook picked him up easily, gently bouncing him. yoongi grabbed at jungkook's necklace and tried to put it in his mouth but jungkook kept a pacifier in his pocket always. he took it out and popped it in yoongi's mouth. "there you go, cutie."
jin was in the room and he looked to jungkook. "he's on in fifteen minutes."
"i know." jungkook said simply. "he may agree to be big and he may not." he smiled as yoongi began squirming to get down, beginning to waddle around the room curiously.
"what are you looking at, tiny?" jungkook cooed.
yoongi giggled and pointed at the tv that was showcasing current performers. he began adorably dancing and clapping his hands to the beat. little yoonie loved dancing and listening to music, just like big yoongi.
"you like what they're doing, cutie?" jungkook smiled and sat down to watch him.
yoongi nodded and giggled. "yeah yeah dada!" he cheered.
"guess what? you get to go out there too!"
yoongi gasped, his pacifier falling from his mouth (which jungkook easily caught) and squealed excitedly. "yoonie too?"
"yoonie too!" jungkook smiled. "isn't that exciting?"
yoongi nodded and bounced excitedly as he always did. "yeah yeah! yoonie too!" he smiled widely, that adorable gummy smile that jungkook loved.
"you can go out there in..a little over ten minutes." jungkook glanced at his watch. "but you'll have to be big yoonie, is that okay?"
yoongi whined. "no wanna."
"it'll only be for about five minutes, tiny. if you can be big for five minutes and do a great performance, dada will give you a present."
and yes, yoongi was absolutely a spoiled baby. between being a famous idol with an entire team of people waiting on him hand and foot, being a little with a set caregiver, and having mass amounts of fans who sent him a million gifts, yoongi was never not being spoiled. and jungkook would gladly go out and buy him something new as a bribe for him to go on stage. don't worry though, yoongi wasn't swimming in toys that he neglected. jungkook periodically went through each and every one of them and gave the ones yoongi didn't play with to less fortunate littles.
"dada pwesent!" yoongi cheered, nodding happily. "yeah yeah!"
"mkay, tiny. you wanna sit on dada's lap until it's time?"
yoongi nodded and got comfortable in jungkook's lap, watching the next performance before having to get ready for his.
"five minutes begins now, sweetheart." jungkook informed as he lead yoongi out of the green room and to the side of the stage.
as they walked yoongi tried to pull himself out of little space, and he was right on time because within seconds he was mic'd up and being introduced.
"go get em, baby." jungkook encouraged, watching yoongi become focused and centered in a way he only was before a performance. he nodded at what jungkook said, then he headed out to take his position.
and he gave a damn great performance, as expected. he got off stage and was handed a bottle of water by one of his crew members while one of the music show employees took his mic off of him. immediately after that his make up artist came to do any necessary touch ups, because at the end of the show yoongi would go out with everyone else when this week's winner was announced.
after the rush of the performance was over, yoongi looked to jungkook with his adorable pouty eyes. "little yoonie now?"
jungkook nodded and pet his hair. "little yoonie, angel."
yoongi giggled excitedly and held his arms up, and jungkook picked him up again. "you really are dada's clingy koala, hm?"
"yoonie pwesent yoonie pwesent." he swung his legs happily as they returned to their dressing room.
at the end of the show, all the idols went back on stage including yoongi who was still little. he walked on stage with jungkook, who everyone knew to be his caregiver. he honestly had a lot of fans of his own.
some of the idols aww'd when they noticed yoongi was in little space, but he was shy and clung to jungkook's side. his dada pet his hair to calm him down.
eventually it was announced that this week's show winner was in fact, suga with his song 'shadow' and when yoongi was presented with the trophy his eyes got wide and he looked up at jungkook.
jungkook smiled and nodded encouragingly, and yoongi grabbed the trophy, in awe of it because though he won them a lot, he had rarely gotten them in little space.
his song started playing for the encore and as the other idols dispersed, he and jungkook were the only ones left with the audience.
yoongi tried to hide his face in jungkook's chest, and his caregiver laughed. "come on, baby. you love dancing remember? don't you wanna dance?"
"no." yoongi shook his head.
"i'll dance with you. it won't be scary, it'll be fun." jungkook set the trophy down and accepted the microphone from a staff member. he began lightly dancing to the beat of the song, and it encouraged yoongi to do the same, finally beginning to dance as he so loved to do. jungkook gave him the mic incase he had anything to say too.
yoongi just kept adorably dancing, beginning to giggle as he let more of his excitement out. the giggles were heard with the microphone and everyone thought he was absolutely precious. he and jungkook danced together, perfectly happy together in their own dada and yoonie space, not minding the audience. when it was time to leave, jungkook told him how well he did and grabbed the award before leading him off stage.
that encore stage became the most viewed video ever for that music show, and it went viral all over the internet. everyone was in love with little yoonie.
but none so much as jungkook.
on their way home, yoongi fell asleep in the car and jungkook had to carry him inside. luckily yoongi had gotten out of his clothes and makeup back in the dressing room and jungkook only had to take his sweats and t-shirt off of him. yoongi woke up in the middle of it and whined, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "dada?" he murmured.
"hi, tiny. i know you're sleepy my love but you need to eat dinner and take a bath."
yoongi pouted and shook his head. "no."
"yes, lovely."
"no no." yoongi argued.
"yes, yes." jungkook teased, kissing him on the nose. "you haven't eaten all day."
yoongi crossed his arms over his chest stubbornly. "baba."
"you need real food first before a bottle. how about something quick like ramyeon?"
"baba." yoongi insisted with another whine.
