Work Text:
To: Kuroo Tetsurou
I would never admit it, not when you looked so cocky, but I never hated it. I never hated the way you'd sing to me to annoy me. I'd never tell you how pleasant your voice actually was, how calming it was to hear. How much I craved the sound whenever you weren't around. I've been craving it a lot lately.
I'd never tell you how I was already awake for all those early morning calls, but never had it in me to break our routine. In fact, sometimes I wanted you to come wake me up. I wanted you to be the first thing I saw in the morning. It's always been that way, right? Since we were kids? You were always there the moment I opened my eyes, so where are you now?
It feels empty without you. I feel lost. You'd always been my light, and I regret every second I didn't make you feel like you were. Every second I pretended to dread your presence, because it was easier to keep up the act than to confront how I truly felt. Every second that hurt expression fell on your face, and you tried to hide it, and I tried to hide my guilt, but we weren't fools. That's why it worked between us, because words were only our secondary form of communication.
Everything means nothing now without you. I realized all my dreams had you in them. I never imagined a world without you. It's scary, Kuroo. I'm scared. I wish I told you that I needed you sooner. I wish I realized it quicker, how much you meant to me. If I told you, would you have stayed?
Would you leave him now for me? How do I take back rejecting you then? No, how do I turn back time completely, so I can kiss you when I had the chance to. I want to hold you like held me when I cried. I hate the thought of someone else getting to do that for you now. I despise him, but I despise me more for letting the best thing I had go.
When you take him out on dates, do you take him to your favorite pier too? Do you sit him where you used to sit me too? Do yet let him wear the jacket you used to let me borrow too? Do you make him watch Bill Nye with you too? Do you sing to him when he has trouble sleeping too?
Every night my thoughts only fester with ways to get you back. I'm selfish, I always have been. I always hated sharing, but not with you. You were the one thing I was so confident sharing, because I trusted you'd come back. You always came back. You did. I'd lose every game. I promise. I'll even let you win in mario kart. I'd lose it all if it meant I'd never lose you, so come back to me. Come back to me, Tetsurou. Come back.
from: Kozume Kenma