"alright, we'll figure it out after you take a bath." he carried his now naked yoongi to the bathroom and set him on the counter while he started a nice warm bath with bubbles. yoongi squirmed and whined when jungkook picked him up to put him in the water but ultimately he lost and found himself being washed. he glared at jungkook to let him know he wasn't happy.
jungkook just smiled at him. "i know you're grumpy, tiny. my little star hates being woken up, doesn't he?" he pouted to show his empathy. yoongi nodded, closing his eyes as jungkook washed his hair.
once his bath was over and he was all dry, yoongi was put into his comfiest onesie and jungkook put the hood on his head. he carried him downstairs and yoongi rested his head comfortably on jungkook's shoulder. he felt so warm and safe inside of his onesie.
"i'm making ramyeon and we're going to share it, sweetheart." jungkook informed. he put some water in a pot to boil and then put the noodles and sauce in once it was ready.
yoongi watched with a pout. "baba."
"you can have a bottle after a few bites of this, yeah?"
"no no." yoongi really didn't want anything other than milk and he started fussing, making jungkook frown.
"baby..not even one bite?"
yoongi shook his head and his fussing was beginning to escalate to crying. jungkook wanted to deescalate the situation. he thought it over, and yoongi had worked hard all week and been a good boy about meals throughout it all. substituting this one meal wouldn't be detrimental.
"okay, little angel. you can have a nice, warm bottle of milk." jungkook said gently, and yoongi calmed down at that, relaxing fully once more.
"baba." he murmured tiredly, beginning to suckle on jungkook's neck.
his caregiver set the ramyeon aside and began getting a bottle together for yoongi, easily working and holding his baby at the same time as he was so accustomed to doing.
when it was ready he sat down and cradled yoongi. "drink up, little love." he smiled and handed yoongi the bottle and his baby took it and immediately began drinking, his eyes closing and his body fully relaxing.
jungkook smiled and caressed his cheek, not even caring that his own ramyeon was getting cold. yoongi was so precious.
the little drank all of the milk and fell asleep, warm and cozy in his dada's arms. jungkook took him upstairs to tuck him into his bed in his designated little space room.
yoongi lived in a mansion with jungkook and had two bedrooms of his own, one for big space and one for little space. his little space bedroom was decked out with absolutely everything a little could ever want or need for any of his head spaces. toys, plushies, coloring items, clothes, pacifiers, diapers, blankets, rattles, a crib, anything and everything.
jungkook gently laid yoongi in the crib, popping a pacifier in his mouth and giving him his most favorite kumamon plushie. he kissed his forehead and whispered a sweet goodnight. then he turned on the night light that illuminated rainbow stars on the ceiling and headed out.
he went down to reheat his ramyeon, and after he ate he took his own shower and got ready for bed. he always put yoongi before himself. if he had to wait a little longer to eat his dinner or get settled in, that was okay. because it was for yoongi, and yoongi needed him and depended on him.
he really wouldn't have it any other way.
*
a typical day off for yoongi was always spent completely in little space. he was so cute, running around the house in his big winnie the pooh shirt and nothing else aside from his underwear, holding his kumamon plushie dangling by its arm with a pacifier in his mouth. they were playing one of yoongi's favorite games; chase.
yoongi would run around and jungkook would trail behind him, just fast enough that it was exciting for the baby but definitely not fast enough to catch him since yoongi had the disadvantage of being less steady on his feet in little space. jungkook wasn't scared of him falling, he was close enough to catch him.
yoongi giggled and squealed as he ran for his life, racing up the stairs and into a random room to hide in.
jungkook smiled. "oh no, where did tiny go? could he have gone in here?" he pretended to check a wrong room on purpose.
yoongi's giggles could be heard, and jungkook's heart melted at the sound. "i'm coming to find you, little love!" he called.
"no dada!" yoongi called back, kinda muffled from his pacifier.
"why? afraid i'll..tickle you?"
yoongi gasped. his dada wouldn't!
"or maybe i'll give you so many kisses you won't be able to escape?"
yoongi bounced excitedly at that. he loved kisses. so he ran out of the room he was in to find jungkook, attacking him in a hug and looking up at him with his puppy dog eyes. "kith, dada. yoonie kith yoonie kith." he nodded.
jungkook picked him up and began placing kisses all over his face, making yoongi laugh and squeal with joy. he was so happy, always his happiest with jungkook.
...
except when he wasn't. yoongi suffered from various mental illnesses and unfortunately sometimes they got the better of him and his judgment. he developed these illnesses due to childhood and adolescent trauma and repressing his natural headspace. they didn't get to him so much when he was little, he would have an issue very rarely- maybe a nightmare or a few extra tantrums.
but when he was big he was much more susceptible to something triggering him, with much worse responses.
"i want to do it by myself i don't need a stupid stunt double." he glared.
"with the idea you have for this music video, you definitely need a stunt double, sweetheart. i'm sorry but you can't get hurt." jungkook shook his head.
"i won't get hurt! and don't fucking call me sweetheart right now you're being controlling!" yoongi hissed.
"i know you think i'm being controlling, but you're not thinking straight right now. this idea isn't good." jungkook explained calmly.
"no, you are being controlling! this is my world, my art, and my music and you're trying to change it and take it away from me! you're being a fucking bully stop being mean to me and let me do what i want!" he attempted to hit jungkook, but the caregiver easily grabbed his hands and held them so he couldn't free them.
yoongi yelled frustratedly and tried to get free, but he couldn't and he screamed at jungkook some more, saying anything and everything he could think of to try to hurt his feelings until finally he burst into tears.
jungkook pulled him into a proper hug and rubbed his back until he finished crying, even as yoongi weakly tried to hit his chest. after about fifteen minutes he calmed down, merely sniffling and now trying to hide his face in jungkook's neck. "'m sorry." he whimpered.
"it's not your fault." jungkook whispered and ran his fingers through yoongi's hair. he reminded him everytime something like this happened that it wasn't his fault. it would never be his fault. "are you sleepy now, baby?"
yoongi nodded slightly. "sleepy, dada." he whispered weakly.
jungkook kissed his head and lay down with him on the couch in yoongi's studio. he took a pacifier out of his pocket and grabbed the blanket draped over the back of the couch to cover yoongi.
the little instantly fell asleep, safe in the arms of his caregiver. yoongi loved him so much, even when he couldn't control himself and acted like he hated jungkook, he so deeply appreciated that he hadn't given up on him. jungkook always kept his voice calm, and held him throughout it all. he still loved him just as much afterwards.
yoongi was trying so hard, jungkook knew he was. and he was so proud of him for how far he had come.
"it's okay, little love. it'll always be okay." jungkook said, before beginning to hum quietly, further soothing his baby and helping him have peaceful dreams.
jungkook was essential to yoongi having good dreams. almost every night, regardless of if they were in a hotel or at home, yoongi would get out of bed and come to jungkook's.
he was a masterful escapee of his crib, able to quietly and effectively climb out and make his way to jungkook's room with kumamon in his hand and his pacifier in his mouth.
he entered jungkook's room and made his way to the bed, carefully climbing up and crawling over to jungkook.
the caregiver woke at the movements, putting his arm over yoongi and making sure the blanket was over him without even opening his eyes. he kissed his head before settling down again. "you alright, tiny?" he murmured tiredly.
yoongi nodded, giving a soft hum of affirmation as he began drifting back off, holding kumamon close.
and those mornings usually began with yoongi asleep on top of jungkook, because throughout the night he'd always get closer and closer until he couldn't anymore. it always brought a smile to jungkook's face.
"tiny, it's time to wake up." he whispered gently, patting yoongi's back.
the action only soothed yoongi further, the little making a small sound of contentment which made jungkook's heart sing. he looked at his clock again and yeah, they could sleep in a little longer. so jungkook held him and they did.
*
sometimes touring could be hard for yoongi. he loved it so much, he really did, but things just got to him sometimes. and he'd shut down or freak out.
fifteen minutes.
there were only fifteen minutes before he had to be on stage, and nobody in the crew could find him anywhere.
jungkook had been checking security and making sure they were at their correct posts and when he heard jin frantically tell him that yoongi was nowhere to be found he wordlessly walked off to find him, hands clenched by his sides as every nerve in his body was on high alert.
he knew how much time was left, so he made sure to be quick but efficient in his search of every nearby room until he found yoongi curled up in a corner in a storage room. he sighed relievedly and let himself relax before he was at yoongi's side.
the idol was alternating between pulling at his hair and covering his ears, trying to drown out the thousands of fans screaming and use pain as an alternative when it didn't work. he was breathing harshly, and jungkook noticed how much of a mess his clothes were now, probably after a lot of pulling and attempted destroying.
"baby, hey." jungkook gently grabbed his face, and he waited for yoongi to make eye contact with him and realize he was there. "it's me, love. talk to me."
"want out of here." yoongi shook his head. "can't do this."
"why can't you?" jungkook asked gently.
"too much." he said through gritted teeth. "people and noise and these s-stupid fucking clothes i don't like them!" he yelled.
and jungkook just nodded, because even if yoongi had chosen his stage wardrobe himself he knew he could change his mind in the blink of an eye. today it wasn't working for him, that was fine. "you can change back into something comfy, sweetheart. okay? would that help you?"
"too loud. make it stop." he covered his ears again, and jungkook noticed his breathing.
"hey, deep breaths with me. follow my breathing." jungkook whispered.
yoongi began breathing with him, effectively calming down. jungkook looked at his watch; ten minutes.
"i'm sorry it's so loud, sweetheart. but that's all your fans. they love you and they're loud because they're excited."
"too many people, i don't w-want all of them there's too many all looking at me and watching me." he teared up.
"because they love you." jungkook reminded. he knew what was going on in yoongi's mind. "they're not out there to make fun of you, or be mean to you, love. they wanna hear your great music." he encouraged.
"t-too many." he pulled at his hair again.
jungkook gently grabbed his hands. "they're not there to hurt you or make you feel bad." he kissed both of his hands. "if any of them wanted to hurt you, i would find out, and i would ruin them." he said seriously. "i'm protecting you always. you can go out there, and know that i'm watching you. that's what's important."
"promise you w-won't look at anything else. only me."
"i promise on everything i love, i will never take my eyes off of you."
yoongi sighed shakily but nodded. "okay."
"good, baby. come on. let's change your clothes and fix your hair and makeup real quick." they had seven minutes, jungkook picked yoongi up and carried him to backstage again and he explained that yoongi needed to wear something comfortable. they gave him a long sleeved tour t-shirt and some sweats and sneakers and fixed his hair that he pulled a bunch, before touching up his makeup and getting him mic'd up.
they had seconds to spare, and with one more whispered reassurance from jungkook, yoongi got on the platform under the stage and let it take him up, calming his beating heart and focusing on the intro to his opening song instead. he closed his eyes and let out a long exhale.
he'd be okay. jungkook was watching him.
from the day they first met, jungkook always had.
"yoongi, this is your new personal body guard and head of security. his name is jungkook. he's also a classified caregiver." jin introduced.
yoongi looked up and met eyes with jungkook. he was chewing the front of his shirt, coloring on the back of some random paper with a boring black pen.
"hi, cutie." jungkook greeted gently, crouching down next to him on the floor.
yoongi was shy, so he looked down at his lap.
jungkook thought he was so cute. it was clear to him that he was surrounded by neutrals because of the obvious lack of little gear. but that was okay, they were good by letting him slip at all. "what are you drawing?" he smiled.
yoongi didn't reply, so jungkook decided to be more encouraging. "it's very nice, i love it. i think we could even hang this up on a fridge."
yoongi's eyes widened at that, and he looked up finally, pointing to the mini fridge in his studio with a hopeful look.
jungkook nodded. "yeah! or we can even put it up at your house!"
yoongi smiled shyly and nodded. "yoonie fwidge yoonie fwidge." he whispered.
"yeah, sweetheart." jungkook smiled. "can i come home with you and help you put it up?" they decided to introduce him to yoongi in his studio first and make sure he would be comfortable with jungkook.
yoongi nodded after a few moments. "home."
"can i hold your hand?" jungkook offered.
the little blushed and nodded, letting jungkook take his hand. they stood and followed jin out to yoongi's driver who would be taking them back to his home. he didn't yet live in his big mansion, just a nice apartment in a fancy gated community. it had enough space for jungkook to move in comfortably.
jungkook tried to talk to yoongi and make him more comfortable with him on the ride there, and at one point he got yoongi to giggle. and god, it was adorable.
when they arrived jin took them up to the apartment and briefly showed jungkook around. "okay yoongs, jinnie has to go now. you'll be safe with jungkook. be a good boy, yeah?" he smiled.
yoongi nodded. he could be good, he could.
"okay. tomorrow you get to stay home, i'll see you thursday." he said, before waving and wishing jungkook luck as he left.
jungkook didn't know entirely everything about yoongi. he knew basics from the internet like his name, age and birthday, but as a real person he wasn't told much. jin told him that yoongi was a little who needed a caregiver, and a good personal body guard, and then he mentioned something about yoongi having a few 'issues', but he didn't have time to go into detail. so jungkook was wondering if and when he'd run into an 'issue'. what did that even mean?
yoongi looked so sweet and adorable, what on earth would he possibly do?
"let's hang your picture now." jungkook smiled, taking it from yoongi gently and leading him into the kitchen. he found a magnet and put the picture onto the fridge.
yoongi beamed, bouncing where he stood excitedly. "yoonie fwidge!" he smiled.
"that's right, cutie." jungkook smiled back. "now, judging by the time i think i should get some dinner in you. are you hungry?"
yoongi whined and shook his head. "no."
"no?" jungkook tilted his head.
"no." he shook his head furiously.
ah, jungkook could already tell this was one of the issues he was working with.
"but how can you have candy afterwords if you don't eat dinner?" he frowned.
yoongi paused at that. "y-yoonie candy?"
"well, yeah if you eat dinner. but i guess you don't want to." he sighed, feigning sadness.
yoongi wanted candy, so he nodded. "yoonie candy." he made grabby hands.
"after you eat." jungkook smiled, rummaging around the kitchen to see what he could find.
yoongi hovered around, not having anything else to do since he had no real little items. jungkook couldn't wait to change that.
their first night together went well, yoongi ate his dinner and got rewarded a piece of candy. then he took a bath, on his own and without jungkook's help because he wasn't ready for that, and they watched cartoons until yoongi fell asleep.
after getting settled into his own room, jungkook got online and express ordered a ton of things from the most popular littles shopping website. they'd arrive tomorrow evening. he couldn't wait.
eventually he fell asleep, excited for this new road of life.
the next morning when he woke up, he got up and got dressed since he wasn't one to lay in bed all day.
once he was dressed and did his morning routine he went to make breakfast, passing yoongi's room along the way. the door was open and he could see how little his room was decorated, nothing fun or playful about it at all. yoongi was in his bed, curled up in a tiny ball but his blanket was on the floor. jungkook wondered if it was intentional but decided to continue on with his own business.
he made breakfast and went to wake yoongi up afterwards. "wakey wakey, cutie."
the little whined, fingers in his mouth and nose scrunching cutely.
jungkook smiled. "come on, i made breakfast."
yoongi whined more. jungkook could tell this would be a recurring problem, but he was up for the task. he was up for every task that yoongi threw his way. he wanted to learn about him.
and he did. he started getting closer to yoongi, learning things and figuring him out in ways nobody else could before, and these revelations made life for all of them easier.
some of the more obvious things came to light when jungkook bought him proper little gear. the little took to pacifiers like a dream. they could soothe him and ground him, which he often needed. he also loved stuffed animals and plushies, and jungkook would never forget the pure joy he exhibited when he had real toys and coloring books to play with. the little also enjoyed sippy cups and baby bottles, especially when said bottles contained milk.
jungkook also figured out more complex things as he got closer to yoongi. things nobody would care to dig deeper for, or pay close enough attention to see.
one of the biggest things he learned, still relevant in their lives five years later, was yoongi wasn't as troublesome as he was made out to be— at least not on purpose.
he had a neurological disorder, sensory processing disorder. poor baby was on edge everyday, in both headspaces, due to something as simple as the clothes he was wearing. to anyone who was neurotypical, the materials were perfectly fine. but to yoongi they weren't pleasant and always made him prone to irritation or anger due to being too scratchy and rough. he never knew that was an issue for him. nobody did until jungkook figured it out.
his favorite textures were anything soft or silky, easy to put on and slip off, breathable and non restrictive. the way the baby melted the first time he wore a fleece teddy bear onesie after a bath was so cute. that was the most relaxed jungkook had ever seen yoongi. the following night yoongi wore a different onesie and was irritable and fussy, and jungkook hadn't done anything differently besides the onesie. that's when he decided to test his theory, letting yoongi put the other one back on which calmed him immediately. overtime jungkook helped yoongi change his entire wardrobe, and for special performance clothes that couldn't really be helped he found comfortable undergarments for him to wear underneath.
part of his unwillingness to eat was he didn't like how certain foods felt in his mouth, and when jungkook discovered this it was a little easier to get yoongi to agree to eat since he knew what to avoid. of course, that didn't fix the complete eating problem. most of it stemmed from the trauma and mental illness.
jungkook hated watching yoongi suffer from his illnesses, some pretty severe. one that strongly affected him was borderline personality disorder, the biggest factor for many of his actions. he also dealt with social anxiety, his eating disorder, and post traumatic stress disorder.
over the five years jungkook had been working with yoongi he'd been so proud to watch him steadily improve through therapy, writing his feelings in his music, and spending as much time as he could in his little headspace, like he should've done as a child and teenager.
when yoongi explained to jungkook some of the issues of his childhood, like his family abusing him due to his classification of a little and some of the things they'd do to him to make him stop, he felt so much anger. jungkook wanted to find his family and put them all six feet under. it was illegal to treat a little that way, so he was glad to hear that when yoongi's label found out they helped him sue and lock them up.
yoongi also lost every friend due to his classification as a little. he'd never had a lasting friendship and always seemed to ruin them, so now he didn't know how to make any at all. all he had was jungkook.
all he needed was jungkook.
"what do you mean you have to leave?" yoongi exclaimed, tears already filling his eyes.
of course that wasn't all jungkook had said. he told him he would be gone for a few days to check in on his family, and then he'd be back. but yoongi's brain zeroed in on jungkook. leaving.
"baby, i promise you i'll be back. my family is going through something right now and i have to be there for them. i'll be back before you know it." jungkook tried running his fingers through yoongi's hair.
his baby glared and slapped his hand away. "how could you do this to me? i need you so much more than they do! d-do they need you to hold them at night o-or remind them to eat o-or.. is there another little? are you running to some other fucking little? what is it? what did i do now?" he sobbed, falling to the ground as his body shook with his cries.
jungkook shook his head and sat next to yoongi, pulling him into his lap. "yoongi, sweetheart. i know what you think is about to happen, but i promise you. i will— i absolutely will— come back to you. there is nobody else i need or want. you own my entire heart."
"t-then why are you l-l-leaving?" yoongi cried, leaning into him and holding on like his life depended on it. and it did, his life depended on jungkook. if jungkook left him and never came back, he would leave too. forever.
"my family needs me, angel. i'll go see them, and then i'll come be all yours again. and when i come back, i'll bring you a gift. and we can cuddle, and play, and watch your favorite cartoons. you can have chocolate milk in a bottle and get comfy in your softest onesie. does that sound nice?"
yoongi sniffled and nodded, trying to wipe his tears. "m-mhm."
"good, baby. you just have to be strong for three days. jin hyung will be here for you."
"i d-don't want stupid dumb jin hyung. i want you." he murmured.
"i want you too, little love. only you. just be on your best behavior while i'm gone, okay? be a good boy. you've come so far, i know you can do it." he kissed yoongi's forehead.
yoongi didn't reply, just staring down at his fingers. but jungkook knew he was listening.
two days later, jungkook left after giving yoongi a bunch of kisses and a firm hug, even though the little was being pouty and tried to push him away.
after another 'i love you', jungkook was out the door and jin was left with yoongi. before he could even say a word the idol ran upstairs to his room and slammed the door shut.
he was convinced this was the end. jungkook left and wasn't coming back, he'd fucked up yet again, why did this always happen? why couldn't he be good enough for once?
he didn't leave his room, not even when jin said it was time for him to eat something. he didn't want to, ignoring the little voice of jungkook in the back of his head reminding him ever so gently that eating was important and he had to take care of himself.
he just laid under his blanket and hugged kumamon, because even if he wasn't in little space kumamon was his best friend and protector. if jungkook was gone, kumamon has to take his place.
but he didn't want anyone to take jungkook's place. jungkook was supposed to be his forever, did he forget? he groaned frustratedly and put his fingers in his hair, pulling on it like he usually did when he was distressed.
"yoongs? can i come in?" jin asked, wanting to check on him.
"go. away." yoongi growled.
"you're upset and you haven't eaten. i made you pasta with your favorite sauce and kimchi." he tried. "please, come eat. then i'll leave you alone."
"no no go away go away go away!" he yelled, pulling his hair harder. he ignored the thought in his mind that he wasn't being a good boy like jungkook told him to. was he being a disappointment instead? that only made him feel worse and he buried his face into his fluffy pillow, beginning to cry into it. he felt so alone.
jin wasn't able to get him to eat or do anything, and he texted jungkook updates, apologizing for it.
jungkook wasn't readily available at his phone until the next morning, and he merely sighed when he read jin's texts. he expected this, but it didn't make him any less upset about it. he reassured jin it wasn't his fault, before attempting to call yoongi.
yoongi was little by the time morning came, feeling so sad and crying for his dada. when he heard his phone ringing he was startled, holding kumamon tighter until he checked what the sound was. a picture of jungkook was on the screen and he immediately answered. even if big yoongi was being pouty and bratty with jungkook, little yoonie was not. "d-dada?"
"hi, little love. are you okay?"
"y-yoonie sad yoonie sad." he whimpered.
"i know you're sad, you miss dada. don't you?"
yoongi nodded.
"dada misses you too, baby. will you please eat something for me?"
yoongi whined, shaking his head stubbornly. "no!"
"can you tell dada why?"
"w-want dada." he pouted. "not hungwy."
"you didn't eat dinner, my love. remember how important it is to take care of yourself?"
yoongi nodded slightly. "m-mhm.."
"then eat something for me. three meals, baby. jin hyung said he made one of your favorite things for dinner last night. why don't you have some for breakfast?"
yoongi looked down and reluctantly nodded. "otay, dada."
"that's my good boy. dada loves you so much, baby. i'll be back soon. be nice to jin hyung."
"yoonie love dada too." he murmured.
"i'll try to call again later on. bye, tiny." he hung up.
yoongi frowned and grabbed his kumamon, holding it close as he got out of bed and shyly opened the door to his room. he carefully made his way downstairs, putting both feet on each stair until he made it down.
and after eating breakfast, he retreated to his room again and hid under his covers.
*
the three days jungkook was gone weren't great for yoongi. when he was in big space he was angry, ignoring jungkook, screaming at jin, pulling his hair, and refusing to eat. unfortunately he was in big space most of the time. he was much calmer in little space, but he didn't slip more than three times total.
finally, jungkook was coming home today, not that yoongi believed that for a second. but jin was glad things could go back to normal and yoongi could stop being upset.
jungkook arrived at a great time, because yoongi was in the middle of a whole episode in his room. he'd never had such a bad one before, he had thrown something at jin when he tried to come in, and from there it spiraled into him throwing things because it felt good. it was a nice release.
the whole reason it started was because jin told him jungkook was on his way home, and yoongi didn't want to hear anymore of his lies. so he was once again screaming at jin, calling him a liar and telling him to never talk to him again because yoongi hated liars, and there were a lot of hurtful names thrown around. but then jungkook entered the room, watching yoongi grab something else to try to destroy. but right before he was going to throw it he saw jungkook in the doorway.
his actions faltered, and he blinked harshly to make sure this was real. after blinking and shaking his head a bunch, jungkook was still there.
he shakily dropped the item he was holding, his breathing labored and his eyes filling with tears.
"oh, baby.." jungkook frowned and stepped into the room. "come here." he opened his arms.
yoongi broke down into tears and went into jungkook's arms, burying his face in his neck. he was crying so heavily and shaking so badly. "i-i'm s-orry!" he sobbed, gripping jungkook's shirt in his hands tightly.
"shh shh, baby love, it's okay. it's all okay. i'm here now." he picked yoongi up and carried him out of his big space room and into his little space room, thanking jin and saying he had everything under control. jin tried apologizing for letting yoongi get so out of hand but jungkook would hear none of it, it wasn't anyone's fault but his own for leaving him.
jungkook grabbed a blanket and sat in the rocking chair, wrapping yoongi up in it and kissing his head. "calm down, baby. it's okay."
after twenty minutes of yoongi crying and jungkook soothing him, he finally quieted. "'m sorry." he said, barely above a whisper. his voice was totally shot after the days he spent exhausting it.
"none of that, baby. it's not your fault." jungkook reassured, petting his hair.
"you really came back." yoongi sniffled, ready to start crying again because he still couldn't believe it. "y-you're still here." he looked up at jungkook, eyes glassy.
"of course. you're the only one my heart belongs to, angel. i'm never going to leave you. i will always come back." he smiled, gently wiping yoongi's wet face with his sleeve.
"h-how can you still want me after seeing what i did?" he asked, voice breaking again.
"because i know you, little love. you never act that way on purpose; it's a response to negative triggers. i've never had to leave before, that's probably the worst trigger there is for you. you've come so far in your treatments and i've watched you grow and get better. you wouldn't ever do something like this on purpose, you were hurting a lot and that's how it came out."
"i d-didn't try any of our calming down methods. i wasn't a good boy like you wanted me to be." he whimpered.
"baby, let me explain this to you better. i have watched you go from reacting to the smallest things, to rarely reacting at all. you've gone from not apologizing for your behavior to sincerely apologizing and even trying to make it up to whoever was there. i see you do your calming down methods when you think i'm not looking, and i know you've been genuinely applying yourself with your treatment. i absolutely am telling you, and reassuring you, that you did not behave this way on purpose. you were scared, and it brought up really strong, really bad feelings, and they came out before you could even begin to try understanding them. it's not your fault, it will never be your fault, and i will never be upset with you for it. you're so strong, my angel, and i love you so very much. nothing will make me stop loving you."
"you really mean all of that? you promise?"
"i promise on everything i love, sweetheart."
yoongi didn't know what he did to deserve jungkook. "thank you." he whispered. "i love you so much. you make me so happy." he closed his eyes.
"you make me so happy too." jungkook smiled.
they were quiet for a moment, simply enjoying each other's company until yoongi spoke again. "yoonie head huwt."
"you pulled your hair a lot, little love."
"yoonie baba?" he asked quietly.
"sure. but only if yoonie agrees to eat something beforehand."
yoongi wasn't in the mood to fight it, he was so happy jungkook actually came home that he'd do anything for him. "otay, dada." he nodded.
jungkook carried him downstairs and helped yoongi eat something, before rewarding him with a bottle of nice, warm milk. afterwards jungkook took him to give him a bath and carefully wash his hair since he knew yoongi probably hadn't done it.
he got yoongi snuggled up in his soft kitty cat onesie, making sure the hood was up over his head, and he gave him his bumblebee pacifier and found his kumamon plushie for him. the little was very exhausted, falling asleep even before they reached jungkook's room.
jungkook laid him on his bed carefully, and after taking a shower of his own and putting his things away he got into bed as well and held his baby, placing gentle kisses on his head. "sleep well, my tiny love."
yoongi made a soft noise of contentment, snuggling closer to jungkook in his sleep. the caregiver just smiled and held on tighter. he'd make sure yoongi felt comfy and safe. he'd always keep him safe.
and he'd always love him, and he'd always stay by his side.
because he promised on everything he loves.
and everything he loves, is yoongi.
*
if yoongi had been a little clingier after that day, jungkook didn't say a word about it. he might've been a little more possessive and protective too; their love for each other only seemed to get stronger, if possible.
yoongi trusted jungkook so much more after he came back for him. jungkook was the only one who kept his word, and didn't walk out of his life forever. that made him extremely special, made yoongi realize his love for him was so much more than just as a caregiver. so much so that more love songs started appearing in his works.
his fans knew the songs had to be about jungkook, and they were so glad that yoongi seemed so much happier.
the idol ended up writing a whole album dedicated to jungkook, though he never told him that, and while he was touring it something amazing happened.
at the end of his show in his hometown of daegu, yoongi was about to introduce his encore song when he was interrupted. jungkook came on stage holding a microphone of his own with a guitar around him. "if i may, i just have something quick i'd like to add." he smiled.
yoongi smiled back shyly and nodded. "oh, um. okay."
jungkook took a seat on a stool that was brought out to him, and he cleared his throat as he attached the microphone to the mic stand. yoongi was confused, was jungkook going to sing?
he got his answer when jungkook began playing the guitar, and then he started singing with the most angelic voice yoongi had ever heard, the rapper's eyes locked on him as his surroundings faded away into only jungkook.
and the lyrics, they were so sweet. yoongi didn't miss the way jungkook smiled at him when he sang 'you are the cause of my euphoria'. it made yoongi blush deeply and look down at his feet. he couldn't even hear the crowd awwing, he was so focused on jungkook's gorgeous voice.
by the end of the song yoongi was teary eyed, and when he was going to say something jungkook spoke up first.
"baby, i wrote that song for you not just because i love you, but because i'm in love with you. everyday i spend with you makes me so truly happy, nothing means more to me than being your caregiver and making you smile, cuddling you, playing with you, and reminding you that you are loved and you are special in my eyes. we've gone through so much in the seven years we've known each other, i've watched you become someone so wonderful, someone i want to cherish forever."
jungkook stood, taking the guitar off and setting it down to move closer to yoongi and take his hands. the idol was crying by this point, tears freely falling down his face as jungkook continued.
"but i don't want to just be your caregiver anymore. and i know what i'm about to say is insane because we haven't once discussed romance but i have crazy feelings for you and i think you feel the same for me. i know you do, actually. i mean..we act like a couple already, what's the harm in asking?"
"a-asking w-what, jungkookie?" yoongi looked into his eyes, heart pounding in his chest.
jungkook gently wiped yoongi's tears, before getting down on one knee and grabbing a breathtaking diamond ring from his pocket.
"asking you..if you'd marry me? not only let me legally adopt you as my little..but legally be my husband?" he smiled timidly.
yoongi felt like he couldn't breathe, but in the best way possible. he didn't care if he was sobbing in front of sixty thousand people, this was a moment he had only dreamed of.
"y-yes, i don't want anything more t-than to marry y-you." he sniffled and nodded frantically. jungkook's smile brightened, and he carefully slid the ring onto yoongi's finger.
yoongi jumped on jungkook in a hug the moment he stood up, wrapping his legs and arms around him and jungkook held him securely, whispering reassuring words in his ear that only the two of them could hear.
it was the happiest moment of yoongi's life.
back in the hotel he and jungkook cuddled, and yoongi stared at the ring with such a warm feeling in his heart. "dada wove yoonie." he smiled to himself. he had never so strongly believed he was loved.
"i love you a lot, tiny." jungkook smiled, gently caressing yoongi's cheek. "i had to make sure you'd be all mine forever."
yoongi giggled, hiding his eyes behind the fuzzy sleeves of his adorable cow onesie. "yoonie happy yoonie happy."
jungkook felt so proud after hearing that, holding yoongi closer. "you deserve to be happy, angel. so happy. i'll continue making you as happy as i can."
"dada pee boo." yoongi removed his hands and smiled brightly.
jungkook gasped. "there you are!"
yoongi giggled more. "dada tuwn."
jungkook covered his eyes and waited a few seconds before he gasped and uncovered them. "peek a boo!"
the little squealed in delight and clapped his hands. "again again!"
so they played peek a boo for a while, and then they ended their night with some cartoons, yoongi holding kumamon and being fed a bottle of milk.
and yoongi had very happy dreams about their wedding, which had lots of toys and jungkook gave him lots of kisses. he hoped their real wedding could be like that.
*
the real wedding was small, yoongi invited two friends he'd made and managed to keep a healthy relationship with, and jungkook invited his family and close friends. jin also attended, and that was it because yoongi didn't want or need a bunch of people there.
they got married in busan since jungkook had proposed in daegu, and the wedding did indeed have lots of toys around like yoongi wanted from his dream. toys, flowers, and pretty iridescent stars decorated the garden they'd found. it was beautiful, but not as beautiful as yoongi coming down the aisle in his white suit and baby blue tie.
jungkook wore a baby blue suit and white tie to match, and he had the biggest smile on his face when yoongi finally reached him and took his hands. his baby shyly smiled back before looking away timidly.
and after going through the ceremony and saying vows to each other, they each signed the necessary papers signifying their coming together as caregiver and little, and husbands. then they were able to give each other their rings, and finally, kiss.
it would be their first kiss on the lips they'd ever had. it would be yoongi's first kiss ever. he let jungkook be the one to lean in, and when their lips met butterflies exploded in his stomach.
"i love you so much, jungkookie." he murmured against his lips.
"i love you too, little love. so very much." jungkook held him close, resting their foreheads together.
and that night they danced together under the stars, yoongi's head on jungkook's shoulder.
"i never thought i would be here." yoongi whispered. "married. able to say i have a husband..but you came and completely changed my life. changed me." he blushed.
"and you've done the same for me, angel. i never knew when i got into the security business it would lead to such a perfect outcome." he smiled and kissed yoongi's head.
"when we go on our honeymoon can we like..kiss more?"
jungkook laughed fondly and nodded. "we can kiss as much as you'd like."
yoongi blushed more. "i liked doing that with you."
"you wanna get some more practice in right now?" jungkook teased, kissing the corner of his mouth.
yoongi bit his lip shyly and nodded, connecting their lips once more.
a few nights later on their honeymoon, they had their first time together. yoongi had been nervous since he had never gotten intimate with someone before, but jungkook was of course so sweet and gentle, reassuring him that everything would be okay.
and it was okay, it was everything yoongi wanted it to be. romantic, passionate, and a moment in time he would never forget.
*
"for you, dada." yoongi smiled and presented jungkook with a drawing.
jungkook smiled and accepted. "oh, tiny this is precious!" he praised. "thank you so much, angel."
yoongi giggled and bounced excitedly, grabbing his crayon to make another one. "yoonie put stickers on dis one." he whispered to himself.
"oh! here, yoonie." his little friend jimin smiled and handed him the stickers. he was one of the two friends yoongi invited to his wedding. both friendships lasted, which made him so happy.
"me want dem too." his other little friend taehyung pouted.
"yoonie share wif you, taetae." yoongi smiled.
taehyung smiled too. "yay."
jungkook was so proud of yoongi. in the last three years, he decided to go on hiatus from idol life, and he'd made some changes. he considered them to be therapeutic. they downsized from their huge mansion to a simple family home out in the country. yoongi started giving a lot of his money to charities around the world and organizations that helped abused littles. these decisions were good for him because he learned not to put so much value into money and material possessions, and by association value himself in the same way. he didn't have to make impulsive purchases to fill the hole in his heart anymore, he was able to find his happiness in his loving husband and friends, as well as his new puppy named holly.
he completed his new drawing and put cute stickers on it, and then he gave it to jungkook. "for dada." he beamed.
"thank you so much, little love! i love it. and you know what?"
"what?"
"i think we should put both of these on the fridge." he smiled.
yoongi gasped and nodded. "yoonie fwidge yoonie fwidge!"
taehyung and jimin gasped. the fridge meant the pictures were really really good!
"come on, baby." jungkook stood and picked yoongi up to go into their kitchen. "where do you want it?"
"there!" yoongi pointed, and jungkook let him choose which magnets to use before they hung the pictures together.
yoongi was so very excited, his smile never leaving his face. "yoonie happy yoonie happy."
jungkook never got tired of hearing that, and yoongi said it a lot more than he used to. "that's all i want for you." he kissed yoongi's cheek.
and he couldn't help but feel a bittersweet feeling overcome him. their story had started with hanging yoongi's picture on the fridge together, and here they were ten years later in their third year of marriage.
jungkook found himself tearing up. he never cried, yoongi had never seen him cry. the little gasped and immediately hugged jungkook tightly. "dada why cwy?" he whispered.
his caregiver hugged back just as tightly, placing a kiss on his head. "i just remembered something special and love you so much, is all. don't worry, tiny. i'm fine." he reassured, even as a tear escaped.
"pwomise?"
jungkook nodded. "on everything i love."
yoongi nodded, resting his head on jungkook's shoulder.
"you wanna know a secret, baby?" jungkook whispered.
yoongi nodded. "yoonie secwet."
"everything i love, is you."
it took yoongi a moment to understand, but once he did he blushed and hid his face in jungkook's neck shyly. "weally?"
"really. it's always been you. and it'll always be you."
"dada awways be for yoonie too." he pulled away to look at his dada, and just like jungkook always did for him, he took his sleeve and wiped his caregiver's tears. then he smiled adorably. "all better, dada?"
jungkook smiled and grabbed his hand to kiss. "all better, little love. let's get back to your friends."
"and yoonie make another picture for dada?"
"if you want."
"even..even if yoonie put sprinkles?"
and jungkook laughed, because his sweet little angel was mistaking the glue on sparkles they had for the delicious dessert topping.
"all the sprinkles you want, baby."
yoongi, oblivious as ever, just giggled and swung his legs happily as they returned to the living room. "yoonie sprinkles."
and yeah, jungkook was so in love with him.
they'd been through so much together. he'd watched yoongi become a worldwide sensation, was there for every trouble he had, watched him tear himself apart and almost be swallowed whole by his mental illness. but he was a fighter, and he found the way out.
and jungkook knew yoongi would always say it was thanks to him, would never give the credit to himself.
but god, yoongi deserved the credit so much. it was his own strength and unrelenting spirit that pushed him to better himself, to come out on top like he always had.
even if some of his trauma would stay with him forever, it would never rule over him like it used to. he would always win. because even though he was little in size, and by classification, he was big in mind and heart.
and that.
that was everything jungkook loved.